My lightsaber was hanging next to his throat. No trembling, I did it million times.
"Just push it, Rey," I persuaded myself.

"You are the monster," I hissed pressing his lightsaber to the floor, hearing how it creaks under my foot.

"I am."

Terra' singers paid no attention to us. Their brother turned into millions of stones as soon as Kylo was done with him. They were gathering agonizingly beautiful these stones, but they were stones nevertheless.

"All the same. You haven't changed who you are inside. You just took under control your emotions. That's it. You are Kylo Ren."

"I am… an executioner, unwillingly chosen, but I am not Kylo Ren."

"Oh, yes, you are! I just witnessed it. You killed this poor thing like you killed your father, Snoke…hundreds of others!"

"If you are so sure about it, what are you waiting for, Rey?"

"You will be trialed for your deeds!"

"And make taxpayers pay for my transportation, salaries of the judges, my jail time? You can cut it short. You have authority. You said it yourself."

"Just shut up, Kylo. You are the last person to tell me what to do."

"You are right. Let me suggest one more thing… Would you like to see the truth in my mind? I won't struggle a bit. You can dive right in."

"Don't tempt it," I smirked, "I will make sure that it will be painful."

"Please, do…" he stretched his hands to me. "Handcuffs?"

I slightly moved a lightsaber from his face, threw a pair from my belt and he put them on.

"On your knees," I ordered coldly.

He obeyed. I took a step back making sure he doesn't jump on me using his physical advantage. I lowered my lightsaber, but still keep it in my hand. I may need it really soon.

I looked at Kylo.

How soft lights were glimmering over his skin, how blinked his artificial eye.

I felt his mind, not as a usual swamp of feelings, but more like a pond. He wasn't struggling like he usually did, but I still felt disgusted touching it and I made sure he felt it.

My own mind was wrapped into a mental armor. There would be no exchange, just extracting data from him, violently if needed.

I looked into him, diving into the pool that was him.

And… I lost it.

The next thing that I was consciously doing was puking outside the house. My body was shivering, shaking. Vomiting was probably the best option in the circumstances.

"I am sorry," I heard behind me.

"I haven't allowed you to stand up," I said with an effort.

"Should I go back in?"

"No.. just stand here. We will… go in a minute."

"Where?"

"It shouldn't concern you. Shut up."

Honestly, I didn't know where myself.

I felt repelled and I felt… miserable. Depression was a rather kind word to emotions that I was shaking off of me.

It was nasty. His calmness was just a facade, but in a way, it was even more than that. It was self-preservation. It was his way to survive. It was his way to cope.

I felt miserable because he was… miserable.

And he regretted it… So much, he regretted everything he once called Kylo Ren. He acknowledged him, but he despised him anyway.

Because there was blood….

Names, faces, or just count… body count, that he relived in his mind, that he let me relive.

I felt sick again, cold sweat on my forehead didn't make me feel better.

So what can I do with him? What can trial do to him? What can any jail do to him? What can capital punishment do to him? He is in his personal hell. He is in jail, without guards, without parole, without any opportunity to leave his cell.

I couldn't make him feel worse. I can torture him probably, make him beg to kill him by cutting his fingers and he would welcome this. Simply because it would take his mind out of the pain that he feels.'

So what can I do TO him that will be greater suffering?

For now, all I could do is … lie.

"You are my prisoner, Kylo Ren. And you will bear the punishment for your actions. I will contact Resistance to schedule your trial. For now, you will be under home arrest."

He nodded and didn't say a thing. I continued in a monotonous law voice:

"But…I will need to justify that your role in the death of Terra's creature is…not criminal. Their customs though not written include this… step as a final step in the rebirth of their species. At least I can stand to it during your …interrogation. This will need to be confirmed on trial though."

"I don't enjoy it, Rey. It is just … more merciful than what they usually did and I owe them any service they need from me."

"The court will determine that. You don't need to prove anything to me anymore."

"But I do…"

I looked at him. He meant it. How I hated to know that he meant it.

"I owe you too and will never be able to pay that debt, so if you want me to go to the court and say whatever you want me to say, let it be."

"Let's go to the house. Your home arrest starts immediately."

I pushed him forward and staggered behind him. I felt dizzy. Dehydration was hitting me hard and Second Son was only getting into its power.

I hated rocks, they were floating under my feet, they were trying to make me stumble and fall.

I heard my own hard breathing so I focused on the back of my prisoner walking in from of me.

That was a mistake.

I stumbled, I would have caught myself, but these rocks, they were like a river.

I couldn't find a balance so I fell… hard, with my back on the rocks.

I felt excruciating pain before my vision darkened and my hearing caught someone calling my name.