Chapter 17
Slumber Party
BPOV
Ok so I have to admit. It's getting harder and harder to wait. I'm not ready. I know I'm not ready. But its all I think about. Dylan has been nothing but patient and supportive but I'm scared. Scared to do it, scared to wait and have Dylan think that I'm a baby or a prude. These past 5 weeks have been so wonderful. I also see the way girls look at him and that makes me nervous too.
I turn the corner to head to my locker and I see something that stops me in my tracks. Dylan is talking to Kelly, they're laughing. I watch as Kelly throws back her head in laughter, touching Dylan's forearm. My eyes look to Dylan. His smile is huge as he laughs with her. His hand coming to the small of her back briefly. My legs start moving towards them and before I know it I'm standing next to them. Their laughs die down as Dylan looks over at me.
"Hey Bren." He keeps his smile and drops the hand on Kelly.
Kelly looks at me a smile on her face, coming down from her laugher. "Hi." She says simply. I look between the both of them. Now quiet.
"What's so funny?" I find my voice.
Kelly shakes her head with a laugh, "Nothing." She looks down at her watch. "Shoot…I'm late to meet my counselor. I'll see you guys later." She looks at me then Dylan and rushes down the hallway.
My head turns towards Dylan. His arm comes around my waist, pulling me into him. He leans in to kiss me and I back away. "What's wrong?" He asks instantly.
"What was so funny?" I repeat. His eyes flicker down to my arms as they cross against my chest.
He looks at me oddly, "Nothing…you just had to be here I guess."
"Didn't look like nothing."
Dylan turns to me a funny look on his face, "What?" His eyes squint trying to read me. He shakes his head looking down before looking back into my eyes, "Are you mad…that I was talking to Kelly?" When he says it out loud I realize how ridiculous it sounds. They were just talking.
I look down embarrassed. I feel his strong arms wrap tightly around my waist. His lips press against my temple as he breathes out. "Babe." He breathes.
I peer up at him wishing I could hide behind my lashes. He is smirking at me. Looking hot as hell and sexy as sin. "Brenda." He scorns me. "Kelly is with your brother, remember? And more importantly, I'm with you." He bends his knees a little so we are face to face. I stay quiet and breath out. His lips not far from my own. He smiles at me, "You're cute when you're jealous though."
I roll my eyes and shove him away from me playfully. He laughs out loud his back hitting the locker.
"I'm not jealous." Even I don't believe my voice. He smiles and reaches for me. He pulls me against him roughly. His hands low on my back, one drifting lower as he gently pats my jean covered ass. His lips meet mine and he kisses me slowly, his tongue teasing mine. His lips seem to be molded against mine, made just for me. Pulling back slightly, he kisses the corners of my mouth, followed by my nose, and then my lips again.
"It's only you." He whispers against my wet lips and my heart flutters. The bell then rings breaking our bubble and he pats my butt again. "I'll see you at lunch." He leans down kissing my cheek as I watch him walk away.
What the hell is wrong with me? Kelly is my friend, my brothers girlfriend. Dylan is my devoted boyfriend. I shake my head with a sigh so disappointed with myself that I could be so insecure. I grab my books from my locker quickly and rush to class. Man I'm bad at this relationship stuff. Thank god Dylan seems to think my innocence and blatant lack of experience is cute because I'm ridiculous.
It's lunch and I shut my locker, after putting away my books and grabbing my brown lunch sack. I walk to the quad. I don't see Dylan but I do see Kelly and Donna sitting at the normal area on the grass we usually eat at.
"Hey ladies." I sit down as both girls greet me with a smile.
"Where's the guys?" Donna looks around. We all always sit together. Unless Dylan and I ditch the gang and eat alone once in a while.
"Isn't that Dylan?" Donna says and my eyes find him instantly from a far. He's talking to fucking Casey and my heart drops into my stomach. I growl and turn to watch Kelly and Donna laugh. I didn't know I had done it out loud.
"Men are stupid, women are crazy. The reason why women are crazy is because men are stupid." Donna smiles and I chuckle. "I just read that somewhere…but it's true right?"
