Trigger warning for mentions of sexual assault during the batarian attack on Mindoir.

"There she is."

Shepard cracked her eyes a tiny bit, wincing away from the light. "Umm … what?"

Rough talons pressed against her cheek and soft fingers gripped one of her hands. "We almost lost you there," Garrus replied, his voice low and comforting.

Frowning, she blinked up at the turian as he leaned into the light. He looked exhausted but happy. "How could you lose me, C-Sec? Where am I going to go?"

Shiala chuckled. "I believe your people call it heaven."

Blowing a raspberry, Shepard rolled over a little, tucking herself in against Garrus's chest. "I can't die. C-Sec said he'd kick my dead ass if I did. Can't have him desecrating the dead. Besides, I doubt that's my final destination."

"Yeah, well, if you could avoid needing any more emergency surgery done by flashlight while Dr. Chakwas yells in my ear, I'd appreciate that." Garrus pulled the blankets up around her neck and wrapped his arms around her. "How are you feeling? In any pain?"

Shepard thought about that for a minute, then another, and another, deciding just after she forgot the question that she needed to go back to sleep. "I'm sleepy."

Garrus chuckled. "Then sleep. The Normandy's digging us out, so you'll probably wake up in med bay next time. At least this time when Nihlus calls, I can tell him you woke up."

Shiala laughed. "That might buy you an extra minute between calls."

"Are you warm enough? Still got food, C-Sec?" Shepard mumbled, already giving in to the tide.

"Yeah, I'm fine. A little hungry, but we'll be out of here soon. Sleep. I've got you."

Shepard chuckled even as she dozed off. "Yeah right, C-Sec. You wish. Delusional turian."

§

"Go ahead. I'll carry her." The sound of a hand clapping against something echoed around the space. "You did an amazing thing, Vakarian. Well done."

Shepard opened her eyes at the sound of Nihlus's voice only to press them closed and cover them with a hand. "Sweet baby Jesus, people. You do realize we've been in almost complete darkness for days." She tried to remove her hand, but the light felt like a thousand angry bees attacking her eyes.

"Ornery as always, I see, Shepard," Nihlus's warm voice spoke from beside her, its subvocals sounding strained. "It's good to see some things never change, even when you've been buried alive for the better part of a week."

She almost looked out again. "Kryik? Glad to see you. Well, hear you, anyway."

"Nihlus had us headed for the relay before you hung up that call," a voice said from her other side. "I don't think he's slept in the past three days." Kaidan chuckled as Nihlus cleared his throat. He leaned down closer and lowered his voice to a whisper. "He acts tough, but he's a big softie. He took good care of your crew."

"Brother Sparky?" Shepard grinned and lifted one finger, that much light tolerable. "Glory be, it's nice of you to drop by. Praise the giant glowing asses of the Enkindlers." She shifted, sitting up a little, but all of her ribs screamed at her, and she sank back onto the packs.

She saw a shadow crouch next to her. "Nice vacation spot, Captain," the biotic said. She could hear the grin in his voice. "You sure know how to get away from it all."

Shepard chuckled and lifted another finger to let in a little more light. "Well, I was tired. Needed a little sleep." She squinted, her head aching but tolerable. "C-Sec and Shiala are okay?"

"They're fine, Shepard. Dr. Chakwas will check them over, but they seem to have come through no worse for their adventure," Nihlus answered.

Turning to her left, she saw Nihlus crouched next to her arm. "Good. Thanks for coming so quickly."

The Spectre smiled, his mandibles fluttering hard. "You're welcome. The Normandy isn't the same without her captain. Come on, let's get you to med bay." Nodding his head toward the open side of the shelter, he cocked a brow plate at her. When she nodded, he slipped an arm behind her back and another under her knees, picking her up easily.

Shepard let out a shrill keen of pain that made the Spectre wince. "Sorry," she gasped. "Broken ribs are a bitch." Leaning her head against his shoulder, she closed her eyes, suddenly exhausted again. "Next time, you lead the team that goes into the building that Saren's monster wants to destroy."

Nihlus chuckled. "Okay. It's a deal."

