Shell Game
Claudia Black narrating and impersonating most characters.
Michael Shanks as Daniel Jackson
When you think about it, there's quite a lot of constants in the universe: the inability of most men to see past a pretty face, the fact that no one ever wants to do the washing up, the prison cells are all the same no matter where you go in the galaxy. [Rats squeaking] If I had to classify this one, I'd call it, well let's be generous, shabby. I imagine that thing in the corner is supposed to be a bed. The rodents seem to think so. And there's all the usual comforts: manacles, high windows with reinforced bars, a bowl of some sort of-ugh-vegetable stew (at a guess), and the obligatory iron door guarded by two thick set men without necks. I've had better. One reaches a certain level of notoriety in the business of appropriating things, and you'd think you'd get accommodation that matches your rep. But no! That's Holdus for you. Very low rent, a bit beneath me. Really? Sooo. Escape ploys. They took all my stuff. I wonder if they're stupid enough to fall for the "I feel sick! Please! Call a doctor!" ruse. Ah! I could try taking my top off to distract them. But it is rather chilly in here. Of course I could just...wait. I mean my friends wouldn't just leave me here would they? Not Daniel. No. Muscles and Cam? Samantha? And General Landry likes me. Like a daughter to him, he said. At least that's what I think he said. Perhaps I might have been reading too much into it. I mean it wasn't my fault. Those hunters captured me. I didn't have much choice! What with all the guns and all. I'm sure SG-1 know I'm here. I'm sure!...Maybe the rats know a way out.
To be honest, I wasn't really expecting visitors. Well maybe the odd person coming along for a bit of gloating [Knocking on door].
Man: Vala Mala Doran
He didn't sound friendly.
Man: Step back from the door.
Daniel: Actually, it's Mal Doran. Her...her name...I mean.
[Metal lock opens and steam blows]
Vala: Daniel!
Daniel: Yep, that's her.
Vala: What? No hug?
[Footsteps and rattling chains]
Vala: Could you get these off me? They're really chafing my wrists.
Daniel: Ah. No.
Vala: Oh.
There was a man with him. He introduced himself as Justicar Yanik, but he might as well have been wearing a sign around his neck that said "cop." Big long coat with brocade and epaulettes, a gun, a sash, and a fat gold badge on an arm band. And he had a tall hat as well. They have a thing about big hats on Holdus. Personally, I think it looks rather silly, but there you go. He was the unfriendly one. The one who couldn't even say my name right. Pinched face like he was chewing on something sour.
Daniel: Vala, Mr. Yanik here is the local equivalent of a legal investigator. He represents the Holdus Justice Council.
Vala: Good. Fine. Great. Can he take the manacles off, then? I mean, I'm hardly going to be able to be released if, if...You're not here to rescue me, are you?
Daniel: It's um uh…complicated.
Vala: Complicated? No, Jackson. It's not. Why don't you come over here and get chained to a wall and then you can see how simple that actually is? Chain. Wall. Prison cell. Very straightforward.
Yanik: Your people have agreed to have you processed through the courts of Holdus.
I could tell he was quite pleased about that in a sniffy sort of way. My reaction wasn't as well meeted.
Vala: WHAT? WHY?
Daniel: Vala, you know the situation at Stargate Command right now. The International Overset Advisory wants us to make as many allies as we can in the face of the Ori invasion. We need to keep good diplomatic relations with other planets so we can trade information and tactical data. Holdus is one of those worlds.
Which was Daniel's way of telling me I wasn't going to get beamed away to some waiting rescue ship. I tried to explain to Yanik that this whole arrest thing was, of course, some unpleasant misunderstanding. Clearly a case of mistaken identity. That the bounty hunters who brought me in had made a gross error, which I would be willing to forgive if he uncuffed me this very minute. He wasn't really getting my angle on it, though. I wonder if the hat was too tight. Maybe it was cutting off the blood getting to the sympathy centers of his brain. What am I saying? Sympathy? He was a police drone. No imagination. A small officious little man.
Daniel: They say you broke the law here. [Grunts] Several laws, actually. All at once. Is that true?
Vala: Absolutely not! I'm shocked that you would think that! Look. See? This is my shocked face.
Daniel: Vala.
Vala: I'mmm...innocent.
[Heavy sigh] It was one of those times when having your reputation precede you was really, really annoying. Yanik, of course, took the opportunity to kick me while I was down. He said it with glee, too. I definitely saw some glee in his eyes when he spoke again.
Yanik: Vala Mal Doran, you are bound by law to be held here in the dungeons of the great citadel tower pending the final judicial decision at the highest level of our magistratum.
Daniel: Final? Doesn't she get a trial or something?
That didn't appear to be an issue. According to the esteemed Justicar, I had already been tried in absentia for my crimes.
Daniel: Oh. That's not good.
Vala: Ya think!
[Footsteps and sliding door] Yanik reluctantly agreed to give us a moment alone. As soon as he was out of the cell, I filled Daniel in on my plan. The "beam up Vala and we all live happily ever after" plan. I thought it was a winner. He didn't go for it.
Daniel: Do you have any idea how hard it was for the SGC to get the Justice Council to even allow me to come see you? I had to tell them I was your attorney.
Vala: You're my lawyer! Somehow that doesn't fill me with a sense of optimism.
Daniel: [Clears throat] I am the only other member of SG-1 on the planet. Sam, Teal'c, Cam. The Holdus enforcers wouldn't even let them through the Stargate.
Vala: Just me and you then. Cozy.
Daniel: How did you get yourself into this?
Vala: You should know. You were there!
[Stargate chevrons activating] It all started out so nicely! [Wormhole activates] General Landry had sent us off on another jolly scouting mission. [Birds chirping] We were supposed to be looking for any Priors doing their scary, fear the wrath of the Ori thing. We got to P4X something something something, and it was just gorgeous. I wished I had packed sunscreen and a bikini. [Wormhole closes] Crystal clear green sea, warm orange sand, handsome native boys.
Daniel: Skip to the end.
Vala: Don't rush me. I'm building a sense of mood.
Anyway, the place looked peaceful. More importantly, the locals had never heard of the Ori, so we were two for two. At that point, it was all going swimmingly. Just to be sure, Colonel Mitchell wanted us to split up and take a look around.
