"Ambassador." Shepard squared her shoulders, standing at parade rest before the hologram of Donnel Udina. Residual excitement from the night before tingled along her spine, allowing her to meet his sneer with a genuine smile, if not one actually meant for him. Now that they had finally edged ahead of Saren, she could hold her temper long enough to get things organized. Truly, she should never let him get to her at all. Ever. The man amounted to a paper cut-out that should just blow into her life and then right back out. That image widened her smile.
"What do you want, Shepard? I'm a busy man." He crossed his arms, the sneer turning to belligerence. "Do you have any proof that Saren attacked Eden Prime?"
She nodded. "Yes, sir. This call is to request an audience with the council. We have irrefutable evidence of his involvement in several crimes, including Eden Prime."
The ambassador straightened, the sneer uncurling into an incredulous smirk. "You have evidence?"
"Yes, sir, and we've tracked him to his base. The Normandy is en route for the Citadel. We're docking in three hours, so will be available whenever they have time to meet with us." She didn't move, didn't even twitch an eyebrow as she watched his expressions shift, the weasel trying to find a way to make himself the hero even before he knew what they had. Lifting a hand to her mouth, she cleared her throat to squash a laugh before it could form. Let him take all the credit he wanted. Maybe the council would end up putting a hit on him.
That thought made her tingle all the way to her finger and toenails. She grabbed the inside of her bottom lip between her teeth to control the manic grin trying to beat its way onto her mouth.
Damn it, man, just tell me that you'll let me know when it's all arranged before I chew all the way through my face.
"I'll contact you when I have a time, Captain." His face twisted and for a moment, she thought him on the cusp of blowing his breakfast. "Good work." His hologram vanished before his praise burned its way from her ears to the shock processing center in her brain.
"Holy shit." She turned toward the door. "Somewhere, the four horsemen are riding the crest of a wave straight out of hell. Blessed Enkindlers preserve us." The sound of the door opening saved her from examining the possible galaxy-shattering consequences of Udina telling her she'd done a good job.
"Shepard-Captain," Legion called. "You wished to speak to us?"
Turning to face the geth, she smiled and waved for the platform to enter the room. "I do." She gestured for Legion to sit, but didn't push the matter when it remained standing. "You're looking much more even these days," she said, pointing toward the repaired half of its chest.
"Creator Tali'Zorah explained our error. We do not wish to complicate our interactions with organics. The alteration was necessary." It stood evenly on both feet, regarding her with almost no movement or expression.
"How did your mission with Tali go? Were you able to work well together?" Shepard leaned toward the geth, forearms on her knees.
The unit inclined its head. "Creator Tali'Zorah demonstrated competence and a strong ability to assess situations and adapt."
Shepard chuckled and nodded, her head bobbing a little. "She said much the same about working with you." Pausing, she took a deep breath. "I want to team the two of you up with Rael'Zorah to infiltrate Saren's base on Virmire and rescue the quarian pilgrims. I would like the team to be three geth and three quarians. I've already sent a message to Tali, and she's making arrangements for a quarian Marine to join us. Is there any way that two other geth units could participate?"
Legion's head flaps danced in several waves, his hands and head moving in a remarkable simulation of a person pondering out a difficult question. "You wish to set precedent for cooperation and trust between the creators and the geth?"
Shepard pressed her lips together, a crease pinching between her eyebrows. "Yeah, I do." She shrugged, just a quick pop of her shoulders. "Do you see a better way to bring your two sides together? If geth can help rescue hundreds of quarians . . . if quarians can work with geth in a spirit of peace . . . maybe we can start to make some real steps. Maybe it doesn't all have to end in war."
After another thirty seconds or so of his contemplative activity, Legion inclined its head. "Although this unit is unique, Prime platforms are command and control units, therefore have a degree of autonomous utility. However, a geth ship within broadcast or tightbeam range would facilitate greatest utility."
Shepard considered that for a moment. "Okay. Prime units are dicey, a ship even more so, but see what you can arrange. We'll present the idea to Rael'Zorah tomorrow morning and make final preparations based on how he reacts. No doubt it will involve yelling."
"Do you require anything further, Shepard-Captain?"
