Have I mentioned that I love reader requests? A reader asked for more about Miller teaching Jackson to swim, so I couldn't resist writing about that, and more Mackson in general. Jackson's aversion to the water was a subplot in this fic, so I'll bring it to the forefront here.
Jackson
How can something that looks so wonderful feel so terrifying? And how much worse is the fact that I'm the only one afraid of it?
Jackson ruminates on this as he sits on the shores of the lake, his back resting against a tree stump. It's a hot, languid afternoon. His hands are busy with a needle and thread, mending clothing. He's watching the other six inhabitants of Skyring as they cool off, frolicking in the lake.
They swim in their undergarments, of course, as swimsuits are unavailable. A basket filled with clean towels is perched next to Jackson, so the others can towel off whenever they're ready to emerge. Jackson takes periodic sips from his canteen of cool water.
He continues to watch the others swim. They're having fun, for sure. In the past they've played games, some involving racing, others involving dunking others. (Miller and Murphy seem to both take special relish in dunking each other). Today the group looks content to mostly frolic. Some are floating on their backs, others are doggy-paddling around shallower waters. Bellamy is clearly the most adept in the water, which makes sense given his daily attempts to return to Sanctum.
Jackson shakes his head. How are they not afraid? Of not being able to breathe, of drowning. Of water filling the lungs, the eyes, ears, and nose. Of sinking and not being able to rise. He watches Madi periodically dip down underwater and reemerge later, in another part of the lake. Jackson holds his breath each time she dips under, fearing she will never re-emerge. Sometimes he can only close his eyes. He feels a small ache, wishing he could join them in experiencing swimming as fun.
And Miller. How does he do it? He was raised on the Ark, just like Jackson, where you were lucky to get a shower instead of a sponge bath. He lived, with Jackson, for six years in the bunker where your daily sponge bath was a small luxury in and of itself. Those months Miller spent on the ground though. He'd joined others going swimming a few times when they had a rare spot of free time, and he'd apparently never agonized over it. Jackson has asked him about it, and he says his first time all he did was wade in and hope for the best and then figure out how to stay afloat. Miller says it like it was nothing, a fact which Jackson still marvels at.
It was terrifying, the day Jackson and Miller first arrived on Skyring, and it's hard for him to think back to it but he does so today. He remembers it all viscerally. Falling through the green mist on Sanctum and ending up submerged under water. For a few seconds, Jackson thought he was going to die, that after everything he's survived since the Ark went down this was finally his time. But Miller was there, grabbing his arm with steel, somehow strong enough to maneuver them both to the surface, getting their heads above the water. Jackson clung to Miller as he gasped, gulping in air. Miller again somehow filled his own lungs with enough oxygen while he kept his legs moving, treading water and supporting both of them. Miller then arranged Jackson in such a way that the doctor was grasping his back as Miller swam for the shore. Once they reached the ground, Jackson knelt, trembling and coughing, as Miller placed his arms around him, just repeating, 'We're okay. We made it. We're okay.' Looking back, Jackson doesn't remember how long they stayed like that but he will never forget Miller's strength and love as he just stayed there on the shore with him, hugging him and reassuring him. It is strange, Jackson thinks now, how horrible their arrival on Skyring was, contrasted with how much he loves it here now.
"The longer you wait to try it, the worse it's going to be."
Madi said to him once. She didn't mean any harm with those words, Jackson knows. But he has to wonder if his time to ever try this has truly just come and gone. I'm at least 32 now. Too late to get over this and learn?
Miller
It doesn't change how he feels about Jackson, not in the least. Although Miller knows that some folks might call Jackson a coward for not going into the water, Miller would be tempted to punch anyone who ever suggested it. Mostly he'd ignore them though. During his time in the bunker, he learned – like everyone else – how to hold his tongue and calm his anger, how to avoid the fighting pit and survive. How to accept people's foibles, not that he considers fear of water to really be one.
Back in the bunker, the two of them had talked about things like bravery and attraction. Jackson had confessed that he'd once worried that he wasn't Miller's type, given that a lot of the men close to Miller (his dad, Bellamy, his ex) were warriors. Miller had chuckled and said, "Well, I wouldn't exactly want to date my dad or Bellamy – and remember, Bryan and I actually broke up. So it's not like I got a thing for warriors." He'd shrugged. "You're one of the only…gentle people in this godforsaken place, and that's one of the things I love about you." That had closed the book on that subject. So here on Skyring, Miller doesn't look down on Jackson's fear of the water. It simply is what it is. Hell, maybe he's right to be afraid. Back on earth, Miller has seen people hurt themselves in the water – diving and hitting rocks, or nearly drowning in a river's swift current. And of course he has heard plenty about Octavia and Jasper's epic struggle with a water snake. Or was it a water dragon? He's not sure; the story was probably inflated during its many retellings.
