(A/N: This is the greatest fairy tale never told of All Time)

In the night sky there was a crescent-shaped moon with some clouds, a Hershey Kiss shaped bobber connected to a reel splashed onto the surface with a number of ripples revealing the night sky to be water. Panning up through a bunch of clouds to show a young boy, his name is William Hunt who sat atop the crescent-shaped moon fishing alone. Suddenly, there was but a "D" that appeared which formed in a font called Minion Pro Black though this letter was the opposite which was white. Next, there was a "R" and a "E" and then an "A" with a "M" and an "W" but each of the proceeding letters were harder to see because of the clouds before all of it was covered. Swooping past the bunch of several clouds that engulfed everything as every one of them revolved away to reveal the text with lines on the left and right of it respectively given that it was set by the dark of night with clouds to accompany it. Both of the "S" letters had then turned into light to mid to dark tri-shaded letters with tiny trumpet ears on both sides of the top. All while accompanied by a tune called "Fairy Tale" on the Official Score which has all the music that played in the film but did not appear on the Soundtrack, being instrumental to be specific

DREAMWORKS
SKG

DreamWorks Pictures Present

A PDI/DreamWorks Production

Above the black room surrounding all there was, a thick but faint and faded shimmer of light peaked downward. Made up of various tones of corn harvest, buttered rum, hot toddy, bird flower, alpine, key lime pie, lemon ginger, sycamore, tumeric and tacha orange and yellow colored rays that mixed in together with miniaturized flakes of primrose particles exposed by the sunlight. Down below there lied a book in the spotlight

This book was a dark mountain oak and espresso brown color, having an bit of a rich gold to hawaiian tan tint when exposed to the sunlight peaking down. On the front cover had four squares with double round rectangular borders that were close to each other but not together. The top right and bottom left side had four lines with two short strokes across on all four sides of the squares while the diagonal edges were had an X-cross. The top left and bottom right had chimeras with the top left having a rectangular and the bottom right having an square shaped head whose ends of the tails looked like an three leaf clover, both had horns and the same body although the top left was slightly bigger than the other as both were in the same pose: situated on the left side with their right paw up with their right leg forward while their left leg remained straight, their tails went upwards before curving to the left and curving back to the right. The spine of the book had double parallel ridges on the top and bottom, all parts of the Book were raised and made of slightly fuzzy linen. Finally, when opened up the pages were an creamy oat tan color while the illustrations were quite really simplistic but fascinating to look at; the gold that was used was really reflective and colorful with a unique artstyle layered atop the pages and there at least three kinds of fonts used like for the square shaped capital letter it was PetitFleur, the outer shaped capital letter used the Lime Glory Caps and the rest of the text is written in Bouswsma Uncial. Specific words in the text of the various pages were colored in red while the rest was a blue color, each one had either a top or bottom and in few cases both. Before we move on here, it should be noted that the illustrations were all done by a woman artist who was named Griselda Sastrawinata of the DreamWorks visual development team. The book opened to the side

The left having a red outlined diamond with featherless peacocks facing each other with pairs of one leaf on each side fluer-de-lis bottom edged spines that went outward like a pedal, the right depicting a princess in a thick white bottom edged dress that was a royal blue color that had a pattern of orange dots with yellow oak leaves that were falling down softly to the earth with a light thunderbird red corset tunic underneath the corset that held the dress together. Wearing a cone had that had a canary yellow greenish color with pear green shaped dots for transparency, her golden hair was long with orange cuffs around her hand as she stood in the outskirts of a nearby orange and blue topped castle with red flags; having a few trees that are in a dark blue, turquoise and faint green color and a few bushes on the left edge, the ground is both a faint and dark green with three golden blades sticking up placed sporadically on the ground. The lower square edges were a dark navy blue as the border underneath had a line of connecting oak leaves that went down and up with a pumpkin like shape that branched off at the second leaf's ending tip up and down, coming in a turquoise and mint green color. On the top the pattern continued in a more half and half line next to the blue square bordered gold as well as red colored PetitFleur letter "O" with the trio of blue middle dotted yellow suns next to the red lettering of the first word for each page that's turned

