"Kuso!" Avalon says, too exhausted to move from her spot. "She is going to hate me," she buries her head in his chest.
"You may speak to her," Sesshomaru says haughtily, releasing her. "Why does it matter if we are intimate?"
"You do not understand humans sometimes," she says, dragging herself up off the ground.
He only shrugs in response, tucking himself back into his fundoshi and putting on the yukata she brought him. He holds her hand and kisses her cheek, letting his lips linger for a moment. "For your trust."
"I'll find you later okay?" she says gently.
He nods and slaps her ass playfully. "Go."
Avalon rushes to follow her. "Hikari wait!" she yells when she reaches the castle and barges through the door. She quickly glances left, then right and spots her retreating form.
"You're leaving me for him!" Hikari screams at her while Jaken Jr, runs sloppily along the smooth wooden floors.
Avalon shakes her head and follows her. "That's not how it is," her voice is calm but she is frustrated.
"You left me yesterday and didn't come back!" Hikari folds her arms over her new Kimono. It's light pink with white butterflies and a purple obi. "And what were you doing in his lap! Who does it like that!?"
"You are right but he has been having issues. And well…" Avalons cheeks flush. "Adults," she says meekly.
Hikari's eyebrows knit together and she glares at Avalon. "I'm almost fifteen. If I hadn't been raped Kami-sama only knows how many times I would be doing it too and nobody does it like that!"
"Alright, well he asked me to trust him so I did. Look I'm sorry HIkari, we are mated and he needs me and I'm not just talking about like that." She runs her hand through her sweat soaked hair. "His arm was severed and it hurts him and me being near helps calm him. You remember when I brought him to the village and we slept outside the hut?"
"You mean when he couldn't move and he almost hit me?" Hikari absentmindedly strokes Jaken Jr's ears.
"Yes exactly that, well it keeps happening and only my scent and being in physical contact with him seems to calm him and it's all my fault he is like this." Avalon's shoulders slump.
"You didn't cut his arm off, why is it your fault? You should have, he's a jerk," she says rolling her eyes.
"I was on the brink of death and he bonded me to save my life and to take my pain from that injury. He could have let me die but he didn't. He saved me."
Hikari's eyes bulge. "If he wasn't such a jerk that would be romantic." She stops and slides down the walls, feeling helpless. Jaken Jr curls against her side. "What am I going to do here? How long do I have to stay?" She wipes her nose. "There's no humans here. I'm not going to have any friends." She pulls her knees up to her chin.
Avalon walks over to her, sitting next to her and wraps one arm around her leaning her head on Hikari's back. "I know I'm sorry. It's just not safe anywhere else." Avalon sighs. "I could kidnap someone and bring them here," she says jokingly.
Hikari blushes. "Maybe a boy?"
"You want a boy? How old is this boy?" Avalon says slyly. 'Is my little Hikari growing up?'
"I don't know." She scratches the sleeve of her new kimono. "Who would want me anyway? He doesn't care that you weren't a virgin?" Then she chuckles and adds, "well if you were doing it like that, he must not."
Avalon giggles. "No, he didn't care that I was violated. He felt I was a virgin. He felt that way when I first met him. Did I ever tell you how we met?"
"No." Hikari puts her chin on her upraised knees.
"It's a little hard for me to talk about, but I think it might help you understand. I was being chased by five samuri. They captured me. They held me down, tied me to a tree, and forced my legs apart." Avalon takes a deep breath trying to steady herself. "The leader penetrated me and when I screamed, he silenced me, by kissing me. I bit his tongue off. He bled to death before my eyes. But his men were not pleased and decided to kill me. So they had their katana's out and were ready to cut me down. That's when he came and cut them all down. He freed me. He hunted for me, so I could have food and he procured clothing for me. He was a prick but he was kind in ways too. He wanted me sexually but he never forced himself on me." Avalon laughs a single laugh. "One night we got drunk and he offered to take my virginity. I was really confused. He explained, in his eyes I was still innocent."
"He doesn't think you're dirty," Hikari says softly. "Maybe I should find a demon." She grins sheepishly. "It doesn't hurt onesan? You were screaming really loud."
"Oh...um...well the first time it was slightly painful. He was larger than any before but my screaming was...actually...umm...because...uh...it...uh...feels good." Avalon hides her face in her hands embarrassed to admit something like that aloud.