Colonel Mitchell: Hey, this place is cool! We get done checkin' it out, maybe Landry'll let us come back and do some surfin'.
Teal'c agreed.
Teal'c: Indeed.
Of course, Daniel had other ideas.
Daniel (impersonated by Vala): Uh, there are some interesting ruins in the shallows. I'd like to take a look at them and do some archeological things.
Daniel: Um, I don't sound like that.
Vala: Shut up. I'm talking.
Daniel: Archaeological "things"?
So, we left you boys behind to make sand castles, and Colonel Carter and I ventured off the local settlement. I wasn't exactly jumping. Not much going on, really. Mostly fishing and fishing-related activities, but more importantly, no sign of anything dangerous. The locals weren't going to eat us or turn out to be holograms or something horrible like that. They were just traders and fishermen. It would have been a nice resort, but we let our guard down. Sam was explaining things called piña coladas to me when a buff guy in battle armor turned up with a bunch of his playmates. They weren't locals. That was apparent straight away. They had off world hardware and bad attitudes. I knew the type from firsthand experience. Bounty hunters. They were all kinds of evil.
Daniel: They recognized you.
Vala: I have a very memorable face. It's as much a bane as it is a gift.
[Arming zats] They pulled zats and made their ungentlemanly intentions very clear. I was ready to give them a fight. I can be quite a tough girl when I want to be, but "Oh no! Vala, look out! Help me!" They got the drop on Carter. She's so trusting at times, honestly. It's endearing. Of course, I had to make the selfless choice. I gave myself up in order to save poor Samantha from a horrible death, and all the rest of you, too. I dropped my weapons and surrendered.
Vala: Let her go, you evil wretches! Take me instead.
Sam: No, Vala! Run! Run while you still can!
Vala: No, Sam! I cannot. Not while one of my friends is in danger.
I think I was very brave. Before I knew it, I was under arrest and being dragged back through the gate to Holdus. It wasn't a planet I ever wanted to visit again.
Daniel: Selfless.
Vala: Pretty much. Don't feel that you have to thank me.
Daniel: Well, as entertaining as an episode of Vala Mal Doran Tragic Heroine was, what I seem to recall is you dropping everything and running for the 'gate the moment you laid eyes on those hunters.
Vala: That's another interpretation of those events. I'm not saying it's not valid. It's just not mine.
Daniel: Are, are you getting this? I mean, really? Do you actually understand how much trouble you're in? A harsh legal code underpins every aspect of society on Holdus. You're making light of this. But Yanik's people see it differently. They're deadly serious.
Vala: Yes. The accommodations seem to reflect that. I'm sorry. Force of habit.
Daniel: What did you do, Vala?
Vala: Have you ever heard of a device called the Eye of the Dawn?
[Music and laughter] I've had a very interesting career, you know. Before I crossed paths with SG-1, Teal'c, and all my Tau'ri mates, I had a pretty lucrative living as a, well, I suppose an uncharitable critic might call me a thief. Actually, come to think of it, most people would call me a thief. But I preferred to describe myself as a free agent. It was in that capacity that I first found myself on the planet Holdus. I've always had a sense of opportunity. I think it comes from wanting to make up for lost time. Making the best play of a bad hand, if you get my meaning. You see, before I became a thie-a free agent, I had the considerably less pleasant job of being the slave host to a Goa'uld system lord called Quetesh who was, to be honest, a bit of a bitch. Luckily for me, the snake was evicted from my head, but not without leaving behind some extensive knowledge of alien technology. Like I said, opportunity! I used what I knew to make some cash. The galaxy is littered with high tech stuff from a dozen different races. Some extinct, some just very bad at cleaning up after themselves. Admittedly, a lot of it is trash, but some of it is valuable. And if you can tell the difference…Well, you see where I'm going with this, right? Thanks to that parasite Quetesh, I knew the whereabouts of a few interesting bits of tech, of which the Eye of the Dawn was one. It's an Ancient device. That's Ancient as in the ascended god-like aliens Ancient, not very very old ancient. And that meant a nice payday if I could...uh…liberate it. Which is why I had insinuated myself into the Great Citadel Tower in the Holdus Capital. The Eye belonged to a man called Arigan, and it was the pride of his collection. He was a powerful warlord on Holdus with a pretty stiff reputation. He made sure he stayed at the top of the heap by deliberately keeping his people at a low level of technology. Arigan, of course, lived large at their expense.
Arigan: I am Arigan! No man can be my equal!
He was loud and self important with the sex appeal of an unas, an hariy unas who didn't bathe much, if ever. I learned two interesting facts about Arigan quite early on. The first, that nobody on Holdus, none of his generals or the other warlords had the guts to challenge him. Why? Because Arigan's enemies and rivals had the nasty habit of disappearing. I don't mean turning up dead with the overdose of lead poisoning or that sort of thing. I mean, literally, vanishing. Into. Thin air. The second fact was much more useful: Arigan had a thing for redheads. I knew I'd caught his eye the moment I'd entered the room. It's a girl thing. You can just tell. A quick injection of follicle nanites programmed to switch my lustrous raven tresses to a blazing flame red was all it took. It'd wear off after a while, but I didn't plan on sticking around that long. In out! Ka Ching! That was the idea. I had a Tel'tak cargo ship hidden in the woodlands. Once I parted Arigan from the Eye, I had a guy in the Lucian Alliance already lined up to take it off my hands. All angles covered. Or so I thought. At the time I had no clue about how utterly wrong it was going to go. Through the correct application of bribery I'd been able to secure myself a place as a wine server to Arigan's table. He drank the stuff like it was water, knocking back goblets full and beckoning me back over every five minutes for another refill. That was fine with me because the drunker someone gets, the looser their grip on good judgment. And for what I had in mind, I wanted the warlord to be pretty darn loose. Arigan soaked up the drink like a sponge. But I needn't have been concerned. Like most people who have more power than they should, he let his baser instincts rule him. He leered at me in the way that a starving man looks at a bit of meat.
Arigan: Mark me, but I don't think I've had the pleasure of your service before, my girl. I would have remembered. You're such a pretty thing.
