The entire ship seemed to take a deep, ragged breath that froze in their lungs as the rachni queen followed Legion up the ramp. Shepard exhaled, a slow hiss of air, and chuckled to herself as she wondered what colour the queen would use to describe the atmosphere on the Normandy at that moment. Mustard yellow most likely. Disguising her grin behind her hand, Shepard focused on the queen. She didn't have the foggiest clue how a giant bug managed to look stately and dignified, but the queen pulled it off. The rachni transformed the hush in the cargo bay from terror to awe in the space of a couple heartbeats.
Kaidan, Ash, Jenkins, and three Marines closed in on the center aisle, rifles and shotgun in their hands, but held low. Shepard almost told them that the guns wouldn't prove necessary, but decided against it. Better they make that determination themselves since the queen would be living down here with all of them for a few days.
"Shepard-Captain." Legion drew her attention away from the strange and terrifying, yet oddly beautiful form of the rachni. The geth held out the OSD that she'd given him for safe keeping.
"Welcome back, Legion. You did some excellent work out there today, thank you." She took the disk and shoved it into a pocket for later. "Go thaw out and do . . . um, well, whatever it is that you do to rest and recharge. We'll be needing you in the morning."
He nodded, his head flaps fluttering. "Understood, Shepard-Captain." He headed for the elevator, moving aside to allow Dr. Chakwas, Shiala, and Liara to disembark before he stepped over the threshold.
Shepard gave Liara a bracing, empathetic smile before turning to Shiala. Crooking a finger, she beckoned for Shiala to join her. "The queen communicates telepathically. Benezia said she was able to get information from her mind. Could you try to see if you can act as her voice? She spoke through Benezia before, but I'd rather she didn't."
Shiala hesitated for a moment before she nodded. "Of course." Casting a sad, affectionate glance at her friend, the asari let out a musical little sound of grief. "I don't think Liara would deal very well if her mother started talking. Benezia's death is hitting her hard. She's blaming herself for their estrangement."
A short dagger of memory slit through Shepard's guts. She knew about grieving for a mother and regretting the note upon which things had ended. "Yeah, I get that. The last thing I said to my mother was 'I hate you. I can't wait to move away from here'." Shepard pushed away the memory of the hurt in her mother's eyes. The fight had been over something so stupid . . ..
Not the time, Janey. Focus.
Shepard shook off the melancholy, "Come on, Sister Shiala. Let's go chat with a rachni queen and pray this works." Frowning, she looked around. "Where did Wrex get to?" She discovered him lurking in his corner. His posture screamed 'ready to charge' and the blue nebula of his biotics sparked around his hands as he toyed restlessly with his shotgun. His eyes narrowed as he stared at Shepard, the warning there clear as day.
"Hey, Wrex, come on." Shepard gave him a surreptitious flick of her hand, waving for him to join them as they walked over to meet the rachni. The queen stopped at the top of the ramp, her frilled, opalescent head moving in a way that Shepard could only call anxious. The downside of telepathy . . . being able to sense everyone's fear and distrust.
"Welcome aboard." Shepard stopped a couple of meters back. "I'm sorry, but I didn't think to ask back on Peak 15 if you had a name."
Shiala stood just behind Shepard's arm. The captain understood the reflex. After everything the young asari had been through, her desire for a shield made complete sense. Shiala closed her eyes, her brow furrowing. "Her name is . . .." When she reopened her eyes, Shepard's heart lurched hard to port at the endless black of her stare. It never stopped being freaky. "It's impossible to translate . . . just a handful of musical notes." After a short pause, she smiled. "It reminds me of a song my mother used to sing to me, Amalair Deseau: The Beautiful Wind."
Shiala closed her eyes, her head tilting slightly to one side. Shepard moved to intervene but stopped as she saw Shiala's lips sculpt into a wistful sort of smile. "She likes Amalair, and she thanks you for her freedom and your trust."
"Beautiful?" Wrex harrumphed. "Not sure a giant insect needs a name." He stepped up to stare into the queen's eyes. "Your kind killed millions of my people during the war. You twitch the wrong way, your insides will be your outsides before you see me coming. Clear?"
