Trigger warning for the third paragraph here. Graphic depiction of violence.

"Shepard?" Joker's voice came over the medbay intercom, waking Shepard out of a fitful doze.

Terrible, glowing eyes stared into her soul, consuming it in their fire. Despair. You've done nothing but delay the inevitable. Thousands like you. Thousands fight. Thousands fall before us, their minds enslaved, turning on the very people they struggled to save. Your god has abandoned you, Jane Shepard. It left you to the batarians—

A piercing whistle and then a vicious crack just before the lash sliced into her flesh, carving a deep enough gash into the backs of her thighs that the end snagged. The gravelly voice laughed as he tore it loose, her screams and whimpers just fueling his vicious gluttony. "That's right, little girl. Cry out for your god. Does it answer? Does it save you?"

—and it has left you to us. We will not be as merciful as they were. The voice filled her head with a ringing that threatened both her eardrums and her sanity.

"Captain?"

Jumping up, heart hammering against her ribs, sweat beading across her lip, Shepard let out a thin moan of pain. As the medbay crystallized into focus, a trembling sigh escaped her lips, dry and futile … a corpse's last breath, and she eased back down onto the bed.

"Captain? Shepard, are you there?"

Shepard scrubbed at her face with a hand. Why was he calling over the intercom? She reached up to tap her radio and found nothing. Oh right, the Conduit exploding had blown her implants. At least that explained the constant ringing in her ears. She made a mental note to get them replaced before they left the Citadel in the morning.

"Yeah, Joker. You found me, what's up?" She glanced at the regen cage around her shoulder then over at Chakwas who sat slumped back at her desk, looking as if she'd given in to sleep as well. Well, that's what the doc got for insisting on holding prisoners. If Chakwas didn't let her go and soon, missing a little beauty sleep would be the least of her problems. Oh yes, rebellion loomed, becoming a very real possibility.

"The council called. I asked if they wanted to be put through, but they just demanded that you and Nihlus meet them at 1100 hours Citadel time tomorrow in the garden by the relay monument. Dress uniform." The pilot's tone came across as suspicious as the orders made her feel.

"They didn't mention needing a blindfold and a cigarette, did they?" Despite the joke, she felt very real boulders of doom rolling toward her, set to crush her flat.

"No, ma'am, but you might want to take them with you anyway. And a small squad. And your guns. And maybe the Normandy should be sitting there with our cannons locked on them."

Shepard chuckled, but it tumbled out sharp-edged, bitter, and unconvincing. "Thanks, Joker. Shepard, out."

A shard of dread took root, sending tendrils of uncertainty worming through her steel, weakening it. Letting out a long, shaky sigh, she sank into the massive pile of pillows under her re-injured shoulder. What did the summons the next day mean? Good news? Bad news? She didn't possess the faintest clue how the council would react to Sovereign's destruction. Perhaps the vanguard's destruction loosened the Reapers' hold over the council. Maybe they had a chance to find the orbs, destroy them and get everyone fighting.

And maybe Reaper back up plans sprang into action even while she lay there. They'd destroyed the Conduit, but four other keys remained. What resources did the Reapers still possess, and how long would it be before those resources began to make their move?

If she was certain of one thing, it was that she and her people needed to find and destroy the rest of the keys, or use them to stop the Reapers before they could manage their invasion. But first, her people needed a break. She'd run them ragged, and they'd impressed the hell out of her, holding up better than she could have expected. They deserved some beach time or shopping time, or whatever before they jumped back into the fire.

She sighed. But, before that, and before she risked going before the council, she had one important thing to do.

She opened a channel to the bridge through her omnitool. "Hey, Joker. Have the crew assemble in the cargo bay at 0830, please. We have some friends to send on their way. Ask Anderson and Hackett to attend if possible."

"Aye, aye, ma'am. I'll pass the word."

"Thanks. Shepard, out." She closed the channel and wriggled her shoulder. It hurt but moved just fine. "Hey, Doc, throw a battered soldier a bone, and let me out of this damned thing. I need to go get some sleep."

Chakwas started awake, looked around and then sighed. "You're impossible. Are you aware of that?" She grumbled as she pushed herself up out of her chair, but it was a wasp with no sting. "Of course you are. Only someone completely impossible could pull off the things you have in the past few months." She ran her omnitool over Shepard's side and tutted, but then turned the frame off. "Very well, but when you're up and moving, keep this arm in a sling. You've tried to tear it off twice now. Give all those ligaments and tendons time to knit."