"I don't know why I care when he talks to girls." I admit.
Kellys head tilts, "I get it." She admits too, One shoulder comes up, "I love Andrea but…I get a weird jealous feeling when I see Brandon and her walking in the halls, I know it's just insecurity."
I look at her surprised, "Really? You're insecure?" I'm very surprised by Kelly's admission. She is always so secure in my eyes. Pretty and popular. I would have never guessed.
"Sure. I know Andrea likes him even though she is a good friend. And Brandon does too. Sometimes I think that Brandon will realize that he should be with someone smart and strong like Andrea and not someone like me."
"My brother loves you Kelly. He's absolutely crazy about you." I tell her.
"I know." She smiles. "Still…you can't help the little insecurities that pop up now and then."
I look at Dylan, Casey is touching him and even though he isn't being inappropriate, she is as usual. I huff out.
"Why don't we have a girls night?" I say out of no where. Trying to think of anything other than Casey flirting with my boyfriend.
"What do you mean?" Donna smiles.
"A sleepover, a night of female bonding at my house, a chance for us to get together and talk about what's important."
"Like in our pj's?" Donna questions.
"Well Donna…that would make sense unless you prefer to sleep in your clothes." I smile at her.
Kelly makes a face, "Like a slumber party? Aren't we a little old for something like that."
"It's not a slumber party." I shake my head.
"Well…I mean can't we hang with the guys later? After we've talked and bonded and everything?" Kelly asks and I laugh.
"Kelly? My point is a night without the guys. An evening to ourselves, where we don't have to think about guys or talk about guys or worry about what we look like because some guy is around."
"I think it sounds fun." Donna chimes in. Kelly sighs loudly.
"Look, you've been with Brandon for a while and I with Dylan. I think we should all spend some time together. Also." I look down, "I think…I just need a night off from Dylan."
"Why?" Kelly asks as her and Donna lean in.
I'm about to open up about my insecurities and the possibility of losing my virginity when Brandon tackles Kelly to the grass. She giggles and they kiss deeply. Steve sits next to Donna, opening his lunch and Dylan sits next to me. He kisses my cheek gently.
"Sorry I'm late got side tracked." He utters reaching into his bag and taking out a sandwich.
"Yeah." I huff, "I'm sure." He looks at me catching my tone. I look at Kelly and Donna, begging them with their eyes for this much needed girls night.
"What are you disgusting love birds doing tonight?" Steve asks out of the blue, directing his question at Brandon and Kelly.
Kelly smiles at me and looks towards Steve, "Actually, we are sleeping over at Brenda's" Brandon looks surprised. Then he smiles, "Sounds good to me." He pulls her into him and she pushes him playfully.
"No." I say to my brother, "You aren't staying there." I look at Dylan.
He smirks, "A slumber party?" He jokes.
"It's not a slumber party." Donna interjects. "We're bonding. Female bonding at its' finest."
"You guys going to wear nighties?" Steve wiggles his eyebrows looking to me, Kelly and Donna.
"Donna?" Kelly and I say at the same time, Donna brings her hand back, hitting him gently on the back of his head. "Thank you." We say after.
"I thought we were going to do something Bren?" Dylan finally speaks up. His voice quiet, his eyes a little disappointed, the group looks towards us.
"Raincheck?" I eye him, my voice flirty. I lean in and kiss him softly and he deepens it. As I pull away, "Saturday?" I whisper and he nods kissing me again.
"Brandon…kicked out of your own house. Why don't we do something? The three of us. We can go find girls that are interested in having a slumber party with other guys."
Brandon shakes his head and pulls Kelly into him, "I'm good Stevo I got a woman. But I'm down to hang out."
"Dylan?" Steve asks hopeful.
Dylan chuckles and gives a nod and looks down before making eye contact with me. I look at him and I know my expression is questioning. My eyebrows lifting, testing. Silence is not a good thing right now Dylan. He goes to move his arm around me and I pull away. Why can't he answer Steve did like my brother had?
