TAPS

Chapter 3

Commander Harley Steele took a deep breath and squared her shoulders before leaving the restroom and returning to the viewing room. Harm had accompanied her to the funeral home and remained in the lobby while the family gathered in private at Todd's casket.

It was good that she had a chance to see Todd before the family viewing. It helped take away some of the shock, and helped her not just fall to her knees in pain. Seeing Todd all laid out like that gave her the closure she needed. It hadn't seemed real that he was gone since she hadn't been with him when it happened. It was good to have his family's support, but it made her decision to let Harm in closer that much more difficult.

Harm looked up as Harley exited the restroom. After the family gathering, she'd slipped away. He caught sight of her going into the powder room, so he'd stationed himself outside of it. He stood and gave her a half smile, "Need anything?" He asked, brows furrowing with concern.

Harley shook her head, "Have you seen Admiral Boone?" She asked, voice wavering a little.

Harm nodded. "He just got here."

"Good." Harley gave him the ghost of a smile. She proceeded back to the viewing room in search of her beloved Admiral.

Admiral Thomas Boone searched the viewing room for Commander Harley Steele. He wanted to see her before going to pay his respects to Captain Gerhart. To his surprise, newly re-enlisted Commander Harmon Rabb followed at Commander Steele's heels as she entered the room. He knew that Rabb was the leader of the flyover. He'd pulled a few strings and gotten them on the same flight from LAX to DCA. He'd hoped they'd reconnected. Harm had been good for Harley and vice versa. From the way Harm was hovering, his meddling seemed to have worked.

Harley came over to Admiral Boone and hit attention. "Admiral." She murmured, feeling her eyes well up. Harm followed suit and clicked his heels together out of respect.

"At ease, Commanders." He smiled sadly. "C'mere Blue." He said softly, opening his arms to her. Even though they were both in uniform, he hugged her fiercely, feeling her breakdown a little against him. "It's alright." He soothed. "You're in good hands, I see."

Harley stepped back so the Admiral could shake Harm's hand. "Commander Rabb." He greeted Harm. "Good to see you back in uniform, son." He clapped him on the shoulder before releasing his hand.

"Thank you, Admiral." Harm smiled. "It's good to be back."

Admiral Boone nodded and turned to Harley. "You okay to come with me?" He asked, knowing she'd been put through the ringer already and didn't want to add to it.

Harley bit her lip and nodded. Admiral Boone offered his arm and she took it. The pair proceeded up to the casket. Harm settled in a chair, and watched as what looked like father and daughter went to pay their respects.

Admiral Boone cleared his throat and gripped the edge of the casket. Captain Todd Gerhart was as straight laced, fierce and loyal as a fighter pilot came. It seemed that Harley agreed with him, she'd been prepared to marry the man, after all. "I'm sorry your time together was cut short." He murmured, covering her hand with his.

"Me too." Harley agreed, sniffling a little.

Admiral Boone glanced sideways at Commander Steele. "He wouldn't want you to wallow, Commander." His eyes flicked to where Harm sat at the back of the room. "He'd want you to be happy."

Harley bit her lip. She knew Admiral Boone was referring to Harm being present. It seemed like a strange twist of fate that he'd come back into her life as suddenly as Todd had been taken from it. "It just seems so fast."

Admiral Boone scoffed, "Really?" He squinted a little. "You fly at mach 2 on the reg, and this is too fast for you?" He smirked.

Harley snorted softly. He did have a point. Her life was so unpredictable, for all she knew it could be her in a casket next time around. Did she really want to push Harm away when he seemed so interested in sticking around? She chanced a glance back to the Commander. He flashed her a reassuring smile and crossed his arms. She could tell he was uncomfortable, but he was hanging around for her sake. "Touche." She murmured.

"Rabb leading the flyover is a hell of a coincidence, eh?" Admiral Boone bumped shoulders with her.

Harley scoffed. "You're telling me." She bit her lip. "Todd and I talked about, uh." She cleared her throat, "We talked about moving on if something happened to one of us."

"Good." Admiral Boone put his arm around her shoulders for a moment. "I know he'd want you to be happy, Blue."

Harley just nodded as her throat closed up.

Admiral Boone hit attention and gave Captain Gerhart a formal salute. Harley released her grip on the casket and followed the Admiral back to where Commander Rabb sat.

