Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan. All characters (except my OCs) belong to the mangaka, Hajime Isayama. This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

Summary: Petra has a crush on her captain, and he notices it. But they can't let their feelings get in the way of their duties.

Rating: M

Some Nights

CHAPTER 1:

And when she decided to leave, she did so gently. The night made her shiver under the covers no matter how many times she tucks herself in. It was a cold October, the weather erratic, unpredictable. Being in the upper bunk had its consequences, too. The wooden support creaked in every miniscule movement. It also didn't help that she fidgeted a lot.

"Petra, please," the girl, Lynette, murmured in the bed beneath her.

"Okay, okay," she huffed, chuckling a bit to herself. It was her cue to get up and find another way to warm herself up. Another one of those sleepless nights in her books.

Earlier that day, Oluo was bragging about how he managed to finish off the 15-meter prototype single-handedly in training. He had to rub it in her face when she missed the neck of another five-meter dummy titan; she actually did slice it, but the cut wasn't deep enough. And so the rest of the squad had to finish it for her. But her damn teammate kept yapping about it. Eld had to kick his ass, reminding him of the essence of teamwork; Oluo retaliated by playfully tackling him down once they were dismissed.

"Don't mind him, Petra," Gunther offered his hand to help her up when she fell down after colliding with him in mid-air. "Let him have the spotlight for now. He doesn't have something that gets to his head all the time."

Talk about self-esteem. Oh, how shallow and fragile her pride was. If only she could have something that gets in her head all the time, too. The least she could do was train harder, pound more of the exercises into her bones, let her muscles remember the memory of the good kind of pain. That was it. It sparked in her brain that perhaps lifting some weights would do the trick. Dragging her heavy body from the bed, she changed into her workout clothes and headed for the exercise hall to do some of her routine.

It was already past midnight when she found herself face-to-face with the captain who had just entered the room. Even in a plain shirt and sweatpants, Levi looked good in anything without putting much of an effort. His face was always in a scowl, if not expressionless, but the moment he saw her, there was a hint of curiosity in him. "Staying up late to train?"

She grunted as she struggled to put down the weight she's holding. "I could ask you the same thing, Sir." The clang of the metal disc reverberated throughout the room, a thought in her mind ringing, What's your excuse?

His heavy eyes said it all. "I can't sleep." As always. Although, she didn't know about his insomnia until much, much later. She watched him cover his hands with the cloth wrap meant for hand-to-hand combat, tucking the ends tight into the innermost folding. Satisfied with his work, he added, "Working out takes my mind off certain things."

The same mindset as hers. "I suppose there's not much I can do about that, Sir?" She gave him a genuine offer to help him out with his sparring, even though she might end up falling on her back more often than she could count.

The slight shrug on his shoulders means he was considering it. "I guess I could use a partner." Walking over to the corner of the room where she sat, he asked her to hold out her arm so he could put the remaining cloth wrap around her hands. Before either of them could pull away, she put her other hand on top of his, having already noticed his touch lingering a bit too long on her skin.

They both might have taken it the wrong way.

She couldn't remember when it started. Maybe it had been during that moment when she allowed him to get too close to her and she let their mouths collide to remove the tension in the air. Or when he invited her to his room after they broke apart from the kiss while he was pinning her down to the cold floor. She was surprised at how good he was in bed—he was rough and gentle at the same time, a carnal desire melded with passion she had never known all along. It was a recipe for disaster; his touch purged all the aching in her body, all the numbness in her heart. But it also felt like dousing cold water all throughout her very soul.

Did she expect a lot from this? Only a damned fool could have fallen for the bait. Even before they got down and dirty together, she found herself agreeing to the arrangement he suggested. A proposal with no strings attached. A very unusual offer, but one she couldn't dismiss. He was her commanding officer and she was his subordinate; it would cause a conflict of interest if higher authorities ever found out. They tacked on some ground rules should one of them develop feelings for the other. Not that he was someone to mess around quite a lot, after all. Not that she was going to get herself distracted by certain innuendos, deliberate or not. It was those many nights of burning the midnight oil reading reports, bumping into each other in the corridors, and drinking tea together that did the trick.