He clears his throat, he reaches for my hand. "Bren? Can I talk to you for a second?"
It's my turn to clear my throat and allow him to pull me up.
He keeps my hand in his as he walks away from the group. I vaguely hear Brandon ask Kelly whats going on with us when Dylan turns me to face him.
"What's going on with you?" He asks annoyed. "You've been acting weird all day?"
"Nothing." I cross my arms in a childish stance.
"If I go out with the guys tonight Bren, it will be because you're not with me, something to do not to pick up women, Steve is just being Steve." He says honestly. "It's been months of only you, I thought you knew me by now."
"How's Casey? Maybe she'll want to go with you guys tonight?"
Dylan's face scrunches up confused then he realizes I saw them, "Come on babe. You know how I feel about you."
"I mean obviously Casey can give you something I don't." I swallow hard and Dylan's face goes from confused to utter hurt.
"I don't get you. I haven't done anything wrong!" Dylan yells at me and tears prick my eyes. Why am I mad at him right now? I think its a mix of my hormones and insecurities and being scared to take our relationship to the next level. I mean if I don't put out, how am I going to keep someone like Dylan? Tears fall down my cheeks and it's more to do with what's happening in my head and not Dylan.
"Bren?" He whispers guiltily and steps closer to me. "I'm sorry." He says quietly thinking I'm crying because he yelled at me.
I shake my head as he pulls me into him. He hugs me tightly and I sob out. What's happening to me? See I need this non slumber party like I need air right now. Like I usually need Dylan. "Bren…I'm sorry." He coos repeating himself.
I pull out from him. I have no idea what to say, "Have fun with the boys Dylan. I'll call you later." And with that I walk away. Before I can fuck this up anymore than I have already.
I hear a knock on my front door, Brandon gets it thinking its Steve. "Brenda…Kelly and Donna are here to bond with you!" I walk into the foyer in time to see Kelly kiss my brother hello.
"Where are you going?" She asks and Brandon smiles at her.
"Steve, Dylan and I are going to check out some club." He kisses her nose and my heart beats faster. I haven't talked to Dylan since lunch. Since I made a complete fool of myself and now I feel so stupid.
"Be good." Kelly coos, kissing my brother making me look down.
"Always am Kel." He swats her ass playfully and the honk of the Porsche is heard out front. "Bye ladies…have fun bonding." Brandon kisses Kelly again and leaves out the front door. I swallow hard and want so bad to look out the window to see if Dylan is there. Even though I know for a fact that was the distant honk of the Porsche.
I turn towards the girls and tell them to go change into their pj's. They head up the stairs and I head to the kitchen to finish making popcorn and drinks and junk food for us girls. I knew I wanted this night off with my girls but it's becoming harder and harder to think about anything other than Dylan McKay.
I push him away from my brain and try to enjoy my time with the girls. Andrea is there now and we have been giggling and dancing to songs on the radio. We are interrupted by a girl I have never seen before waving her hand slowly, "Hello."
"Amanda!" Kelly explains. "Hi." Kelly moves towards her. "This is Andrea, Donna and Brenda…this is Amanda Pacer." I smile at her. She is very pretty. Kelly mentioned after school that she had talked about making plans with her friend Amanda. She was senior and I had told Kelly to invite her along.
"Hi everybody." Amanda says sweetly. She grabs Kelly's arm a little stepping into the foyer. "I thought you said this wasn't a slumber party."
"It's not." I hear Kelly defend it as she pulls her into the living room.
Amanda is quiet and I'm not sure about her. She has a snobbish air about her and I feel like she is watching and judging us all. She thinks she is better than us.
Soon we are all making sundaes and doing what girls do at their finest. Pigging out. Amanda doesn't eat a thing. She watches us with a bitchy and bored expression on her face.
Kelly sprays the whipped cream in swirls onto her sundae. "Now this is something you can't do in front of guys."
Andrea grabs the whipped cream, "What?" Andrea is so sweet and naive when it comes to this stuff, in everything else she is a genius. I'm a little less naive than her it seems because I know what Kelly means.
