Avalon lays back waiting for Sesshomaru. She is sure he intends to confront her. She lets her muscles relax as she closes her eyes
She senses his entry. "Come join me Sesshomaru, the water is nice."
He remains by the wall, refusing to move, grimacing at the growing pain in his shoulder and the feelings swirling through his heart. There are too many emotions for him to understand and it isn't helping seeing the way the steam dapples her skin in sweat. He wants to bury his nose in her neck to avoid the pain growing along his side. It begins at his left shoulder and radiates down his belly, deep into his groin.
Avalon shakes her head. "You wish to yell at me?" She keeps her eyes closed, waiting for him to move or speak.
"Would it help you learn honesty?" His arm is folded defensively over the missing one, claws digging in irritatingly into his shoulder. He grunts as the pain builds. They will need to stay an extra day here for him to recover from this ridiculous injury. 'I would have already, if I hadn't bound her to me.'
"You wish for honesty? I have given you nothing but honesty. Omissions, but I have never lied to you Sesshomaru-sama." She turns to look at him and sees him clutching his arm. "Are you okay?"
His ire flares. "Omissions? Omissions that you willingly give to the hanyou." His knees buckle beneath him as the pain takes him. He lands bent over, leaning against the door. The pain has grown from burning to throbbing, causing his entire chest to cramp and making it difficult to breathe.
Avalon gets out of the water instantaneously and is by his side. Her reiki flows to her limbs, knowing her desire to be by Sesshomaru as quickly as she was able. She leans over him. "I only told him history," she whispers.
"You have no respect. No honor," he struggles to catch his breath, slamming his fist sideways into the wall, annoyed that his body keeps doing this to him. "This Sesshomaru did not ask to be tied to a deceitful onna." He curls into himself, his face falling into his knees, trying to control the pain. It's like the arm is being ripped off again, the muscles severing, the tendons shattering.
"I am sorry for the deceit and the disrespect. I really am not from here. Not from this country, not from this time, perhaps not even from this universe. I am confused about what will and will not help or harm things. I don't want to hurt you," she confesses as she puts pressure on the stump with both her hands and leans all her weight on it. She tilts her head down bearing her neck to him unintentionally with wet hair covering her face from his view.
Against his will his mouth and nose go into her neck. He laps gently at the balmy skin, swallowing, trying to form words. It still flames. He rests his head against her shoulder, still catching his breath.
Avalon leans her head on his. "I want to be better for you." A tear slips from her eye, mixing with the sweat and water. "Tell me what to do?"
"The bath," he says weakly, hoping it will soothe the ache. He uses his free hand to push himself off the wall, fumbling with his obi, but then stopping when the movement causes his shoulder to sting again. He turns his head against the door, hugging himself.
Avalon moves to untie his obi. She takes his sword and sets it aside. She unties his armor. "Uh you need to release your arm for me to get this off you."
He nods, taking a deep breath in and lets his hand fall just as a deep groan of agony emits from his throat. "This is taking too long. He digs claws into the wall, resting his forehead against his wrist.
Avalon pulls the armor over his head, dropping it aside. She unties the hankimono and hanjuban. She pulls them from his body. She unties the hakama and lets them drop to the floor. She pulls off his fundoshi. She gets down on her knees and lifts his one leg to remove his boot then the other. She offers a hand to help him to the water.
He nods accepting that the pain is crippling him and wraps an arm around her shoulder. "Slowly," he whispers, letting her lead him to the bath.
Avalon makes her way to the water slowly and as smoothly as possible, helping him in, then joins him in the bath. "What else can I do to help?"
He leans his left side deeper into the springs, sighing and resting his head on the edge of the bath. His eyes close as he attempts to slow his breathing. He reaches into the water to massage the end again, wincing at the pain it causes him.
Avalon watches helplessly, her heart pounding in her chest. "Sesshomaru, please? Tell me what I can do? Do you want me to put pressure on it? Or what? Just please let me help you."
His eyes slit. Her cheeks are red with worry, there are tears in her eyes. He touches the speckles on her cheeks. "Pressure." He puts his hand under his face to cushion his cheekbone.
Avalon moves to be at a better angle and pushes on the stump. She fuses reiki in her arm muscles so she is stronger. "Is this helping?"
"This Sesshomaru is humiliated," he whispers quietly.
"Don't feel that way. Everyone needs help and I'm your mate. You don't need to hide from me. I'm not here to judge you on this." She leans her head on his shoulder.
"Leaning on me is not helping," he pushes her back. "You are a difficult mate." His eyes close again, trying to focus on not falling into another fever. "If you would just let me kill the hanyou, this wouldn't have happened."
"Well you aren't prince charming yourself and I'm sorry, but the hanyou needs to live." She keeps the pressure on his stump.
"I should have killed him when he was a child." He leans his head into her chest, reaching around her stomach to pull her closer, so he can smell her neck. "Are you worth this pain?"
"I hope so. Why didn't you kill him when he was a child?"
"There is no honor in killing children." He lifts his mouth up to her neck, lightly clamping down to taste her skin while his body starts to shiver. "It should not hurt like this."
"I'm sorry, I wish I could do more." She forces more reiki into the muscles of her right arm to hold the limb tighter while her left hand runs through his hair, trying to soothe him.
"It's enough," he mutters into her neck, inhaling deeply through his nose. Her scent calms, but his lip trembles against her skin. "From the future," he scoffs. "Did you know this Sesshomaru can experience pain? Was it like this? Did I lose my arm then?"
Avalon inhales deeply and exhales. "Yes you lost your left arm but you recovered in a few days. You were not suffering like this. I'm sorry."
He raises his hand up to palm her heart. "Because I did not have you...the future you know is gone. I gave you what would have healed myself."
Avalon's tears fall down her face. "I know. I'm not supposed to be here and it screws everything up. I'm so sorry I attacked you."
Just then Avalon notices a strong demonic aura that is unfamiliar approaching them. She holds tightly to him. A barrier forms around them on instinct. Just then a very familiar looking Inu-youkai walks in holding a vial. She has long white hair in two pigtails, bangs and some loose stands. She wears a purple and white kimono with butterflies and has a crescent moon on her brow and a strip on each cheek.
"Gobodo-sama?" Avalon asks, surprised.
"You can drop the barrier now," she says haughtily.
"Oh. gomen." Avalon drops the barrier.
"You seem distressed my son."
He grunts attempting to raise his head. "What...are...you...doing here...mother?" His head lolls against Avalon's shoulders.
"You think a mother would not notice her son in pain? You wound me and here I came bearing gifts." She feigns hurt.
"Get out," his yoki rises in anger. He ignores how it makes his missing arm hurt worse than it already does.
His mother grabs his chin roughly as she pours the content of the vail down his throat. "Hmm, you should be fine now." She turns, walking away leaving Avalon and Sesshomaru alone. She waves backwards. "Continue on." She walks to the door, slides it open, stepping out and closes it behind her.
Sesshomaru chokes on the liquid, swallowing it, but already beginning to feel it's effects on his pain. "I hate her." He kisses Avalon's neck again and then pulls himself off her body.
"Did it help?" Avalon looks at him concerned.
He leans back against the tub, nodding. "It's a medicine for pain, specifically for my kind. I do not require medicine," he says stubbornly, utterly defeated, now that his mother has seen him in this state. 'Who else has seen these bouts of pain?' he thinks.
