Seeking Closure
WolfStarBucks
Written for:
Meet Cute - Prompt 5
Fortnightlies:
Sophie's Smut - 11 - Groan
Birthday Bash - 1 - Dialogue: "Oops"
Mythology Club - 18. Emotion: Abandonment
Herbology - ""Probably should have thought that through a bit more."
Pop Figure Collection Club - Gert Yorkes - 3. (Dialogue) "Why are you like this?" / 4. (action) kissing
Around the World - 5. "What? You've come to lecture me too?"
Writing Club:
Assorted Appreciation: 1. Write about someone who changes their appearance
Disney Challenge: Character 5 - Write about rekindling a romance
Book Club: (emotion) jealousy / (scenario) Revealing a secret / (word) dismissive
Showtime: 12 - Emotion: Heartbreak
Amber's Attic - 15 - Someone who enjoys drawing
Em's Emporium - 6 - Write about a fight
Liza's Lodes - 9 - Write about someone who is naturally talented at something
"Is this a good idea?" Sirius asked. His clothes littered the floor of the hotel and his eyes were fixed on James who was slowly undoing the buttons on his shirt. "Your parents—"
"They won't have a problem," James assured him. "My parents love you, you know that. Maybe they'll be a bit disappointed on the whole grandchildren front, but you and me… they'd be delighted." The shirt came down off his arms and he tossed it to the floor. "Adoption is a thing, surrogacy is another."
"You're talking about a future together," Sirius said. His eyes followed the movement, following the shirt briefly, before returning to James' body. "Kids? We're eighteen, Prongs."
James shrugged and he began to remove his trousers slowly, knowing how much it would infuriate his best friend. "You never said this was a one-off," he replied. His own gaze moved down Sirius' body as Sirius sprawled across the bed, wearing nothing but his underwear.
He knew Sirius was impatient, which was why he was taking so long to do this. It was also why Sirius had gotten almost naked within thirty seconds of getting in the room, twenty minutes after they had snogged downstairs for the first time - which in James' opinion, was a long time coming.
"James," Sirius whined. "Why do you live to torment me?"
James grinned. "I've tormented you for… what, six years now?"
"Seven," Sirius corrected him. "But not like this." The trousers fell to the floor and James kicked them off. "Finally. Now the pants," Sirius ordered.
"Socks," James said, sitting down on his own bed and slowly moving to take off his socks.
Sirius let out a loud groan, grabbing a pillow and tossing it at James.
"Arse," he said. "Why are you like this?"
"Tosser," James muttered fondly. He dropped his socks on the floor and headed over to Sirius' bed. It was fun tormenting his best friend, but James didn't want to wait any longer to pick up where they left off.
...oOo...
"You did… stuff with that bloke you were dating, right?" James asked, as fingers ran down his body. "I mean, I did before with… but you've…" he trailed off as lips pressed against his stomach. He couldn't remember what he was saying.
Sirius pulled away, meeting James' gaze. "Prongs," he murmured softly. "I've got you, okay?" James couldn't help but relax at Sirius' gentle tone. He trusted Sirius completely.
"I know," he replied gently. His lips curved up into a smile. "It's a shame Remus wasn't at the party."
"Prefer him, do you?" Sirius asked somewhat jealously. "Want his delicious arse instead?"
"I knew you thought it was delicious," James murmured. "It really is, isn't it?"
"But why want our precious Remus at the party? He'd be left out if we kissed," Sirius pointed out. "Imagine how left out he'd feel…"
His lips moved back to James' stomach, inching lower.
"Not necessarily. The three of us would be sharing a room. Imagine the three of us in here, together."
Sirius paused. "I knew you were kinky, Potter," he murmured delightedly. "The three of us would be perfect together, and I have high hopes of that happening in the future. Now, do you really want me talking when I could be doing so much more with my mouth?"
