I thought I had retired. I thought I would never find another show to inspire me. I'm glad I was wrong. I want to write. I hope you enjoy. Please be patient with me, I had an idea, then it flipped as I was writing and did its own thing. SVU is my Covid quarantine obsession.
Disclaimers: I think I remember how this works… Ain't mine and I ain't got nothing. I'm only playing with them, and then I'll put 'em back in the sandbox.
Set season 7, FAULT / FAT, spoilers…
Moments
By Katsume, M audiences eventually. E/O 2020
Elliot's POV:
I keep losing people…My anger is unpredictable now, a tinderbox with the match already lit, flames eagerly snapping up every scrap of fuel they can find. I'm drifting in the middle watching as it consumes everything around me. No wonder your partner dumped you. My center of gravity is gone. Everything that grounded me, destroyed in the flames. The heat is overwhelming. The loss, devasting.
I open my locker looking for a clean shirt. I'm floundering. I think my anger is righteous. Blane is an asshat, but I keep diving back into his words. No wonder your partner dumped you…All our years together, partners, friends, and I can't fathom it. How did I miss the signs? Why didn't she tell me? Why didn't Cragen tell me? Why did I have to hear something so monumental as a new partner from Blane? I should be focused on the case, but I can't. The flames are lapping at my toes… I pull out a shirt and put it on, adjusting the way it sits, the collar, trying to make it comfortable, but all I want to do is walk away, leave all the confusion behind. A small sound and then the flames begin to dim a bit, shrink back slightly. I turn, and my oasis is within reach. Olivia… standing there like a sad angel, watching me. I try to hide the hurt and the relief in my eyes.
"I liked that shirt."
I drop eye contact. "What are you doing here?" I try to make it sound as if I'm not hurt or worse betrayed by her defection.
"I heard what happened between you and Blane."
"What can I tell you, he's a prick." I can't make eye contact because part of me knows why she left and part of me doesn't want to accept my own blame. I told her I needed her. How could she throw me away? I look up and her eyes skitter away. I study her like she's been gone forever, not just a couple of days. She finally meets my eyes and I lock on, demanding an answer. "Why didn't you tell me?"
There is a sadness to her face, like hard truths are a bit too much, and she drops my eyes again. "Elliot, we've been partners for seven years, longer than anybody else here. We needed a change." Once more her eyes lock with mine and I see so much more than her words communicate. Can she hear me through mine? I need her. I trust her. I don't know how to cope with all I'm carrying if she isn't beside me, helping me with the load. Olivia, I need you!
Her eyes dip again. "I'm sorry. "It's just.. just too complicated." The heat begins to rise once more, the flames engulfing my skin. The anger mixed with betrayal, more fuel.
We both look anywhere but at each other. Barely two feet between us, practically sharing the same air, and I must move before I do something even more stupid. My mind rolls between shaking her and kissing her. Kissing her? Where did that come from? I can feel the rocks crumbling beneath me. I must go Now! "Thanks for dropping by." I step around her and head towards Cragen's office. I can't deal with this. I need to find someone else to focus these flames on. Sarcasm, anger, betrayal… I guess this is my new normal.
TBC