"You are right she is a meddling woman," Avalon says to appease him, but she is happy he seems much better.
His lips upturn slightly. "You are lying. You are glad she humiliated this Sesshomaru."
"You are right." Avalon shrugs with a small smile on her face. "I'm glad she helped you but I wish you didn't feel humiliation because of it. I should find out what is in it, so I can use it to help you in the future, if it is ever needed."
He stares at the ceiling and shakes his head. "We cannot leave as quickly as I would have preferred. I need to rest here. You will sleep where you please."
"What do you mean? You don't want me by you?"
"I said you will sleep where it pleases you."
"So I can be with you." Avalon smiles relieved that he wasn't pissed at her.
He slides the stump back into the water sighing in relief. "Do not think you have earned forgiveness." His eyes shutter again, resting.
"I'm trying here, I really am. I know how things are supposed to go but I don't want to tell everything and then mess something up and then something happens that can't be fixed." She moves to be in front of him placing a hand on his right shoulder. "I wouldn't know what to do if something were to happen to you. I'm sorry. It's very confusing and I'm just trying the best I can." She looks at him beseechingly.
His lids lazily open his eyes look in hers. His palm comes up her shoulder. "You have feelings about this Sesshomaru?"
"Of course I do." She smiles at him. 'Such an idiot.' "I care a great deal about you."
He sits grimacing again, the pain has reduced to a dull ache from his shoulder down into his abdomen. "You cannot control the flow of time Avalon," he picks up a bar of soap and tosses it in the water, creating new ripples. "Something new, changes the path of time. It is good you care for this Sesshomaru."
"I know every new variable changes things. I just hoped to minimize my effect while still staying alive. You may annoy me at times Sesshomaru, but you bring me comfort. Your aura, as odd as it sounds soothes me. Well...not when you're angry." She grins at him playfully.
He gazes at her cockily, cupping her chin and pulling her mouth down to his, long enough to taste the steam on her lips before pulling back. He takes her hand setting it on his left shoulder and says no more.
Avalon nods her head and lets her body rest against his. Her head is on his right shoulder while embracing him.
He traces circles on her bare back with the tip of his middle finger. "Why did you lie to this Sesshomaru?"
"You mean why didn't I just say I was from the future? I feared you would have never believed me. You hardly trusted my words to begin with. I can only imagine what a confession of, 'I'm from the future' would have brought upon my neck. You seemed quite fond of crushing it."
"You seemed quite fond of attempting to control me. What did you think would happen if you attempted to manipulate time?" He inhales the top of her hair. "By saying nothing, it was you who suffered for it."
"I wanted you to get Bakusaiga as soon as possible. It is the key to being able to defeat Naraku. I would rather suffer than ever give him an edge. He may have controlled my body but he never controlled my mind," she says bitterly. "His ears can be anywhere. I couldn't risk just giving everything away to you and him hearing it. And for that I am sorry. I never really wanted to control you, Sesshomaru. Not like you thought," her voice softens.
"He controlled enough for you to attack this Sesshomaru when he was already injured."
"Yes and I can never express how sorry I am for attacking you, but do you know how many times he tried to get me to tell him more? He knew I knew more than I let on and his abuse would escalate when I would not give him what he wished. He tried to break me mentally but I wouldn't, because it would harm you and others if I did. I had hoped you would have defeated me easily. I had accepted the fact you were likely to kill me and I was okay with it."
"You only gained the upper hand because I am missing one." He sits up and takes a cloth off the side of the bath handing it to her. "We will find and destroy him."
"Do you mean to say I could still defeat you now." Her eyes spark with mischief and her question is playful as she takes the cloth in her hand.
"Do you not know what to do with a washcloth?" He palms his own forehead. "This will be like training a child. You would not have gained the upper hand had I not been injured."
Avalon sloshes the cloth in the water grabbing the soap and starting to rub his chest. "I know what to do with a washcloth. And do you not know how to play? I know I can't take you now." She rolls her eyes as she continues to wash his body. "I am stubborn but I'm also playful with my words. Please try not to take everything so seriously, especially when I say something so obviously errored." She shrugs her shoulders. "I'm not an idiot Sesshomaru."
"A bird that never stops chirping," he says flatly, turning so she can wash his back.
"Chirp, chrip, chrip," she says softly. "If you say so."
He groans, resting his forehead in his bicep, facing away from Avalon.
Avalon continues washing him in silence. The cloth moves down his back and around him, rubbing his abs and his manhood, paying particular attention to it. She finds herself becoming aroused by washing his body.
He shifts, moving her hand off his shaft, still annoyed with her and unsure of his choice to bond her. Concessions and compromises have to be made. "Is this what you wanted Avalon? To be bound to a youkai?"
Avalon huffs. "I never had any intentions of such a thing. If that were my goal, wouldn't I have just stayed with Naraku," she says bitterly. "I didn't even know such a thing was possible." She continues washing, moving on to his butt and then his legs.
"I had planned on someone like me," he says flatly standing up to make cleaning easier for her, while staring at his reflection in a mirror across the room. 'Flawless perfection?' he thinks to himself. 'With one arm…' he rubs it again, willing it to grow back.
"Well sorry to disappoint," Avalon says bitterly. "Please lift your leg Sesshomaru-sama," she adds the sama, like it's an insult.
He lifts his left leg, glancing down at her pouting. "You are childish."
Avalon scrubs his left foot not answering him. Finishing with the foot she says, "Other leg please."
He raises the other. "Should I do less than my father did and leave no pureblooded heir behind?"
Avalon scrubs the right foot. "Why do you need a pureblooded heir anyway? You were brought about because your mother was in heat. So did your father have you because of that or because he wanted an heir?"
"Both. It is not our custom to not leave at least one behind." He sits back down pointing at his hair for her to wash.
Avalon grabs his hair, getting it wet. "What do you want me to wash it with? Where I come from we have shampoo but here you don't."
"Champoo?" he tries to repeat the word. He comes to a sudden realization, "this is not your mother tongue."
"Nope it's not." she rolls her eyes. "My mother tongue is English. You knew my accent was imperfect. I remember a very choking moment where you told me so."
He smirks, caressing her neck with the back of his hand, then pulling on her upper arm to get her into his lap."Sesshomaru!" she says surprised with him pulling her into his lap. She isn't sure she is okay with it and stands to get off his lap.
His eyebrows knit together cautiously as he takes her wrist again and tugs gently this time. "Sit with me."
She slowly lowers herself into the water, sitting beside him.
He wraps his arm around her waist and lifts her back into his lap. "Inu-youkai enjoy having their mates close," he says reassuringly. "I am not aroused right now. You need not fear me."
Avalon purses her lips. "Please don't just grab me suddenly like that. It makes me very uncomfortable," she says ashamed.
He slides down in the water, staring at the ceiling instead of at Avalon. "For now, I will comply. In time, you will accept my nature. We are sensual and sometimes aggressive, possessive with our mates."
"I'm sorry. I really am not trying to change you, it's just it reminds me of how I was treated before. I know you won't force me, like he did but he would…" Avalon trails off with tears pricking at her eyes. "I'm sorry," she says quietly.