Shepard touched two fingers to her temple, then swept them around in a teasing salute. "Yes, ma'am, Admiral Doctor, ma'am."

Chakwas unlatched the frame. "Completely impossible."

They both looked to the door when it opened. Garrus stepped inside, a brilliant shaft of light through the darkness. He paused, staring at her like he hadn't seen her in a week rather than a couple of hours. Lifting her good hand, she held it out to him, .

"Hey there, hero," she said, her cheeks heating with the intensity of his stare. Sweet baby Jesus, she loved the way he looked at her. It incinerated the darkness and warmed her all the way to her toes.

"I think you've got that backwards." He closed the few steps between them, his long talons wrapping around her hand. "You're the hero. You and Nihlus." He let her pull him in, mandibles spreading in a butterfly-wing fragile smile. As if the doctor weren't there, he leaned down and kissed her ... a passionate, eyes closed, toe curling kiss.

She returned it, the butterflies all travelling down into her belly setting off a riot as her lips caressed his mouth. "No, today you're my hero," she whispered, brushing her nose against the end of his in what her daddy had always called bunny kissing. "You searched for me for nearly ten hours." Her head tipped toward her shoulder in a shy shrug when he pulled away, surprised. "Tali ratted you out before she headed back to the flotilla."

Reaching up, she caressed his cheek. "I'm no hero, Garrus. I just told the fleets when to shoot. Today belongs to everyone who showed up." Leaning up, she kissed him again. "Thank you for finding me. I wasn't ready."

He wrapped an arm around her, long talons stroking slow, soft circles over her bruised and battered back . "Today I learned how you felt on Virmire when things went to hell. I don't know how I'm going to live through that on a regular basis."

She rested her head on his shoulder. "I know, but it has its upsides. Like now." Her hand slipped around his neck, holding him close. "Besides, I don't intend too many repeats of today." Pulling back a bit, she looked around. "Or is it yesterday by now? How long have I been languishing in the doc's care?"

"Languishing," Chakwas repeated, the word vinegar tart. "You'd think I run some sort of internment camp." She walked over to a cupboard and removed a sling. Helping Shepard strap her arm into it, the doctor looked up at Garrus who'd drawn back a couple of metres. "Make sure this stays on when she's not in bed or the shower. And, no sparring or beating up on gym equipment for a couple of days."

"Yes, ma'am," Garrus replied, his mandibles giving a hard flick as he looked down at Shepard. "I have her well in hand."

Shepard opened her mouth to protest, but the doctor sliced the air with a hand, cutting it off. "Out!" Chakwas commanded. "Get out before that battle begins." Despite her words, she snagged Shepard's hand when the captain slid down off the bed. "Thank you, Captain. You've done a remarkable thing."

Shepard ducked her head in an embarrassed nod of thanks and made a break for the door. Outside medbay, it looked like the entire crew had assembled. She stopped dead. "I sense a trap."

"Let's hear it, people," Ashley called. As one, they all snapped to attention, saluting. The chief led them as they hollered out. "Here's to us. Whose like us?"

Shepard blinked back tears and swallowed hard as they waited for her to reply. She raised the blade of her hand to her brow. "Damn few, and they're all dead."

"Oorah!" the crew replied as one, snapping their salutes..

She finished her salute in answer. The earlier feeling of sorrow and dread crept back, allowing no room for victory, but she plastered a brave face over chilled, stiff reality. For them, she could spend a few moments playing pretend. They needed the win to give them heart for the long years of waiting and preparation that lay ahead.

She stepped into Garrus's side a little, needing that bulwark at her back. "Thank you. No captain could have asked for a crew with more courage or more heart. I'm honoured that you've stuck with me. You've all performed above and beyond the call since Eden Prime, and we did it. We stopped the Reapers, set their timetable back long enough to give the races a shot."

Her smile warmed as she looked from Sparky to Wrex, Shiala, and even Pressly. They had given her everything, in some cases, their lives. "I know you're tired, but don't worry, as soon as we wrap things up here in the next couple of days, we're heading for the biggest beach and most fantastic resort that we can find. Massages and suntans for all." Answering their cheers with an eager nod as Garrus's arm tightened around her, she said, "I'll be taking suggestions … " Her hands jumped up, palms slamming back the torrent of destinations. "… but not until tomorrow." She managed a genuine chuckle. "Right now, I'm going to bed. Good night, everyone, and thank you, again." She stood at attention, giving them the crispest salute she could manage considering her crushed left side.