Once upon a time, there was a lovely Princess

The next page depicted on the left a smaller blue dragon on the top of the text with the red colored lime glory cap letter "B" that mostly green colored foliage with some blue in the two holes of the letter. A golden chalice that had a red square ruby in between the two blue color diamonds and yellow in the middle released a cyan colored tan trailed thick wisp of smoke as it had a few x-crossed middle slashed sparks that rounded up to eleven in total as it went off to the right side with two pieces breaking off but staying close in a parallel position. Creeping behind the chalice was a red winged horned Dragon that looked to the right, with four more sparks next to the lower text's second wording; the dragon itself had a griffon like wing that's folded sharply backwards and the blue one on top also appeared to be more blurred like fire as evidenced by the three barbs and flare that stuck out with two on the bottom in between the middle barb, having a club ended tail. The chalice's bowl was a slightly flat bowl standing above a inverted trapezoid like cap above a pumpkin ribbed horizontal oval, which then curved down into a flattened regular trapezoid like cap that was edged on both the top to bottom sides. The borders for both pages had a yellow edged panther looking back at it's tail that faced the upper corner of the faint yellow outlined small box that encased them in on both furthermost sides, the middle one was in a more red-orange color where there was a equally red-orange ring in the middle that had faint gold edged blue cones that went up to near the corners on the top to bottom and down near the corners. Though the creatures were different of course as the left side had a orange rooster centaur with green hair and the other is a naked green goat headed reptilian man who had orange hair that had it's left hand around it's lion like tail wearing a orange upward facing conical crescent hat. The right has both heads have that same kind of hat with long green hair but with a green body for the left that spewed out a snake of fire while the right was orange griffon type of body with it's wings raised outwards from the sides having it's lion tail point inwards down at the top of it's rear end. On the right side is the first red colored word with the rest of the text being blue, above and below the sentence was a straight vine having forward barbed further and behind stems with a bright red-orange colored spiked pedal while the top was more wavy going up and down with both ends having the spiked pedal in a more rounded shape like a thin club. This one detailed the upper scalene triangle being a light sky blue color with golden sparks while the lower scalene triangle being a dark midnight blue color, a unseen line was splitting them down from the upper right to the lower left while the princess from before that now had the golden colored leaves shaped like rounded edged star clovers that was fully revealed along with her orange full skin covering slippers on the bottom middle of her dress was rearing a bit backwards with her eyes closed as if she was undergoing some kind of metamorphosis in the day-and-night cycle like the chalice on the left page was the source causing her to turn into something forbidden to the eyes of witnesses. A heraldry sun and moon was on the upper left and lower right side of the pages all while the curved spiked flares from smallest to largest formed a oval around her, both sun and moon had closed eyes with closed frowns as if they pitied the princess undergoing this magical enchantment. Speaking of the devil indeed

But she had an enchantment upon her of an awful sort, that could only be broken by True Love's First Kiss

