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It was harder. I was closer.
Terra was so small. Moon next to it was almost the same size.
I found this tiny planet on the maps of First Order as well as Empire. It was listed under "Unsorted". A planet without priority which basically meant that it didn't have anything that would have been worth anything.
The atmosphere was thick so I knew I may have a bumpy enter, but it wasn't the reason, why I hang above it.
It was harder.
Night episodes became longer. I was getting sick, getting closer to Terra. Hot flushes were making everything intolerable: thinking, eating and even breathing. I was catching air with an open mouth, with my head on the control panel, with my thoughts messed up in a painful cluster of emotions.
I saw him a lot…
Torturing me…
Killing Han…
Hurting Finn…
Almost destroying Resistance…
So much pain, so much tears…
And then…
Being afraid of Luke, Snoke, Darth Vader, himself…
Suffering from expectations, regrets, hopes, desires…
Offering and being rejected…over and over again…
Over and over again looking me in the eyes and asking to join him…
Touching my fingertips…
I remembered it too well. How lost I was, how disappointed I was and how hopeful I was. How much I wanted him to join me… Now I know that I wanted it for selfish reasons, more selfish than anything else.
I squeezed a steering wheel, tensed shoulders, feeling that this cramp will go away, any moment now…
I was idealistic, but I wanted him more than I thought, more than it was allowed, more than he wanted me…
I raised my head, feeling the sweat on my forehead.
Get it over with, just get it over with…
I let the ship AI to set up a route to my final destination.
Breathe, Rey, just breathe…
My chest was an agonizing red-hot stone…
I was desperate for some oxygen, for some relief…
The ship was slightly unstable, but I felt like it was shacking as an epileptic person…
I closed my eyes. AI said that it found a place to land.
I was thanking Force…
The landing was not difficult, the cabin door opened easily.
Fresh air made breathing more bearable. I heard distant voices, but my instincts were quite. No danger…
I leaned onto the ship looking down. I didn't see anything hoping that my knees would stop trembling.
"Why the hell is it so hard to breathe?" I complained out aloud.
"Rey?"
This voice was nothing new to me. I hadn't heard it for so long, but it sounded as if I never stopped hearing it.
I raised my eyes.
He was close…
… and I finally could breathe…
The fabric was covering the ship perfectly as if it was designed for it. This strange man with familiar voice knew what he was doing. He laid the linen on the blue ground and stepped aside. I hold my breath. Force cycled through his fingers and got the fabric into the air. It looked like a giant guitarfish that embraced my ship. It was so colorful and at the same time didn't have any color at all.
He smoothed it over the ship and fastened it to the ground. Carefully, systematically he fixed it over the ship and then turned to me, sitting on the ground.
His mind slightly touched mine, not entering, just curious. Just like he did when we talked, but only now there was no place where I can hide. There were three meters between us, but I could swear I could taste the salt of his skin on the tip of my tongue. He pressed a hand to his temple just where my head hurt the most.
Uncomfortable… it was definitely uncomfortable. Uncomfortably dazzling…
This unknown man was familiar. Long dark hair still slightly sticks around the temples. The human eye still got that sadness in it. He was still incredibly tall and broad shouldered.
I wondered if I looked familiar to him.
He didn't say anything just slightly pointed to something behind my back and started walking.
We walked in silence. And it was good. I kept at least five meters distance between us ,but still felt the roughness of the knuckles of his hands. I felt his thumb touching the palm of my left hand.
Unbearable…
I didn't notice anything around me. My whole being was focused only on one mission: to stop feeling him around me.
The walls of the building, we've finally entered, had a soft green color, like early blossom on some planets. I pressed my hand to the walls when we took the stairs just to feel some coldness. Walls were warm unfortunately.
He stopped next to the opened door and stepped aside. I hold my breath passing by him and quickly stepped in the middle of the room to make more distance between us.
I turned to him. He was still at the threshold. He seemed to relax a bit and even showed me a glimpse of a smile that intrigued me so much when we spoke.
"Good night, Rey. I think we can talk tomorrow when…it gets a bit easier."
I didn't say anything, but nodded. He gestured to the something that looked like food on the table and closed the door behind him.
The moment he left I exhaled with relief. He probably heard it, but I didn't care.
I let myself crumble to the niche in the center of the room that was soft enough. Something like a blanket covered me over and I welcomed oblivion.