Vala: Hmm. Oh my Lord. You're the very model of a fine gentleman! [Girlish giggles]
I think I flounced my hair at this point. It was a nice touch. I batted my eyelids and bit of cooing. Basically, I played the unworldly but buxom and pliant approach right to the hilt. You know how it goes. Starry-eyed, hanging on his every word with breathless gasps [Coos and giggles]. Melodic giggles at each attempt at witticism. And because I am very good at what I do, he bought it. Everything was going well. The red hair was really selling it for me. I had it scoped out in my head. I figured at some point before the night's revels were called to a halt, Arigan would offer some lewd suggestions for a bit of some slap and tickle, and I'd eagerly take him up on it. Then, once we were alone, I'd use the control module in my pocket to activate the packs of morph nano capsule dust I'd poured into his wine. The capsules are pirated Pangerine technology. Push button sedative, in effect. Once someone has them in their body, you could put them out [snaps fingers] just like that. Instant and undetectable. Expensive, though, but the money I'd be getting for the Eye of the Dawn made it worthwhile. With him in dream land, I'd be free to do the crime unhindered. Arigan would wake the next morning with colorful memories and a big hole in his artifact collection. But that's about the time things started to go off the map. Arigan looked me up and down.
Arigan: Vala, my dear, this evening you have impressed me with your manners. It's not often I find a woman of such beauty who still knows her place before a man.
Vala: [Coos] I am happy to serve, warlord.
He grinned.
Arigan: Perhaps you might wish to serve me in another capacity...
Vala: [Coos] I would love…
Arigan: ...as my wife.
Vala: What!?
Ok, I have to admit. I didn't see that one coming, but then again, none of my escapades ever did go without something wacky happening. So I rolled with it. Improvising. It's another thing I'm good at.
Vala: OH! Oh. I mean…Oh, yes. I would be so very honored. [Giggles]
Arigan: [Leering] Of course you would! And frankly, I've grown so tired of my current spouse. She's quite wearrysome. I feel the need for a change. You'll serve my purposes.
Vala: [Giggles] Great.
My first instinct was to run. Getting hitched to this corpulent tarp wasn't in the script. But then I thought, as I often did, of the money. It wasn't the money's fault he'd said that. Poor money. Poor, poor money. I had to do my best to set it free. I had misread the locals a little. Holdus, as I soon learned, has a bit of a prude thing going on. Blood and violence they don't have a problem with. But extramarital naughtiness was frowned upon for high-ranking warlords like Arigan. He had to be at least seen to be showing some respectability. Which explained the number of wives he'd had and later packed off to various countryside retreats when he got bored with them. Agreeing to be Mrs. Warlord meant juggling things around. First chance I had, I got back out to the Tel'tak and grabbed some more of the follicle nanites. I didn't want to turn dark-haired at an inopportune moment, but I was out of doses of packs of morph dust. I'd have to put Arigan out of commission the old-fashioned way: with something heavy. I was actually a bit disappointed by the wedding. I mean, a lot of girls dream of being a princess and marrying some kingly guy, don't they? I expected at the very least, some amount of razzle dazzle. And maybe a nice dress. All I got was a hat! A tall pointy hat! Slightly bendy at the end. Wasn't really me. The ceremony was pretty much the do you, does she, clap hands, and it was done. Arigan used it as an excuse for another celebration, and I did a lot of smiling and nodding, attempting all the while to look like an idiot while I figured out how I was going to get the Eye out of the citadel. [Running water] He had an octagonal bed with a zero gravity generator unit fitted under the mattress. I think you could probably guess what that was used for. Arigan's stateroom was lush and it didn't lack in heavy objects. Found a rather crude-looking bit of erotic pottery that had a good heft to it. Mind you, hubby swaggered into the room. I think he was naked, but I'm not really certain. Mercifully, my subconscious had blanked that particular detail from my memory. He pointed at the vase I was holding.
Arigan: Ah! That's a Melkirie Loven. You like it? It is said to increase the potency of any males who have it within their bed chambers.
Vala: Really? [Coos and giggles] Wow. Is it worth a lot of money?
That seemed to amuse him.
Arigan: Not really, my dear.
Vala: Oh good. Then it doesn't matter if I do this, then.
[Smashing vase and falling dead weight]
I got him onto the bed and quickly rewired the projector coils to invert the gravity field. [Zapping electricity] He'd be pinned there under eight times Holdus's normal gravity until someone got him out. Pausing only to ditch that stupid, stupid hat, I made my way to the gallery on the floor above. [Stealth music] The Eye of the Dawn. Pictures don't do it justice, really. A crystal sphere the size of a kitik melon. Light does lovely things when it strikes the surface. All these glittery moats and subtle colors. I'll say this for the Ancients: They knew how to make the pretty. [Echoing footsteps] The gallery was a fairly standard rotating table pentagonal variant with null screen panels, photonic sensors, and a narrow band by a metric bay scope. I once borrowed a solar sailer yacht from an orbital shipyard with the same set up, but of course I had to do that from inside a spacesuit. This, by contrast, was child's play. [Clicks] Overconfidence. Do you know, if I have a character flaw, I think that could be it. [Alarm goes off] The Goa'uld have quite a lot of swear words. I used one of them. I had it in my hand. Right there. But it was heavier than it looked, and I admit it. I was a little dazzled. Then my brain caught up, and I did the running thing. [Men running and shouting "Stop" from a distance] This is the part where it all went bad. I-I mean badder. I underestimated Arigan. He was there with his guardsmen shouting and yelling that he'd have my head stuffed and mounted. I ran through the maze that is the citadel's corridors, but they were right on top of me. They cornered me in the arboretum. I knew I could make it out of the sky light, but they'd have me gunned down the moment I went for it. I needed a distraction, but there was only one thing that I could use. There comes a moment when you have to choose between lead or gold. Money would have been great, but what use would it have been if I was spending the rest of my life dead?
Vala: Hey! Arigan! Catch!
[Men shouting, glass breaking, splashing water]
Men: Don't let her get away!
Daniel: You threw it at him.