"Pig out." Kelly laughs and all of us giggle.
I look to Amanda as she stares, "Do you eat on dates Amanda?" I ask her with a smile. Trying to include her.
"Never." She keeps her face straight, "But I always order something really expensive."
"Why?" Andrea asks.
"To let them know I'm worth it." Amanda smirks.
"Wow." Andrea breathes, like she is taking notes for class.
"I knew it was over with Steve when I started pigging out every time he took me out to eat." Kelly says with a shake of her head.
I chuckle, "He never took you out to eat Kelly." I joke. She laughs out loud as the girls join in.
She nods, "Touché." This was a good idea.
We sat around feeling full and sick. Amanda looks at her watch, "Damn it."
"What?" Kelly asked, she looks annoyed.
"It's after midnight." Amanda says disappointed.
"So what…do frat boys turn into pumpkins?" I say with attitude over her bullshit.
"No…they turn into drunkin slobs." She answers back and crosses her arms. "You sure made my night." She looks at Kelly.
"Amanda…you didn't have to come." Kelly says back over her bullshit as well.
"What? And miss all the fun?" Her voice is condescending.
"Why don't you just leave?" Kelly huffs.
"No…I don't want too." She replies. She takes off her blazer and sits down in the chair she had been sitting in judging us the whole night. "Besides everyone has ruined my night…its time to ruin theirs."
"What are you talking about." Kelly shakes her head.
"I have a game…if you're up for it." She smiles.
"What game?" Donna says from beside me
"Skeletons in the closet."
"What is it?" I ask interested but I notice Kelly close her eyes and sigh.
"Well…everyone sits in a circle and the person in the middle has to answer everyones questions as honest as possible."
I swallow, "What kind of questions?"
"Whatever you feel like asking…but…the better the questions the better the game."
"I don't know." Andrea shakes her head.
"Why…what are you hiding?"
"Nothing." Andrea looks down. I don't like how she is making her feel at all.
"Fine…let's play." I say outright receiving looks from Kelly, Donna and Andrea. Here goes nothing.
Kelly begins and I asks her what her favorite color is and Donna asks her what her middle name is.
Amanda rolls her eyes. "Seriously? Wretch. The game is Skeltons in the closet."
Andrea surprises us all, "What was your first sexual experience?"
Kelly smiles, "Um…it was with Steve. After we started going out for a month. He started talking about sex all the time. When…where…how?" Kelly laughs. "After all the talking and planning we ended up doing it in his bedroom one day after school. His mom was being interviewed downstairs by entertainment tonight." We laughed. "they even talked to Steve afterwards. You guys should see the tape. He has a goofy grin all over his face the whole time." I smile and think about Dylan.
"No…why don't you tell them about your real first time."
"That was the real first time." Kelly swallows hard.
"Really? What ever happened to Ross Weber?"
Kelly blinks a few times staring at Amanda. "Whose Ross Weber?" I ask interested.
Kelly is quiet as she eyes the group. "Well…come on Kel?" Donna eggs her on.
"Alright…Ross Weber was this godly stud on the football team that I had a hopeless crush on in the 9th grade. I was working the whole year at getting close to him. I started hanging out with the cheerleaders, going to all the games, pretty much tagging along wherever he was going to be. And…one night after a game. Everyone was getting drunk…well except me, a bunch of us rode up to Mullholand. When we got there Ross wants to take me to his favorite place in the woods. I was so stupid, I think wow…that will fun. But of course when we get there…all he wants to do is have sex." Kelly swallowed as her eyes filled up with tears, "He kept saying, Come on Kel…you know you want it. You know you want it Kelly." A tear falls from her eyes, "And I did…but not on the ground. He didn't even bring a blanket. It was over pretty quick and he took me home…and never talked to me again." Kelly is opening crying now and I want to hug her. How terrible to have her first time be so awful. That was practically date rape. I think of Dylan and wonder if my first time will be with him. That is if he hasn't given up on me yet and my mood swings.
"You have a wonderful guy now Kelly." I say to try to cheer her up. She smiles and nods.
"The best."
