(A-N: I originally split this here, but I seem to have lost about 300 people in between, so decided I'd put it back together. Sorry for any confusion.)
41 Days ASR
Garrus's eyes never left Shepard as she paced the parameter of the senior staff's briefing room. She'd probably punch him for having noticed and catalogued the fact that she paced in fourteen distinct ways depending on her mood or the problem at hand, but he had. She'd call it creepy. He called it attentive.
Anyway, she thought better on her feet, movement syphoning away any energy that might interfere with that razor-sharp mind. Right then, she marched, spine rigid, shoulders braced, eyes studying the floor without seeing it: her 'I don't see how this changes anything, but I'm trying' pace. He let a tiny smile flutter along his mandibles. She might not believe that two factions of Reapers changed anything, but that didn't mean she wouldn't try to find a way to use it.
The grin widened as she raked a hand through her hair, a ghost of that touch skating along his stomach and thighs. Calling the night before well worth the wait amounted to the understatement of all time. She never stopped amazing him. When they'd made love, well, he'd never imagined feeling so much at once. The few times he'd blown off steam with different tarins had been great, but Shepard had turned him inside out, rearranged him, and then put him back together a little more content, a little more sure, a little more the torin he wanted to be.
And of course, even more helplessly in love.
He realized he was staring at her when Nihlus jabbed him with an elbow, drawing his attention back to the packed briefing room. Heat flushed up Garrus's neck as his fratrin chuckled under his breath and patted his shoulder. Nihlus had pulled Garrus and Shepard out of bed early in order to prepare them for a great deal of whispering and to advise that the general get his room soundproofed.
Garrus grinned. After the traumas of Shepard's past, he hadn't known if they'd ever make love. Last night, his beautiful Kahri turned her passion loose in a way he'd never dared hope. After her allowing it to carry her away the way she had, he'd soundproof the entire base twice so she felt free to fly.
Of course, despite Nihlus's warning, everyone just seemed really pleased for them. No one was crass enough to mention anything except Butler, who just shook his head and said, "We always knew you were married, General. Just didn't figure it was to the angel herself." He walked away a few strides, then turned back. "Judging by what the second floor is saying, you're going to have most of the females around here asking you to give their men lessons." A bellowing laugh echoed through the lobby and that was the end of it.
"As fascinating as two factions of Reapers is," Shepard said, breaking her silence and pulling Garrus back to the present, "it doesn't really change all that much."
A flash of orange on the other side of the room drew both Garrus and Shepard's attention. Miranda Lawson's fingers skipped across her omnitool's interface, then the glow died.
Scowling, Garrus looked back to Shepard just in time to see a blade-edged shudder roll up her spine, lodging at the base of her skull. A heavy scowl dropped Garrus's brow plates and mandibles as Shepard cracked her neck, the heel of her right hand lifting to press against her temple. A headache?
Shepard shook it off and forced her hand down, the movement rusted and tense. Her jaw tightened as if it hurt her to speak. "Trust me, the ones behind the orbs are just as busy ripping my brain to shreds as the Sovereign ones. They're not potential allies, just enemies coming at us from a different angle."
Lawson's arm glowed for another couple of seconds, but then Nihlus cleared his throat.
"You won't get an argument from anyone who went aboard the Haestrom shipyard," he agreed. "There was nothing benevolent going on there." When Shepard looked over at the Spectre, she gave him a thin, tired-looking smile.
"However," Dr. Chakwas said cutting through the wave of murmuring that followed Nihlus's statement, "it's something else to work with in our treatment of indoctrination. I've already pulled the scans I did on Han'Gerrel, Lady Benezia, and the Feros colonists." She stood and the rest of the conversations died. "We know that Lady Benezia and Shiala were indoctrinated by Sovereign." She twisted to face Shepard, turning to follow the Captain's progress back to the center of the room. "Comparing their scans and yours to Han'Gerrel's, I can confirm he was indoctrinated by Sovereign."
Mordin cleared his throat and straightened in his chair. "Fact that one form of indoctrination—orbs ... Sovereign ... Thorian—disrupts other kinds very useful. Also need to continue work with Mr. Weaver. Implants reason orbs did not affect him. Filtering technology possible."