"Ka-chan never sounded like. Well, she would wait for us to leave the hut but I was curious once. She wasn't on top either. You don't have to be on your back?" She closes her eyes wincing as her mind races back to the day in her village. "No," she whimpers, starting to shake. "No…"
Jaken Jr. gets up and starts licking her hands and her face.
"Hikari, it's okay. You're safe." Avalon says softly rubbing her shoulder. "Look at me. It's okay. You don't have to go back there."
She shakes her head, burying her face against her knee and covering her head with her hands. The puppy nuzzles her head through Hikari's hands and licks her tears.
"Hikari," Avalon says gently while wrapping her arms around her young ward. "It's okay." she whispers against her ear. "It's okay."
Jaken Jr. starts whining and then howling softly almost as if the puppy is singing. It makes Hikari laugh, bringing her out of her memory. "She does this when I go there," she pats the puppy's head.
"Well aren't you a good puppy?" Avalon says gently while stroking the puppies white fur.
Jaken Jr. nudges Hikari's face out of her legs and rests her white head against the frightened girl. "I couldn't on my back. They used rope. I struggled so hard it cut my skin. Now I see it whenever I see my wrists."
"I'm sorry Hikari. We could get you wrist wraps, they might help. And there is no reason you would have to be on your back. There are many different positions for intimacy," Avalon says gently, holding Hikari's wrists lightly.
"Doesn't matter anyway," Hikari says wistfully, staring at the ceiling. "No one will have me."
"Hikari you are beautiful. I am sure someone will want you."
She shrugs her shoulders, not feeling very beautiful.
"Oi, there you are!" Hiromaru comes plodding around the corner. "Been looking all over for you. I have a treat for your dog in the kitchen. Think she'd want it?"
"Um...I guess so." Hikari unwraps her arms from Jaken Jr. "I bet she's hungry."
"I'll bring her right back," Hiromaru says, giving Avalon an awkward bow. "Avalon-sama, pleasant to see you as always. Come on then y-Jaken Jr. Who names a dog after that toad?" he asks.
"Sesshomaru-sama," Avalon volunteers.
"He would think of that. Well, I best be on my way then. Come on you y-Jaken Jr," Hiromaru pats his leg. "That's a good boy."
"She's a girl!" Hikari calls back.
"Right! Good girl." Hiromaru hobbles back down the halls.
"At least he isn't as scary as Sesshomaru-sama's mother. She came to visit me yesterday. I thought she was going to eat me."
"I can totally understand that. She scares me too and I have to call her mother." Avalon sticks her tongue out like she ate something really gross.
"Mother?" Hikari giggles. "Well you really did pick your mother in law didn't you?"
"I did not." Avalon crosses her arms and sticks her nose up.
"Can't you break the bond? If you could?"
"I don't know how and I don't think I can or I'm sure Sesshomaru-sama would have already. He didn't want to bond me," Avalon says sadly.
"Why are you sad Onesan? Do you want to break it?"
"I don't know what I want." Avalon sighs. "He just tells me he could never love, so if it can't be broken and he's right about not being able to love...I'll never know the love of a man."
"It's like an arranged marriage. Love doesn't matter, just making babies. But when you lose your virginity at eleven you have time to think about it. I wouldn't let someone touch me who didn't love me."
"He doesn't even want to have children with me," Avalon whispers nearly inaudible.
Hikari's mouth drops. "We have to find a way to get you out of this bond. Why did you scream so much?"
"Because he brings me a lot of pleasure when we are intimate," Avalon says quietly.
"Aw, I don't understand." Hikari kicks her feet out. "But why would he do that if he didn't feel something for you? He doesn't make any sense. Sex doesn't make any sense."
"He says I bring him warmth in here." Avalon points to her heart. "And the bond drives us to mate," Avalon explains unemotionally.
"Yeah but then you can just lay on your back and let him do his thing until his seed comes out. Why would he care how you feel?"
Avalon shrugs. "He says I mean something to him and I alone satisfy him."
"That's a start at least. I'm hungry. Hiromaru-sama is nice but he sent intestines last night. I gave them to Jaken. Jr."
"I know, did you get the cooked bear?" Avalon asks, concerned.
"Cooked bear?" Hikari replies, equally confused. "No one brought that."
"I am going to have to step on a little toad then. I had cooked you a stick full of it last night. Jaken was supposed to bring it to you."
"I never saw him last night." Her stomach makes a sad sound. "I'm afraid to ask Hiromaru for something to eat. He takes up the entire hallway!"
