Chapter 22

Tatiana continued reading her novel as she leisurely played with a strand of Erik's hair. He had been asleep for some time, yet she did not wish to wake him. She normally did not care for such close contact. Yet she found his close proximity to be surprisingly not unpleasant.

She spared a glance at her sleeping companion and noted his tranquil expression. He nearly always carried an invisible burden which was reflected in his fatalistic personality. Even in the rare moments when he smiled, he remained cautiously rigid. It was not difficult to believe his life had been far from idyllic. His trials had left a permanent mark on him. One he appeared to only cast away in the comfort of his sleep, however, sporadic it may be.

A wave of compassion swelled within her breast as she thought of all he must have endured to be have been left in such a state. Whenever their conversations somehow touched upon the topic of his past, his replies were always curt and inscrutable. Out of respect, she had never pushed further on the matter. Although, she would be deceptive if she said her curiosity wasn't piqued.

We all have our share of secrets and sorrows, do we not? She reflected desolately.

She cast aside her novel as she glanced down at her sleeping companion. It was difficult to deny he was handsome and alluringly enigmatic. She frowned at her coarse thoughts.

He stirred slightly and turned his head, leaving his masked side visible. She could not deny the temptation that burned for her hand to remove the mask. She wanted to know what it was that he hid from everyone. He has given you his trust...a voice inside her mind whispered. Yes, he had trusted her in his own way and he had opened himself enough to allow her into his life, and if she removed the mask she would be breaking the foundation their relationship is based on. They may not always see eye to eye, and they may enjoy antagonizing one another perhaps a bit too much, but each gave as got as they got. If she betrayed his trust then she would then be no better than those who had betrayed him in the past. Just like Christine.

She moved her hand away, determined not to allow her curiosity to get best of her. If he wanted her to see his face then he would have showed her out of his own free will. How ironic, she thought, here I am trying to see his entire face when I have already seen his…she blushed at her unseemly thoughts. No proper girl thought of such things, she reminded herself. Then again, not many would consider me a proper girl. She chuckled softly.

By seeking to dissolve her marriage, she had all but welcomed the criticism and speculation into her life. It was rare indeed for someone of high society to seek a divorce, even rarer for someone of nobility. She was certain her name would be tarnished and reputation would inadvertently suffer as a result. What did it matter what society thought of her? Despite her wish to convince herself other, in truth, their opinion mattered. There is no greater worth than your name. Her grandmother's words came to mind.

Would she approve of her actions now? Despite wishing to believe otherwise, she was inclined to believe she would have met with disapproval. Everyone was aware of the stigma of divorce. Her grandmother had recoiled at the very mention of it, or so her father had said. The same rules and restrictions which had bound him to her mother would be the same powerful invisible obstacles she would need to conquer.

Tired of her melancholic thoughts she glanced at her clock, noting it was just after noon. She glanced down at Erik, and smiled slightly. She had already broken enough rules, what was another? She leaned back against her pillow careful not awaken him with her movements. Since there is little else to do, may as well get some rest as well, she thought as she closed her eyes.

Antoinette Giry you are being utterly foolish, she silently reproached herself.

She could feel his gaze upon her yet again. Despite her best efforts to dismiss the disconcerting emotions his attentions brought, she could not resist any longer and turned her head to see Nicholas staring quite openly at her. He gave her a warm smile, which even now, caused a swarm of sensations to erupt within her stomach. She nodded silently in acknowledgement before turning her back to him once again. She could feel the heat spreading across her features as she feigned interest at the items exhibited before her.

It seemed ridiculous for a woman of her age to react in such a manner. It was a mere smile, she attempted to tell herself. A smile filled with unspoken promises, she closed her eyes suppressing her treacherous conscious. Thus far, she had done nothing to be reproached about. Her conduct was above reproach. Her name may not be tied to a noble title but it was all she had. A lifetime holding herself to a strict moral conduct could not be thrown away in a moment of weakness.

She was very aware of how easily it was to forget all in moment of blind passion. She had wavered years before, and the price had nearly ruined her. In some ways it did, she thought with some lament. Glancing at her reflection in the mirror, she could not help but analyze the middle age woman staring back at her.