Garrus met Shepard's eyes and nodded, a crooked grin following to her chair. Clearing his throat, he calmed the renewed wave of discussion. "We need to continue our research, but I agree that we're just facing two enemies, not any sort of potential ally. The enemy of my enemy is still my enemy if he's shooting at me or tearing apart my brain." He watched Shepard sit, her head falling into her hand for a moment before she took a deep breath and straightened. Cerberus had bought her some more time with their rebuild of her brain, but it hadn't driven the dark spiders out of her. Who knew how much time she had without a proper cure?
Stomping on his fear and tearing his eyes from his mate, he returned to Chakwas and Mordin. "Use whatever resources you need to continue your research. Bring in any personnel you need. Just cc me on large requisitions and salary offers." He pushed up out of his chair, smiling at the doctor as she returned to hers. "I signed the deal on the rachni statue yesterday and am setting those funds aside for the R&D department."
He strode to the end of the room where the QEC pads all stood empty and turned back. "The fight is here, but so far it's against shadows, and we possess only scattered clues as to its shape. To combat that, we need to expand the research and development department." An indulgent nod greeted a small, excited outburst from Mordin about their funding nearing the levels of the STG. "I'm clearing the accounting and operations departments out of floors fifteen through twenty. They'll move to building three, and we'll renovate the five floors here to suit. We'll begin that process when I return midweek."
His gaze travelled over everyone assembled there, resting on Nyreen Kandros and Martin. "When do the people from Lorek arrive?"
The tarin leaned forward in her chair. "Later today. The four day lead time gave us a chance to get enough rooms in building three prepared for them." She activated her omnitool. "We've had our people going through the ships, taking down information so that we can try to reunite family members if they so choose." Scrolling down the list, she nodded and then turned to Martin.
The kid shrugged. "We've done our best to prepare for the extranet use. Each room has access. And, along with family information, we've been asking people where they might want to be taken." The kid's face told Garrus everything before he spoke. "Not surprising, a lot of them just have no clue. They were born and raised there." He glanced over at Shepard. "A lot of families died either in the raids or since."
"I got damned lucky," Shepard said, her voice low and rough.
"Shepard … ." Martin said, flailing a little.
She just shook her head, a watered down smile trying to reassure the kid. Damn, she looked as though someone had turned her inside out then shaken her half to death. "Don't worry, kid. I wasn't putting anything out there other than the facts. My family has somewhere to go. A lot of other ones might need to find that for themselves." Looking up at Garrus, she raised her eyebrows. "Any ideas, General?"
He smiled and nodded. "Yes, I have one in fact. Thank you, Captain." Letting out a long breath, he turned to meet each set of eyes in the room before speaking. "You all know about the Illusive Man's security breach a month ago." When the chorus of agreement and the nasty glares being tossed at Miranda died down, he continued, "TIM, as we've all come to call him, said something to me that day that was a cold splash of reality. He said that when the Reapers arrive, we would have a rush of recruitment, people of all sorts running to sign up. The condition of their service would be safety for their families."
He walked over to Emily Wong and rested a hand on her shoulder. "I've asked Miss Wong to oversee the Sanctuary project, and she's agreed after much charm and persuasion."
The reporter brushed his hand from her shoulder. "You're not as charming as you believe, General," she said, haughty but teasing.
"Of course, I am." He grinned at the laughter and moved back to the QEC console. "Sanctuary will be a large, civilian refuge located in a tucked away corner of the galaxy. All of its development and placement details will be kept as top secret as we can manage, but if any of you have suggestions for locations, feel free to let me know." Shepard shifted in her chair, the movement drawing his gaze back to her. He stared for a second, the circles under her eyes worrying him. They hadn't been there that morning.
"I'm going to be heading to Palaven for a few days," he continued. "That will give you research heads time to dream up a million ideas for your new space. It will also give the Lorek resettlers time to move in and get oriented." He spun on his talons to lock onto Vortash and Butler. "If any of them want to become recruits, take them through an extended orientation and screening. They're more than welcome, but let's ensure that they're making the best decision for them rather than grasping for the only rope they can see."
"Understood, General," Butler agreed. "We'll see to them." He raised his eyebrows, a huge smile displaying all his broken and missing teeth. "So, you're heading to Palaven?"
