I'm baaaaaaaaccccckkkkk….

Chapter 9 Pretending

Lets be completely honest. Girls are so fucking confusing. My night with Brenda had been amazing. Finally fucking finally, I thought I had gotten somewhere with her. The wayshe tasted on my lips, the way she moaned when I kissed her. She was warm and affectionate. She was responsive fucking finally! I had been going back and forth with what I wanted from her. The truth was Brandon was an issue. And my fight months ago with Brenda was an issue too. I didn't know what to do about anything. The fact she so bluntly told me she didn't want anything serious from me. Then last night…last night happened and I thought FINALLY! I didn't sleep all night long. I tossed and turned at what she said. She wanted to keep me a secret, she wanted to keep that amazing night a secret. When I wanted to yell from the hollywood sign that I was in love with Brenda Walsh and we were together she wanted to pretend it never happened. I finally left the Walsh house at 5am. I left a note for Brandon saying I forgot a text book. I couldn't see her. When I was home I considered what she said. I went to school and even tried flirting with Jessica Frank who which is JUST a friend. I have never hooked up with her. She is friendly and nice but she has been hopelessly in love with Trevor Moore since junior high. Then I saw her in the hallway. She passed by completely unaffected. In class she didn't look at me once. She completely ignored me. I couldn't deal I left after lunch and went surfing. If anything the beach and ocean was somewhere I could think. It was peaceful there and I came to the conclusion that I would be anything to Brenda she wanted. If she wanted to keep everything a secret I would oblige because I didn't want to be without her. Then I saw her at the Pit after school, she was sitting by Kelly and Donna drinking a coke. Her lips closed around the straw which made my dick twitch. Then her eyes. They looked sad. That was the moment I realized I didn't care as long as I got to kiss her from time to time. I would take whatever crumbs she would give me. I made friendly conversation and she commented on my flirt session with Jessica which I knew she was jealous. I looked at her in the eyes and told her there was nothing between Jessica and myself. That was the truth and I wanted her to know. Maybe I was her dirty little secret but I was not going to whore myself around. Her jealousy was sexy which is weird. Typically thats not an attractive attribute but I was too crazy about her to be annoyed. Then it happened. I followed her into that bathroom and kissed her with every desire I had. I could do this. I could set aside everything I truly wanted to have for this. Maybe Brenda did want to get some. Maybe she wanted practice for the real thing? Maybe everything she said to me that awful night of the movie was true but there was a small sliver of hope that maybe I could make her fall in love with me.

It was 9pm and I didn't have a fucking clue how to do this. I grabbed the phone and dialed the twins line. I had a 50/50 shot she would answer and if it was Brandon I would ask him if they needed a ride to school. I owed him that much because I had taken off the following morning with the text book excuse after telling him I'd bring them. It rang once then her voice rang like bells in my ear.

"Hello." Brenda said happily.

"Hey" I responded.

"Dylan?" silence.

"I was just thinking about you. Are you busy?" I rushed out.

"Um..no just talking to Kel on the other line. Hold on one second." She clicked over.

I sat quietly thinking about what exactly I was going to say. I didn't know. I wished there was a reason I was making this call besides the fact I just simply wanted to.

"Ok I'm back. Sorry I told Kelly it was Donna and I had a question about Geometry."

Ugh lies

She began again, "So whats up?"

Ok so maybe I didn't think this completely through but I did have something to bring up.

"Look Brenda, I'm sorry…I'm sorry today was so weird." she sighed but sat quiet so I continued. "I didn't know what to do. Last night was really…special." too much. "Fun…it was really fun. And I have to admit I wasn't sure what it meant."

"I told you Dylan it wasn't a big deal. I mean…I told you I wasn't going to tell anybody."

"I know." that was the point. "Look can you meet me out front in 10 minutes? I would like to see you."

Please say yes please say yes. "Sure." she said quickly.

"Meet me on the corner of that blue house with the oak tree?" It was a few houses down. I couldn't do this phone shit I needed to see her.

"Ok." she whispered.

