hey! This will be the last 'to the death' story in my one-shot book. Not because I will stop writing them, but because I think it will be easier to just make a seperate book about all the stupid activities to the death that I can think off. That way, people who are fed up with these stories don't need to see them, and can instead look at new things. The idea was to post one 'to the death story' every two or three weeks, on saturday, depending on how busy I am.

'This is the pinnacle of stupid things,' Alex whispered in Magnus' ear. Magnus looked at her.

'Then why did you come?' He asked. Alex snickered.

'I want to see where the 'to the death' comes from. Also, maybe there are one or two people who can crack decent jokes.' Magnus shrugged.

'I guess you're right.' I looked at the flashcards in his hands. Alex stared at him in disbelieve. 'Magnus, are you really going to try to be funny? In front of the entire hotel? To the death?' she asked (She was wearing a bracelet that changed colour depending on what gender she was at that moment. Right now, she felt like a girl). Magnus nodded slowly. 'Eh, yeah?' the smile on Alex' face grew. 'Now I am really glad that I showed up.'

They entered the auditorium. There were chairs and tables turned to the stage. Alex clapped in her hands. 'Oh, dinner and a show!' She said. She and Magnus took a table on the second row. There was still a curtain hanging in front of the stage, so the show hadn't started yet. After Alex and Magnus had been sitting at their table for five seconds, a waiter ran up to them. Alex' smile grew even wider. 'This is going to be great! and I want a hotdog with regular tub water, please!' Magnus ordered his food as well. It was brought to their table in five minutes flat, and after that the show begun.

The presenter was the woman who else led the book club. Magnus made a little prayer to his father that nobody would have to fight if you didn't agree with one of the jokes being made. 'Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome to the sixth annual Stand-up comedy to the death Night!' She said into the microphone. Everyone in the room started cheering, which gave Magnus an uneasy feeling and made him think of living in the capital of Panem. The woman continued. 'My name is Aria, and I am glad to announce that our first comedian tonight is called... she looked at her card. 'Eh, I do not know... what? Oh... our first comedian is Maartje visser (all of you none-dutch folk who have to read this: I don't even know how one would say this in English, so good luck. 'Visser' means Fisherman, though. It is the most used Dutch surname), a dutch girl who died in 1989. Take the microphone!'

Maartje walked onto the stage. She was blushing, and Magnus assumed that she hadn't thought that she had to go on first. Aria handed her the microphone. Maartjes' hands were shaking as she took it. She flipped through her flashcards. She took a deep breath. Alex tapped on the table with her fingers. 'Do you feel that, Magnus? The tension and the expectations are rising.' Magnus didn't feel so excited. He felt bad for the poor girl on the stage.

'Hel-hello. As Aria already said, eh... I am Maartje Visser (Wait, that's how you pronounce it? Someone in the audience whispered to their partner) and I am here to make the most splashing jokes.' Magnus looked at Alex.

'Did she really say that? What does 'splashing jokes' mean?' He asked. Alex shrugged.

'Either it is a poorly translated Dutch saying, or she is going to throw water balloons at us.' Magnus desperately hoped it was the first one. Maartje continued: 'So, there was this chicken, and it walked over to a cow. So, the chicken said to this cow: "Well, you jumped over the stream with your high heels!" and the cow just looks at this chicken like: "what are you talking about? If you think I would let some chicken eat the cheese of my bread, you're wrong!" and the chicken goes: "I don't think you understand a ball of it, and..."'

Alex tugged on Magnus sleeve. 'What is she going on about?' Magnus shook his head.

'I have no idea, Alex, I promise I don't.' Meanwhile, Maartje was going on about having oatmeal in your legs and about roosters that crow early. 'Are these even jokes? What is this? Is this supposed to be funny?' Magnus asked. This time, Alex shook her head.

'Magnus, my mind is just as foggy as yours.' At this point, Maartje started to realise how dumbfounded everyone was. She stopped with her 'Jokes.' 'Um, The joke is that I use as much proverbs as possible...' She trailed of, and got even redder than she was at the beginning. 'I'll just leave...' She said. She started to slowly walk away from the podium, and everyone watched as she left the room. 'Hey, nothing happened to her,' he whispered to Alex. Alex nodded slowly. 'Well, I don't know about you, but I would have felt pity for her if it did. I mean, she just doesn't speak English very well, and that's it.'

