"Captain." Rael'Zorah's weak voice reached Shepard over the shuttle's rumble, calling her from her thoughts. "I spoke at length with the admiralty board, and should I pass before our discussion on the planet's surface, they have agreed that Tali is authorized to speak on my behalf."
Shepard looked over at Tali as a small, strangled sound issued through the young quarian's speaker. "Well, let's make sure that she doesn't have to just yet. We're two minutes ahead of the quarian shuttle, and Legion has assured me that they are prepared for our arrival."
"You've got all this organized," Hackett said, but his tone didn't come across derisive. Instead, it sounded thoughtful, as if he hadn't considered her organizational skills quite up to the task but had begun to think differently. Not that she blamed him. Her career amounted to a long series of one-woman shows. No one, including her, could have guessed that leadership would fit so well.
Guessing Tali's excitement, or possibly nervous, level from the amount of wriggling she did in her seat, Shepard turned on the vid screen to allow everyone a view of the planet as they approached. She found herself as enraptured as everyone else as they broke through the clouds and descended toward a high plateau overlooking the ocean.
"Keelah se'lai," Tali whispered.
Rannoch. Whatever Shepard thought she'd see when the hatch of the shuttle opened, what awaited her left her imagination in the dust. A huge, oddly beautiful structure stood built into the cliffs, far too new to be anything but geth design. Further inland, deep in a canyon formed of heavily ribboned rock that shone in a hundred shades from copper to violet in Tikkun's perpetual twilight, a ruin climbed, clean-lined and square up the cliff face. Nestled in front of the ruins on the bank of a fast moving creek stood a neat camp of large tents.
"It's so beautiful," Tali said, her voice hushed and reverent.
"It sure is," Shepard agreed. She stayed in her seat, waiting as Tali and Kal'Reegar stood and stepped to the door. The pair hesitated for a long moment, just staring out at the stone and scrubby, desert plant life that welcomed them home. As they stood there, on the cusp of claiming their new lives, a sharp needle of bittersweet loss stabbed through Shepard's chest. The house would sit so empty soon.
Looking across the compartment, she met Nihlus's eyes, her lips twitching into a crooked smile that disappeared almost instantly. He just held her gaze, understanding looking back.
"Creator Tali'Zorah, Creator Kal'Reegar," Legion called, dragging Shepard's attention away from the Spectre as it strode toward the shuttle. "Preparations are concluded for your arrival." Shepard laughed, quickly clapping a hand over her mouth, as the geth held its arm out like a waiter ushering them to a table. Garrus elbowing her only made matters worse.
The quarians stepped down then, Kal hanging back to allow Tali to be the first quarian to feel Rannoch beneath her feet in over three centuries. After a few seconds, he joined her and they crouched, reaching down to drag their fingers through the dry, sandy soil. After a moment, they looked at one another and laughed, the high, merry laughter of delight that becomes so scarce after childhood.
"It's real," Tali said, her voice saying that she'd been fairly sure the whole thing was some sort of long, involved hallucination. "We're home, Kal." Tali stood, and for a moment, Shepard thought the pair of them might just hug, but then they turned away, looking awkward enough that Garrus chuckled.
The shuttle with the admirals and quarian marines landed a moment later, the occupants a little more cautious as they stepped out the hatch, but no less like youth turned loose in a park once they did. Tali headed over to embrace Shala'Raan then the small group walked over to the edge of the cliff to look out at the water.
Legion and another geth moved Rael'Zorah to a cot near the site for the meeting, then the shuttle returned to the Normandy to pick up the rachni queen and Shiala.
A half hour later, Shepard watched as Tali walked up to the Admiralty Board, poised to present her gift and become a full adult. Grinning at the strength and purpose in the young female's strides, Shepard could scarcely believe that it was the same Tali'Zorah they'd rescued from Fist's office in Chora's Den.
Tali stopped a couple of metres from the admirals and reached up, crossing her arms to touch her fingers to her opposite shoulders before extending her hands out toward her elders. Taking a deep breath, she let out a long sigh that trembled just enough for Shepard to know tears trickled down behind that mask. "After time adrift among open stars, along tides of light and through shoals of dust, I have returned to where I began."
