Chapter Six

Emori

Looking back, Emori knows there's any number of ways this could have played out. They could have gone on for days or weeks with her ignoring Murphy until he blows up. They could've had a passionate romp in bed after one of her crying jags. Or maybe Madi would've done for them what she did for Clarke and Bellamy a few days ago and intervened.

But in the end, that's not how it happens. Perhaps the slower pace of life here has impacted Emori more than she's thought it has, but she decides to approach things calmly. One morning she simply closes the door to their room and stands before Murphy. He's stretching on the bed, getting ready to get moving for the day.

"I'm sorry. I've been horrible. I'll try to get over it."

Murphy immediately stops his stretching, sits up straight, and faces her.

"You don't gotta apologize," he says. "What happened sucks. You got every right to be angry and sad."

Emori takes a breath and launches her hands into the air. "We didn't even plan for this. We weren't even trying to get pregnant. But once it happened, I got so used to the idea of us having a baby!"

"Makes sense," he says calmly. "You had the baby growing inside of you. Of course you were attached."

Their room isn't large, but Emori takes a few steps, pacing around best she can in the space. "I've been angry at you and lashing out. You've been patient." She takes a breath. "I guess losing the baby just makes me feel like there's another thing wrong with this goddamned body." She grits her teeth as she speaks those last few words.

Emori knows that she has always been firm around Murphy – and anyone else the past several years – that she doesn't view her unusual hand as a "deformity". She's also pretty sure that part of her deep down does view it that way, part of her always has, and that there's never been much she can do about it since the day she was cast out as a frikdreina.

Murphy gets up from the bed and is at her side in an instant. "Hey. Hey. We talked about that. There's nothing wrong with you. Clarke and Jackson both said plenty of people have miscarriages." He puts a hand on her back.

Emori accepts his gesture and leans into him, allowing him to hug her. "How is it that I know all of this but I still feel like garbage?" she asks. "And I don't know when I'm gonna stop feeling like garbage." She's glad she doesn't have to look into his eyes when she asks, "And how long before you get sick of me acting this way?"

"What've you got to worry about?" he asks with a laugh. "I can't exactly fuck off back to Sanctum or conjure up a different girlfriend here. Guess you're just stuck with me."

Emori makes a sound halfway between a laugh and a sob, and she pulls Murphy tighter.

Clarke

Clarke and Bellamy walk to the lake's edge. It's the middle of the day when Skyring is the warmest, and he's going to make his daily attempt at getting back to Sanctum.

Clarke isn't going to try to talk him out of it, not now – nor does she have any plans to in the future. She knows he needs to do this, knows he needs to feel that he's doing his best to reunite with Octavia even though his brain surely knows it's futile.

Long ago Bellamy did as he'd said he would: switch to making the dives naked, so he doesn't have to deal with damp, clammy clothing. Now that he and Clarke are a couple, she no longer has to stay away from the lake and give him privacy during his dives. She smiles, thinking of how she has now seen every square inch of him - and has really, really enjoyed that.

"Wish me luck," he says, and she would describe his smile as somewhere between bemused and resigned. So Bellamy does, Clarke thinks, understand at some level that he's never really getting back to Sanctum, at least not this way. It's just a matter of when he will realize that he's done enough and doesn't need to keep proving to the universe that he wants to make things right with Octavia, she guesses.

"Good luck," Clarke smiles. She remembers now that once Murphy – or was it Miller? – made a quip wondering what Bellamy will do when he shows up in Sanctum stark naked. She recalls that even Bellamy found that one amusing.

Clarke places his towel over a bush and leans against a tree as she watches him go. (Again, she is forced to admit, that she truly enjoys the sight of his backside as he heads into the water). She thinks a bit about their new relationship.

It still feels strange and normal at the same time. It's strange that they finally took the leap, yes. But it feels right. He's the person she always had feelings for, though she had usually kept them buried so deep that most of her brain truly hadn't been aware of them. She rather likes the fact that the cosmic force which pushed them together was none other than Madi. There was no big, dramatic moment throwing them into each other's arms, just the wisdom of the girl who has always understood more than people give her credit for. Clarke likes the fact that the moment that brought them together was simple. Her life has been filled with more than enough dramatic peaks and valleys. A random memory pops into her head: sitting in the mess hall on the Ark with Wells as each pops their nutrition cube, Wells musing about how staid and boring life for most Arkers appears to be. What innocent children they were, Clarke thinks sadly (as she, of course, feels a residual jolt of pain thinking about Wells even after all these years). Given all the events on earth and Sanctum, Clarke has a new appreciation for boring.