Soon Andrea is in the circle. Amanda asks her why she pronounces her name Aundrea…instead of Andrea and I internally roll my eyes. Who the fuck cares, it's her name. She is a complete dick. Amanda asks Andrea if she's ever slept with a guy before. And Andrea even though a little embarrassed, replies she hasn't. Big whoop. I'm a virgin and so is Donna. But then I get nervous she'll ask me the same thing when its my turn.
Kelly smiles, "If you can sleep with any guy in school who would it be?" Oh god this isn't a good question.
"Oh come on guys. I can't answer that." Her voice is un Andrea like and she looks down. It's like we wait in suspense for her to say who we know she wants to say. But the problem is she can't say who she wants to say because my brothers girlfriend is sitting right next to me and is the one asking.
"Yeah you can." Kelly smiles with a nod.
"Um…I guess…um…I guess it would have to be…"
"Brandon?" Kelly says unashamed. My eyes widen.
"No!" Andrea looks at Kelly and shakes her head.
"No?" I ask
"No!" She says again, tears filling her eyes. "No…not Brandon no…it…would have to be Hans Fleshman he is this ridiculously cute lifeguard that pulled me out of the water last summer on Zuma beach."
Kelly smirks, "Sure Andrea we believe you."
"What is this?" Andrea is getting upset.
"I'm not gonna get mad Andrea." Kelly crosses her arms. She looks at me and I know she is telling the truth. She won't get mad, but it still bothers her. Our conversation coming back from lunch.
"Brandon is just a friend…I do NOT want to sleep with him."
"Wait a second." Amanda chimes in, "Is this Kelly's boyfriend Brandon? The one you're always walking around the halls with? Batting your big cow eyes at everyday?"
Andrea looks at Kelly, then at me. "What are you talking about?"
Amanda laughs out loud, "Get a life Andrea…the whole school knows. Not that they care."
I purse my lips together and look down. Silence fills the living room. "It's true." Kelly nods. Well this is fucking awkward.
Andrea swallows hard as tears fill her eyes, "K…Ok…so it is Brandon." She looks like she wants the living room to swallow her whole and I don't blame her. Kelly is quiet and reflecting.
We move on in silence as we put Donna in the circle. Donna doesn't have any secrets. We know everything about her. Her crush, her father is a doctor and they are rich and still married. No one has gone insane or anything. She is totally and utterly normal.
"You know what your problem is Donna?" Amanda looks at her. "Your life is totally boring. Anyone who can't dredge up one secret about themselves…if either lying or a total zero."
"That is not true." I stare at Amanda. Stupid bitch.
"Why?" Amanda looks at me. "What are you hiding Brenda?"
"Nothing…Amanda." I keep my tone. Donna won't give it back…but I will.
"Really? That's not what I hear." She has to be lying. I haven't done anything.
"Brenda…what is the most completely outrageous thing you've ever done?" Kelly asks with a smile.
I smile back. "Mmm. I went with a bunch of my friends last summer down to the lake. And a few of the guys decided to go skinny dipping."
"Did you?" Andrea asks her eyes widening.
"Nooo." I laugh, "They were just trying to get us to take off our bathing suits. So instead…we took theirs." The girls laugh.
"How outrageous?" Amanda said like a total and complete little asshole.
My head turned towards her, "Why don't you just shut up."
"Oooo did I hit a nerve?" Amanda says back to me.
"No it's just that you've been acting like a total bitch since the moment you got here."
She pots her lips, "Oh I'm sorry…I didn't mean to be riude." Her voice is fake and I know there isn't a genuine bone in her body.
"So that's it…no shameless secrets. No delusional crushes?" She says.
I look at her, "No…I have a boyfriend."
Amanda laughs out loud, "Right…Dylan…McKay." I look at her as she smirks at me. Her eyes telling me she knows all about Dylan.
"You have something to say to me?" I stare her down. Bring it Amanda…bring it!
"Oh No…not at all. I mean Dylan is gorgeous. You're a lucky a girl. Well…I mean most of the girls at West beverly are lucky it seems, I mean you aren't the only one sweetie."