Vala: Yep! Arigan and his flunkies were all so busy trying to grab it, they forgot to keep shooting at me. I got to the 'gate and dialed off-world as fast as I could. And that was that. Not the best of capers from my otherwise stellar career. The Lucian Alliance were not pleased that I'd lost a Tel'tak and failed to hold up my end of the agreement, I can tell you. They demanded compensation. The whole rotten mess cleaned me out. I spent the next few months doing my best to play it down and making sure I avoided any worlds off the Holdus trade access.
Daniel: Guess they must have expanded out to P4X-995 since then. [Silent pause] The bikini planet.
Vala: You want to know what I did on Holdus! That's it! Yes, Yanik is completely right. I did with malice of forethought come to this very citadel with fraudulent intent and commit a theft. Well, actually it was an attempted theft because I never got away with the Eye. But the point is moot. I made Arigan look like a fool, and that's really what this is about. I am guilty of larceny. Sorry.
Daniel: There's just one problem.
Vala: I'm not going to like this, am I?
Daniel: Vala, the crime that the Justice Council has convicted you of isn't theft. It's murder.
[This is getting really really bad music]
I've done questionable things. I've lied, and I've cheated. I've taken stuff that doesn't belong to me. I've robbed from the rich and...kept it. But there are lines I wouldn't cross. Not ever!
Vala: Murder! I'm not a killer!
Daniel: I know, but that doesn't matter to these people.
[Lock opens and pressured air released]
Yanik was clearly feeling left out, and he chose that moment to return.
Vala: Doesn't anyone knock around here!
He gave me the kind of look that Mitchell calls the hairy eyeball. Remember when I talked about constants in the universe? Here's another one. No matter what planet you're on, policemen don't do witty. The Justicar started reading off a scroll of metallic paper.
Yanik: This is the accusatory collation document. It lists the crimes of the guilty party.
Vala: Being cute without a license? [Giggles]
I got the look again, this time from Daniel. What can I say? When I'm nervous I become sarcastic. More sarcastic than usual. I mean…
Daniel: Theft, bribery, illegal entry, tampering with prescribed technology, assault against a ranking officer, resisting arrest, criminal damage, impersonating a wine server, marriage under false pretenses…
Vala: Oh stop! I'm blushing!
Daniel: ...and the murder of the Lady Latika.
Vala: Latika! That's impossible! She's not…I would never hurt her.
Daniel: Who is she?
Vala: Latika was Arigan's wife. His other wife. I mean, the one he was bored with.
Daniel: There's more here. Says she was pregnant.
Vala: Yes. Yes, she was.
Yanik's expression turned icy. He explained how the legal courts on Holdus treated such crimes with the utmost severity. Only the most rigorous and unflinching sentence possible would be accepted by the warlord and the people.
Yanik: He Excellency Arigan has made his will clear. And he has ensured that the public sentiment is behind him. It will be for the magistratum to decide if they will bow to that bidding.
Daniel: What does that mean exactly?
When Yanik looked at me again, it was like my heart froze in my chest. The conviction had already been made, and I had been declared guilty. Only the method of punishment was still to be decided. If Arigan had his way, at high sun the following day, I would be executed on the steps of the Great Citadel.
Daniel: I'm here to make sure that doesn't happen. Stargate Command will not let one of its people be put to death.
But Yanik knew more about me than I thought. He knew that I wasn't Tau'ri like Daniel.
Yanik: She is not one of your people, Dr. Jackson. She's a renegade. A ruthless criminal drifter.
Daniel: Not anymore.
He was right. But that was now. Yanik was talking about a different Vala Mal Doran. One that felt like a pale shadow of this me. Someone lost and forgotten.
Daniel: Justicar, remember your government and mine are trying to build bridges. I ask you to exercise leniency.
Yanik frowned at me from under that ridiculous hat.
Yanik: The best result you could hope for is that her execution be commuted to a life term here in the dungeon.
Needless to say, I didn't find that very appealing, either.
Vala: I am innocent! Yes, I know how unlikely that sounds. Yes, I did try to steal the Eye, but no, I did not kill Latika. She is not dead! She's alive and well!
Ah. Nuts. Me and my big mouth.
Daniel: If she's alive, then why isn't she here telling people you didn't kill her?
Question that Yanik was also very interested in knowing the answer to. Granted the guy didn't call me a liar straight out. He actually offered to listen to any proof I had. Did I have any evidence to back up my claims? Could I produce something to show that Lady Latika was still breathing? No. It was one of those rare occasions when I didn't know what to say. Daniel saw the look on my face.
Daniel: Vala, just listen to me. This isn't the first time I've done something like this. I got Teal'c through this Cor'ai thing, and he didn't even want to be found innocent. Now, I've got your back on this. Don't worry.
Vala: I trust you, Daniel. But I don't have much faith in the Holdus legal system. I remember what this planet was like when I first came here. How Arigan runs this territory. He has got all his sycophants backing him, and everyone else has probably been bought off or scared away from going against him.
Yanik took that personally. He was actually insulted, you know. Like a normal person.
Yanik: That is untrue! [He snapped.] I am under no influence with the rule of law.
Yeah right. I didn't believe a word of it.
Daniel: I better go to the Stargate, and check in with the General. I'll be back later. [Footsteps]
Vala: Bring me back something nice! Like a cake! [Whispering] With a file in it.
Daniel: We'll get you out.
Vala: No hurry! Take your time.
[Whispering]
Vala: Latika. This is the last chance to change your mind. Are you sure about this? If we don't make it…If he catches you with me you know what will happen. Arigan will kill us both and the baby. And the baby. Maybe you should try to find another way. Another way. Another.
[Waking gasp] Oh. Bad dream. I have a lot of those. Comes from having to share your brain with an alien snake. Of course, that would hardly be a concern once they separated my head from my neck.
Daniel: [Calling from a distance] Open up! I'm her defender.
[Door opens and pressured air released]
Vala: You're my what?
Daniel: It's something I just turned up from an old Primal re-run. Listen. [pressurized air released] I talked to Sam. Landry is in Washington. He's going to bat for you against the IOA. Mitchell and Teal'c are with him right now pressuring them to lean on Holdus. They're military. They all take that never leave a man behind stuff really seriously. But the clock is against us. I don't know if we'll be able to get anything done in time.