The rachni queen made a musical sound that threw Shepard backwards in time and filled her with warmth. Sometimes, in the spring, the wind rolled over the hills on the farm, playing the wire fence like a massive string instrument. She'd lay out under the trees, eyes closed, breathing in the spice of newly budding leaves and the bright, honey-sweet scent of the flowers, and listen to its eerie music.
Shepard dragged herself out of her memories for what felt like the thousandth time. At least the queen's voice provoked a more pleasant memory. Forcing herself to focus, Shepard started to admonish Wrex, but then the queen made another soft trill of music.
"And your kind drove ours into extinction, extinguishing one song after another until the Singing Planet and our colonies wept bitter, silent tears," Shiala said, stepping forward as if to protect the queen. Shepard hoped it was voluntary, not some sort of mind control. The ship had enough of that going on. "We do not know why our people turned from beauty to violence, their song soured." The queen's large, frilled head dipped and swayed a little as if everything were a dance.
"So," Shepard said, stepping between them, "you killed them, and they killed you. Such as is the case with war. If no one ever takes the first steps toward trust and healing, war never ends." She closed on Wrex, countering his narrow, red-eyed glare with an encouraging smile and a hand on his shoulder. "Is never-ending war what you want for the krogan, Wrex?"
He rumbled with what could have been a growl or a sigh. "You know it isn't." He jerked his head to his right, backing her off. Shepard stepped aside, trusting Wrex to keep his word. Jutting out his chin a little, the krogan battle-master hung up his shotgun. "I've given Shepard my word that I'll watch over the rachni and help them rebuild. I'll keep my word as long as the rachni keep theirs. Step out of line and I'll send you back into extinction."
The air danced with the queen's music and whispers for another moment, then Shiala said, "The rachni will keep their oaths to Shepard as well. They will build in peace and help defeat the black anathema to come. Do not allow doubt to weaken your song, Urdnot Wrex. The rachni have also been shaped into weapons, our strings plucked by those who counted our blood less dear than their own. We will give only the reapers and their masters cause to compose laments laden with fear."
A puzzled scowl wrinkled Shepard's forehead and drew her brows in tight above her nose. "Someone used the rachni as weapons? You mean during the war?"
"And before. It is the saddest of ironies to be a species who wishes only to sing in peace and yet possesses a talent and skill for war." A sigh like fingertips brushed over harp strings followed the queen's words.
Wrex grunted, turned a rueful eye to Shepard and then, with a wave of his hand that labelled them all mad, stalked back to his corner of the cargo bay amidst the crates of his ancestors' treasures.
Shepard caught sight of Liara and Dr. Chakwas standing a few meters back. "Amalair, thank you for bringing the matriarch's body out of that nightmare. We can take her now." She waved for the doctor to approach. "Sparky, Jenkins, could you give the good doctor a hand, please?"
The Marines stepped up, doing an impressive job of hiding any nervousness as they lifted Benezia's body from the rachni's arms and laid it on the gurney.
"Here, Doc," Jenkins said, "I'll give you a hand taking the matriarch up to med bay."
Shepard smiled and gave the young man's shoulder a grateful squeeze as he pushed the stretcher past her.
Liara walked up to the rachni queen, her hands fidgeting a little, but she held herself straight and strong despite her obvious nerves. "Thank you for carrying my mother's body out of that place. It means a great deal to me." After a moment's hesitation, she lifted a hand to touch the frill behind the queen's head. Her eyes closed, and she took a step closer, her lips relaxing into a smile even as tears crept from the corners of her eyes.
"Liara?" Shepard whispered, "you okay?" Walking over, she pressed a comforting hand to the young asari's back. Ribbons of colour, tranquil and healing, earnest and yearning, flowed through Shepard's hand. Seeming joyful to find new ground to colour, the currents of vivid emotion swept through her body. They twined and curled around each organ, slipped between strands of muscle, and swept through her mind—a cool breeze under a shady tree in August. Shepard allowed the beauty and comfort to fill her for nearly a minute, long enough that she heard people moving in to intercede.