Garrus shook his head at the unspoken context. "Adrien Victus contacted me this morning. All he'd say is that I needed to see something, so we'll give the Hierarch a ride home." He glanced over at his pari.
When Martin lunged forward in his chair, Garrus chuckled. "Sorry, kid. You're needed here. In addition to playing lab rat for Dr. Solus, you're in charge of making sure that the Shepards have everything they need."
Martin grinned and settled back. "Yeah, I can do that." He looked over at Shepard. "Don't worry, they'll be treated like queens."
Garrus looked around the room. "Any other business?"
After twenty minutes of dealing with small in-house matters, Garrus adjourned the briefing and walked over to Nihlus. "Stay behind?" he asked, moving on to Shepard when the Spectre agreed.
"Palaven?" Shepard smiled wearily and stood. "Way to give a captain notice there, General."
He gripped her shoulders. "Adrien called just before I came in." Bending down to look into her eyes, he frowned, a frozen hand shoving itself between his plates. "Are you okay? You looked like a headache settled in while you were up there."
"Yeah, a pretty decent one. Don't worry, I'll head up to get checked out before we leave." The smile she gave him came off forced. "When do we ship out?"
"Three hours." He stroked a hand over her hair then turned to stop Dr. Chakwas as the doctor walked past. "Doc, Shepard needs your services."
The doctor gripped Shepard's chin for a moment, then nodded. "Come up as soon as you're done here, and I'll take a look." She frowned. "It's not the indoctrination?"
Shepard held her head as if balancing something incredibly fragile on top of her neck. "No spiders, Doc, just a sudden, brain splitting pain."
"Come right up, I'll wait." When Shepard nodded, the doctor headed out.
Garrus pulled his mate in close, tucking her in against his side. Would there come a single day when he didn't worry about her? He chuffed, knowing the answer, especially since she'd always been right about him worrying even when he didn't need to. He nuzzled the top of her head. "Go take care of your head and then meet me downstairs in thirty?"
Despite nodding her agreement, Shepard wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed close. He checked her heart rate with his visor, but didn't need to. He could feel her heart racing against his side. "I'll get Ma—"
"General Vakarian," Miranda Lawson called, pushing through the crowd to get to them. "Am I to assume that since I've heard nothing about this trip to Palaven that the captain will not be travelling with her crew?" Her omnitool flared to life.
"That's correct. We'll be travelling on the Passchendaele." He turned away, dismissing her.
"Shepard," the operative continued, "I can't overstress my objection. After Thessia, the Collectors are going to be a serious security concern."
Garrus's jaw clamped down so hard, he sunk a tooth into the edge of his tongue as he spun back around. Insubordination? If Shepard didn't rip her down, he would.
Shepard stepped away from his side. "Operative Lawson, I've declared war on the Collectors. My security is going to be a concern everywhere I go, even while on board the Ypres." She laughed but it could have flash frozen a space cow. "Unless you're so delusional that you have dismissed the possibility of indoctrinated agents on our crew?" Shaking her head, Shepard opened her omnitool. "I'm ordering two rotations of shore leave for the crew. Forty eight hours each. The team needs it after Thessia. Make sure you're included in one of those rotations. Lieutenant Cortez can take the boat."
Miranda entered something into her tool. Garrus tried to move around to see what she was doing, but she covered the interface. "Captain, if you need to go to Palaven, General and Hierarch Vakarian can be accommodated as guests aboard the Ypres."
Shepard hesitated and looked up, pain and confusion staring back at him. She shrugged. "We could take the—"
Fear snapped through Garrus's shock. Shepard backing down? "You're right, Captain. That's a much better idea." He turned to Miranda. "On second thought," Garrus said before either woman could speak, "we'll be travelling aboard the Normandy. Good day, Operative Lawson, and enjoy your shore leave." Gripping Shepard's arm, he propelled her toward the door. When they made it out into the hallway, he searched the crowd and beckoned Martin over before looking down into Shepard's confused stare. "Kahri, were you about to give in to her?"
Shepard shook her head, her stare clearing a little. "No." Another shake. "I don't know. I don't think so. This headache just keeps getting worse. I've got to go do something before my brain implodes." She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him. "I'll meet you downstairs in a half hour."