Lynette was the only one who got suspicious. It was hard to lie when the girl in the bunk below hers knew she had been disappearing almost every night. "Beating around the bush, huh?" she snorted; it was a tease to get Petra talking. "Now that is something." She wasn't going to judge her friend—not dear, sweet Petra—because Lynette was highly aware that she herself also had the tendency to sleep around with men. To her, it was the same thing as getting blackout drunk, having one-night stands, and crying in bathrooms afterward. Oh, what fun.

She wasn't going to shy away from the truth: "At least, I'm getting laid on a regular basis." She raised an eyebrow at her friend. The sex was great, too.

"I don't know if you're one lucky girl or just an idiot," Lynette shifted her feet underneath the blanket. "Your captain, of all people."

Strained laughter escaped from her lips. Bad luck, was that it? She could have picked anyone else—tall, blond, and gorgeous young men flocked the Survey Corps as trainees. Anyone else but him. Have them tell her how love would ruin a lot of things for her. Have them tell her how she would never get used to it. The signs were not that hard to recognize.

Petra had always wanted to become a soldier. Ever since her father pointed out to her the men and women who swore to protect the Walls and its people, she knew that one day she would be the one wearing those wings behind her back. Her eyes shone brightly in the sun as she declared, "Papa, Mama, I will make you proud!" Someday. She just knew. The military was something strange and unfamiliar that caught her interest for as long as she could remember.

A family of farmers, the Ralls were not entirely opposed to her dream. When she enlisted, her parents were proud and worried, fully-aware of the risks that they were taking. She told them the great news coming back, that she graduated within the top 10. "That's my girl," her father ruffled her hair, astounded at her achievement. "I knew you could do it."

And then she made the mistake of reminding them she wanted to be a Scout. Needless to say, her parents were not pleased.

"Why join the Survey Corps when you can be an MP?"

"Or just be in the Garrison!" Her mother urged, her eyes pleading. "Anything but the Scouting Legion! Why risk your life outside the Walls?"

"Because."

They've been trying to get her to consider other options. They had already accepted the fact that she wouldn't be the type to settle down, get married, and have children. But Petra would not budge, not with her firm ideals and her stubbornness to be dissuaded.

When it was time to go, she merely packed her bags and mustered every bit of courage not to cry.

So it had come down to training sessions. That was their excuse to see each other, should anyone catch her up so late at night. She would pretend to head for the exercise hall only to turn her heels and head for the captain's solo quarters. Only the two of them would know what was going on. After all, he chose her, too; it was a privilege. The exclusivity of it was probably what made her feel something. Even if they swore to secrecy, that still meant she was special enough in his eyes, right?

Damn it, she should have followed the signs.

It lasted for a week, or two, then another, until they had been going at it for a month. The captain was a very private person, so the entire arrangement wasn't very difficult in the first place. But that was the problem as well; he kept himself guarded at all times, even when they were laying in bed. Whenever he's had a rough day from training or a meeting gone sour with other officials, he would call for her in the evenings. Once in a while she would turn up outside his room without letting him know beforehand, and he would still be good with it.

They tried different positions every time, different paces—sometimes he let her take lead for as long as she wanted, other times she allowed him to ravage her in any way he desired. But after all the panting and the touches, in the end, it was always the same: they laid on the bed while staring up the ceiling, their bodies so close together devoid of any warmth or affection. He hardly spoke after coming together, often urging her to leave almost immediately, unless she wanted to exit through the window. She wondered if he really would have made her do it; the courage to ask him just never came up. He never broke the silence or attempted to ease the tension post-sex with sweet talk or something. Stories were meant to make the impressions last, anyway.