"Yeah, no more talking," James agreed urgently. "But… but me and my parents are leaving for Scotland in a few days. What happens then? You can come back with us you know, it doesn't have to end when we leave."
"I don't know," Sirius replied softly. "We agreed not to talk about this, Prongs." He began to move away but James was too quick, sitting up and pulling Sirius into a kiss. He wanted whatever Sirius was willing to give, even if it wasn't a long term thing like James himself wanted.
...oOo...
It had been on James' mind since the interview. He had ended up getting a small roll in a soap of all things, playing a popular character's boyfriend. The role had brought him into the public eye, an up and coming celebrity, and he hadn't hidden that he was bisexual. Maybe a few years ago, James would have kept the information quiet - but that was until his three week relationship with Sirius. Well, the three weeks where it had been romantic.
Once James and his parents had headed back to Scotland, he had barely heard from Sirius. A few texts and a couple of calls before things fizzled out.
Sirius was supposed to come to Scotland with them, or follow them there. There was a family waiting for him and a boyfriend - well, if Sirius wanted James that way (because James had hoped that Sirius wanted that). But from what he could see, Sirius didn't want the same things.
He still wondered to that day what it all meant to Sirius. James' feelings had been changing over time, back when he was eighteen. He had fallen for his best friend and had been so sure that Sirius was falling for him.
Not to mention how they both felt about Remus, though it was something they didn't discuss properly. It was something he didn't even think about until a year after losing Sirius, though he was more cautious with his heart this time.
The question in the interview had been: "What was your first love like?"
James had been honest. "I fell in love with my best friend. Me and him dated for three weeks, but it unfortunately came to an end."
The questions carried on and James could talk about the blossoming relationship between him and Remus Lupin instead. He was falling in love with Remus but the memory of Sirius sat in the back of his mind and James just needed closure on what they had. He just needed to know why Sirius disappeared as though James meant nothing.
Remus understood. Remus was too kind about these things, insisting they go and find Sirius so that James could find out the truth of the matter. James was sure Remus needed his own closure from Sirius too - Sirius had disappeared from his life just as he had from James, though there had been no romance between them.
Though if Remus had said that he had slept with Sirius too, James wouldn't have been surprised. There had always been this electricity between the trio and eighteen year old James had imagined the three of them together - a nice house, adopted or surrogate children to raise together. Remus running a little bookshop that they invested in together, whilst James did his acting and Sirius did whatever was Sirius' tastes that current month. After all, they wouldn't want for money.
He still had that dream for him and Remus. They didn't have the nice house yet and wanted to be settled before talking about kids. But Sirius was always a weight on their relationship.
...oOo...
The tattoo shop was a surprise. Of all things that James pictured for Sirius, tattoos didn't quite fit in. Eighteen year old Sirius complained about guys getting piercings because it was putting a hole in their body, and a tattoo was for life.
But he called in advance to make an appointment, reserving an hour of Sirius' time and he allowed Remus to drive because if he drove himself, he wouldn't trust himself not to turn the car around.
They pulled up outside of the tavern. The hotel was nicer, but James didn't want to find himself in a room that looked like the one he first slept with Sirius in, and it was a quick check in. The room had a rustic look and James couldn't wait to try out the bed.
"Later," Remus said, reading James' mind. "I think we should meet with Sirius first." He pulled away when James reached for him, turning towards the door.
James stared after him. Though it had been Remus' idea, Remus had been strange over the whole thing.
"Remus, are… is there a problem?" James asked, moving to follow and grabbing his arm gently. "Talk to me."
Remus turned, sighing softly.
"Please. We promised to talk to each other about everything," James continued.
"Sirius has been a thorn in our relationship for a long time," Remus began softly. "It's not your fault, mine or even his."
"What are you saying?" James asked.