"Amanda." Kelly says and looks at her.
"I'm just saying. Your guy gets around. But I'm sure after you two did it…everything changed." Her tone is again condescending and I know she doesn't mean that.
I swallow hard and look to the girls, "well…we haven't…yet."
Amanda smiles, "Well…if he isn't getting it from you…he's getting it somewhere. That boy can never keep it in his pants. I know from experience."
I look at her, "Excuse me?"
Amanda shrugs with a smirk, "Kelly even dated him." My heart stops beating as I look at my friend. She shakes her head.
"I…I did not." She says stuttering.
"Seriously? Everyone has." Amanda says to really get that across.
Kelly takes a deep breath, "I did not." She looks at Amanda then back at me. She looks nervous and looks down. "Before you moved here, I did try to get a date from Dylan."
"What?" I hissed.
"Brenda I had always liked him and he flirted with me all last year before you moved here. He flirted with everyone."
"Did you have sex with him?" Dylan told me he'd been with a lot of girls, but had only slept with 3, was Kelly one of them?
"No!" Her eyes wide, "Of course not!"
"Well…obviously he wasn't interested." Kelly's mouth drops insulted.
"Fine…Brenda…I get it…I was just trying to be honest."
"What honest that you want to put the moves on my boyfriend?" I stood up and yelled.
Kelly gets up too. "I'm with your brother of course not! Geez Brenda. This was before you were even in LA. What's the matter with you?"
I close my eyes knowing she is right, I'm being absurd, "I don't know. Dylan makes me crazy and to think about all the girls he's been with…it drives me mad." I admit. Kelly's eyes soften but she still looks hurt. "It makes me feel so insecure. Even Amanda has been with him." I point to her.
She laughs, "I really haven't. Please my taste is college guys, not brooding sophomores, no matter how cute they are."
I huff out, "God you're a bitch!" I say knowing she did all of this to have me lose my shit…and sadly it worked.
She smiles, "I know." She shrugs.
Andrea stands up, "I can't believe you guys! I came here to make good friends. You're all so gossipy. I'm out of here."
"Me too." Kelly turns.
"So am I." Donna says too.
Amanda gets up, "Told you we should have went to the frat party."
"Wait a minute…we haven't put Amanda in the circle." I cross my arms.
Kelly looks to her, "That's right Amanda…it's your game."
"Oh forget it…you guys are a bunch of dupes I would never tell any of you anything private about me."
"Wish I hadn't" Kelly says sadly.
"Me either." Andrea agrees.
"No Kelly." I shake my head. "What happened to you was a terrible thing and I'm glad you told us. I'm so sorry that happened to you." She looks at me touched.
"And it's nice to know you aren't so perfect after all. That you have insecurities too."
I laugh, "I have major insecurities and far from perfect."
"Bren…I'm sorry…I would never try to take Dylan away from you. I love Brandon. I really do."
I nodded, "I know." She hugs me tightly and I exhale…relieved.
Andrea swallows hard, "Kelly?" Kelly turns towards her. "And I wouldn't take Brandon away from you. He's a good friend and I'm getting over my crush I swear. I respect your relationship and he's so crazy about you."
Kelly smiles, "I'm sorry I gave you a hard time. I know sometimes I'm jealous of your friendship."
"You're jealous…of me…and Brandon?" Her voice soft…shocked. Kelly nods and opens her arms. Andrea is relieved, she was so jealous of Brandon and Kelly.
"I'm sorry I called you gossipy." She falls into our hug now.
"It's okay…I am gossipy sometimes." Kelly admits with a laugh and we all join her.
Donna stands there, "Well I'm sorry I don't have more problems…but when I do…I'm gonna need your shoulders to cry on." We all smile and pull her into our group hug.
We hear the door close and we are all happy Amanda has left. I may not feel 100% better about Dylan but this night has truly done its purpose. I feel closer to all my girls more than ever before. Female bonding…whatever is was a successful slumber party I finally admit to myself.
