A/N: Two updates in a row. I spoil y'all too much.

Adakyo Blake, Games Announcer

I slide into the booth like a phantom, my polished leather shoes noiseless on the crushed velvet. I slide up behind my wife, Seraph, and kiss her gently on the head. She startles, leaping upwards like a spooked rabbit.

"Frightened of me?" I tease her lightly. She sighs. "Cut the crap, Adakyo. Let's just get this over with." I hiss slightly but spin on my foot and plop down on the announcers chair with a surly grin.

Seraph notices. "Don't sulk. It's hardly attractive, darling." I roll my eyes and open my mouth to respond when I hear the swell of twisting, near tangible music and voice. Seraph bounces on her chair, our argument forgotten, or at least put on hold. Trumpets flourish. The scent of thousands of blooming flowers reaches my noise, and I cringe from the sugary bouquet of smell.

"The parade!" Seraph hisses, smacking me on the arm. I cringe away from her. "Oh, right! Sorry, dearest!" I gasp, and then flush with pink embarrassment as I realize- in my haste to apologize to my angry and very pregnant wife, I've spluttered into the microphone and the whole of Panem is having a good laugh at my expense.

I shake my head as if I'm getting rid of a bothersome flea and begin to speak, my cheeks twin points of red flame, my angry wife shaking her fist behind me.

"From District One we have… ah. Well, this is a bit of a letdown. It appears Iko- we all know Iko, don't we?- has decided to recycle last year's outfit's for Mason and Chablis. The two are adorned in, sparkling gold body paint, marble-esque togas, and fashionable -even if reused- feathery wings dotted with elegant gems in all different colors. It's tasteful, yes, but there's literally nothing original about it. Well, I-know, that I-ko, (heh heh) is in her final stretch. She must be losing her touch. Mason realizes it too, and is standing stiff and angry with a face that shouts 'stone' to me. Chablis seems to be enjoying it, though- flirting with the audience, and gracefully stealing the roses meant for the far more adequate Mason."

District One and their unimpressive brood turn the corner, to be replaced by District Two's sleek steel chariot. I examine the tributes and begin to speak, riding the waves of excitement that the spectators are emitting.

"District Two's done something new- well, not new exactly, but something that hasn't been done in a while. Peacekeeper outfits! We are loving this sleek suits and pseudo-guns- or at least I hope they're pseudo-guns. Venie doesn't seem to be enjoying her costume as much as we are, however- she keeps tugging at the suit to no avail, her fingers slipping off the non-absorbent plastic. She's clearly unhappy with how curve-hugging and revealing the suit is. What about we give her some roses, eh? Venie's male counterpart, Taurus, resembles Mason quite a bit with his stillness, except while Mason was angry, it appears that Taurus, er, just… doesn't care. Well. The emotionless tributes always do better in the Games, eh?"

District Two slides out of sight. District Three replaces it, and I groan.

"Oh, These outfits are truly the peaks of fashion, the coup de grace's of the fashion world- NOT. Futuristic is cool and all, but I think these clunky robot costumes are going too far… way too far. Futura and Tesla look like they want to disappear, and I can't blame them. I want them to disappear too. Perhaps this costume could be improved a tiny bit if the robots were colorful, but their a flat, extremely boring steel gray. Ick. Of course, the costumes would be better if they weren't there at all… Ah, I don't mean that! I'm not a pedophile! I just think it's an ugly costume, I- I- AAAGH!"

I sputter and spit into the microphone as roars of laughter rise from the stands. My face burns brighter then ever, but I press on. District Four rolls in.

"Aloha! Serena and Maximus are looking perfectly beachy in grass skirts- let's be generous for Mason and say 'kilt-', seashells, pearls, and coral woven in their hair, sand on the bottoms of their feet, and swirling blue-and-green body paint that looks just like the ocean! The two of them are both shirtless, but Serena has a long necklace dotted with bushy beach flowers to cover her goods. Both of them are living it up, waving energetically at the crowd and blowing kisses to their fans, though the grins on their faces don't seem quite genuine…"

Serena, Maximus, and their violet-green-blue, oceanic chariot roll out. Five makes it's appearance.