He curls his fingers around her chin, wiping the tears with his thumb. "You agreed to submit and share your pain with this Sesshomaru. Does it help to speak about it? I know your strength. You bear no shame from what was done to you."
"I don't know if talking about it would help," she says sadly as her face contorts with pain.
"Then find comfort against me. Rest." He leans back in the water, sighing at the heat. "I enjoy baths. Tell me about your land, this time you came from, how you came here." He tickles her side, his claws dancing up her skin, making her laugh. He dips his nose into her neck, and licks the skin beneath her ear as if he is apologizing. "Rest and share your life with me." He pats his chest for her to rest against.
Avalon nods her head and rests her head against his chest, "Alright, well where I'm from there are no youkai which makes things confusing. I don't know if they don't exist or if they are hidden."
He takes in what she is saying, wondering what happened to his kind. He combs her wet hair with his claws again, taking out the tangles. "Continue."
Avalon shiveres at the contact. It was rather stimulating for her. "We have been to the moon. We fly through the sky in giant vehicles called planes. We can communicate with someone on the other side of the world instantaneously. We have advanced medicine and science. My life wasn't so grand. I was a freelance translator. You asked before how I got here, I didn't lie then and I'm not lying now, it was a portal and I don't know who or how it was created."
His mind is swimming, the moon, humans flying, communicating with other people, but translator, that word was also new. "Portal?" For reasons beyond him it makes him hold her tighter. "You don't wish to create another one and return? You have endured too much pain here."
"I don't know how to. Plus I feel like I should be here. Even with everything I've been through I just feel like there must be a reason for me being here. It probably sounds stupid," she says sadly but enjoying the way he is holding her tightly. "I really like being with you Sesshomaru. I don't want to leave you." A blush blooms over her cheeks.
His chest suddenly warms with an emotion he is not familiar with at her admission and the change of color in her cheeks. He nudges her face up to his with his nose and captures her lips, luxuriating in the kiss. "If you want to return. I will find a way. Perhaps this has all been for a purpose." He touches her red cheek. "You have feelings for this Sesshomaru. Why?"
"I…you...I mean...well...you saved my life for one. You have shown me kindness and I feel happy when I'm with you. I don't know." She shrugs, uncomfortable explaining why she had feelings for him. She just did.
He kisses the top of her head. "More. What is this language called?"
"It's called English." She smiles at him, happy for the change in subject
"Engolish?" he awkwardly forms the name of the language. He sits up, so he can see her face. "Say something in Eeengolish."
"Hello, my name is Avalon." she says in English.
"What does it mean?" His cheeks twitch, inching into a smile. 'I only smile in battle.'
"I said hello and introduced myself." she says.
"Teach me." He licks his lips as he stares at hers. They were so full and enticing. He leans closer, pressing his mouth against hers. "Again."
Avalon says, "Hello," in english then says, "Kon'nichiwa."
"Hellow," he repeats the word slowly.
"My name is," she says in english then says, "Watashinonamaeha."
"My nem ees Sesshomaru," he says proudly.
Avalon smiles at him. "Not bad." She brushes her lips against his.
He deepens the kiss, pulling her body more tightly against his, and then breaks it when he feels himself starting to twitch below. "I want to know more about the moon and humans flying, and how you talk to someone on the other side of the world," he stops. "How big is the world?" 'Can the world be my kingdom?'
"Well the moon is smaller than the planet and spins around it. The earth orbits the sun. Humans fly in a metal tube with wings." She laughs at the funny description. "I think it would be better if I drew what it looks like. We can communicate in many ways. We have things called, 'computers, cell phones, and tablets,'" she uses the english words for the devices. "The world is really, really big. I don't know the exact dimensions but I know compared to Japan it's immeasurable. There are 7 continents."
He tries to imagine how big the world is, but is extremely distracted by the beauty in his lap. He finally allows himself a small smirk and tickles her behind her left ear. "Say what this is in Engolish."
"It's called an ear," she says pushing his hand away from it giggling.
"Elo," he tries to copy the word. He tickles it again, making his claws dance around the lobe and her neck.
Avalon lifts her shoulder and pushes her head down to protect her ear and neck from him tickling her, "No it sounds like ir."
"Eeealo," he groans frustrated and moves on to pinching her nose, shaking it lightly between his ring and index finger. "What's this?"
"Nose," she sounds it out slowly for him, "n..oo..s."
"Noss," he licks his lip again and then kisses her cheek raising an eyebrow. "This." His lips linger on her cheek.
"Cheek." She sounds it out, "Chi..k"
"Cheeeeek." He threads his fingers through her hair, slides his tongue over her lips, then kisses her passionately. He pulls back only far enough to whisper, "these?" then takes her lips again.
Avalon runs her fingers over her lips. "These are 'lips'." She leans in and kisses him. "What we did is 'kiss'." Her cheeks dust a slight pink
"Lips," he says easily, "kisss," he leans back again then touches his chest over his heart. "It's warm." He closes his eyes examining the feeling, trying to dissect it. "I am fond of you."
"I am fond of you too Sesshomaru. I enjoy being with you. And when we aren't fighting I am very happy being with you. You make me feel safe and warm," Avalon says with a smile
"We would not fight if you did not omit. We are different," he says ruefully. "Is this okay? You aren't scared?" He runs his fingers up and down her back.
"We fight because we are different and have different values but I still worry about telling you everything I know about the future especially since I don't know if it will change anything. How can I be sure...like, I know you will fight people in the future and you will win but if I tell you how it happens, what happens if you expect that and somehow I'm wrong and then something happens to you? It feels good."
"You must forget what you think you know and let things happen as they do." He rests his head against hers beginning to relax more. "No more omissions."
"I can't forget what I think I know when I see things playing out as I see them. Do you know what deja vu is?"
"Dayja voo? This is Engolish?"
"Actually I think the word is French. But it means that you see something happening that you are sure you have already seen before. Or you are doing something but you swear you already did it."
"I know this feeling."
"Well it's kind of like that for me. I see things playing out and then a thought crosses my mind of what will happen next. I guess I remember everything but it's not always accessible but sometimes something happens or a question is asked and then the memory pops into my mind. I don't want to omit anything from you any longer but I can't just tell you everything I remember. Ahhh, am I making any sense here?" she asks frustrated.
He shrugs his shoulders, not really understanding what she is saying. "No more omissions," he admonishes her again.
Avalon fixes her eyes to his. "I will try not to omit anything anymore. I will be honest and not hide anything from you and as thoughts come up about what I remember I will tell you."
"It is acceptable. The child," he asks her quietly cupping water to run down her back. "The orphan, the one who will help me obtain Bakusaiga. Who is she?"
"Ah, her name is Rin. She is an orphan. Her family was murdered by bandits. I'm not sure how to find her since the way you find her originally probably won't happen. We will have to search for her. She is important to you, she really is. If we are unable to find her on our own we can follow Kagome and your a…. Anyway we can follow them to find a wolf demon, named Koga. His pack will kill her and you would have used Tenseiga to bring her back to life."
"You would let the child die?"
Avalon looks at him with hurt in her eyes. "I don't want anything to happen to her! I just don't know how else to find her."
"We will hunt Naraku." He hugs her tightly, again feeling more emotions than he can process and a growing arousal he wants satiated. "How do I manifest the sword?"
