Chapter 4 You're Everything…I'm Nothing
He held my hand, he held my damn hand and I was mush. No words were spoken, just his warm hand in mine and the stolen glances we gave each other through out the movie. As the credits rolled he let go and suddenly I felt cold and empty. As we filed out of the movie theater Kelly hooked her arm with mine.
"Hmmm Bren…I was wondering…would you be angry or upset if…say if I were to…ask Brandon to or on a date or something?" she pussy footed around as she tried to get the words out. I looked behind me as I saw Dylan and Brandon walking together, far enough away from us they couldn't hear.
I just looked at her, Brandon would be pissed if I said anything other than it was fine. I knew he had a thing for Kelly. He never said anything, and truthfully I didn't think she was really his type. Brandon's past girlfriends, though there weren't many, were nothing like Kelly. But in the past couple weeks Kelly had come to my house a lot, whether we were studying or gossiping but every time I caught Brandon fixing his hair, changing his shirt three times before she would get there. It was bluntly obvious.
"No Kel…I wouldn't be upset. I'm sure he would like that." I said as confidently as possible without giving my brother away. I hoped that it wouldn't be weird, if for some reason it didn't work out I hoped Kelly and I would be able to continue to be friends. Even though we didn't have tons in common, I liked Kelly and we got along great. She was fun and popular and she befriended me quickly no questions asked. Her and Donna made my move here so much easier.
"You think he'll say yes?" Suddenly I saw a side of Kelly I didn't even know existed. She was unsure and her confidence dwindled. She looked at me with pleading eyes as if asking Brandon on a date took all the courage she could muster and if he denied her, it might brake her.
I smiled at her and wrapped my arm around her, "I'm pretty positive he'll say yes."
She giggled and both of us looked behind us again and saw Brandon and Dylan staring at us. "Thanks Brenda." she whispered as the group came to a halt.
"Peach Pit?" Steve said attached to Misty. He was so obvious and sadly Kelly didn't give two shits about it besides the obviousness of it to begin with. She had not said anything about them or looked twice at them since then. The group agreed and decided who was riding with who. The only people that had their drivers license's was Kelly and Michelle, having early birthdays they were both sixteen then there was Mr. Sex that did not have his license to my understanding but drove his hot ass Porsche anyway.
We all started heading to the parking lot when I heard Brandon ask Dylan, "You coming McKay?" we all stopped and turned to see Dylan not following us.
"Ummm actually…I'm just going to head home. I am getting up at the butt crack of dawn tomorrow to head down to Baja."
"Baja? As in Mexico?" Brandon said with a smirk.
"The one and only man…there is killer swells coming in and I am not going to miss it." His enthusiasm about surfing was so fucking cute. I smirked at him like an idiot as he looked at me. His eyes were asking me something I wasn't sure about. I was about to open my mouth and fake a headache so I could ride with him when an annoying voice rang loud and clear in my head.
"You know Dylan…I told my mom I would be home after the movie, do you mind giving me a ride?"
NO! SLUNT! FUCKING WHORE! Thank god nobody could read my mind right now. Yes I said slunt. It was my new word, I made it up and thought of it after seeing the many Slut cunts that threw themselves at my Mr. Sex each and every day.
Dylan's eyes found mine briefly before turning his attention to Casey, "Shh…sure…Casey no problem." Dylan stuttered a bit.
She glanced at me with a fuck you bitch grin and I had to hold myself back from pouncing her ass. Oh no you didn't you slunty cunt slut…wait that defeated my new word…whatever…you wanna play bitch…game on.
"Actually…Dylan…you mind dropping me off too? I have this killer headache and the pit isn't going to help me at all." I saw out of the corner of my eye my brother take a step toward us but I didn't let my eyes leave Dylan's.
"Sure…I mean if its okay with Brandon and everything." there was no stuttering in that sure…take that bitch…wait why did Brandon have a say in who took me home?
I looked at my brother with a confused scowl and he nervously nodded, "Yeah…you okay Bren?"
"Oh yeah totally fine…I just know this headache and it will most likely get worse before getting better." I smiled at him still not getting the reason for his approval…he wasn't my fucking father even though at times I think he thought he was. Casey glared at me and I swear to god I heard that bitch hiss at me. Well Raaar…hiss...to you too slunt. I smiled my best innocent smile at her ass and walked over to MY Mr. Sex and hooked my arm with his. We started walking toward the Porsche leaving Casey trailing behind us.
