RATING: M

Nami watched the gentle light of the dinner table candles illuminate his rugged features. He was easily attractive, strong jawline and a clean haircut. His gray eyes sharp and focused, bordered by think short black lashes. It was a cool indifferent expression that models saved for photoshoots, but he wore it so well. Just like his fitted gray suit and cotton black button down. He even left the three top buttons open.

Two buttons, she thought, meant he knew he was attractive. Three...means gay.

Nami sighed. Of course, all the attractive men are gay...but that was why she was here. If she couldn't have Zoro, at least someone close to her could enjoy those hot thick hands and that cocky smirk.

Nami eyed the restaurant as Zoro cleared his throat. "Well, this is a...nice place?"

She brought her eyes back to the slightly uncomfortable man. She giggled. Even when he was jumping out of a plane, he looked unfazed. But put him in a 5-star restaurant and demand he dressed in a suit, Zoro looked almost afraid. Almost.

She pushed her shoulders forward as she whispered, "I know the owner. Very French. Very good. And very single."

He looked at her, face blank and expression eliciting no idea into his psyche. Truth be told, Nami despised that most. She worked as a therapist off facial cues. Zoro hardly handed her anything to work with and what he did give spoke very little.

She rubbed her arms as she propped her elbows on the table. "Anyway, I'd love for you to meet him. His food is to die for!"

Zoro nodded as he took in the menu. "Just get me some good Japanese whiskey, well-cooked rice, and a perfect cut of fish...and I'll be satisfied."

Nami rolled her eyes. Sanji was a wine drinker and his palette was something to acquire, but that's not the only thing they would do if they got together. And that was still a pretty big if.

She had met Zoro only a few weeks back, at a skydiving place where she went to blow off some steam. Nami, being Nami, was friendly in a handsy way and Zoro did not give her an inkling that he was straight. She did sit on his lap a few more times than necessary. They got along. He was interesting and wild, fun to be around. Nami thought herself to be a catch, platonic or romantic. After that, he got a hold of her number and they talked some more. Well, Zoro talked...said something about needing to vent and showed up at her practice. Well, after he called her personal cell and she promptly directed him to her office line and assistant to book a session. Of course, Nami did not give any of this much thought as she was under the assumption that Roronoa Zoro was in fact gay.

Two more meetings and Zoro suggested they go to dinner, as a peace offering for being late to not one but two sessions. She did not mind the friendship, but she was a bit jealous of whatever man he did attempt to catch. Hence, Sanji Vinsmoke. Nami picked the place and now she nervously glanced around wondering where her annoying gay best friend could have possibly run off to.

"Are...you looking for our waiter?" Zoro inquired, staring intently at her rather than the menu. Albeit, it was in French so there was not much he could read on his own.

Nami nodded as she looked around, "Um, yeah...the owner. Perhaps you heard of him? Sanji? Sanji Vinsmoke? He's quite a celebrity."

Suddenly, Zoro seemed uninterested. He grunted in response as he went back to the menu. Nami finally caught the quick moving blonde and eyed him. Sanji blew her a kiss and mouthed that he'd be right there. Nami prepared herself, but then glancing at the man across from her, cleared her throat.

"Why don't you...uh, sit up?" She suggested softly.

Zoro furrowed his brows and looked at her oddly. There was a slight blush on his face but Nami assumed that was because he was thinking of meeting Sanji. "Right."

Sanji stood at their table and leaned down to give Nami a quick kiss on the cheek. "How are you, my love?"

"Just fine, you beautiful genius."

Sanji faked a gasp, "You flatter me, my princess." There was a twinkle in his eye, clearly, he had sized up the man Nami brought and approved on appearance alone. "And..." he turned to look at him now, "Who is your fine friend?"

Zoro stared at the both of them with what Nami could only assume was what death incarnated as a human being could look like. The inflection Sanji gave was lost on Zoro, it seemed, as the man responded in a deep, gruff voice. "What I am is hungry actually."

Nami giggled as Sanji held in a blush of his own, even when he was on the receiving end of such a glare. Sanji liked it rough, Nami knew it well. However, Zoro was playing it a bit too heavily. Poor idiot, she mused, he's probably never been set up like this before.

