"We accept the love we think we deserve." ~ Stephen Chbosky,The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Chapter 25: All You Need Is...

Ibiki was trying desperately to find a position in his hospital chair that did not cause his rear end to suffer from an unfortunate and uncomfortable numbness and was shuffling paperwork. Yakushi was sitting at about a 45 degree angle, head lolled back, staring almost unblinkingly at the ceiling.

Ibiki glanced over at the kid, almost feeling sorry for him. He scowled. That had to change. He set down his papers. "Yakushi," he said firmly, "we need to talk."

The only response he received was a slight twitch of the kid's right eye. Not exactly what he'd been hoping for.

"Yakushi," he repeated himself, a bit more firmly. Ibiki sighed, and stood slowly, lowering himself onto the edge of the bed and gazing down at the pale teen. "Kabuto."

The kid continued staring up at the ceiling, blinking once.

Ibiki sighed. "Look, son, I can't help you unless you're willing to talk." The endearing term just sort of slipped out. Ibiki would have cursed, but didn't want to cause the very-polite nature of the kid any consternation.

Kabuto's eyes were fixed on Ibiki, the charcoal-grey glinting slightly. Realizing that Ibiki had noticed his reaction, his eyes quickly returned to the ceiling, but his brow was furrowed ever-so-slightly.

Ibiki blinked twice, and was tempted to go for his notebook but restrained himself, sensing that he was onto something. As long as he didn't treat this kid as an interrogations subject and treated him more like a small child, he was oddly receptive. It wasn't at all what he'd been expecting from this hardened criminal, but somehow Yakushi managed to defy practically every expectation anyway.

Moving slowly, Ibiki gently laid a hand on Kabuto's shoulder. "The longer you keep your emotions bottled up, the more it's going to hurt you."

Kabuto's eyes slid over ever so slightly, an incredulous glint in his dark eyes. He quirked one eyebrow slightly.

Ibiki scowled. "Yeah, so, I don't really do pep talks. Or heart-to-hearts."

Kabuto rolled his eyes.

"Don't get smart with me, young man," Ibiki said sternly. "We will be talking."

Again with the incredulous look.

"We've already got one half of the conversation going," Ibiki replied. What am I doing? He wondered to himself. I'm starting to sound as cheeky as Yakushi.

An amused glint in Kabuto's eye showed that he was thinking along the same lines.

"Don't get cocky," Ibiki growled, moving back to his chair and picking up his paperwork before glancing over the top of the pages pointedly. "We aren't done here."

Kabuto shrugged one shoulder.

Ibiki sighed, reaching for his teacup, only to realize it was empty. He punched at the nurse button irritably. Shizune appeared quickly. "What's wrong?!" she cried, hands at her medical pack.

Kabuto stared at her, not really sure.

Ibiki hauled himself back out of the butt-numbing chair. "I need a refill," he said, extending the cup. "Spike it."

Shizune stared at him for a long moment, wondering if he was serious. "This is a hospital. That nurse button is for emergencies. Not ALCOHOL."

"Just grab some from your boss's stash, if you would," Ibiki said, handing her the cup and patting her hand patronizingly.

Shizune smoldered at him for a long moment, then whirled on her heel and stalked away, cup in hand.

Ibiki chuckled to himself and settled back down in the chair before groaning. "I should put a few of these in interrogations," he grunted. "A few hours in these chairs and most criminals would sing like a canary."

Iruka was minding his own business, going through and grading test papers from the ninja academy when a dark shadow was cast over his desk. He turned around to tell Kakashi he wasn't interested in another game of shogi, only to pale slightly at the sight of the unexpected visitor.

Ibiki nodded once in greeting. "Iruka," he said. "I require your expertise in an interrogations matter."

Iruka felt his mouth drop open. "Um… I don't think I heard you correctly. I could have sworn you said that you need my help interrogating someone."

"Well, not exactly. I want to study your methods."

Iruka frowned. "I don't have any methods."

"I want to know how you deal with stubborn children," Ibiki clarified.