"Thank you," she whispered, pulling back, a flower closing itself off from the sun. She waved her people back with a couple of flips of her hand. Any concern she'd harboured over the queen being aboard faded, replaced by the certainty that she posed no danger to anyone, at least anyone on the Normandy.
"Shiala," Shepard said, looking back to the asari, "I know you'll want to get up to support Liara, but could you help the queen get settled? Whatever she needs is fine. Just send me a report when you're finished." Hiding a yawn behind her hand, Shepard felt the long day and its many highs and lows creeping up on her. If she moved quickly, she might get some food into her before she passed out.
"Go ahead, Captain," Shiala replied. "I look forward to getting to know the queen better. Her mind is so beautifully peaceful. I'll send my report when I'm done." Her fingertips brushed Shepard's forearm, giving her the slightest push. "We'll be fine."
Shepard looked to Kaidan and Ashley. They'd put their guns away and watched the proceedings with faintly bemused expressions. "Keep an eye on for a couple of hours?"
"Aye aye, ma'am," Ashley replied. The chief raised an eyebrow. "What happened when you touched Dr. T'Soni? It looked like you wandered off on us."
"I sort of did. I think I was feeling the queen's thoughts or emotions as she comforted Liara. It felt amazing . . . beautiful and peaceful." She grinned and gave the chief a wink. "If I hadn't been afraid that you were all about to open fire on her, I'd still be standing there, soaking it in."
"It was a little freaky, ma'am." Ashley shifted her weight a little, biting the inside of her lip. "I . . . uh . . . well, you seem okay."
"I am. Don't worry." Shepard followed Ash's gaze as the chief looked over at the queen.
Liara still stood with her hand pressed to the rachni's frill, eyes closed. After a few seconds, she pulled away from the rachni, tears falling, but an expression of peace on her face. "Thank you," she whispered then turned and started toward the elevator.
"Liara?" Shepard called, keeping her voice low. "Are you all right?"
The asari stopped and smiled. "I'm fine, Captain. She showed me my mother's last thoughts about me." Liara swiped at her cheeks. "Knowing that Benezia respected my choices and loved me . . .. I'm fine." A wistful expression crossed her face. "I'd better head up."
Shepard watched the asari walk into the elevator, envying her a little for that glimpse into her mother's heart. When the door closed, she spied Nihlus standing back by the right hand ramp to engineering, just looking on. She strode over to him. "Why did you stay back? Are you feeling all right?" She touched his cheek. It felt clammy and cool.
He pulled away from her hand. "I'm fine. I didn't want to overwhelm the queen with too many people pressing in on her."
"Go on up to med bay and check in with Dr. Chakwas." She scanned him with a critical eye, seeing how he favoured his right side despite his tough guy posture. "You shouldn't have even been on your feet today. Who knows what damage you've done to yourself."
Nihlus stiffened, his mandibles jutting out, defiant despite the fact his knees visibly trembled. His armour held him up, the paper wrapper around a broken crayon, but he tipped precariously on the edge of collapse. "You're very stubborn for someone your size," he grumbled.
Instead of arguing with him, Shepard nodded. "I always loved horses. My parents bought me a Shetland pony when I was six. Tiny thing. Just ridiculously stubborn. My dad said it was because ponies were smart, they questioned your right to command." She grinned. "I learned a lot from that pony." Taking his hand, she led him to the elevator. "Come on, if you go without a fight, I'll tuck you in and read you a bedtime story."
His warm chuckle surprised her. "As long as they aren't like my mother's stories. When she was done terrifying my much younger self with bloody dismemberments, exploding heads, and glorious battlefields covered in varren tearing apart rotting corpses, sleep was the last thing I wanted to do."
Just before the elevator door closed, Ashley ran in. "Ah, ma'am . . .. Permission to speak freely?"
"Of course, Chief. What's up?" Shepard leaned back against the rear wall of the insanely slow box.
"It's just . . . it really looked like the rachni queen put the whammy on you. I'm just a little worried that she might be trying to influence you . . . influence us all into trusting her when we should be keeping an eye on her." Ash shuffled a little and crossed her arms.
Nihlus nodded. "She's broadcasting vocalizations to make herself seem less threatening. It's not all that different from the way turian subvocals carry the emotion and subtext of what we're saying."
