Holmes Challenge - Antique

Moresome - Going shopping

Writing Club -

Character appreciation - (word) victory

Shannon's Showcase - (word) believe / Item: violin

Showtime - Object - Drum

Writing Club - Object: Vase, Word: chime

Emy's Emporium - (object) fiddle

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry - Assignment 11 - Arts and Crafts task 1 - Task 1: Write about a magical portrait/painting.

Better Than Porn

It turns out that portrait versions of the three marauders were just as into each other as Remus, Sirius and James were.

Sirius and James wandered around the antique shop together, glancing through the various old objects. They ignored the chime of the bell over the door every time it was opened, and watched the shelves hoping something would stand out for Remus.

"How about an instrument?" Sirius suggested, happening upon a stand with various objects. He reached for a drum but James slapped his hand away.

"That's a piece of crap," James hissed. "Not everything here is an antique."

Sirius picked up the small drum anyway. "It's not crap. House-elves used to use these for entertainment purposes. Before the wizarding radio was a thing, house-elves were taught to play instruments. Some still are. Kreacher has learned to play six instruments."

He put the small drum down. "Now, growing up, I was more fond of when Kreacher would play the fiddle. It was more lively and though mother made us learn to dance, it always made me feel happy. I even liked Kreacher when he was ordered to play the fiddle for us."

He didn't reach for the fiddle, merely staring at it for a long moment. "Though perhaps not," he added, as an afterthought. "I would hate the reminders of my family. Plus, Remus wouldn't play the fiddle. It's not very fitting."

"Are you sure instruments are the way to go?" James asked doubtfully as he reached for a violin. "He has pretty long fingers and that's good for violin players, right?"

"Of course not," Sirius scoffed. "Violins are so depressing. I'm sure Remus can make them sound beautiful, but my mother liked the violin and I'd rather not have to avada myself. Maybe no instruments?"

James nodded, relieved, moving towards another shelf. "This vase has all those historical pictures. Remus likes history. What do you think?"

"I think he'll see it as impractical. You know Remus doesn't like owning lots of decorative things. He likes everything kept simple. So it has to be something really special," Sirius insisted.

James found some portraits and began to search through them, but Sirius grabbed his arm and looked at him in excitement. "A portrait is the best idea, but… but what if we could give him one of ourselves?"

"What do you mean?" James asked, halting briefly.

"You know that picture that we took last year… well, we go and get our portrait painted of you, me and Remus. That way he's not lonely when we're at work. He can still talk to us."

"Awesome. But you know what'll be better?" James suggested.

"What?"

"I'll tell you on the way to the portrait parlour!"

...oOo...

Remus could tell from the shape of the package that the main present was a picture of some kind. The last thing he had expected was a portrait of him, Sirius and James. The background was the Gryffindor dorms which made him smile and the three men were a perfect likeness.

"It'll take some time for them to find their voices," James said. "They need to observe us and it helps them get to know us and how we act and talk and stuff. So far they've been stored away with a stasis charm."

"Why a stasis charm?" Remus asked, glancing away from the picture.

"Oh. Because the portrait guy needed to do that. He said that they might learn from other people by mistake. It's a very small possibility but it's happened where something has slipped through."

"But how would each person know which of us to… to learn from?" Remus reached up, tracing one of the bedposts. The paint was rough under his fingers.

"I asked that!" Sirius insisted. "The guy wanted a hair from each of us. He mixed it into the base paint he used for each person, before painting over with things like features and clothes."

"I brought the cardigan that we wanted included in the picture," James said, pointing to the pale grey cardigan that portrait-Remus was wearing.

Remus smiled. "You clearly put a lot of thought into this. I love it."

The pair high-fived from behind Remus. "Let's hang this over the sofa. I'm sure it'll have more surprises," James added.

Remus turned, his arms crossing. "What surprises?" He glanced between them and sighed. "I have a feeling you're going to make me find out for myself."

"And this is why I love you," James said, stepping forward. "Because you know me so well!"

"And here I thought it was because I rock your world in bed," Remus deadpanned.

James grinned. "That too."

"We also got you this." Sirius thrust a smaller package at Remus. "We were worried that you wouldn't like the portrait."

Remus smiled. "You're spoiling me," he said, ripping into the paper. "Books and chocolates."

"Yeah. Well, we can't go wrong with books and chocolate," Sirius pointed out, as Remus' fingers eagerly opening one of the bars.

"So… a wonderful dinner, a good movie and now generous presents. How do I thank you both?"

James hopped down from the sofa, stepping back and checking the portrait had been hung straight. "Well, our plans to spoil you on your birthday don't stop here," he said, leering at Remus. "Sirius, get him naked."

"I thought you'd never ask," Sirius said, smirking as he began to undo the buttons on Remus' cardigan.

...oOo...

Remus stretched out, his back clicking painfully. He winced before standing to get a drink.

It had been hard to untangle himself from both James and Sirius who were clinging to him, but he couldn't help but smile. His gaze drifted to the portrait, but as his eyes fixed on the figures in the dark, he noticed things had changed.

He quickly reached for his wand from the coffee-table, casting a charm to light up the room. Sirius let out a loud and pitiful whine as he turned away from the light.

"Are they… naked?" Remus asked, stepping closer to the portrait.

"Course they are," James said, watching Remus. "We told you there was more."

"Ah. So… is it a daily thing, or they get naked when we do?"

"An evening thing," James pointed out. "So we'll have to use a stasis charm if we have company."

"Any other surprises? Do…" he trailed off as the portrait stopped paying attention to him and turned to each other instead. "Oh. You bought me porn."

"What?" Sirius was on his feet in seconds. "Did someone buy you porn?"

Remus gestured to the portrait. "Clearly they've done enough observing," he said, as the portrait versions of themselves shed their clothes on the floor and fumbled their way to the bed. The three Marauders stared, open-mouthed at the portrait for a long time.

"Better than any porn," James said. "Look at me go. I've got skills."

"Portrait-Remus is as kinky as our Remus," Sirius insisted.

Remus laughed.

"They think they're better than us," Sirius added, eyeing the portrait. "We need to show them who is boss. We need to gain this victory. James, get naked."

"I'm still naked," James pointed out.

"I believe they're not thinking anything," Remus tried, but Sirius turned around, giving him a heated look. "Oh. Yes, they're… we should… bed this time, or…"

"Sofa," Sirius murmured, grabbing Remus and pulling him close. "Having a good birthday, love?"

"The best," Remus insisted as James moved to stand behind him, his lips on Remus' throat. "Can't wait to see how you top this next year."

"Well, we look so good like this," Sirius said, gesturing to the portrait. "Perhaps we should make a real video?"

1255 words

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