Vala: I appreciate that, but I think we both know that there's only one way to handle this.
Daniel: Yes?
Vala: Damn it, Jackson! Do I have to draw you a diagram? Break me out of the bloody dungeon! I wasn't kidding about the file. Of course a zat or a P-90 would work in a pinch!
Daniel: Don't you think I want to do that? You want me to tell you the frankly doomed plan that Cam came up with! The one that would have got us all killed!
Vala: Mitchell had a mad plan just for me? Aww. That's sweet of him.
Daniel: Or dense in the head. One or the other. I told him no. I told Sam there's another way.
Vala: And that would be?
Daniel: Okay. I need you to do something that [sigh] a little off your beam. I need you to tell me the truth. All of it.
And when he said that, I knew I was in real trouble. Daniel had a data tablet in his pack and he booted it up to show me something. On the screen, there were scans of pages from a book written in Ancient. And on one of them was a sketch of something that looked a lot like the Eye of the Dawn.
[Beep beep]
Daniel: Is that it?
Vala: It could be. Yeah, I think so.
Daniel: Ok, I was thinking about what you said about the Eye. I remembered something that Dr. McKay said from back on the Atlantis expedition. Some records they found in a library there.
Now, all the Ancient stuff is Daniel's specialty, but I'm a clever girl. I pick things up as I go along. The Atlantis data said that the Eye was an early experiment created by a super smart Ancient scientist called Janus.
Daniel: Yeah. He was pretty much the Einstein of Ancient temporal manipulation. Ten dimensional physics.
Vala: Einstein? Th-the basketball player?
Daniel: Yes, the basketball player. Look, that doesn't matter. The point is that thing. The Eye. And I'm willing to bet there's a lot more to it than just the sparkly light show. Of course without having it in my hand, I can't really be sure of what…
Vala: But it could help clear me?
Daniel: So why don't you go back to the beginning, and this time tell me what actually happened.
Vala: [Heavy sigh] Okay. The truth.
Arigan: Mark me but I don't think I've had the pleasure of your service before my girl. I would have remembered. You're such a pretty thing.
Vala: [Coos] Oh, my Lord. You're the very model of a fine gentleman. [Giggles]
Arigan: [Slurps wine and burps] More wine! Ha!
Oh yeah. He was a charmer, all right. It's funny how you remember the little details about a person isn't it? I have a distinct memory of all the flecks of food stuck in his beard. Arigan had his own buffet in there. But anyway, the first time I met Latika was that night. I was getting the warlord his unteenth refill of the evening, and there she was, the Lady Latika. She studied me.
Latika: Do you have water? I'm afraid I do not share my husband's thirst.
She had a worn, weary expression on her face. [Pouring water] With the red hair, the two of us looked pretty similar. She was my height. Well poised. Although the dress she wore was hardly flattering. A shapeless thing. It hung on her like a very fancy sack. Latika had a way about her, though. She seemed…I don't know, tired. Like she was carrying a burden that no one else could see. But I wasn't paying attention to that at the time. My eyes were still on the prize. My payday. She gave me a long measuring look.
Latika: Would you like some advice?
She sipped the water, and sighed.
Latika: Don't follow this path any further. Take your leave now and search for something else.
She nodded in the direction of the great hall.
Latika: He will only bring you sorrow.
Vala: Oh, I'm sure I don't know what you mean, my Lady.
I didn't realize what she was doing. I thought Latika was just a jealous trophy wife annoyed that her spouse was attracted to me. A faded marginal woman desperate to protect her own status at the warlord's court. She didn't know why I was really there. She thought I was just another opportunist maiden. So she was half right, then. I didn't realize she was trying to stop me from making the same mistakes that she had. Latika drifted back into the grand hall on my heels, and Arigan was right there, in mid blather, surrounded by his brigade of yes-men looting over some callous joke he was making at the expense of the poor. I poured his wine, and he shot Latika a look like she was something he would scrape off his boots.
Arigan: Thank you, Vala.[He boomed.] You see! This is a woman who understands my needs. That's what every man wants!
[Men laugh]
Latika would have walked away. Arigan wasn't going to let her.
Arigan: Wife, perhaps I ought to engage the servant girl, eh? She could dispense lessons to you on the maidenly manners they teach the commoners.
[Men continue to laugh]
He made her look a fool. Like I said before. A boorish, arrogant man. Every word he uttered made me want to rob him blind just a little bit more. She finally left the room with him mocking her to her back. Latika gave me a last glance before she went, and that's when I understood what the conversation in the corridor had been about. I did feel sorry for her. But I had other things on my mind. I kept my focus on the job at hand. Plan A, steal and run, hadn't worked. I went to plan B instead. Get married and steal and run. The night before the 'bonding' ceremony, I slipped out of the maiden quarters and scouted the corridors. Preparation is a thie-a free agent's best friend. The citadel is big, I mean HUGE! At least as many levels as Cheyenne Mountain with loads of weird little passageways and halls. I've got a great sense of direction, though.
[Footsteps]
Vala: …Umm...Which way was it now?
[Sobbing]
That's when I saw her again. She was standing on a stone balustrade overlooking an atrium several floors below us. Bare feet, weeping, an inch from falling to her death.
Vala: Lady Latika.
She turned to me. Pale and sickly. Her hand went to her belly and pressed on that unflattering dress. [Heavy sigh] Sometimes, I'm so slow on the uptake it annoys me! I offered her my hand, and after a while, she took it. Came down. Up there, alone and in the quiet, we talked. I don't know why she confided in me. Me! Of all people! But she did. Maybe she had nothing to lose. The baby, you see, wasn't Arigan's child. Latika had been having an affair with one of the warlord's advisors. She could barely hold back her tears.
Latika: He was a good and kind man. He honored me.
Vala: What?
Things fell into place. Arigan's abuse had driven his wife into the arms of another man, and when he found out, her lover had been disappeared. She told me the same fate awaited her and the unborn child. Once Arigan took me as his new consort, she would vanish like all the others. She tried to flee, but the citadel was heavily guarded. Trapped inside like a prisoner, Latika had finally fallen to the only manner of escape still open to her. If I had turned up just a few minutes later…[Shudders]. I decided then and there, to help her.