The next page on the left had it's golden edged square encase a golden edged sky blue colored "S" letter with the foliage that filled the holes on the top to bottom and upper left to lower right sides being a white color inside the golden outlines, the bottom was a darker gold though. The second sentence was written in red along with the word at the end of this page. On the top was a flame that went from golden yellow to a further orangish red from the left to right, same thing with the larger multitude of branches that formed as a breath of fire out from the beast's forked tongue maw. It's fleur-de-lis tipped tail was curving around to face the first of it's left slanted taj mahal shaped that slowly but surely curved inwards into a scallop like fin from behind it's arms. The right side featured the rest of the Dragon as it coiled around a stone grey castle which was in a lower diagonal edged triangular shape, stacking atop of that and again with the tower where the princess looked out to await her destiny and got darker on the veince blue middle; with the tower itself being the darkest tarawera blue on top as it all consisted of three together and the bottom being a eastern blue color while the main gates shaped like a rook was the lightest spray blue color although all of them combined were paled saturations. The Dragon itself had golden outlines most prominent on it's face and body with dual parallel bending lines on it's back, underbelly of the tail and behind the tail to the tip as well; there was a horizontal pattern of a small and larger oval that was darker than it's scales which was a rustic red color; going all the way to the back of the head and along it's shoulder to bicep as it's arms also had a line of ten bending lines underneath with rounded fingers that had short claws at the tips which also had parallel bending lines. It's ears were shaped in a right inward slanted teardrop that stood behind it's eyes, and it's wings faded from a red to a more bruised blue color at the outward tips as both it's fangs on the top to bottom were white and it's narrowed eyes were a darker red-orange color. The bottom borders were the same as they consisted of a prussian blue and yellow checkered shield in the middle while the right switched the pattern around, the creatures on both side alternated between a pale gold and darker sky blue color with the left one facing away and the right one on both sides facing toward the shield; both their tails curling upward into a loop that had it's lion tipped tails curving down towards the space in between, as if it's formed a heart of sorts. On both sides of the shield the left had a blue and the right had a gold creature with their tongues went out forward before curving downward to both ends, having their left paw raised to touch each ends that were both the blue and yellow lower sides that alternated on both pages

She was locked away in a tower, guarded by a terrible fire-breathing Dragon

The next page depicted a battle between the knights who came to the rescue against the bipedal rearing beast that was the Dragon, the top lime glory cap letter "M" was a dark royal blue that had a border on top extended out to the sides with golden foliage in both the upper hole and lower sides to fill it in; next to it was a sky blue vine that was outlined with gold and had teal colored leaves with the furthest left one being behind the others and the furthest right being ahead of them all. Next to the first word were two three pointed heater shields as the first had a sky blue stripe across the middle, using the checkerboard pattern with sky blue dots in the middle; being red on the upper left top and lower right bottom, blue on the upper right top and lower left bottom. The second shield next to it had a entire red left side with a sky blue vertical stripe as the upper right was red and the lower bottom was blue. The knights were all that same bluish stone grey color with the odd numbered knights having their faces in a darker color and the even numbered knights having a lighter color on the face, the helmets of all of them minus the one at the front which had a gold forehead wore a kind of surgarloaf helmet with a horizontal black visor; all of them carried gold tipped spears that appear to be menacing the beast though some of these were longer than the others as those who were at the front of the eleven knights were aiming to throw them like lances. The rest of them stood straight as the horses were each armored and some of them matched the kind of pattern as the shields wielded for defense by the knights themselves. The front horse who looked different from the rest as it was a faded coffee brown while the rest are a darker pure brown had a royal blue color with golden rings, the one behind had a teal color with an red zigzag line across and carried a blue vertical banner with the golden orange lion who had a flickering tongue that went upwards at the tip too. The next one behind had a blue and gold checkerboard pattern, the next had a teal and dark blue wavy stripe pattern with a left facing yellow eyed dolphin swimming upwards while curving to the left; the next was a diamond quill pattern with faded punch red dots on the middle of each diamond, the second to last one was a red and blue downward striped pattern and at last there was the red and teal checkerboard pattern. Their shields varied too as the first one had a downward red and blue colored stripe pattern, the second had a specific rectangular checker pattern where the teal took up the middle along with the top left to bottom right side having a gold color on the unoccupied space with blue on the bottom; the third one was a dark blue color with a gold cross on front, the fourth was a upward pointing arrow stripe that alternated between blue and gold while the fifth was a sky blue stripe going across with sky blue dots on either side on the top to bottom as the sixth was the same blue and gold checkered pattern and at last, the seventh was a vertical border between gold on the left and red on the right. The spears also had different flags with the first one having a dual split pennant flag waving in the wind, the second one behind the two spears was a sky blue flag that had a gold cross; behind the two other spears was a sky blue stripe that across with two sky blue dots on either side on the top to bottom, next to that there was a red and gold checkered pattern with three spears ahead it had another flag which didn't look like the others. This one had dual parallel gold and blue colored vertical stripes with a gold square on the top and teal on the bottom right, the next one was a diamond quilt pattern with red dots and the last one was a red and teal wavy horizontal stripe pattern as those three flags leaned forward towards the Dragon. The two words that came after the first one was written in red along with the last word of the sentence and the second word of the next one. The border on the bottom had the x-crossed box on the left and right sides with the middle having that horned creature box instead, two flatly upward curved shields went in between with the left going upwards from the right side as it was a royal blue on the top, gold on the middle and sky blue on the bottom; both ends having a pair of two gold flower bulbs that went up from the right bottom and the left top at least on the left side while the right had a vine of two hearts on the bottom with another two facing the middle box that did not have the gold outlines except for the creature itself in a warm red-orange color. The second shield had a checker pattern with gold on the upper left, teal on the upper right, sky blue on the lower left and royal blue on the lower right. The Dragon itself reared backwards with it's tail raised and it's claws coming up to swipe the spears menacing it away, breathing out a branching flare of fire from it's maw as it's talons were now revealed to be the same as it's claws; leg bending backwards with it's thigh going upward to the left on it's body and it's wings flaring upward with three outlines going off to all three directions. The border on the right had the same boxes though it was all x-crossed like the left and right sides of the left border, having a yellow tunic wearing centaur with a gold outlined royal blue rooster with wings flaring backwards on the far left; a orange peacock on top of the teal creature bending it's head down to graze and the yellow centaur on the right raising it's red knife against the far right of it's three branched red lion tail as it's waist was a royal blue and it's round buckler shield was a teal color

