June 27, 2015
The sun was hot for June, the weather reaching the 90s, and Olivia and Rafael were walking down the street. In the few weeks that past during their heart to heart conversation, the two of them had been finding excuses to hang out more. Rafael was in jeans and a polo, and Olivia was in a summer dress and flip flops walking Noah to the park. Noah had been slowing down in the hot sun, and Rafael picked the little boy up, holding him close so they could make it to the shade trees faster.
Olivia had put Noah in the swing and pushed him. He giggled like crazy, and Olivia and Rafael smirked at each other.
They didn't stay too long. If the sun wasn't bad enough, the humidity makes it worse, and Rafael suggested ice-cream.
Olivia grabbed two cones expecting to share hers with Noah, and got a spoon. Olivia and Rafael had been on the subject of relationships.
"So, you haven't been out on a date since Brian?" Rafael asked.
Olivia looked at him.
"Who has the time? Besides, I don't see a girl anywhere," Olivia claimed.
Rafael laughed.
"True, it's just I'm used to it, it's been a long time I've even thought about dating," Rafael admitted.
"Well, before you know it…" Olivia claimed.
"Like you have any room to talk, you're slightly older than I am," Rafael claimed.
"I already have someone in mind.' Olivia claimed.
Rafael looked at her.
"Who?" Rafael smiled.
"It's complicated an old friend that I should have taken a chance with years ago," Olivia admitted.
"And why aren't you doing that now," Rafael asked.
"As I said, Rafa, it's complicated, and he's not even in the city right now. I have been patiently waiting," Olivia claims.
"Does he know?" Rafael asked.
"Not exactly I mean he and I well, he was married, and I there was a lot going on, and his ex-wife already thought we had a thing going on, but we didn't and I didn't realize how much I loved him until he left," Olivia admitted.
"The one that got away, Liv, how much longer are you going to wait?" Rafael asked.
"I hope not too much longer." Olivia smiled.
"Well, I hope so too," Rafael stated.
The three of them walked back to Olivia's apartment and spent some time talking. Rafael was showing Olivia how to make his favorite dessert and the two of them enjoyed the day together.
June 30, 2015
Olivia was finished for the day, excited to go see Noah. Her caseload was light, and she been thinking about an upcoming court date is was 5:15pm when she walked out of the precinct as she texted Lucy she was on her way.
When she walked into the evening sun, she looked to her left to see Elliott Stabler leaning up against the sidewall. She had to blink multiple times to trust her eyes. He had looked different, wearing blue jeans and a black t-shirt. The wrinkles around his eyes deeper, the worry lines on his forehead more noticeable, but when Olivia met Elliot's eyes, they were almost glowing.
"El?" Olivia finally breathed.
"I'm here," Elliott claimed, and Olivia wrapped her arms around his body and held him close. He was a little thinner but still muscular, and she couldn't believe after all this time, Elliot Stabler was here.
She didn't know how long they held each other, but they were both rubbing each other backs making sure that they were actually there with each other. After sometime, Olivia pulled back and smiled.
"God, are you okay?" Olivia asked.
"I am fine, and I think I should be asking you that I'm so sorry Olivia, I'm so sorry." He stated and held her tight once again.
"I'm okay, El, you're here; I'm here. We're okay," Olivia claimed.
"You don't hate me?" Elliot asked.
"I'm not going to lie and say I wasn't pissed off but, I never hated you, Elliot, not for one second," Olivia claimed.
Elliot smiled.
"Your a much better person than I am," Elliot claimed.
"Be sure to remember that." Olivia laughed.
"Can we catch up someplace?" Elliot asked.
Olivia bit her lip.
"No, it's okay if you need time, I…" Elliot wasn't sure what to say.
Olivia stopped him, kissing his lips, wrapping her arms around his waist once more.
Elliot was surprised by the sudden touch but moaned out slightly at the touch that made him feel dizzy.
Elliot smiled and looked in her eyes.
"I don't want to waste any more time El," Olivia claimed.
Elliot smiled. "Neither do I."
"I have to get home, if you don't mind, you can come with me; a lot has changed since you went away, El, just, don't be surprised," Olivia claimed.
Elliot nodded.
Olivia grabs his hand.
"We're walking today," Olivia claimed.
Elliot gives him an odd look remembering her place being a fair distance, but he follows her and holds her hand for longer than necessary. They walk an unexpected route to get to Olivia's new place.
When she pulls him in the building, he is pleasantly surprised by how close it is to the precinct.
They hadn't said a word to each other the whole way, just taking in the fact that they were back together.