And here on Skyring, they've gotten used to days without spikes in adrenaline, without moments where the heart pounds, without shivering in fear. Here, instead, each small moment is filled with promise and meaning and intensity. Clarke replays the kisses she and Bellamy have shared over the past week and feels that they have been just…perfect, for lack of any other term. They are exciting and satisfying but also just plain and comforting. They are a bit scary, though, from the perspective that she still worries that he will go the way of almost everyone else who has ever loved her. That fear has not gone away yet.

Bellamy emerges from the water, gasping for breath as usual. Clarke holds out the towel, and he dries off best he can. She then pulls him into a hug, not minding that she's taking on some of his dampness. He still looks breathless, so she doesn't initiate a kiss with him. She's surprised when, a moment later, he brushes his lips with hers.

He pauses to take a breath, and then reaches to kiss her again, this time in earnest. Clarke returns the kiss wholeheartedly. She has to admit that the fact that he's standing here naked – other than the towel – and pressed against her is making her want to do much more than kiss. She's been aroused since she watched Bellamy undress and walk into the lake, and now that he's here touching his tongue to hers, she finds that her body is already starting to scream for him.

"Come on," she says, judging that Bellamy feels the same based on the reaction of his body that she feels pressing against her. She tilts her head in the direction of the most tree-laden area of the forest, and off they go.

Afterwards, they lie together on the towel. They'd had a few moments of stumbling their first few times together as any new couple does but Clarke finds his lovemaking gentle, expressive, and giving. She's content to rest her head on his chest right now. Her body is still gradually coming down from the peaks it reached.

They are going to have to come up with a better location at some point though. The towel is now damp and smudged with dirt and grass. Clarke doesn't mind a few twigs in her hair either….and it certainly was worth it to gain the intimacy and pleasure she just experienced. But she also would love to have sex with Bellamy on an actual bed. It doesn't feel right to ask Madi for permission to use their room that way though. Clarke's not sure what the solution will be.

Eventually, reluctantly, they decide to get up and return to work. There are myriad chores waiting for them. They locate Bellamy's clothes back near the lake, and then walk to the cabin holding hands.

As they reach the cabin, Clarke eyes the two other couples, each hard at work on the garden. The group has had plenty of time to share stories here, so Clarke now knows the details behind how the other two couples got together. Emori and Murphy were pulled together like magnets from the start – the initial betrayal hardly seemed to matter given the immediate pull they both felt, almost like an urgency or inevitability. And as for the other pair, once Miller had broken up with his ex, he and Jackson became inseparable fast. Clarke knows that it's a different story with her and Bellamy, a much slower tale involving separations and pain and other people. But maybe this is how it was always meant to play out. There's not one correct way for this to happen.

Much later, it's dinnertime. Although the group agrees that Murphy's the best cook, he pulled a muscle in his leg and is lying down. Clarke and Madi volunteer to cook. The others set out to forage, because foraging has been neglected the past few days and they are low on acorns, mushrooms, and onions.

Clarke and Madi chat for a bit about the simple things, but then Madi takes on a serious tone. "Hey," she begins, keeping her eyes on the herbs she's chopping. "Since we have a minute alone, can I ask something?"

"Of course," Clarke says. She reads Madi's expression right away and knows this will be a weighty subject. She's glad that the girl knows she can talk to her anytime. She's not sure if Madi wants eye contact or not, so Clarke continues stirring the stew.

"Do you know what you'll do if it comes back? The anomaly."

Clarke gently places the spoon down and just looks at the soup. She takes a breath. "My opinion of the anomaly hasn't changed. I think the idea of stepping into it is risky because we have no idea what will happen. There's just no way to be sure that it's a doorway back to Sanctum. It could be a thousand other things."

"I agree," Madi says. She takes a couple steps and stands by Clarke's side. "I was just wondering if Bellamy feels differently…and if that's going to be a problem."

Clarke turns and looks at Madi. She nods. "It could be," she admits simply. "I think Bellamy and I need to sit down and really discuss it. But I know for a fact that I'm not leaving you, Madi. You and I seem to agree that it's best to stay here so….so we're staying here."

Madi does as Clarke did a few seconds ago and nods. They leave it at that and get back to dinner preparations. Clarke silently mulls over the topic some more. The thrill of new love has occupied much of her brain space and emotions the past week, but Madi was right to bring this subject up.

Bellamy might be the great love of my life. Will I have to watch him someday disappear into the anomaly? And if that happens, will I spend the rest of my life not knowing what became of him?

Emori

The idea comes to Emori one afternoon. The group is sitting outside eating lunch, and Miller's tilting his head up towards the sunlight, saying that he wished his dad could have somehow lived to see this place, gotten to retire to a peaceful place like Skyring. Emori half-listens to Jackson's reply and it is sweet; Jackson is saying that Miller's dad would've been so happy to know his son survived and made it to such a place. But Emori sees the loss in Miller's eyes and knows it's a feeling that they all grapple with.