"I loved him and so did you," Remus said, smiling slightly. "But I also loved you at the same time. You loved Sirius, and you never got closure on that - in fact, your relationship never came to a proper end." He glanced sadly at James' hand on his arm. "James, back in our youth, my love for you was equal to how I felt for Sirius, but I know that Sirius meant the world to you and I was okay with being your second choice."
James stared at him in shock. He hadn't realised Remus felt this way - but according to his words, the two years together he had always assumed he was James' second choice and that wasn't it at all.
"Remus, you've never been my second choice," James insisted gently. "I was with Sirius first just because things happened with him first." His lips curved into a smile. "Me and Sirius talked about inviting you to join us. I never mentioned that before because… Remus, you were never second best to him. Sirius demanded more attention from me, you know what he was like, but that didn't mean you were any less to me."
Remus bit his lip, his gaze dropping.
"Remus, I love you," James continued gently. "I loved Sirius, and part of me always will, but I'm not here to choose him over you. You'll always be my first choice because there's no way I'd give up what we have. Even if Sirius throws himself at me, I'd choose you."
Remus smiled faintly. "You both talked about the three of us together?"
James nodded. "Maybe back when I was eighteen, I had a vision of the three of us together, like a future together," he admitted. "That's not how things happened - but that doesn't mean that me and you can't have that future."
"We've never talked about a future," Remus pointed out.
"And that's something we should have done," James murmured, pulling Remus over to the bed. He sat down, pulling Remus to sit next to him. "If I had done this, perhaps you'd have realised how serious I am about us. I see a future for us. You're in my future, Remus."
"You're mine," Remus admitted. "Is this us having the talk?"
James grinned. "Yes, I suppose it is. We'll get a nice house together and we'll use our savings for a bookshop which you'll run and I'll help when I'm not acting. I mean, if you want. We'd adopt or get a surrogate and have a family."
Remus' small smile widened at the words. "Did you always have this dream?"
James nodded. "It used to include Sirius," he admitted. "But it always included you."
"Was Sirius a tattooist in your dream?" Remus checked.
James shook his head. "Sirius Black doing tattoos? Never crossed my mind."
Remus laughed. "Mine either. He was always quite squeamish over things like that." He squeezed James' hand. "It helps, you know, that you thought of me back when you made this plan when you were younger - with Sirius."
"We'd have never left you out. We both wanted you," James said.
"And I wanted you both," Remus replied. "Okay, let's do this, shall we?" He stood, pulling James up and he allowed his lips to brush James'. "As long as I don't lose you today, okay?"
"You can't get rid of me that easily," James assured him. "Whatever happens, if I ever had to choose, it would be you. I promise you that. I loved Sirius and he'll always have a part of my heart, but the rest belongs to you."
...oOo...
"Sirius, your next client is here," the girl at the counter shouted, glancing over her shoulder. Her hair, blue with pink tips brushed her shoulders as she turned her head. "Should I show him in?"
"One second, Dora," came the reply and James' grip tightened on Remus' hand. Sirius' voice was so familiar, though it was rougher than he remembered. "Just finishing this design. Get the guy to take a seat, I'll be there in a minute."
Remus looked just as nervous as he felt, clearly affected by Sirius' voice too.
"Did you hear that?" Tonks asked, glancing back.
"Yes, thanks," James replied. He sat down, Remus sitting next to him, and the pair began to glance around them.
The walls were lined with pictures, some watercolours but most were just black and white. Amazing designs everywhere and some were painted straight onto the wall.
"Does Sirius own this, or does he just work here?" Remus whispered softly.
"I'm not sure," James admitted. He heard the scrape of a chair and he quickly stood, Remus following. Their hands joined and they waited.
Eighteen year old Sirius wore smart clothes, neatly pressed. His parents made sure he looked more than presentable at all times. His hair was almost shoulder length and very tidy.
That wasn't the man that emerged from the back. Sirius Black as they knew him was gone. In his place stood a man with tattoos scattered over his arms. His jeans were torn in so many places, James couldn't work out how they were even remaining on. His hair was in a messy plait, a large flower pinned at the bottom. Heavy boots completed the look and James wondered if the motorbike that was parked out front belonged to Sirius.
