50 Days ASR

"Janey?"

Shepard stopped and twisted to look back at her mother, who stood just outside the starboard observation lounge. Her hand stalled halfway to the elevator control, hanging there like some halfwit hummingbird, uncertain whether to fly on or withdraw.

"Could I join you for supper this evening?" Lucy asked. She took a deep breath and squared her shoulders, pulling her head back on her neck. "You and Spectre Kryik?"

A slow smile pulled back one corner of Shepard's mouth as her hand finally decided to go for it and hit the control to call the elevator. "Sure, Mom, I'd love that." She activated her omnitool to check her schedule. "I have a meeting until 1900, will that be okay?"

Lucy smiled, lips pressed tight. She nodded twice, then turned back toward the door. A couple of steps down the corridor, she stopped and looked back without turning. "I'm sorry for what I said to you in the car, Janey." She sucked a noisy breath in through her nose. "I watch you, and I am just always … " Her shoulders rolled ever so slightly. "... amazed at the woman my rebellious little girl turned into. I don't understand the arrangement between you, the general, and Spectre Kryik, but you didn't deserve such unkindness."

The elevator door dinged, but Shepard turned away from it. She pressed together her trembling lips and blinked away the burning in her eyes. "Thank you, Mom. I appreciate that, and I'm glad you and Bunny are here." She closed the distance between them. "It wouldn't have been the same without you."

Lucy turned and reached up to press her palm against Shepard's cheek, her thumb caressing the edge of the wounds carved into the flesh, soothing and warm. "You've borne so much pain, Janey, and I keep searching to see … ." She ran her bottom lip between her teeth, then her entire body shrugged, eyebrows lifting in a gesture of complete bafflement. "I don't know … the connections, I guess, between the girl I remember and this remarkable woman before me. How are you this woman? I missed everything in between."

Shepard stepped in and wrapped her arms around her mother. "Part of it is you teaching me through your strength," she whispered, her voice meant to travel no further than her mother's ear. "Part of it is Dad's faith that I had some great and terrible fate, and part is Anderson and his endless patience." She pressed her lips to her mother's ear. "And part of it is them, Mom. Garrus's solidity, Nihlus's volatility and vulnerability … both of them so strong in their own ways." Drawing back, she lifted a hand to mirror her mother's caress. "And the rest … just me trying to find my way through the dark."

Blinking quickly against the glassiness in her eyes, Lucy nodded. "If you love them, and they love you, then I'll try to understand."

"Thank you," Shepard replied, biting back a retort to the effect that Lucy's understanding wasn't required, nor would it make any difference. She could either accept or not. One included her in Shepard's life and one didn't. "I've got to meet with my XO and yeoman. I'll see you at 1900." She grinned and turned back to the elevator. "I'll ask Sgt. Gardener if he can put together something edible." When she reached the elevator, she found the doors open and frowned, puzzled, until she stepped between them and saw Nihlus hiding off to the side by the controls.

She turned to face the doors as they closed. "You hiding from my mother?" she asked, watching him out of the corner of her eye.

He chuckled and stepped into her, wrapping an arm over her shoulder and around her back, turning her into his embrace. "No, I just wanted to give you space and privacy, but if I'd gone ahead up to the cabin, you would have been waiting for the elevator for twenty minutes." He nuzzled her brow. "So, you have to meet with Operative Lawson and Kelly?"

Shepard nodded as she relaxed into him, her cheek pressed to the panel of his tunic, eyes settling closed, heavy and content. "Come up anyway? We've got a few minutes."

She felt him nod, his mandibles brushing through her hair. Neither of them moved the rest of the way up to her cabin, peeling apart reluctantly when the doors opened into the little foyer. Shepard slipped her fingers into his talons, drawing him after her as she walked into the spacious cabin. Even before the door closed, she stopped, surprise pulling a sharp, delighted smile onto her face.

"Fish!" she said, releasing Nihlus's hand to stride over, both hands lifting to press against the fishtank glass. She leaned in, ducking to follow the darting motions of the tank's colourful denizens. "Where did you lovely little chaps come from, huh?" She pressed a fingertip against the glass, grinning as a blue fellow with large gold fins tried to nibble it.

"Ms. Chambers is the culprit, I believe," Nihlus said. He stroked a slow, heavy hand down Shepard's back. "She seems to think you need stress relief." She heard him walk to the stairs and down. The leather couch let out a soft, squeaky groan as he sat.