She shook her head, but then sat up, raising a hand to stop it as it turned to leave. "No wait. I do have a question. How did the three of you get across that minefield on Luna?" She stood and took a step toward the geth.
"Jenkins-Corporal suggested welding together wheels blown off the armoured vehicle into units of two and rolling them ahead of our advance," Legion replied. "The improvised apparatus cleared a path sufficient for passage."
Shepard gave him a lopsided grin and a slight nod. "Smart cookies, the whole lot of you. That will be all, Legion. Well, except that, it's been a pleasure getting to know you at least a little. And thank you for helping save both my team and myself over the last few missions. I'm glad to have shot you."
The geth's head flaps all rose and fluttered in an exaggerated wave at that. "Trust furthers mutual goals," it replied simply.
"Yes, it sure does." She tilted her head toward the door. "Dismissed. See you tomorrow at 0900."
"Affirmative."
Tali caught up with Shepard as the captain stopped to check in with Pressly, ensuring that he had all his ducks lined up to get them resupplied during their short stay on the Citadel.
"I just saw Legion," the young quarian said, falling in next to Shepard as the Captain strode for the stairs down to the crew deck. "He said you asked about bringing in geth."
Shepard nodded. "I did. He said Primes would be the most autonomous, and I'd certainly welcome the extra firepower, but I'm worried about your father." She snapped a salute to the guard at the door, then stopped, ushering Tali ahead of her. "How badly is he going to freak out when we talk about bringing geth along?"
"I've already brought it up with him, and warned Kal that he'd be working with geth if he accepted the mission. Kal will be fine, I think, once he meets Legion." Tali trotted down the stairs, stopping at the elevator door. "Father expressed concerns." She giggled, Shepard assumed because of the understatement involved. "But when I showed him my suit records from Luna, and he saw how Legion saved us more than once, it seemed to help."
Shepard palmed the elevator control then turned to give Tali her full attention. "Kal? I assume that is the Marine who will be joining us?" The familiar, relaxed way Tali spoke of the new quarian went a long way to easing the gnawing in Shepard's guts.
"Yes." Tali wrung her hands a little. "His name is Kal'Reegar, and he's one of the most experienced Marines in the flotilla."
"You know him well?" Shepard glanced at the elevator as it arrived, the door opening. "You trust him?"
"With my life. He is father's favourite choice to make sure I stay out of trouble when necessary." She shrugged. "But he's both reasonable and practical. A good balance for father's volatility."
"Excellent. I look forward to meeting him." Shepard stepped into the elevator. "Keep your father on a short leash when we get to the Citadel," she said, smiling to lighten her tone. "He gets himself arrested, I'll leave him behind."
Tali chuckled. "I'll make sure to have credits for bail." Bouncing a couple of times on her toes, the quarian took off for the gym.
"Shepard!" Wrex bellowed as she stepped out of the elevator. Waving one massive arm, he beckoned her over.
A bright, genuine grin jumped onto her face when he practically charged her, ushering her over to his stash with a massive arm around her shoulders. Seeing the energy fueling every movement, the inspired fire burning behind his eyes, it made the bright webs of connection glow deep inside her. Nihlus's joke about the house becoming empty rang all too true. She'd broken a long-standing personal directive with the crazy, mismatched members of her team. In a couple of months, she'd come to love them all, and now most of them would be leaving her.
"You're such an idiot," she grumbled under her breath.
She yelped as Wrex welcomed her to his corner of the cargo bay with a slap on the shoulder that sent her reeling into a crate. As she shoved herself back onto her feet, she looked around at all the crates. They took up a good quarter of the space. "What are your plans for all this stuff, Wrex? I'd let you keep it here, but the way we collect strays and equipment, I don't know how long we'll be able to spare the room."
"Someone is meeting us at the dock to take it all back to Tuchanka. She'll keep it hidden until I can get back there and make sure everything gets sent where it needs to go." He harrumphed and boosted his armor higher on his shoulders. "I want every clan to get what is theirs. I won't tolerate clans going to war over great-aunt Charza's gold-plated shotgun."
She grinned, tilting her head as one of her eyebrows migrated for her hairline. "Gold-plated shotgun? This is something that exists?"