The years had been kinder to her than others; still it was painful to see the bloom of her youth long gone. The lines around her eyes were faint, and appeared only when she laughed, which was rare. Still her eyes remained the same blue color they had always been, even if they lacked a certain spark. I could lose myself in your eyes, Nicholas had once whispered to her. Again, not so foreign emotions rushed forward as she recalled his words.

"Are you alright, mama?" Meg inquired as she approached her.

"Of course it is."

"You seem flushed, is something wrong?"

"All is well. It is simply a little crowded and warm in here, don't you think?"

"It is a bit crowded." Meg glanced around the store. "Shall we go somewhere else?"

"Perhaps we should return. I believe you have been indulged enough."

"I'd be willing to indulge you both for a lifetime, if you'd allow it." A warm and familiar voice spoke behind her. She felt her face become inflamed instantly.

"I'm going to look at the next shop, perhaps you two should wait in the carriage." She suggested with a knowing grin.

Nicholas offered her his arm, and she hesitantly accepted his arm as he escorted her out of the store. Despite the cold weather around them, she could feel nothing but the heat radiating off him.

"You seem distracted Antoinette." Nicholas stated as he offered his hand as she climbed into the carriage. She did not miss the subtle way his fingers lightly stroked against her palm.

"There is much occupying my thoughts." She stated calmly as she took her seat. Nicholas climbed in taking the seat directly across from her.

"Dare I presume I may be one of the objects lingering in your thoughts?"

"Honestly, Nicky, the things you say." She shook her head dismissively.

"Is it wrong to hope I may plague your thoughts as you plague mine?"

It was not the first time he had made such statements. Regardless, every time his words provoked a thrill that warmed her heart immensely.

"You must not say such things." She attempted to chide without much conviction in her voice.

"I speak frankly and openly because I know not how else to make my intentions clear."

"Nicky, I-." she paused as she attempted to find the words. "What can I say that has not already been said between us?"

"Say you will remain at my side always." The softness of his voice conflicted sharply with the intensity of his gaze. She suddenly found herself struggling to breathe normally as she remained frozen in place. How can I possibly respond to such a request?

"We owe respect to our spouses-," she stammered.

"We respected them during their lifetime and beyond," He reached for her hand. "We would be doing nothing to shame them by continuing with our lives."

"Your family would not approve."

"My daughter adores you. All other family has long departed this world."

"You believe your mother would have accepted me?"

"I find myself caring less and less about what the dead would think." He squeezed her hand. "Those who had reason to object to our union are no longer here. All commitments and obligations which had previously wedged themselves between us are no more."

"Society would never accept me."

"I do not care if they accept you, but they will respect you." He vowed. "We can travel if you want. Travel anywhere you desire or live abroad if you wish. What does it matter what anyone has to say but us? We have sacrificed enough for duty. Is it not right we at last claim what we were forced to part with because of it?"

How could she possibly to reply to such passionate words? She found herself struggling to keep her heart at bay. Logic wavered with every passionate declaration voiced from his lips.

"For God sake, say something," Nicholas pleaded. "You reproach me for being too forward, but it is because I feel no shame in declaring my love. If it was not because you have reluctantly spoken of your feelings in the past, I would think this was entirely on sided." He closed his eyes before leaning back against his seat. "If your sentiments have changed, I would prefer if you would tell me directly."

"Changed?"

"I understand it may have been foolish to think you may still harbor the same ardent sentiments we shared in our youth. However, if I was mistaken and have somehow made you feel obliged to –."

"I think of you often," she confessed softly. "There are times I cannot believe we are standing before one another and yet those moments are the moments I look forward to each day. I know I cannot voice my sentiments as openly as you, but do not doubt how very deeply I care for you."

Her voice trembled slightly as he reached for her gloved hand once more and this time brought it up to his lips, gently kissing her palm.

"Antoinette," he whispered against her hand, "for once, let us forget the world and its expectations and simply follow our hearts?"