Shepard smiled through her own tears and leaned back gratefully into the hand that pressed against the small of her back. If that was a traditional passage for the pilgrimage ceremony, never before had it been more true or appropriate.
Shala'Raan repeated the crossed arm gesture, but when she extended her arms, she stepped forward to clasp Tali's wrists. "You are welcomed home most joyously, Tali'Zorah nar Rayya," the admiral replied. She appeared to flounder for a moment, no doubt trying to adjust the usual ceremony to apply to such an unusual turn of events. "When our people left these shores, the blessed ancestors kept us alive and sustained us, building a home among the stars so that our children might one day return to walk upon this very soil."
Admiral Zaal'Koris stepped up beside Raan. "Honouring their struggle, over the centuries of the long exile, each member of the quarian people has sacrificed and given freely to ensure that one day the hope of the ancestors would come to pass. To this end, our children went out into the cold and silence, searching to find a token, a gift to prove their dedication to sustaining our people until the day they were able to return home."
Shepard closed her eyes and turned her face into the breeze, inhaling the sharp, spicy scent of the desert. It filled her, warm and comforting, and she smiled before looking back at the ceremony. The quarians had a wonderful planet to come home to.
Shepard leaned into Garrus, looked up into his eyes and whispered, "I knew we should have put a bow around the planet."
Despite his mandible flutter, he elbowed her, a grim nod telling her to be quiet and pay attention. She grinned and did as she was told. For a minute, anyway.
Daro'Xen dragged herself away from staring at Legion and the other geth to step up on Raan's other side. "Tali'Zorah nar Rayya, have you returned to take your place among your people, to uphold and honour all that it means to be a citizen of the quarian homeworld?"
She looked up at Nihlus as the Spectre stood silently on her other side.
"And you thought being my partner would suck," she whispered.
Nihlus elbowed her. "Be quiet and pay attention."
Smothering a laugh, Shepard nodded. "I see how this is going to work."
Tali nodded, drawing herself up tall and straight, her voice losing the earlier tremor. "I return to my people bearing the gift of the cradle that sustained our race from its birth. With it, I bring peace with the geth in the hope that we may discover a shared destiny as brothers and sisters of Rannoch." Tali tilted her head to one side a little, her posture cocky enough that Shepard felt a flush of guilt. "Does my gift meet with your approval?"
"You're a terrible influence," Garrus whispered next to her ear. Shepard just nodded. What could she say? He was right.
"We find your gift most acceptable," Raan answered, her voice light and tinted with sunny hues of laughter. "We name you Tali'Zorah vas Rannoch. As the Admiralty Board of the quarian people, we declare that the designation 'vas Rannoch' shall be passed down exclusively through your progeny to honour your role in ending our long exile." Raan held out her arms, folding Tali into a warm embrace. "Welcome home, Tali'Zorah vas Rannoch, and thank you."
Compared to the gift ceremony, Tali's promotion was a simple affair. Shepard kept an eye on Rael and pushed for them to get to the planning as quickly as possible. He insisted on being a part of it to lend Shepard and Nihlus his support, but she wanted him to have his time lying under the sky with his face uncovered and his daughter at his side.
The geth proved as good as Legion's word, supplying a large table and seats for everyone involved. Shepard settled reluctantly into the seat at the head of the table and watched the others. Anderson and Hackett sat quietly, looking a little like they'd fallen down the rabbit hole to discover quarians and geth wearing giant grins as they offered cakes and strange liquids that insisted on being consumed.
She watched everyone take their places, feeling again that sense of urgency and loss she'd felt when Tali stepped down out of the shuttle. She'd had so little time with them … not enough to know any of them they way she should. She spent her days running from task to task, as if she had infinite time to spend with them once she finished. And then she never finished.
By the end of the day, Tali would be gone as well, moved into the camp nestled in the shadow of the edifice of her ancestors. She'd take her place, leading her people, remembered for a hundred thousand years for that day. Shepard smiled, but it felt sad. Perhaps once the Reapers were thwarted, she would return to Rannoch and help the colonization effort … do a little digging around in ruins. That would make a fine vacation.