When Olivia unlocked the door, Lucy was in the kitchen Noah on her hip.
"Oh, you have company. He's the man in your pictures." Lucy pointed out.
Olivia smiled.
"Yes, Lucy, this is Elliot Stabler," Olivia claimed.
"Hi, my sweet boy, come to mommy," Olivia said as Noah reached out to her.
"Elliot, this is my son, Noah," Olivia claimed.
Olivia saw all the thoughts wandering through his head, and he finally smiled.
"Hey, Noah, I'm your mommy's friend Elliot," Elliot claimed.
The boy reached out to him, and Elliot took the boy in his arms and looked around the apartment, seeing scribbled drawings on the fridge and toddler toys pictures of Noah and Olivia together.
"Do you need anything else, Liv?" Lucy asked.
"No Lucy, you can go, have a good night," Olivia claimed.
"You too," Lucy stated and walked out the door.
"You did it, Liv, you're a mother to a beautiful little boy," Elliot claimed.
"It just sort of happened one day." Olivia smiled.
"God, El, I wish you could have been there," Olivia claimed.
"Tell me everything," Elliott said suddenly.
Olivia smiled.
"El, it's been a long time. I don't know where to start," Olivia admitted.
"Anywhere, Liv. Whatever you're willing to share, I am willing to listen." Elliot said, honestly.
"El, how long have you been in town?" Olivia asked quickly.
"Just came in last night, saw the kids, saw Kathy," Elliott claimed.
Olivia closed her eyes.
"Are they okay?" Olivia asked.
"Well, Kathy got remarried. I think she's doing fine," Elliott stated.
"I'm sorry, El," Olivia claimed.
"Don't Liv you know as well as I, we were done, I love Eli, but I didn't know anything else, and I should have just let her go then, just made everything worse in the end," Elliot admitted.
Olivia frowned but refocused.
"How are the kids?" Olivia asked.
"God, Maureen is so grown up! They all are, Eli is in school and plays soccer Jesus Liv, I just left and never looked back, I was such an idiot." Elliot claimed.
Olivia looked at the man with Noah in her arms.
"El, you did what you thought was right," Olivia claimed.
"Would you do the same with Noah, now that you have Noah?" Elliot asked.
"Don't El," Olivia claimed.
Elliot looked at her.
"I'm sorry I shouldn't really be here," Elliot said suddenly.
He got up to leave.
"If you walk out that door, don't ever come back here," Olivia growled,
Elliot stopped and turned around.
"Do you even want me here," Elliot asked, looking down on the floor.
This was the first time that Olivia realized how truly broken this man was, and she knew she was going to be picking up the pieces, but she would do it for him, she had to do it for him. She needed him more now than ever before, and she wanted him damn it, she walked over Elliott and touched his face. Elliot do you think for one second, I would have kissed your lips and held you tight if I didn't want this, I didn't want us." Olivia asked.
"Elliot doesn't do this to yourself. I want you here, more than anything." Olivia claimed.
Elliot looked into her eyes and saw she was telling the truth.
"Do you have a place to stay?" Olivia asked.
"Nah, the FBI put the little stuff I had in storage, and I have a hotel until I can find a place," Elliott claimed.
"Do you have anywhere you need to be?" Olivia asked.
"No," Elliott claimed.
"I'll tell you anything you want to know, when Noah goes to sleep, for now, let's order some dinner okay," Olivia said softly.
Elliot nodded and Olivia pulled about 100 menus from the kitchen drawer, "you pick." Olivia stated.
Elliot looked through a few places familiar but many were placed her had never heard of.
Elliot was going through the menus, "Well you've spread your wings, Cuban food?" Elliott asks.
Olivia smiled, "yeah its Rafa's favorite." Olivia explained.
Elliot doesn't say anything wondering who Rafa is.
He just nodded and threw the menu down deciding to go with a nearby deli that delivered and asked Olivia if it was okay, she nodded and asked for his order but Elliot insisted on ordering and paying for it.
The meal came, and Olivia was giving Noah small bites and he seemed excited about the different tastes.
Olivia smiled at the boy, and Elliot couldn't help but fall in love with the way Olivia carried herself, she was different it was a good thing, but Elliot couldn't get over how well she interacted with him. There was nothing Olivia Benson couldn't do. He smiled at the little boy in her arms, wondering where his dad was, wondering what situation led Olivia to have a little boy. There was no ring on her finger no evidence of another man, maybe he left, or maybe Olivia adopted, or maybe it was a sperm donor, all Elliot knew was that Olivia was now a mom and she had never looked so good.