"General?" Martin asked, stepping up beside them.
"Shepard has something she wants to discuss with you on the way to the medbay," Garrus answered. He turned to point at Miranda. "If Operative Lawson comes within ten metres, shoot her."
"Yes, sir." Martin placed himself between Miranda and Shepard.
Garrus pressed a hand against Shepard's cheek, then turned away, two steps carrying him into Miranda's space. The fury that had marked Shepard's return resurged, flaring into blue flame. "I suggest you take your leave away from Archangel, Operative Lawson." He held a hand in front of her, stopping her without making contact. "Tread carefully."
The woman met his stare with a calculated one, but then a sharp nod cut the air, and she stepped away.
Garrus walked over to lean against the QEC console, stiff and wary as the room emptied out. Did Shepard have to put up with that stulti the entire time she tried to command that ship? Fuck, no. He'd give her one of the dreadnoughts and name it the ACV Up Your Ass, Cerberus.
"Jane doesn't look well," Nihlus said, his voice too soft to carry. "Could it be a reaction?" He cleared his throat and ducked into an awkward shrug. "From, you know."
"No, I don't think so." Garrus shook his head, a sense of impending connection slithering around in the back of his head. "Something's going on, and it's to do with Lawson." He nodded toward the woman. "How is she with Shepard? Respectful?"
Nihlus shrugged. "She'd be strapped to the hull for a relay jump if it was a turian ship, but Shepard seems to be earning her respect. Sits her back when she has to." Scowl deepening, he started to rise, but sank back down when Garrus shook his head.
"Give me a second. I want to talk to you, but I need to talk to Anderson first." Clearing his plan with Anderson probably should have been a first step, but the way that Shepard just folded when Lawson insisted on them taking the Ypres threw him. He shuddered. Something happened that morning, something that was behind the headache, Kahri's dazed confusion, and Lawson tightening the leash. The slithering in his gut ramped up. Damn. He needed the old crew.
Hopefully Anderson agreed.
"General," the Captain replied, "what can I do for you?"
"Anderson, something strange is going on with Shepard." He sighed, the air coming out in a growl. "I don't know what it is, but I have a really bad feeling about Cerberus. I want Chakwas's opinion. Possibly Mordin's as well." Each step tight and controlled with worry and suppressed violence, Garrus stalked across the room and back. "Adrien Victus asked me to meet him on Palaven. He wouldn't say what it was about even over the QEC, so it's sensitive and important."
"And with Shepard acting strangely, you want familiar faces along for the ride?" Anderson cleared his throat. He muttered a little under his breath. "There isn't room on the Normandy unless you're willing to bunk in the shuttle bay."
Garrus could hear the man pacing and grinned, a chilled smile of shared worry.
"The Normandy can escort the Passch to Palaven. I'll call it a command experience exercise for Alenko. Myself, Chakwas, and Mordin can all stay aboard the Passch to help keep an eye on Shepard." He cleared his throat. "Acceptable?"
"More than." The general let out a long breath of relief. "Thank you, Anderson. We were due to set out in just over two and a half hours."
"Knock it back an hour and a half? I've got to round up crew, although I doubt there will be any grousing when I tell them they're trading shore leave on Omega for Palaven." He chuckled. "Contact me if anything changes."
"I will. Thank you, Captain. See you in a few hours." Garrus closed the channel and sagged against the nearest chair.
"Anderson's going to head to Palaven with you?" Nihlus's chair squeaked as the Spectre stood.
"Yes. I want Chakwas and Mordin along as well." The general turned to face his fratrin. "Come with us," he said, keeping his voice pitched low, subvocals welcoming.
Nihlus shook his head and turned away, pacing to the QEC panel. "No. You two need some time without me between you." He turned and leaned back against the console. "I am going to head to Illium, finally close down my apartment, get everything shipped here." His mandibles fluttered. "She's here, so I guess that officially makes it home."
Garrus strode over, stepping into his fratrin's space. "Come with us. You can spend two days relaxing on Palaven and meeting with war contacts without your brain exploding. Besides, you look like hell. Thessia kicked the tarc out of you."
