In Duloc, inside the Kitchen fashioned like a Torture Room; a black hand slams down a glass onto a table. A pair of black legs belonged to a lone figure in red, marching down a corridor as the masked man with yellow eyes poured in the milk with a red bull imprinted on the face; although the milk container didn't seem to level out at all. The lone figure in red with a purpose, an evil one to say, fixed gloves and readied himself as he continued forth. He was a nasty villain, a terrible man with a evil purpose; two Guards conversed with each other as they blocked the exit, but straightened themselves at the sight of none other than Lord Farquaad before allowing him entrance. He marched past them and it was revealed that although he looked like a tall, imposing figure due to the organ music playing for him; he didn't even come close to the waist of the two Guards at all, he was just four feet tall. A tiny terror this one is, at least he doesn't have short term memory loss. Inside, Lord Farquaad watched as the masked man dunked the figure in his grip into the glass of milk
"That's enough, he's ready to talk" He ordered as he approached afterwards. The masked man known as Thelonious did just that and revealed that it wasa man made of Gingerbread, but was horribly mutilated of his baked legs. Thelonious slammed him onto the cookie sheet and walked away as Lord Farquaad laughed evilly and approached the table, but stopped as it only met to his eyes and frowned. Seemed it was still at it's correct high and lowered to meet his satisfactions
"Ahem!" The table was lowered and Farquaad towered over the poor Gingerbread Man. He was a light olive beige color with two purple gumdrop buttons as white frosting was on his hands and across his waist, it was also on his two feet as well; if he had any left that is, his eyebrows were an baby blue color with white eyes and had an light apple red mouth. Farquaad proceeded to mock him by playing with his dismembered legs
"Run run run as fast as you can, you can't catch me; I'M THE GINGERBREAD MAN!"
"You're a monster!"
"I'm not the monster here, YOU are!" Farquaad threw one of his legs past Gingy and crumbled the other one in his hand. "You and the rest of those other Fairy Tale freaks are posioning my perfect world... now tell me, where are the others?!" Farquaad leaned down to him with his fist smashed to the table, demanding for whatever information this cookie baked victim had on him
"Eat me!" Gingy spat in Farquaad's eye, who removed the icing
"I've tried to be fair to you creatures, now my patience has reached it's end! Tell me or I'll..." Farquaad grabbed of his buttons
"No, not the buttons! Not my gumdrop buttons!"
"Alright then, who's hiding them?" He brought the lamp of light down on him, Gingy sat up and squinted as he led this interrogation with answers leading to nowhere
"Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the Muffin Man?" He asked, Farquaad rushed over
"The Muffin Man?" He asked as he quickly came over
"The Muffin Man" He confirmed
"Yes, I know the Muffin Man; who lives on Drury Lane?" Farquaad was unsure which Muffin Man that Gingy was referring to and wanted to make sure it was clear for him to understand
"Well, she's married to the Muffin Man" Gingy explained
"The Muffin Man?" He asked
"The Muffin Man!" Gingy yelled
"She's married to the Muffin Man" Farquaad pondered to himself for a moment before being interrupted by the door opening to reveal the Captain of the Guards
"My Lord, we found it!" He declared
"Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in!" He ordered with excitement, finally getting his hands on the one object he was in need of
The Guards walked in, being careful not to drop the priceless artifact they held in their hands that was covered with a sack; very fragile it is to say, they hung it on the hanging hook in front of the wall and removed the sack as they moved away for their lord to see what they have brought before him. It was an oval shaped object with two swirls going upwards, having rectangular slots with square shaped ones in the middle of each; two ribbons diagonally downwards towards each of either side, around the rim were oval studs that went all around the black glass. There were two other swirls on the top with the middle sprouting outwards to the sides, having three studs on the bottom that were from biggest to smallest towards the top as well. Finally, this object was an tudor brown color with an deep brass shine; although the chain remained on the back of this object that once belonged to the Evil Queen named Grimhide, where did the hook go?