He slapped the top of the closest crate, her ears ringing as the bang echoed. "That thing caused four clan wars before it vanished." A throaty cough of laughter rolled from his wide, toothy mouth. "I'd show you, but I've seen the way you attach to guns, Shepard. I'd hate to have to kill you to get it back."
"Aw, come on. Think how hot I'd look toting a gold-plated gun." She struck an impressive pose with an imaginary shotgun, head tilted up, the hero staring out into the stars. "You know you can see it, Wrex."
"I can, Shepard, and it scares me." He slapped her on the shoulder again, nearly dropping her to the floor.
Snatching at his armour, Shepard staggered upright and stepped in close, the grin fading from her face. Lowering her voice, she asked, "So, this person is someone you trust?"
He nodded, his entire body bristling, enlarging in a way that told her that he didn't just trust her, she meant a great deal to him. Whomever she was, he'd defend her to the death. With Wrex, that amounted to the only endorsement Shepard needed.
"I trust her with the future of my people, Shepard. She's a shaman of the female clan." As he spoke, his voice rose in volume and strength until it rang off the bulkheads. "Her life is keeping the females connected to what it means to be krogan, connected to Tuchanka, so that when our people rise again, it's from a foundation of wisdom and strength." He stopped and glanced around as if realizing that everyone could hear him and all that passion amounted to something to be embarrassed about.
Shepard braced a hand against his upper arm. "Sounds like you'll make the perfect team. Please, make sure to introduce us." She gave him a shove that didn't even rock him. "Damn, I need to work out." A quick wink met his throaty chuckle then she struck out for Ashley's corner.
The chief looked up as Shepard approached. "Morning, ma'am." She grinned. "Been hearing some freaky scuttlebutt this morning."
Shepard leaned against the chief's work bench and crossed her arms. "You know better than to listen to scuttlebutt, Ash." Leaning in, she gave the chief a sly, secretive smile. "The truth is so much stranger. The rachni queen helped Nihlus and I sort out the beacon vision. I relived the last few days of the Prothean-Reaper war through the eyes of this remarkable Prothean, Commander Tashac Jacar." She let out a soft cough of laughter. "Wow, that felt a lot like bragging."
Williams stared at her for a moment, then shook her head. "Every day I wake up a little more certain that I took a debilitating head injury on Eden Prime and am in a coma in a hospital somewhere."
Waggling her head side to side a little, Shepard shrugged. "Also a possibility."
Ashley put down the rifle she was working on. "Actually, ma'am, there was something I wanted to talk to you about." She turned to face Shepard, leaning her hip against the workbench as well. "Cerberus sneaking those advanced mechs into the base on Luna . . .." She let out a grumbling sigh. "I've been watching Legion, Tali, and Garrus take those things apart, and they scare me, ma'am." She turned to look at the tables where pieces of the mechs lay spread out. "We have no idea what Cerberus is up to, and if they're capable of tech like that . . . if they're able to create an AI out of what they found in the training base . . .." She shrugged. "Who knows what else they're capable of."
Gratitude hit Shepard square in the chest, nearly disarming her. For all she doubted the ideas of fate or a higher power that orchestrated the universe, could random chance really be credited with bringing that group of unique people together? "You think we should be keeping a closer eye on them?" she asked at last.
"Yes, ma'am." Ash nodded, straightening to military-starched formality. "They're dangerous as hell, and we have no idea what their agenda or allegiance is. We need to get people in there and soon, before the Alliance realizes how dangerous Cerberus really is and screws up planting their own moles."
Shepard nodded, a half smile pulling back one side of her mouth. "You volunteering, Williams?"
Ash jerked back as if Shepard had slapped her. "Me?" After a moment of staring, her jaw hanging slack, Ash's face crumpled into a thoughtful scowl. "Me."
Shepard shifted a little, returning to the same relaxed angle against the bench. "Well, you have a history with a credible reason to resent aliens, while being one of the most loyal Alliance soldiers I've ever met." She stood, wanting to merely plant the seed and let Ash decide what to do with it. "There's no one I would trust more to do it." She squeezed Ashley's shoulder. "We all have choices to make and risks to assume to fight this battle. Maybe this is yours."
Ashley nodded, but Shepard could see that her attention had focused inward. "Yes, ma'am."