He chuckled, but it faded quickly. If he knew anything for sure, it was that they had to present karifratrus as real and viable right from the beginning. "Look, Nihlus, if we're going to make this work, you need to be in it from the start." He blew out a rough sigh, his shoulders dropping. "Shepard is going to fight it. Not because she doesn't want it, but because she's so damned worried about hurting either one of us. If we set our relationship as she and I, then bring you in as an addition after the fact." Brow plates raised, he shook his head. "How do you think that's going to go?"
Nihlus scowled and looked down. "Are you even okay with it, or are you taking a hit because you feel sorry for me?"
Fury flared again, burning hot and quick down Garrus's spine and out his hand as it cracked against Nihlus's cheek. "Just don't, Nihlus." He pressed his hand over the cheek he'd just slapped. "Self pity has no place in this. It's going to be hard enough to make Kahri comfortable without that sort of poison." He leaned in, eyes narrow. "Do you want it?"
"She's my breath, Garrus." Nihlus held eye contact for a moment before looking down.
"Then pack for Palaven and be aboard the Passch in three hours." Garrus patted his fratrin's cheek and turned away. "You can catch a ride to Illium from there."
"Are you okay with this, Garrus?" Nihlus called after him.
Letting out a long sigh, Garrus stopped and turned back. "It's not about being okay with it, Nihlus. It's about the three of us finding a way to be happy." He smiled, a shallow, affectionate flutter. "I'm not unhappy about it, Nihlus. I'm not jealous, and I know that she loves me no less with you in our lives than she would without you. She has the most remarkably big heart. If anyone has enough love for two torins, it's Shepard."
Garrus scowled. "I'm not sure this is for me to tell, but I'm going to tell you anyway." He let out a sharp breath and returned to the seat closest to the door. Sitting on the edge, he looked up at Nihlus. "She didn't leave us, Nihlus." He smiled, but his mandibles flailed a little. Everytime he allowed the implications of what she'd told him to really register, it overwhelmed him anew.
Nihlus's frown matched Garrus's as the Spectre strode over to sit next to him. "What do you mean?"
Glancing down at the Spectre's clenched fists, Garrus shook his head. "The first moment she remembers is standing across her body from me the second day after she died." He smiled and looked up to meet his fratrin's stare when Nihlus's hand darted out to clamp onto his wrist. "Yeah, she doesn't remember every second, but she remembers a lot of it. Haestrom, when I thought I was just hallucinating because of the cold … it was her."
Garrus clapped his hand over Nihlus's. "The night we swore karifratrus, she watched the whole thing, and then curled up with your drunken ass on the couch."
"Spirits." Nihlus yanked his hands from Garrus's and threw himself out of his chair. "Damn her!" He paced to the other end of the room before spinning back. "Trust Jane to throw away any chance of peace to take care of us." He let out a thin keen and turned away, his eyes glistening.
Garrus leaned back and crossed his arms. "Why are you angry, Nihlus? She loves us, and to Jane Shepard, that means sticking with us even after death."
Nihlus shook his head, hard and furious. "Because she deserves so much better than that. She deserves better than this. They stole her body out of the black and dragged her back to all this fear and death." He chuffed so violently that spit flew. "But what did it matter? She'd tied herself to it anyway?"
Garrus chuckled, then held up his hands to halt Nihlus's anger when it turned on him. "All right. I'm not mocking you." He stood and walked over to take his fratrin by the shoulders, warmth flooding through the contact. As much as karifratrus had done for Nihlus, it had blessed Garrus in just as many ways. "This is why I'm okay with everything, Nihlus. How could I deny her a love with that much passion behind it?" He bent down to touch brows with the shorter torin. "Go pack. I'm going to go round her up and get her aboard."
Nihlus leaned into him, the thin keen still sliding beneath his words. "She deserves so much better than me."
Garrus nodded. "Maybe, but apparently, that doesn't matter to her." He gripped Nihlus by the back of the neck. "How can you deny that this is all meant to be when the woman we love died, and still couldn't leave us?" He bumped his brow off the Spectre's. "See you aboard."
Garrus passed through the door, then jumped. "Eavesdropping is bad form," he said. Shepard just shrugged. He slipped an arm around her and steered her out the door. "But best that Nihlus not know you heard all that."