The rest of the viewing passed in a blur. Plenty of people came up to Harley, thanked her for her service and expressed how sorry they were for Todd's loss. Harm found himself in trouble. Seeing Harley handle herself so well was really messing with his emotions. He'd already kicked himself for throwing away his Naval career and following Mac to San Diego when their relationship imploded. He should've just accepted the London assignment and left his personal life up to fate.

Now, he was insanely jealous of a dead man. Captain Todd Gerhart had the woman of his dreams in a position to where she agreed to spend the rest of her life with him. He wanted to give Harley her space and the time she needed to grieve. He also wanted to be in position to be that missing partner for her, should she choose to let him in if and when she was ready.

Harley caught Harm watching her and she felt her cheeks heat. She knew Harm was trying to support her and at the same time show some restraint. She wasn't blind, she saw the way he looked at her. It was a little different than the last time they were together on the USS John F. Kennedy, roughly five years ago. He was more reserved, but she could tell his desire was still intense. The question was, how long did she resist and deny her own desire?

Harley lingered at Todd's casket after everyone had left, not quite ready to say goodbye just yet. She gripped the edge of the casket and didn't fight to stop the flow of tears that trickled down her cheeks. She gave herself permission to be emotional so she'd be able to move on. Harm waited in the lobby, trying to be patient. He knew that Harley needed the time to say a proper goodbye. This would be her last time to see Todd before they closed his casket for good. The service tomorrow morning would be graveside with the casket draped in an American flag.

Harley emerged from the viewing room to find Harm half asleep in an armchair. "Hey flyboy." Harley whispered, eyes still brimming with tears.

Harm got to his feet and opened his arms to her. Harley stepped forward and let him wrap her up, safe and warm. She broke down against his chest, praying her makeup didn't run all over his uniform.

The plan was Harm would drive to NAS Virginia Beach early the next morning on his own and do the flyover. He was representing the missing man in the formation. Admiral Boone would pick Harley up and drive to Arlington National Cemetery for the funeral.

Harley settled back on Harm's bed, her uniform tucked away for the funeral tomorrow. She'd refused dinner, and settled for a cup of camomile tea. As she drank the tea, she tried to remain calm, but a few tears escaped down her cheeks. She was having trouble shaking the feeling of survivor's guilt.

Harm entered his bedroom and his heart clenched at the sight before him. Harley sat curled against the pillows, teacup hugged against her chest while she softly cried. He settled on the edge of the bed, gently taking her empty cup and setting it down on the nightstand. He leaned towards her, his thumb wiping away the tears lingering on her cheek. "I'm here, Lee." He murmured, "What can I do?"

Harley bit her lip. She wanted to let Harm in closer, but she was still terrified. "Hold me?" She whispered, her voice wavering a little. Harm nodded, opening his arms to her. She scooted forward and wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her cheek against his chest. "Why am I still here?"

Ah. Survivor's guilt. He'd felt that way when Jordan had been murdered. "It's normal to feel this way, Lee." He murmured, pressing a kiss to her temple. "I wondered for a long time why I got to live on when Jordan's bright life had been so carelessly and needlessly snuffed out."

"How did you get over it?" Harley asked, lifting her head to lock eyes with him for a moment. Then she looked away, waiting for his answer.

Harm scoffed. "I haven't really gotten over it." He sighed, "I've just learned to live with it." He pursed his lips. "Grief is a part of life. Just like the thrill of a carrier landing, you learn to live with the feeling of loss."

Harley sighed, "That sounds terrible, sir."

Harm chuckled. "It's not so bad." He palmed the back of her head, drawing her eyes back to his, "Take where we are, for example." He smiled at her. "Instead of wallowing in my failed engagement, I'm helping one of my best friends through a really hard time." He clicked his tongue, "I could focus on the loss or I can focus on the good in my life because of it."

Harley blinked. Harm hadn't been so mature about life or relationships when they'd gone their separate ways five years ago. Life, it seemed, had allowed him to mature into the man she'd always thought he could be. "Does Mac know you're all grown up now?" She quipped, one of her hands coming up to brush a stray hair from his temple.

Harm's lips twitched in amusement. Losing his relationship with Mac had done wonders for his maturity. He'd come to realize what he really wanted out of life. Staying at home while Mac saw the world wasn't on the table anymore. He'd gotten a job at a local law firm, but was mostly responsible for holding down the fort at home while Mac was off on cases and solving world problems. "She needs someone more attentive than me." He murmured.