Seeing everyone watching and waiting for her, dragged her out of her thoughts, and she stood, suddenly nervous. They needed to eliminate Sovereign. No doubt hung on that. Whether or not she would prove clever enough to pull it off … doubt weighed it down and held it under.
Taking a deep breath, she swallowed the doubt. It did not belong at the table. She looked over to where Shiala sat cross-legged on the ground next to Amalair a good distance away. A quick nod acknowledged them, then Shepard turned to her task. She had a Reaper to kill.
"By now you all know either by experience or by briefing that Saren Arterius discovered a huge dreadnought that he calls Sovereign. It is, in fact, not a ship at all, but a being. The Protheans called them Reapers, for they swooped down on the galaxy fifty thousand years ago, death incarnate, and completely obliterated the Prothean Empire in a monstrous harvest." She took a breath and leaned forward, her palms pressed to the warm metal of the table top. "The Reaper invasion began through the Citadel, which is in fact, a giant mass relay. However, the Protheans also discovered four other major relays that opened to dark space. Each of these relays contained a key."
Over the next half hour she and Nihlus explained how Tashac, Merol, and the Senarium had located and hidden all five keys away then left the information buried in the beacons, preparing for the Reapers' eventual return.
"Saren has used the beacons, and although he has not had the advantage of the rachni queen's ability to decipher the messages for him, he has the cypher and until recently, he had Matriarch Benezia to help him sort through it." She took a slow survey of every set of eyes at the table, pleased with what she saw. "Even if Saren isn't able to get to the Conduit, he will continue to search, tearing his way through the galaxy until he finds one of the keys."
"It's a big galaxy, Shepard," Anderson said, his mouth quirked in the way that told her he was setting her up. "Saren and Sovereign could take out fifty colonies, catching us with our pants around our ankles every time if Eden Prime is any indication. According to this information, the heretic geth did not respond to finding out that Sovereign considered them disposable, so he's still got an army behind him."
Legion tilted its head. "Shepard-Captain, heretic runtimes have begun to contact geth asking for confirmation of the upload from Virmire. Several thousand have asked to return to the consensus. Extrapolating from current data, 94.78 percent of heretic runtimes will be reintegrated or awaiting reintegration with the consensus within the next forty eight hours."
For a moment, Shepard considered walking down there to punch the geth for not telling her sooner, but then she decided that the broken hand probably wasn't worth it. "Thank you, Legion. That's very good news. Saren still has thousands of tank-bred krogan under his command—from the number of tanks we saw, he was creating ten thousand a generation—but losing the geth will hit him hard." She grinned, hard and bright. "Excellent."
"Thousands of krogan?" Hackett asked. He cocked an eyebrow at her. "If he can fly that dreadnought up to any colony and land even five thousand krogan … . Add to that his hatred for humanity, and Anderson's right. He'll destroy every human colony before he even gets warmed up." The admiral shoved himself up in his chair and leaned forward, back rigid as he braced his forearms against the table. "Hell, he might come after Earth."
"Exactly, Admiral." Her smile hardened, setting onto her face like cement. "That's why I want to set a trap, and luckily, Tashac Jacar gave us the perfect means to do exactly that." She sat and leaned forward in a much more relaxed imitation of Hackett's pose. "She was afraid that given fifty thousand years, the Vanguard would find a way to access the Conduit, so she set a plan in motion to protect it."
"Wait," Tali spoke up. "You said she was indoctrinated. How can we know that she didn't actually make it possible for Saren to access the Conduit rather than protecting it from him?"
"We can't." She shrugged, resignation rather than dismissal. "What we can do is set a trap at Ilos to capture Saren and destroy Sovereign when they come to get the Conduit." She smiled and leaned back, arms crossed. "We'll let him know that we don't believe the Conduit is safe and intend to move it to a secure location where we can work on destroying it."
Hackett and Zaal'Koris grumbled, the latter voicing their objection. "Shepard, a dreadnought of that size and firepower. It will take tens of ships to bring it down."
