Chapter Twenty-One

Erik wavered between amusement and mortification hours after his conversation with Antoinette. It had been an uncomfortable conversation, one he had never believed he would be subjected to. The matter was far too personal for him to discuss openly with anyone. Over the years, in the solace and confines of his mind, he would occasionally allow himself to ponder the unknown intimacies that could exist between a man and a woman.

Fearing rejection and certain humiliation, he never ventured out to seek out the pleasures of the flesh, even with prostitutes. Despite the common misconception it was acceptable for man to engage in such things. Yet, he was no normal or common man. He inhaled slowly as he reached to remove his cravat.

Countless times he had wished for nothing more than to be a common man. A simple yet unattainable wish, he was to be forever denied. Among many other things, he thought bitterly as continued to undress.

He paused as he caught his reflection in the mirror. Antoinette's words echoed in his mind as he inspected his unmarred features. He had always done his best to make the best of his appearance, yet for all his efforts, he had never considered himself remotely attractive. How could he? His hand came up to his mask before pausing.

"Even I cannot abide the sight of myself without it." He mumbled softly before lowering his hand. Antoinette was a true and genuine friend. She would say anything to pacify his qualms, especially when it concerned his appearance. Always attentive to his needs, even if he could not place a name on them, she was there to provide them.

Antoinette Giry was perhaps the only living person who understood his complex nature. He could feign annoyance at her intrusive nature, yet he always knew her prodding nature was an extension of her motherly instinct to protect. It was one of her many qualities which made her exceptionally easy to love. Antoinette inspired devotion because of her own unconditional loyalty.

He turned away from the mirror and moved towards his bath. He had enough of his unsettling thoughts, and sought to find refuge in the comforts of a warm bath.

"Is there anything else I may assist you with, Madame?"

Tatiana shook her head, quietly dismissing the maid as she glanced at the clock. She had retreated from the dinner table expecting to find Erik in her bedroom. It had been difficult to ignore the wave of disappointment which spread through her as she discovered her room empty.

Erik's presence had been missed at the dinner table. It was not uncommon for him to forgo their company; however he would still come to her. Their conversations were a highlight for her, if she were to be frank with herself. She had come to welcome his brooding companionship.

Unlike most men she had encountered she found his forwardness refreshing, albeit shocking. Despite this or rather because of it, she found herself rather enticed. Dullness was not a word she could ever possibly use to describe Erik.

She paced silently around her room, dutifully waiting even as logic urged her to retire for the evening. Even as seconds gave way to minutes, she remained optimistic he would appear beside her as was his infuriating habit.

She scoffed lightly as she thought of their earlier conversation. He had provoked her by dismissing her claims she could just as easily surprise him as he had her. He was so certain he alone could startle and appear out of thin air. She quirked an eyebrow as an idea began to formulate in her mind.

The hall was vacant as she carefully walked away from her bedroom. Although, realistically she would have no one to answer to even if she were to be discovered out and about at such an hour, it was an unnecessary risk she wished to avoid.

Pausing before a large decorative curtain which hung by the archway which opened to the hall that housed their guest, she looked around her swiftly before loving the large cloth to the side. The same door she had often used in her childhood greeted her. It was difficult not to recall the many mischievous deeds she had embarked on in thanks to this hidden door. She opened the door which remarkably opened with the same ease she remembered.

Darkness engulfed her as she closed the door behind her. Her hand reached out before her to touch the wall. She felt around briefly before finally coming upon a small shelf. Her hand traced the wooden edges as she slowly moved to its flat surface where her fingertips grazed a small box.

A triumph grin spread across her lips as she took the box in her hand, and opened it. A small rattle confirmed what she had suspected. As a child she had commonly used the various secret passages scattered around her home to hide from certain tedious tasks. More commonly than not, those tasks would pertain to her governess insistence of making her a expert with a needle.

With a flick of her wrist, a small spark came alive. She raised the match in her fingertips to the candlestick on the shelf. She had half worried someone would have removed the items during her absence. They were likely forgotten she mused as blew some dust off the candlestick.