Dressing in the dark had become a habit for her. It never really hit him how awkward it was for her to put on some clothes while he sat on his favorite chair, attempting to fall asleep, or at least, pretending to. Most of the time he would rush her so he could take a shower, to clean himself from what they had just done. He never found the comfort to stay in the bed for too long, not because she was there, but for a completely different reason that had nothing to do with her.

She couldn't blame him. A hardened soldier who never really had anything from the very start but had lost a lot along the way. Maybe there were some things that he'd rather not dream about, hence his decision to sleep less than the expected number of hours. Dreams meant seeing once again the memories that he had tried to bury so deep into the past.

One time she attempted a conversation it left an awkward air between them.

"I saw you out in the streets the other day," she started, hesitating as she fumbled with her hands on the blanket. "There was a kid asking you what it was like fighting titans."

The scene was fresh in her mind: a young boy came up to him, telling the captain of how cool and amazing he was with his green cloak flapping behind him like wings, and how humanity was still standing for another day because he fought for them. Petra fondly smiled at the recollection.

He caught a glimpse of her face before averting his gaze. The ceiling was always more comfortable to look at. "What about it?"

Her eyes were full of hope. "Do you think it's worth convincing him to join the fight someday?"

Freedom and liberty were big words to her, and so did bravery, selflessness, acts of valor. Probably the same catchphrases that inspired her to enlist, endure the training, do better, work smarter. Maybe that's a story she could tell him: a starry-eyed girl who thought she could deal with anything and everything just because she had certain ideals had struck her. She never expected that the same efforts she put on were the exact same reason why she was handpicked to be part of the captain's squad.

"It's not always a burst of glory. Heroism isn't like that." Wise words from him. He was a dedicated fighter, through and through—bold and daring most of the time, but humble when he needed to be. And she loved him for that. Too much it hurt when he gave her a comment, "Thought you should know that by now."

His lips murmured something after as if he was saying, So immature.

Only a few things could completely unnerve her; the words hit her damn pride like thing she hated the most was being looked down on by someone she had come to respect a lot. What's more, she hated being treated like a child. But then again, he was way older than her, far more experienced in every aspect of life, maybe except in love. How could a person be so unaware of other people's feelings, it never dawned on her. Never had it crossed her mind that he was always so bad with words it never came out right. When he turned his back to her, she didn't say anything else after that.

Since then, she never stayed once the deed was done.

"Watch it," the soldier growled.

"Sorry."

He continued walking, as if she happened to be a rock who stood in his way. This was her first time around the Survey Corps Headquarters, when the trainees were gathered together so that the Scouts could recruit those who were interested in the organization.

When she was enough of a distance away, the other trainees came up to her. "Did you just bump into Captain Levi?"

'He's an officer?' Petra didn't know. He looked really young with his features and stature, but it was perhaps the low, guttural and commanding tone of his voice that gave his age away. Petra was pacing around in the barracks, her gear clunking together as she moved. A minute more and she would be ready to treat her hair apart. "He's so arrogant and rude and annoying and—"

"Your type?" Inga, her fellow cadet, giggled.

Hell no. Not in a million years.

She sat down and sighed, "I hope never to end up in his squad."

An hour later, she listened to the Commander's speech, welcoming all the recruits who decided to join the Survey Corps. Aside from being an effective leader, Commander Erwin was very eloquent; his words could move mountains if he gave it a chance. He talked about dedicating oneself to humanity and that freedom only lives in all of them as long as there are soldiers who are willing to put themselves into battle.

"Those are some fine words, you know." Oluo commented. "I can't wait to prove myself as the best!"

A friendly competition. She couldn't wait to do the same either. This was her dream, to become a soldier. The next step was to become the best.

"Everyone, assume your positions," Levi called out to them for their morning routine the next day. They had just finished their physical training within the first hour. It was time for a test run in the forest. "Only lunge for an attack when in proximity to the target. No good to strain your muscles repeatedly."

Save it for the final blow. His squad knew him all too well what he was going to say.