Shepard stopped before getting onto the elevator at C-Sec Academy and turned to look over her crew. "Okay, people I want to pull out of here in twenty five hours. You all have your assignments. Get them done quickly so that you can spend some time relaxing. Drink if you must. We have time to get over hangovers in transit." She grinned then jerked her head toward the elevator and stepped out of the way. "Stay together. No one goes anywhere without their group," she reminded them as they hurried past her.
Garrus, Nihlus, Ash, and Kaidan surrounded her, all looking belligerent enough to provoke a jagged laugh. "Nice ambush, guys. You plan this?" She flashed a grin at Kaidan. "Et tu, Sparky?" Her laugh smoothed out as his face blazed fire-engine red.
"That last bit about sticking with your group sounded like really good advice," Nihlus said. Despite the flippancy of his tone, he met her gaze with one sharp as flint.
Funny how his concern provoked a warm glow of affection in her belly instead of making her lash out as she would have even a couple of weeks before.
Getting soft, Shepard.
His brow plates raised, the stare sharpening to the point where she wondered if he suspected the nature of her plan. "Why aren't you taking it?"
"I am taking it. Don't worry, Nihlus, I won't be going anywhere without an escort until you guys meet me right back here in a couple of hours." She winked, and gave him a gentle push toward the elevator. "Go on. Let's get our work done so we can relax. We're right back on the rollercoaster in the morning."
Garrus lingered as the others got in the lift. "Shepard . . .."
"Stop being a worry-wart and watch those three for me."
He stepped closer and leaned down, his back turned to the others as if walling them off. "What about the Council?"
"I'll meet with Udina and then decide. Don't worry, and get moving. You promised me a proper date." She grinned and reached up to brush his cheek.
"Shepard!" Wrex's bellow rang out like the answer to prayer.
"Go on," she prompted, walking Garrus the two steps to the elevator. "I'll have Wrex stick with me until I get to my meeting." She squeezed his hand. "I'll see you in a bit."
Watching him leave, she grinned and shook her head, frustration and gratitude duking it out in her chest. Trying to order Garrus out of his over-protectiveness was like trying to order the seasons to realign. One day, she suspected her tolerance would reach a breaking point where he either had to give it up, or they'd end up in a dual to the death.
Once the doors closed, Shepard spun and strode over to where Wrex waited. Beside him stood a figure almost completely shrouded within multiple layers of clothes. A large flat hat structure covered the top of the individual's head while their entire face, except a pair of large amber eyes, hid behind a veil.
Smiling, Shepard nodded to the newcomer, then looked to Wrex.
The battlemaster stepped forward. "Shepard, this is the Shaman of the female Clan Urdnot," Wrex said, holding a hand out to indicate the shrouded figure. "Shaman, this is Captain Shepard."
Shepard offered her hand, not at all surprised by the strength behind the shaman's grip. Despite being almost invisible behind her wardrobe, she looked every inch a krogan. "I'm very pleased to meet you," she said, flashing a bright smile. "Wrex is an important part of my team, and it's wonderful to meet someone important to him."
Wrex cleared his throat and buffeted Shepard hard enough to stagger her.
"I mean, of course," she sputtered, trying to catch her balance fast enough to preserve a little dignity, "important to his plans for the krogan people."
The shaman gave a single, regal dip of her head as she released Shepard's hand. "Thank you for helping recover these priceless pieces of krogan history, Captain." The female's voice reached down inside Shepard, warm and eloquent, stately and strong. "Wrex has told me of your expectations of the krogan people." She drew herself up, not quite reaching Wrex's stature thanks to lacking his massive hump.
"I . . .." Shepard wasn't sure what she intended to say, the word tumbling out as if to apologize or make an excuse, but then the female cut the air with a hand, and it no longer mattered. If any doubts about the wisdom of encouraging Wrex's unification plans had wormed their way through Shepard's thoughts, the shaman's voice and that gesture—the sheer strength of will that shone through a single hand movement—dissolved the doubts into bright glimmers of hope.
"We will see these things done, Captain. The krogan have never been entrusted with tasks that required them to do more than discharge large numbers of bullets into an enemy. Your trust . . .." Those huge, gorgeous eyes blinked, a gesture just as controlled as the rest. "Your belief in our people will prove to be well founded. Your trust is an unprecedented honour."