As we get ready for bed, laying out our sleeping bags and turning out the lights. The front door opens and Brandon walks through. I look at him, "Hey."
He carefully steps down into the living room, careful not to step on any of the girls, "Most guys would die to be in this room." He comments and I smile.
"What did you do?" I ask him shamelessly. Yes I want deets on Dylan.
"Oh you know…guy stuff." I roll my eyes. Great.
"What about you?"
"Oh you know…girls stuff." He smiles.
He looks down trying to find Kelly in the mix of sleeping bags. "Meaning?"
"Meaning you tell me and I'll tell you."
He shakes his head, "Forget it…I don't think I even want to know what girl stuff is." he gets up.
"Good…I wouldn't have told you anyway."
"Goodnight Brenda."
"Goodnight Brandon."
"Goodnight John Boy." Kelly says and we all laugh thinking about show The Waltons.
Brandon laughs out loud finally finding her as he jumps on her tickling her. I hear a soft knock on the door. "Oh Right…Dylan is outside. He wants to talk to you Bren." Brandon lays next to Kelly, in between her and Andrea. I see him wrap his arms around both of them and I laugh internally. Then it dawns on me what Brandon just said.
I sit up quickly, "Dylan? He's here…right now?" I try to remember what I look like.
I get up looking down at my night shirt. I step over the girls. "Bow chica bow wow." Donna sings and the gang laughs loudly. I'm so nervous I can't even laugh even though it's hilarious. I open the door and see a serious Dylan standing on my porch.
"Hey Bren." He is delicious, in all black…his hands in his pockets. I step out into the porch and close the front door behind me. "How was your night?" He asks shyly.
My arms cross over my chest and I look down before meeting his stare. "It was good. Yours?"
"Miserable."
I'm surprised by his admission, "Why?"
Dylan looks to the side and takes a deep breath, his eyes look into mine and I see raw honesty, he shrugs cutely a little, "I kept thinking about you. If you were still mad at me? If you were changing your mind about being with me?"
My arms drop dramatically to my side as I take a couple steps towards him, "No! That's not it." I sigh. I reach for his hand and he squeezes it tenderly. I pull him to sit with me on the porch step. I hug my legs trying to find my nerve to tell him the truth.
"I." My eyes close. I feel his hand on my back. I look at him, his eyes glistening with nervousness. "Im sorry." I say. "I'm sorry for being such a bitch lately." I sigh out loud again. "I've been thinking about us a lot lately and I can't help…but feel insecure." His arm tightens around my waist, encouraging to continue my confession. "All the girls want you Dylan. What makes me so special to hang on to you? We don't have sex, what can I offer you to make you stay with me?" My eyes find the empty street, "I feel like I'm not good enough for you and one day you'll realize it."
Dylan's face softens, "Are you serious? Brenda regarding sex, I'm not here because of that…I never have been." Dylan breathes out, like he's about to confess too, "Brenda." He whispers my name, "You have changed my life…without even trying. I'm the one that doesn't know how you are with me? You're so perfect and together. You have this amazing family that's supportive and always here for you. You have friends that adore you. You're smart and beautiful and loving. Brenda I'm a mess."
My hand comes to his face, turning it slightly so he is looking at me. "You're not a mess Dylan. You are so wonderful."
He smirks a little, leaning in to kiss me softly. It's a whisper on my lips of adoration and promise. "I don't care about other girls Brenda. You are the only one I see."
And there is that insecurity that pulls at my stomach, I get up and I know his eyes are on me, "There is just so many." I breath looking out to the street finding bravery when his eyes aren't on me. "When I saw you talking at school today with Kelly. Laughing and touching. I have never felt so insecure in my life. It didn't matter that you were devoted to me, it didn't matter that Kelly was with Brandon. I saw the two of you and I felt like wow…they look great together. They have so much in common, and I flashed forward thinking thats who he should be with. He'll realize one day."