Avalon thins her lips, trying to think of the best way to convey it to him. "I know it is a moment of desperation-"
"This Sesshomaru is never desperate," he says, offended.
"No? What about when I ran my sword through you? There will be an opponent that is not mortal. He cannot be defeated in a normal way but you will try and he will come closer than I to taking your life."
"For now," he says pensively, "do not tell me about this opponent until the time is closer. You have already made a big enough mess with time. If this Sesshomaru were to become 'desperate'," he wants to spit at the word, "is that all?"
"No." She places her hand on his heart. "You have to love, have compassion, feel rage and sorrow for someone other than yourself and know the value of life. All life. Youkai and ningen, even hanyou."
"I hate humans," he falls back against the bath losing his arousal. "They stink, they ravage, they are honorless. Hanyous...abominations."
"Do you hate me?" Avalon says with hurt in her voice.
"I am fond of you," he says quietly, pulling her face up to his. "Even before. You make this Sesshomaru feel," he pauses again. "Proud, even when the pain comes and I can't stand. I am less embarrassed with you."
"Why? What is different about me? I mean, you were fond of me before the bonding. What about me affected you? Why didn't you hate me?"
"You're strong. You fought back when the samurai took you. You are not like most ningen women."
"I killed him while I was tied up," she says playfully.
"Very resourceful." He runs his hand along her stomach, feeling her muscles. "You are strong."
"Will you hate our children if I conceive?" she asks sadly.
"You can't conceive," he says blandly.
"I don't know if I can or not." she says lowering her eyes. "It's possible that I could."
He growls, lowering himself in the water and gazes off at the wall. "I do not want an abomination as offspring."
"Can hanyous have children?" Avalon asks curiously, trying to hide the hurt she feels. 'He would think our children are abominations.'
"I assume so," he pauses, "they are usually killed before maturity."
"Why?" she gasps shocked that children would be killed
"Why allow something with tainted blood to live?"
"But they are living beings. They have every right to live. If I conceive, will you try to make me miscarry?" she asks with tears in her eyes feeling a growing pain in her heart. "Will our children be killed? Will you be the one to do it?" The agonizing pain grips her heart. 'Could he really be that cold to kill his own children? Will I have to fight him to protect them?'
He grabs her wrist forcefully. "I will not harm you or allow others to. Why must I answer these questions now? This is not what I wanted, to be bound to a human, to bed a human, to feel for a human. You cannot give this Sesshomaru time to adapt?" His voice raises in anger with each word. 'What does she expect from me?'
"I'm sorry. I just...I'm sorry," she says, trying to take her wrist back fearful and crying.
"You said you could not have children," he says accusingly. He's taken by a sudden wave of fury and jealousy, He hauls her up by the wrist, pulling her to stand. "Do not move." He sniffs her neck, down her chest, across her stomach and stops at her opening, inhaling deeply through his nose the tip brushing against her slit. "You are not pregnant with his child?"
"No, I don't think so. When did I ever say I could not have children?" she says, still crying in his grasp. Fear, hurt, and anger course through her.
He brings her closer, holding the small of her back and breathes in the scent of her opening again. "I would be able to scent it by now." He lays an apologetic kiss on her lower lips, then caresses one lip with his thumb raising an eyebrow. "You removed the hair?"
"I did, I thought you might like it." she says still angry by the way he was treating her and still hurting from his previous words.
"You are angry with me," he says, more easily able to smell it from where he kneels. He rests his crescent moon against her belly and says, "I heard you tell Hikari, you cannot have children. Is it because of the violations? Did they damage you?"
"You were spying on me?" she whispers.
He nods. "To watch you and the girl. I was fascinated with you. Did they damage you?" he asks again, holding his hand over her stomach.
"Not in that way, I have a condition called, endometriosis. It makes conception very hard. Sometimes impossible but not always. I could potentially conceive. It's slim but there is a chance," she confesses. "I told Hikari I didn't think I could, not that I can't," she says quietly.
"Perhaps my yoki will heal this condition." He sits back against the tub, holding her wrist. "Rest against me."
Avalon sits in the tub and rests her head against his chest. "I just need to know if you will be the enemy. I'm not asking you to love them...just not want to kill them," she sobs against his chest.
He shakes his head. "I make no such promises, but I will not allow harm to come to you. I need time, Avalon. You are not fertile now. You will not conceive from what happened this morning."
"You will warn me if I am and we will abstain during that time," Avalon says firmly to him.
He nods again. "We will abstain. How was Naraku unable to impregnate you? If you are so worried now, why were you not worried then?"
"I was worried a little about it but I have a device in my arm right here," she points to a spot under her arm. "It prevents pregnancy on top of my condition but it only works for so long. In another two years it will be ineffective. Plus I don't know how yoki will affect it."
"Why take such a device if you did not engage in physical relations before? Were you fearful of being violated again? Even in your time?"
"Yes and no. I took precautions to keep myself safe but the fear always lingers in the back of your mind. The device wasn't for that though. Endometriosis is painful and the device helps to stop the progress so it helps stop the pain. It's hard to understand unless you are very familiar with the condition."
"Do you hurt now? Did you hurt before and not tell me?"
"I'm not hurting now but I have hurt in the past but why would I tell you? It wouldn't have helped either of us."
He shakes his head and holds her hand against his chest. "Before, when I wanted you for pleasure. You would not tell until you were pressed that you had pain here," he cups her womanhood gently and un-sensuously. "I...you did not need to walk for days with that pain."
Avalon shrugs. "I was embarrassed and didn't want to complain. I didn't want to show weakness."
"You know nothing of this Sesshomaru. I should ask before I touch you." He removes his hand. "I did not see you as weak, but those injuries. I would have found a healer, or cleaned them myself."
"Yeah you should ask, you messed me up when you just licked me down there without my consent," she says softly while looking away from him.
"Forgive me. I did not understand." His hand dips into the water cupping her again tenderly. "Now? Do you fear my touch?"
"Not when you are being gentle with me and I'm not opposed to some roughness during intercourse but when you just grab me and pull me around it frightens me."
"Will you give me time then?" His hand retreats again. "To know you better? To become comfortable siring a hanyou?"
"I will give you time, just don't get me pregnant any time soon." She smiles gently at him looking in his eyes. "Because once I am, I will expect you to be comfortable with it."
He groans not liking the idea of having a hanyou for a child. "You ask too much."
"You have time," she says softly. "I'm not ready to have a child yet either."
He shakes his head at the mess he's made and the confusion running through his veins. "The child, the orphan," he's desperate for a change of subject. "Will she be like you? Like Hikari? Violated?"
"No, she just witnesses her family slaughtered by thieves," Avalon says sadly
"Why must I collect wounded souls?" He sinks lower in the water, wanting to drown himself.
"Because healing that soul helps you connect to your compassion," Avalon says, brushing her lips against his under the water.
He rises up slightly returning the kiss. "Feel compassion, father that which I hate, bond what this Sesshomaru didn't want. This is not who I am."
"And who are you Sesshomaru?" Avalon asks looking into his eyes
"Warrior, I care for no one, therefore I have no weakness. There is no strength in compassion. Only death."
Avalon shakes her head sadly. "A warrior can have compassion and caring for someone can be a weakness but also give you strength you never knew you had. I can't convince you of this but time might."