"I'll teach you someday if you want," Miller has offered. Jackson has thanked him. And then a couple years slipped through their fingers like water.
Miller has never pressured him to learn. He does once try to entice him though. "You know what the other couples do sometimes?" he whispers into Jackson's ear one night. "On a hot night like this, sometimes they go down the lake and….you know. In the water."
The two men are in their usual spooning position atop their bed. Miller feels Jackson shudder a bit. "What?" Miller asks gently. He then realizes where he has erred. "Oh. Thinking of their bodily fluids in our lake water doesn't exactly make you want to go for a swim."
Jackson chuckles at Miller's remark and tells him, "Exactly."
Miller chuckles too though he also silently kicks himself for not anticipating that, of course, Dr. Jackson would think of "bodily fluids". Miller would really, really love to have sex in the lake and thinks it would be beyond splendid, it would be relaxing and erotic and awe-inspiring all at once. He's kind of jealous that the other couples have done it. But as with all things involving sex, you need a willing partner and that's that.
"Besides," Jackson continues playfully, "what's wrong with our bed? We could….'exchange bodily fluids'right now."
"You're so romantic, Jacks," Miller mutters, but he's never been one to turn down Jackson's advances, he's planting kisses on the back of his neck and forgetting any talk of swimming for the time being.
Jackson
Jackson can't say exactly when or why he makes the decision. He thinks, when it comes down to it, that it might be sheer boredom that makes the call for him. He's lived on Skyring for a couple years now and expects that he will spend the rest of his life here. He loves it here – it is without a doubt the best place he has ever lived; none of the others come anywhere near– but new and exciting experiences do not exactly abound here either. Jackson has never really sought out thrills just for the sake of it, but here on Skyring he's had some exciting moments. Having sex with Miller outside under the stars, drinking hard apple cider and playing crazy games with the others, sitting around the fire at night listening to the others tell stories – some of which were really, really good, some of which have made him shiver.
But most days are pleasantly mundane. Jackson calculates that if he lives to be 70 or 80 or longer – which seems fully possible on Skyring given their lack of war and violence –he might regret never trying to swim. A new challenge might charge up his brain in a pleasant way.
He mentions it to Miller one day when they're working in the garden together, out of earshot of the others. "I think I'll be ready to try it soon. Swimming," Jackson says, thinking his voice might sound casual but that Miller probably knows better.
"Okay, cool," Miller says, keeping his eyes on the seeds he's planting in the soil. "Just tell me when you want to do it."
Miller
A little role-reversal can be fun. Jackson's usually the one who does most of the nurturing-type stuff. Miller taps into all of that, best he can, today. It's not that much of a stretch though – Miller does enjoy the strong hero role; he knows he can do that role well. He just reminds himself he also has to be the patient and caring mentor today too.
"Just keep holding onto me," Miller is saying. "And don't worry – everyone is lighter in the water so I can hold you easy." He adds, "Uh, what did they say in science class? We're lighter in the water because we displace the water and it pushes us up?"
"Pretty much like that," Jackson confirms.
They are in waist-high water and Jackson is clinging to Miller for dear life. Everything from Jackson's grip on Miller to the look of fear in his eyes makes it obvious that Jackson is fighting off panic with every second. Miller is prepared though. He knows that he can't teach Jackson to swim the same way he learned ("jump in and doggy paddle" is not going to work here), so Miller has done his homework. He's asked Emori and Madi if they have any information on how grounders trained their people to swim, and both have several useful steps. Miller is using each and every one of them right now. Supporting Jackson's weight, he has coaxed Jackson into a straight, horizontal position as he teaches him how to move his arms and legs. But he also keeps Bellamy's words in mind – today is more about Jackson's emotional state than about learning technique.
"Okay," Miller says gently. "That's good. How are you doing? Did you want to do more practice now, or do you want to come back and do more tomorrow?"
"A little bit more now," Jackson says, and Miller can't help but to be proud. "You know, it really is pretty out here," he adds, for the first time looking up and taking in the view from the water.
Later, they are back at the cabin with the others. Bellamy says they should toast Jackson but unfortunately the fermentation process needs a couple months before more hard cider will be ready. They toast him with tea instead. Miller is partially ready to fight Murphy if his teasing gets out of hand, but Murphy keeps it to one snarky comment ("took you long enough"), and Miller lets it go.
"I was thinking back to our first day here. You were brave then and you're brave now," Miller murmurs that night, in bed with Jackson.
"I don't know how brave I was," Jackson says with a bemused laugh.
Although it has been a few years, Miller remembers their first day on Skyring like it was yesterday. It started out scary and bewildering but ended with such cozy contentment. Jackson's swimming lesson today has prompted him to replay their first day now.