"She might be right." His gravity drew her down the stairs. She watched him for a second, wishing that she'd cancelled her meeting and told her mother that they could have dinner the next day. All she wanted to do was curl up in his arms. No talk, no requirements or expectations of any kind, just savouring one another's presence in the quiet.

Nihlus held out a hand. She placed her fingers in his talons and allowed him to draw her over. She knelt on the couch next to him, then swung one knee over to straddle his lap.

Settling onto his thighs, she smiled, one hand draping itself over his shoulder, the other lifting to trace his familia notas with the pad of her thumb. "Hello there," she said, her voice soft and pitched low.

"Hello." His mandibles flicked as he stared into her eyes, the love in that gaze like a sturdy rope securing her to a dock in a stormy sea. He let out a long breath and nodded. "How are you doing?" he asked. "Really?"

"The 'had someone crowbar their way into my brain' headache is starting to fade." Shepard slipped her arms under his, wrapping them around him and laid her head against his chest. "I feel sorry for her, Nihlus," she said, the words tiptoeing out. "I mean, I know she was a monster, well … I mean, was she?" Closing her eyes, she burrowed into him. "I don't know. Yes, she was a monster, but what a crappy hand to be dealt. Live in a cage your entire life, die, or run and kill."

He wrapped his arms around her. "What would you have chosen, Jane? In her place, what decisions would you have made?"

She shrugged, the question leaning with an uncomfortable edge digging into her conscience. "I'd like to think that I'd have chosen the noble route, tried to find the best in the prison, and live to better the lives of others like myself." She nuzzled into him, breathing in the subtle spice and sand scent of him. "But would I? After Mindoir, I had plenty of opportunities to take the positive path. Instead, I chose self-destruction."

Nihlus's talons dragged up her spine, the touch comforting, easing her deeper into his embrace as they reversed and slipped back down. "Self destruction is very different than taking your pain out on others or feeding an addiction through killing, haksaya kubenar." He nuzzled the top of her head. "I believe you would have heeded the guidance of nobler, gentler spirits."

The fact that, despite everything they'd been through and all her questionable decisions, he still saw her that way amazed her. Shepard pulled back to gaze into his eyes. "I love the way you see me, cikabeknai, but I don't deserve it." She traced the ridge of his mandible with her thumb. "How about you? Are you all right? She forced her way into your head, too."

He nodded. "It scared me, but no lasting damage." He leaned down, nuzzling her lips. "The damned orbs, that's another matter altogether." A heavy shudder rolled up his body. "There were so many of them, but even though I could sense an intelligence behind each one, only one voice spoke inside my head."

Shepard leaned up on her knees and pressed her brow to his. "You'll tell me about it after my mother leaves this evening?"

Another nod and a sigh. "I will. I don't understand most of what they said. Maybe you can help me sort it." He tilted his chin up to nuzzle her lips. "But for the moment, I'd much rather just kiss you."

Shepard smiled against the rough hide. "I think that can be arranged." Returning his kiss, she wrapped her arms around his neck as it deepened. His grip on her tightened, pulling her in, the fire smoldering just beneath the surface, but restrained. A soft, disappointed sigh escaped her as he pulled back, the hard, strong pounding of her heart and the ache in her gut insisting that they not only keep going, but escalate.

Nihlus chuckled, brushing her lips with the upper plate of his mouth. "You have to meet with Miranda and Kelly, and I would much rather pick this up when we can take it as far as we like without worrying about time."

She let out a long, melodramatic sigh, then chuckled as knuckles rapped against the door. "Oh, fine, since the entire galaxy seems determined to deny me." She kissed him one last time, just a brief brush of lips, then clambered off his lap.

"Come in," she called, nodding to Miranda when the operative stepped through the door. "Come on down and get comfortable."

Nihlus stood, pressing tight in behind her. "Operative Lawson," he said, his tone curt. He gripped Shepard's upper arm, leaning around her a little. "Do you mind if I use your computer to take care of a few things?"

"Not at all. My computer is your computer." Shepard stepped out of the way, glad that he'd be just a few metres away. Miranda didn't have any sort of control over her, but she still didn't trust the operative even as far as she could throw her. Never hurt to have back up.

