AN: This takes place a year after the end of the movie. They say the big battle is an annual thing. So this takes place at the next one. After defeating the king Augie joined Xanthia once again, and Danny joined with him, because he actually had a lot of fun at the battle and he just liked hanging out with Augie. They're genuine friends. Wheeler and Ronnie only did it as a one time thing though, so they had to rejoin Xanthia if they wanted to belong to a team. Augie dated Esplin for 3 months and the kingdoms of Xanthia and Navalore ruled in alliance, Esplin as Queen and Augie her King. Unfortunately Esplin (aka Sara) and her family decided to move to California so she and Augie broke up. She made sure to let him kill her on the battlefield before she left though, so he could remain the legitimate untested King. This fan fiction exists because Christopher Mintz-Plasse is fucking hot, especially in this movie. And I felt like that needed some appreciation.
Rated R for a reason, be advised. This some hella graphic wish fulfillment shit. I liked the idea of Augie having sex with some random girl he barely knows from L.A.I.R.E, rather then him having a girlfriend he has sex with. The idea of some random girl just jumping him because he's the king makes me laugh. So that's why this isn't with Esplin.
Augie walked through the woods where they had the battle grounds set up, smiling and trying his best to look regal as people kneeled before him as he passed. He would never get used to seeing it, it felt so cool to be so important. Danny walked behind him talking battle strategy when suddenly Augie froze.
"Who be this fair maiden Lunesta?" He asked Danny as he caught glimpse of a beautiful red haired young elven woman standing in a booth serving bowls soup.
Danny rolled his eyes, "Seriously dude, I don't care that you're the king, I'm not doing this whole weird talking bull shit. To the other's I'm Lunesta, when it's just us I'm Danny, you're Augie. Don't be weird." Danny told him.
Augie nodded. "Fair enough. Who's the red head over at the booth?" He asked gesturing his head in her direction but trying not to stare or point.
"Oh, that's the soup girl." Danny told him like it was obvious. Augie looked at him confused. "What you've never met the soup girl? She's been here for the last 5 or 6 scrimmages. I mean she's still fairly new but still, it's been like 3 months, are you telling me you're just now noticing her?" Danny asked baffled. "Wow, you are so hung up on Sara still."
"No I'm not!" Augie replied annoyed. "I got over that months ago, honestly. I've just been busy with other kingly duties, the Navalore have been seriously up my butt about their titles since Sara left." he explained. "... So, um, like what's her deal? You know her?" He asked Danny.
"Not really. I think her name's like Emma, or some shit like that. Couldn't tell you her made up name. Her dad fights in Navalore, hence the elf." He said pointing to her ensemble. "Oh, and I know she's 17, because Wheeler tried to hit on her last time he came by. It was actually pretty funny."
Augie looked back over at her and smiled. She was truly one of the more beautiful women he'd ever seen. What was she doing playing L.A.I.R.E? This girl was like real world hot, not just nerdy fantasy girl hot. Like objectively other people in the world would see her and think she was insanely hot. She looked to be tall, she had long flowing red hair that hung down past her waist that she wore in exquisite braids. And her dress pushed her already large breasts up into a very appealing position.
"Just go say hi, talk to her." Danny said nudging his friend.
"W-what? No, I couldn't." Augie protested shyly.
"Dude, you're literally the King. You can do whatever you want." Danny pointed out.
Augie looked at him confidently. "You're right, I am the king!" He said proudly, adjusted his crown atop his head and walked over to the booth.
As he approached she looked at him, blushed, and smiled. "Greetings, my King Bluphken." She said kindly curtsying then standing up and smiling at him.
Augie lost all cool and became flustered the minute she looked at him with her forest green eyes. "Uh, um, hey." He smiled awkwardly at her.
"Hey." She replied, copying his simple language and smiling brightly at him.
Augie tried to regain some of his composure. "And what might the name of thy fair maiden be?" He asked smoothly.
She blushed slightly. "Solona. My father is a member Navalore." She explained and pointed out a middle aged man practicing hitting a tree with a styrofoam sword.
"And you my lady? Where might your alliances be?"
"My alliances are to L.A.I.R.E, and it's members. I've never been one for fighting, but I love this world so much I had to be part of it some how. And while I may not be able to fight, I am a damn good cook. Speaking of, what'll you have?" She explained to him then gestured down at the table where they had bowls of stew laid of and a couple other things cooking in the back.
"Just a bowl of stew will do, thank you my lady Solona." He told her trying to sound polite and likable.
She handed him the bowl and smiled when their hands brushed each other.
"You can just call me Emma if you want." She said in a normal casual voice, breaking character, smiling widely at him. She liked him.
"Oh, okay. Well it's nice to meet you Emma. I- I'm Augie. I'm sure you're not that bad of a fighter, why don't you join in a battle sometime? They're very fun." He told her.
