Heroin and Vodka

Author's note: Hey guys! Thanks for the reviews. I'm pleased to inform you that as of 19/1/19, this fic has officially hit 50 reviews! Which is a lot considering the fact that fanfiction for HTGAWM is far less than any other TV show, with only around 310 stories so far on . Anyways, enough of statistics. I don't want to bore you guys with numbers and stuff. I'm pleased to kick off Season 4 on a high note. Hope you guys enjoy it as much as you did Season 3! Happy reading!

Disclaimer: I do not own How To Get Away With Murder. Its plot and characters are the sole property of Pete Nowalk and Shonda Rhimes.

Chapter 28

Annalise sighed as she sat down on the chair and pulled the envelopes towards herself. Part of her knew this was wrong—the easy way out. But part of her which yearned for a fresh start was nagging her at the back of mind.

Annalise shook her head as she took a pen of the stand and began to pen down names.

To Micheala, Connor, Laurel, Asher…and Bonnie

As she finished penning down their names, she pulled a last envelope towards herself. This was one she had penned just last night. She fiddled with it. The nervous way in which she held it was almost as though she was holding a live bomb in her hands.

Her mind flashed back to her last meeting with Isaac.

Flashback

"Annalise?" Isaac asked in surprise, noticing her standing at the edge of the door.

"Look. I was just leaving. I just came by to see how you were doing and—" but Isaac cut her off.

"Nonsense. You weren't thinking of leaving without at least seeing me first, right?" he asked, the corners of his mouth curling upwards in a smile. "Besides, I need someone to talk to while I'm cooped up here."

Annalise shook her head.

"I really shouldn't." Annalise replied softly.

The smile faded from Isaac's face.

"I…I understand. Especially after…what transpired between us last time…" he trailed off, turning his face away.

Annalise's eyes widened. This was the last thing she wanted him to think about, especially given his condition.

"Hey." she said softly, walking up to him. Isaac was steadfastly staring away. "Look at me."

Isaac turned to face her. Part of him was ashamed to face her as he tried to think of anything to say to her which would justify his actions. But words were failing him entirely right then. He opened his mouth to say something, but Annalise beat him to it.

"I forgive you." Annalise replied, softly as she reached out and grasped his hands and tenderly held them in her's softly.

Isaac gaped at her, his mouth open slightly in shock, not daring to believe what he had just heard.

Annalise couldn't help but chuckle at his dumfounded expression.

"What? Cat got your tongue?" she asked cheekily.

Isaac shut his mouth in response. He gulped before answering.

"How?" he asked. "After everything I did to you. After all those things that I said.? After…I let you down. Again."

He lowered his head. A deep pang of pain hit him as he recalled the words he had said to her. He had used her deepest, darkest insecurities against her. Not only had he acted unprofessionally, but he had acted out of pure spite. He had willingly struck back. Not only against a patient, but against…a friend. Someone who had needed him the most and who he, in turn, had failed to support in her hour of need.

"Isaac?" Annalise asked.

Isaac looked up at her.

Annalise could see the conflicting emotions in his eyes. He was trying to comprehend how on earth he could have earned her forgiveness, but failing miserably.

"You weren't…you." Annalise replied, grasping his hands tightly in her's. "You were high and…we've all been there, really. Both you and I. You didn't let me down, Isaac. You were hurting. And I failed to notice it even when I should have and—"

"Stop!" Isaac replied. "I was high. But that was no excuse for the way I behaved. I lashed out at you. You…you should be hating me right now."

Annalsie shook her head.

"How could I?" she asked. "You were in pain and…and I know you didn't mean any of it."

"I did." Isaac replied. "Then and there, I meant every single word I had said."

Annalise sighed. This pity game had gone on far too long. Now it was time to get matters into her hand.

"Isaac. You can't blame yourself." Annalise replied, her tone changing to a stricter one. "You're a man, for god's sake. Act like one!"

Isaac gaped at her in shock and at a complete loss for words.

A moment of silence passed between the two of them before both chuckled softly in response.

Annalise gazed into his eyes as he gazed back at her's.

"So…" Annalise began.

"So…" Isaac replied.

"Are you…in pain?" Annalise asked, as she eyed the dialysis machine which stood nearby.

"No." Isaac replied, all too quickly.

But Annalise, who had now known the man for a solid 6 months, could tell when he was lying. But she decided not to badger him. But Isaac, in turn, too knew exactly how Annalise was feeling just then. And he wasn't going to stand and let her suffer in his presence.

He straightened himself before replying.

"You didn't do this to me, Annalise." Isaac began softly.

A painful lump rose in Annalise's throat. She gulped.

"You're not my doctor anymore. So you don't need to say things to make me feel better."

"That's not why I'm saying it." Isaac argued.

"So you think you would have relapsed had I not walked into your office? You really think that?" she asked.