She nodded. "Fleets, and that is where all of you come in. I intend to have two fleets waiting for Sovereign in the Refuge system. With the Vanguard destroyed, it will buy us time to prepare for when the Reapers find another way to return." She let out a long, heavy breath. "And we're going to need every second we can get."
Over the next hour and a half they hammered out details, the planning coming to a halt when Rael'Zorah beckoned Shepard to his side. "My time is nearly done, Captain." He locked wrists with her when she crouched by his side. "Thank you for returning my people to the homeworld, Shepard."
She shook her head. "I didn't do anything. You, Tali, and Legion made this happen."
He chuckled, then coughed weakly. "Tell that lie to whomever you wish, Captain, but those of us here, we know the truth. I would have filled Legion with bullets and thrown its platform out an airlock without giving it a second thought." He squeezed her wrist. "And I would have been wrong." A shallow breath made him appear to collapse into the cot. "And thank you for my daughter: for saving her life and then giving an old fool a chance to repair the damage he'd done."
Shepard nodded, swallowing hard. "It was my pleasure to be your host, Admiral Rael'Zorah. Rest easy knowing that we'll keep an eye on her."
He nodded, then looked past her to Tali. When Shepard stood and backed away, Rael held his hand out for Tali's. "Have them carry me over near the edge of the cliff, my daughter. Will you sit with me, unmasked, to watch the sun set?"
"Of course, Father." She held his hand as Kal'Reegar, Zaal'Koris, Legion, and Shala'Raan lifted his stretcher and carried it to where he could see the ocean. When they set him down, Tali knelt at his side, bending over him to remove his mask. Tender fingers caressed his face before helping him slip off his hood, allowing the breeze to ruffle the short, dark hair on his head. Kal helped the admiral sit up so that Tali could ease in behind him, holding her father as he had surely once held her, leaning against her side in the crook of her arm. After a moment, she reached up, removing her own mask.
Shepard withdrew back to the shuttle and sat in the open hatch, giving them their privacy. Garrus sat next to her and wrapped an arm covertly around her waist, saying nothing, just sharing the last moments of the sunset. She leaned into him, appreciating the silent support as the day cooled toward night.
"Father." Tali's thin cry and quiet sobbing marked Rael'Zorah's passing in the quiet of early evening. Under a sky deepening from indigo to navy, stars peeking out to shine like pinprick diamonds in the abyss, she folded down to hold him in her arms.
Shepard longed to go to her, to wrap her in the comfort of someone who'd faced almost that exact moment: a father who'd died to keep her safe. But it wasn't her place, so she settled for leaning tighter in against Garrus as Shala'Raan and Kal'Reegar knelt at Tali's side. Their comforting touches eased the grieving daughter up off the ground and brought her back to where everyone waited.
Shepard stood when Tali looked up at her, their eyes truly meeting for the first time. Even in her sorrow, Tali's ethereal beauty stole Shepard's breath. Smiling through slow tears and a heart aching in empathy, the captain held out her arms, but then ducked her head a little. "You should probably put your mask back on first."
Tali nodded, slipping back behind the translucent protection before rushing over to wrap arms like steel bands around Shepard. "Thank you so much, Captain," she said, her voice thick with tears. "Thank you for my father and my home." A strong series of hiccoughing sobs broke loose. "He told me he loved me." Her grip on Shepard tightened. "What am I going to do now, Shepard? I'm alone."
"Oh, beautiful girl, you are most definitely not alone. You have Shala'Raan and Kal, and you know that you can always count on me and on the rest of the crew. We're a family. You need anything, all you have to do is call. Wherever we are, we'll come running." Pulling back, Shepard held Tali's shoulders. "You are the bravest, strongest person I've ever known, Tali'Zorah vas Rannoch." She laid her hand alongside Tali's mask. "Take care of your people the way I know you can. Make them a beautiful home to last the ages." She grinned. "And help me kick the Reapers in the ass so we can come back here and sit on the beach, take a good long vacation. Deal?"
Tali chuckled softly. "Deal." She pulled Shepard into a tight hug. "You're the bravest, strongest, most remarkable woman any of us will ever know. Don't forget that."