Kelly arrived a moment later, and the three of them got down to business. When Nihlus finished whatever he was doing on her computer, he plunked down next to her on the couch, turned to put his feet up, and started reading Saren's journal. Shepard shifted a little to act as a better back rest, and just carried on with the rest of the meeting.

"The organization has feelers on all the colony worlds," Miranda reported, her eyes shifting back and forth between Shepard and Nihlus. "They report in every hour on the hour, so we should be ready to respond as soon as one goes dark."

Shepard chuckled. "Miranda, I think we're past calling your employers 'the organization', don't you?" She shook her head at the stubborn clench that set the operative's jaw and carried on. "Omega is the best staging area we could hope for with all of Sahrabarik's relays. We can be halfway across the galaxy in any direction within a day."

The operative tipped her head in a regal sort of nod. "It is conveniently central to most of the Attican Traverse and Terminus." She checked her data pad. "How long do you anticipate remaining on Palaven?"

"A couple of days, at least. Schedule leave in twelve hour shifts, and get everyone who will be involved in ground missions training together a couple of hours a day, at least." Shepard sucked in a big breath, then let her chest collapse, driving it out. "None of them can tolerate the others, and as much as they did well on Korlus, they could do better if they worked as a unit."

"I'll see that they do." Miranda cleared her throat and straightened a little in her chair. "I'd like to approach the justicar about joining our team. We can always use more biotic power against the collectors."

Shepard nodded. "I'll contact her and make the invitation. See if your sources can dig us up a couple more tech experts. The Collectors might be primarily organic, but the fight is bigger than that, and the Reapers and their husks are most definitely tech." She closed her omnitool and shifted a bit to warn Nihlus before she stood, declaring the meeting adjourned. "I want you training with the team as well, Miranda, and I'll join them when I'm able."

Looking from her XO to her yeoman, she raised her eyebrows. "Is there anything else?"

"No, ma'am," Kelly said.

"That's all I have, Shepard," Miranda agreed, also standing. She gathered up her datapads and then stopped to look Shepard in the eye. "Congratulations on your bonding, Captain. I wish you the best." Her gaze darted to Nihlus, who'd pressed himself in behind Shepard's elbow. A quick nod acknowledged him before the operative turned on her heel and strode to the door.

Kelly stretched out a hand. "Congratulations, Shepard. I wish you and the general long years of happiness." She grinned as she looked up at Nihlus. "Your wishes will have to wait for your big day." A soft giggle met his chuff, then the yeoman followed Miranda to the elevator.

Nihlus's arms crept around Shepard's waist, pulling her back against him.

"You know, they're all going to start to wonder when I always have a turian glaring at them from behind me," Shepard said, then laughed. She turned within his embrace, then pulled him down for a kiss. "You two are far too overprotective, but I love you for it." She glanced at the time, then made a face. "We have about fifteen minutes before Mom comes up. Can you ask Sgt. Gardner to send up some dinner while I take care of these details?"

"I can." He nuzzled along her jaw. "The sooner we get this over with, the sooner we can be alone."

Shepard took a deep breath and nodded. "From your mouth to God's ears, cikabeknai. From your mouth to God's ears."

52 Days ASR

"Oh, sweet baby Jesus," Shepard whispered as she stared into the mirror. When she'd looked at the dress in the store on Omega, she'd been sure that … well, sure of everything. Why then did it suddenly seem as though she was dooming all three of them to disaster and heartache? It had all happened too fast. She'd just barely gotten back from the dead … just barely remembered either of her torins. She didn't even really have a handle on her identity as a single unit.

And what she did know about herself didn't bode well for marriage. She was crazy, closed off, and terrified of everything. Did Garrus and Nihlus want to spend their whole lives tied to that? A deep breath trembled into a soft moan.

Warm, dry palms pressed down on her shoulders, brilliant green eyes staring at her in the mirror. "What is it, Janey?"

Shepard tried for a smile that felt like a nauseated grimace. "I believe the technical term is cold feet."

Lucy nodded. "Yeah, I was so terrified the night before I married your father that I drank nearly a fifth of coconut rum."

A startled laugh escaped as Shepard met her mother's eyes in the reflection. "You? You drank yourself silly the night before your wedding?"