At that moment, her pulse pounding hard in her throat, warmth radiating under her skin, Shepard felt herself honoured. She opened her mouth to speak again, but again the shaman beat her to the punch.
"We will allow you to attend to your business, Captain," she said. "I find myself eager to meet the rachni queen." She held out her hand, shaking Shepard's with that same, vice-like grip. "I hope the future provides us the opportunity to get to know one another better."
"So do I." Shepard grinned then shot a wink at Wrex. "Help me keep my word and ride the elevator down with me?"
When he nodded, she headed over to hit the control, allowing him and his amazing, formidable partner a moment. He strode in to stand next to her a few seconds later. "The shaman and me . . . we're not . . .." He huffed for a moment. ". . . anything more than . . .."
Tickled by his discomfort, Shepard grinned. "Not more than what, Wrex?"
He slapped her on the back, sending her reeling into the door.
"Stop that!" She dusted her armour off. "You're going to break something I need." After a moment, she shrugged. "I like her, though. She's tough. A good match for your stubborn, old grouchiness."
He let out a harrumph. "She makes me seem like a cuddly, old lap varren. And that's before she gets angry."
Shepard nodded. "That's because under all that 'grrr argh', you're a big, squishy, old softy." Luckily, the doors opened as she heard his hand coming. Slipping out, she turned back and grinned. "The truth hurts, don't it, big guy?" When he moved to follow her out of the lift, she shook her head. "It's okay. I'm not leaving C-Sec Academy. Head on up and get your business sorted."
A withering scowl answered that, but she just waved and turned away, scanning the crowd, and a crowd it was. C-Sec officers and civilians came and went through a handful of entrances and down hallways leading off in every direction. She glanced at her chrono, praying to the god of punctuality that she wouldn't start the day by making a bad impression.
No, she still had a few minutes to find her target, so set out, weaving through the crowd. God, she hated the Citadel. Well, the Citadel and most anywhere more than three people showed up at the same time. Being short particularly sucked, people walking into her and banging her in the head, especially the turians.
"Shepard!"
She spun, her heart hammering as it jumped into her throat. "Sweet baby Jesus, Garrus! You scared the crap out of me." The exclamation came out harsh and exasperated, but mostly because of the sudden rush of guilt that accompanied his appearance. He'd almost found her out. "I thought you were supposed to be looking after Ash and Sparky."
He strode over, parting the crowd with enviable ease. "We're waiting for a cab." His hand lifted to cradle her jaw. "Come with us. We can endure Udina for a few minutes."
She stared into his eyes for a handful of heartbeats, then let out a long sigh. "Garrus, you're going to mother-hen me to death. Go, look after them and trust me. I have no plans to go running around the Citadel alone." She leaned up to brush a kiss against his mandible. "You and I are going to have to chat about this idea you've got stuck in your brain that I'm too reckless and stupid to take care of myself. I'm a grown woman and your commanding officer, so go, act like it. You can be the boyfriend later."
"Yes, ma'am." He nodded and backed away. "In a couple of hours."
Shepard let out a long, slow breath and glanced at her chrono again. Rapidly approaching being late, she remained in place, watching until he got in the cab with the others and took off. "Don't make it easy to ditch you or anything," she muttered, turning back into the crowd.
By the time she saw familiar colony markings above C-Sec issued armour, claustrophobia had her hands balled into fists, the need to run pounding in her chest and between her eyes, her heart racing like a rabbit being chased by wolves.
"Here goes nothing," she sighed, making a beeline across the lobby. Strong, back straight, smile welcoming, she forced her way through the early morning throng. Her target made her go all the way to him. She pressed her lips tight, squashing the cheeky smile that told him she knew what he was doing, and just held out her hand. It trembled a little, betraying the matching flutter in her belly.
The turian stared at her hand for a long moment before reaching out and taking it. His grip firm, he held on, staring into her eyes as if searching for something. When he let go, she couldn't tell if he'd found it or not, and the nervous flutter turned into her fire-breathing acrobat troupe.
"Hello, sir, Captain Jane Shepard," she said, pleased that the words came out confident. "It's a pleasure to meet you."
He nodded toward a corridor off to her right and held out an arm to usher her that way. "I wish I could say the same, Captain. You'll forgive me if I reserve judgement on that." He set out, maintaining an inviting pace.
