Heroin and Vodka

Author's note: Hey guys. What's up? I know. I'm sorry I haven't updated in a month and I promised you guys that I would update. But I've just been swamped under so much work lately over the past month. Its just been one crazy month! But I'm not giving up on this story—not even close. So, Season 5 is over. And it was one HECK of a ride! I knew the Governor was in it all along. But who would have guessed Laurel's brother would show up out of nowhere. That was….unexpected to say the least. You know what? I'm beginning to think the show writers are becoming sloppy and lazy. I thought we were done with Laurel' s family after Season 4. But the writers seem to keep employing them as some type of cheap copout which is really annoying in my opinion.

Anyways, enough about my ranting. Have a good read!

Disclaimer: I do not own How To Get Away With Murder. Its plot and characters are the sole property of Pete Nowalk and Shonda Rhimes.

Chapter 30

"So…" Isaac asked, opening the door and letting her in. "…How have you been?"

Laurel turned around with an awkward smile.

"Didn't we kind of have this conversation that night?" she asked.

Isaac chuckled.

"You're right. We did." he replied, shutting the door behind him. "Its just a habit, I guess. I ask this to all my patients regardless."

He walked over to his couch and turned to her.

"Please take a seat. Anywhere where you're comfortable." he replied, indicating at the various seating furniture in the room.

"Thanks." Laurel replied, occupying her position on the large sofa, adjacent to Isaac's couch. Isaac nodded and occupied his seat. He reached out to the mantelpiece on his side and took up his writing pad and pen. He reached into his coat and pulled out his glasses and put them on. He scribbled the date on the pad and looked up at Laurel.

"Shall we begin?" Isaac asked softly.

"Yes. Let's." Laurel replied.

"Now we'll be nervous the first time." Isaac continued.

"I'm not." Laurel replied with a shrug.

Isaac raised his eyebrows.

"You've…been at therapy? Before?" he asked.

Laurel shook her head, reclining into the sofa.

"Not me per se. My mother… was diagnosed with BPD after I was born." she replied, her eyes shifting away.

"Your mother was bipolar?" Isaac asked, noting it down for future study.

Laurel nodded.

"Would you happen to be aware of your mother's diagnosis?" Isaac followed up.

She sighed, straightening up.

"Bipolar 1, rapid cycling." She paused, before continuing. "She was diagnosed after she gave birth to me. She was hospitalized until she was so drugged out that she could no longer be considered a danger to herself or to others."

Isaac nodded, noting the details down subsequently.

"But let's not talk about my mother, shall we?" Laurel asked, looking up at him.

"You're right." Isaac replied, putting the notepad away. "But I always ask my patients to disclose any and all psych histories in their immediate family, so that I may establish a pattern to their behavior, irregular or otherwise, as they display in future sessions. And indeed. We're here to talk about you."

She nodded, reclining back into the couch.

"Now." Isaac replied. "I may be repeating myself here. But how have you really been?"

"Fair enough. " Laurel replied. "I'll play along. It hasn't exactly been the best of times for me, these past few weeks."

Isaac looked at her sympathetically.

"I understand." he replied, "Wes was close to you all. Especially you."

Laurel looked up at him, puzzled.

"And what exactly do you mean 'especially you'?" Laurel asked, her tone becoming skeptical.

Isaac met her eyes.

"I meant to say you were his girlfriend, weren't you?" he asked.

Laurel's vision shifted slightly, as a sudden memory assaulted her.

"Have you lost your mind?"

CRASH!

"Laurel?" Isaac asked, trying to draw her attention.

Laurel shook her head, the memory receding away into the background. She attempted to hold on to it. But it was in vain. It was like holding running water in her cupped hands. She sighed.

"Are you all right?" Isaac asked, concerned.

"Yeah. No. I'm…fine." she replied.

"Are you sure?" he asked. "Only you seemed to have zoned out a bit there."

"No. I'm fine." She replied a bit more forcefully. She suddenly recalled the conversation they had been having before her little…episode.

"Who told you that we were seeing each other?" she asked.

"Why, Annalise did." Isaac replied.

"Of course she did." Laurel mumbled below her breath, low enough that Isaac didn't catch it.

"Was it…not alright for me to know?" Isaac asked hesitatingly.

"No." Laurel replied. "It's fine. I mean everyone knows already. Why not you too?" she replied, her tone taking on a sarcastic edge.

Isaac caught the change in her tone, but decided not to comment on it and further antagonize her.

"I hear you're pregnant." Isaac replied, deciding to switch the topic.

"Yes." Laurel replied, with a sigh. "Please don't lecture me on getting knocked up. I didn't do it on purpose."

Isaac chuckled.

"I wasn't going to actually." he replied. "I'm your therapist and as such it isn't in my jurisdiction to judge you, after all. What I meant to ask is how you've been dealing with it so far?"

"If you're asking me what I have decided to do, then here it is—I've decided to have it." She took a deep breath. "I'm having the baby."

Isaac's eyes lightened and he smiled softly.

"Then I guess a hearty congratulations is in order." he replied warmly.

"Thanks. I guess." Laurel replied, looking away. "Well. that's my big news."

Isaac frowned.

"You don't seem particularly pleased about it?" Isaac asked.

Laurel didn't reply. She got off the sofa and began to pace up and down the room. Isaac's eyes followed her steadily, patiently. She turned to face him.