"I wasn't always a cranky old woman," Lucy replied, trying to look affronted, the effect spoiled by the sparkle in her eye. "Trust me, you do not want to get married with a hangover." She straightened the spray of rylamia in Shepard's hair. "I spent the entire ceremony trying not to throw up on your father's tuxedo." She caressed Shepard's cheek. "He was so handsome. The moment I saw him standing there, waiting for me, I knew that I was making the right decision, and so will you."

Shepard turned to face her mother. "Thank you for the other night." She wrapped her arms around Lucy's narrow shoulders. "Your being so kind to Nihlus meant … means so much to me."

Lucy returned the hug. "He adores you, and I haven't got the slightest doubt that he'd do anything to protect you and make sure you're happy." She pulled away and shrugged. "What else can a mother hope for?" She frowned and turned away, reaching for her hand bag and a tissue. "You know, the day I met your general," she said, blotting away the dampness in the corner of Shepard's eyes, "I knew that I'd met the man who would spend his entire life loving my daughter, faithful to her even in death."

Shepard swallowed hard and blinked. "Who wears eye makeup for an event that was practically invented for crying?" She took the offered tissue and turned back to the mirror. "I adore him for loving me that much, and I'm glad that he found comfort in my memory, but I'd never want him to spend his entire life alone, mourning." She levelled a fierce glare on her mother. "Remind him of that—forcibly, if you need to—if it ever comes up again."

A deep, breathy sigh met that. "Oh, my girl, after today, he won't look at another woman as long as he lives." Lucy smiled. "He loves you, and he'll spend his life dedicated to making sure you're happy and taken care of." She chuckled, the laugh accompanied by half a shrug. "If I have to take on two sons-in-law, I couldn't wish for ones who love my little girl any better."

Lucy pulled in a hard, noisy breath and thumped her shoulders back, straightening up. "All right, enough of that. You'll be fine once you get out there." She pressed a kiss to Shepard's cheek, the contact rough, almost brusque. "You look beautiful, and I know your daddy is looking down on you today, bursting with pride." Another kiss, rougher than the one before, and then she spun and strode out of the room. "I'll let them know you're ready."

Shepard chuckled and shook her head, watching the door for a few seconds as she processed everything her mother had said. Good old Lucy, never one for suffering emotions for too long before she had to throw up a wall. "Guess the apple didn't fall far from that tree," she whispered, turning to look back into the mirror. After a second, she swallowed hard. "I hope you're looking on, Daddy," she said. Eyes prickling with tears again, she ripped her tissue in half to form a dam under both eyes.

"I wish you were here. I wish you'd gotten a chance to meet Garrus and Nihlus. You would have told me to be wary of Nihlus, but I know you'd love him. Garrus," she said and chuckled, "well, the two of you are peas from the same pod."

Shepard spun away from the mirror and hastily wiped her eyes as knuckles rapped against the wood. Smoothing her hands down the front of the dress, she fought to still their trembling. She was ready. Maybe. Oh, dear God, not even remotely. "Yes?"

"You decent?" Anderson called.

"Never," she retorted, grinning at the sigh that answered her. "But I'm dressed, so come on in." When the door opened, the captain stepping through, she spread her arms, twirled, and then gave a self-conscious little shrug. "Well? What do you think?"

The captain stepped over the threshold and turned to close the door, taking the time to slowly press it shut. After a moment's hesitation, he turned back, meeting her gaze with a glassy one. "You look absolutely stunning." He strode over to her, his strides so strong and quick that she leaned back, feeling as though she were being charged, but then he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a tight hug.

"I … ," he started to say, but then just shook his head and held her.

After a stunned second, her arms stuck out and flailing a little like a scarecrow in a nor'easter, she wrapped her arms around him. "Am I making a mistake, Anderson? It's all too fast, isn't it? It's all so … not me, and in the end, they're both going to end up getting hurt." Pulling away, she backed up a few steps. "Stop me from panicking here, Anderson. Mom had me calmed down, but she left the room five minutes ago, and it's all coming back." She looked around. "You wouldn't have a fifth of coconut rum on you?"

A drink started sounding really, really good … better than one had since Noveria. Noveria … where Garrus told her he wanted to be with her, and she freaked out and nearly got them both frozen to death. Well … then she went into a terror spiral and drank enough to end up face down on a bathroom floor. Was that the sort of woman who should be marrying anyone?