Once they had reached the shore and Jackson had stopped trembling, Miller lifted his head and looked around. "Where the hell are we?" he asked.
Jackson coughed again and then said, "One minute this green mist was on us and then we were suddenly…underwater."
"This doesn't look or feel like Sanctum," Miller said, his eyes darting around. He looked upwards. "The sky looks different. Hell, even the air smells different." He took a breath. "Come on. We need to scope this place out. There could be danger."
"Right," Jackson said, getting to his feet.
Miller looked around the shore for anything to use as a weapon – but there truly was nothing. A few fallen tree branches or sticks sat on the ground, but each was either far too big to lift or too small to be of any use in a fight. "Okay," Miller breathed, turning to look at Jackson. "Do you want to stay here, maybe hide in those bushes? Or stay with me?"
"I'm not leaving you," Jackson replied firmly. He forced a laugh though it was laced with panic. "I'm not totally useless in a fight. I punched out one of the men who went after Abby."
Miller had taught Jackson self-defense in the bunker. He was glad to hear that Jackson put it to use, but he also saw a flash of hurt at thoughts of Abby cross Jackson's face.
"I know. Okay, we stick together then. Let's move. Just stay behind me, okay?"
The rest of the day was spent surveying their new surroundings. The cabin was the biggest surprise. After quietly observing it for a while and seeing no sign of footprints anywhere, they decided to just go in. The door was unlocked. Checking out the basement was nerve-wracking, and Miller breathed a sigh of relief upon finding no one down there. He did find, however, an abundance of supplies of almost every imaginable kind.
"Well someone obviously lived here. Or lives here," Jackson said when they were both back up inside the cabin's main room. "Look at all this food."
"It's all dried or canned though. There's dust everywhere," Miller said, swiping his fingers over the stove. He walked up to the bed and sniffed it. "Smells…okay. Like, not dirty. Not used anytime recently," he added, lightly touching the bedding with a hand.
"I'm no farmer but that garden outside looks pretty good. It doesn't look like it was abandoned for too long," Jackson said.
Miller nodded and said, "Come on. We need to check out the rest of this place. Who knows how big it is?"
Miller and Jackson soon learned that aside from the lake, cabin, and garden, there wasn't much to Skyring other than the forest. When they first entered it, they were worried it would be huge. But they soon realized that the entire forest could be covered, end to end, in less than two hours. Once again there were no footprints or other evidence of any other life – at least not of the mammalian variety. They debated next steps along with the ethics and risk factor of helping themselves to the food inside the cabin and garden, finally deciding that they would hope that if the owners showed up somehow, they would be reasonable and forgiving. Maybe they could work out an exchange, their labor for food.
Later they sat down to dinner, which consisted of potatoes accompanied by tomatoes and corn. Dried apples provided a sweet dessert. The two men ate slowly, appreciatively, and the sun began to set.
"At least it's nice here," Miller said. "Even though we have no idea how we got here or where we are, or why there's a nice cabin with a garden."
Although the day had been long, their clothes were still damp from their arrival that morning. They started up the fireplace and hung their clothing near it to dry. They found towels outside the outhouse, and just like the bedding, the towels seemed relatively clean.
"It's really nice," Jackson agreed. "But a mystery. A few times today I almost had to pinch myself."
"We've seen some weird stuff in our lifetimes."
They talked more about their circumstances. They wondered if the only way back to Sanctum was the way they came and, if so, they acknowledged that they were stuck. "There's no way I could hold my breath long enough or get deep enough," Miller said.
"Then that goes double for me," Jackson added with a laugh. "I could never go back in there."
After dinner they washed the dishes and checked the fireplace – the fire was steady, looking like it would keep them warm all night. "Just to be safe," Miller began, "let's drag the table in front of the door. I don't think anyone else is out there – we were pretty thorough today. But if they are, at least we'll get a warning before they enter."
Jackson nodded quietly and helped him move the table.
When they climbed into bed and got under the covers, Miller felt content, not worried. The stress and work of the day slowly melted away under he fireplace's warm glow. The cabin was cozy, the bed soft. They kept a window slightly open just to enjoy the fresh outdoor air, something they'd been deprived of for most of their lives. And he was here with the man he loved curled up beside him. A feeling of tired contentment flowed through his veins.
"You did so well today," Jackson said, turning to face Miller. He placed a hand on his chest and stroked it. "You saved me from the water. You knew just what to do to, how to scope out the place. You're smart and brave."
Miller had to admit that he liked the praise. Considering the amount of time he spent in the bunker losing combat drills to Indra or Blodreina herself, the amount of time he'd wished he was as strong or as fast as many of the other Wonkru warriors, it was nice today to receive some compliments. Especially from Jackson.