Vala: Okay. I know what you're thinking. This touchy feely stuff is not the Vala Mal Doran you're used to. But hey! I have depths, you know. Deep depths. I'm not all about the money. Well…sometimes.
Daniel: I never knew you were such a soft touch.
Vala: Please don't tell anyone! I have a reputation to live down to. You know, the cold hearted outlaw in me pointed out how Latika's problem was nothing to do with me and none of my concern. In fact, if she had jumped, it would have turned the citadel into chaos, and I probably could have done the job that night while everyone was distracted. But that's not me. I'm not like Arigan. I'm not Quetesh. I listen to the other thoughts in my head. The better angels of my nature. I told Latika the truth. Who I was, why I was there, what I was going to do. Then I offered her a deal.
Daniel: Freedom.
Vala: I told her that if she helped me get into the warlord's gallery, I'd get her off the planet.
Daniel: What went wrong?
Vala: Oh...Everything.
So. The wedding came and went. I had no desire to have the wedding night follow the same pattern.
Arigan: Ah! That's a melkirie loven.
Vala: Really? Wow.
[Breaking laven and falling dead weight]
Latika was waiting for me at the entrance to the gallery.
Vala: This is the last chance to change your mind. Are you sure about this? If we don't make it, if he catches you with me, you know what will happen. Arigan will kill us both and the baby. Maybe you should try to find another way.
She was terrified, but she was ready.
Latika: I have no other choice.
Vala: Alright, my Lady. Let's do crime!
Arigan's code for the secure doors isolating the chamber were supposed to be his big secret. But a man's wife is often more observant than he gives her credit for. [Beep boop beep. Lock clicks open.]
Vala: So far, so good.
Ugh. I wish I had never said that.
Vala: Huh. Standard rotating table pentagonal variant, null screen panels, platonic sensors, narrow band biometric bay scope. Pfft. Child's play. [Footsteps] Latika, stay there. Don't touch anything. [Gasp] The Eye of the Dawn! Hello, you pretty thing. It's warm. Feels like it's alive.
And that is when I realized what it was that I had in my hand. I hadn't really thought that Arigan's prize piece would be anything more than a shiny bauble. But I can read a bit of Ancient, enough to order beer or get directions, that sort of thing. And what I read etched into the side of the sphere-granted my translation was a bit glitchy-but I was pretty damn sure. The Eye of the Dawn was a matter displacement unit. A portable short-range teleportation device. Heh. I mean is that cool or what! [Click]
Vala: Latika, I told you not to touch…[Alarm goes off]. Oh, mikta. RUUUUUNNN!
Arigan stormed in, and he was furious!
Arigan: Harlots! I will have you beheaded for this! No one steals from me!
We ran as quickly as we could, but in Latika's case that wasn't all that fast. She was weak, and she was with child. I saw her struggling to keep up, and I knew that if I stayed with her, we'd both be caught and killed. Latika in her condition, she just couldn't run! Go without her. Leave her behind. Is that voice something that Quetesh had left behind or was it me? It wasn't me.
Vala: Latika, this way! I've got an idea.
[Funky getaway music]
Sometimes, opportunity...it smacks you in the head. The Eye was a teleporter. I couldn't be sure of the range, but it had to be outside the walls of the citadel. It was her only chance. Another thing I like about the Ancients, they make their stuff more or less idiot proof. You have to be a super genius to understand the theory, but anyone with above average intellect, like me, for example, can figure out what buttons to push.
Vala: Latika, I need you to trust me.
She nodded.
Latika: I trust you, Vala Mal Doran.
I pushed the button and [Electricity and zapping] It worked! One second she was there, and the next! But I didn't get time to enjoy the moment. [Shots firing] The Eye was still recharging its power cell. I needed a distraction. But there was only one thing I could use!
Vala: Hey! Arigan! Catch!
Vala: ...and the rest you know.
Daniel: Okay, all this comes down to the warlord's wife. If we can find Lady Latika, produce her, then the very least we can get the murder charge overturned. We're gonna drive a wedge into Arigan's accusations.
Vala: And maybe get me free! Yes! Great! I absolutely love that idea! But…
Daniel: Where did you send her?
Vala: That's the thing. Isn't it.
Daniel: You don't know where you teleported her to? I thought you said you could read Ancient.
Vala: A bit! Of Ancient. I said a bit! Not everything. We can't all be polylingual ultra geeks like doctor genius Daniel Jackson.
Daniel: Polylingual ultrageek? What? Did Mitchell teach you that? [Sigh of someone with diminishing patience] Look. Unless we can find out where you sent Latika, you're out of options.
Vala: To do that, we need to have the Eye of the Dawn.
If we had the artifact, Daniel could work his nerd magic and save me. But stuck here in a damn stone cold dungeon with the Eye up there somewhere in Arigan's gallery...Well the thing might as well have been in the Kalium Galaxy for all the good it would do us.
Daniel: I will talk to Yanik. Maybe he can help. Get me a look at the Eye.
Vala: Yeah. Like that'll happen. The last offworder who wanted to get a look was me, and I tried to steal it. It's time for plan C, Daniel. C as in…
Daniel: Ayy. Criminal? Crazy? Catastrophic?
Vala: I was going to say clever.
[Clicking lock and releasing pressurized air]
The door opened.
Vala: Justicar Yanik. How unpleasant it is to see you again.
Daniel: You're not helping.
He dismissed the guards. Clearly I wasn't even being considered a threat anymore which was rather insulting actually. Yanik took off the big hat and showed something that was almost concern.
Yanik: I have grave news. The Justice Council are not looking favorably upon the circumstance. Your government's attempts to intervene in an internal legal manner have been poorly received.
Daniel: I was afraid of that.
Yanik had come to tell Daniel that the Council had revoked his status. He was there to escort him back to the Stargate and off Holdus.
Daniel: Vala.
When you know someone well enough, you have this thing. It's not like telepathy or that sort of hoo ha. It's just a...a feel for the way someone thinks. A mutual understanding, if you will. Daniel gave me a look, and I knew what I had to do.
Vala: [Coughing] Oh no! I feel sick! Please! Call a doctor!
Daniel: What are you doing?