It was becoming increasingly difficult to think. She ran her thumb over his cheek, allowing herself the pleasure of caressing him within the means of propriety. Even now, she found herself unable to forget the various rules which had governed her life with an iron hand. Why not forget it all and give in?

She quickly removed her hand as she heard Meg's voice outside the carriage.

"We shall continue this when we arrive home." Nicholas said evenly. It was a promise that made her toes curl with anticipation.

It was rare to find himself in such a peaceful slumber. So much so, he was reluctant to relinquish it as consciousness began to filter through his senses.

A familiar and intoxicating scent caused him to inhale deeply, savoring the wave of gratification it brought. He felt his arms around something warm and his head was buried on something soft and round. For a moment he would have sworn he felt his heart stop. He reluctantly opened his eyes. Despite his blurred vision, he could ascertain his face had not been resting on a pillow. He looked up to see Tatiana sleeping with her head slightly turned exposing her long milky neck.

A knock interrupted any thought from formulating in his mind.

"Tatiana?" Nicholas's voice rang from behind the door.

He quickly attempted to remove himself from her embrace but their intertwined limbs proved more complex than he imagined. His awkward movements appeared to have awoken his sleeping companion. She opened her eyes which quickly widened as his hand quickly moved to cover her mouth. He placed a finger over his lips, before pointing to the door as another knock came. She nodded in understanding and he slowly removed is hand.

"One moment please." She said as they both removed themselves from their compromising position. With a slight blush on his face, he began to quietly move towards the closest door available but not before turning to Tatiana who gave a silent nod of approval. With one last glance towards her, he disappeared behind the door.

The moment Erik was out of sight, she moved to unlock her bedroom door.

"Were you sleeping?" Her father inquired.

"Yes."

"I did not wish to disturb you," he said as he entered her room, "Why was your door locked?"

"An acquired habit I'm afraid." she confessed as she motioned for him to take a seat. "How was your outing?"

"Far better than I anticipated. Meg was delighted with the items we discovered. Her joyous demeanor is quite contagious." He smiled. "We all enjoyed ourselves very much, but your presence was missed."

"I'm glad the three of you had a good outing. Perhaps next time I shall join you."

"Even if it is to venture out on your own, I believe it would do you a great deal of good."

"Oh?"

"You have hardly ventured out of our home since we returned to the city."

"I venture out when needed; otherwise, I prefer to remain in the home I missed most dearly during my absence."

"Tatiana-"

"I understand your concern. I'm perhaps not as eager as Meg to visit the various shops and attractions of the city, but its partially due difference in character as much as not wishing to have any unfortunate encounters."

"Anyone in particular you are avoiding?"

"No one and everyone," she shrugged, "I have no desire for the faux welcomes and not so subtle inquiries into my personal matters."

"I see."

"I can assure you I will make it a point to socialize more and steer away from the path of becoming a complete recluse." Her father laughed softly and she glanced at the closet door.

"Is concern for my possible isolation the only reason you're here?" she inquired with a smile.

"Always so astute," he smiled, "We have an appointment with the Tsar tomorrow."

"We do?" She could not mask the surprise in her tone.

"Yes. I will need to speak with the Tsar on a separate issue before addressing your marriage. Naturally, I will make our case however; I must warn you Tatiana, it may be required for you to disclose some intimate information about yourself and Vladimir's..."

"I understand." She replied curtly.

He nodded silently. She could sense his uneasiness about the topic. It was a delicate subject after all, one she rarely allowed herself to reflect on in the privacy and confines of her mind, let alone voice. Shame, anger, and disgust combined with countless more emotions made it impossible for her to ever be at ease with the subject.

"Tatiana, there is something I must tell you." She noticed her father appeared apprehensive, almost nervous.

"What is it, father?"

"I asked her to marry me," he said softly with a slight twinkle in his eyes. The same twinkle he got every time he talked about her.

"Did she turn you down again?" She placed a comforting hand over his and was rewarded with a gently squeeze and ethereal smile.

"The wedding will be in two months."

A/N: Please don't forget to review!