While not being exactly a song fic, this chapter draws some inspiration from David Bowie's Ashes to Ashes and especially Split Enz' I Got You.

After iLost My Mind, before iLove You.

The interior monologues of Sam and Freddie on a date.

I can't believe you're here with me. I mean, I can, we've gone places before, usually with Carly but not always. I can't believe you're here with me and you're mine, my boyfriend. I think I wanted this even before I knew I wanted it, and then one day it just became all I wanted.

Now that I'm back in school, even in the most boring classes I can think, "Freddie's so cute and I can kiss him later." You might think that would make the time away from you go slower but somehow it relaxes me.

I guess because for a while I was wondering if it would ever happen and now I know it will, just as soon as we can meet up in the hall again.

So many feelings for you, Benson. You've changed...well I don't know if you've changed me but you've changed...things for me. Used to be I could barely stand to be home, it was just a place to eat, sleep, and keep things I didn't leave at Carly's.

The other night, though, when you came over after our date, there was nowhere else I wanted to be. It even kinda felt like home. Even after that argument we had walking home from the movie. You're still wrong, the girl in it was boring, but I loved listening to you say why you thought she was interesting (I especially liked that by "interesting" you didn't mean a brunette with nice legs).

And when you got me home, that kiss you gave me at the end of my walk was…well I guess I was wondering if we could still fight the way we used to because I LO...I really like feisty Freddie; I don't want him to go away. But I'm your girlfriend now. Can I still be Sam? Can we still be Sam and Freddie and feel...?

That kiss tells me we can.

I was worried about fighting with you, because, I like these new facets of you I'm seeing and the new way you seem to be looking at me. But for so long fighting's been more or less what we do I worried when it came up again all this new stuff would disappear, and I do not want that to happen.

I think you were worried about that too, it's why the deeper you dug into your position, the more tightly you held my hand.

I guess it was inevitable the fight would be over something stupid. We had to have kind of a practice round to see if we're still going to do this, and if so, how. Gotta admit it was a little easier than I thought it would be because when I kissed you all sources of friction went out of my head.

Well...not all sources of friction...

I don't know why I was frightened. I look at the beautiful eyes of the girl I once thought was a curse and I know that whatever it is, this "new chapter in our lives" as Carly called it...its real.

Holding you feels even better than I thought it would...nuzzling against you (god, Benson why do you make me feel like such a fawn?). I wanted to...I wanted to...you know. But, even though I'm sure you'd never do this, some little part of me believes you'd be gone (and probably calling Carly) before I woke up the morning after.

What if it's not real, though? This is all so strange and new. For so long I looked in your eyes and saw heat; now I see...warmth? I'm almost uncomfortable with how comfortable it is.

When I look in your eyes you make me feel...

Weak.

...Sentimental.

And part of the reason is you would never ask me to change. That's what frightens me: You'd never ask but...I almost want to. You're so smart and cute. People wonder what you're doing with such a tough chick.

We both know, the last time I tried to change myself for a boy, it didn't go well. I don't want to do that again. But, if I did, if I could...if I thought it would make you happier with me, I would...I'd try to be – well, I don't know what I could try to be (not softer, I'm not that flimsy) but...I'd try to be what I could try to be.

You're so good. I have a sneaking, little teeny admiration for that...and I also have the desire to really derail you, pull you into doing bad things with me. Instead of letting you pull me into good.

I still can't get over that carton of milk thing. Maybe one day you'll show me how you did that. Or maybe it's cooler not knowing. Because its definitely cool. You're cool. And hot. And I'm so...people look at us and wonder what a girl who's hotter than Emma Stone is doing with Daffy Duck.

God, I'm glad I kissed you.

God, I'm glad you kissed me.

It's funny how most of these doubts stop when we're together. Only when I'm alone in my room, trying to go to sleep and wondering how and if we're meant to make this work, they return. Wondering where you are and what you're doing – even though I know most likely you're at home in bed like I am.

But I'm afraid to text and ask, because you'd think that was nubby. And...what if you weren't at home? We're young, but you had this whole other life that both scares and excites me, in a world that I want to protect you from but also want you to show me around…

Thanks for reading and I'll see you in the next chapter...