Many brave Knights had attempted to free from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed

The last page had the princess resting in her chamber which had royal blue curtain diagonally slid to the left revealing the bed she rested on having a pattern of a upper blue and gold to lower gold and blue cross, a green shield with a pale dark sky blue and green checkered heater shield which had a star on the left top and triangle on the right bottom; the bed being a sky blue color with the top and bottom borders being a royal blue color as above the top it had a pale sky blue color as well, the mattress itself was a lighter tan and the curtain behind her was a murky sea teal color. The top of the page had a merlon and embrasure pattern with the first six rectangular holes having six gold colored rectangles filling them in, the last three had a square instead that reached halfway, underneath the six was seven blue half circle outlined faint gold half circles on the top for as long as the curtain remained until it covered the entire pattern in the background. The top pattern after that was a gold and murky sea teal triangular pattern and the same thing as below the bed's mattress was also on top as it also went outward a bit too, though the dress she wore which revealed the orange dots were actually pink diamond shapes was covering the rest of the pattern behind the third cross. The pattern of the floor was royal blue with the dark sea teal colored stripe which had a pair of gold rectangular blocks next to each other forming a gap filled in by the dark sea teal stripe, on the bottom was a pale sky blue colored stripe that was thinner and darker. The wall in the background consisted of a pair of round top cylinders on the bottom that went down towards the bottom, the top having a teardrop shape with a inward curved inverted triangular shape at the middle with a three petal flower like hole had pointed inward barbs meeting towards the middle for both sides while the top center had a four round ended club with it facing all four directions; next to it on the upper corners was the three petal flower like holes as the previous design was in a thick ring and the other two were in a upward pointed arc both outlined and bordered from each other. The text this time was located on the lower side as the PetitFleur letter "S" was a royal blue color with golden outlines like the inner box with the outer outline being a red color, with it's foliage having both golden vined clubs and hearts. The Dragon that crept behind the chalice from before was on top of the blue text where the next sentence is written in red, following that is two words alternated in blue before going back to red for the next two and switching back to the previous blue color. It's body had two coils on the front and back with it's tail also curving into itself before going down to the first two words of the red text, having the spots like the Dragon seen two pages prior to this one with six round back fins and seven bending lines at the tail. The right side had the lime glory cap letter "F" go down a bit with a golden vine that had pale red-orange hearts on the left side while it tipped off into a three curled fleur-de-lis like shape which had the middle point outwards and the bottom curve backwards at the end. In front of the letter was a upper border that consisted of the previous blue and gold triangular pattern with a murky sea teal stripe in between, below that was a inverted blue triangular pattern that fitted in with the gold diamonds that had blue suns with a sky blue dot in the middle; followed by a gold top half triangular pattern spaced out in between with the gap that formed a diagonal striped pattern all the way up against the murky sea teal square, having the pair of featherless sky blue peacocks that were tilted on each of the upper right and lower left corners of the square. There was a wavy green vine with three hearts on each end, having in between the three in front and behind; continuing on to the right side as the rest of the text that was on the left side was written in red and the first four words written in blue as it always was. The four background arches slanted upward while the two holes being flatter than seen on the left page, the top curving to the top like a wide oval. The true love of the princess had bluish grey armor with the chainmail, rerebraces and kneecaps being a darker color than the rest while the edges of those preceding two along with the shoulder guards having gold edges as he held a bouquet of four sky blue outlined gold pedal flowers with four separate stems with three upward leaves on the right side and two pale red sashes that dangled down. Next to his side was a black hilted sword with a sky blue pommel and a long gold blade as he had a brown wavy bob haircut, while above his kneecaps there was a pair of two gold studs and the prince himself was kneeled down; wearing a gold clasp with a royal blue and thick yellow stripe on the bottom, his sabatons were vertically ribbed like the underbelly of a snake as well. The border for the right side was a royal blue stripe that had a straight fern green vine atop of a gold outlined alternating triangular pattern that went from royal blue to fern green, the vine also stemmed upwards into red slanted hearts from the left to the right with nothing else to stop it; although there was a short horizontal gap on where the two ends met. The final line of text read this