"Hey, Welcome to…" Sirius looked at James and froze in place. His hand shot out and he grabbed the doorframe. "Prongsy?" His gaze moved to Remus. "Moonpie," he murmured softly.
"You know these guys?" Tonks asked, glancing at him.
"Sure do," Sirius said. "I'll… I'll get the books, shall I? Or do you know what you want to have done?"
"Sirius, I was hoping—"
"We've only got half an hour for the consultation so that needs to be sorted," Sirius said, his gaze darting between them. Finally it moved down to their joined hands and he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.
When he opened them again, a mask settled over his face. "Let's talk tattoos."
James shrugged before nodding. If that's what it took to have a conversation with Sirius, so be it.
Sirius turned back towards the room and James glanced at Remus, whose eyes were fixed intently on Sirius. He was glad he wasn't the only one.
...oOo...
"These are amazing," James said as he looked around the room. "I don't even know where to start… what would you recommend?"
Sirius' gaze darted to a book at the far wall, before he shrugged. "Not sure. What do you like?"
Remus watched the exchange. He was more confident in his relationship after the talk earlier, but he could see that Sirius was trying to treat them like acquaintances rather than old friends. Whilst James didn't notice the glance towards the book on the workstation, Remus did.
So whilst James was looking at the book nearest, Remus allowed the pair to be distracted so he could go and see what Sirius thought would be perfect for James.
He flicked it open to the first page where a few sketches of a black dog sat, its eyes as full of expression as Sirius' could be when he didn't hide behind a mask of indifference.
There was one where the dog was lined up over the Sirius constellation and Remus wondered what it meant that Sirius saw himself as a dog.
Was it in the sense of the word when someone would refer to an ex partner as a dog, or did he pride himself in the traits that dogs displayed such as loyalty?
He turned the page and a large wolf was howling at the moon. Remus took his time studying the pictures. The attention to detail was amazing and Remus knew the significance of the pictures. His nickname was Moony, his name was basically 'wolf'. These were inspired by him.
He turned the page, wondering how Sirius saw James, but before he could see, the book was slammed shut.
"Private," Sirius said, grabbing the book and sliding it into a drawer, turning the key afterwards. "Sorry."
"Oops," Remus murmured, though they both knew it wasn't an accident that he had gone to the one book in the place that was off limits. He could easily pick that lock and he knew James could too, but for respect for their former friend, he left the drawer alone and returned to James.
"What do you think, Love? This affects you as much as me," James said.
Remus glanced at the book. The pictures were amazing in there too, but they didn't have the same heart as the ones in the book.
Clearly the book mattered to Sirius, which meant perhaps his former friend were still important too?
"I like the new look," Remus commented.
Sirius grinned. "Whereas I'm glad you're still in the dorky cardigans. They look good on you." His gaze slowly moved down Remus and Remus couldn't stop staring.
Suddenly Sirius' gaze moved up again and he met Remus' gaze. James pointedly cleared his throat, and both of them looked back at him.
"Though I guess James gets to admire you in and out of them whenever he wants." Sirius didn't even attempt to hide the jealousy in his voice. "Hurry up and pick something, right?" He marched out of the doorway they had walked in through.
...oOo...
"Why are you here?" Sirius demanded, storming back in, making the pair jump. "I'm not stupid, Potter. You didn't just stumble on this place. You came here to see me, so why? Is it to rub your new relationship in my face… is it to brag that you got Remus? Or that he got you? Dick move, Potter." He looked towards Remus who had just crossed his arms. "What? You've come to lecture me too?"
"Brag?" James snapped loudly. "You were the one who didn't want me. You're the one who disappeared, Sirius. You can't give me a hard time for falling in love with Remus instead."