"You ask too much of this Sesshomaru," he says ruefully.
"If you say so," Avalon says, runs her hand up along his chest and then down again to his abs before kissing him on the neck and then trailing a path with her mouth to his lips.
He returns the kiss, growing more aroused by the way their bodies slide against each other. "I will compromise," he speaks between savoring her lips. "Give this Sesshomaru time to accept fathering a hanyou with you and in return, you will consider allowing me to take another of my own kind to give me a pureblooded child."
"I will consider it, but you have time. You just have to warn me of my fertility. Even with a device, it's not full proof."
He nods and considers what she has been telling him and her knowledge of the future. "Am I so different that I would father a hanyou in this future of yours?"
"You are. You love the little girl. You don't hate your half brother and you get along with humans," she confesses looking into his eyes.
"And you expect this of me now?" He moves away from her lips, trying to ignore his growing erection.
Avalon shakes her head. "No, I can't, that isn't who you are. That's why I'm fine with giving you time."
He sits up again, instead of shirking in the water. "Enough," he mutters feeling a twinge of pain in his stump. "We are not what the other expected. But you have already seen this Sesshomaru in pain, whining like a dog, without making me feel less than what I am. For that, I am grateful."
Avalon smiles. "I won't tell anyone and I'm glad. You shouldn't feel any less, because of this." She kisses his left shoulder.
He tilts his lips into her neck and whispers, "your scent, makes it easier to bear." He glowers at his missing arm, wondering why she would have affections for someone so physically flawed. "Does this come back?" he asks, pointing at the stump.
"Would it bother you if it doesn't?" she asks looking into his eyes.
"It would be inconvenient. I will adapt. Did it grow back?"
"It does when you manifest Bakusaiga. However, not having your left arm doesn't seem to hinder you that much," she says kissing the below his left shoulder on his bicep.
He groans at the contact against the already sensitive skin. Somehow it's erotic and burns at the same time. "Mmh," he stares down at her with soft eyes. "You will help this Sesshomaru. That feels good."
"Hmm?" she kisses the stump again but then slides her tongue out and licks his arm up to his shoulder.
He winces when her tongue touches the base where his skin is still the most tender, but gasps as her tongue slides up to his shoulder.
"I'm sorry," she whispers and kisses above the area that hurt.
He nods, unsure if he wants her to continue to explore the stump. It was both pleasurable and painful. "The water helps," he whispers, eyes locked on Avalon's.
Avalon nods cupping water and letting it trickle down his bicep and kissing the trail it leaves but stopping short or where it hurt him. Her fingers move gingerly along the stump continuing to avoid the lowest part.
"So you can be quiet," he mutters as she works on his stump.
"When I want to," she says playfully while her lips brush along his shoulder and into his neck sucking on his skin.
He relaxes against her body and the motions of her mouth against his skin, "I am used to solitude and silence. You chatter like a bird."
"I can be quiet too if you need but I don't respond well to being physically silenced. I'm sorry," she says softly against his neck licking and sucking on the skin.
He chuckles leaning against her mouth. "Birds are quieter than you."
Avalon backs off to level a playful glare at him, turning away and not saying anything.
"We will remain until the pain subsides," he says and then tickles her stomach, pinning her against the wall of the tub. 'Let's see how quiet you can be chatty Onaga.' He laughs internally at the name. She chatters as much as a magpie.
Avalon grits her teeth, holding back laughter. She nods her head acknowledging what he said as mischief dances in her eyes.
He raises an eyebrow, flicking his tongue across his fangs, then digs them into her neck, clamping down, while sliding his hand under her knee, tickling just below her thigh.
Avalon wiggles in his grasp and she reaches back to tickle his abs still holding her laugh back.
He isn't ticklish, but he isn't going to tell her that. He decides to heighten the game, by ducking under the water and nipping at her stomach. He clamps down on the tilt of her ribs, then the center of her belly and beneath her navel, his fangs leaving imprints as he goes.
Avalon eyes sparkle and bulge as she holds back the laugh threatening to break through.
He slides his hand up her thigh, while digging into her hip, tingling her skin with his claws, wondering when she will stop him.
Avalon wonders how to get him to stop. He is driving her insane. The little nips make her want to laugh but she is trying so hard to prove she can be quiet. She tries tickling his neck.
Instead of going further down he nips his way back up heading for her chest while his fingers come dangerously close to her heat. He tickles the inside of her groin, while taking a breath of air and nibbling on her ribs again.
Avalon's thighs slam together around his hand trying to stop him. She flushes with excitement and embarrassment.
His head pops out of the water feeling his claw dig into her skin from the force of her legs closing. "Stand up, sit on the ledge."
Avalon breath calms down and she does as he asks wondering why.
"Open." He tugs on her knee.
"Why?" she finally asks.
He holds up his right hand. "They're very sharp. I felt your skin break. Open. Let this Sesshomaru check."
Avalon nods her head and opens her legs from him and quickly closes them again. "Warn me before you do anything," she says again, opening them for him to see.
He sets his hand on her hip, next to her stomach and pulls the skin back, revealing two deep gashes in her groin. "Forgive me. Does it hurt?"
"It was an accident, nothing to forgive. It stings a little. How bad is it?" she asks, bending awkwardly trying to see for herself.
"They went straight in," he says tenderly. "They are deep, not wide." He moves closer between her legs. "Let me care for the sting."
"You're going to lick me aren't you?" she asks.
He nods. "My yoki is already healing it, but it will care for the lingering pain and close the skin faster. Have you not been tasted before?"
Avalon face falls. "You were the first and he…" she swallows the sudden grief. "He was determined to make me beg," she says looking away.
He nods, turning her face back to his. "You will not beg. You are not my pet but the mate of this Sesshomaru. Will you allow me to clean it?"
Avalon nods closing her eyes before slowly opening them back up.
"I will only clean the cuts." He moves forward, widening her left leg to expose the leaking gashes. His mouth covers them as he swirls his tongue into the cuts. He holds her leg from behind the knee, slowly running his hand up and down her thigh.
Avalon gasps at the way he is being so gentle with her. It feels delightful. She starts becoming wet with desire.
He stops when he feels the skin beginning to close and then grabs her under the arm, splashing them both into the water, and tickles under her arm, while trying to keep her head above the water.
Avalon laughs out while struggling to get away from him.
He holds her in place for a few minutes before he loses his grip, compliments of only having one arm to try to hold and tickle with. He lets her go and catches her around the stomach, landing on his bottom deeper in the water. He turns her around and gingerly kisses her lips, massaging her scalp with his hand, then he pulls back. "Ea...rs," he caresses her left earlobe. "Noss," he nibbles on the tip of her nose. "Leeps." His thumb skids along her bottom lip. "Kiss?" He cocks an eyebrow in invitation.
Avalon leans towards him and whispers, "Kiss," before crashing her lips into his. Her hands move along his abs and then they go lower grasping his member. She was still aroused from earlier. She strokes him under the water.
He grunts at the contact, enjoying the way the hot water and her hand slide along his skin. He hitches her hips closer to his and slides his hand up her side, jiggling her breasts with his finger. "And these?"
Avalon smiles while her hand keeps up the motion on his cock. "Breasts," she says seductively.