She began making slow calculated steps towards her destination, attempting to ignore the knot in her stomach. The same knot which began to grow with each step. Her courage never wavered as she came to stand before the two way mirror which also served as a hidden door.

Her triumph smile feel from her face as Erik walked into the room wearing only a towel around his lower half.

While her mind screamed for her to look away as any decent woman would, she found herself unable to look away. His back was to her, allowing her to see many well defined muscles. She had never believed Erik to be a weak, but neither had she imagined his form to be finely sculpted. Her lips parted as she noted what appeared to be scars scattered throughout his form.

She could vaguely remember off handed comments he had occasionally made when speaking of his youth. Perhaps his metaphoric statements had not been so metaphoric after all, she thought with a twinge of sadness.

Her hand reached up to hover over the mirror. Wishing she could provide some form of comfort, she realized how entirely inappropriate her presences was. Yet before she could move away, to her utter mortification Erik dropped his towel.

Her eyes widened as a rush of heat spread throughout her entire body. A soft cry of shock escaped her lips. She quickly placed her hands over her mouth, which in return caused her candle to fall and the light to become extinguished.

She saw him turn around at the sound. His face covered by his disheveled wet hair, yet she could clearly see his firm jaw among other things. She closed her eyes as she realized she had never once looked away from his nude form. Opening her eyes again, she watched as he put his robe on casually, as he appeared to be listening for further sounds. She bit her lip and cursed her own stupidity.

She hurried away from the mirror, placing her hand along the wall for guidance. She headed towards the hidden entrance. Her heart hammered fiercely against her chest, as mortification gripped her.

'How can I look him in the face after seeing . . .' her face became red at the memory.

She reached the door and quietly opened it, slowly looking around to ensure the hall was empty. Satisfied she stepped out into the hall, closing the door behind her. Her shame knew no bounds, as her face felt as though it would remain crimson forever.

Swiftly making it to the sanctuary of her bedroom, her hands came up to her face. She could not forget the sight of him, nor could she ignore the foreign sentiments that lingered within her.

"How can I ever be in the same room as he?" She mumbled as she struggled to come to terms with her mixed emotions.

The maid smiled as she finished assisting Meg in adjusting her hat. Meg didn't need words to understand she was just as pleased with the results as she was. Having owned only one hat in the last few years, it was inevitable she would be gleeful about the broader selection she now had at her disposal.

Her hat framed her face in the most flattering of ways. Although, it had silk masterfully interwoven along the brim, it was far simpler than the other hats she had seen at the shop on the day it was purchased for her. "Sometimes less is more," Tatiana had said as she helped her select it. Inspecting herself in the mirror, she couldn't help but agree with her distanced friend.

"Leave us." Meg stiffened at the sound of her mother's voice. Even with the language barrier, the maid seemed to understand her mother's foreign command all too well as she quickly retreated from her room.

"What did I do wrong now?"

"It matters not how many times I tell you; you'll never understand because you refuse to listen."

"You're speaking in riddles, mama." She turned to face her mother's disapproving frown.

"I'm speaking very clearly, Meg." Her mother raised her cane to gently tap at her new hat. "This extravagance isn't us."

"Why must you always seek to remove any happiness I have in accepting these gifts?"

"It is not wrong to be accepting of a gift." Her mother raised her hand to cradle her face. "What is wrong is to allow yourself to believe this gift is somehow an acceptance into their world."

"You always do this," Meg frowned at her mother's words, "You always make me feel as though I've done something wrong, when all I do is accept someone's generous and kind gestures."

"Meg." Her mother warned. "Accepting a gift should show humility not glee. You do nothing to hide your joy at these extravagant gifts, which can easily give way to unflattering talk about us."

"Why shouldn't I be happy? And we have done nothing to be ashamed of."

"It does not matter, for people will resolve their minds to one thing and allow their tongues to run rampant with their venom."

"It's not fair!" Meg defiantly cried. "Why cannot I express myself freely? Why can you not see there is nothing wrong is enjoying gift which are meant to bring joy?"