Spying Nihlus sitting at the top of the stairs up to the sleeper pods, she saw that she wasn't the only one feeling the cost rather than the result. He'd lost everything fighting Sovereign. A stiletto-sharp ache lanced through her. Sometimes life just wasn't fair or just or kind. She swallowed the yearning and nudged Garrus, nodding toward the Spectre. "I'm going to take a minute."

He glanced Nihlus's direction then nodded. "Yeah, I'll see you in there." Garrus bent down to nuzzle her cheek, grumbling at the catcalls and whistling as he pulled away. "Whatever. Move along," he groused good-naturedly. "There's nothing to see here, you bunch of gossiping old ladies."

"Move along?" Kaidan laughed. "Flashing back to your time at C-Sec, Officer? Going to bring out the taser and tear gas?" He puffed himself up. "You have unlawfully witnessed me kiss my girlfriend, you're coming down to headquarters … after resisting arrest."

Garrus towered over the human. "Well, I don't know, Lieutenant, are you about to cause a public disturbance?" After a second, Garrus laughed and then started herding the wounded officer toward crew quarters. "What are you doing out here rabble-rousing anyway? Aren't you supposed to be in your rack?"

Shepard just shook her head at the grumbling about doctors that followed. Dr. Chakwas really did have a thankless job.

Wrex stopped Shepard on her way across the mess. "Shepard. Hell of a thing you pulled off." He thumped one ham-sized fist into the other palm and let out a small roar. "Especially considering you didn't take me along." He buffeted her gently then cleared his throat. "Barla Von secured me a ride back to Tuchanka. It leaves tonight, so it looks like my vacation will be cracking heads back home." His long, slow chuckle told her that he didn't mind in the least.

She slapped the brave smile back up and nodded, but felt another piece of herself fall away. How many empty holes would it take before she went back to the woman who'd boarded the Normandy less than three months before? God, how she hated that thought. "I'm going to miss you, Wrex. You've been like that uncle that everyone at family reunions warns you about." She leaned up and kissed his cheek. "Good luck, and keep in touch. We've got a lot of work ahead of us."

He held out his hand, squeezing hers in a bone-crushing grip when she took it. "I hate goodbyes, so I'll see you later, Shepard. Thank you. The krogan might just have a future because of you."

"Because of you, Wrex." A genuine smile warmed her face, her head tipping toward her shoulder again. "I just gave you a lift." She nodded toward the elevator. "Let me know when you're ready to show me around Tuchanka. I hear it's the must see destination on the bombed, radioactive wasteland tour." She gave him a companionable shove. "See you soon." She bit down on her lip and took long breaths as she watched Wrex walk over to say goodbye to Ash and Garrus.

Nihlus remained sitting at the top of the stairs, those emerald eyes watching her with a stare of almost palpable misery. The mess had all but cleared out as she hobbled up the stairs, holding her hand out as she neared the top.

"Help an old lady out, son?" She squeezed his fingers as he helped her up the last few, steadying her as she turned and lowered herself next to him. Letting out a heavy sigh of pain, she slouched into his side. "Hey."

"Hey." He released her hand and wrapped a careful arm around her waist. "How are you feeling?"

She took an inventory and shrugged. "Not too much pain, actually. I give her a hard time, but the doc always pieces me back together pretty well. How about you? Did you come through without being bent, broken, or spindled?" Leaning into his side, she let the sadness and the dread loose. They should be relieved. They should feel … maybe some pride … in one another and themselves. Relief would also be appropriate. They'd bought the galaxy time to prepare. Vindication also seemed like something she should be feeling. Everything they'd said from beginning had been proven true. So ... why the dragging weight?

"You feel it too?" he asked, after a couple of seconds. He looked over at her then jumped up and held out his hand. "Can we do this somewhere the entire galaxy isn't watching?" The pleading in his eyes set off her cruelty alarm.

"No." She took his hand, tugging gently. "Sit back down, I can't pull on you." When he did as she asked, she laced her fingers with his talons. "Nihlus, we're both mourning, and they're both mourning. It would be a huge mistake for us to be alone. I don't want to do and say things that are going to hurt you." She bumped him with her shoulder and blinked back the stinging glassiness in her eyes. "And I'd have to. You know I'd have to."