Iruka blinked. "Don't tell me the Hokage has you assigned to children now."

Ibiki sighed. "Here is the scenario. A child whose early years were likely abuse-filled and full of neglect has suffered a triggering experience and has closed off from the outside world. How would you get him to open up?"

Iruka frowned slightly. "Well, it depends on his personality. What is he like?"

"Polite, but also enjoys stirring up conflict," Ibiki drawled, "He's a conceited, sarcastic, aloof, smart-mouthed kid with a hide as thick as a rhinoceros."

Iruka frowned, stroking his chin lightly. "Hmm," he mused quietly. "Does this child have a family?"

Ibiki scowled. "Of a sort."

Iruka continued stroking. "Cryptic," he noted, tossing a glance in Ibiki's direction before continuing, "And your intimidation techniques haven't gotten anything out of him?"

"He's used to interrogation methods," Ibiki explained. "He's rather an expert in the field."

Iruka froze in mid-stroke. "It's Kabuto, isn't it?"

Ibiki sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Umino. Just answer the question."

"Kabuto is a sensitive soul. He needs encouragement and positive reinforcement, not more distrust and rejection,"Iruka snapped, "He needs a strong protective figure in his life to admire and aspire to be."

Ibiki fought very hard against the urge to roll his eyes, but was ultimately unsuccessful. "You mean a figure like Orochimaru?"

"You would have preferred Sasori? Zetsu, maybe? Or perhaps Pain?" Iruka fixed a withering glare on Ibiki. "In case you hadn't noticed, he didn't grow up with a whole lot of positive role models to choose from."

"The Kabuto you knew was a lie created by Sasori's puppet strings and Orochimaru's machinations," Ibiki pointed out. "Whatever boy you thought you knew, that's not who he really was."

Iruka was shaking his head even before Ibiki finished, his face drawn into a disappointed frown. "The twisted minds of those men could never understand the sweet sincerity of a child who just wants to be loved," Iruka said darkly, clenching and unclenching his fists, a faraway look in his eyes. Ibiji felt that spark of intuition that Iruka wasn't necessarily talking only about Yakushi. But that was beyond his scope for the day, as was the ridiculous thing Iruka had just claimed.

"You act as though love is the end-all solution for the world's problems," Ibiki snorted.

"Well just because some people are incapable of love doesn't mean it's not a powerful force in other people's lives," Iruka snapped, pushing his face into Ibiki's. "I don't suppose violence has elicited much of a response from him?"

"Depends on what you mean by 'response,'" Ibiki replied.

"Oh, I don't know, valuable intel? You know he's got it. Has he shared any of his knowledge?" Ibiki glowered back at Iruka, not appreciating the way a Chunin-sensei felt confident enough in his argument to stare him down. Then again, this was the same Chunin whose mission desk shifts were notorious among active shinobi who liked cutting corners when it came to paperwork. Iruka was passionate about the village, and it's people. He may not agree with the Chunin on most things, but they were at least united on that front.

Ibiki didn't have an answer for Iruka, so he scowled.

Iruka's glower gradually morphed into an expression closely resembling a smirk. "I didn't think so."

This mother hen sure can turn into a mother bear if you ruffle his feathers, Ibiki mused wryly. Though he may be right about this. Yakushi did respond more favorably when I treated him like a valuable individual rather than as a prisoner.

Iruka was still rattling on about how love was the most powerful force in the world, and that, in their pursuit of antipathy, Shinobi often lost sight of how powerful it truly was, but Ibiki had already tuned him was a waste of his time. And Ibiki hated wasting time. Without another word, he strode off, deciding that a chat with Hatake Kakashi was in order.

After an ambiguous yet enlightening conversation with the Copy Nin, Ibiki returned to the hospital room where Yakushi was resting comfortably. At least, he was supposed to be comfortable. Instead, he looked rather like a bespectacled two-by-four that had been through a hurricane. Frazzled, warped, and stiff, Kabuto looked anything but at ease. He did relax upon Ibiki's reentry.