"Thank you," Miller said, completely enjoying the movement of Jackson's hands which were now roaming rather freely. "You-you didn't do too bad yourself today," he said, his voice a bit more high-pitched than usual.
"Did you see the oil in the cupboard? There were acorns…I think that's what they're called…in the forest. Cooper and her team used to sometimes press the soybeans to make oil. Maybe someone did that with the acorns here."
"Maybe. It's high in calories. Good food source."
"Oil has other uses," Jackson said, now planting kisses along the side of Miller's face. The last one landed on his lips, just as his hands began to explore further down.
Miller knew that from one perspective, he should have resisted. They didn't know how long they would be here, and neither one of them was a farmer or fisher. Squandering something high in calories could actually cost them their lives down the road. But only a small part of Miller's mind had those concerns, and so he tossed them out the window just as Jackson had apparently done. Soon the oil was enthusiastically being put to one of those other uses.
After that, their days fell into a rhythm. Miller and Jackson simply had to put aside their bewilderment at their circumstances and instead focus on coaxing enough food from their new home. They started with the garden. Neither had much liked Kara Cooper but during the bunker years, Cooper usually sat with them during meals at Blodreina's table. Conversational topics in the bunker could be awkward but farming was usually neutral, so they had learned a few things about gardening. That – plus their earth skills classes on the Ark - were enough to keep the garden going, though some crops fared better than others.
They soon expanded to fishing when they saw that the basement contained nets and fishing rods. Miller had given fishing a try a few times on earth, and of course it had been covered in earth skills too. They occasionally caught something, though both found the process of cleaning and gutting the fish to be distasteful at best.
Foraging was harder and for whatever reason, Pike hadn't spent much time on it during earth skills. They both knew that mushrooms could be poisonous so they were extremely cautious with anything they found in the forest, agreeing that they would always start with one of them taking just one, small bite of something. Neither ever got sick. As with gardening and fishing, there was quite a bit of trial and error involved but they soon were foraging mushrooms, berries and other fruits, acorns, onions, and an edible green whose name they had no idea of. Acorns were the most filling though it took while to process them and rid them of a bitter taste. They only rarely had to dip into the supplies of dried and canned foods inside the cabin.
When Miller and Jackson weren't spending most of the day on food production, they got to relish just being a couple, living somewhere peaceful, and still being in love. Some days they just worked quietly, side by side, in the garden together, barely talking. Other days they hardly stopped talking to each other as they fished together or sat by the fireplace in the evenings. They talked about everything from wondering what was happening to their people on Sanctum to trying to understand all the dizzying events that had taken place since the bunker was opened. They debated how much time had passed since then, minus the cryo. Jackson was certain it was at least four weeks whereas Miller believed it to be less than three. They gave each other scalp massages and thought of other ways to show each other that they cared. They both liked when the other would pick wildflowers and present them. They dried out the flowers and hung them for display. They tried some new things in bed, though neither really took to the change-up and were glad to return to what they both liked best.
"I love it here," Jackson said one night after dinner, sitting next to Miller and looking at the fireplace.
"Me too," Miller said, wrapping his arms around him. "This is what I always wanted. I still wonder sometimes if we're dreaming."
"I would be happy to stay here forever."
When Clarke and the others showed up three months later, Miller and Jackson knew it was a good thing overall. True, the others inadvertently brought painful memories with them. Looking at Clarke made Jackson think of Abby – and although it wasn't fair, he wanted to partially blame Murphy for Abby's death. Looking at Bellamy made Miller remember the way he failed to defend him to Blodreina. Looking at Emori and Murphy made them remember what they did to them on Becca's island. And all five of them knew what Miller and Jackson had eaten in the bunker to stay alive. On top of that, Miller and Jackson had been enjoying the quiet serenity of just having this place to themselves.
But they easily saw the other side too and knew that, on balance, having the others here was a good thing. After all, Clarke and Bellamy were heroes who saved Miller from Mount Weather, who saved both of them from the mountains of debris atop the accursed bunker. Madi saved them in the gorge. Miller and Jackson knew they owed all three of them. Also, Clarke and all the others were survivors who had each made their own mistakes too, and they didn't appear to hold any negativity towards Miller and Jackson. (Other than Murphy griping at everyone and every thing except Emori). And Miller and Jackson knew that having other people around – especially others as smart and keen as Clarke and crew – was overall a good thing. So they soon settled into their new rhythm with the rest of the group, happily…perhaps suspecting that they would spend the rest of their lives here.
THE END
Like I mentioned, this whole addendum was the result of a reader request, so just let me know if you have a request too. Would you prefer a flashback to pregnantBellarke or a post-epilogue fic taking place once Raven brings Octavia to Skyring? Any Memori requests?