"Really I am, I have no reflexes, I'm not coordinated, fast, or strong enough, I'd die in a second flat. I can however, cook, moderately well if I do say so myself. And it's fun to cook period themed meals for everybody." She explained.
"Well that's nice you found you-" then a horn was blown in the distance. "Oh, well I must be off now. But thank you for the stew!" He told her.
"No problem Augie." She smiled at him. "Best of luck in battle."
"Thank you, best of luck in... around kitchen fire's" He through out as a last ditch effort at something that made sense.
She laughed. "Thank you, they're a serious hazard." And he was off.
Over the next month Augie and Emma became friendly acquaintances. They never talked outside of L.A.I.R.E, but when they did see each other they smiled, exchanged pleasantry's, and sometimes even attempted small talk. They were always smiling at each other whenever Danny looked at them, and he gave Augie endless shit about doing the exact same thing he did with Esplin where he waited for almost a year for her to even smile back at him.
The day of the big annual battle arose, this time it was a weekend event and there were tents set up all over the woods. Augie was especially nervous but gained confidence before the battle when Emma told him he would kill it and gave him a kiss on the cheek for good luck. The battle went off without a hitch. Augie, Danny and the rest of Xanthia fought their asses off and kept the castle. Augie had a major one on one battle between him and a Cassadonaina solider at the end. Of which he came out victorious, the camp hailed him as their king and then the festivities and celebrations began.
Augie was standing and admiring a large bonfire when suddenly he felt a presence approach beside him. He looked to his left and saw Emma. "My lady Solona, good afternoon."
"My King Bluphken, would you mind if I had a word with you in private for a moment?" She asked giving him a flirtatious look.
He looked back at her shocked. "Um, uh, yes. Sure sure, I could spare a moment." He stuttered out.
"Right this way." She said grabbing his hand and leading him off away from others. He looked back at Danny frightened, but Danny just smirked and gave him a thumbs up.
They kept walking, further and further away, until there was absolutely no one left around the, "So, my lady Solona.. what did you wish to sp-" He began to ask wearily but was cut off when she pushed him against a tree, "Wha-"
"You were so hot out there today!" She looked into his eyes with admiration.
Augie blushed, "What? No, that was just.. You really thought I was hot?" He asked excitedly.
"So hot!" She said excitedly, then she leaned forward grabbed the sides of his face and kissed him passionately.
Augie froze with his eyes open for a moment before kissing her back passionately. He was kind of clumsy and inexperienced, but she didn't mind. He wrapped his arms around her waist pulling her close to him as they kissed. His lips were soft, and he mouth was warm. They were both completely enveloped in how hot the kiss was. Augie had never been kissed like this before, not even by Sara, most they did was a longer casual make out. But Augie could tell this was more then just a make out. Emma meant business, and he was so okay with that.
They separated to catch their breath and Emma smiled caressing his face. "Wow." She laughed happily and out of breath .
"Wow, yeah. That's a word for that." He replied in the same tone.
Emma moved and began to kiss his upper neck by his ear. Augie tried his best not to laugh at the ticklish sensation. "Hey Augie." Emma whispered while kissing his ear.
He shivered at the sound of her voice. "Yeah Emma?"He whispered in return, as he shut his eys and let himself just feel everything that was going on around him. While she kissed his neck, his hands had found their way down to holding her ass, and she wasn't sopping him and he was sure he was in absolute heaven.
"Do you have a tent we could... use?" She asked seductively and his eyes shot open.
"Um, use for what?" He asked nervously and excitedly. Emma didn't answer, she only responded by sucking his ear lobe. "Yeah, yeah I do. It's over on the very edge of the Xanthion camp. I can't sleep around noise so it's pretty far away from the other's." He began to babble.
She stopped kissing him, and smiled at him. "Perfect. Meet me there in 10 minutes." She winked at him then walked away.
Augie leaned back against the tree, took a couple deep breaths, then took a few more when he realized he had a boner and couldn't exactly walk around yet. When he could walk again, he ran back to find Danny and pulled him away from a conversation.
"Danny I need your help." He sped through his words frantically.
"Whoa there killer, what's going on?" He asked simply.
"So, um, well. Emma just like jumped me in the woods and things were getting pretty uh, hot and.. heavy. And well, she told me to meet her in my tent in 6 minutes and, I think she wants to do.. it, or something like it." He explained frantically. "What do I do?"
Danny just smiled at him. "Wow way to go man!" He congratulated
"No but Danny, what do I do?" He asked nervously again.
"What do you mean what do you do? You go to your tent, and you have sex, or whatever it is she wants you to do, with that super hot girl. Who now that I've said that, it's weird for me to say about an underaged girl, but not weird for you to do, because you're also not 18. Go. Enjoy." Danny encouraged.
"But, I don't. I just I don't.. know how." He said nervously again.