Shepard returned her hug with a quick one then pulled away, feeling naked and awkward. She stepped back, hastily slapping the wall back up. "We'll be back for a vacation in a week or so. I'd like a tent overlooking the beach, please."
Tali nodded toward Legion who watched them, those expressive head flaps never ceasing their movement. "I'll have our social coordinator take your reservation."
Shepard laughed and lifted a hand to Legion, another friend and trusted companion that would be moving on. "I'll see you and the fleet at the relay in just over twenty nine hours."
He repeated the gesture, his hand lifting to drift slowly back to his side. "The geth will be prepared, Shepard-Captain."
"As will we, Shepard," Tali said. "What ships we can muster will be waiting at the secondary relay for your orders."
"Thank you, Captain." She winked and then nodded toward the shuttle. Behind her, Anderson, Hackett and the others climbed in and took their seats. "I'd better get back and start this ball rolling. We have a Reaper to kill." Backing toward the hatch, she looked around and shook her head. "Quite the home you've got here Tali … Legion. Take good care of it and each other." She lifted a hand in one last wave, biting down on her grief—she hated goodbyes—and stepped up into the shuttle.
Waving a hand to the rachni and Shiala, she called them from their place well back from everyone else. "Come on ladies, the bus is pulling out. It's going to be crowded."
Shepard looked up from her computer as Garrus entered her quarters, then just leaned against the wall, staring at her. She quailed a little under the intensity of his stare. It stripped her bare and crawled inside her, trying to discover everything she wanted—needed—to keep hidden. Her heart stopped between beats, feeling as though blood flowed in only to be trapped, building until the poor, fragile organ exploded. That stare wanted to possess her. It asked for everything, absolutely every tiny piece of her.
"Garrus?" She turned in her chair, meeting his gaze for a moment before she stood and took a hesitant step toward him. "What's going on?"
He let out a long breath and shook his head. "What you did today … what you've done since the day we met … ." He shook his head again then pushed off the wall and strode toward her with purpose. "You perform miracles as if they were everyday occurrences, Shepard. You're a miracle; a tiny, ornery, crazy, beautiful miracle." He reached out to cradle her head between his hands, his brow plates lowering into a considering sort of scowl. "What did I ever do to earn you in my life?"
Shepard flinched back a little, but then long arms wrapped around her, lifting her off the floor to press her against the right side of his chest. His mouth moved along her jaw, his breath hot and ragged, his tongue sliding along the underside of her jawbone, hungry and possessive. "You're a goddess," he whispered when he reached her ear. "The spirits of war and peace and compassion and justice all tangled up inside that tiny body."
Bracing her hands in the curve of his neck as it swept down inside his cowl, Shepard pulled back. "Garrus?" Her heart beat against her ribs, a frenzied prisoner trying to smash a hole through the cell wall as the executioner entered the door. "Please." Tears leaked from the corners of her eyes, her belly watery and trembling, threatening to embarrass her. Guilt trickled through the fear as he drew back, releasing her as though she slapped him, letting her slide down to the floor.
He hasn't done anything to deserve this reaction, Janey. The torin wants you. What's wrong with that? Would you rather not inspire any passion in him?
Sorrow bit deep. She backed up a few centimetres, until her back thumped against the bulkhead, then looked up to meet the confusion and hurt in his eyes. Holding out a hand, she invited him back into her space, but at a distance.
Welcome to your life with Jane Shepard, Garrus. I'll pull you in but only so that I can hold you at arm's length.
He moved past her stopping point, leaning in to touch his brow to hers. "I'm sorry, Shepard, I shouldn't have come at you so fast." Sighing, he tilted his head to nuzzle her nose. "I just … . Spirits, you make me feel so damned much."
Shepard brushed her lips against his mouth, then leaned back against the wall, keeping her eyes focused on his chest. "I know, C-Sec." She sighed at the old habit, and ran her hands down the panel of his tunic. "I mean Garrus. I'm just … ."
He nodded, caressing her cheek with the backs of his talons. "I know you're scared, Shepard." Leaning in, he nuzzled along her neck, flicking his tongue in the hollow between her collarbones. "But you also know I'd never do anything to hurt you." Nuzzling and nipping gently, he explored his way to her shoulder.