"Buroreastsss. Strange language." He grabs her face and smashes his lips into hers, while pumping his hips into her hands. "You want this?" He breathes into her neck. "You crave intimacy?"
"I do," she says softly. She focuses on her body's desires and the way he makes her feel. She takes her hand off his erection and moves her center to drag along his hard erection feeling the way the water helps everything slide.
"So brave," he mutters into her neck, rocking with her, enjoying the smooth texture of her skin. He had a craving for something else this time. "Lay back," Sesshomaru commands her.
Avalon nods leaning back and laying with her head just above the water. "I still need to see your face and eyes," she whispers nervously. "When we...you know...um...when you're inside me," she adds.
He leans over lovingly, taken by a wave of compassion and possession. He kisses her mouth slowly and gently. "You will see my face. Let me taste you, Avalon. This Sesshomaru will taste you."
"Okay," her cheeks flush red. "Gosh I'm acting like a virgin," she says embarrassed.
Sesshomaru ducks under the water, kissing between her breasts and makes his way down, till he is at her center. He slides his tongue along her now bare skin enjoying the odd, smooth, sensation. He licks a couple of times familiarizing himself with the way his tongue slides so easily against her skin. His tongue dips into her folds, lapping at her center. He comes back up to take a breath. He looks at her eyes trying to see if she was still okay. He could smell no fear and Avalon's eyes seem to only be gazing curiously at him. He takes another breath going back down to lap at her center. He offers her his striped hand in place of his eyes and face as he sucks harder on her bud. 'Trust me.'
Avalon spreads her legs further for him. She grabs his hand, lowering their joined hands below the water. She is enjoying the newness, the freshness. No one was pressuring her, no one was forcing her. She wasn't being told to beg. She relaxes into the feel of his tongue plunging into her core. She could feel the tightening in her abdomen. The warmth floods her core. Avalon's breath starts to hitch and her hips buck under Sesshomaru's skilled mouth.
Sesshomaru comes back up for another breath of air, taking in her eyes for the brief moment he surfaces. There is something emboldening about the way she trusts him. He ducks under again attacking her core and clit with his tongue and lips. He slides his shoulders under her legs, widening her for him, until she is stretched and taught, giving him better access to her clit and core.
Avalon can feel herself nearing her bliss as the dam bursts, her hips rock uncontrollably into his mouth and then her body goes slack as she relaxes letting the ecstasy wash over her.
Sesshomaru tastes the sweet juices she releases. It is maddening to him. His cock is throbbing, begging to penetrate her. He surfaces, sliding up her body until he is pressed against her lower lips. "Avalon?" he gently calls. "Are you ready?"
Avalon's eyes slowly open to look at him. "Hmm?"
He brings himself up and positions his cock at her entrance and brushes it against her opening. He doesn't want to ask but he doesn't want to scare her. He is painfully hard.
Avalon nods her head, knowing what he is asking but not wanting to voice aloud.
He pushes into her slowly. Avalon's core constricts around his cock. The moment she has him, he gasps, his mouth falling open and warmth blooming in his chest. He lowers his nose into her neck again and slowly begins thrusting into her. "Avalon," he moans her name again, unable to fathom how she can make him feel like this. In the past it would take many women, sometimes four or five and somehow this human was giving him exactly what he needed. 'How do you do this to me?'
Avalon wraps her legs around him pulling his cock and body closer to her. Her hands weave into his hair as her head dips to reach his lips. "I need to see you," she pants out.
"Shh," he coos into her neck, lifting himself back up and laces her lips with his own. "It's me." He takes her hand and slides it between their two bodies. "Touch yourself."
Avalon slides her finger along her clit looking at Sesshomaru. She pants with desire, her walls contract and her hips buck each time she strokes herself.
The combination of the contractions and the smooth texture of each thrust, intensifies the pleasure and he gasps, so shocked that she feels like she was made for him. Her walls fit and heat him, he struggles to keep from burying his nose in her neck again. He comes within five quick thrusts, filling her, clinging to her hips, holding her on his cock. After a few moments he lets Avalon's hip go and she slumps back in the water with a pleased smile on her face.
"Are you okay?" Sesshomaru asks her.
Avalon nods. "Yeah I'm good." She was so happy to not have panicked. 'Maybe I can have a normal sex life.'
"Very good." He kisses her once more and sits down, pulling her into his chest, still breathing heavily. "Did it hurt this time?"
"No," she smiles gazing up at him. "It didn't hurt at all."
"You are mine," he says again thoughtfully, beginning to feel tired and latent stabs of pain in the stump. "Hmm," he rolls it, trying to shake the pain. "Mother will care for Hikari until Naraku is destroyed. She will be safe here, lonely, but safe. There are no humans here."
"Why do you do that?" Avalon asks with hurt in her voice.
"Do what?"
"Say that I am yours?" she asks.
"Because you are. It is not an insult. I have told you this before. It is an honor."
"I am not against being at your side but I'm not a thing, I'm a person."
"I did not call you a 'thing'." He sits up so he can see her face. "You are mine. You are connected to this Sesshomaru. Why do you pick fights when we make love?" He gets out of the water quickly, grabbing a towel. 'Stubborn, obstinate.'
"I'm not wanting to fight Sesshomaru." Avalon sighs, unhappily "You just don't get it."
"You do not 'get it'," he mocks her words and begins trying to dry his hair with one hand and becomes frustrated quickly, throwing it across the room.
"No your right I don't." 'At least I can admit it.'
He moves onto his clothing, despite his hair dripping all over them. He tugs his hakama on and ties them, then throws his inner layer over his stump and slides his other arm in. 'I should not have bonded a human.'
"You want me to dry your hair? I don't mind." Avalon steps out of the water grabbing a towel.
He growls, sitting down, feeling undignified dripping on everything.
Avalon walks over and gently dries his hair. "I'm sorry," she says quietly. "I am honored to be your mate, I feel no shame in that. I just don't get ownership," she continues drying his hair.
"Would you prefer his ownership?" he says coldly. "One that takes you against your will, instead of one that cares for your needs before his own? Is that what you want? Or is that how you see this Sesshomaru?"
Avalon drops the towel shocked at his words. She goes to be in front of him to look him in his eyes. "It's not the same and you know it. I don't think of you like that. Just no one owns anyone where I'm from. I have been taking care of myself since I was seventeen. I never looked to anyone to provide for me. Please? I'm sorry, I need time too," Avalon says pleadingly.
He shakes his head, wondering why his heart aches now. Instead of speaking he buries his forehead in his palm, feeling the pain coming back into his stump. "I will care for you now. Why is this shameful for you?" the words come out through gritted teeth.
"It's not shameful, just against my nature. I was independent before my rape and after it and before my parents died. They always told me I was a strong, independent woman and to be proud of that. Even though I'm sure I drove them crazy at times. It's not shameful to have someone care for you and I'm not ashamed of it," she says sincerely trying to get him to understand.
"You lack pride in it. Come," he shakes his head, both sadly and annoyed with her. "If you wish to sleep in my room, I will show you to it."
"Alright but should I dress before we go?" she asks playfully.
He waves his hand at her. "I'll be outside."
"Okay," she says as her hand slides along his neck and she brings her lips to his.
He pulls away from the kiss. "Get dressed," he bites out as he leaves the room.