She shoved all the different longings from different sources back behind the wall and slammed the door, chaining it tight. "We can talk tomorrow after we've had a chance to sleep, and let the wounds scab over a bit." Turning to face him, she kissed his cheek. "I'm sorry about Saren, Nihlus. All of it. You deserved so much better, but he came through for you in the end." She squeezed his hand. "Thank you for being there with me through all this." A sad tightening of her lips answered the faint ache that squeezed her heart. "We're a team, right? Partners."

He nodded and turned into her, drawing her into an awkward, careful hug. "Partners." He stood and then reached back to help her up. "Until this is all done, one way or another."

She smiled, the first easy one, as she braced herself, holding her left side as still as possible and levered her way up. "It's a deal. Sleep well, we've got to deal with the council in the morning."

"Yeah, that should be … ." He shrugged. "Interesting?"

Shepard leaned on his arm as he helped her down the stairs. "Sure, let's call it that." At the bottom, she drew away from his arm, stepping toward her door. "Goodnight, Nihlus. See you in the morning."

"Keep that on," Garrus said, growling softly as she walked in the door to her quarters.

Shepard stopped trying to wriggle out of the sling holding her arm tight against her body, and let out a long, dramatic sigh. "Fine, doctor's pet." She put on her best pout, but it broke when he laughed and shook his head.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, he held out his arms. "Don't worry. I'll look after you." When she took his hand, he pulled her in and wrapped his arms around her. He turned his face into the curve of her neck, his breath warm as it tickled the fine hairs on her skin.

Shepard grinned and sat on his thigh. "You'll tuck me in and read to me?" Slipping her good arm around him, she leaned into his side, resting her head on his shoulder.

"Let me finish getting dressed—put some padding between you and my plates—and that's what we'll do." Lifting his head, he pressed his mouth against hers, nuzzling her lips softly.

"No." Shepard pulled away and ran the flat of her hand along the smooth surface of a chest plate. "I don't need it. I don't want anything between us." She kissed him then pulled back to look into his eyes. She really did want to feel him against her skin, to feel his warmth without the safety fence between them. "Is that okay?"

Reaching up, he slipped off his visor and tossed it behind them on the bed. When she lifted her hand to caress the brow plate that remained perpetually hidden behind the visor, he closed his eyes and leaned into her hand. "You know it's more than okay, Kahri." He wrapped his arms around her, almost cradling her in their length. "I'm looking forward to taking a couple of days and spending a little time without the entire galaxy listening at the door."

Letting her body melt into his strength, Shepard nodded. "Yeah. We're going to have a long road. Give everyone a week shore leave … give them a chance to decompress." Smiling, she brushed his mandible with a chaste kiss. "Give us a chance to decompress."

"Um, Shepard?" His hand slipped under her sling to rub her back. "I sort of promised my mother and sister that I'd go back to Palaven for a few days to see them." He ducked his head, his mandibles fluttering. "I told them I had someone I wanted them to meet."

Shepard pressed her lips together in a deep, considering frown and nodded. "I'm sure Nihlus would love to meet your family." She squawked as he nipped her neck, laughing at the low growl that accompanied it. After a few seconds of yelping and kicking as he nuzzled his way down her throat, she pulled back and looked into his eyes, affection bleeding through … oh hell, who was she kidding … love bleeding through the stare. "Well, I suppose we can ditch the Normandy for a few days. I think we've earned it."

He held the stare, barely moving as he nodded. "Okay." He rubbed her back. "Thank you, Shepard."

"Of course." Shepard swallowed a sudden tightness in her throat. "It'll be fun." She pulled in a quick, deep breath that she immediately regretted as her left side complained. Jumping up before he could see through her, she said, "Let's get into bed. I feel like it's been half a lifetime since I got a decent night's sleep." She stood, ducking out of her sling and folding it on her way to the closet for her t-shirt and shorts.

Pulling out her standard nighttime uniform, she stared at it for one of the longest minutes of her life, an entire troop of fire-breathing elcor acrobats tumbling around in her guts. After a second, she put the t-shirt back. She'd meant it when she didn't want anything between them.

That day, she'd faced down a gigantic metal monster, taken out a rogue cybernetic Spectre, and staved off the destruction of an entire galaxy. Surely, she could find the courage to crawl under the blankets next to the most remarkable male in the galaxy and feel the warmth of his plates against her skin.