"Shotgun!" that's right who's the bitch now? Dylan chuckled softly opening up the passenger side door, he leaned down giving me a perfect shot of his cute little ass and lifted the level pushing the passenger seat forward so Casey could climb in. Casey moved slowly and seductively past Dylan rubbing her push up bra'd small tits against Dylan's chest as she past. She slowly placed her hand on his waist holding on to him before lowering herself into the car. Of course Miss. Slunt couldn't resist lowering her hand in a slow half circle around Dylan's ass cheek. Dumb bitch. I saw Dylan's throat gulp as he looked at me. He knew I saw it and I wasn't sure at all what tonight meant, it probably didn't mean anything but I still could tell by his eyes the night wasn't over and tonight he was with me…maybe wishful thinking but I could tell Casey's advances on him in front of me wasn't sitting well with him. He gave me a small apologetic smile and pushed the seat back in place so I could sit down.
The drive from the movie theater was quiet. I stared down at my hands and I could have sworn I saw Dylan's hand move toward mine just to pull back after. It didn't help that Miss Slunt would lean forward every now and then and graze her fingers down Dylan's neck. I tried not to look. The only thing that was running through my mind, the moment of truth, who was Dylan going to drop off first? If it was me…he wanted me to get the hell out of the car so he could reciprocate Casey's advances. All the chemistry and connection I had felt tonight with him and all the times before would have been a waste-less feeling and Dylan was indeed what everyone said about him, a selfish asshole, man whore. Or if he dropped her off first, maybe he felt the same way I did. I swallowed hard realizing where we were as the rows of houses got more and more familiar. I felt my lip quiver as I realized Dylan was on my street. I looked out the side window not wanting him to see my tears as I reached blindly to the floor of the car grabbing my purse. I slowly brought it to my lap and clutched it close to me.
Fuck Dylan McKay and his charming panty dropping ways. I should have known better. Guys like him don't waste their time with girls like me. He could have anyone he wanted and he had a primed first class slut sitting behind us. She was so ready to go, the only thing she was missing was the panting and howls to prove to all the guys in the neighborhood the bitch was in heat. What could I give Dylan that he didn't have already or could get in an instant…nothing. I couldn't even give the physical things he was used to. I didn't know how too. I glanced quickly at Dylan but he kept his eyes on the road. He had no idea how much he affected me and no idea how heartbreaking it was that he was taking me home first. He was choosing her or whatever she intended to give him tonight that I couldn't. I know that it was dumb and minor but it mattered, it mattered to me. I was so carried away with my depressed head jargon that I hadn't realized where we were.
"Uh…Dylan…" I held up my hand up as we whizzed by my house. I didn't finish my sentence and he didn't look at me either. A few more curves and streets later he slowed down.
"Casey…remind me which house is yours again?"
She sighed loudly and I wondered if she was thinking the same things I had just thought of momentarily when she realized she was being dropped off first. "Third one on the left." she said quietly, her voice thick with sadness and cold as ice.
Dylan pulled over in front of her house and got out quickly, lifting his seat so she had room to exit. She didn't say anything to him but I thought I heard her mutter thanks quietly as she headed up her driveway. Dylan sat back down and finally met my eyes. He smiled shyly as our eyes did the talking. After several moments he looked up at Casey's house seeing she had made it inside and started on his way. He picked me! He really picked me and it was done purposely because he had passed my house. It wasn't because her house was closer or on the way to his own, he picked me because he wanted to. I couldn't help but smile as I played with my hands on my lap. We got back to my house pretty quickly and I was surprised when he pulled to the curb and set his car into park and turned off the ignition.
All of a sudden I was nervous, what did he expect from me and if I denied his advances would he still talk to me? Was I his next conquest because technically he had already had Casey? I stared down at my hands until I felt his warm fingers against me chin. He gently urged it upward so I was looking at him.
"I had fun tonight." he said quietly almost at a whisper.
I swallowed the nervous excess of saliva building in my mouth, "Me too."