"You gave me no choice," Sirius shouted, smacking his hand against the desk. "You pushed me to choose between you and my family, James. You didn't ask what I wanted, you didn't try and talk me through it. I tried to tell you, but you didn't want to hear it - if I chose you, I'd basically be giving up everything."
"You hated your family," James snapped in return.
"True, but I also loved my family. Despite how they treated me, they were my mother and father. Choosing you meant turning my back on Regulus and who would he have to protect him?"
"You could have told me," James shouted.
"I tried." Sirius made his voice louder. "James, I tried." Remus could hear the waver in Sirius' voice. "I had to make an impossible choice and one way or another, people would get hurt. I called you to tell you and all you did was push me to come and live with you."
James gestured around the room. "But it looks like you left at some point. I wasn't worth a call?"
"Oh right. I was just going to call out of the blue. Hey James, I left home at the same time your career is taking off and I need you. So I'm going to burden you with my issues and make your life difficult when it's the most inconvenient to you."
"Don't you even dare," James hissed. "I would have always put you first. You know that."
"I did know that, which is why I stayed away. You were getting known and the last thing you needed was me screwing it up for you. I was going to call Remus, but… but then I found out you were dating and…" he looked sadly at Remus. "I'm sorry, Moonpie. I wanted to call you but I was jealous."
"Of who?" Remus asked softly. "Of me for being with James, or of James for being with me?"
"Equally jealous of both of you," Sirius said, clearly calmer when talking to Remus. "I thought I'd get my shop set up and then get in contact, but then you were both together so I lost my chance."
"I never made you choose between me and your family," James repeated, his voice softer now Sirius wasn't shouting.
"Then you never considered the reaction my family would have had if I left with you like I wanted to," Sirius said, crossing his arms. "By choosing you, I'd have been disowned by them, James. I hated them at times, but you forgot that they were my mother and father and brother and the rest. I still loved them and it was an unfair choice. When I tried to talk to you on the phone about it, it was clear you took it as a slight against you personally."
"That's enough," Remus snapped so fiercely that the pair stopped to look at him. "This is going around in circles and this certainly isn't the place to do this. Sirius, if people outside hear this, they'll keep walking and not come in. So either we finish this now so this can be put behind us, or we finish it later over a drink once we've all calmed down."
"You mean you're not calm?" Sirius asked.
Remus shook his head. "You've explained why you pulled away from James, but me and you weren't in a romantic relationship and I never asked you to make any sort of choice, but you pushed me away anyway. Why wasn't my friendship good enough?"
James had never considered that Remus could have been hurting just as much. He said nothing as Sirius approached Remus, wrapping his arms around him. In fact, in other circumstances, James would have liked to see that very much. But not when Remus was sad. He hated Remus being sad.
"Love, we were on the verge of that," Sirius said gently. "I had no choice. Because if I had stayed friends with you, I knew that sooner or later... No, sooner - things would happen between us too and that'd hurt all the more."
"Meet us in the Tavern at eight," James blurted out.
"James, is there anything left to say?" Sirius asked tiredly. "We had something great - a great friendship and a fling. I felt forced to make a choice. I chose my family."
"Well, you don't look like you're big with your family now," Remus pointed out. "I can't see your parents allowing this in any way, shape or form."
"I'm with my family. Regulus lives out here, you saw Tonks on the desk -"
"Wait. Nymphadora?" James said, raising his eyebrows. "I never realised…"
"Yeah and Andromeda and her husband," Sirius added. "Uncle Alphard died and left me some money. I… my parents wanted me to invest it in my father's business, but then Andromeda told me about this empty store. She told me that I can do anything with my life, and that whatever I decide, I still had family. I was going to have an art studio, but things went a different way."
"I think we have a lot to discuss," Remus agreed gently. "Later in the pub..."
He was fixed with Sirius' intense stare and trailed off.