Ibiki cleared his cluster of nurses huddling around the end of Yakushi's bed glanced up. Ibiki gestured at the door. There was no invitation in his gaze, rather a distinct command. It would be prudent to comply. Otherwise he couldn't be held responsible for what may happen later. The nurses scattered, whizzing by Ibiki on their way out with mumbled apologies.

"Don't apologize to me, apologize to the petrified kid in the bed," Ibiki groused. "Sheesh. Doctors." He glanced at Kabuto, before smirking. "Yeah, that includes you."

All he got was a blink, and a bit of shuffling in the bed as Kabuto allowed himself to relax a bit more. Ibiki wandered in and plopped down on the end of the bed, glancing through some papers before turning to Kabuto with an explanation. "That chair is a torture instrument. I refuse to subject myself to one more second of discomfort."

A tiny smile twitched at the edge of Kabuto's mouth.

"Am I to believe that you find my numb rear end amusing?" Ibiki prompted.

Kabuto shrugged one shoulder.

"Oh come on," Ibiki cajoled, "that's not much of an answer."

A bit of a glint in his eye, Kabuto shrugged again.

Ibiki caught sight of a tray of food, untouched. "Oh, so they took you off the IV nutrients, then?" He asked. He got no reply, not that he'd really been expecting one. "You haven't touched your food."

Another shrug.

"Now, this just won't do," Ibiki said, grabbing the tray and walking up towards Kabuto. "Come on, this suspicious-looking Jello is just what you need to perk up."

Kabuto just raised an eyebrow.

"There's also this nice soupy rice porridge stuff. It'll be nice and easy on your stomach. You should eat some." Ibiki glanced at Kabuto, who just shrugged. Again. Ibiki sighed. This wasn't working. With a grunt, he wandered over to the nurse button and jabbed at it vigorously.

Shizune came tearing into the room a moment later. "What's wrong?" she cried again, only to see Ibiki standing there with a self-satisfied expression. "WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT NURSE BUTTONS AND EMERGENCIES?"

Ibiki shrugged. "I want some food. And a new chair."

Shizune glared at him. "Do I look like a waitress?"

"Perhaps, but that's beside the point," Ibiki replied. "I want you to get me some sushi. Preferably expensive cuts, I don't eat cheap food. Makes me break out in hives."

"You make me break out in hives," Shizune snapped.

"Just bring me some food. And another cup of tea. No need to spike it this time."

Shizune glared at him, then stomped off. Ibiki wasn't sure if she was actually going to get him anything or not. Hopefully she'd bring him a new chair, if nothing else.

A/N: So hey. It's, uh... been awhile. *ducks flying fruit* I know, I know... well, since I'm still halfway around the world from my coauthor, and time zones are... complex... this fic really hasn't seen much action. However, I recently got back into Naruto fanfic and ended up "accidentally" starting a oneshot series that centers on a sliiight pre-canon tweak that made my writer brain very happy (basically the premise is "what if Iruka and Itachi were in the same graduating class at the Academy?" and spirals from there).

And as I was writing, I found myself wondering "hey did I have anything left on that old kabuto fic?" and I checked, and lo and behold, I did have some. I still have some of my notes for this fic, though unfortunately three laptops later I'm definitely missing a lot. Plust I'm fairly certain a lot of the plans for this fic never left the minds of i and my coauthor. That being said, I do still really like the premise of this fic and I'd like to see it through to completion, so I'm hoping to at least pound out a few more chapters... and hey, NaNoWriMo is coming up, so maybe I'll add a couple chapters while I'm sprinting to that particular finish line.

Anyway, I haven't decided yet if I'll be posting my new Naruto fics here, but if anyone really hates AO3 but wants to read a kid!Iruka and kid!Itachi rival/friendship fic, leave a note in the comments and maybe I'll upload it here, too. You can find me on AO3 under the name vulcanhighblood, and uh, I do write romance/slash now, though gen fic is still my first love. Thanks for all the support over the years, y'all are amazing. Hopefully I'll have another chapter here for you in a few months, lol.