"Jesus Christ," Harley scoffed. "You've been nothing but attentive the last 48 hours."

Harm pursed his lips. "You deserve it and more, Lee." Harley closed the distance between them, softly pressing her lips to his. He responded by pulling her closer and deepening their kiss.

After a few moments, Harley pulled back a little. "I can't jump off the edge." She whispered. "Not yet."

Harm nodded. "I'm in no rush." He slid up the bed, taking her with him, getting them settled down for sleep. "You have to report back before I do, remember?"

Harley smirked. "But I get leave before you do, flyboy."

Harm chuckled, "Touché." He was silent a moment, then murmured, "It's good to be here with you."

Harley smiled. "It's good to be here with you too, Harm."

The bittersweet melody of TAPS rang out among the rolling green hills of Arlington National Cemetery as the flyover passed overhead. Harley stood at attention as the planes flew over, Harm's plane ascending into the air, executing the missing man formation. Admiral Boone stood next to her at attention as well. After the last notes rang out, the commanding officer instructed them to be at ease and concluded the service.

Harley lingered for a moment, letting her hand rest on the smooth wood of Todd's casket. It seemed that she was finally ready to move on. Laying Todd to rest helped ease her anxiety about a possible rekindling with Harm. Their time together five years ago had been white-hot, so she was a little worried about coming away from their renewed union a little burnt. She was also worried about dishonoring Todd's memory by moving on too fast. Her profession really didn't allow for niceties and time where grief was concerned, not unless she wanted to walk alone.

Harm landed his 18F Super Hornet and sat in the cockpit for a moment before following his RIO down the side. He pictured Harley's face, and his heart clenched. He knew that he had to let go of his relationship with Mac, it had been unhealthy and turbulent. Things with Harley were always easy, even when their circumstances weren't. He knew she needed time to grieve, but he didn't want to let go of the opportunity to have her in his life again.

Harm returned to his apartment to find Admiral Boone just leaving.

"Admiral." Harm nodded, flashing a ghost of a smile.

Boone nodded back. "Take care of her, Harm." He extended his hand.

"I will, sir." Harm assured him, taking his hand for a moment. "Thank you for being here."

"I'm just a phone call away, son." Admiral Boone released his hand and disappeared into the elevator. "Fly well, Commander."

Harm took a deep breath and squared his shoulders before unlocking his apartment door and striding inside.

Harley turned from the window at the sound of the Harm's apartment door. Half expecting Admiral Boone to be coming back for something, she swallowed hard against the lump of emotion caught in her throat at seeing Harm stride through the door instead.

"Gotta go, Ma." She murmured. "See you tomorrow night." She hung up her phone call. "Hey." She pocketed her phone and lingered by the glass, watching Harm put away his affects.

"Hey," Harm smiled, shrugging off his leather flight jacket. He hung up his jacket and then went to the fridge to get a cold drink. He set a bottle of light beer on the counter and twisted the top off. "You heading back to California?" He asked before taking a long pull from the bottle.

Harley bit her lip. She wanted to ask Harm to come with her, he did have leave time left. "You want to come with me?" She offered, crossing the room to settle on the barstool opposite of him. He reached in the fridge and got her out a cold beer as well. He twisted the top off and set it before her. "Thanks." She murmured.

Harm studied her for a moment. It would be nice to get away from everything for a while. Harley's mother had remarried and owned a horse ranch just outside of San Diego. It would be nice to not have to travel so far to report for duty once his leave was up. "Your step father home?" He asked with a cheeky grin. Sure, he'd gotten along with the man, but he'd been a little over protective of Harley to start.

Harley's brow furrowed for a moment. Then she laughed, realizing Harm was teasing. "I'm sure both my mother and Stan would love to see you."

"How about you?" Harm asked, coming around the edge of the island. "You really want me to come with you?"

Harley nodded. "I was hoping you'd say yes," She took a swig of beer. "Seeing as I already bought you a ticket."

Harm's brows rose. "You did?" He hadn't expected that.

Harley smirked and shrugged a little, "Well, kinda." She sighed, "I got a gig returning a Tomcat to San Diego from NAS Oceana."

Harm choked on his beer. "A Tomcat?" He sputtered. He hadn't flown in a F14 for at least five years. He hadn't realized they were still in operation.

"Yeah, it's for a museum on the base." Harley chuckled, leaning over to pat him softly on the back. "I figured you'd settle for being my RIO."