I haven't lost my touch. Yanik was caught by surprise just for a second. A second was all that I needed.
Vala: Ha HA!
[Rattling chains] I got the chain under his feet. Tripped him up! [Yanik lands heavily on floor] Daniel (belatedly) got involved. [Wrestling] He can be a great distraction when he wants to be. Yanik was furious. He was too slow. He underestimated me. [Cocking gun] And now, I had his gun. Ho ho ho. [Rattling chains]
Daniel: You'll never do it. You're out of your mind.
Vala: Yeah. Gotta try, though.
Daniel: Okay. Well. Stop wasting your time talking to me. I'll keep Yanik here as long as I can. Go...be a thief.
Vala: The term is free agent. I'll be back, Daniel.
[Door sliding open]
Daniel: I know.
I did the running thing again. As fast as I could. I worked my way up through the levels of the Great Citadel. Stairwells and laundry shoots. Service elevators. At one point, scrambling up a trellis. [Panting] It's a good thing I'm fit really. I was sneaking through the atrium with the big naked statues when I heard some guardsmen speaking. One of them was relaying commands from a telegraph headset. What stopped me dead was when I heard one of them say the word, "Jackson."
Guardsman: Tau'ri with the eyeglasses, Jackson. He helped that harlot escape the cells.
Harlot?! I resent that remark. I really do.
Guardsman: The master of arms has ordered the drawbridge retracted. The fortress is sealed. Ha ha. If she's in here, she's trapped.
That was true, but what they didn't realize is that I wasn't stuck in here with them. They were stuck in here with me…Whatever that means. Anyway. But that wasn't all. They said that Daniel had been imprisoned in my stead for aiding and abetting a murderess, and he would suffer the same penalty she will. Execution. Right. So. No pressure then. Sometimes I even amaze myself. The layout of the corridors hadn't changed enough to fox me. Without capture or the need for further fisticuffs, I made it to the gallery. I'm good, aren't I? Now, Arigan was a nasty man, but he was a dull one, too, mentally speaking. Cunning, in an only unpleasant, crude sort of way. [Beep boop boop beep, Lock clicks open] And way too stupid to have changed his entry code to the gallery.
Vala: Déjà vu. Let's see if I can get it right this time. On three. One. Two. Three. Huh. No alarms.
[Gun cocks]
Vala: Ah. Mikta.
Arigan had a gun that was as large and as ugly as he was. One shot from that thing would reduce my head to a cloud of fine red mist. He'd been waiting for me in the gallery. Of course he'd been waiting for me! Like I said, he was stupid, but he was cunning. He glared at me. His face split in a sneer.
Arigan: Hello, Vala. Do you have anything to say to your husband?
Vala: Hi, honey! I'm home!
Arigan: [Growling] Don't mock me! Your life is in my hands.
But to be honest, mocking him was about the only thing I could do at that point. I had the Eye in my hands. Yanik's stolen gun was out of reach, and I didn't think he would fall for the "Catch" ploy a second time. And then he did something I wasn't expecting. He thanked me.
Arigan: Your wretched conspiracy with Latika to rob me was a blessing in disguise. After you fled, I turned it to my advantage. I cast you as the evil murderess, and myself as the victim.
Now, I've seen a lot of cons, run a few as well, and I have to say as far as swindlers go, Arigan showed some aptitude. It turns out, the warlord's popularity was on the wane when I showed up on Holdus. The commoners were getting sick of him, and if they rebelled, his hold on the territory would be lost. My botched robbery gave him the chance to court public favor. Arigan's men had seen me use the Eye on Latika. They didn't know what it was. They thought I'd killed her. News of that spread, and he played right into the role of tragic, dutiful husband. A few floods of false tears pretty soon he was using the incident to tighten his grip on Holdus. He used a lie to get the public behind him and rode it all the way. Only thing was, he had a Vala Mal Doran-shaped problem. But if he got rid of me, there'd be no one to challenge his version of events. He was so smug I wanted to punch him!
Arigan: And that is why you're going to be executed, woman! So the people can heal from the loss of their beloved Latika. So I can take all of Holdus for myself!
Vala: You know what, your Lordship? No! I've got other ideas.
I had the Eye in my hands. I remembered the activation sequence!
Vala: You lost me once Arigan, and now it's going to happen twice! Next time you see me, I'll be back with an SG Strike team.
I was all set to beam myself out of there when Arigan said,
Arigan: What do you think you are doing, woman?
Vala: Wave bye bye, Arigan. I'm going to use this to teleport myself away just like I did with your wife.
And then he laughed and he laughed. You know that moment? The first little inkling you get that something has gone very, very wrong? I had one of those. I asked him what was so damn funny. And he told me. They say a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. In all my arrogance, my overconfidence, I thought I'd known what I was doing with the artifact, but the truth was I was just a half-wit stabbing at the buttons. Arigan had a much better translation of the Ancient writing on the Eye. I'd got it wrong. It wasn't a portable teleporter at all. It was what he had been using for decades to disappear anyone who got in his way. The Eye of the Dawn was a disintegrator. It turned people into…into vapor. Yanik had been right all along. I killed Latika.
[Footsteps] I don't really remember surrendering. But I suppose I must have. It all became a bit of a blur. My mind was churning. I...I couldn't focus. Could I really have been so wrong? I always thought I was so clever. So quick. Was it possible I had made such a terrible mistake!? The Eye! I tried to save the life of a woman and her unborn child and instead…Was I really a murderer? Yanik arrived at the head of a squad of enforcers. He'd lost that awful hat somewhere along the way. I liked him better without it. Arigan's self satisfaction was so thick you could have sliced it with a knife. He crowed about catching me single handedly and showed off the Eye, telling everyone of how I had failed once more to complete my crime. Part of me wanted to say something. Defend myself, but suddenly it seemed pointless. I couldn't see anything except Latika. Latika, saying she trusted me. Yanik seemed conflicted, but he wasn't about to challenge the warlord.
Yanik: What are your orders, Excellency?
Arigan grinned. He'd won, and he knew it.
Arigan: I'm taking the woman to the great hall. Bring Dr. Jackson there and summon the court. We are not going to wait until high sun tomorrow. These off-worlders will be executed for their crimes now.