"We have to unpack at the hotel anyway," James said, taking Remus' arm, his gaze moving between them. Sirius' eyes moved to him instead and he could see why Remus could get so easily lost. There was an intensity about Sirius that seemed to demand their attention.
They needed to get out of there.
Sirius waved as they left, though it seemed somewhat dismissive, as though he didn't actually care, but James and Remus new better now.
They paused outside on the pavement, and James looked at Remus. ""Probably should have thought that through a bit more," he said.
"Probably," Remus agreed.
...oOo...
"That was intense," James said. "Was it always that intense?"
Remus nodded, still dazed after the encounter.
"And here you were worried that I'd go running off with him," James continued, mostly joking because there had been an intense heat between Sirius and Remus that anyone could see. There was still the fire between himself and Sirius too, he felt it and he hated that he did.
"James, I'm sorry," Remus began, grabbing his hands. "Sirius is intense, but I'm with you and… I'm not with him and I'm not going to go out and cheat. It's the new look. It's just surprised me."
Which was a nice way of Remus saying that he was totally into Sirius, but was sticking with James.
"I love you," James said softly.
"And I love you," Remus replied.
"And I think we both still have feelings for Sirius," James added softly. "But I meant what I said earlier, Remus."
Remus nodded, defeated. "I think you're right," he agreed. "Why did I think we could come here and all would be well afterwards?"
"You didn't though - you thought I'd run off with Sirius, leaving you all alone," James pointed out. "Look, I want you, Remus. I want a house, a little shop together… though sometimes I can't help because of my acting. I want kids and a dog and to see the things you plant in the garden and to cuddle on the sofa with you. So why don't we leave right now?"
"Because whatever this is with Sirius, it's not over," Remus said tiredly. "Because Sirius was too large a part of our lives for us to walk away now. Because I think perhaps he still needs us, even if he's not admitting it, and I don't think either of us can actually walk away." He squeezed James' hands. "Because I think we both need him too."
James could see the house again, see the three of them happy, but he couldn't voice his thought. He didn't want Remus to worry again.
"Because I think we both still love him and… and will always wonder what could have been if we walk away now," Remus added. "This might be the only chance to find out if there could be a future for the three of us together."
"What if we try and it ruins what you and I have?" James checked.
Remus was silent for a long time, but James waited patiently for the answer.
"It's a risk that I don't think we can avoid," Remus finally said. "Unless you can tell me now that you don't see a future that involves Sirius at all. I don't think we can just hope for friendship. If we agree to be friends with him, how long before one of us is tempted?"
"So you want to give it a go? Add him to what we have?"
"Only if you want the same," Remus insisted.
James nodded. "But you've got to be the one to make the move," James said. "Sirius would believe it more, coming from you."
Remus smiled. "I thought you'd hate me for having these thoughts," he admitted. "For wanting another man."
"It's Sirius," James replied. That was enough of an answer. Had it been any other man, James would have been hurt at the idea. But Sirius was always an exception to whatever rules there were. He would do anything for Sirius (though not at the expense of Remus' feelings), and knew Remus would do the same.
...oOo...
"So, do you have many clients tomorrow?" Remus asked, stopping next to Sirius who was perched at the bar.
Sirius glanced around, a grin on his face. "You know, part of me thought you wouldn't turn up," he said, as three drinks were set down in front of him. "I was optimistically buying these of course. Crisps?"
"Do they do food here?" Remus asked.
"Yup. Chocolate dessert. They also do that to take away…" his gaze moved down Remus' body. "Where's Prongs?"
"He found a table and sent me over to you," Remus said. "So, how many would be needed to take away?"
Sirius' eyes widened slightly. "Remus, I care about you, I really do, but I'm just flirting and you sound serious. I wouldn't do that to James, as tempting as you are. I wouldn't hurt either of you again."
"Don't worry," Remus assured him. "I wouldn't do anything that James wouldn't approve of."
Sirius relaxed. "Okay. As long a we're on the same page!"