Noah was fighting sleep, curious about the stranger in his home. He was rubbing his eyes, and telling Olivia "no" every time she tried to lay him down.
"You'll see Elliot soon, sweet boy," Olivia claimed, and took him to his room and closed the door.
She came out about 20 minutes later.
"Motherhood looks good on you Liv." Elliot smiled.
"So?" Olivia stated.
"Where do we start?" Elliot asked.
"How about after you left, why you left," Olivia claimed.
Olivia grabbed a bottle of wine, and pulled 2 glasses down, and took it back to the couch.
"God Liv, I didn't mean to just leave but after everything, I couldn't even imagine being in that building, I actually got a little sick when I was waiting for you," Elliott admitted.
Olivia closed her eyes nodded understanding why he could feel that way.
"I never knew what to say to you. I knew I chose you it doesn't matter it was a "good shot." It doesn't matter I shot and killed her because of you Liv, nothing more nothing less, and I knew then, I couldn't do it anymore." Elliot claimed.
Olivia was looking at him her breath already rigid with his admission not knowing they would be diving off the deep end.
"I thought you just left me like everyone else always does, and I knew it wasn't all about me. El I knew the moment you did it, that there were going to be issues. I didn't think you'd run away but you did, and Elliot that hurt me so much. Fin even told me I was moping El, and I couldn't get over it. I was angry at you. You left me with two newbies and all of a sudden I was the leader of the pack, Not, Fin not Munch, but me. I got paired with Nick and he was all over place El, he was a great partner but he reminded me too much of you." Olivia smiled.
"You're talking past tense, Liv," Elliot claimed.
"Yeah, he just left for California a few months ago, he's had some family problems of his own." Olivia smiled.
Elliot simply nodded.
"You're turn El, what was it that made you chose to go undercover?" Olivia asked.
"After I left Kathy was worried, genuinely so but was grateful I retired. I was all over the place I just felt like I was playing house after having not much else to do, I realized I was hiding myself at work, not because of her or the kids, I just I didn't know who I was anymore, and I thought about just cutting ties. I never attended not to say goodbye, I thought I would be okay in a month or two see you talk to you, but days just kept going by faster than I could keep up with and I was putting everything into the kids, into the house, I felt like I was on this high, I couldn't come down off of but then everything just came crashing down. Every time I looked at the girls I was reminded of that night, and I felt like I was monster Liv. I killed a kid, no one deserves to move on from that." Elliot claimed.
"El," Olivia reached for him but he pulled back.
"No Liv, I've come to terms. I went to counseling. Then when I felt things were getting better when I was going to call, think about my next steps in life, hope to move forward. Then, the FBI comes knocking on the door, and it was an offer I just couldn't turn down. I can't say much but I was going to expose this huge crime ring, and the pay was unbelievable and figured if I do this and get out and be done, Eli have money for college, It was just supposed to be a few months, but one of the ring leaders clung to me like he was some sick puppy, which leads to a more few months, and a few more and before I knew it I was having meetings every three months, and there was no end in sight and I wanted out, God I was so tired. I was thinking about how I'd hurt you, how I hurt Kathy, and most of all how I hurt the kids." Elliot claimed.
Olivia nodded.
"I was in over my head, and I felt I was drowning but I concentrated on you, and like I said Maureen was able to send letters and God bless her she would write me books about her and the kids, she told me about Kathy, she skipped the part she was seeing another man, but I understand she was trying to save me." Elliott smiled.
"Elliott, what changed?" Olivia asked.
"What do you mean?" Elliot asked.
"We were together for years El, we told each other everything, but not one time, not until I got a damn letter did you say you loved me." Olivia claimed.
"When was I supposed to tell you?" Elliot asks confused.
"I don't know El," Olivia admitted.
"I'm sorry I wish I could do so much so differently," Eliot admitted.
"Me too," Olivia claimed.
"Let's talk about something happy, tell me about Noah," Elliot claimed.
"Well Noah, he's a special little boy. Nick and I had caught a case and we found him with a few older kids, all being used for child porn, trafficking cases we found their relatives but Noah's no one ever came forward. We finally found his mother was a victim as well, young and unable to care for him, it got messy quickly EL, she died. He was in and out of foster care, El it was bad, nobody seemed to want to help this little boy, the social worker failed him, foster family, after foster family didn't want to deal with him. He was sick he was behind, he cried all the time." Olivia claimed.
Elliot's heart was crushed he thought this was a happy story but it seemed like Noah came into the world the worst way possible.