"Once you get there it's pretty self explanatory." Danny laughed, clapping him on the shoulder. "Now go, you've got a smoking red head waiting for you to rock her middle earth." Augie gave him a weird look for the reference. "Weird phrasing sorry." Augie nodded then walked off nervously.
He arrived at his tent, took a few deep breaths then went in. Emma was sitting on the ground smiling up at him. "Uh, hi Emma." He greeted awkwardly.
"Man you're cute." She said smiling up at him then grabbing his hands and pulling him down to her level.
She laid back on the ground and he followed her lead, laying beside her and almost completely above her on the ground. She reached up grabbed his face and kissed him again. He kissed her back and ran his hands up and down her side. She grabbed his hand as they kissed and brought it up to cup her breast. He opened his eyes in surprise at the sensation. She looked back at him and nodded giving him permission to touch her. He squeezed her breath lightly and shuttered in delight. He smiled like a kid in a candy store. "You are so hot." He said brusquely just staring at her breasts as he palpated them.
She looked him in the eyes with a ferocity. "You, are so hot." She repeated back to him kissing him more passionately then ever.
"You're so hot" He repeated between kisses.
"You're so hot." She repeated back, after he kissed her for a few more minutes she spoke out of breath. "I want you to fuck me." She panted.
Augie jumped back sitting up beside her on the ground. "You want me to what?" He looked at her shocked, eyes wide.
She sat up too, pushing herself further away from him. "I'm sorry. Was that too forward was that too much?" She asked embarrassed.
"Oh, um, no. It's alright, I was just supri- I'm sorry." Augie apologized. He did want to, he was just shocked by her bluntness. He was shocked any of this was happening to him at all. That she was here at all. He didn't understand why she was the instigator of this interaction. Why did she, a beautiful, super model hot, red head, want to be with him. Gawky, skinny, geeky Augie. He didn't want to question it too much though. And he wasn't going to try and talk her out of it.
"No, I'm sorry, that was too much. I shouldn't have assumed.." She was so humiliated. She had just thrown herself at this guy she barely knew, why would she have just assumed he wanted to progress the way she did.
"No no, you should have!" He assured her. "Please, continue assuming. I was just, I've never heard anyone say that to me before. It took me a second to process." He explained. "I want you to assume. Really, I do." He told her.
She smiled at him. "Really?"
"Really." He insisted.
"So you're sure you want to continue?" She asked genuinely.
"Oh yeah, definitely sure." He laughed.
"Ok, good." She told him, then hesitantly moved her hands behind her back. She undid her bra clasp, unlaced her vest and let it fall off of her shoulders. She lifted her blouse out from within her skirt and pulled it and her bra over her head. Augie stared at her naked chest slack jawed in amazement. She smiled at him and moved closer, sitting atop his lap, straddling her legs on either side of him and hugging her chest closely to him. "So, where were we?" She asked seductively as she began to to kiss his neck. Augie gulped.
Augie ran his hands up and down her bare back, trying to keep his calm. There was a hot, topless girl kissing his neck and grinding on him, and frankly it was a little hard to keep from getting too excited. Emma untied his cape and let it fall to the ground. She then began to loose the ties of his shirt and pulled it off over his head. His skinny chest pressed against her large breasts as she kissed him again. She ran her fingers through his hair, pulling at the nape of his neck as their tongues wrestled for dominance. She ground down rhythmically on his growing bulge. Emma wasn't wearing underwear, and she could feel her skirt getting wet in the areas it overlapped with their laps.
Emma pushed Augie back so that he layed on the ground flat on his back, she was still straddling his lap. He looked up at her and smiled. "This is awesome." He spoke, winded.
Emma laughed, "Oh, trust me Augie. It's about to get a lot more awesome." She leaned down and kissed him, pulling her long hair to the side of her face. She moved down to his jaw and then to his neck. She worked her way down his body stopping at his belt line and removing his pants. She kissed his erection through his boxers and his entire body flinched. She pulled his boxers down and his erection sprung free. It was decently sized and she stared at it lustfully. He watched her, not knowing what she'd do next.
"I really want to suck your dick right now." She spoke lustfully. Augie gulped. "But you're a teenage guy, and I'm guessing you're not too experienced, so I'm betting once we get started, things will happen.. rather quickly." She explained. Augie looked a little embarrassed, but he knew she was right. "And I'd rather spend that limited time on the main event." She told him.
"That's reasonable." He admitted she was right. She leaned over and grabbed a condom out from her bag in the tent. She rolled it down his shaft and moved forward and kissed him once again. This time, he held her face, and she could feel his member twitching between her thighs.
"I'll suck your dick another time." She said seductively as she moved her hand in between his thighs to guide his member to her entrance. Augie gulped. Emma took a deep breath then sat up and moved down onto his dick, filling her up with everything he had. Augie shuttered and she gasped and breathed into the sensation. She stayed in place. "You good?" She asked him.