Shepard frowned. "I did worry that she influenced Shiala to step between her and Wrex. Did you pick anything up that made you concerned?" She looked to both of them for an answer.
"Nothing here," Nihlus replied. His head bobbed in a slight shrug. "She knows her people's history with the races. Add to that she was hatched by people who held her prisoner, experimented on her, and drove her offspring mad in attempt to enslave them. If I were in her position, I'd be trying to keep the atmosphere calm and let the people who rescued me know I meant no harm."
Shepard nodded. "Yeah, I felt nothing but peace, but by all means, Ash . . . keep an eye on. If you see or feel anything that sets off an alarm, let me know right away. She's an unknown." She squeezed Ashley's shoulder. "Thanks for coming to me with this."
"Yes, ma'am." The chief remained in the elevator when the door opened, letting Shepard and Nihlus out on the crew deck.
Shepard accompanied him to a very busy med bay, the activity centred around Benezia, who lay on the far bed, covered by a sheet. That didn't really make for a comfortable sleeping environment. "Dr. Chakwas, my friend here could use a quick check up. He overtaxed himself today."
The doctor excused herself from a vid call and strode over, her omnitool active and scanning even before she reached them. "Spectre Kryik, what were you told as a condition of your leaving med bay today?"
Nihlus answered with an exaggerated scowl and an incoherent grumble.
The doctor let out a comical, long-suffering sigh. "Sit up on the bed. I'll treat you, then you will eat at least a thousand calories before returning to your closet for no fewer than seven hours of sleep. If you do not comply with these instructions, I promise things will go badly for you." She glowered at him long enough to prompt a petulant mutter of agreement. Victorious, Chakwas turned to Shepard. "How about you? Headache and flashbacks holding off?"
"Yes, ma'am, you mix a mighty fine cocktail." Shepard steadied Nihlus as he sat on the bed. "All right, I am off to bed people." Jabbing a finger at Nihlus, she fixed him with an exaggerated steely stare. "And you, Brother Kryik, shall feel the mighty wrath of the Enkindlers in all its fearsome glory if you don't head straight from here to bed."
"Yes, ma'am." A soft chuckle followed her to the door. "Hey, what about my story?"
Shepard laughed and shook her head. "I'll owe you."
The simple yet glorious relief of arriving at the end of a long day slipped over her as she exited med bay. She wrapped it tight around herself as she crossed the galley, eager for the quiet and solitude of her quarters. "This has been one seriously messed up day." She glanced at the ceiling in the default 'higher power must reside above you' pose. "I understand the whole 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' concept, but you know, sometimes lessons that don't involve horror and violence are nice too. Glory hallelujah." Blowing a raspberry at the universe, she palmed the door to the captain's quarters. "Stupid universe."
"Stupid universe?"
Shepard grinned at Garrus, the rich timbre of his voice warming her through. "Yep, stupid universe." She walked over to where he sat at the table, typing on a datapad. "Whatcha doin'?" Her grin widened as she saw the covered food trays awaiting her arrival.
"Just doing a little research to see if those black orbs have been seen before. So far, no luck." He looked up from his work, his gaze warm and welcoming. He set down the datapad and held out a hand. The gesture sent relief, affection, guilt, and fear all pouring into her inner coliseum, emotional gladiators ready to fight it out.
"Been waiting long?" she asked, taking his hand. When he pulled her in against his side, she ran the backs of her fingers along his fringe then slipped her arm around his neck. He'd changed out of his armour into the long robe which softened out his angles a touch. His warmth soaked into her, a little like the sensation of the rachni queen's thoughts, but strong and vital.
"No, not long. Maybe ten minutes. How did the introductions go?" He tilted his head back a little to look up at her, his intense, interrogator stare softened by concern and affection.
She rested her brow against his fringe and closed her eyes. "Really well. Shiala and Liara came down to meet Benezia's body, and although they can't read the queen's mind per se, they were able to get the idea behind what she was trying to communicate." She pulled away and sat in the closest chair. "I touched her thoughts for a moment . . . or more appropriately, her thoughts touched mine and they were so beautiful, like . . . quicksilver ribbons of colour and emotion and intent." She shrugged, unable to put the experience into words. Blushing a little, she chuckled. "Anyway, it was pretty incredible."