§

Shepard spent most of the next two days drifting in and out while her newly rebroken ribs mended and Dr. Chakwas detoxed her off the painkillers Garrus had been forced to give her. Pretty much every time she woke up, she only had to look to the side to find Nihlus. He brought her up to date on everything he'd discovered in the Exogeni building about the Thorian and the experiments the company had been running.

"Allowing the thing to infect and control all those people … fucking diabolical," Shepard said, shaking her head in disgust. "Trust a massive corporation to start a colony just to turn all their people into test subjects." Shifting uncomfortably, she sat up. "I need to get out of here, lie on my own slab of cement." After glancing around to make sure Dr. Chakwas would not witness her break out, she groaned and braced herself against the edge of the bed to rest for a moment.

She frowned and wrapped an arm around her ribs, then glanced toward the door to the back lab where Shiala had moved in with Dr. T'Soni. "Did Shiala bring you up to speed on the Thorian from her perspective? Sovereign? The Reapers? Did she give you the cipher for your part of the vision?"

Nihlus nodded at each one. "That thing is a Reaper." Sighing, he sank further into his chair. "And there's hundreds more of them." He stared into her eyes, allowing her to see through to where the destruction of Feros filled him with a superstitious fear she knew all too well. "Is it too late to just decide to let the whole thing go, Shepard?"

Raising her eyebrows, she let out a huff of air and nodded. "Yeah. Ignorance was bliss." She held a hand out. "Little help, please?" When he stood, she laid her hands on his upper arms and slid to the floor, using him to brake herself. "I hope I'm back together by tomorrow. We'll be at Eden Prime first thing?"

He wrapped an arm around her upper back, bearing some of her weight as she limped to the door. "Yes. Rael'Zorah made contact with a few people a couple of days ago. They haven't heard from him since, but apparently he left messages for Tali if she showed up there."

Shepard lifted a hand to greet the crew members who called out to her as she limped across to her quarters. Setting her jaw, she did her best to pretend her ass wasn't on display. "Of course, they wouldn't just send those messages to the Normandy?" She shook her head as he confirmed it. "That would be far too easy."

Pausing, Nihlus dropped back a half step and pulled her gown closed over her back. She frowned and glanced back, wondering if turians could read minds. He just resumed the conversation as if nothing happened. "According to Dr. T'Soni, the archeologists on Eden Prime discovered something amazing in the wake of Saren's attack, so both of our asari are eager to get a chance to go groundside as well." He palmed the door to her quarters.

"Okay." Shepard leaned against her desk while Nihlus pulled back her blankets. She smiled, sighing at the general overprotectiveness of turians as he helped her lie down, lifting her feet into bed and then covering her up. Once she lay on her side, pillows piled under her shoulder and head, she let out a long, shaky moan. "Much better. Thanks, Kryik."

She let her eyes close. "Damn, I feel beat to hell. If I get hurt again, just have the doc put me down."

"You blew a hell of a blood clot, Shepard. Your ribs caused a slow internal bleed that broke loose and headed straight for several major organs. I have no idea how Vakarian managed to save you with just an omnitool and his talons, but he pulled out a miracle. Don't be too quick to toss it away." He perched on her chair, looking uncomfortable and awkward.

"Shiala … ." Shepard said, looking up at the Spectre. "The Thorian broke Sovereign's indoctrination when it melded with her. Have Dr. Chakwas run scans … whatever. We need to know if there is something going on with what the Thorian did that we can use to help break or prevent indoctrination. We're going to have the colonists on board for a few more days, might as well have them earn their room and board if they're willing."

Nihlus nodded. "I'll talk to the doctor." He gestured for her to pay attention to her pillows rather than the day's business. "Get some sleep. You look like hell, Shepard."

She chuckled and nodded. "Yeah, well it suits me then, because I feel like hell." Her eyes closed. "You and the crew seem to be bonding." She smiled. "That's good. Glad you've decided to come out of your closet. Literally in the case of that room."

His mandibles fluttered. "I needed to sort through a few things. I can't take credit for digging you out so quickly. The crew galvanized to get you out of there."