"You don't understand," her mother shook her head, "you never want to understand. It matters not how innocent the gesture, if we exhibit ourselves in a frivolous manner, they will speak of us, not because we have done something wrong, but because they want to believe we have."

"So I should refrain from displaying any emotion for fear of what someone may say of me?" Meg shook her head. "Well, I refuse! I'm happy because for once in our lives, we do not have to work from dawn until well past dusk for a meager wager which cannot even sustain us."

"Meg!"

"I'm happy because at this moment surrounded by all this grandeur, I'm able to simply enjoy the small trifles of being a young woman." She looked at her mother with tears of frustration. "Above all, I'm happy because there is a good man who is not only exceptionally wealthy courting you, but a man who is kind and above all able to make you smile with one look." Her mother closed her eyes and looked away from her. She could not deny what all could see.

"Whatever sentiments may exist between myself and the Prince are not to be mistaken as a means of opportunity."

"If you did not care for him, I would not dare make any illusions of the possibility of remaining here." Meg approached her mother slowly. "Mama, I do not know why you resist so much, when it is plain to see how wonderfully captivated the two of you are with one another."

"Meg you are far too young and optimistic to understand the obstacles that have and continue to remain in place. I may seem cold, but I can assure you I am not. I'm merely facing my situation with a level head and clarity, I foolishly ignored years ago."

"Mama, I may be ignorant in many ways, but whatever mistakes were made in the past, have surely been paid. Whatever reservations you have, can surely be put aside by the very fact you are both free of any obligations."

Her mother gave her a weary smile."You are so innocent and lovely, Meg. I do not wish to see you climb too high with your illusions, for the fall will be all the more devastating. I tell you, because I have been there myself."

With those words, her mother retreated from her and she could not help but wonder if instead of finding reason against the possibility of love, if her mother had ever thought of reasons for it.

"Do I need to send for a doctor?" Nicholas inquired gently he raised his hand to against her forehead. She had refrained from joining them for their morning meal, sending word she was indisposed. Concerned he had politely excused himself from the table to see what alignment would prevent Tatiana from joining them.

"No, I'm simply suffering from slight fatigue."

"Are you certain?"

"I'm positive. Why not escort Madame Giry and Meg on an outing?"

"I had hoped to make it an outing for all of us however that was before you and Erik became indisposed."

"Erik is ill?"

"Not exactly, it is not his physical well being I'm concerned about."

"He is melancholic by nature, father."

"Not by nature but circumstances," he gave a thought sigh, "Erik's deposition is a manifestation of countless ills inflicted upon his person. Who can say we would be any different had we experienced a fraction of what he has endured?"

"You hold him in esteem."

"I do."

"Why?"

"When I first met Erik, I perceived him to be a poor miserable. I had committed myself to helping him, but did not expect to help him for a prolonged period. To be fair there was mutual ambiguity as to the role we were to play in each other's life. Yet, Erik is a very peculiar man. One who is able to draw you in without effort or intention, which is a gift in itself." He placed his hand over his daughter's face, gently running his thumb across her cheek. "I found myself caring for an individual who very much needed nurturing and guidance, which incidentally was also something I found myself yearning to provide."

"You have not known him very long, yet you trust him."

"I may not know him very long, but I know him. He is a man of his word and he prizes trust and loyalty above all else." He gave his daughter a reassuring smile. "You do not need to fear him."

"I do not fear him."

"Oh?"

"It is difficult to fear a man who is held in such esteem by one's father." He chuckled at his daughters words.

"I'm glad you do not resent his presence."

"I have no reason to."

"Truly?"

"We may not always see eye to eye on certain things; however his mind is uniquely –"She paused for a moment as though searching for the proper word. Nicholas waited a few prolonged seconds, until finally she found her voice again. "Alluring."

Erik gave a slight pause as he reached the top of the stairs. Everyone had retreated for the day leaving him to his own musings. The household was eerily silent, despite it being full of servants and one reclusive Princess. His lips gave an involuntary twitch as he thought of his distinctive tutor. Erik had not seen her all day, a difficult thing to accomplish considering their living arrangements. She had neglected to join him for lunch. Nor had she, to his knowledge ventured out of her bedroom.