"Ah, Sanji - this is Zoro. Zoro, this is my Sanji." His eyes narrowed as she said, "my". Hmm, possessive already?

Sanji leaned forward graciously, like the prince he was, but Zoro clasped his hand and she swore she saw the blonde wince. The two aggro men were in some kind of heated battle via a handshake. Gay, straight...men...can be stupid, she thought as she shook her head.

"That's quite a grip you got," Sanji said as they finally peeled their hands away.

Zoro's response was simple, "I work out."

"Hm." Sanji and Nami nodded in agreement.

"Ah, well, a grown man will need a feast." Sanji clapped his hands together, "Why don't I prepare a special meal for you two?" He leaned down to Nami again and kissed her hand, "One fit for my princess."

Sanji glanced at Zoro when he said it, and Nami wondered if she should ask for a steak knife to cut the building sexual tension between them. It flew off them like sparks, and Nami was just dazed as always. Even if she was not going to receive any of this love, she would applaud it.

And so the dinner went on. Sanji fawning over them, giving them special tastings and treats. Yet Zoro was unimaginably cold towards him. At some point, Sanji took a step back and so he and Nami were playing a game of eyeball chicken. Nami would search for Sanji and wiggle her brow to Zoro worriedly, while Sanji would shake his head disappointed. This went on well into dessert and Nami was quite tired of trying to understand Sanji's fleeting glances from afar. She bit her lip and Zoro caught her anxious look.

"Is something wrong?" Zoro asked as he pushed the plate of semi-sweet chocolate dessert away.

Nami watched him and then glanced back at her friend. This was not going the way she intended. Anyone with eyes could see that they had chemistry, so why were they holding back? If there was one think Nami hated, it was indecisiveness. Even in her own partners, she liked someone who took control and action. Of course, there was a give and get in any relationship but Sanji and Zoro were being too stubborn for their own good. Even if it is a hate fuck...at least...fuck!

She rose from her chair as she eyed the chef again. "I just don't like people who aren't honest about their feelings."

Zoro blushed a deep red. I fucking knew it. "Excuse me for a moment." And before he said a word, she went towards the back of the restaurant to corner the blonde in question.

"What the hell is up, Sanji? Why are you playing hard to get?"

Sanji signed some papers and checked a few plates before they left to the restaurant floor. He looked disinterested in the conversation. "I'm sorry, love. But I think you've got something wrong."

"And what would that be, oh great chef? Is Zoro not good enough for you?" She had her hands on her hips, manicured nails pressed into the silk of her extremely form-fitting dress.

Sanji signed and leaned against the table. He turned to look at her with a sincere expression, almost exasperated in having to explain himself. "Nami, my beautiful friend. That man-" he pointed to the table past the pillars that hid them, "-is most definitely not gay."

Nami threw him a look of bewilderment, shaking her head and blinking her eyes. Her loose bun bouncing with her as she did. "I'm sorry?" She squinted as she leaned closer, jutting her bottom lip out in a scowl. "How the hell could you say that? Just because he doesn't fit a stereotype or may not be as open as you-"

Sanji put a finger up to stop her, "Oh, no. I've dated many closeted men. Too many, in fact. But believe me, I know that Roronoa Zoro is not gay." He pondered for a moment, "Could I pique his interest through some form of competitive taunting? Yes, maybe. But did he come here for me? No."

He threw her a gaze then and went back to his papers, while Nami scoffed and flummoxed. Her arms flailing as she tried to form her argument.

"What-what does that even mean? Then who the hell did he come here for?"

Sanji dropped his pen and his head as he let out a shaky exhale. "Tell me, Nami, exactly how did you convince yourself that he's gay?"

She smirked, overly confident. "His co-workers told me."

"Right. Why don't you tell me how exactly." He looked at her like an annoyed mother.

"I went to the skydiving place-"

"Yes, after you knocked out that bastard for almost hitting you-"

"Shut up, but yes. I was staying with Robin and her boyfriend, Franky, is super into adventure things."

"Okay, okay. I know this, but what happened once you got there."