"Yeah, but from the way they're responding to you now, I think you might have had something to do with it." She yawned. "You've got the ship?"

"I do. Just rest and get better."

She didn't hear him leave.

§

After another ten hours of sleep, Shepard finally woke feeling well enough and rested enough to have a shower and dress in a t-shirt and shorts, joining the crew at the table in the galley for the evening meal.

"So, what was it like, ma'am?" Jenkins asked, bristling at the jeering from his fellows. "What? Have any of you run from a Reaper?"

Ash shrugged and thumped him on the back. "The kid has a point."

Garrus walked around the corner from the elevator. Shepard grinned at him, and nodded him over.

"C-Sec, pick up Jenkins and run to the end of the sleeper pods there," she called, beckoning him over. "Someone get me a missile launcher."

He looked confused as he settled into the seat next to her. "Why?" He leaned into her a little, his arm slung careless and loose over the back of her seat.

"He wants to know what it was like running from Sovereign." A wide, easy smile spread over her features, her eyes throwing teasing sparks.

Garrus laughed. "No. No. I wouldn't want to steal someone's chance to be the runner. Williams, you carry him. Shepard and I will fire rockets back and forth across the walkway." Shaking his head, he patted the captain's shoulder before pushing himself up and heading over to get a couple of ration bars.

"You know, C-Sec, you've got a point." Shepard relaxed back into her chair, letting out a faint sigh as the action met with no pain. "We've been greedy, keeping all the good disasters for ourselves. Next time, we'll let others take our places, and we'll head to the Citadel, go out for a decent meal, catch a vid, get a good drunk on."

He ripped the wrapper off one, biting it in half. "That's a plan I can get behind." He laughed. "Now, we just need to find a way to predict the disasters so we can plan accordingly."

Williams laughed and got up. "When you figure that trick out, put me down for stranded at a tropical resort, or snowed in at a mountain cabin over Christmas."

Shepard aped writing that down. "Anyone else have requests? Williams wants the typhoons, hurricanes, tsunamis, and avalanches." She winked at the chief. "Talk about greedy."

Nihlus walked around the divider. "Greedy?" He stepped up beside Ashley.

Shepard opened her mouth to fill the semi-awkward silence, but then Williams chuckled.

"We're divvying up the disasters," she replied. "Shepard and Garrus are going to let us in on the erupting volcanoes and building-destroying Reapers." She smiled and offered him her chair. "You have any preferences, sir?"

Shaking his head, Nihlus sat at the table. "First, that no one call me sir. When it comes to disasters … ." He ducked his head in a tiny shrug. "Been through just about everything, so as long as everyone comes through the other side, I'll take whatever is left over after you've all chosen."

Shepard watched the Spectre with the crew, liking the way he seemed to have settled in while she was buried on Feros.

"Well, put me down for something small," Alenko said, walking over. "Stopped up drain or maybe a tragic burnt toast episode." He grinned and flopped into the chair Garrus had vacated. "Maybe a loose hamster. I got pretty good at catching my little sister's."

Shepard clapped him on the shoulder then pushed up out of her chair. "I like a soldier who knows his strengths, Sparky, but you get no marks for ambition." She sighed and backed toward her cabin. "Ground teams for Eden Prime, you know who you are, meet at the airlock for a quick briefing at 0800. Get some sleep, people. Who knows what'll happen." Waving to answer their goodnight wishes, she turned and headed for her bed.

Shepard had just settled under her blankets with a datapad of messages that she needed to answer when her door opened. "What is this new hell?" she called, sounding more brittle and petulant than angry. "Now we don't even knock before walking into the captain's quarters?" She glared at Nihlus, throwing up mental armour and shields as he walked in. Back frozen and stiff, she sat up. "What's up, Kryik?"

He walked over to the end of her bed, stared at her for a moment, his face and body language both uncertain and unreadable. Then he folded down to sit next to the wall, facing her, as soft and relaxed as he'd been tight and controlled before. "Well, you could stop calling me that, and go back to Nihlus."

"Ummmm." Shepard turned to get up, but he reached out and laid a hand on her forearm.