She waited in the Dragon's keep, in the tallest room of the tallest tower. Where she waited for her True Love and True Love's First Kiss...

A large green hand ripped a page from the book and revealed another part involving the whole kingdom celebrating on the Princess and her True Love's wedding day, laughing heartily as he slammed it shut. "Like that's ever gonna happen" The male once voicing the telling of a beautiful tale doubted. The revealed page underneath had a golden outlined red lime glory cap letter "C" with blue foliage at the tips with red text on the top and blue text below it as the lowest text was also red as well. This one depicted royal blue and sky blue colored collar wearing angels whose angels were made of gold, having curly to puffy hair with blue eyes; raising their hands over to the edges of the stained glass rectangular window depicting the king in orange with a red collar to wrists and stripe on the bottom below a golden cross as if he's giving the two lovers his blessings; his shoes were also tan as well. The angels held their golden striped bottom red cloths which had a pair of four dotted sparks, next to them was four banners that went up on the left which are all outlined with gold. The first one had a royal blue rectangular border with a sky blue background having four orange triangles going up, the next one was a yellow and orange checker pattern with an line of three dots on the yellow parts going up from the top left to bottom right; the third one was a teal background with three upward arrow pointed stripes leading up with gold outlined edges, the fourth one consisted of a royal blue colored background with two yellow fleur-de-lis on the top to bottom. The other side had the first banner with a orange background and a pattern consisting of two sparks on top with a dolphin underneath along with a upward royal blue arrow stripe and a star below that, the second banner was sky blue on top and royal blue on the bottom for the left while orange and blue square tiles; the third was a teal background that had three gold crowns and the fourth had a royal blue to pale gold checkered pattern as both of these went upward from the sides. The true love who wore a long royal blue cloak as there was a golden upward arrow pointing to the white sash below the gold collar, with a star below that standing next to the princess who wore a white dress with her long golden hair as the two wore crowns atop their heads. The bottom border had a orange castle with teal filled doorways and cracks on both the left to the middle and to the right, with a teal outlined red diamond that had a sky blue actual fleur-de-lis this time in between the vines of red hearts