Avalon takes a deep breath trying to not be hurt by him pulling away from her. She grabs a towel and wraps up her hair and puts on clean yukata and steps out grabbing her modern clothing and then sees Sesshomaru waiting for her.
He leads her down the hall and then to a room to the left, sliding the door open and then closed behind them. "Those are for you," he says, holding his hand out to the side where ten packages are wrapped in brown paper. He lays down on his futon, picking up a scroll that Jaken had left for him and begins reading.
Avalon's eyebrow raises, completely unsure of what he is trying to do. "What did I do to deserve this?" she asks while sitting indian style, taking one of the packages and opening it.
He flicks his eyes over the scroll and then goes back to reading, still too angry to speak with her.
She finds a piece of cloth and unfurls it, staring at a blue kimono with little white flowers. "A kimono?" She looks over at Sesshomaru and when he doesn't say anything she opens another package finding another kimono. 'What? A kimono for every day?' She opens several more packages and finds more kimonos and stops opening the packages and puts one on. It was a pretty purple one with pink flowers that she was unfamiliar with. She walks over crawling on the futon. "What do you think? It's pretty. Thank you but what kind of flowers are these?" she asks pointing to the flower blossoms she was unfamiliar with.
He glances over the scroll, taking in how it hugs her curves and brings out the shape of her face as he knew it would when he chose it.
"Kinmokusei," he says and then returns to the scroll, unconsciously rocking his left side to ease the growing burn. Tiny flickers of pain shoot up his stump into his jaw and across his chest.
"Why did you get me so many gifts?" she asks curiously.
He shrugs, not wanting to speak more, but the motion makes him wince. He can feel his body heating up again, so he tries to bury himself in the scroll he is reading.
Avalon's lips press together. She had caught the wince of pain. "Should I get another vial for you?"
'Does she think I would ask?' Sesshomaru thinks frustrated, attempting to ignore it, but his body doesn't let him. Small droplets of sweat form on his brow as his eyes stay trained on the scroll.
Avalon sees the drops of sweat breaking out across his brow. She gets up off the futon and she goes to the door muttering "Stubborn," under her breath. She opens it stepping out and closes it behind her. She looks for a servant and when she finds one "Excuse me, can you take me to Sesshomaru's mother?"
The female looks at her haughtily but motions with her hand to follow. Avalon follows behind the female inu-youkai until she is led to a garden where the servant motions with her hand. Avalon looks out and sees her. She walks out slowly and cautiously approaching her. "Excuse me." she says gingerly.
The inu-youkai looks up from her scroll. "Hmm, so you're no longer in the water with my son."
"Uhm...no...the potion you gave him?"
"Yes?" Her lips curl up enjoying the way her new daughter was squirming under her gaze
"I need more," Avalon finally gets out, trying to steady her overly exerted heart.
"You do? Come closer." Gobodo-sama curls her finger beckoning Avalon closer.
Avalon slowly walks towards Gobodo, her heart pounding against her rib cage.
Once Avalon is close enough Gobodo reaches her hand out grabbing her wrist and yanks her down to the ground.
Avalon's heart rate skyrockets.
"Here." Gobodo-sama reaches into her sleeve pulling five vials from her sleeve, setting them in Avalon's hand. "Now go," she says dismissively, releasing Avalon from her grasp.
Avalon nods before dashing back to Sesshomaru's room, her heart still pounding in her chest as she cradles the vials in her hand.
Sesshomaru shakes and shivers in his bed, already taken by another flare of pain. It's beyond his understanding, why it's this bad and why it keeps happening. His mind floats back to when he bonded Avalon. He didn't want her to experience pain as she healed but he didn't know this would be the side effect, that he would be weakened so severely that he couldn't cope with his own pain. His teeth chatter as he curls into a ball, hugging his stump. 'I gave her my strength. I have nothing left.'
His white hanjuban is soaked through and so is his hakama. The world goes in and out of focus as pain swallows him.
Avalon places all the vials down but one. She opens it and lifts his head so she can set the vial on his lip and turns it up so the fluid would run down his throat. "I'm sorry," she whispers.
He coughs and gags on the liquid, spitting most of it out through clenched teeth. He feels like he's being flayed alive, burned from the inside out and his life force sucked from him.
Avalon releases him and grabs another vial rushing back to him. She pulls him into her lap putting pressure on his stump. "Please, you need to drink this," she says and pours a small amount over his gritted teeth. Not knowing the content, she was too scared to place it in her mouth. She waits for the small amount of liquid to flow through his teeth before pouring a little more.
He can hear her voice, the one that is his, smell her near. He tastes the bitter liquid on his lips again and swallows it, only gagging slightly. He can't stop shaking from the pain and the fever. "O…" he licks his dried lips. "Onaga," the name seemed to stick when he said it in the bath. He reaches for her, holding her back so tightly, his claws dig into her kimono.
'Onaga?' Avalon starts humming softly to him as she pours a little more of the liquid into his mouth.
He chokes on the second round of liquid as he tries to swallow it. "G...g...gave it to...you." He trembles.
Avalon shakes her head confused by what he is saying and whispers. "Gave what?" She wraps her arm around him trying to stop his shaking.
He seeks out her neck, luxuriating in her scent. "Yoki...for...p...p...pain." He groans, gripping her more tightly, shredding the back of the kimono and grazing her skin, accidentally in the process. "Nothing...left."
Tears come to her eyes. "You idiot," she says in English, not wanting to upset him further as she leans over, bringing her neck to his nose and wrapping him tighter in her embrace, not even caring that her back was damaged.
"N...n...no pain," he grits out, "enough p...pain...Avalon...enough...no...no more."
"Thank you," she whispers over him, 'But you should have let me die.'
He digs his nose into her neck, trying to calm himself as his temperature rises. "T...t...tired…"
"Sleep, I won't go anywhere," she says lovingly.
"Humiliated," he mutters, releasing her back and then sliding her kimono off her shoulder to find her skin. "S..sk...skin." He shakes his head weakly back and forth. "H...hot."
Avalon pulls his juban and kimono off along with his hakama. She helps him in bed, to be more comfortable, while she slides down next to him. "Sorry," she whispers.
"Onaga." He winds himself around her body. "S...sweet...Onaga...m...mine." His breathing begins to slow as the vial dulls his pain.
"Shh," she soothes letting him rest.
His eyes shutter and his breathing slows as his body relaxes against hers finding sleep. He finds peace in her arms and relief from his pain.
Sesshomaru slowly begins to wake. He can feel bare skin against his cheek, smell Avalon's scent and feels cool air washing over his body. He groans, feeling relief but still a dull ache in his stump. He opens and closes his eyes, sitting up to find himself naked. 'Where are my clothes?' He rubs his eyes, adjusting to the dark, scenting Avalon's blood on his claws. 'What did I do?' He moves closer to her, searching her body for injuries. He rolls her softly to her side and fingers the tattered cloth and then sets her back. "Forgive me."
Avalon wakes when her stomach starts growling and gnawing. She blinks her eyes unable to see. "Sesshomaru?" she asks, when she realizes he isn't laying on her any longer.
He takes her hand and squeezes her palm, then lets go and lights the fire in the corner of the room and the torches. "I hurt you?"
"It's alright. You didn't mean to and it's all my fault anyways," she says guiltily.