"Relax, Shepard. I just came to talk, not … what did you call it? Double dog dare you into having sex with me." He bounced a little. "This really is a terrible bed." Meeting her stare, he shrugged. "Anyway, I have no idea what it means to double dog dare someone, but I've seen Earth dogs and truly have no desire to link that image with sex in my head."

Shepard chuckled despite herself, the corner of her mouth lifting as she shook her head at him. "Don't get too proud of yourself there. You can't joke your way out of the doghouse."

His mandibles dropped. "What is it with you and dogs?"

She punched his arm. "Stop. The doghouse is a small outbuilding made for the dog in the back yard. When someone is in the 'doghouse', it's because they've been kicked out of the human house for being an ass." She sighed and wrapped her arms around her knees. "So, why are you here, sitting on my bed to talk? It's not a very professional place to discuss things."

He crossed his legs. "Good, because this isn't a professional discussion."

She stared into his eyes, blinking slowly. The five days of being trapped in a couple cubic metres of space, witnessing the extinction of a planet's population, and nearly dying of a blood clot hadn't left her any defenses to deal with Nihlus' insanity. "I thought I made it clear that professional discussions were the only acceptable type."

He nodded and leaned forward, resting his forearms on his thighs. "You first came to my attention after Elysium. I heard about the attack, about how this single soldier on leave rallied together a force capable of repelling the pirates until the Alliance could respond. It started as mere curiosity about a successful military reversal." He shifted, pulling his knees up, just as defensive as she was.

"It wasn't all that impressive, Nihlus. I did what any soldier would do." Shepard struggled not to shudder, remembering those very long, ugly hours. No one ever considered the reality of leading that resistance with a handful of off duty Alliance and civilians. No one allowed themselves to register just what it might cost, just what might be lost. The shiny medal plastered it over, making it all sterile and heroic.

He shrugged. "I've been in similar enough situations to know how bad it can turn and how fast. My interest in the attack became an interest in the one who led the resistance. I admit my bias. I saw what looked to be no more than a poorly grown, female child and thought they'd made a mistake. Surely that couldn't be the great Shepard." He shrugged again, that oddly deferential head bob.

"I dug through your file, learning what I could of your career. I became fascinated, turning you into a riddle I needed to solve. When the council began rumbling about giving humanity another try at putting forward a Spectre, I threw your name in, offered to shadow you." He chuckled, but it came out bitter. "I'd built you into this warrior goddess amongst humans … no, just a warrior goddess."

Shepard shook her head. "Tall pedestal to fall from. It's a wonder I didn't shatter falling from that height." A small, sad but understanding smile just touched her lips as her gaze travelled along the sweeping, white lines of his famila notas. "Except that I did shatter, didn't I?"

He nodded. "I had this ridiculous idea of what would happen when we met, so the reality threw me. I knew you tested people and situations to their breaking points. It was one of the things that drew me to you. It showed a fearlessness I respected. Actually being tested by it … well, that was another matter." He reached out and took her hand, his thumb stroking her fingers in a decidedly unprofessional manner. "What you did with Harkin … . When you touched my talons, because of my ridiculous expectations, I thought a promise had been made, so what happened with Harkin hurt me."

Shepard frowned and leaned forward, crossing her legs. "What do you mean, a promise?"

"Turians don't touch one another as familiarly as humans do. Some sorts of touching, bare talons between unrelated male and female … ." He cleared his throat. "It means a willingness for a deeper relationship."

"Oh." The word came out as a small gasp of understanding. She stared at his bare hand holding hers for a second before she pulled her hand back. "I didn't know, Nihlus. I'm sorry, I wouldn't have pushed if I had." Frowning, she let out a rough sigh, then gave him a shove. "That's for not telling me and being an asshat because I didn't behave the way you thought I should. Come on, how the hell was I supposed to know something like that? I didn't even know why you wore gloves all the time."

He nodded. "I know, and I shouldn't have expected you to understand what you were asking."