Harm wiped his mouth, turning to face her. "Sure," He tried to not look disappointed. Of course he wanted to pilot the plane, but it was nice that she thought to include him.

"I'll let you fly over the Rockies." She shrugged, taking a generous final draw of beer, her hand dropping away from his back.

"Commanders," Retired Admiral Thomas Boone nodded to the pair as they approached the soon to be decommissioned aircraft. Harley had overnighted their luggage to San Diego and her mother was picking it up that afternoon.

"Thank you." Harley leaned in and let Admiral Boone wrap her up in a bear hug.

"Proud of you." Boone murmured, pressing a kiss to her temple.

Harley's breath caught and she swallowed against the lump of emotion in her throat. She released the Admiral, "See you in a few weeks, sir." She hit attention and Harm followed suit.

Admiral Boone nodded, "Looking forward to spending time with your family, Blue." He returned the salute. Harley had invited him to spend Thanksgiving with her mom and stepfather Stan. Harm extended his hand and the Admiral took it. "Fly well, Harm." He smiled. "Good to have you back in the fight."

Harm smiled back. "Thank you sir."

Admiral Boone stepped back and Commander Steele and Rabb headed to the waiting Tomcat.

Harm's brows rose as Harley climbed up and settled in the backseat. "Had a change of heart?" He quipped, climbing up after her. "I thought you wanted to drive."

Harley shrugged, sliding on her belt. "Just didn't feel right."

Harm opened his mouth to say something, but thought better of it. He slid down into the driver's seat and prepared for take off.

Once they were in the air, Harley slipped off her face mask so she could see out the window a little better. "I never flew with Todd." She confessed, her voice barely rising over the rush of the sky around them. "He swept me off my feet at a Navy ball of all places." She laughed softly. "He had just completed two tours with the Blue Angels and was headed back into combat duty."

Harm's heart clenched. He hadn't expected to share something with Harley that her fiance hadn't. Maybe that's why they'd fallen back together with such ease. "How long did you know him?"

Harley sighed. "Just shy of four years." She pursed her lips. "Felt longer." She whispered wistfully. She cleared her throat, "I've known you almost twice as long, so nothing to worry about there, flyboy."

Harm chuckled. He hadn't meant to make light of her relationship with the Captain. He was a little jealous of her picking a man that was a rank about him. His next promotion was just around the corner, so he'd be a Captain probably by the end of this next tour. His commanding officer had mentioned that his name had come up for Captain, but the board wanted to see what he had to offer in this new role of active combat before their approval was finalized.

The flight from NAS Oceana to NAS San Diego wasn't long enough. Harm set the plane down on the runway with practiced ease and felt his eyes prick with tears of nostalgia. "You remember doing quals with me just after you got to JAG?" He asked when they'd parked, not quite ready to leave the cockpit just yet.

Harley barked a laugh. "I was sicker than a dog." She smiled, remembering how he'd cared for and looked after her on the carrier when they'd landed. "I knew then it was going to be hard to stay away from you."

Harm's brows rose, "Oh, really?" He scoffed, stripping off his seat belt.

"Yeah, really." She scoffed back, "You know how to show a girl a good time." She swallowed the emotions of edging back into Harm's orbit. As much as she wanted to put some distance between them, their duty to their orders loomed in the not so distant future.

After flight debrief, Harley changed out of her flight suit and met Harm at the front of the hangar. Someone had brought his classic red corvette to the air strip from his apartment on base. "You arrange this?" Harley asked, nodding her thanks as he held the passenger door open for her.

Harm smiled. "I made a few calls." He shut her door and then rounded the hood to settle into his own seat. "You need GPS?" He offered, handing her his phone so she could punch it in

Harley shook her head, setting his phone down. "I'm good." She settled a little in the seat. "Head north."

Dearest readers,

These last few months have been very busy for my work and my husband's work. He works for the local hospital in IT and I work for a flooring subcontractor for Lowe's. Apparently since there's a pandemic on, everyone and their mother is redoing their homes, or buying or selling. It really has been quite ridiculous considering the seriousness of our situation as a world.

THat's not an excuse for not updating or writing, just facts, I'm afraid. I've been so spent mentally that it's taken me almost a week of no work to have the capacity to wrap up this little fic I started all those months ago. Hopefully this break will allow me to wrap up this chapter for Harm and Harley.

xoxo

Lumora The White