She pushed him back a little. "I'm not ready, Garrus." She pressed her forehead against his keel. "I don't know if I ever will be."
Sighing, he pulled her in tight. "Okay. You know it's okay. Come talk to me, Kahri. Let's sit down and actually talk, see if we can start getting someplace that doesn't scare you."
Afraid he'd feel her heart hammering against the plates on his chest, she pushed him back. "Talk about what, Garrus? How screwed up I am? How badly broken I am?" She tried to duck around him, but he put his arm up, hand pressing against the wall to block her. Fury scorched through her, burning away the fear, or at least transmuting it into something more volatile. She wiped her palms against her trouser legs, then stuffed her fingers into her front pockets, drawing her shoulders up, all angles and spines.
"No, I don't want to talk about how broken you are, because you aren't broken, Shepard. Terrified of trusting, of allowing yourself to let go of control, or being vulnerable, yes, but never broken." His long talons massaged her shoulders, the contact warm, asking her to relax. For a moment, her shoulders succumbed, but then she twisted away, only to run into the wall of his arm.
"Please just let me go."
He didn't move his arm, but leaned back a bit, taking some of the pressure off her. "No. I know you care about me." He tucked a stray bit of hair behind her ear, the gentleness of that gesture almost undoing her. "If you trust me for one second, I won't let you down." He leaned in, touching his brow to hers. "We could start with these … ." He slipped his hand under her uniform and traced the pads of his talons over her scars. "You could tell me how you got these."
Shepard shoved his hand away. "Stop pushing, Vakarian." The room seemed to fill with screams; shrill, terrible wails of pain and fear and helplessness. "Don't you understand that the walls I built between me and those memories are all that keep me sane? Why do you want to tear them down? Why do you all insist on making me relive it? Do you want me to fall apart? To turn into a drooling idiot?" She lunged against his arm, bursting through it like she would a old door, swollen and stuck.
He followed, dogged, unrelenting to the point of chipping away enough of her control that it was all she could do not to haul off and punch him. "You know that's the last thing I want, Kahri. Those walls aren't keeping you sane, they're keeping you safe." A soft keen trembled through the air between them. "At least, you think they are, but they're eating you alive a centimetre at a time."
"Could you live with the memories of being whipped and beaten and raped endlessly for over a day rattling around inside your head, Garrus?" She held up a finger to interrupt his reply, ignoring the fact it shook so hard that it looked as though she were scolding him. "And the horrendous things they did to me aren't the worst of it." Her hand slumped in slow motion to her side. "Everyone you love caged, screaming and begging … in pain … your father's heart breaking before you because you're the very best weapon they could use against him."
She leaned into the table, hands braced against the top, head hanging. "Why is it so important to you that I drag all this out?" She looked up into his eyes without raising her head. "Could you be with someone so soiled? Really?"
His face fell, his expression so painfully sad that it made her breastbone ache. "Yes," he said, his voice barely a whisper. "There is no taint on you, Shepard. It's on the animals who hurt you. Never you." He strode over and took her by the shoulders, turning her away from the table none too gently. "Is that why you refuse to talk to me about this? You think I'll turn my back on you? That I'll think less of you?"
Shepard backed up, tugging at his grip as she edged away. "How could you not? I can barely stand to touch my own damned skin." She wrenched loose and spun, stalking over to the desk. "All of that stuff is one giant ball of shit waiting to stink up everything in my life. Don't you get it, Garrus? Everything I touch blows up, eventually. It can't help but turn to crap, not when … ." She left the rest unsaid, just shaking her head, her arms curling around her waist.
Garrus let out an exasperated sigh, his footsteps heavy on the decking as he followed her. "Spirits, you've got so many wires crossed that I'm amazed anything coherent gets through that mess." He pressed his hand between her shoulder blades. "I want you, Shepard. All of you. Not this pretty part over here, or that intelligent spark over there. All of you. I'm willing to work through the crap." She felt him shrug through the contact. "I thought I'd been pretty clear about my intentions."