"No shit." She leaned back against the bulkhead again, pulling her body back, away from him. "You understand that none of this excuses what you said to me, Nihlus." When he opened his mouth, she shut him down with a dagger sharp finger raised between them. "I get to talk now. You get to listen." Meeting his eyes, she let out a short, grumbling sigh. Such beautiful eyes. Damn it, why did liking someone have to be so damned illogical?

"I survived and escaped Mindoir because my father refused to stop inciting the other prisoners to riot. The batarians knew that shooting him wouldn't shut him down, just make him a martyr. They had to break him." Her shoulders trembled as a shuddering shrug passed through her.

"Easiest way to break a man, easiest way to break a community, use the honoured members to degrade the most vulnerable ones. They tortured me, but my father was strong. When that didn't work, the slavers threatened men I'd known nearly my whole life with the deaths of their own children if they didn't rape me. Dad never broke. So strong." She held up her hands, throwing up a wall to keep him at bay as he reached out to her.

"Don't. I don't need your sympathy or your pity, Nihlus. It was a long time ago, and in the end, it saved my life. I got out, an orphan with a head full of crazy, but I got out." A grudging sigh that felt like old tar rattled from her lungs. "When I got to Earth, I dulled the pain any way I could, mostly Hallex. A whole damned lot of Hallex." She cocked her head, lifting one corner of her lip in a sardonic smile. "It was an expensive means of killing the pain, but I stripped down stolen cars to support my habit."

Shepard sighed again, but this one cleaned away the rest, leaving her more naked than she'd thought she'd ever allow in his presence. Meeting his stare, she shrugged, puppet strings jerking her shoulders toward the ceiling then dropping them. "I've never had sex with anyone, Nihlus—never made love to anyone. I'm not sure I ever will, but I do know how to use the power of what God gave me in my work."

His brow plates lowered, his mandibles dropping further than she'd suspected they could go. "Shepard, I've never been more sorry for saying anything in my life."

She nodded, believing him. "I know. C-Sec was right after all: jealousy." She shrugged. "It doesn't matter. As flippantly as I handed it to you, I gave you a sharp weapon. As much as I was interested—I might have even taken your hand knowing what it meant—I gave you an opening to move closer, and you used it to stick that dagger straight into my heart." She frowned and met his eyes, thawing a little at the genuine sorrow moving behind that remarkable green.

"You hurt me." Waggling her head back and forth a little, she let a bitter chuckle slide between her lips, slick and fragile as cellophane. "I liked you far more than I should have. Guess I had a bit of hero worship going on after all. I accept your apology, Nihlus, but that doesn't mean I'll be able to trust you like that again." She bristled into angles and quills. "If you ever use what I just gave you to hurt me … . Well, I don't need to finish that sentence, do I?"

"We're partners, and you're right, we work well together." He took her hand again. "How about we work on being friends as well?"

Shepard looked down at her extra-pale, thin fingers cradled in his long, talons. "I've had a really bad few days, Nihlus, I don't know … ."

The Spectre leaned into her, his talons gently clasping her chin. "Shepard, stop talking for a minute." His mouth pressed against hers, his mandibles fluttering softly, then pressing tight against his face as a slight suction tugged at her lips.

Her heart thumped fast and light. She allowed the contact for a half second, then jerked away. "No. No. That's enough. Back up." Her hand balled into a fist, but she managed to stop herself from punching him again. "I thought turians didn't kiss," she whispered, throwing up a hasty wall.

"We don't, but humans do." He backed away and let out a short sigh. "I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. Everything I do seems to end up coming off in fluent ass." His mandibles flicked in a distressed manner. "It's just … I don't do this, Shepard. I work." A long, sigh made a soft keen deep in his throat. "Do I even have that any more?"

Shepard shook her head. "Nihlus … ."

He leaned in very slowly. "I'm sorry, Shepard. I know I've been an ass. I can't justify my behaviour, but I've wanted this for a long time." He lifted his talons to stroke her cheek and touched his brow to hers. "This is the turian equivalent. Better?"