"I asked who my instructor was. The guy told me it was Zoro. I said he was really cute. You know, he was just kinda sitting there with this dazed look on his face, and you know me, I like to have fun."

"Yes, we know. Even if you end up with some trash guy-"

"Right! I get it! Anyway, I obviously told him that, Usopp, I think his name was and he told me that Zoro was actually gay."

"And you vetted this?"

"Well, of course, the other people told me so, too."

"Right, and they were all-"

"Well, men, mostly. But what difference does it make?"

"Had it dawned on you...that maybe they were joking?"

Nami frowned. "Well, of course, they could have been just joking - which is why I sat on his lap."

It was Sanji's turn to blink and shake his head. "What?"

"I mean, you know me. I just walked over that and sat in his lap and said 'hi' or whatever and we just started chatting."

"Now, at what point did you confirm he was gay?" Sanji tilted forward, arms folded.

Nami mimicked his arms fold, tilting her nose up. "He didn't get a boner."

"I'm sorry?"

Now, she was less confident. "He-he didn't get an erection. I mean, I was practically rubbing myself up on him like a damn cat, and there was not a single grope or flash of a blush or uncomfortable pant tent."

"I-I can't believe it." Sanji put his head in his hands and leaned back on the table.

Nami thought he was concerned about screwing up his chance with Zoro, and so she rubbed his back and said softly, "It's okay, Sanji. I'll just tell Zoro that you were feeling sick or-"

Sanji laughed. Actually, it started off as a scary snicker and then it became a full tear-filled bellow. "Are you kidding me, Nami? That is how you confirm someone's sexuality?"

She blushed. "What is the big deal?"

"Nami," he held her shoulders, "I love you, honey. I really do. But your vagina is not some magic bean that makes men's dicks grow. And even if it did, that can be involuntary arousal. Regardless," he cleared his throat, "I am impressed at that man's resolve."

"What do you mean?" her brow raised in confusion.

"I mean that he has the ability to deal with your adorable but very silly charade. He is clearly into you and you are so profoundly clueless."

"That's impossible," she said adamantly. "Then why didn't he say anything?"

"What would he say? You're the one giving him a lap dance before a hello. You're the one taking him out to the fanciest restaurant in town. You're the one engaging him...so even if I did want to climb him like a tree, that man only has eyes for you."

Nami turned bright red and her eyes grew wide. "Impossible."

"No, the only improbable thing here is that with a woman who gives off as much sexual chemistry as you...you could not see the thing right in front of you."

"But he never-"

"Oh, yes he did."

"When?"

"Come to think of it, he looked almost pained every time I spoke to you or kissed you. I mean, I would have preferred that to be his bedroom eyes, but perhaps he just actually wanted to kill me."

"That could mean anything. You are annoying when you want to be."

"Well, I also don't stalk after my guests and get their phone numbers from old receipts so I can call them for an impromptu therapy session."

"He had tenacity."

"No, what he has is a crush." Sanji's sniffed. "It's actually kinda sweet."

"I don't have time for this. I know he's gay and perhaps you're just not his type."

She turned to leave and Sanji called after her, "I'm everyone's type. But you're the one he's on a date with."

Date? No, it's not. This is just two friends, dressed well, eating a catered and curated meal in a fine dining establishment. At night. Together.

She plopped back into her seat loudly. "Well, fuck me."

"Let me finish my coffee first."

It was a joke or at least that is what he meant when he flashed her a grin with those hooded eyes of his. I can't be wrong...

There was a moment of silence and suddenly Nami felt a hand on her knee. When did he move so close? Why is his hand so hot? Wait.

"What are you doing?" She asked out loud.

He looked at her with confusion and then embarrassment as the heat of his palm left her. "I mean...I was just trying to be...honest, I guess."

"By trying your hand on my thigh?"

Zoro chewed the inside of his cheek for a moment. "It's not like you're giving me much of a choice. I mean...this is our third date."

Oh, fuck me. "What. No, it's not."

Zoro stared at her perplexed. "Yes, it is. We had drinks at that bar."

"That was after you got lost coming to my office."

"Then you and I had lunch on my break."

"You said you wanted to schedule some sessions formally."