Elite combat training was tough. Their level of fighting was far more advanced than the rest of the legion, thanks to the program Levi designed especially for his team. It made the members from the other squads look like rabbits. As the captain paced in front of them, she tried so hard not to catch his eyes, always that gaze here and there that sparked something inside her that reminded her of those nights.

It was hard to forget everything he taught to their squad. He would reiterate every now and then to focus on flying first, then develop a feel for the enemy's movements, understand how it behaved, master approach and landings. And then from there, go for the kill. "Put more power when maneuvering with your gear," he reminded them. "When in mid-air adjusting direction, drop your throttle to turn faster. Is that clear?"

The four of them responded in unison, loud and clear: "Sir, yes, Sir!"

"Now move."

Getting on their horses, they took off for the forest. Once they were in close range, they started switching to the ODM gear, launching themselves into the open space after standing up on their ride. Eld, being second-in-command, was the first to head for the trees. Gunther followed after assessing the situation, looking for any traps that the operating team had prepared for them. The captain was right behind them monitoring their performance, evaluating each and every move they made.

They were already about to draw out their blades when Oluo came up from behind her. "Think you can outdo me today, Pet? If I manage to perform better than the rest, will you go out with me?"

She rolled her eyes. "In your dreams." The image of a jealous Levi flashed at the back of her mind before she tried to brush it off. Maybe he'd pay attention to her even more if she managed to make it seem that she was willing to meet and hang out with other men.

"Ten-meter on the right!" Eld called out. "Two fifteen-meters just behind!"

That was the signal.

The blast of the hooks echoed through the forest as they swung themselves to where the prototype was. Petra reeled herself in, remembering all the advice the captain had given then, as the hook unlatched but not before she shot another one through the next tree. Judging by his familiar yells, Oluo was somewhere down below, whooping as he maneuvered a complicated dive. She assisted him in doing so, making a diversion to let whoever was controlling think that she was heading for the kill.

It was only a matter of time when they struck down the ten-meter and one of the fifteen-meters; only one more left. She then heard the whirring of large cogwheels, and that was when she saw the huge wooden head rearing in front of her as she swept past it.

A surge of bravery came to her. Their team's goal was to act as one whole unit: she was meant to distract, to act as decoy, while Oluo aimed for the limbs. Gunther was trained to take out the eyes as Eld would slice the nape. While this was only training and the Titans were nothing more than huge wooden figures with potato sacks for a nape, they all had to enact their parts. Even if they had to switch positions, the captain never asked them to attack the monsters head on. Solo kills were of a different league.

But today was enough to leave a good impression. At last, that was what she thought.

Turning around, she felt the vibration of the wire as it recoiled back to her gear. The ugly head kept on retracting from behind the branches before lunging forward once again—the Scouts operating it down below were varying the speed of its attack. But Petra wasn't going to fall for that. Hurling herself against the trunk of a tree, she pivoted her heels and launched herself forward to where the neck was. She heard someone shout her name—she couldn't tell who it was—probably furious at her for neglecting her post. The blood pounded in her ears as she gathered all her strength, her blades slashing in one swift motion.

A move too late; she missed the entire nape just by a few centimeters. Backing up once more, she cursed as she watched Eld and Gunther dive in, their technique flawless unlike hers. The makeshift nape made out of potato sacks ripped open, sawdust exploding in the air.

It was over in a moment.

She heard the shrill sound of a whistle indicating the simulation was done. Completely disappointed, she swept past the trees and flew down to where the captain was. Oluo, Gunther, and Eld followed after. Levi kept giving out points for improvement on each of them, starting with Oluo who still kept blabbering about how he tried to imitate the captain's spinning movements, then with Gunther who was really refined with his fighting but still lacked the speed. Eld was doing alright all throughout the training until he forgot to move away when the Titan prototype fell down. And then it came to Petra.

The anger in Levi's voice was enough to scare the birds out of the branches. "Ral! Distracted again? What do you think of your shitty performance today?"

She didn't expect him to single her out like that. "I tried my best, Sir."

"In what? Fucking up the group effort?"