"Well, less invasive, anyway." She pulled back and reached up to lay her hand alongside his cheek. "I'm sure you can understand why I might not be in the best head space for all of this. Let's just talk, all right?" When he nodded, she smiled, tight lipped but warm. "So, you've been out practicing kissing with humans and asari just in case you run across someone you can't control the urge to smooch?" The one side of her mouth quirked a little. "That could get you arrested."

He chuckled. "Not exactly." His head bobbed a little in a turian shrug, but he didn't pull away. "I've never been one for dalliances. There were plenty of opportunities—Spectres attract followers for some reason I've never figured out—but there was always work to be done." A long, rumbling sigh warned her that another uncomfortable confession was on its way. She held up a hand and opened her mouth, trying to forestall it, but he just kept going. "When I received my orders to board the Normandy, I went to the Consort on the Citadel. She owed me a favour, so she taught me."

Shepard pulled back, pushing him away. "Oh man, Kryik. Back up. Put on the brakes. I have no idea what to do with any of this." She drew her knees up to her chest. "You need to give me some space."

He withdrew to the end of the bed.

She stopped him from retreating completely by taking his hand. "We do work well together, Nihlus, and we can see about being friends, but no more just walking in and camping on my bed." Releasing him, she nodded. "We'll see if we can find some trust." Wriggling down into her blankets, she nodded toward the door. "But right now, I really am very tired and need to get some sleep."

He nodded, his entire demeanour softer than she ever remembered seeing him. "You've seen a hard few days. We would have lost you if it hadn't been for Vakarian."

"Yeah, Garrus is pretty remarkable." Shepard shrugged. "As is Dr. Chakwas. I can't imagine trying to talk someone through surgery over the radio. I'm only here because of them."

A frown marched across her brow as knuckles rapped on her door. "I swear, I might as well just throw a cot down in the CIC." She nodded to Nihlus as he stepped into the doorway, opening it. "See you at 0800. Eden Prime. Again."

His mandibles spread. "Maybe we'll manage to do a lot less yelling this time."

"Only if I don't have to chase your ass across the colony." She smiled. "Good night, Nihlus."

"No promises." His mandibles flicked, and he turned away, giving the person on the other side of the door a nod and pat on the shoulder before striding off.

Shepard grinned, her face feeling like her heart made it blossom when Garrus stepped into the doorway. "Hey there, hero." She'd never had a friend, not a real, true friend, but if Garrus was any indication of what it meant, Shepard gladly recommended having one or two

He let out an embarrassed rumble and nodded after Nihlus. "He wasn't being a jerk, was he?"

"Not at all. He came to make peace." She settled the rest of the way down into her blankets and reached out to thump the bed, inviting him over. Odd how even with the distance between them, Nihlus had just invited himself into her space, but Garrus remained respectful of it despite their familiarity. "How are you feeling? Recovered?"

He sat at the end. "Yep. Ate almost all of the ration bars, so we'll need to restock soon." He chuckled and reached out to pat her ankle. "I just came to see how you were doing."

"Fine until you got fresh with me. Hands off the ankles, mister." She laughed and nodded. "Come on, don't be shy. We're making a habit out of sleeping together."

He climbed up the bed and flopped on his side. "The bomb shelter was more comfortable than this bed."

"I know. The Alliance must be afraid their captains will become lazy layabouts if their bed doesn't get painful after about four hours." She closed her eyes and relaxed down into the warmth of her blankets. "How's Shiala fitting in? She and Liara getting along all right?"

"Peas in an archeological pod, to bastardize one of your sayings. They're talking so fast that no one else can understand any of it. I think they might actually explode when we take them to the dig site tomorrow." His chuckle warmed her, his touch as he brushed her hair from her brow eased her toward sleep.

"There's an unexpected side effect of scholarly zeal. Prothean expert chunks everywhere." Shepard's chuckle tumbled out slow and sleepy. "Thank you for saving me, C-Sec. You're one smart cookie."

"Cookie? What happened to rakishly good-looking?"

She laughed, her eyes fluttering open for a half second. "That's your delusion, not mine."

He patted her shoulder. "Go to sleep, Shepard. I'll see you in the morning."

She nodded, already drifting off. The mattress shifted under him as he left. "Goodnight, Garrus."