Chapter Nine
Emori
Looking back, Emori can say for certain that it was not any easier the second time around. But she wouldn't change anything about the journey either.
She knows that she spent most of her second pregnancy on edge, fighting against worry and snipping at Murphy over small things. Every minor pain caused untold anguish. When she finally went into labor, the physical pain – excruciating by any standards - was manageable when compared to the mental anxiety she'd been enduring the past nine months.
Emori also knows that she loves John Murphy beyond measure. For so many reasons, not the least of which is how patient he was during every one of the nine long months, and how good he is with their son.
They have named the baby Reyes. Although Emori once voiced disdain at the idea of naming babies after loved ones, they never came up with a better name either. "Reyes" is easy to say and it makes them smile, thinking back to a beloved friend. True, most of the group tends to actually pronounce it something more akin to "Rays", but the name works. And if, by some miracle, they ever see Raven Reyes again, they can just imagine her bemused reaction to this tribute. "She might actually get choked up for a second before dropping a sarcastic bomb," Murphy has said.
Of course thoughts of Raven bring only more questions to Emori's mind – and to everyone else's. They still don't know what this place is or why they are here. They don't know if they will ever leave. They still don't know if Raven will find a way to retrieve them, though the time difference with Sanctum suggests that it's not possible in their lifetimes – or in their children's lifetimes either. They still don't know what stepping back into the anomaly might do, and no one – not even Bellamy – talks about trying it. If it has appeared at all since the last time Clarke and Bellamy saw it, no one knows. They bring it up at lunch one day, someone shrugs and says 'Maybe we just sleep through it each time it comes.'
Emori shakes these thoughts aside. Caring for a baby focuses you like nothing else, and she doesn't have much time for speculation about things she can't control. When she can accept the aches of missing Raven and Echo, and of knowing they've failed to be able to look after Monty and Harper's son, she knows that her life here is better than it has ever been.
Emori loves watching John with the baby. He holds him and coos at him and sings to him. He's as adept at changing Reyes' diaper as Emori is. And when Emori has been up three times during the night to feed the baby or get him to stop crying, Murphy doubles down the next day, covering Emori's chores for her, insisting that she rest. Emori can only laugh at the thought that she'd ever worried about how John would manage here. He has grown since his time on the ring, that much is clear. His focus is less on survival and more on being a good husband and father. True, Murphy still loves to snip at Miller and the two of them can get into it like two barking dogs. But it's never over anything major and it's always just shrugged off the next day.
She's grateful for the others as well. Secretly Emori admits that Bellamy is her favorite baby sitter – unsurprisingly, he's a natural at it, since this isn't his first go-around at taking care of a baby. But they all handle Reyes well. Jackson has taken to scavenging scraps and sewing them into stuffed animals, though Reyes hasn't much taken to them yet - Emori suspects he will when he's older. Madi clearly enjoys being a big sister too, and Clarke and Miller are as patient as everyone else during the nights when Reyes' crying keeps everyone awake.
Clarke
The memorial has become an annual tradition just as it was on the ring. Here on Skyring, the ceremony serves many purposes. A way to remember those who have passed away and those who are unreachable. A way to mark the passage of the years. A time to mourn their losses while celebrating what they do have. Clarke knows – as do all the others – that they have more to be thankful for than to grieve over. Whether they were born on the ground like Emori and Madi or born on the Ark like Clarke and the others, Skyring's inhabitants weren't destined to have easy lives. But their lives here are peaceful. Marred by losses, yes, but peaceful.
As part of each year's memorial, Bellamy digs a hole and buries the letters to Octavia that he's written since the last memorial. The group is always quiet as he does this, and – as he once told Clarke – Bellamy utters a silent apology to Octavia each time for his failure to find a way back to her. ("She understands," Clarke murmured as she held Bellamy, in the privacy of their room after last year's memorial. "If we could somehow talk to her, she'd say there's nothing to forgive.")
This year Clarke watches Bellamy perform that part of the ritual where he buries his letters. She spends much of her free time searching for and scraping out the best pieces of bark for him to use to write his letters – and meanwhile he typically does the same thing but in reverse with his free time. He wants Clarke to have the best pieces of bark to use for her drawings. Madi loves to joke about how they argue over the best pieces of bark, with each one wanting the other to have the finest. Clarke's heart warms as she thinks about that. Their relationship is many things and can be described many ways, but maybe the bark is the best example of how each will wordlessly and instinctively seek the best for the other.
The group's tradition after the annual memorial is to have dinner outside, weather permitting. Today the evening is a beautiful one. The air is cool but not cold, the sky is a riot of color as the sun begins to dip down. Clarke reminds herself never to take this place for granted and to enjoy every aspect of the clean air, fresh food, and tranquil lake. It's a far cry from the grim Ark that she spent her first 17 years on. Each day that she works side by side in the garden with Bellamy and Madi might be considered mundane or routine but Clarke appreciates every moment of it, every moment of the peace they live in and the happiness of having her loved ones at her side.
Not that life is idyllic here either. It has its problems, Clarke knows. The group still works sunup to sundown almost every day, either on food production or expanding the cabin. The cabin now has a long-overdue indoor washroom, and Madi finally has her own bedroom even though it's not much bigger than a closet. Next project is a bedroom for Murphy and Emori's kids, for when they are older. Construction never gets easier, though Clarke notes that Emori is an expert engineer. Food production is the simpler task – but the work is constant. One year their soybean crop failed which caused some worry, but the acorn harvest was abundant as was their fishing. As long as they continue to work on keeping a diverse array of foodstuffs, Clarke knows they will be fine.