"I…I wanted to die, Annalise." Isaac replied, softly. "That's why I'm here. I gave up."

Annalsie's eyes widened.

"You…what?" she asked.

Isaac nodded before continuing.

"You and I—we're very different. You get things thrown at you and you get back up. You choose life."

"I'm a drunk." Annalise replied, in a low voice.

"You're sober." Isaac replied.

"No. No. You let me take responsibility for things once in my life." she replied as her voice cracked.

"But you didn't." Isaac replied softly. "You're not the reason why I wound up here."

"You're still defending me?" Annalise asked, in exasperation. "After all that I did to you. I was a trigger to you. I was the reason you were suffering." she replied, as tears began to stream down her face.

Isaac reached out and gently brushed her tears away.

"You forgave me." Isaac began. "And I forgive you." he said simply. "We both hurt each other. And we've both survived it. I think…I think it's time we move on."

Annalise stopped crying as she raised her hand and wiped the stray tears away from her face. She looked down at him.

"I've some good news." she began.

"Oh?" Isaac asked, with interest.

"I've been acquitted of my charges." Annalise replied.

"That's….that's great news, Annalise!" Isaac replied, the happiness evident in his tone. "I'm so happy for you."

"It gets better." Annalise replied, a small smile forming on her face. "The D.A's dropping his charges against you."

For the second time that day, Isaac was at a loss for words. He was silent for a few moments before he spoke up.

"A-Are you sure?" he asked, his voice trembling.

Annalise smiled and nodded.

Isaac smiled widely.

"Thank you." he replied softly.

"There's no need to thank me. I was just doing my duty." Annalise replied.

Isaac reached out and took her hand in his and placed it against his cheek.

"Thank you." he mumbled.

Isaac tugged Annalise's hand and pulled her closer. He gently taped his head to her's. Their lips met. Annalise leant into the kiss, kissing him back earnestly before she pulled away.

"So, how are things with Bonnie and the kids?" Isaac asked.

"Bonnie's fine. The kids are also doing okay, I guess. I mean they are all still recovering from Wes's death."

Isaac nodded understandingly.

"So you're still living at Bonnie's?" he asked.

Annalise thought he caught something in his voice.

"For the time being, yes." she replied, unsure as to where this conversation was headed.

Isaac opened his mouth as if to say something, but then shut it and quickly looked away. Annalise decided not to push him.

"Well, I should get going then. Don't want to be caught by Jacqueline." Annalise replied with a sigh. "I guess I'll be seeing you after you are discharged."

"I wish you didn't have to leave." Isaac replied, still holding on to her hand softly. "I can take care of Jacqueline if it comes to that."

Annalise shook her head softly.

"The last thing I want to do is cause any more trouble." she replied with a wry grin. "And God knows, I've had enough of that to last me a lifetime."

Both of them chuckled at that.

"Amen." Isaac replied, with a nod.

End Flashback

It had been two weeks since their last meeting. Annalise pulled up at Isaac's, the envelope in her hand.

Dear Isaac,

I know things haven't been smooth with us lately. And I don't want to look as if I'm leading you on. That would be the last thing I want. I don't have the guts to face you anymore. Not when I know that I'm the reason you relapsed in the first place.

She gazed at the set of stairs leading down to his clinic.

I know you forgave me for everything. I don't know why. Perhaps you felt compelled to do so after I forgave you. Or perhaps, you're just that good.

She emerged from her car and steadily walked down the stairs, tears streaming down her face.

But knowing you, I couldn't bear to live with myself if I was the reason for your pain. You overdosed. You nearly died. And you've always been my strength, at least ever since I've known you. I won't be able to forgive myself if I was the reason something happened to you.

She walked up to his door, and knocked, wiping the tears off her face.

"Coming." Isaac replied from within.

Please don't take this the wrong way. It wasn't you. Its all on me. I never deserved you. And I still don't. You deserve someone who will always make you happy, not trigger you consistently and make your life miserable. Its probably for the best that we don't meet anymore. For both you and me.

Sincerely,

Annalise.

Annalise watched as there was movement from within. She quickly slipped the envelope underneath the door and steadily backed away from the door and towards her car. As she turned the corner, she watched a s Isaac emerged outside. Not seeing anyone at first, he glanced around and spotted the envelope with his name on it.

With tears streaming down her face, Annalise revved up her car and left without a second look behind.

Author's note: There you go! I bet you all didn't see that coming. The dynamics between the two will shift now. So, sorry to disappoint you guys. But you'll have to bear with me for a few chapters. Because these two aren't getting back together before the mid-season finale. But when they do, it will be worth it. Trust me.. On that note, how did you guys like 5x09? I personally found it a bit slow with all the flashback but it was still good. Plus, Eve is back! Yay!

The next chapter will be out by early February. Read and review.