"Why?" he wonders what she had done in his euphoria that would make him lash out.
"I took your yoki," she says ashamed. "You should have just let me die."
He reaches into his trunk, putting on fundoshi only, then sits next to Avalon. "The fits will pass, eventually. You did not deserve the death I gave you. I wanted to take your pain."
Avalon shakes her head. "I already lived longer than I should have because you stepped in," she says as tears slip from the side of her eyes.
He lowers his head, drawing her into his shoulder. "Enough tears. Your life has value to this Sesshomaru."
"Why, I'm just a worthless ningen?"
"Is that what he told you?"
"No, it's what you have said."
He lets her go shocked at his own cruelty. "I said this?"
"What? You forget what you say? Do you think your words mean nothing to me? You think just because I have forgiven you for them, they don't still hurt?"
"When did I say it?" he asks, utterly confused. The days were beginning to blur from the fits of fever and pain.
"You called me worthless numerous times more or less when we first met."
"You knew how I felt about humans and followed me. Did you have no self-worth then that you allowed me to treat you like that?"
"What choice did I have? I couldn't go home. I would be treated as a whore if not worse if I was in a village."
"You did not want to go home," he speaks gently, keeping his voice level, surprised by his own kindness now.
"And if I asked you back then to help me get home you would have?" she asks skeptically.
"After Yogan?" he says quietly. "Yes. I would have found one that could send you home. Even now," he averts his eyes knowing it will hurt her and not wishing to see her pain. "This Sesshomaru wishes you to return."
"Of course you do," she says broken hearted. "I'm only in your way."
He grabs her arm, turning back to her, furious. "No. Because you have experienced nothing but sorrow, because you were raped, because I could have stopped it and chose not to, because you were held captive and fear my touch, when you should revel in it. This time," he slams his hand against the floor. "It is easy to live in, when you are dai-youkai and few can challenge you. Is it worth this pain? The scars you now bear?"
"Could have stopped it? What do you mean by that?" she asks, confused.
"I do not interfere in human matters. It is beneath this Sesshomaru. I could have stopped it sooner."
"Then why did you step in at all?" she asks trying to stay calm.
"Because you are strong. You did not want to die. You did not cower."
"Then it's worth it," she says, looking into his eyes.
"Five months of rape and it's worth it? You are foolish. How many times did he leave you in tears? Take you against your will? And now you are bound to this one? I do not love." He begins pacing the room. "How is it worth it?"
"My life is fleeting, was being raped for five months…" she chuckles darkly "Perhaps I really am a fool but if anything was gained from my pain it is worth knowing that I affected you. That you stepped in because you saw something in me."
"Do you see nothing in yourself? Did you think so little of yourself then?"
"That isn't it. People don't get transported into another dimension for no reason. Portals don't just randomly open. I have to believe there is some reason I'm here or I would go crazy. I would have killed myself a long time ago. And if you benefited from it, is that so wrong to enjoy that, since I care about you?"
Sesshomaru slams his fist through the wall and gasps at the pain, forgetting that he still doesn't have the yoki to block it. "YOU SHOULD NOT CARE ABOUT ME!" Blood runs down his wrist from the splintered wood.
Avalon leaps up running to him cradling his hand that is bleeding. "What can I do? I care." She lifts his hand looking for any splinters in it.
He rips his hand out of hers backing away and leaning against the wall. He holds his wrist to his chest. 'I cannot bear her pain. I cannot be worth torture...rape.'
"What did I do?" she asks, hurt by him pulling away from her. "I didn't mean to offend you. Please, let me look at your hand?" she asks, holding her hand out for it.
He shakes his head, refusing. 'Nothing is worth rape.'
"I'm sorry," she says softly and goes to grab a kimono from the ones he gave her. Slipping it on, she goes back to him. "Is this better?" She is so confused and hurt by the way he's acting.
His breaths come quickly as he attempts to regain control of himself. He can't speak and he can't care for his own hand. He shutters his eyes, unable to look at Avalon. Instead he walks over to a bowl of water on a stand and lowers his bleeding wrist into it.
Avalon walks cautiously over to him. "Please let me help. It's my fault you're not healing as quickly."
He rolls his wrist back and forth in the water. It turns pink, clearing his skin and revealing a thick, sharp, black chunk of wood stuck in his skin.
Avalon offers her hand again to him.
He nods, holding his wrist out to her.
Avalon takes his hand examining it before bending her head over and bringing her teeth together around the end of the splinter and pulling it out. She drops the chunk into her palm and places it by the bowl of pink water. "Let me wrap this?"
He nods again, feeling exhaustion creep in.
Avalon grabs the tattered yukata and tears a strip from it and wraps the injury up and leads him back to the futon. "Are you okay?" she asks in a whisper, concern lacing her voice.
He reaches over to the side of the futon and retrieves the scroll he had been reading before the fit took him and starts at the beginning, unable to remember how far he had before. Quiet, he needed quiet and more, he needed to know how to gain Bakusaiga.
Avalon looks curiously at the scroll. "Do you mind if I read with you?"
He doesn't move or respond. Sesshomaru focuses on the words, flexing his fingers every so often, surprised that shattering the wall actually caused him pain.
Avalon's eye twitches as her ire raises. They were in the middle of a conversation and he flips out and then when she gets him to calm down, he ignores her. "Sesshomaru!" she says a little louder.
He groans. "You really cannot stop chirping can you? Onaga?" He adds 'magpie' because she reminds him of one, the way they never stop chirping.
"We were talking and then I don't know what happened," she says frustrated.
"I am reading," he says blandly, not wanting to finish the conversation.
"You can't just stop a conversation like that. If you want to read that's fine but say something. Don't just ignore me."
He shifts, moving more pillows to take his weight off the stump and continues reading, ignoring her outburst.
"YOU!" she says, getting off the bed suddenly. "I...AHHHH!" she screams. "You're rude," she finally says pointing a finger at him.
"You are childish!" He slams the scroll down. "I am tired and in pain, because you attacked this Sesshomaru after his limb was severed! You claim to be apologetic over my pain and yet you can't stop talking!"
"So the mature thing would be to say, I'm tired and in pain. I would like to rest in silence. Not just grab a scroll and ignore me when I talk to you. Sorry I'll go find something to eat. Rest, recuperate without my chattering," she says turning and walking towards the door.
"This Sesshomaru is not beholden to you," he says icily and returns to the scroll. "Selfish, self-absorbed, ungrateful…"
"I heard that," she says over her shoulder. "And I don't forget your words." She opens the door stepping out and closing it behind her.
"Good riddance," he mutters, slamming his whip against the door, tearing a whole through the shoji door. 'Finally quiet.'
A/N This is an early posting I promised on behalf on Elohiniar. Please give her your prayers she is going through so much right now. I adore her. She is such a wonderful person and I could not do this without her my wonderful co-author and beta please leave a review and stay safe and sane.
Itzatakahashi- So Avalon met his mother and it didn't go too bad. Thanks for the review and keep on reading.
ASJS- I'm glad you enjoyed the previous chapter and yeah she is pushing her luck for sure stopping him from attacking Inuyasha but she knows that they can't kill each other. It isn't too late in the story for Rin. Rin doesn't come until season two. Thanks for reviewing and enjoy.