If Madi and Bellamy weren't here with her, Clarke knows, she would be tormented. She feels for Bellamy, knowing that he undergoes a kind of torment every single day, being separated from his sister. "Torment" might be too strong of a word, Clarke thinks, but it's definitely a hurt that will never completely dissipate, that is ever present.
For today's post-memorial dinner, Jackson and Miller are on dinner duty. Miller calls out that they're almost ready, as Madi finishes setting the picnic table. Clarke enjoys the wafting aroma of the dinner. Emori and Murphy's younger one is sound asleep in his crib while Reyes is running around like a demon and yelling his head off. He then bounds into his father's lap and tugs at Murphy's beard. Clarke looks first at the baby and then at Reyes, and she permits herself a small smile.
She and Bellamy began to have "the baby discussions" a couple years ago, and she thinks she finally has some good news for him but she's going to wait another day or two. Her period is overdue, her breasts are tender, and she's needing the bathroom more often. The signs add up and point in a direction, but there's no guarantee either. Lots of early pregnancies are lost, as the inhabitants of Skyring know all too well. Bellamy probably already knows that her period is overdue and he probably already has a guess as to why she's visiting the bathroom more often too. Tomorrow, Clarke decides. She will officially share the news with Bellamy tomorrow.
And then right after that, she'll tell Madi. Madi already considers both of Emori and Murphy's children to be her little brothers. Clarke feels a momentary stab of sadness at the way Madi falls in between the two groups – she's significantly younger than the adults and significantly older than the kids, and Madi says it doesn't bother her but Clarke will always worry. As long as they remain on Skyring, Madi will never get the chance to fall in love. Clarke has discussed it with her several times and each time Madi says she's fine with it. Last time they talked about it, Madi shrugged and said, "I don't really get those feelings. Like I'm fine not having a boyfriend or girlfriend. And I don't get – uh, horny the way the six of you do." Madi smirks at the word 'horny' and Clarke has to laugh too, if only to dispel some of the awkwardness. They have discussed sex before, of course, and Madi truly never has seemed all that interested in it.
Clarke has gone over this conversation with Bellamy. She has asked him if he thinks Madi is saying all of this so Clarke will stop feeling sad over the fact that Madi will never have a partner, or if Madi truly is asexual/aromantic and perfectly happy with the situation on Skyring. "Or," Clarke has asked Bellamy, "could she be trying to convince herself that she doesn't want what she can't have?" Bellamy answers that it's hard to say, that Madi is indeed very thoughtful and in tune with Clarke's feelings, but that he doesn't think she'd be anything other than truthful. He adds that she's still young and perhaps trying to work out her own feelings on the subject.
Back to the evening of the memorial now, Clarke watches Jackson and Miller bring out bowls of stew. The group soon digs in, sitting around the fire, enjoying the meal. They are mostly quiet (other than Reyes' constant chatter) probably because the memorial has put them all in a contemplative mood. Clarke's own mood is certainly reflective tonight given that she spent part of the day mourning those who are gone. She looks around the group, and she thinks back to the first time she met each of them and how far each has come. There's Jackson, who Clarke first met when Abby took him on as an apprentice. He was a gangly, downcast, sincere teenager just a few years older than Clarke herself. Clarke remembers meeting Miller several times on the Ark and then seeing proof many times on the ground that she was right to trust him. She's glad that the two men continue to find happiness together; out of the entire group they are the most content to live out their lives here, though Clarke guesses they'd be happy almost anywhere as long as they were together. Clarke then looks at Murphy, remembering her first interactions with him, almost thinking him a problem to be navigated while trying never to lose sight of the fact that he was a damaged human being like everyone else. She remembers Emori, a bit of an enigma on Becca's island, a bit of a wildcard, but Clarke sensed right away that Emori was having a good effect on Murphy. She's never forgotten seeing Emori brag about Murphy's cooking skills; Clarke could sense the love between them even back then.
And then, of course, Clarke's two great loves.
Madi, her daughter, her sanity during the six long years. She will be forever grateful that the flamekeepers never found her, that Madi happened to live in Shallow Valley, that fate or plain luck brought them together.
And Bellamy. The man who she has always, always been drawn to. Always had strong feelings for even though she spent far too long burying and ignoring them. Now the feelings have been allowed to take root and flourish. And now Clarke has the happiness that she wasn't sure she deserved, that she didn't think was possible. He only has to glance back at her, as he is doing now, and her heart melts a bit, her insides stir. Once again she bites down just a bit of excited anticipation at his reaction to the news she will soon share with him. If they are lucky enough for this pregnancy to continue, to be delivered of a healthy baby, it will change things between them for sure. Life is full of change. Seeing how good Bellamy is with both of Emori and Murphy's sons has Clarke especially eager to see him with his own baby.
It's bittersweet, Clarke thinks. From the memorial service today where she again told the universe that she misses her mother to the fact that Bellamy might never see Octavia again. And the fact that Clarke and the others still have no idea how long they will be here, why this place even exists, where it came from, and a 100 other unknowns. Will they somehow be rescued or will they truly grow old and die here, with Reyes and the other children taking care of them? The idea of never seeing Octavia, Raven, or the others again is a bitter pill for all of them to swallow. Bittersweet. But their lives before this had far more bitter than sweet – and here on Skyring at least it's reversed. Now they have far more sweet than bitter, and that's more than enough for Clarke and her people.
THE END
Author's Note: That's it for now! I loved writing this and would love to get your feedback on it. I don't know how Season 7 will end for my favorites but I enjoy picturing them here. Also, I haven't closed the book on returning to this world someday - so expect an epilogue soon.