"I don't know what to feel anymore. Alright?" her tone rising. "I'm due in like five month and I know that's…crazy soon and—"

"Hey. Hey." Isaac replied placatingly, getting up and walking over to her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. Her entire body was shaking. "Sit down," he replied gently, leading her to the sofa.

Laurel nodded, flicking a strand of her hair back. She sat down on the sofa. Isaac resumed his seat.

"Look." Isaac began. "I can hardly imagine what you're going through right now—what with Annalise's arrest and Wes's death and—" but Laurel cut him off.

"I could care less about Annalise." she replied hotly. "She's the whole reason why Wes is dead in the first place!"

Isaac's eyes widened.

"What…do you mean?" Isaac asked.

"She's the reason he's dead!" she spat. "If she had never chosen him for the stupid Keating 5, then Wes would still be alive right now." She looked up at him. Her eyes held a frantic look that Isaac was all too familiar with, having seen exactly such a look in patients before. "She promised to protect us. She failed to do so. She failed to be the person she promised us she was—and now one of us just got killed and—"

"You're wrong." Isaac replied sharply, cutting her off.

Laurel paused.

"What?" she asked.

Isaac sighed.

"Wes…." he replied, "….meant more to your professor than you could have ever imagined."

As Laurel sat awaiting an explanation, Isaac's mind flashed back to the night Annalise had shown up at his place, right after she had received bail.

Flashback

Annalise was seated on her couch. Silent.

In fact Isaac was silent as well. They were both silent.

The kiss they had shared mere moments ago still lingered in Isaac's mind. He had never expected this turn of events. Annalise broke the silence.

"Can we talk?" she asked quietly.

Isaac nodded.

"Of course Annalise. What is it?" he asked.

"Its…about Wes." she began.

"Go on." he replied.

"I…knew him. As a boy, I mean." She replied.

"You did?" he asked, surprised.

"Yes. His mother died and left him alone. I…tried to look after him." She looked up at him. "I didn't do it because I was trying to be some saint. I did it by guilt. I hurt him in ways which I cannot even admit to you. I just couldn't leave him alone. And I know why. I lost my baby but this…is so much worse than that. I would…worry whether he had done his homework or had any friends. And in Christmas, it would just make me sick…whether he had any presents. I tried to tell myself to stay away. What was broken in me would always be broken. It would stay that way. And then I did the opposite."

She paused, before continuing.

"I took him into my life. Into my home. He needed someone to look after him. Someone to love him and I wanted to be that person. I wanted to protect him. I…tried so hard. All I did was ruin it. If I had just left him alone, he would just have been fine. But I just wanted to—just wanted to love him. I wanted to hold him tight and keep him safe. He was just a stranger to me. But that's a lie. He wasn't just a stranger." Annalise's voice began to crack. "He was…he felt like….he felt like my son. Because he was. He…was my son."

Tears were streaming down her face.

Isaac's heart clenched in pain to see this strong, confident woman that he had known for the better part of a year, shatter like this. He got up from his couch, walked over to her's and sat down beside her. He raised his hand and gently brushed her tears away.

"Annalise." he began softly. "I barely even knew Wes. So I will not pretend that I know how you feel. But…you can't let this get to you. You…probably meant that much to Wes as well. If he were alive right now…" Isaac paused and placed his fingers on her chin and raised her face to face his. Her eyes bore into his. "…Believe me. He would tell you the same."

Saying so, he pulled the woman into his chest as Annalise continued to sob.

"I lost Stella. And when I did, the pain I felt…it was…I couldn't even begin to explain it in words. But I survived it. And if I can survive it, I believe you of all people I know should as well. I…believe in you, Annalise."

End Flashback

Laurel was quiet after Isaac finished narrating the incident. She looked up at him, breaking the awkward silence between them.

"I…didn't know." she replied, softly.

Isaac gave a wry smile.

"Its…surprising how much we don't know about those who are close to us. Those whom we think we know better than they do themselves."

"I never claimed to know Annalise. No one does." Laurel replied defensively.

"Don't get me wrong." Isaac replied. "I didn't state that you did. All I meant was that you should give her more credit. The benefit of the doubt."

Laurel was silent.

"Well." he replied, taking off his glasses and placing them on the mantelpiece. "I think we've covered sufficient ground today. I'll be seeing you next Friday then."

"Really? But we haven't gotten to the reason for my visit yet." she replied.

"This isn't a process that can be rushed, Laurel. Trust me. We'll get to it. Eventually. Just not today." Isaac replied.

Laurel nodded. She got off her couch and walked over to the door and pulled it open.

"Oh. And Laurel?" Isaac called out.

Laurel turned back around to face him.

"Wes might be dead. But you're not alone in this." he replied, softly. "Your friends? They are hard to come by. Treasure them while you still can."

Laurel nodded before stepping across the threshold and shutting the door behind her.

Author's note: There you go. We haven't gotten to Laurel's mysterious visions yet. But we'll get there soon. In a chapter or two. Meanwhile, updates will be a bit sporadic over the next few weeks as I have my dissertation coming up by the end of March and semester exams in April. But I will keep updating the story if and when possible. So, no need to worry. So, what are your thoughts on Season 5? And the finale? Let me know in your reviews. Have a good time.