He just stared at me and I stared back. His eyes shown dark and first they were filled with want and then there was something else to them. Uncertainty? He was thinking too hard so I did something I had never done in my life, I made the first move. I scooted closer so I was mere inches from his face. Our lips were so close I could feel his breath on them. His hand came to rest on my cheek. This was it, I was going to kiss Dylan McKay and there wasn't anything more I had ever wanted. At that moment I didn't care he was a man whore or that he was going to be my first real kiss and I was going to be his billionth. I didn't care that I was definitely too young to be thinking the things I was thinking about him. I wanted to experience everything with him. I wanted him to be my first everything and he already proved he was going to be my first love because the things I thought about with him were more than a crush. His thumb caressed my cheek softly as he tilted his head and moved a bit closer to me. My eyes closed voluntarily knowing everything that I wanted in this moment was about to happen. His breath was warm against my lips and I may have moaned slash sighed at the feeling of it. His hand gripped around my neck firmly, not hurting me but taking action. My eyes were still closed so I didn't know how close his lips were but I knew they were close. Finally I felt something warm and soft barely brush against my mouth. And then the sound of metal crashed against what I assumed was the street. We jumped apart faster than you would if you set your hand on a hot plate. Our attention moved to the back of the car as we saw a trash can resting on the ground and a cat scurry across the street.
I have always loved animals, we had had our share of pets off and on in my life but I had never wanted to hurt one until then. I wanted to grab that fucking cat by its scruff and throw it onto the 405 during rush hour. Yep I said it, I wanted that cat to pay for ruining this incredible moment I was having with my very own Mr. Sex and I wished desperately we could just return to the moment without further ado. But of course I was wrong. It was ruined. It was more than ruined.
"Bren…" he breathed, he had never called my Bren before and the only person who did so regularly was my brother. Kelly had said it a couple times but it was usually when she wanted something. I liked hearing it on his lips. I wanted him to whisper it to me as we made out or more. His voice was desperate and exhausted, "You should get inside."
No…no…nonononononono…damn it. He looked at me at that moment and he must have known what I was thinking.
"It's getting late…Brandon probably will be home soon…you should get inside." he said unlocking his stare from my own and looking into his lap. I heard his sigh and saw him bring his hands up to grip the steering wheel.
"But…" I couldn't say what was screaming in my head which was kiss me damn it, it was just a fucking cat. A cat I will happily throw into oncoming traffic if it meant your lips would be on mine again. Kiss me please. "Dylan…" I began.
And then he said things that I will never forget as long as I live. "Get in the house Brenda…I got things to do."
I stared dumbfounded at his beautiful face and the want in his eyes was gone. Now he just stared blankly at me waiting for me to get the fuck out of the car. Anger surged through me, "You mean people to do." I spat grabbing my purse roughly.
His hand gripped my arm, "What do you want from me? You're Brandon's little sister…"
I found myself huff out a laugh, "Little? Wow." My brother and I were the same age, we were twins for god sakes, he was a total of 4 fucking minutes older than me. "I don't want anything from you." I said coldly opening up the passenger door. I ripped my arm from his hold and even though his grip didn't hurt me the pull from it did. I held back the tears from flowing freely from my eyes as I slammed his precious fucking vintage sex on wheels car door and started storming up the front lawn. "Stupid mother fucker." I mumbled. I turned to find him in front of me not realizing in my childish storm off he had followed me.
"Bren…please wait." he begged.
"Fuck you." I yelled, "You're an asshole…little fucking sister my ass you prick."
He sighed and grabbed my hand and pulled me back to him. "Let me go." I cried as my tears freed from my eyes.
"Brenda please…let me explain." he continued to beg like a bitch.
I felt betrayed by my own tears as they flowed freely finally. I felt rejected and hurt. I felt like a worthless, not good enough piece of shit and I didn't want to listen to him explain anything. I pulled my hand back not wanting him to see me fall apart. He was probably wondering what the fuck I was doing and why I had reacted the way I was reacting. I had known him for 2 weeks…2 fucking weeks and I was acting like I had been with him for years and I had just caught him fucking my best friend. I shuttered involuntarily at the thought.
"It's not that I don't like…Bren…please…I'm not good for you, I'm not a relationship kind of guy, I can't give you what you want." he said in a rush as I walked away from him.