"What a load of-" A flush of a toilet drowned out the last part of the sentence. This Outhouse was made of white birch wood, lashed together with a rope for a handle and a black crescent moon facing the right. There appeared to be some hanging moss on the tilted roof growing and a pathway of stones with grass and other such foliage growing. The area all around appeared to be woodland like with large trees and the same growing moss being connected like vines to one tree to another. The strange thing about all of this is that this Outhouse was nowhere near a household, and it just so happened that it appeared to have working plumbing with a flushing toilet

The door slammed open to the right from the inside of the outhouse, revealing none other than the male voice who narrated the book before ripping the page out for his own... shall we say, a rather unpleasant need of cleaning in between because god forbid it if one would get such a rash from this. Now, this one here is no Prince Charming and he ain't frog either; no it was a Unlikely Hero: an Ogre no less to say. Yawning and stretching out before pulling his pants from riding up on him, he took notice of the ripped page stuck to his right foot and shook it off before it finally became unstuck; falling off into the grass just before he looked at his home. (A/N: DreamWorks knew that All Star which was the first choice placeholder for an film like this was the best choice they've made, because them test screen audiences loved it so much to not take it out of the film; this allowed Smash Mouth to do the final song of one of the greatest fairy tales never told)

The Swamp was what remained of an tree that has long been hallowed out for a much more... lively use inside. Specifically the large hallowed tree that acted like a chimney that was also growing fungus and moss, it was overgrowing with some grass and there were two tree branches that headed straight for the ground, multi-pronged with a pathway of stone steps leading up onto the house itself. The area of course was filled with large trees, some ponds and some rocks with an chair and a crate with an red pot and yellow bowl. Like the Outhouse, the door had rope for a handle and there was even a window with the door having it's own peeping hole to see through. The sun shined it's rays upon the Swamp with a broom next to the entrance, some grass grew nearby and there was some logs here and there. The Ogre breathed in and left the Outhouse with the door slamming behind him as he began his daily ritual of sorts

First of these in the daily ritual was grabbing a iron studded bucket to scrape up some nice, wet and sloppy mud to which the green water formed to make his name; though it's not like he saw this because it happens every now and then in the swamp. Next he hung it on top of a branch, flung his brown long pants off onto the overarching branch and pulled down the rope as the mud began to trudge, slip and drip onto his green skin. He let out an blubbering shiver with a shake when the mud slopped against his back, he must've scooped up an extra chunky batch today and why the hell not? Sloppier and chunkier it is, more the merrier to him it was worth it. Nevertheless he always enjoyed a nice mud shower to begin his day, scrubbing his back and armpit with his brush as his crocodile flesh vest that was hung had the sun peak on through while his hanging plaid pants in front of him made the perfect censorship to cover what others call the ugly part that's hidden the most but for good reasons. He dranked what mud was pouring from the bucket from above him and spat out onto the floor, splashing with the name: "Mike Myers" forming although like before he knew it was there but paid no attention to it any further, didn't do anything bad to him and wasn't bothering anyone else so there's that (A/N: Anything that involves mud, water and fire but especially mud because our great people who worked on this film that actually took mud showers to study how it slips and how it drips off the skin was and proved one thing; it was a bitch to animate even in 2001. Damn son)

To further make sure that he's as frightening as he is hideous looking, he grabbed a red insect which was a catapillar from his ever so endless supply of bugs from a wooden cup; he went to squish the minty green solid pasty blood on a thin bone. Proceeding to brush on the inside of his teeth before covering the outside, scraping up and down before moving his mouth, giving a horrifying grin of such nastiness and putrid god awful hygiene. His smile was so bad, and his breath was so terrible that the mirror in front of him shattered into a spiderweb before all of the pieces fell to the ground; thus this revealed another name that's been carved right onto the wooden surface: "Eddie Murphy" though like before he left without a word, evidenced by the upper left shard showing him turning to the left and walking away