The next contestant was a guy called Martin Guyson. He took the stage, and grabbed the microphone. 'I was at home with my bro, and suddenly my girlfriend is standing in the room. So, Of course, I brought her back to the kitchen. She told me that she wanted to stay in the living room. Yep, she is confused like that!' Martin said. He laughed about his own joke, and waited for a bit, so people could laugh. The sad thing is that nobody did (did I say sad? I meant utterly hilarious). Martin swallowed. 'Um, she also doesn't know how soccer works, so every time I have to explain to her that you have to kick the ball into the goal and not the audience...'

'Martin, you do not have an SO,' someone yelled. Martin blushed.

'Well, Eh... women, you know?' In response to that, someone threw a cup filled with coffee at the state. Someone else threw a rotten tomato. After a few minutes, nobody could see Martin anymore, because of the mountain of rotten fruit and vegetables. The organisers got the mountain of the stage. Martin was nowhere to be found, but nobody really cared. They would probably see him at dinner, or in his room or something.

Aria got onto the stage again. 'Alright, after those two... disasters, the next comedian is Magnus Chase!' Magnus almost spat out his burger. Alex started laughing.

'Hey, Magnus, if you get send back to your room, I'll put your food in a doggy bag and bring it over, okay?' Magnus stared at her.

'That's extremely nice of you.' Alex tilted her head.

'I know. Now get up there.'

Magnus climbed up on the stage, with his flashcards. He took the microphone from Aria, and stared at his flashcards. He only had one joke he considered good, and he shouldn't screw this up. He wanted that piece of falafel right now, not in a few hours. 'Hello peeps!' He said. The crowd was silent. Magnus swallowed. 'So, what did you expect to get from this jokeshow this evening?' He asked. It stayed quiet for a little while, until Alex yelled:

'I wanted to see people screw up their performances, and let me tell you, I have not been disappointed!' Magnus couldn't help it; he rolled his eyes. Of course Alex didn't hope for anything that was actually funny.

Yet, some people echoed what Alex had just said. Some others joined in, until the entire auditorium had somewhat admitted to coming here to see people screw up. Even people that had flashcards with jokes written on them agreed. Magnus took a deep breath, and dropped all of his flashcards on the floor. The crowd went quiet again. 'Alright, in that case I am not even going to try. So, why did the chicken cross the road?' He asked. Some people raised their hands. Magnus located a woman who had beaten him at Yoga To The Death the day before, and pointed at her. 'Because the chicken wanted to get to the other side?' She asked.

Magnus shook his head. 'He crossed the road to go and visit the ugly witch. Now, ma'am, would you mind answering to my knock-knock joke?' The woman shrugged.

'Alright.'

'Knock-knock.'

'Who's there?'

Magnus took a deep breath. 'The chicken,' he said. The auditorium went silent, as people tried to understand what he had just said. Magnus reached for Jack, who was hanging around his neck. 'Hey, Jack, I might need assistance soon,' he said. He heard mumbling, and took that as a sign that Jack understood what he meant.

Alex was the first one to get it. 'Magnus, that is one of the worst jokes I have ever heard.' She jumped up, got her garotte out of seemingly nowhere, and sprinted up to the stage. At that point, more people understood the joke, and squared up to battle. The woman was one of them, and she got a long knife from next to her seat. Jack manifested, just in time to block Alex' garotte. 'Let's go, Magnus! This is going to be a tavern brawl!' Magnus wanted to point out that this wasn't a tavern, but decided that maybe it wasn't a good idea to anger Jack when he needed him. He jumped of the stage.

'And then everyone turned on everyone, like people do in this hotel, and we fought through the most of them, but then someone got us both and we were send back to this place!' Alex said to the rest of floor nineteen. Mallory was laughing on the floor. 'This is story is definitely better than any joke that was told during that evening, ever,' TJ said. Magnus looked at Alex for a moment, but she violently shook her head. 'Don't even think about it, Magnus.'