"They've just been lining up to get into your head today." He pushed her tray over in front of her. "Just be careful, Shepard. It sounds like it was a positive experience, but . . .." A small shrug punctuated his worry.
"I will be. Nihlus said she's broadcasting a subvocal to make herself seem less threatening, but after what she's been through, I can hardly blame her for trying to influence us to accept her. Ash, Kaidan, and Wrex are keeping an eye on her." Shepard lifted the lid, a burst of steam rolling up, carrying with it the scent of spaghetti. She moaned, low and throaty, and reached out to squeeze his hand. "Okay, you're a keeper. This looks amazing. Thanks C-Sec."
"You're welcome." He dug into a big slab of meat covered in small brownish things that looked a little like burnt eggs.
Twirling noodles onto her fork, she examined what Garrus had said about aliens lining up to fuck with her head. She couldn't take a chance that the queen might be trying to hide a dark agenda, but how to know if she was being influenced? She'd be the last one to know.
"I'll keep checking in with Dr. Chakwas," she said, knowing even though it came out of the blue, he'd be worrying on it too. "And you can keep an eye on me. If I start acting too trusting etc. jump on it." She laid her hand over his. "I don't take this stuff lightly, C-Sec, but in the end, I just have to keep going, you know?"
He nodded and cleared his throat. "So, tomorrow is Wrex's last stop, then we're moving on to Illium. Virmire after that?"
Shepard nodded. "Yeah. I want to get some aerial drone footage of Saren's compound on Virmire before we move against it." She pulled the OSD Benezia had given her from her pocket and placed it on the table. "Hopefully this has information on it that will help. Virmire's jungle, rocky shorelines, and deep coastal waters favour the defender. The more intel and the tighter our plan of attack, the better."
A couple of mouthfuls later, Shepard's omnitool beeped with an incoming message. She set down her fork and opened her mail. The message was text only and from Aria T'Loak. "Hm. That's weird." After clicking on the message, she stared at it for a good thirty seconds just trying to decide if it was a hallucination.
"What?" Garrus raised a brow plate. "Is it top secret?"
Laughing, Shepard shook her head. "No, not top secret, just confusing. All the message says is 'Debt repaid.'" She met his eyes and nodded. "But that's not the truly puzzling part. Attached are the deeds to four buildings in Kima District on Omega, including the one we tracked Tali to . . . at least I think it is. I'm not all that familiar with property title legalese on Omega."
Garrus stabbed at his steak for a few seconds. "How . . . why would she even think of giving you those buildings unless . . .?"
Nodding, Shepard scowled, puzzlement turning to something a lot darker. "Unless she heard us talking that night." Shaking off the dread, she closed the message and picked up her fork. "I don't want to have to figure Aria out tonight. I have other, more pressing, things to worry about." She took a bite, her eyes watching him the whole time. When she swallowed, her lips quirked in a crooked smile. "So, when you agreed to keep an eye on me . . .?"
He rolled his eyes and shook his head, but the flick of his mandibles gave him away. "Your cabin has enough room for me to bunk on a cot." Bobbing his head in a disinterested shrug, he focused back on his dinner.
Shepard chuckled. "That's true. Of course we have managed to sleep in the same bed before without ravishing one another. It might be safe enough." She made a show of coiling a perfect roll of spaghetti noodles around her fork, taking time to stick all the ends in and make it neat before she put it in her mouth. Chewing slowly, she dragged the moment out, grinning wider and wider on the inside as Garrus let the loaded silence go unbroken as well. She swallowed, took a drink, then shrugged. "So long as you realize you have zero chance of scoring."
A strangled sound was followed by choking. Garrus pounded a fist against the side of his chest and looked up, eyes narrow. After sputtering a couple more times, he pushed his tray away. "Someone certainly thinks herself irresistible."