Next he plunged himself into a lake and making a huge splash, he turned himself right so he can get ready for the big one. He let out a loud, horrendously smelling and all the more so if not terrible than the fire breathing dragon from the book gaseous fart that formed bubbles behind him. Feeling relieved and making a naughty pose as with an French actress would or more like the good old Coppertone sunscreen pose, though there ain't no dog round here to rip his pants off; he turned to see that there's not one and not two but three red salmons of such that floated up to the surface, the stench was so deadly that it killed them all while it's continuing to plague the rest of the underwater native wildlife. He grabbed the closest one next to him before leaving as the moss in the water with nearby lily pads that surrounded it formed a third name: "Cameron Diaz" it seemed that these were giving the Ogre some hint, some subliminal message that was warning him of a wicked plan of somebody he never met before was going to destroy his solitary life forever; at least that angel of Charlie tried before he moved on with the next thing on his list (A/N: You know, Cameron Diaz, Charlie's Angels? Thought I make a not-so-subtle reference to that given that she's retired from acting believe it or not, her final film role is in Will Gluck's adaptation of the long forgotten Annie series)

He then went on to squiggle himself into a hallowed husk of an fallen tree branch that points upward diagonally, pushing out loads of mud as he climbed his way forward just like our own favorite commando ogre that he is in the trenches of a battlefield; with the sloppy mud that's spilled out to the ground, coming out all stained with it though he did smile for the worth of it all when he happened to find a green slug with orange eyes and red tiger stripes. Just the thing he needed for tomorrow night's dinner, he grabbed the creature and gave out a kind of squirm in alarm when it was picked up by a giant green hand. The tiny white worms below it which seemed to resemble maggots as the best possible identification the author can explain their look formed one final name before scattering all away in the muddy landscape: "John Lithgow" (A/N: Now you see this is what pisses me off the most about cgaussie's version of adapting the movie, the author skipped this part, they're always leaving out this part even in the Shrek Retold remake instead 3GI replaced it with him chopping wood. Nevertheless, that remake was phenomenal but here's the thing; the only other part that was bad was the Donkey's Waffles remix. Hated it the first time I saw it and I always skip it when it's about to happen, hated that shit man, hated that shit)

It was this day that happened to be his Painting Day, setting up a canvas near a lake with the beautiful green hills in the distance; he began painting his new sign, a white horizontal slab of the same wood from his Outhouse that happened to have it's top left corner missing and also growing mold and fungus. He took his time with this one as it was the afternoon by the time he was done, placing his palette down to approach the new painting and taking a good look at before giving it a beautiful kiss for one such amazing work of art; even getting some red lipstick from it as he hung the sign next to his horizontal brown "STAY OUT" sign. It was a rather hideous portrayal of his face with red eyes with some red writing that had two simple words: "BEWARE OGRE" it was also that now the top right corner was missing. It's clear that he did not paint on both sides, but then again he ain't complaining since he's happy about how it turned out

However, unknown to him who lived out his daily ritual; there was trouble brewin' in the Ogre Hunter village nearby. The door with the Wanted Posters for specific fairy tale creatures such as eleven little elves, Pinocchio, the Three Pigs, Evil Elf and of course: The Ogre himself slammed open as a group of men came rushing out of The Dead Sheep Tavern, preparing for an attack. The Wanted Poster makes the Beware Ogre sign look SO much better, no doubt about that of course. The villager drew the plan in the dirt and how they should plan to attack, telling the Ogre Hunters they should not be seen by hiding in the bushes nearby; that way the Ogre would be dead before they know what is happening and would caught off guard. The hunters grabbed their torches and pitchforks while the Ogre happened to grab his spoon a slurp up a bowl of eyeballs, clearly from his jar of eyes. The Ogre Hunters were getting closer to the Swamp through the fields with the Scarecrow in the evening sunset while the Ogre lit a match and burped a stream of flames to light his Swamp Home in the firepit, the Ogre Hunters on the other lit their torches to light their path once the night had fallen and headed into the Swamp