"We will be," Remus assured him. "Come, let's go and sit down, you can tell us what's good on the menu."
Sirius nodded. Before Remus moved to grab the drinks, Sirius stopped him. "Moony, I'm sorry," he said softly. "You did nothing wrong and I ignored you. I should have at least had the decency to tell you the truth."
"I'll only forgive you if you promise never to do it again," Remus insisted. "Because hopefully we can fix things during our stay here and we can be a part of each other's lives again."
"I can try," Sirius said, glancing towards James. "I'll get used to the idea of the pair of you dating."
"Let's not think about that right now," Remus assured him gently. "We're talking through issues first, then we'll see how it goes." He picked up one of the drinks and the bags of crisps on the bar. "Come, let's sit down."
...oOo...
It had been the biggest mistake of his life, choosing his family over love. His family (or most of them) were cruel people who didn't care about Sirius.
That didn't mean that he could just cast them aside and pretend that they didn't matter to him. Despite everything, they were still his family.
When he realised his mistake, it was too late. He knew James' heart would have broken and Sirius didn't know how to reconnect with James. He couldn't reconnect with Remus either, due to the relationship between James and Remus which he envied more than anything.
But Sirius could finally be himself. He didn't have to hide his sexuality. His life wasn't controlled, he could listen to what he wanted, dress how he wanted and that's what he did.
What he didn't expect was to be sitting down to dinner with the only two men in the world that could make him lose his cool in any way. The only two men he'd ever let in his bed.
And they were dating each other.
So when dinner finished up and Remus' hand began stroking up his leg - in full view of James - Sirius had no idea what to do except agree to go back to their room with them.
...oOo...
"I'm sorry I made you feel like you had to choose between us," James said, as he shut the door behind them. He had watched Remus' interactions with Sirius the whole evening and more than anything, he wanted to see the two together. "I thought I had done something wrong. My main fear was that you thought I was crap in bed or something. But then I told myself you wouldn't stop talking to me about that." He strode over to Sirius, wrapping his arms around Sirius tightly and Sirius hugged James tightly.
For the first time in years, things felt right again. Remus had forgiven him and he hoped that James had. It appeared so.
"I'm sorry I made the wrong choice," Sirius replied gently.
"We forgive you," James insisted. "We won't force you to make a choice like that again, okay? And if it ever sounds like it, just speak up and call me out on it."
"Does this mean we're friends again?" Sirius asked hopefully. He regretted the question when James let go and moved away. "Or maybe on the track to fixing things to become friends?" he quickly added. Because having James and Remus as part of his life mattered so much, he'd deal with them dating each other.
James glanced at Remus before he dropped down in the nearest armchair, and Sirius glanced over to where Remus was unbuttoning his cardigan slowly. Sirius' mouth went dry. It was almost like a Remus Lupin style striptease which was better than any other tease ever.
He didn't look away. He was transfixed at the sight of Remus removing the cardigan.
"Me and James have had a talk," Remus said, folding his cardigan carefully and walking over to set it on one of the shelves. Sirius and James' gazes both following his every move. "We're going to give you another chance. Just one chance actually."
"To be friends?" Sirius asked.
"James had this dream about the three of us having a future together. Today was clear to me that we both have feelings for you," Remus explained, his fingers moving to his jeans, quickly opening the button. "So, we're yours. But if you hurt either one of us again, you lose us both. Understood?"
"Understood!" Sirius said weakly.
"And we come as a pair. If you decide you like James more… it's over. Is that clear?"
"You've nothing to worry about there," Sirius said, unable to believe what he was hearing. He had never dreamt in a million years that Moony would seduce him like this. Though it might have been a fantasy of his.
The jeans fell to the floor and Remus stepped out of them. He looked at James first, before turning his gaze to Sirius. "I think James wants to watch for a bit," he murmured. "Should we get started? He'll join in soon, I imagine."