Emori thinks about how she's still struggling with her recent losses. The baby. Monty and Harper. Raven (even though – hopefully – Raven's not dead. She's just somewhere that they can't get back to). These losses, they just swirl around out there, Emori thinks, for lack of any better term. She doesn't believe in ghosts, but she does know that these losses poke and prod at her, sometimes gently, sometimes making her want to cry or lash out. Other times she feels a bit hollow.

"Part of me still thinks Raven is gonna show up any day now," she speaks up, shaking her head. "Or that Gabriel guy, or both. I know we did the math and it can't happen."

Clarke takes a deep breath. "Unless the…time difference between here and there isn't fixed. Like if it fluctuates. That's the only way I could see it being possible."

Emori sees Clarke exchange a look with Bellamy. Fleetingly Emori wonders if he's any closer to accepting the fact that he's likely not going to see his sister again. But his damp hair from his daily dive would suggest otherwise.

"I miss her," Emori says. "Raven. And the others." She looks down towards her plate. The group has gotten used to, during their months here, sharing stories and talking less guardedly but it's still hard. Everyone has grown very quiet now and Emori feels their eyes on her. Murphy has always told her that people listen to her and that she's a more impactful speaker than she thinks she us. "And um….the baby. I miss the baby."

The group is quiet, respectfully letting Emori's words settle in. Clarke is sitting on Emori's other side, and she touches a hand to her arm. "I know it's a cliché," Clarke says quietly. "But we feel terrible for your loss. I can't even imagine what you're going through."

The others murmur similar words; they've all said them before and Emori doesn't mind hearing them again. A week ago she found their sentiments almost irritating, but now she does not.

She has something else on her mind though. "We've all lost a lot of people," Emori says. The group has been talking about their losses often lately. Whether it's an offhand remark like Miller's just now, wishing his dad would've lived to see this place, or whether it's deeper discussions around the fireplace, the group going into detail as they speculate on all the decades that Monty and Harper lived without them, tossing out ideas of what Monty and Harper did all day, what they thought about, what they discussed. "I wonder if we should do something more formal to say goodbye to them."

The formal grounder ceremonies and traditions were always closed to Emori, as a frikdreina. She spent years telling herself she didn't need them. Then back up on the ring, Monty had spearheaded an annual memorial to those they'd lost. Emori remembers feeling numb during the first few but she also remembers that somehow, in some intangible way, they'd helped.

"I think that's a good idea," Madi says.

"Me too," Miller adds. "We, uh, in the bunker we had a small ceremony to say goodbye to my dad. It was just Kane and Abby and Jaha – and me and Jackson." He looks, to Emori, like he has a bit more to say but he's quiet. Jackson reaches for his hand and holds it.

"We've never really done anything to say goodbye to Monty and Harper," Murphy says. "I mean, it's not like we had a whole hell of a lot of time, what with the red sun toxin and the body-snatching Primes going after us the second we landed in Sanctum. But still."

"We have the time now," Jackson says. And he adds, "I wish I'd had a chance to get to know them better. Monty and Harper."

Emori expects Clarke, leader that she is, to say something like 'So let's start planning it'. But she doesn't. She and Bellamy are looking at each other quietly. Emori watches them quizzically. Is this simply just a case of new love, of the fact that once you're in a new relationship, other concerns feel less important? (Emori reminds herself of the days when she first knew she was falling for Murphy. She'd kept telling herself it was nothing. But then she'd notice that she hadn't eaten all day and that she felt a strange kind of buzzing inside, a certain energy. She also remembers being sort of pleasantly unfocused). Or do Clarke and Bellamy just not want to do any sort of memorial?

Emori looks around the circle. She doubts either Miller or Jackson will be the one to say 'so let's plan something'. She's decided during her time here that they are both lovely men but neither is a leader. (Murphy once commented to Emori that he wonders about the sex life of two men who were both 'born to follow'. Emori had elbowed him in the ribs for that comment, just as she'd snickered a bit).

So Emori is just about to propose something when Madi speaks up. "I think we should do it. Maybe each of us can think about what we'd like the ceremony to look like, and then we can talk again in a couple days?"

The group assents, although Emori notes that Clarke and Bellamy are both still quiet. They don't object though. Emori makes a note to talk to Clarke sometime. But not now, she decides. She will wait a bit.

TBC

Author's Note: My beta tester – and one of my favorite fanfic writers – is Penguin of Prose. With her permission, I pay tribute to one of her ideas here. It's the bit about Monty spearheading an annual memorial during their time on the ring; she writes of that in her fic "All's Well That Ends Well".

Also – feedback is a gift!