She smiled and bowed her head a little. "Of course." She walked at his side, glad she didn't need to chase him. It gave her a little hope for her mission.
He led her past a waiting area and then down another corridor. The surroundings passed her by in a series of vague impressions—wall colour, lots of people in blue uniforms—as she studied the turian walking at her side. Despite his carefully cultivated and formidable aura of command, something about him sent the acrobats out for coffee, allowing her nerves to settle.
"My son looks well," he said.
Shepard's smile widened, a grateful flush warming her cheeks as he opened the conversation. "Yes, sir. He's healthy and fit."
Herros Vakarian stopped at an office door and held out a hand, inviting her to precede him. She did, her gaze slipping over the standard office decor without pausing until she spotted a holo on a shelf. Unable to hold back a chuckle at the gangly teenage turian pictured with his parents and sister, she walked over to look at it.
"Please, take a seat," he said, calling her back.
When she turned to accept his invitation, she saw him watching her with a careful, calculating stare. She walked over, perching on the edge of a chair facing the desk. Air stopped going in and out of her lungs for a moment, the room spinning slowly around her as reality crashed in on her. Only one solution had presented itself to the problem of getting council permission to attack Virmire. Only one door opened before her that gave her hope for saving Nihlus and her crew.
Now, you just need to be brave enough to step through it, Janey. Hopefully the torin on the other side of that desk will help you cross the threshold.
She gestured toward the picture. "Beautiful family," she said, feeling more than a little awkward. Oh God, is that what it amounted to? Her being there? She needed a dad to hold her hand, even if it was someone else's dad?
His eyes narrowed a little, but he nodded and sat. "Yes, they are." He laid his forearms on his desk, his brow plates lowering. "Thank you for messaging me to keep me updated on how Garrus is faring, although, I'm surprised that you'd make the effort considering what you must have heard about me."
Shepard shook her head and met his gaze with an open one. "What I've heard about you, sir, speaks to a father who loves and wants the best for his son, even though you don't always see things eye to eye." She let out a long sigh. Yep, she wanted a dad. "It's also what brings me here. Garrus trusts and respects you with a confidence that I'm hoping I can count on."
The elder Vakarian frowned and leaned back, his forearm braced against the arm of his chair. "Very well, Captain. Why don't you start at the beginning?"
Shepard held out the datapad, but froze before it got close enough for him to take it. The moment of truth. The first step. A little further and she'd be set on her path. Fear and regret formed a small thunderhead in her chest, but she packed it down. The council, Saren . . . the universe had left only one door open. She cracked her neck and leaned forward the rest of the way, passing the datapad over.
"As you know," she said, her voice burrowing its way out, gaining strength as she spoke, "we've been investigating Saren. What we've discovered has been . . . terrifying to say the least. The information on that datapad is everything we've discovered. All our evidence, interviews with key witnesses to Saren's activities, all my logs and mission reports. I'm hoping that after you review them, you'll be able to help me."
He nodded and activated the datapad, but held her stare instead of looking at it. "Why, Captain?"
Shepard frowned and shifted in her chair, that stare pinning her like a bug on a board. "Sir?"
"Why are you coming to me with this?" His head tilted to the other side, but the stare didn't ease up at all, demanding honesty.
A long sigh deflated her a little, the truth coming hard as she forced herself to hear it out loud. "Because I'm about to show my hand, sir, which means that I'll probably be dead by this time next week, and your son . . . the whole galaxy . . . needs someone with the strength and quite frankly, sir, the juice, to help save it."
He stared at her for another minute, then let out a weary sigh and started going through the materials.
. . . which means I'll probably be dead by this time next week . . ..
Fifty thousand kilos of bricks and rock made out of hopes and plans that would never come to pass crashed down on her, crushing all air and feeling and emotion from her in a soft 'oof' of sound. Death loomed over every soldier. At the beginning of her career, she regarded it as a teasing lover that cajoled and dared her to dance as close as she could. As she grew more seasoned . . .. She chuffed silently. Oh, who was she kidding? After Elysium . . . death settled into a silent companion. She no longer courted it, but felt it there like an old friend willing to welcome her home.