I closed my eyes as I felt Dylan's hands on the top of my arms. He rubbed them softly kissing the back of my head. "You know what Kelly and I were talking and laughing about?" He said softly against my hair. I shake my head gently. "We were talking about you and Brandon. We were laughing because I joked that who would have thought two people like us, basket cases, who had to walk home alone because our parents forgot to pick us up at school, could have found love with such amazing people, people so opposite than us, we found it funny, how life works…love." My heart stopped.
I turn suddenly, "Love?" I whisper. And he smiles.
He takes my hands, "Yes…I love you. I have since the day you walked into that classroom, adorable and shy. I've loved you for 7 months Brenda and I've wanted to tell you every moment of these last 5 weeks since we've been together." I look into his eyes. They pull me in deeper. "I love you." He repeats.
I smile and tears fill my eyes, "I love you too." My voice breaks.
"You do?" His hand comes to my cheek. His thumb caressing it gently.
"So much." I whisper.
He answers me with a passionate kiss, his fingers tangled in the hair behind my neck before he tightens his grip and pulls gently, making me feel like he owns every hair on my head and every inch of my body. His tongue tastes mine deliciously and I moan in his mouth as he pulls at my back so I'm tighter against him. He drops his lips and sucks at the skin on my neck so hard it overwhelms me and I close my eyes to cope with the sensory overload, but it was no use. His lips come back to mine this time, feverishly. He groans a little grabbing my butt. He pulls back, resting his forehead against mine. Catching his breath.
"We may not be sleeping together yet." He exhales and I don't miss the emphasis, "But Christ if this is how it is only from kissing you…I don't know if I'm quite ready for it either." I leaned back and he smiles.
I laugh out loud and touch his face. "Liar." I joke.
He chuckles, His eyes running down my short nightshirt that I just became aware again I was wearing in front of him. I had been in less clothes at Kelly's but here I was on my front porch. His eyes drink me in, "You're right…I'm ready. I'd take you upstairs right now in a second and it would be worth death by your father…and Brandon." We laugh together and then he gets serious. "There isn't anything going on with Kelly Bren…Casey or any other girl I happen to run into in the halls. I want you. All of you…whenever you're ready." He said so honest it brings tears to my eyes again.
"Me too." I say simply back. I look towards the door, "You want to come in?" I roll my eyes, "I'm sure Brandon has set up camp next to Kelly." I know my brother and there was no way he wouldn't sleep next to her. Even if it meant moving to his bedroom before my parents woke up.
Dylan shrugged, "Sure." He nodded. He took my hand and followed me into the house. Sure enough I see Brandon now in Kelly's sleeping bag holding her. I climb in and open the sleeping bag wide. Dylan smiles and climbs in behind me. He holds me tightly, spooning me from behind. The living room is silent, everyone seemingly sleeping now. He kisses my head, my ear softly.
"Night Bren." He breathes into it.
"Night." I whisper back.
"I love you." He tells me for the third time of the night and its still as exciting as the first.
"I love you." I tell him back. He squeezes me closer to him and I hear him sigh happily. I look straight ahead and see Kelly's eyes on me, now that mine have adjusted to the darkness. She smiles at me knowingly, hearing us. I smile back, sharing an unspoken understanding and contentment, both of us feeling secure with our boys in that moment. I close my eyes and dive into the warmth of Dylan beside me and the new open love we have for one another. I'm not sure when I'll be ready to have sex with Dylan. Next week? A month from now? But this time I'm sure it will be him who I give it to. There isn't an insecurity in my bone about that anymore. He's the one…he's my first love.
Brenda and Dylan love each other! How was it? I had planned a totally different chapter in Palm Springs, but when I was looking at the episode list of season 1 I came up with this idea instead. Hope it was okay? Brenda was feeling insecure and now I think she'll be more secure in her relationship with Dylan. So when she decides to move their relationship into the next level, it won't be in fear of losing him, it will be because she wants to. I do not plan on Brenda being a crazy jealous girlfriend either like Kelly was with him. She needed some reassurance and she got that. Next up we see a run down of DPOV of the night. He gets some advice from an unlikely source that leads him to visit Brenda at her house. Palm Springs will happen too. With some more firsts for these two and things are moving along. Let me know how you liked this. Love ya!