"Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers." ~Tony Robbin
Chapter 19: Reassigned
"Yakushi…Kabuto," A tall, slender man said coldly, sliding into the seat opposite Kabuto. His dark, shoulder-length hair was greasy and unkempt, but his gray eyes glinted like knives. "You have information for us, I hear."
Kabuto shrugged, about the only movement possible with his arms, legs, torso and forehead restrained.
Ishikawa Takeshi pulled out a very thick file and began flipping through it calmly. Kabuto thought that was pretty unprofessional of him. Takeshi must be really unprepared… he hadn't even bothered to memorize the entire file before coming in to interrogate him. Kabuto himself had always memorized every detail he could regarding his prisoners before interrogations. It was a little frustrating to be interrogated by an amateur. At least Ibiki had been prepared.
"Yo, Takeshi, I'm here, not in your little pile of papers," Kabuto snapped irritably.
Takeshi glanced up, appearing confused for a moment before scowling. "Don't get smart with me, Yakushi."
"That's a good idea, Ishikawa. After all, you wouldn't be able to follow along if I did."
Takeshi blinked in surprise. "Excuse me?" He wondered why Ibiki had said the young man was a bit snippy, but fairly polite compared to most prisoners. Then again, at least the boy wasn't swearing at him. …Yet. Additionally, he hadn't had the chance to interrogate too many valuable prisoners, such as this boy. Perhaps the valuable prisoners were less easy to get along with…? Shrugging, Takeshi raked his eyes across the file. For a young fellow, this guy had certainly seen it all… Akatsuki, Orochimaru, espionage, necrophilia… Takeshi shook his head. This kid was seriously messed up.
"Hey. Hey. Are you going to ask me questions or just bore me to death?"
It was hard to concentrate on the file when the stupid kid wouldn't keep his mouth shut. Takeshi glanced at one of the two ANBU who had accompanied him. "Would you gag him, please?"
Kabuto blinked. "Excuse me? I thought you were interrogating me. This is going to work out soooo well."
Takeshi ignored him, but the ANBU exchanged glances. They rather agreed with Kabuto.
"Look, here's an idea. I can give you tips on how to interrogate me, and then you won't be the laughingstock of the entire Konoha interrogations division," Kabuto said loudly, his voice grating on Takeshi's nerves.
"First: memorize my file before you get in here to interrogate me," Kabuto informed him. "Second: get me comfortable. The whole restraints thing doesn't really foster cooperation. Third: Water. I might get thirsty, answering all of your questions. Fourth: Prepare some questions beforehand. Just keep shooting them at me and hope I accidentally let loose with something I should have held back. Fifth: Let me interrogate myself. Just get me rambling about something that's important to me and pay very close attention to what I have to say, you never know what could be valuable information. There's more, but I don't know if your very tiny brain will be able to retain this information, much less any other assistance I might provide."
The ANBU exchanged glances again. Somehow it was disheartening to realize the prisoner was better at interrogating than one of Konoha's interrogations experts.
Takeshi glanced at the ANBU, eyes narrowed. "I said to gag him."
"Yeah, that'll work out great," Kabuto snorted before opening his mouth wide and saying "Ahhhhhh" like a little kid at the doctor's office. I would never have been able to do this with Ibiki, Kabuto thought with amusement, He keeps a tight reign on the conversation. But this guy's a joke!
The two ANBU exchanged glances for a third time, and one finally shrugged and moved over to Kabuto, swiftly gagging him.
Kabuto winked slowly at the ANBU, then wiggled his eyebrows. The ANBU gave him a disgusted look, then stepped away. Kabuto felt himself grinning. Who knew interrogations could be so fun?
About an hour after that, Takeshi finished reading the file and had Kabuto ungagged. Three hours later, Kabuto's mouth was beginning to get dry. He'd been telling Takeshi all about the Akatsuki's amazing dental plan, and Hidan's chocolate chip cookies (the secret ingredient was bone marrow). Takeshi himself had not appreciated the intel, and had alternated between gagging Kabuto and yelling at him.
When Takeshi wasn't yelling or gagging Kabuto, he was flipping frantically through the file, trying to find something to combat Kabuto's scathing sarcasm, but wasn't having much luck. He also was too flustered to come up with any good questions, and finally sent Kabuto back to Shikamaru, frustrated and defeated.
Kabuto hadn't felt better in years.
"I just don't understand it!" Takeshi growled, storming into the office of Morino Ibiki. "That kid is aggravating and sly, yet... he won't stop talking! Isn't the first rule of being interrogated not to talk?"
"It does take some getting used to," Ibiki drawled, glancing up from his clipboard and raising an eyebrow. "Why are you stomping into my office, Ishikawa-san? Yours is down the hall."
Takeshi stiffened, throwing a glare at Ibiki, who was already back to scanning the paperwork on his clipboard. "That kid is a nightmare!"
"Honestly Ishikawa-san, if you can't handle a 'kid,' what sort of interrogator are you?" Ibiki sneered, not even looking up from his papers.
Takeshi gritted his teeth, not answering.
"Look," Ibiki said after a moment, glancing up from his work, "I don't like you much, but I like Yakushi even less, so I'm going to let you in on a little secret that - had you read your paperwork - you should know, but..." Ibiki smirked. "...we all know that you are lazy, Ishikawa-san."
Takeshi clenched his fists and glanced at the lower right-hand corner of the room, his gaze cutting into the small spiderweb hanging there.
"That being said, Yakushi does possess some weak points that you would do well to take advantage of during your next interrogation session." Ibiki glanced back down at his clipboard. "You see, Yakushi holds a strong grudge against the leadership of this village. I'm still not entirely sure why, which irks me." Ibiki scowled at the last bit. "Additionally, he feels very strongly about Orochimaru."
"I heard he was gay for the Sannin," Takeshi sneered. "I'll be sure to-"
"You're a fool," Ibiki interrupted. "Any idiot could see Yakushi felt nothing of that sort towards his master. It's something else."
Takeshi frowned. "What, then?"
Ibiki shrugged one shoulder. "Devotion, adoration... gratefulness...love of a platonic sort, perhaps. I'd say that to Yakushi, Orochimaru is a father figure, a hero, even. But certainly not a lover."
Takeshi narrowed his eyes. "Why should I believe you?"
Ibiki slammed his clipboard down, causing the wilted flowers in a delicate vase on the right corner of his desk to shiver violently. "Because, contrary to your perception, I am not your enemy. I am offering you valuable intelligence in order for you to breakthat stupid boy and get our information so we can deal with him appropriately."
Takeshi scowled at Ibiki, wanting to mouth off at the man, but knowing better. Instead, he growled unintelligibly and spun quickly on his heel, exiting the room without another word.
A/N: Yes, I know it's been too long... I am so sorry for the wait. We do have more chappies coming soon, and since Midnight Anime Angel and I will be living near each other again and writing together will be easier to accomplish! Yay! in the meantime, look forward to seeing another chapter in the next week or so, or possibly longer...