"Oh, I just… ew. A turbine?! A turbine?! What possess someone to make that kind of costume?! I can't even see Nyso's face thanks to the cloud of black smog his ugly outfit is producing, but he's curled up in the corner, so if I'd have to hazard a guess I'd say he's pretty embarrassed. He's also giving us the finger. Oh. Uh… let's turn our attention to Hesiodia, shall we? She's scrunched up in the corner of her chariot, as far away from Nyso and his smoke-spitting costume as possible, but she's still waving and bouncing exuberantly. Her outfit is turbine-gray, too, but it's much better then her poor District partner's. First off, it has her name scrawled on it in neon paint- light-up paint. Because Five… and light… Oh! I get it! Second, it's not spewing soot everywhere. Definitely a plus. But the horror of Nyso's outfit and his, uh, sour attitude definitely outweigh her relatively innovative costume and excited, if a bit smug, demeanor. District Five is officially a flop!"

Thank the heavens, District Five finally disappears around the corner, and Six heads in.

"District Six is… not bad, actually! Preston's wearing a conductor outfit, and Quinn's donning the sleek tiles of a hovercraft, only modified to work on a plain, short dress. The girl already nicknamed 'Panem's Lightbulb' is dashing to every corner of the large chariot, waving and baring her teeth in several oddly aggressive smiles. She's dragging Preston along with her, who just seems tired. His eyes are red, like he's been crying. I do hope he's alright. Overall, District Six might be a little dull and yawn, but it's not terrible! It gets a pass! Give it up for District Six, everybody!"

District Seven's chariot rolls in.

"Well, District Seven is- IS HEAVENLY RIDING THE HORSE?!"

"After the total catastrophe that was District Seven, we're moving on to a much calmer district. Eight is a bit boring, like Six, but I'm sure that after Seven we're glad to see something resembling normal. Cajsa and Ajax are rag dolls, in baggy patchwork outfits, with buttons over their eyes. I take it back. District Eight isn't normal- it's more then a little creepy. I'm going to have nightmares after this, aren't I? Anyways, the two are dressed as rag dolls, and clutching dolls to their chests. Cajsa is shy, but smiling sweetly, with her mouth closed. Go on! Show us those shiny teeth! Ajax is playing the crowd like a fiddle, winking at them, blowing kisses, and practically dancing to the formal music playing. It would be more charming if he wasn't blinded by black buttons and stumbling clumsily all over the chariot, bouncing off the walls. He's receiving far more then his fair share of flowers, however. Must be the looks."

"Oh! Here's something we really haven't seen from Nine before. The two are wearing sweeping golden robes edged with wheat-colored thread and wearing elaborate, beautiful gold headdresses with amber gems shaped like the tops of wheat stalks. They have staffs, too, shaped like- you guessed it- wheat. They look very stately, and the crowd is simply eating them up! Rodrick is ignoring the crowds completely, staring extremely obsessively at an obviously uncomfortable Teryn. He doesn't seem to be blinking."

"Ten is… Ten is cows."

"Richard is an apple. No joke. He looks positively edible in that outfit, yes, but it's not exactly the last word in fashion. Finlay redeems Eleven, however, with her gorgeous apple-blossom dress. The girl looks like she's simply fluttered in from the orchard! Finlay's fiddling with her hands, looking quite unhappy. Stop picking at your fingernails! Nasty habit. Richard looks embarrassed, but he's waving energetically at the crowd anyways, gaining their attention with his megawatt-bright grins and saucy hair flips. The men might not be so quick to forgive him for his prep team's mistakes, but the woman seem willing to look beyond his ridiculous apple costume…"

I bite down hard on my lip as the final chariot rolls in. Almost done. Almost done…

"Last but certainly not least, we have District Twelve! Henry's in the miner's outfit atypical of twelve, soot stains and all. Alicia's stylists, however, appear to have tried something new. She's wearing a creamy yellow dress embellished with yellow feathers, and gold wings unfurl from her back. I'm not sure what she's supposed to be… oh, wait! My wife's informing me she's a canary in a coal mine! Oh, that's clever! She seems to think so too, fluttering her wings energetically and waving wildly at the crowd. Henry is in the same boat, despite not having any wings to flap. He's doing quite well with his arms, however."

I mop my brow.

"Well, those were the Chariots, everybody! So much beauty, so much grace… and so much failure!"