There was some hurt in her voice. "That's not it…"

"Fifty laps around the grounds for you," he told her. He then walked by the other members. "The lesson for today is to constantly be on high alert. You should all drill that into your brains; the last thing you'll want is to end up in a Titan's mouth."

When you go for the kill, you've got to mean it. You have to deal the fatal blow.

When they were dismissed, she watched the rest of their team walk past them. "See ya, Pet," Oluo murmured to her, a look of pity on his face. Did he actually feel sorry for her? It was embarrassing to see.

She didn't bother thinking too hard about it when she commenced her laps. Her boots thudded on the ground with every step she took, her voice loud and crisp as she announced every lap she finished. It wasn't entirely her fault she missed hitting the prototype's neck. Then again, what explanation did she have for the captain? Hey, Captain, I just wanted to show off and make you proud. Of what? That she could be his equal, even on the field? What a load of bullshit.

"Hurry up, Ral, you've got half an hour," he ordered her as she came past him for the twelfth time. "If you lag behind, that's not the only punishment you'll be having." He said the last part under his breath, but she caught it. This was not how she imagined it going down.

She was still within earshot when she asked him a question out loud, "Are you satisfied seeing me like this?" Her boots closed the gap between each other as she stopped in her tracks, awaiting his response.

That got his attention, prompting him to come over to the spot where she was. "What the fuck was that?" He lowered his voice and curled his fists; Levi never did that unless that was the precursor for something bad about to happen. "Do you think you get special treatment just for sleeping with me?"

Defiant to the end, she stood her ground. "No, Sir, I imagined you were actually giving me extra treatment for that."

The color left his face as he stared at her in disbelief. "You know what? I'm done yelling at you. Nothing good is ever in your mind," he growled.

Something snapped inside her. "My mind is perfectly fine as it is, Sir. You're probably imagining too much."

That was it. She had crossed the line.

He wanted to say something else, to tell her she was not getting her way this time, because she had no right to in the first place. And then as if he remembered they were not in the confines of his room, he calmly composed himself, his face reverting back to his stoic demeanor. "Well, congratulations for pissing me off. You'll be sweeping the stables tomorrow." Before she could even respond, he stormed off, leaving her behind.

Perfect. More work to do.

After she got back to the women's quarters, Lynette was waiting for her. When she didn't see her friend come back from training with the rest of the squad, she already had a hunch something happened. Upon inquiry, Oluo had told her everything—their team's performance, Petra's brash self-confidence, and the captain's punishment for her. Good thing the babbling man didn't seem like he suspected anything.

"I'm worried about you, Pet," she confessed as she crossed her arms. "You deserve better."

Petra gently brushed her aside as she walked past her friend. "I'm content where things are right now, Lynette." There was no complaining on her part. No one could ever ask for more.

"Content?" She hissed, trying to keep her voice from rising. "Being your captain's secret lover? That makes you happy?"

Yes. It wasn't the best arrangement, but she was going to keep at it. Like a beggar asking for scraps on a table. "It is what it is, but it's all I have." She and Levi were being careful, anyway. Careful enough not to compromise each other's career and reputation. She gave Lynette a small smile before her friend dropped the matter entirely, a sigh of defeat escaping from her lips.

"I sure hope you know what you're doing, Pet. Maybe it's best if you keep your mind distracted."

All Lynette ever wanted for her was to accept her limitations as a person, and now she had completely disregarded her friend's advice.

Good grief. Now even her friend was against the entire ordeal.

When breakfast was over the next day, she immediately took out a broom and filled a bucket with water before proceeding to the stables. No training was scheduled for their team, but they had to assist the other squads for their practice sessions in the afternoon. She was half expecting him to walk in on her any minute now, knowing that he often took out his horse whenever he was free.

"Why are you here?" There was a look of confusion in his face when he saw her. He must have forgotten.

"Cleaning duty, Sir."

He raised his eyebrows, as if the memory of last night crept back up to him. "Ah, that's right." His back turned to adjust the reins he held in his hands. The captain was not the type to forgive and forget so easily, but he was just going to ignore her once again.