Just then an lute like tune had played with an rhino and pearl river grey smoke swirling in the middle, creating smog that had begun to form into an inverted bell shaped mask with black eyes and sporting an solemn expression on it's face; although some parts were shrouded in the darkness all around it's surroundings, it quickly blinked twice before remaining silent. This was indeed what Farquaad had needed as Thelonious, the Guards and even Gingy gasped in awe; Lord Farquaad held out his mirror as he smiled, speaking these words as he spoke breathlessly as what he had searched for was now his: "Magic Mirror..." but then at that point, Gingy interrupted
"Don't tell it anything!" Gingy cried out as everyone in the room turned towards him, but Lord Farquaad had enough of this time stalling cookie man and thus silenced him by shoving him into the square shaped bin; with Gingy now screaming out "No!" the sounds of him crying out had silenced afterward as Lord Farquaad approached the Mirror with Thelonious now moving in front of the metal bin, all with an smile on his face
"Evening. Mirror Mirror on the wall, is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all?" He stood proud before the Mirror, but the response he received next was NOT what he wanted
"Well technically you're not a King" Farquaad only frowned
(A/N: In the trailers his response was: Well it's not... perfect, following the previous reaction of Thelonious and the Guards gasping; oh and there's also an scene of the Mirror retreating in fear after he broke the mirror he held. This is quite interesting isn't it? Oh and if you close enough where Thelonious broke the mirror he held, then you can see the Guard on the far right twitch his head back)
"Uh... Thelonious?" Farquaad turned to his right hand man as Thelonious held up an inverted pentagon shaped mirror before breaking it, an sign that the Magic Mirror knew too well from his time with the Evil Queen Grimhide. "You were saying?" Farquaad turned back to face him with an smile, knowing that he'll have to resort to threatening if he does not get his answer
"What I mean is that you're not an King... yet, heh. But you can become one, all you have to do is: Marry a princess" The Magic Mirror responded fast, providing an way for him to make his kingdom how he wanted it to be
"Go on..." Farquaad's interest was most definitely peaked
"Teh.. so.. uh... just sit back and relax my Lord, because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes and heeeerrrreee they are!" The Magic Mirror had moved onto the left side and introduced to him an azure to steel blue wall, featuring not only flowers with an salmon red, air force blue, carrot orange and bumblebee yellow color; but also introducing three dimmed portraits with the left and right being vertical while the middle was horizontal, all of them having an dimmed tiger orange border around them
"Bachelorette 1# is an mentally abused shut in from an kingdom far, far away. She like sushi and hot tubing anytime! Her hobbies included cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters: please welcome Cinderella!" The portrait flipped to the side to show her cooking and cleaning at the same time with an feather duster against an turkish blue background before turning back to reveal an brunette woman in an pineapple to butter yellow gown; putting on an glass slipper in front of some chili red stairs. The sushi and hot tubing part clearly had his interest, that's for sure; but she was clearly married to an prince in order to become an princess, looks like he'll have to do some stealthy bride robbing if he chooses her
"Bachelorette 2# is an cape wearing girl from the land of fancy, although she lives with seven other men she's not easy!" The portrait flipped to side to reveal all seven dwarves with one making an bunny ears gesture behind one, especially as the Mirror joked before continuing on. "Just kiss her dead frozen lips and find out what an lotted wire she is, come one; give it up for: Snoooow White!" The picture lit itself to reveal her in a glass coffin in the green forest, does this seem familiar to you? Farquaad may not see her inviting but he'll take any princess, alive or not at all
"And last but certainly not least: Bachelorette 3# is the fiery red head from an Dragon guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling lava!" The portrait turned horizontally to reveal the Dragon itself before going vertically to reveal the location, swirling with lava as Farquaad covered his eyes with his arm. "But don't let that cool you off, she's a loaded pistol who likes pina coladas and getting caught in the rain; yours for the rescuing: Princess Fiona!" The image now showed the green dress wearing princess in the window of her tower, looking out with an expression that spelled out her desire to finally be rescued from where her parents had taken her to; now THIS is what got Farquaad really interested, and he didn't have to simply just ask her out just like that...
"So what will it be: Balchorette 1#, Balchorette 2# or Balchorette 3#?" The Magic Mirror asked before going into an drum-roll that would last until Farquaad made his struggling decision, he didn't know who the pick since they were all so inviting; he'll have to preform an heist for Cinderella and have an prince kiss Snow White, but he's just not sure who to choose
The Guards in the background all called out their suggestion for their Lord: "Two! Two! Three! Three! Two! Two! Three!" An Guard had shoved the Captain who was going for Snow White in order to suggest Cinderella, as he held up his finger for number one
"Three? One... Three?" Farquaad was struggling until Thelonious came in with his final choice
"Three! Pick number three, my Lord!" Thelonious held up two fingers
"Okay okay, uh... Number 3#!" Lord Farquaad made his final decision, with the Guards all reacting in silence
"Lord Farquaad, you've chosen: Princess Fiona..." He moved to the left side and revealed the image of his chosen Princess as Rupert Holmes: Escape began playing with the Guards all applauding, even with Thelonious clapping as well
"Princess Fiona... she's perfect, all I have to do is just find someone who can go..." Farquaad thought as he was not going to go by himself, he was just simply not the rescuing type; but the Magic Mirror had realized something and attempted to tell Lord Farquaad the curse of the princess
"But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night" His attempt fell on deaf ears as Farquaad interrupted
"I'll do it!" There was no taking back this decision of his
"Yes, but at sunset-" The Magic Mirror was then silenced by Lord Farquaad as he told him to talk to the hand
"Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen and Duloc will finally have the perfect King. Captain assemble your finest men, we're going to have an tournament!" The Captain of the Guards stood tall in front of his Lord upon hearing his snapping, as Farquaad smiled evilly and declared
No matter what kind of warning he should hear from the Magic Mirror beforehand about the Princess that he had chosen and was going to send someone to rescue, he Lord Farquaad will have his queen and Duloc will be the perfect kingdom; with that order now given the Captain had left to assemble the Duloc Knights to be chosen as the champion, with the runner up being the one to take it's place for if he is unsuccessful which would continue on if the other champion fails. The Magic Mirror in the meantime had vanished, he will not like what he sees if he decides to marry her at sunset
It's definitely not going to be an pretty picture that he would want to see in his dreams that's for sure...