She shook her head, her jaw held in that stubborn clench that meant he wasn't going to get away with skirting the topic. "I didn't hear the whole conversation. Karin scanned me and gave me a shot for my head. She thinks one of my implants is misbehaving." Looking up at him, she opened her mouth, but then just gave her head another shake and stalked along beside him until they reached the elevator.
He pulled her in tight against his side and nuzzled the top of her head. "Are you feeling any better?" He hid a smile as she held herself stiffly beside him. Spirits, he loved her impossible, stubborn heart.
She muttered under her breath and kicked her heel against the wall. "I guess, although I could just be distracted by the whole 'sharing Shepard is meant to be' thing." She remained rigid for the rest of the trip down and into his quarters. Once there, she pulled away from him and paced over to the unmade bed, the sheets still mostly pulled off and wadded in the center of the mattress.
When the door shut behind him, Garrus closed his eyes and inhaled the mingled scents of Shepard and himself and their love making. He suppressed a wry chuckle, not wanting Shepard to think him making light of her feelings when the humor was for his own, sudden turn toward the primitive.
He'd never been the slightest bit possessive over anything, but with Shepard, there he was, preening at the proof of his having made love to her. Worse, he didn't care if it was primitive or not particularly correct, that scent, of having finally lain with his mate … it was all he could do to keep from shouting so loud his mari would hear it.
Then his love's quiet, solemn whisper cut through the silence. "You told Nihlus that I stayed with you both," she said, her back still turned toward him.
"Yes." He closed half the distance between them, but then stopped, leaving her lots of space. Some hard work lay ahead and his suffocating her wouldn't help. Letting out a long breath, he changed course, striding over to his small kitchen area. After setting a kettle on to boil he broke open his incense box. Mixing together a small amount of oil and soothing herbs, he set it over the heat. The oil turned out better if allowed to sit for a day or so, but heat worked well enough for what he had planned.
He felt Shepard's eyes on him, warm but hesitant.
"Why?" She shifted a little, her clothes whispering against her skin.
"Because it's true." He pulled a shallow bowl and two mugs from the cupboard, spooning hot chocolate into one mug, amarceru leaves into the other.
"I didn't say anything about Nihlus last night." The cavernous space open between them echoed through her voice, setting his heart pounding. He needed to get a bridge up and fast.
Nodding, he said, "You didn't." Removing the oil from the heat, he poured it through a strainer into the bowl. While it dripped through, he braced the heels of his hands into the counter, his arms tight against his sides. "Are you going to tell me that you weren't crouched under that table in Afterlife, your arms wrapped around his neck? You weren't whispering threats about how badly you'd kick his ass if he used that shotgun?"
Letting out a long breath, he shoved off the counter and turned to face her. "Don't you think I've spent most of the hours since you dropped that bomb putting together all the different times you interacted with us? Influenced us?"
Shepard met his eyes for a second, then looked down. "Maybe this is why I didn't remember. You weren't supposed to know. He wasn't supposed to know. It's just going to make everything harder." A harsh, dull-bladed sigh gashed the air. "He's constantly being hurt, Garrus. Enough! What good comes out of telling him about that?"
Garrus poured water into the mugs and then carried everything over to the coffee table and set them down. "Come here." He held out his hand, cocking a brow plate when she just stared at his hand. "Come on, we haven't got much time before we're due to leave, and I want to do this."
She walked over, her feet dragging a little, a guilty child caught doing something wrong. "Do what?"
Grabbing the throw pillows off both couches, he piled them against the arm of the one couch. "It's a turian thing." He grasped her fingers in his hand and pulled her over. "Sit." He eased her down against the cushions with her feet up on the couch. He tapped her leg. "Pull them up so that I can sit." The sadness on her face tugged at him, making his entire body ache. He thought he understood where it came from, but it was so completely unnecessary.
When she pulled her feet up, he sat next to her, then laid her legs over his. "Nihlus told you about the reason turians wear gloves?" he asked, pulling one of her boots off.
She frowned and leaned up, her elbows braced against the couch arm behind her, watching him. "Yeah, make your talons less intimidating." She cleared her throat. "And he said that bare talon on talon contact with someone who isn't a blood relative signifies willingness for a closer relationship."
Garrus eased her other boot off, and looked down at her bare feet. "Don't humans usually wear something on their feet inside their boots?" He rested both hands on her shins, wanting to get through what he had to say before touching her more intimately.