She turned and pressed her back against the wall, keeping her eyes firmly fixed on his chest. "Jesus Christ, C-Sec … you must be fucking desperate for some action. Seriously, how bloody horny and pathetic do you have to be to want to wade into this quagmire?" A quick glance at his face, at the hurt in his eyes, slid a scalpel-sharp stiletto between her ribs and straight through her heart.
Taking a deep breath, she swallowed that pain. She needed to keep going, for his own damned good.
"Fine, you want me? You want to wade into the shit?" Shepard slid down the wall into a crouch, fumbling with the fasteners on his leggings, her movements frantic, edged with ice and black with fear … and with sadness. Better to break everything apart before they got in any deeper. "Is this what you want, C-Sec? Oh yeah, I think I remember how this goes. It was a long time ago, but I'm sure I can figure it out."
He reached down and grabbed her arms, dragging her to her feet, pressing her against the wall. "Shepard, stop it. Stop it." He stroked her cheek with a gentle hand. "You know … ."
"No? That not what you're looking for?" She shoved him back with enough force that hitting the side of the bed sat him down. Furious, frantic hands tore her uniform off over her head and threw it onto her desk.
"Shepard!" He jumped up and tried to grab her. "Stop!"
She threw him back with two hard jabs to the belly, punching him with a strength she saved for battle. It bought her enough space to kick off her boots and get her trousers undone. Bile erupted into her mouth, making her gag. She swallowed hard, her mouth sour and burning as she shoved her pants to the floor, stomping her feet clear of them. Holding her arms out to her sides, she stepped toward him. "How about this? This is what you want right?"
She grabbed his cowl, pulling him across the space until she ran into her desk. "Just spout some beguiling rhetoric, pin the girl up against the nearest thing, or wait … bend her over it … . Is that what you want? Prefer to not look them in the eye?" Her voice trailed off, slow tears forcing their way from the corner of her eyes as the bitter taste in her mouth spread into her chest. Ugly and insidious, the fear's taint radiated, black mold tendrils slithering through her flesh until they penetrated her soul. A harsh, gagging sob escaped, surging from her throat. "It's what they all want, right?"
Letting out a long, slow sigh Garrus leaned in, pressing his brow to hers. His eyes closed, and he shook his head. "No, Shepard. It's not what they all want." A gentle hand pressed against her neck. "It's definitely not what I want." Pulling back, he stared into her eyes, reaching up to pull his visor off with an impatient tug. He tossed it over on top of her uniform.
"This … ." He gestured down at her body. "I only want this, Kahri, when it comes because this … " He pressed his hand over her frantically racing heart. "… belongs to me, and you love me so hard that you ache for it." Shrugging, he reached up and brushed the tears from her cheeks. "And if I have to wait twenty cycles or a hundred for that, I'll wait." He let out a whistling sigh. "And if it turns out that you ache to give it to someone else, I'll find a way to live with that decision, somehow."
Shepard stared at him for long moments, the passage of time counted in heartbeats. The sorrow and the patience in his eyes reached down inside her, taking hold of the fear and crushing it until it bled tears of pure remorse. Such a beautiful soul. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down to hug him tight. "Oh god, Garrus, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"You don't need the shields with me, Shepard." He rubbed her back, his hands rough and so very warm. "I'm not going to hurt you."
She sniffed and turned her face into the curve of his neck. "Everybody does eventually, Garrus."
"Not me." He pulled back, taking her shoulders to push her away. "Not me."
Reaching up, she pressed her hand against his cheek. "Why can't I drive you away?"
His mandibles spread and fluttered as he looked down at the floor, his smile suddenly shy. After a second, he met her eyes again. "Because I've fallen in love with you, Kahri." He stepped back, and turned away, walking over to her closet. He took out a t-shirt and shorts, then tossed them to her. "Get dressed. I'll go find us some food."
Shepard stared at him, her heart alternating between stopping completely then pounding so fast it felt like it would punch right through her ribs and chase after him as he walked out the door. Running her teeth over her bottom lip, she sniffed, staring at the door for over a minute after it had shut behind him.
"Sweet baby Jesus," she whispered, the words barely more than a sigh. "He loves me."