She spun toward the door. "Sweet baby Jesus, where's Nihlus's bag. It'll have something in it."

Lunging after her, Anderson caught her by the shoulders. "Take a few deep breaths, this is Garrus we're talking about. You aren't being sold off to some robber baron." His deep, rumbling laugh rolled over her as warm as a hug. "You love Garrus, don't you?"

Heart still racing, head still reeling, Shepard drew in a long breath and nodded. "Yeah, I really do. Garrus and how much I love him isn't the problem. It's all the rest of it, Anderson. It's being married. Married for God's sake! It's Nihlus, and then … kids? What the hell am I going to do with kids?"

"Love them." He chuckled again. "You won't be doing it alone, kid. You have this huge family that adores you, and every last one of us will be right there with you, and Garrus, and Nihlus. Even for the kids."

After staring into her eyes, he seemed to see that he'd talked her heart rate back down and eased the whirlwind inside her head, and nodded. "I came in here to tell you that no father could be prouder of a daughter, or love one better … or be happier to see her find men who love her like yours do, because you deserve it, kid."

Pulling her into another hug, he said, "And I wanted to say that I know that your father is here, and that he's just as amazed by you and just sure that those two torins will never deserve you." He thrust himself back, all business as he released her and straightened his dress blues. "And just as sure that they'd better damned well spend their lives trying to."

Nodding as if that decided everything, he dusted down the front of his uniform again. "Okay, I'm going to use the facilities so I don't dance my way through the ceremony and then come back and take you down there whether you're ready to or not." He reached out and brushed her cheek. "The day I found you on Mindoir … that was my very best day."

Before she could force anything past the lump in her throat to reply, he spun on his heel and marched out the door. "You're unbelievably lucky, Jane Shepard," she whispered, her stare returning to the mirror, then past it to the chest of drawers. Pictures and mementos of family covered every millimetre of the surface. She grinned and reached out to stroke a fingertip along the mandible of a very awkward-looking, gangly young turian with a massive sniper rifle angled against his shoulder.

The batarian slavers stole her family. Yeah, she'd been sixteen, so would have been moving on in a couple of years anyway, but … . She sighed, long and low. Maybe it didn't make any sense, but that day, they'd stolen more than just the years to come. They'd also stolen the years that came before. They'd stolen trust, and innocence, and belief … the belief that tragedy didn't come as a multiple of the good that preceded it … the belief in a just and kind universe … the belief that someone loving kept watch and carried one through hard times.

Is that why you're so afraid? It's not about driving them away or being afraid of commitment and kids. You think that all the good Garrus and Nihlus bring into your life—the love and security—just means something so much worse coming?

She pulled her hand back from the picture.

A soft rustling drifted in from the open window. She turned into the breeze that carried the sound, drawing in a long breath of the sweet, spicy tang of the still-blooming rylamia. The sun had sunk far enough that the cliffs cast their shadow over the house. She hadn't wanted the ceremony to take place under the thick protection of the tarp, so they'd planned it to take place in the late afternoon shadows. Once the party started, the tarp would roll back out to protect the fragile human guests, but Shepard would bind her life to Garrus's with the sky gleaming deep blue overhead.

The rustling became more pronounced, definitely too loud to be bird analogues in the trees beneath her window. Branches snapped, and then a skeleton-like, three taloned hand grasped the window sill. Heart leaping into her throat, her entire body washed with adrenaline. Suddenly the rylamia bit at the inside of her nose, and the wind prickled against her skin, every hair reacting. She tensed, crouching a little as the metal-plated face of one of the turian husks appeared, coming in alongside the hand. It must have climbed across from the cliff, or down from above.

"Do not fear," the thing said, its voice low and garbled as organic tones escaped an electronic voice box. "Talk."

Shepard backed toward the dresser and her sidearm, her heart slowing as her muscles coiled, ready to spring. "Then talk."

It climbed the rest of the way in, slipping silently onto the floor. Damn, so much for it making enough noise to alert the others. She'd have to call out to get any help, which meant going it alone. A tight snarl curled one corner of her mouth. It didn't stand a chance, and if its puppetmaster did want to talk, she might get a chance to learn something about the shadows orchestrating the damned war.

"The echoes possess what is needed to complete a viable Catalyst," the thing said, it's voice a low, grating noise, but becoming more understandable as it continued. "They must not succeed."