He breathed deeply and nodded. "Wait, aren't I supposed to be asking you that? You're the one being.. penetrated." He stated awkwardly.
Emma laughed. "Yeah, I know. I'm fine." He looked a little hurt. "No no, I don't mean like that." She assured him that she wasn't saying his dick was small. "You feel great. Really." She told him. "I just wanted to check in on how you were feeling. Make sure you weren't, you know, over whelmed or anything... I want this to last a while, so if at any point you feel like you're getting close, or like it's too much, just let me know and I'll calm it back down." She explained.
"Okay. I will. I'm good right now though. Really good." He said happily looking at her chest.
"Good." She smirked and then ground her hips in a circle over him. He shuttered again and she began to move backward and forwards, up and down, atop him. She pressed her hands into his chest to stabilize herself, then hung her head back moaning as she rode him. He felt incredible.
Augie grabbed a hold of her hips and directed her movement, she smirked at him. "Taking charge, I like it." She panted.
"Oh yeah?" Augie pressed his hand into her hip and placed the other behind her back holding her securely, before maneuvering them so she now laid on her back and he laid down into her between her thighs. "How about this?" He said flirtatiously. She smiled at him.
"God you're sexy." she shuttered and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pulling him in closer.
He leaned down and kissed her passionately as he began to pump himself in and out of her. She moaned into the kiss. He thrust into her faster and faster deeper and deeper. Their faces moving next to each other as they both panted. She dug her hands into his shoulders pulling him closer and deeper into her. He was a much better lover then she ever could have imagined. Once he got the hang of things, he was no longer awkward. He was confident, and strong. He was sure of his movements, and Emma was absolutely in love with him taking charge of things.
After about 10-15 minutes of thrusting, panting, lip biting, and boob grabbing Augie had reached his limit.
"It's happening, I'm gonna cum!" He said screwing up his face in delight as he thrust faster and faster into her. Suddenly he could no longer contain himself and he exploded into her. She moaned at the warm feeling. She was nearly there herself. She wasn't used to the feeling, he was definitely one of the best she'd ever been with.
Suddenly there was a sound of moving fabric and Danny' voice shouting "Really don't!" Emma and Augie looked over at the tents entrance and flung themselves on to each other when they saw Artonius staring at them shocked.
"Dude!" Augie yelled, too shocked to pull out of her. Emma just pulling her arms up to cover her breasts.
Danny came running over and grabbed Artonius, pulling him away from the tent. "Sorry guys. Sorry. I tried to stop him. We're going." Danny yelled before they heard him walk off.
Augie looked back at her mortified. "I am so sorry." He was humiliated. "He probably just wanted to borrow something. I'm always telling him not to just come in here. Oh my god I am so sorry."
Emma just laughed, she was so embarrassed she couldn't think of what else to do. "It's alright, I mean nothing you could have done." She brought her hands up to cover her eyes. "Bright side, it'll be a funny story." She joked. Augie was amazed at how care free she seemed.
"So um, should I... Pull out of you now?" He asked.
"Probably." She told him.
He laid down beside her and they both breathed heavily. "That was really incredible." He told her.
"It was." She agreed.
"Really? I was.." Augie asked self consciously.
"Oh yeah." She assured him.
"Did you, uh.. you know?" He asked nervously.
She thought for a second then realized what he was talking about. "Oh, no. But it's fine. I got close, and I'll just knock one out later if I really want." She told him.
"No, you shouldn't have to do that." He said looking back at her determined.
"What do you mean?" She asked confused.
"I've always thought that was stupid. That guys just cum so easily and expect women to figure it out later for themselves." He said sitting up.
Emma laughed. "Yeah, I've always thought it was stupid too but-"
"But nothing. I came, you're cumming too. It's only fair." He said adamantly and reasonably then moved down, placing his head between her thighs. She opened up her legs for him and he kissed her thighs sending shivers up her spine. He then went right in and started to drag his tongue along her opening. First slow, then fast, flicking her where she was most sensitive. She closed her eyes and moaned letting herself feel this. He brought up two of his fingers and began to pump them inside of her. She brought her hands down to pull his hair. It felt so good it almost hurt. After a few moments she couldn't take it any more, she arched her back and yelled in ecstasy. Bringing Augie's cape up to her mouth so she wouldn't be so loud. Augie replaced her skirt over her legs and laid back down next to her.
"Holy shit. How did you do that?" She asked in amazement, panting and out of breath.
"I've seen some things. I know some stuff." He said confidently.
"God you're hot." She said leaning over and closing the distance between them, kissing him once again.
"You are so fucking hot." He repeated her sentiment and kissed her back.
That's the end of my story. I don't care what you liked or you didn't like. I wrote this for me. Deal.