I drove down Hillcrest and parked. I took a deep breath and waited for her. I saw her walking down the sidewalk with her arms crossed. She was wearing jeans and a hooded sweatshirt. Her hair was up in a ponytail away from her face. She gave me a small smile as she approached. She stood next to the passenger side door and took a deep breath. "Hi." she said then she looked up towards her house.

I took a deep breath knowing she probably lied about where she was going or maybe because of the time she snuck out. "Get in." I smiled as a reached across the passenger seat to open the door for her from the inside.

She looked toward her house again and after a beat got in. "So whats going on?" she said quietly. The look on her face was nervous. Something told me from her eyes she was nervous at what I might say to her. I didn't fully understand it. We weren't together it wasn't like I was breaking up with her. Or telling her I had cheated on her, yeah like that would happen. What was she so afraid of? I lifted my palm to her cheek and she leaned into it.

"Brenda…I wanted to see you because apologizing over the phone just wasn't enough. I'm really sorry about today."

She looked at me confused, "Ok apology accepted, I wasn't mad or anything." She ringed her hands in her lap nervously.

"No I know." Ugh this was a nightmare. I laughed to myself. "Come here." I whispered bringing her in to me. "You want the truth?" She nodded against my neck. "I wanted to see you because I missed you. I felt bad leaving this morning and for Jessica." she pulled away and looked in my eyes…confusion. "I don't like Jessica." I said nervously.

"Ok." she smiled. then she giggled. "I have to admit it wasn't fun seeing her all over you today. And after last night I just thought…I'm not sure what I thought." She replied making eye contact with me again.

"Look Bren, I have to be honest I don't know what exactly you want from me. Last night was amazing." I took a deep breath. "I just don't want to screw this up."

She placed her hand on my face and leaned in softly bringing her lips to mine. It was a chastised kiss but I breathed out against her lips and opened my mouth to ease into it more. Her other hand came up to the other side of my face pushing her tongue into my mouth. Now it was my turn to moan as her hand went to the back on my neck. She grabbed my hair and went in harder. We kissed for a few minutes dominating each other back and forth. When she slowed the kiss I responded the same and leaned out from her. I looked deeply in her eyes and smiled. "I like kissing you."

She giggled, "Me too." She looked toward her house. "I should probably get back. Was there anything else?"

I looked toward her house again remembering everything. Her brother, the fact she wanted to sneak around. The fact no one but us knew this was even going on.

"I guess I just wanted to say." Fuck I don't know what I was going to say. I love you?

She spoke up, "Thanks again Dylan for saving me. I will be eternally grateful and I owe you so much. Anytime you want to sneak around…I'll be available." Then she smiled a sexy smirk that made my breath hitch. FUCK ME.

"Soooo could we sneak off to a movie or to study one of these days?" I didn't know what I was fucking doing? Study? Really McKay?

"Sure…maybe Friday night? Um..you know I could use some writing help, for our romantic poetry project. If maybe you wanted to do it together?"

"It's a date." I responded.

She leaned in and kissed me again. This time slow and steady. Her hot breath on my lips. "Goodnight McKay." she whispered.

I slowly opened my eyes and looked at her. My dream girl, my Brenda. "Goodnight." My love I thought.

I watched her walk back up to her house. She swayed her luscious ass from side to side knowing I was watching. I took a deep breath. She was going to be the death of me. But to die with this raging hard on and my desire thick with need, was a fine fucking way to go. A dirty little secret I would be. I would have fun sneaking around with her. If that's all she wanted from me. To be honest I didn't know how to be a boyfriend. I didn't know how to tell my best friend I wanted to have a relationship with his sister. If this was how I was going to spend time with my Brenda. So be it! I started my car going back to the hotel. I was home alone, my dad and mom were in Costa Rica, or so they said. I was surely going to go home take a nice long hot shower and jerk the fuck off to my Bren, to my very sexy secret girlfriend. Friday could not come quick enough. It almost sounded doable, pretending? I sure wasn't completely sure but I loved her too much not to find out.

So there is a little into Dylan's head after the night. As you guys can see they aren't the most open pair as of now. They both feel the same but both put on a front in hopes its what the other wants. Stay with me. Please review, its been years since I wrote fanfiction. Your reviews will most definitely help get me back in the swing of things so I can update the rest of my fics. Tell me what you're thinking.