Lured by intrigue and a undefined yearning, he found himself slowly making his way to a bedroom which had become all too familiar to him. With skills acquired through time and need, he easily entered the chambers unnoticed. Tatiana appeared far too engaged in her book to notice his presence.

Yet, all he could do was notice hers.

Even when casually dressed in simple gown, there was something of a radiance emulating from her which made her stand out regardless of her attire. Her beauty was worthy of praise and admiration.

He would admire in silence, as he always had. A practice he had established as a youth, and perfected over the years, always admiring from a far. Except he now had the district privilege of being able to engage said creature in the most stimulating of conversations.

He remained still, amused by her inability to notice his presence. A thing she constantly reproached him for yet never remedied. If she was not so lost in her reading, she would have been alerted to his presence.

"It must be a truly an engaging book." He noticed the stiffening of her posture, yet her gaze never wavered from the page before her.

"It is." She replied quietly. He noticed her demeanor was uncharacteristically cool. It had also not passed his notice how keen she was to avoiding eye contact.

"Have I offended you in some way?" The sudden spread of crimson across her features caused him suspect he had.

"Why are you in my room?"

"I became rather bored." He confessed as he took a step closer. "Also, partially intrigued to discover I was not the only one who refrained from joining the others in their outing."

"There is nothing intriguing about someone electing to remain in the confines of their bedroom for the day."

"Perhaps however I cannot help but sense there is more to your sudden need for solitude."

"Are you lecturing me on solitude?" She scoffed lightly.

"Far from it," he remarked with a hint of amusement, "I'm merely voicing my own intuitive observations, however off the mark they may be."

There was a poignant silence which allowed him further examination of her cool reserve. It was appeared she was uncomfortable with his presence; however he could not understand why. It was not the first time they had been alone in the confines of her rooms. Her inability to meet his gaze also had him intrigued. She had never been one to shy away from him; a fact which both amused and infuriated him.

"Is there anything else I can be of assistance with?"

"Am I interrupting your busy afternoon?" He casually asked as he took a seat on her edge of her bed.

"What are you doing?" Tatiana shrieked as her shyness suddenly melted away.

"Getting comfortable," he casually remarked he laid back, pulling his legs onto the bed as well.

"Are you mad?"

"Arguable depending on who you consult." He leaded comfortably against her pillow before turning to look at her. "Care to explain why you seem to cross today?"

"Perhaps because a man with no sense of decency is laying in a bed that is not his and breaking every known rule of etiquette ever established."

"To be fair, we've never really established any rules of etiquette between us, have we? It seems rather redundant to start now."

"We may not have established rules however I never would have thought to explain decency to you?"

"I'm laying next to you having a conversation. What is indecent about this?"

"We are in my bedroom! Unchaperoned!"

"How many times have we not been in your private room's unchaperoned?"

Her mouth opened as to respond only to close. He smirked as he realized she had no counter argument. He inhaled deeply before rubbing the bridge of his nose as he eyes began to burn slightly.

"Are you not feeling well?"

"Tired," he confessed, "I'm afraid I did not sleep very well."

"I used to have trouble sleeping but that was when I was a child." she confessed, " My nanny would always help me go back to sleep."

"I'm afraid I never a nanny to assist me with my insomnia."

"Come here." She said as she placed a pillow on her lap.

"Excuse me?" He asked with a surprised look over his features.

"Trust me." She said as she reached out to pull him down onto the pillow. Not knowing how to react he allowed her to pull him down so his mask was cushioned against the pillow. "Just relax, Erik." She whispered as she began to run her fingers gently over his head.

He closed his eyes enjoying the feel of her hands on his face. When her hand came down to his jaw, he involuntary buried his face into her palm. If she was offended by the action, she displayed no such displeasure as she continued running her fingertips over his features.

Her hair, which was loosely pulled back by a ribbon, began to fall over her shoulders and onto his face. Before she could remove her locks he lifted his hand and began to play with the locks. She was running her fingers back and forth right behind his ear, causing him to begin to drift away and before he knew it he had fallen asleep on her lap.

A/N: Please don't forget to review!