The Ogre had ate his catch of the day and relaxed back on the crocodile flesh recliner next to his square shaped animal pelt lamp with a shelf of books next to him. In the meantime, the Ogre Hunters came running down the pathway to Swamp; breaking over and trampling a vertical version of the brown sign that also had the same words: "STAY OUT" The Ogre Hunters ignored the sign's warning and continued to charge through. The Ogre's tiny trumpet ears picked up a disturbance in his own Swamp, it was... sounds of people trespassing. With a groan he lurched to his feet and glanced out his window, taking a look around before he spotted the group of Ogre Hunters in the far distance. He might as well do it, can't have those damn Hunters takin' him alive. The Ogre Hunters continued as they slowed their run to a walk, being on the lookout for anything that may jump out of the bushes and ambush them at anytime and moment; unknown to them, the Ogre they're hunting for was stalking right behind them silently without a hint of suspicion

The Ogre Hunters, mainly three of them consisting of one in green clothing wearing a upward pointed hat; one with an mustache and a trapezoid shaped hat and the other with an bowl cut who was large, pushed aside the tall grass and foliage as they observed the Swamp House with the light coming from the warm fire insight

"Think it's in there?" One of them asked

"Alright... let's get it!" The one in the upward hat declared, holding a torch and about to make a charge forward before he was stopped short by the one with the mustache next to him

"Hold on, you know what that thing could do to you?" He asked, for these Ogre Hunters were known to hear some of the most awful things that Ogres are known to do

"Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread!" The one with the bowl cut told him. They were all startled next as they turned to see that the Ogre had chuckled loudly, it was tall and looked down at them; speaking to them as if he was great friends with them all

"Hehehe yes, well actually; that would be a giant!" He exclaimed, some of the men had yelped and began to back off; taking this as an invitation to their Ogre Hunting, he stepped forward each time they retreated as he begun to tell the Ogre Hunters what they really do to people like them who trespass upon their land

"Now Ogres, oh.. they're much worse! They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin!"

"No!" A man was horrified

"They'll shave your livers!" Another "No" was heard as he continued. "And squeeze the jelly from your eyes!" The Ogre Hunters had nowhere to back up to and they were cornered as the Ogre added this in; "Actually it's quite good on toast" That part right there is true. A Ogre Hunter with a beard began to swing it's torch across their target

"Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya!" He warned in a false bravado in front of the Ogre Hunters. The response was absolutely NOT what he wanted. The Ogre before them looked had a eyebrow raised before calmly licking his hand and putting out his torch with a smile, the Ogre Hunters saw the fearlessness and the one who held the torch was embarrassed. "Right..." He dropped the extinguished torch

Suddenly, the Ogre had let loose an horrible and fearsome ear bursting roar directly into the faces of the cowering Ogre Hunters. They screamed in response as their torches began to extinguish one by one as the roar continued, the bits of what was eaten shot out with one hanging on it's teeth before they all landed on the faces of the Ogre Hunters. Soon he stopped and wiped his mouth, but the Hunters continued to scream until they stopped and looked at him terrified; the Ogre leaned in and whispered to them as the crickets and other hidden wildlife in the night went on in the silence

"This is the part where you run away..." It's like he knew what to expect for this was not the first time this happened before. With a yelp they immediately dropped everything they were armed with and bolted out of the swamp as the Ogre chortled to himself, the Ogre Hunters ran out with the bowl cut one tripping but still continuing to run with his fellow villagers. The Ogre laughed whole heartily and yelled after them by leaning forwards to the retreating party. "And stay out!" A piece of paper caught his attention and picked it up, it had an face of a solemn elf with an green leaf hat and white beard. There were bags and gold drawn as well but the reward written in red was not written

"Wanted: Fairy Tale Creatures..." He read to himself. Reward for his capture, could they be anymore stupid and humiliatingly cowardly? They sure as hell ain't gettin' him, so with one last look to where they ran off from and a shake of his head; he threw the paper away as it landed on the floor and headed back inside to get himself some good 'ol shut-eye and some beauty sleep; ironic considering that he is an Ogre. Nonetheless, tomorrow morning would be the day he posts a new sign on the outskirts of his Swamp; for now, he remained unaware that there was indeed a wicked plan of somebody he had never met before in his lifetime that was about to destroy his solitary life in the Swamp forever...