[The public gathers and yells indistinctly]
In front of Arigan, Yanik, sorted generals and justice ministers, the guardsmen brought us in and stood Daniel and me in the middle of the ornate chamber.
Daniel: Oof. Tough crowd.
Vala: You have no idea.
The warlord addressed the people. Laying it on thick. I swear there were actually tears in his eyes.
Arigan: My friends. Fate has smiled upon Holdus tonight. The hateful criminal murderess who so brutally took my beloved wife from us has fallen into our grasp. Vala Mala Doran…
Daniel: Mal Doran. It's MAL DORAN! Doesn't anyone ever listen to me?
He ignored Daniel.
Aarigan: A vicious off-worlder criminal and her Tau'ri lackey. They claim innocence, but all they have brought is violence.
[Public cheers]
Daniel: They're gonna kill us now, aren't they?
Vala: That's about the size of it.
Daniel: You're not gonna do something? Say something?
Vala: I'm sorry, Daniel. I let you down. I let everyone down.
Daniel: That's not the sort of thing I was thinking of. YANIK! JUSTICAR YANIK! Please! I know you're a reasonable man, and this is an extreme situation! You must intervene!
But Yanik shook his head. He wasn't happy that Arigan was short-cutting the whole Holdus legal system, but like I said before, no one on this planet had the guts to stand up to the warlord. And...I wasn't sure if I wanted him to. Everywhere I looked, I saw Latika's face. I felt something bleak and powerful deep inside me. I felt guilt. A sense of remorse stronger than anything I've ever experienced. Latika was dead, and it was my fault. I had to accept the blame. I couldn't jerk it.
Vala: Arigan, I accept my sentence! I killed Latika! But Daniel Jackson is innocent! I throw myself on your mercy, please! Let him live!
Daniel: Vala, don't! I know you! You are not a murderer!
The warlord liked having the power of life and death over people. You could see it. He finally nodded, making some noise about how merciful he was and agreed to spare Daniel, but on one condition.
Arigan: I have decided that the execution should be a poetic one! As this woman took the love of my life from me, so she should have her life taken by her lover!
Daniel: What? Who? We're not... [Stutters]
Arigan thrust the Eye of the Dawn into Daniel's hands and pointed him toward me. I knew what was coming next. The warlord nodded toward me.
Arigan: Your lover will experience my pain. The pain I felt when Latika was cruelly taken from me. Take it! Take the Eye and disintegrate her with it or perish yourself.
[Public continues to cheer]
But Daniel being Daniel, his attention was elsewhere.
Daniel: This is amazing. It's perfectly intact. Er. I've gotta say. Your translations…um...they're way off. The Ancient writing on the surface here doesn't say teleporter. It doesn't say disintegrator either.
Vala: What?
Daniel: You and Arigan have transposed the "loka" word root for "etha" and "zano." It's actually an easy mistake to make, though.
Vala: What does it really say then?
Daniel: It's interesting. The word means storehouse.
I take back what I said before. I really am smart and quick. Before anyone could stop me, I snatched the Eye from Daniel's hands and keyed the activation sequence I'd used on Latika-but this time I did it backwards. I mean, it's not like I had anything to lose, is it?
[Electricity zapping]
[Public gasps in surprise] Suddenly, there she was! Alive and unhurt!
Latika: Hello? What am I doing here?
Daniel: The Lady Latika, I presume?
Ha HAAAA! Latika, in all her pregnant glory, looking exactly the way she had when I zapped her in the arboretum! And Arigan! Oooh! His face was an absolute picture! I mean, REALLY! I haven't seen anything that funny in ages!
Vala: You see, my Lord. We were both wrong about the Eye of the Dawn. It doesn't beam people across great distances, and it doesn't turn them into clouds of free atoms. It's a device for storage! A bag of ultimate holding!
Daniel: Sam would know better than me, but the way I've figured it, the Eye...digitizes objects and converts them into data streams, which are...suspended in the sphere's memory for later retrieval. From the look of this, there could be hundreds, maybe thousands of patterns stored in there.
Arigan's was as pale as milk, and of course, why wouldn't he be. It wasn't just Latika that had been stored inside the artifact. All those people he thought he'd gotten rid of, when all along he just put them in a bottle.
[Electricity zapping repeatedly]
And now, we were going to bring more back. [Laughter] He's so screwed!
[Electricity zapping continues]
Latika grasped the situation right away. The moment the others started reappearing right there in the great hall, she called on Yanik to place her husband under arrest. No one had ever been able to put the blame on Arigan for the people he had removed, not until all of them came back at once and accused him of attempted murder. Yanik agreed.
Yanik: The law is the law. No man should stand above it. Warlord or not.
The last I saw of Arigan, he was being dragged away to the dungeon levels. I hope he gets the cell I had. I'm sure the rodents will keep him company.
[Stargate wormhole activates]
Daniel: That's our ride. Sending GDO code.
The father of Latika's child was in there, too. When she saw him again, it was…like the sun coming out. It was such a beautiful moment! Almost as beautiful as when Yanik told us that in light of the circumstances, all charges against Daniel and me had been annulled, and we were free to go.
Daniel: But he did hint rather strongly that you should never ever ever come back to Holdus again.
Vala: Yep. I'm not going to be losing a lot of sleep over that. But thank you, Daniel. Thanks for getting my back.
Daniel: It's what I do.
Vala: Heh. Really? And...what else do you do? I mean, I think I should know, as your lover.
Daniel: Uh...wh- my what?
Vala: Well, that fact is now a matter of legal record on Holdus which makes it true, for all intents and purposes. Hmmm. I can't wait to tell Sam and the others.
Daniel: Wh-...I'll tell you what. You won't say anything about that…
Vala: Hey! That's my backpack!
Daniel: And I won't say anything about you trying to steal the Eye of the Dawn, AGAIN!
Vala: After all the trouble it has caused, I might have thought they might be happier without it.
Daniel: Uh. Hey you! Guard! Catch!
Vala: You're no fun.
Daniel: You try to pilfer that thing twice and both times almost got you killed. Haven't you learned your lesson by now!
Vala: What can I say. Third time's a charm.
[Wormhole closes]
THE END.