Leaving the last scraps of her meal, she covered the tray. Her shoulders popped in a joking shrug as she chuckled. "It's a simple fact of biology, C-Sec. I have yet to meet someone I couldn't turn into silly putty with my wiles." As quickly as she said the words, all the humour drained away, blood leaching from a clenched fist. She frowned, a sick sort of hollow pit forming in her gut that made her dinner churn. It didn't mean anything. Being able to rub herself all over Harkin to ply him for information meant nothing. She'd turned her body into a weapon with one hell of a recoil.
"Garrus."
The name dragged her attention back from her pity party. "What?"
"My name is Garrus. C-Sec is fine for when we're out there, but when we're alone . . ." He shrugged, a sincere one that time.
Shepard reached out to take his hand. "Okay, Garrus it is." She squeezed his talons. "I'm a mess, Garrus. You know that. After what the slavers . . . after Mindoir, I detached, you know? I just cut that part out of me, locked it up. The rest is just show, no heart. It doesn't take anything away from me to flirt with someone like Harkin because there's nothing of me in it." Staring at their joined hands, she let out a long, slow sigh.
He stood, pulling her up with him, and led her over to sit on the side of the bed. Saying nothing, he turned, pulling his knee up on the mattress so he faced her. The interrogator stare softened as she looked up, meeting his stare.
"I kissed Nihlus back in Port Hanshan," she blurted out, the sick center of her launching it like a missile. "I was drunk . . . scared . . .." She chewed on the inside of her lip. "I'm sorry."
"Yeah, I knew, but I'm glad you told me." His mandibles fluttered hard.
"How?" Her neck began to burn as a blush worthy of Sparky crawled up over her cheeks. She tried to pull her hand away, but he held onto it.
"Pheromones. You both told me everything the second you came through the hatch." He reached up with his other hand and brushed her cheek with his thumb. "I don't own you, Kahri. We've made no promises, taken no vows. I'm no more threatened by Nihlus's feelings for you now than I was a week ago. I know you, and I've gotten to know Nihlus a little. There's an attraction between the two of you, but I'm not jealous of it. I trust what we're building here."
She shifted around so she knelt on the bed and wrapped her arms around his neck. He pulled her in, sitting her on his thigh, and slipped his long, powerful arms around her. "Mmmm," she sighed, tucking her head under his chin. "This is my new favourite spot in the galaxy." A comfortable silence wrapped around them, Shepard content to let it embrace them for long minutes before she broke it. "Chakwas says I have to start talking about my past, dragging it out into the light of day so the Reapers can't use it against me."
He just caressed her back—his hand rubbing slow circles—encouraging her without speaking.
Shepard curled in against him, burrowing into his warmth and strength. "How is it that you make me feel so damned safe? Some sort of magic spell woven through those sub-vocals of yours?" Instead of waiting for an answer, she pushed ahead. "When the Alliance made it to our little corner of Mindoir, the squad's medic took one look at me and moved on." Reaching around, she laced her fingers with his. "Anderson stopped, spending the time to check for a dead girl's pulse. He woke me up as he shouted for everyone to come back. There was no way for him to unchain me, so he dragged the stakes out of the ground with his bare hands."
She let the story fade into silence for the space of a few breaths, the memory sharpening from foggy grey to full colour. "He talked to me the whole time the medic prepped me for the shuttle ride to their ship. The pain made me wish I'd died along with my father, but Anderson's voice gave me an anchor to hang onto . . . kept me sane when it was the last thing I wanted to be. Once their medic finished, Anderson carried me out of there, cradled me on his lap through the shuttle ride, then held my hand the whole time their doc treated me." She sighed and wriggled in closer. "He saved me, Garrus. Well, most of me anyway."
She pulled away far enough to kiss him, her lips soft and chaste against his mouth. "You make me want to find the rest and put all those pieces back, but . . .."
"It takes as long as it takes, Kahri. I'm not going anywhere. You have more than enough pressure and more than enough to worry about. This is meant to be respite for us, not more pressure and worry." He nuzzled her lips and along the line of her jaw. "I'll go down and get a cot."
Shepard shook her head. "No. I could really use the company tonight. Let me take a shower and then we can get some sleep." After pressing another soft kiss against the rigid plates of his mouth, Shepard stood. "I'll be right back."