Shepard's heel smacked into the bottom edge of the chest of drawers, the skin letting out a yelp that she dismissed as quickly as it appeared. She reached for her sidearm. The thing didn't look armed, but she didn't intend to take any chances. She was wearing her damned wedding dress, and her verro-to-be was not going to find her lying on the floor bleeding out in it. No fucking way. Heart pounding strong and angry, eyes riveted to the monstrosity, she groped along the wood.

"What are the echoes?" she demanded. "Who am I speaking to through this thing?" She swallowed, forcing her brain from reaction mode into logic mode. "Stop with the esoteric bullshit. I'm not in your little cryptic, mystery mind control club, so just talk to me." Her hand closed around the pistol's grip. "Are you a Reaper? Like Sovereign?"

The turian husk backed toward the window. "They are only echoes. We existed long before."

Advancing on the thing, she kept the pistol by her side, ready but not wanting to scare it off. "So what does that make you then?" A light sparked in the back of her head. "Oh! You're the suzerain." One eyebrow began a pilgrimage for her hairline. "I've got that right, don't I? You're the ones who enslaved the chia?"

"The echoes discovered what they need in the suum." The husk stopped at the open window. "If the empty ones, the ones you call Collectors, complete the Catalyst, the echoes will begin the Crucible. If they complete the Crucible, they will destroy all life."

Finally, something almost like an answer. Shepard closed the distance a couple of steps, the floor suddenly chill beneath her barefeet. "So, the echoes are the Reapers?" She nodded, speaking out loud more for herself anyway. "And they're building a new Vanguard, right? That's what you mean by the Catalyst? They're taking the colonists and turning them into a new Reaper?"

"Yes, but not the Vanguard. Sovereign failed. The Catalyst is the culmination of all cycles. It is the answer to the question."

Shepard felt the room tilt hard to starboard. One arm snapped out, reaching for the bedframe, her pistol rattling off the wood as she steadied herself. "They've figured it out?" Recovering at FTL, she rushed the husk, bare feet squeaking to a halt when it moved to jump out the window. "No, wait. Don't go. I need answers to fight them. Have they discovered a way for a Reaper to have a soul?"

The husk began to twitch, its limbs jerking as if varren had taken hold on all four limbs, each fighting to get it away from the others.

No! No, no, no. She needed more answers. "Are you creating these abominations? If you're working against the Reapers—fighting them—why not just contact me directly?"

"It is not our time. We use the tools of the echoes. Domination failing." The turian husk staggered, but then straightened. It let out a stream of growled jibberish that sounded a lot like Garrus cursing when he stubbed a talon, then turned and leaped out the window.

"Fuck!" Shepard's pulse kicked back into overdrive as she raced to the window and leaned out. The turian husk scrambled down through the branches and vines of the tree next to her window. She hesitated, looking back over her shoulder toward the door. The husk might be able to lead her to the Collector base. Damn. Looking down, she saw that the thing had nearly reached the ground. She didn't have time to go the sane path and get backup.

"Fuck!" She gathered up her skirt and climbed up onto the window sill. Ducking out, she reached over for the tree, catching hold of a thick vine of some symbiotic plant. Hand over hand, feet braking her a little, she clambered down. Chasing after the damned thing amounted to madness. Anderson would return to get her and find an empty room.

She heard the machine hit the ground, a mechanical roll of sound chattering from its mouth as it took off running. Damn it, the thing was going to get away. Throwing caution to the wind, she let go, dropping the last three metres to the ground.

Shepard's ankles let out a holler as they hit the lawn, one rolling a little. Pulling just about every muscle she owned, she managed to hit on all fours, and avoid falling. Grabbing the long, back ruffles of her dress, she pulled them up between her legs, tucking them into her belt even as she took off toward the back fence.

"Shepard?" Martin called from the back doors. "Shepard, where … ?"

The husk jumped up onto a boulder, then hurdled the fence. Taking a deep breath and offering the Enkindlers her most heartfelt prayer for coordination and dress preservation, Shepard gathered herself into the leap and followed.

"Garrus," she heard Martin shout, "your bride is making a break for it!"

(A-N: What is this? An update already? Yup ... They're talking to me, so keeping my fingers crossed that they keep it up. Thanks for your support! *hugs* )