Behind her, she heard him rustling around with the blankets, cursing the hard mattress under his breath as he did every time. She chuckled and changed quickly. Standing there, facing her closet, she struggled to keep herself from clapping her arms over her chest. He'd seen her breasts before. Granted, they had been somewhat distracted at the time. Turians didn't even eroticize breasts … well, except maybe asari ones. Still, she didn't want to open the door a crack just to slap a barrier over it.

She turned around and chuckled. She needn't have worried about it. He lay there, his elbow over his eyes. "Garrus?" She looked down, a wide smile brightening her face.

"Mm?"

"What are you doing?" She leaned down and swatted the knee that he'd drawn up. "Look at me." When he still didn't remove his arm, she sat next to him and lifted her leg onto the mattress so she could face him. "Come on, Garrus. Look at me." She reached out and placed a hand on his hip. "Please."

So slowly that he might as well have been in slow motion, he lowered his arm and opened his eyes, staring straight into hers.

"Better." She smiled down at him, reaching out her good hand. When he took it, his talons lacing into her fingers like a man clinging to a life preserver in heavy seas, the tempest raging inside her belly stilled. "You're nervous?" she asked, her smile softening. Tenderness eased all the tension and even the pain, probably because she stopped holding herself mech stiff.

His mandibles dropped as he nodded. "Of course I am. I told you, Shepard. I worked. All the time. The guys at work gave me a plaque for the most women scared off."

Shepard choked on a laugh. "Sweet baby Jesus, Garrus." She lifted his hand to her lips and kissed the backs of his talons. "Those women don't have a clue what they're missing, and praise the Enkindlers that they don't. I'd really hate to be forced to kill them." She took a deep breath and untangled her fingers from his, turning his hand to press the palm against her stomach. "I might be about the most terrified woman in recorded galactic history, Garrus, but never of you."

He sat up, bending to kiss her, pulling her in gently. After a second, he drew back and looked down. "Spirits, Shepard." He chuckled and reached up to trace the pad of a talon over the mottled mass of bruises covering her left side. "You're a mess." Meeting and holding her eye contact for as long as he could, he bent to nuzzle the bruises on her shoulder and arm.

"Yeah, a presidium fell on me." She grinned when he scoffed.

"A small platform and parts of a Reaper artifact. Hardly the entire Presidium." Gentle talons combed through her hair. "Come on, get into bed." He laid down on his side and reached over to pick up the book.

Shepard curled in next to him. "Do the voices." She propped herself up on enough pillows to stop her shoulder from complaining and laid her head in the curve of his shoulder.

He sighed and grumbled, but she could hear the smile in his voice. "I don't want to do the voices. Just be quiet and listen."

"Come on, you've got to do the voices." She thumped him in the side with her elbow. "Don't be such a poop." Chuckling, she burrowed in tight, turning to kiss him as his large, warm hand slipped around her to lay over her ribs.

"I'm not going to entertain everyone in the mess with stupid voices." He kissed her brow and cradled her deeper in his arm. "Behave and shush." Reaching over her, he rifled through the pages. "Where were we?"

Shepard closed her eyes to listen, his warm, rumbling tone wrapping her in a thick blanket of safety and love. She drifted, wanting to cling to the moment, to savour what the past few days had made her realize could be their last time together, but her body insisted.

His thumb caressed the hollow between her ribs, talon moving slow and gentle. "I'm falling asleep," he whispered, his voice low and heavy on the subvocals as his reading faltered for the second or third time.

She sighed, her words chasing it out. "Me too." Wriggling in closer, she kissed his mandible.

"Get any tighter in, you're going to be on the inside of my plates." He chuckled.

"I'm okay with that." Just before she drifted off, she forced her eyes open. "Garrus?"

"Mm?" He turned his face to nuzzle her hair.

Suddenly, panic pricked her, a faint nettle sting against the heaviness of sleep. She could have died that day, and he'd never have known so many things … the most important being … . "I have a baby sister. The batarians took her. If anything happens to me, promise me you won't let Anderson stop looking for her." She yawned. "And Martin. Someone has to look out for that kid. He's trouble."

He took a long, sharp breath, the air stirring her hair. "I promise." He rolled over, his arms gathering her in against him. Pulling the blankets up around her neck, he nuzzled her brow. "I'll look after Martin if it comes to that. Go to sleep. I've got you."

She nodded. "Thank you." The words came out slow and barely audible as she finally gave in and let sleep drag her out to sea.