"I kept checking up with him I just wanted to make sure he got a good home, and then one day the judge stated she noticed I had been the only constant in his life and asked if I would be willing to care for him. I couldn't say no, and for the first year it was temporary, and God there were so many times I thought I lost him. He was abused El, he was broken, he had lung issues and was in and out of the hospital. I found out his dad was sex trafficker El, I thought I'd have to give him back. Rafael ensured me I wouldn't have too. The dad god he was a monster El, we were taking him to court, Nick almost died. Johnny shot an officer dead. Nick killed him, El, god my son should never have to know this." Olivia scrubbed her face.
"Jesus Liv! I didn't mean, for this I thought it would be happy." Elliott claimed.
"I am happy the happiest I've been in a long time. I'm just not happy with the way it happened." Olivia admitted
Elliot shook his head, and Olivia leaned into him, he easily took her weight and wrapped his arm around her.
"God I should have been here," Elliot claimed.
"No, you did good El," Olivia claimed.
"Tell me what was your undercover name?" Olivia asks.
"Spencer." Elliot laughed.
"Tell me all about Spencer's life," Olivia asked.
Elliott smiled and began to talk about the lavish home he had, the back story a bachelor who had a keen eye for fast cars, and young kids. He was a trust fund kid, with enough money to get what he wanted but not enough for everything. Elliot proceeds to talk about the home he was put up in, the velvet curtains, the kitchen bigger than her apartment, the bathroom with the steam shower. They were keeping things light. It was getting late and there was a knock on the door.
Olivia looked at her phone, noticing no missed calls, and went to the door. Elliot followed closely behind.
She relaxed and opened the door.
"Rafa, what are you doing here?" Olivia asked.
"Work-related I'm afraid, I was reading over the Maxine file, and you specifically said the Lauren said that was wearing gloves, and Ronald couldn't have been." Rafael said all before noticing Elliot Stabler behind her giving him a glare.
"Liv, you have company it can wait," Rafael said suddenly.
Olivia laughed.
"Come in Rafa, this is Elliot, this is the guy I was telling you about," Olivia claimed.
Rafael sized the man up, nodded his head slightly.
"You know how to pick them." Rafael laughed.
He said it loud enough for Elliot to hear, and Olivia slapped Rafael on the arm.
"What?!" Rafael asked.
"Rafa, let me introduce you to Elliot Stabler, Elliot this is Rafael Barba, our ADA, and one of my closest friends," Olivia claimed.
Elliot smiled and relaxed that the man wasn't anything more to her.
"You, wait your name sounds, wait you tried the case." Elliot claimed remembering the news description as if he just watched on TV." Elliott claimed.
Rafael stared at the man, then realizing that he was talking about Lewis.
"Not my finest hour," Rafael admitted.
"Stop, Rafa, don't we've discussed it. I never blamed you and don't let Elliot drag you down he's getting caught up.." Olivia claimed, her eyes fiery and Rafael knew when to back off.
Rafael smiled and looked to make sure Olivia was truly okay, once he realized she was, he went back to the case at hand for a second.
"You guys got the wrong guy, Not saying he wasn't there but he's not our main suspect allergic to latex, and all the gloves found at the scene were latex," Rafael claimed.
Olivia sighed and went back to the drawing board.
"See you Monday, have a good weekend Liv," Rafael claimed.
Olivia smiled, "Night Rafa." Olivia claimed and closed and locked her door.
"He always just show up like that?" Elliott ask.
"Not all the time, but when his mind is set on something," Olivia claimed.
"So, close friends?" Elliot asked.
"Yes Elliot, he's younger, Harvard Law grad, he's not exactly my type, but he really has been my best friend. He's the only one who knows everything about Lewis, what happened, what I did, what he did. He's been my rock, El, the person you wrote about in your notes it was him." Olivia admitted.
Elliot smiled. "I'm glad you had someone Liv, but what about Nick, he was your partner," Elliot claimed.
"As I said Nick, had a lot going on in his personal life and he's the one who found me, both times he saved my life El, he did so much but he had so much on his plate," Olivia claimed.
"It's getting late," Elliot mentioned.
"Yeah, but you said you had nowhere, to be and I missed you El, please stay," Olivia asked.
"Of course," Elliot claimed.
Olivia smiled and the two of them discuss everything, Olivia tells Elliot all about Amanda, and Carasi, she tells him the ups and downs of running SVU, She talks about Munch and the Captain's retirement. She talks about a few cases that really hit her hard. She admits that she has kept all his letters.
And at the end of the night, when early morning comes, when neither can think of anything else to say, Olivia buries her head in his shoulder and whispers "I love you."
Elliott smiles and runs his hands through her hair, kisses her forehead, and says "I love you too."
The End.