Shepard watched Garrus's father read, her eyes wandering over the similarities and differences. Salty tears burned as she saw the torin that Garrus would become one day. The gentle gravity, the passion for what was right undimmed, the honour honed more keenly for having seen the lack of it . . . that all-seeing stare deeper, more intense, and yet more forgiving for the experience of years lived . . . pain suffered and healed. God, she wanted to know that torin, to look into his eyes and see her reflection there.
Blinking quickly, she averted her gaze, staring out the window as she breathed through the pain of the fist clenched around her heart. All those years she'd teased death, tweaking its nose at every turn, but it kept its back turned, not ready for her. Now it opened its arms wide, ready to catch her, and panic screamed in the back of her mind, the urge to run twitching along her nerves like a tick.
And all because you think you might actually have fallen. That's a huge step for you, Janey, but you know that life was never anything meant for you. All possibility of the adoring husband, kids . . . cat and dog sleeping by the fire . . . of that vanished in the forest on Mindoir. Your life has been building to this and nothing but this. It's not a tragedy, not if you can save the rest of them . . . give them all shots at that future.
"You can't go to the council," Garrus's father said, breaking through the voice in her head, interrupting the sorrow and panic enough for her to actually settle into her chair.
She opened her mouth to protest . . . to insist that he believe, but he shook his head, silencing her. She bristled for a fight, but then saw that all suspicion had disappeared from his stare, replaced by concern.
He held up a hand, palm facing her, asking for her forbearance. "I'm sure you don't intend to accuse the council of anything, but they'll know, Shepard. You tell them about Saren, you demand they do something about him, they'll know that you're aware how deeply they're involved." His brow plates arched, and he leaned forward, forearms braced against the edge of his desk. "And you're right, you'll be dead within the week."
Shepard nodded, seeing all of her own regrets reflected back at her from his eyes and expression. They appeared poignant rather than tragic in reflection, and she took a deep, steadying breath. "It can't be helped, sir. Without the council declaring Saren a rogue agent, I'll never be able to take out his base on Virmire. At least, not without turning my crew, the quarians, the geth . . . and possibly even the Alliance into terrorists. I don't have a choice here. If I don't run him to ground, eventually he'll find one of the keys and open the floodgates of armageddon."
The elder Vakarian nodded, straightening a little as if infected by her resolve. "You've been making some strange allies." He set the datapad down. "Krogan, geth, and rachni."
Shepard melted down into the chair as he accepted what she'd shown him. It felt liberating, the millstone hanging around her neck lightening as she shared the burden, at least a little. No one could scrub her half of the horror of what had been done to the Prothean Empire from her head, no one could alter her fate but someone she could trust, someone with the power to make sure the fight continued . . . it helped.
"I've been amassing funds as well, as you saw. If something does happen to me, it will all be transferred over to Garrus's control. He's going to need help. Nihlus will be some help, of course, but if he's not dead as well, he just doesn't have any sort of pull. I'm trying to set things up so that what victories we pull together, the credit goes to people with credibility."
Shepard laughed, but it came out exhausted and resigned. "I've got this planned to survive me, but . . .."
"My son loves you." The hushed words hung in the air, a vaguely worded plea for her survival.
"He fusses over me." She chuckled. "He's a good torin. Annoyingly over-protective, but a very good torin. Luckiest day of my life, the day I walked into Dr. Michel's clinic." A tight-lipped smile accompanied her shrug. "He's going to need you."
Letting out a sigh that sounded remarkably like a growl, he nodded. "I will be there for him . . .." His mandibles fluttered. ". . . and for you as you need me."
A wide, genuine smile spread across her lips. Like son; like father. She took a deep breath and checked her chrono. "Thank you, sir. In fact, I could use an escort to the council chambers. I made a promise that I wouldn't go anywhere alone." Gratitude filled her, sunshine pouring through a break in heavy clouds, making the rain sparkle like falling diamonds. To be believed by someone outside her crew, someone of influence and part of the system . . . it amounted to a mind-boggling gift. A gift that made sure her people would have what they needed to beat the Reapers.
She'd taken the first step, and knowing that no matter what, her people would be okay made it a little bit easier to take the second.
He stood and held out his hand toward the door. "I'll take you wherever you need to go."