"And I asked you to dinner."

"No, you told me you'd take me out for dinner."

She heard the words leave her as he smirked. "Yeah. For a date. I asked you out for dinner. For a date."

Her head was spinning. "B-but you're gay..."

He banged his hand on the table. "What? No- I mean- who the hell told you that?"

"Your friends...Usopp and Luffy..."

Zoro muttered under his breath, "Fucking idiots." He looked at the woman before her. "Look, I don't know what those test dummies told you...but... I'm not gay. That's just a stupid joke they play on each other...you know, busting balls and crap like that. But...I'm...I'm actually really into you. Couldn't...couldn't you tell?"

"But. You didn't get... flustered like most men do when I come onto them."

"And fuck me for being a goddamn gentleman? Like what do you take me for, Nami? I'm able to objectively find people attractive and not want to jump their bones. I couldn't say the same for you."

She was instantly pissed. "Are you shaming me?"

"What! No. I mean..." He rubbed the back of his head and floundered as he felt Nami's foot tapping on the wood below the table. He coughed and straightened himself. "What I meant...was that...um, I had just gotten out of this long-term relationship with a woman...and well, it dawned on me that I was alone all of a sudden. It took me forever to get where I was with her and I just thought...no other women would be willing to see beyond all my shit to... But then...this..." He smiled and Nami felt the heat pool in her chest opposed to between her legs. "This very cute and sexy woman just literally sits right in my lap and... I'd be stupid to not take a chance to get to know her. And I did...and I want to know you more. I mean...we can keep it casual but...I'd like to date you, Nami."

For once, Zoro looked at her with a level of sincerity and vulnerability that she was not prepared to explore. However, she was excited all the same. This was different than his cool expression or his chiseled abs. This was raw fucking emotion and Nami would be damned if she didn't admit that it turned her on. To the max.

She reached for her water glass and sipped. Slipping an ice cube into her mouth. "So to you...this is our third date, huh?"

Zoro blushed, "I mean...yes. I thought you knew."

Nami crushed the cube between her teeth as her leg extended and pressed into his chair. The point of her heel was at his belt buckle. "And are you telling me you wanted to fuck me this entire time?"

He turned red, but he also huffed as her foot pushed against his pants. "Damn it, Nami. Are you just teasing me?"

She smirked as the ice melted in her hot mouth. "Mmm, Zoro. If you knew the things I wanted to do to you since the moment I met you..."

His hand found her foot and clasped it, rough fingers teasing the inside of her leg. She tried her best not to giggle as she wanted to maintain this power play for a bit longer. However, Zoro had other plans. With the need in his voice and heavy desire in his eyes, he pulled her leg toward him. She exclaimed as the chair moved with her, her hands holding on for dear life before he dragged her underneath the tablecloth to him. Kinky.

"Try something now, witch. I promise I won't disappoint."

Whatever heat Nami felt in her chest, it had sparked her body to move as now every caress he gave her elicited a pleasurable sigh.

"For me. This is only a first date." She pulled her leg back swiftly and Zoro looked concerned as her absence hit him. He was on his own feet and she moved quickly to grab him by the jacket collar. "Good thing," she whispered into his lips, "I'm the type to fuck on the first date."

As the candles on their dinner table flickered, Zoro and Nami hurried to the door. They kept their hands entwined in the chilly Saturday night, waiting for a taxi so they could continue whatever adventure this was going to be.

A/N: I will say this chapter wrote itself. It is actually based on a true story I heard from a couple I met not too long ago. This is their true story - and the full version is crazy and precious and they are by far some of the most interesting people I have ever met. That being said, I put a little ZoNa vibe to it. I thought it would be tragically comedic to have Nami assume Zoro is gay because of lies other people have said, but because Zoro is not the type to blush or get flustered with Nami's open sensuality - she could assume he was not interested in her. However, oh boy oh boy - jokes on you, babe. I also love having Sanji be the gay best friend here. I planned to use this scenario in another long story AU - but this made more sense here as a one shot. Anywhoo - first night is next. MMMMM, the smexy times are a coming;) *NO PUN INTENDED* :PPPP