A smile broke through for the first time since the briefing. When they woke that morning, Shepard draped across his chest, she'd been nothing but smiles. Wriggling her toes a little, she nodded. "It's not regulation, but socks make my feet feel like they're being choked to death. My ten little piggies need to run wild and free." She reached up and pressed her hand against his mandible. "So, turians and touching?"
Closing his eyes, Garrus leaned into the contact. "We're a people of rich traditions," he continued, then turned and nuzzled her palm before taking her hand in his. "We have very few stigmas associated with sex. It's considered recreational for the most part. Our true intimacies come from ancient ritual. My mari could tell you where they all come from, and probably will. She's the member of our family who's obsessed with history and culture."
He leaned forward and dipped his fingers in the oil, its warmth soothing, and rubbed it into his hands. "Because the most sensitive and erogenous locations on our bodies are also those most likely to cripple us if injured, touching someone else's ankles, feet, spurs, and hands is a sign of deep connection and trust."
He lifted her right foot into his hands, slipped the trouser leg up a little, then began rubbing the oil into her feet. "This is something only done between mates," he said.
"Then I get to do yours?" she asked, a soft smile relaxing the tightness around her eyes and mouth. She closed her eyes and took a long breath. "That oil smells wonderful. What is it?"
"I added some dried rylamia." He held his hand out. Grasping it around his wrist, she drew it to her face and inhaled as he explained, "Rylamia promotes peace and openness." A guilty sort of grin answered the glare she shot him, but then she snuggled her face into his hand, ignoring the fine coating of oil.
For long minutes, she stayed like that, his thumb caressing her cheekbone and temple.
Then she drew away, walls and shields in place as she released his hand and leaned over to pick up her hot chocolate. Mug resting on her belly, cradled between her hands, she laid back, staring up at him. "So, why do you think that I was in Afterlife that night?"
His chest and shoulders heaved with his sigh. "You truly are impossible." When she didn't reply, he sighed again. "Sidonis ran back here, said that despite Nihlus waving a gun around, Aria's people were staying out of it. Then, when I got there, she hinted that she thought you and Nihlus were together." He shrugged. "Not hard to imagine why. I expect having a spirit whispering the certainty of doom into her ear would be enough to convince even Aria to call off her goons."
Shepard sipped at her hot chocolate, her stare still challenging. It didn't feel as though she was challenging him, but the entire idea that she'd remained behind. He could see why she'd doubt it. That calculating mind, deprived of the heady pleasure and emotions of the night before, would start to consider all sorts of more logical options. She needed him to help her believe it in the murky, slightly greasy light of Omega's day.
He traded feet. The intoxicating slippery, softness of her skin contrasted with the fine bones just beneath weren't helping in the whole tight plates, business as usual department. Every cell in his body screamed to cradle her in his lap, to slip free of his plates and savour the quiet intimacy of their joining as he massaged the oil into her entire body. The continually cycling words, 'too much, too soon', kept things contained as he rolled the muscles between gentle hands.
"When I got to Nihlus, his shotgun was sitting next to him on the floor while he watched that damned footage over and over. Sidonis and Wrex said he'd threatened to use his shotgun; I think he went into that bar to commit suicide by Aria. When that didn't work, he decided to do it himself." He glanced at her, brow plates raised, his gut aching as the remembered fear curled through him, a wisp of smoke the colour of a rainy dawn. A crooked smile tugged at one mandible when she just sipped her hot chocolate. So stubborn.
"When I got to him, the vehemence behind his denial and his reason—that you'd kick his ass if he ate a bullet—" He glided his hands up her shins as far as the cuffs of her trousers, the bone pressing into his palm as he kneaded the muscle with his talons. "I didn't make anything of it at the time, but now I know you had those arms wrapped around him." Raising his brow plates, he waited for a moment before asking, "What did you say to him?"
She shook her head and sipped her hot chocolate. "I don't know." When he simply stared at her, she shrugged and wriggled a little deeper into the cushions. "What? Just what he said."
Garrus let her keep her secret. "And then, when we got back here, did you suggest karifratrus to me?" He reached out for one hand, caressing the oil into the mug-warmed flesh when she surrendered it.