Sirius glanced at James for approval. Upon his former lover's nod, he swiftly made his way over to Remus.
"After this, you'll need to show me the rest of your notebook. The drawings are amazing and I'd like to see what you drew to represent James," Remus said, bringing a hand up and placing it on Sirius' chest to stop him momentarily.
"I'm sure you'll find everything once you strip me down," Sirius replied huskily. "You and James have made your mark."
Remus glanced at James and James grinned.
"Kiss," he ordered softly.
...oOo...
Sirius was exhausted. The arguing, the talking over dinner and the way Remus had set out to seduce him. James bossing them about.
The moment Remus was finished, Sirius felt the familiar touch of James - one that he had craved for years and it was all too easy to continue where they left off, with Remus' eyes fixed intently on them both.
They had rested for a little while before Sirius admitted he wanted to see James and Remus together. After all, James had shown no jealousy when Sirius and Remus were together, and Remus had been fine watching him and James. Sirius wanted them to see that he could be fair in the relationship too.
The emotional toll it all took was enormous. He had everything he wanted right there in the bed and he was terrified of even speaking. Speaking meant he might screw things up again, and he had no intention of losing James or Remus. Both mattered so much to him.
If he played his cards right, he'd be able to spend the rest of his life looking after Remus, protecting him and helping him when his health was bad. He'd be able to let his guard down and allow James to take charge sometimes, rather than allowing himself to feel the burdens of life. He wouldn't ever feel alone because he'd have his best friends with him forever.
"It's less than an hour's drive to filming," James murmured softly, breaking the silence.
"I saw a shop a couple of doors away which was empty," Remus said back, his voice drowsy.
"You can move in with me immediately," Sirius blurted out. The idea of them leaving again scared him - what if they decided it was a mistake or that this wasn't what they wanted after all? The best thing to do would be to get them to stay no matter what it took.
Silence followed and panic began to twist in his gut.
"Well, we'd need somewhere to stay whilst we save for the house I pictured," James finally said. "There's a lot of things to sort out before living together, but if I invest in that shop…"
"I have some money left over too," Sirius hastened to add.
"If we invest in that shop - by the time it's ready and everything, we'd have had time to explore this and work out how to manage the three of us together," Remus suggested. "Because I like this. Right here, how we are. The three of us. It feels complete."
"It does," James agreed. "I didn't realise something was missing until we came here."
Sirius smiled.
"Sirius… how do you feel about all of this?" Remus checked. "If you have doubts or concerns, right now is the best time to voice them. Though you're always welcome to talk about problems - I just don't want to go into this with anyone having major concerns that aren't addressed."
Sirius considered the question. "James, people might talk. You might lose roles for this," he said quietly, scared of even approaching a subject that would make the pair leave him.
"I might," James agreed. "But acting will always come second to love, okay? I might end up working longer hours and taking roles that involve more travelling because some people might see this as a taboo relationship with the three of us, but whatever the cost, as long as I have you both, it's worth it." He shifted closer to Sirius, his lips gently pressing against Sirius' shoulder. "You and Remus are what matters to me. Your happiness, your love. If I'm as talented as people say, then I'll get work, whether people approve of what we have or not."
"And whilst James is working, I'll only be a few shops down," Remus said. He nuzzled against Sirius' other shoulder, his breath warm on Sirius' skin. "Are these tattoos anything like the ones in your book?"
"Just some designs that I did," Sirius said weakly, feeling Remus' hand gently trail over his chest, working its way lower. How did Remus still have energy for more?
"We all know the wolf is me," Remus murmured gently. "The antlers I'd imagine are James. You have to explain all the others to me."
"I will… but later," Sirius said as Remus slipped under the covers.
"He's excellent at this," James assured Sirius with a smirk.
"So am I," Sirius pointed out. "Wanna see for yourself?"
James' grin widened. "Of course, love, but there's no rush. We have all of the time in the world."