Oh…my…God…no…you…fucking…didn't. I stopped mid strive as I whirled around and caught his sad eyes. I did what I needed to do, to save myself from the ongoing embarrassment that this night would bring me for the rest of my life. I was an actress actually, a full fledged drama queen and I was going to use my acting skills to my fullest advantage. I laughed out loud and by his face he was shocked at my outburst. "You fucking think I want a relationship from you?" I laughed harder. "Oh Dylan…and here I thought you were a smart guy." I rested my hands on my hips and glared at him. "I wanted from you…what you wanted from me…a hook up…maybe some experience for the real thing." I shook my head, "Dylan…Dylan…honestly? Did you honestly think I would want to have a relationship with the schools biggest man whore? Did you honestly think I would degrade myself with the lies you would feed me day in and day out. You use those girls and they use you right back. They're there because you can give them what they want. A piece of something that makes them feel good for a little while and then they send you packing. Ever wonder why none of those girls ever want more from you? You don't do you? Because you think you're the one sending them packing…god you are so lame." His face showed hurt and pain and it felt good. It felt good to make him feel as shitty as I did. I should have just left it like that but no…I was a bitch that had to finish him off. I laughed at him again, "You're nothing Dylan…you're nothing but a good lay. No girl would take you seriously or want more from you. It makes me wonder about your relationships at home…something tells me your family might feel the same."
He clenched his fists tighter and I knew I hit a nerve. I knew nothing about Dylan's family life but the simple fact he drove around in a Porsche without having a license and lived in a hotel, he never had to answer to parents or call to check in that I saw. I doubt he had a curfew, it didn't take a genius to know he sought out the attention of these girls because he didn't get any anywhere else. I thought I saw the flicker of something in his eyes, tears? I didn't care. Yes I did, but I didn't stop to feel bad about it.
"It's fine Dylan…I may be Brandon's "little" sister…but I don't need to get what I want from you. If I want to make out or kiss or suck someone's dick I can…I don't need you to do that, there are plenty of guys out there that can help me in that department."
I don't know where that came from. I just wanted him to think I wanted him for one thing only. Obviously he wanted the same thing but couldn't because I wouldn't be so easy to hook up with and ditch. My brother was his friend and if he wanted to continue his friendship with him then he couldn't do that to me. Now it was all clear. Before Dylan McKay knew I was Brandon's sister, it was all about me. The looks, the flirting…all of it was to get into my pants. After he found out who I was, everything changed.
The anger that was in his eyes vanished and then it looked like I had punched him in the face. There was sadness and shock and something else, jealousy? Impossible…I wasn't going to hang around to look at him anymore because I wanted nothing more than to run to him and tell him I was lying. That I wanted every part of him, I wanted to tell him that he was the first person I thought about when I woke up and the last person I thought about when I went to sleep. I wanted to tell him his past with girls didn't matter as long as I was his and only his now. I wanted to kiss him and feel his body against mine, I wanted to make love to him like they did in the movies and whisper over and over that I loved him, I wanted to tell him everyday how important he was, how smart he was, how amazing he was. I wanted to make him see he was everything and I was the one that was nothing…but I couldn't.
I saw headlights moving slowly down my street and when the car became visible I knew it was Kelly's cherry red convertible BMW. I noticed Dylan who was standing there looking hurt and broken turn his head and notice the same thing. I brought my attention back to Dylan as he turned his head finding my eyes again. I knew if I stayed there and looked at him any longer he would see right through me. He would know I was lying to make myself feel better. To feel less rejected, less insignificant to him. I shook my head not wanting to say anything else. He moved a few steps toward me why I had no idea after the hurtful things I had said to him. Then he looked as Kelly's car make its way into the long driveway. He reached out slowly to stop me as I began to turn from him. He must have stopped because I never felt him pull me back or come into contact with me. The only thing I heard was a whisper or a breath, both maybe.
"Brenda...don't." he sounded broken and pleading. I didn't stop to see his face or to see Kelly or Brandon's reaction. I pushed my whole self into our front door opening it and slammed it behind me.
And that was the last time I had spoken to Dylan McKay.
: ( I am sorry…you didn't think it was going to be so easy did you? It's only chapter 4 lol I'm sure you want to know what's going on in Dylan's head. Don't you? Well press that green button below and let me know what you're thinking so I can post it.
Spoiler alert: Next chapter…we get some insight into what Dylan's thinking from his POV and it will bring you forward a bit. I think the last sentence to this chapter probably confuses the hell out of you or gives you some insight that we are moving forward in time. How much time? I guess you'll find out. Review let me know what you're thinking besides whether you love or hate it. Give me some feedback if you have time, I would love to know.