Shepard frowned and shook her head, that answer leaping forward. "I didn't even know it existed." She tried to tug her hand free, giving up when he kept massaging it.
Garrus let out a tiny, whistling breath. "But you said something, right?" He stared into her eyes, smiling gently. He needed to coax her around to the truth carefully, lovingly. "What did you say?"
Her scowl deepened as she searched her memory, eyes moving back and forth as if she was reading it from a book. After a second, he saw realization hit and she looked up, her expression even sadder than before. "Oh god, I asked you to look after him. I said he needed a brother."
Answering her with a single nod, he decided to push a little harder. "And then afterwards, when I changed and headed out onto the bridge. Did you follow me?"
Sitting up, she nodded, balancing her mug on her knee as she turned thoughtful and searching again. "Yeah. You said something about not being able to do it, that it was all too much, but I knew it was a lie. You'd done so well getting them all organized. Proud didn't even begin to cover it."
Lifting her mug to her lips, she sipped then let it fall. Disappointment briefly dropped her shoulders before she leaned over to set the empty mug on the table. "I knew that even though you were in pain, you'd recover. You'd lead Archangel brilliantly—I hated the name, by the way—and you'd be okay."
He tugged her hand to his mouth, nuzzling her fingers, nipping the tips lightly. The memory of that night materialized between them: the sudden surge of surety, the sense of her love, so strong and present and palpable. If she'd left him then, he would have mourned her, but he would have pulled through. "Yeah, I felt it, and in that moment, I knew I could do it as well." He traded to her other hand.
Keeping his tone light and neutral, he asked, "If you'd just been here for me, you would have moved on then, wouldn't you? Gone wherever you were meant to go?"
Shepard's brow furrowed into intense, thoughtful lines, then she let out a tiny gasp and yanked her hand from his grip. Her eyes darted to his face, her expression dissolving into something halfway between joy and misery. "Oh, Garrus, I saw Daddy at the end of the bridge. Just where the barricade was." She let out a soft mewl of sound and snatched his hand between both of hers, clinging to him. "He called me over, but then I heard Nihlus cry out for me in his sleep."
Her eyes shone with tears, breaking his heart a little as she stared at him. Clambering up, she crawled onto his lap, sitting astride his thighs. She flung her arms around his neck, fitting herself along his length and buried her face in his neck, her tears dampening his hide. "Daddy smiled, nodded, and just disappeared."
Wrapping his arms around her, Garrus held her close. "And you went upstairs, curled up with Nihlus, and stayed." Garrus turned to nuzzle her ear. "You stayed for Nihlus, Kahri, because he needed you, and you loved him too much to desert him." He pushed her away just far enough to kiss her, chaste and damp with her tears. "That's why I told him what I did," he whispered against her lips.
Weighing his next words carefully, Garrus decided on full disclosure and said, "My people believe that spirits come into the world connected. Sometimes they are connected one on one, sometimes they are connected in groups of thousands. Those connected spirits form a whole: the spirit of a military unit or vessel, or the spirit of a family."
She drew back. "Soul-mates?"
The word didn't translate, and his confusion must have shown because she sighed and leaned in, resting her brow against his chin. "Some humans believe we all have a perfect match, and we'll only be truly happy if we find that one person."
Garrus nodded. "Spirits don't just come in pairs, Kahri. Sometimes they come in threes or fours." He kissed her and drew back, cupping her cheek in his hand. Thumb talon brushing her hair from her face, he smiled. "You realize that if there is an interloper in this relationship, it has always been me?" The surprise and refusal that snapped over her features tugged his mandibles into a bright smile. The depth of his love struck him anew, a flood of blues and forest greens, of the metallic, earthy scent of rain and the bright nip of new snow.
He waited for the tide to ebb before he trusted his voice again. "I knew you loved Nihlus and he loved you from the first moment I met you both. It was new and fragile, but it was there." Kissing her softly, he tasted the salt of her tears. "But I also felt certain that you and I were meant to be together." Letting his eyes slip closed, he deepened the kiss. When they came up for air, he raked gentle talons through her hair. "Just like right now, I'm certain that the three of us are meant to build this family, Kahri. You will never be truly happy without him, and truthfully, neither will I."