It was now or never; she had to make her move. He was putting the saddle on his horse when she pushed him against the wall of the stables and caught his mouth with hers, not expecting the newfound surge of strength inside her. The anxiety and the pent-up frustration she had been bottling up inside had slowly surfaced, her breath hitching up as she gasped for air, thinking, Sorry about last night, I'll make it up to you.

He groaned as she tugged the back of his head while her fingers found their way on his chest, the broom she held still in between them, its round end digging into his shirt. "Fuck that broom," he growled, throwing it to the floor and making the horses neigh in surprise.

She had to laugh; and here she thought he wanted to push her away. What a madwoman she had become. It was in these small moments, these unexpected turns of fate that when she wanted bliss to define her being. They were still going at it, her hands started working on his belt, until he froze, realizing what she wanted to do.

"Petra, no," he caught her wrists. Not here. Not where anyone could walk in on them. This girl was going to be the end of him if they weren't cautious enough. Calm and composed, he whispered in her ear: "Tonight?" He had definitely taken her aback.

There was no mistaking the look in his eyes. Slowly, the captain allowed her to retract her hands, as she hid her face from him. Not another word was spoken between them. Anyone could be within earshot; they could have been reported for that. Finally straightening himself up, he left, taking his horse with him.

She was indeed losing her mind.

If the goddesses of the Walls could hear her, Petra wished some nights would last longer than they were supposed to.

The time when he tied her up in his bedroom was an entirely new experience for her. "We need to do something about that attitude of yours," he growled in her ear as he tightened the straps around her hands. "It's getting out of hand." Loosening his cravat around his collar, he blindfolded her with it.

It was that assertion of dominance from him that made her lose control even more. She felt his thumb brushing the bottom of her lip before she murmured an act of surrender: "I'm all yours…"

"...Sir." He finished it for her as he spank her from behind. His tone demanded authority. "Say it again."

She let out a whimper, pulling back as the tension held the straps taut around her wrists. Her lips felt like drying out. She said it once more, this time properly addressing him. His hands worked their way on her clothes, popping her buttons and pulling down her pants. When he was satisfied, she felt him dive in between her legs and kiss the tender flesh of her thighs. It lasted like forever until he moved on to her stomach, her chest, then her collarbones. She let him ravage her in exchange for the pleasure she got. Later on when she looked at her body in the mirror, she would only see the marks from where he touched her. The source of shame. There was that fire that only he could ignite in her.

When they were both done, he untied her from the post and removed the blindfold around her eyes. After being restrained for so long, she wanted to touch him. Draping her hand around his torso, she nudged her forehead against his shoulder, not expecting him to move a little farther from where she had lain.

That's just him being him, she told herself. He never liked talking about feelings, never craved for touch and sweet, small gestures. If she showed her persistence, would he give in to her? There was only one way to find out. She tried to come close once more; her hands slowly crept again to his waist, pulling him tighter to her, and that was when he swat her hands away.

"What?" Her eyes followed him to the chair where he sat after he put on his pants.

He lazily arched an eyebrow at her. "Rules, remember?"

It was a blatant rejection from him.

You deserved better. The words Lynette told her started ringing in her ear. So much better. She could leave whenever she felt like it. No point in staying in a place where she wasn't needed, where she wasn't wanted. Getting up, her hands gathered all her clothes in one swift motion, and after putting them back on, she decided to head for the door without another word to him.

But, no. Something was still stopping her. A heavy feeling, some kind of regret if she didn't let her emotions out. The soft snoring made her turn around. Levi was fast asleep on the chair, arms folded across his chest, a leg bent on top of his other knee, his head resting against the wall. A scowl was still plastered on his face; she tried hard not to laugh.

Slowly, she took the blanket and draped it around his sleeping figure. After giving him one last look, she took off for the night.

END OF CHAPTER

Author's Note: I just loooove angsty Rivetra fanfics, but what do you think?