"Don't worry, let's go together and we can have something made for both of us. The fireplace should be in place by now. He didn't have one before. I had to cook it in the fireplace in Sesshomaru-sama's room." Avalon gets up offering her hand to Hikari.
Hikari takes her hand and walks with her down the hall. "The demon won't find me here?"
"No, he has no idea where this is. You will be safe here," Avalon says reassuringly.
"I don't really have a home anyway. But there isn't anyone here for me. No other humans."
"I know, I'm sorry. I will come back whenever I can,"
"Okay," Hikari says as they turn down the halls and make it to the kitchen.
There are loud thuds and slams in the back of the kitchen that are making the walls shake. A little boy with silver hair runs into the kitchen taking out a bowl of raw meat and then runs back out with a smirk on his face.
Avalon looks over at Hikari. "You know him?" She points where the little boy just ran.
"I haven't seen him before. I only know the servants and Gobodo-sama went through three before she found one that Jaken Jr wouldn't bite."
"I'm sure Jaken Jr was just making sure you were safe." Avalon smiles. "Come on, let's go see the chaos." She grins devilishly.
Hikari and Avalon walk through the opening between the counters and the walls to the back of the kitchen and find the same young black haired demon hammering boards down into a firepit with his hands. He uses one spike and drives it in with his palm and then another, while Hiromaru hefts the giant beams and cuts them down to size. The pit is large enough to roast a medium sized bear and part of it already has metal bars to hang pots from. "Avalon-sama," Hiromaru wipes the sweat off his face and chins. "Didn't expect you so soon."
"Hiromaru-san, Yamamaru-san, my ward is hungry and the meat I roasted her last night never got to her. Are there any fruits or vegetables that she can have?" Avalon looks over at the younger youkai remembering Hiromaru had said he would be the one to ask.
Yamamaru picks up a basket that is filled with peaches, pears, apples and green leafy vegetables. He hands them to Hikari, his eyes lingering on the girl for sometime..
Avalon notices that Yamamaru is looking at Hikari for a bit too long and clears her throat loudly. "Ah-hem."
Yamamaru averts his eyes quickly and goes back to the firepit.
"Brought those up last night. As for cooked meat, we're almost there. Also brought up...what did you call it?" Hiromaru asks his son. "Those white grainy things?"
"Rice," Yamamaru answers in a quiet voice.
"Arigato," Hikari blushes.
"Arigato Yamamaru-san and arigato for getting the fireplace put in so quickly Hiromaru-san." Avalon bows her head to them both.
Hikari bows to them as well, following Avalon's lead. "There are so many fruits in here." She picks up a peach and takes a bite. "It's so good! Try one!" She passes one to Avalon.
"Well this morning I have Shika, Hare and Serrow. Serrow is tender, very good," Hiromaru tells Avalon and Hikari. "The firepit isn't quite finished yet. We're almost done."
"I'm sure we will enjoy some cooked meat later but, uh, we saw a young silver haired youkai run with a bowl of meat. That wouldn't have been it would it?" Avalon asks curiously.
"That little weasel!" Hiromaru hobbles into the front of the kitchen looking through the cabinets. "That was the serrow! Yamamaru go find your brother and give him a lesson!"
The boy ceases his work on the firepit and bows to both Avalon and Hikari, again his gaze rests on the girl longer than it does on Avalon and then he exits the room.
"Where is Jaken Jr.?" Hikari asks, searching for her puppy.
"Sent her back to find you. She probably got lost," Hiromaru tells Hikari.
"You have another son?" Avalon asks, while she takes a bit of the peach Hikari gave her.
"Little one is Doumaru. He's about to reach his eighty-second summer. Still full of guile and mischief, just like his mother."
"Any other children?" Avalon raises her brow at him wondering how big the family was.
"If you don't mind Avalon-sama," his eyes glaze with tears, "I'd rather not talk about them. Lost them in a battle two hundred years ago." He gets a rag to wipe his eyes.
"My sincerest apologies Hiromaru-san, I only meant to know if more youth would be showing up at the castle." Avalon looks down ashamed.
"There's a few." He dabs his eyes. "Sorry, can't talk about them without it breaking my heart. They were...well you don't need to hear about it. Anyway, can I do anything else for you?"
"No and I'm very sorry for you and your family's loss. If I can help in any way please let me know," Avalon offers gently.
"Can't change the past. That's what Inu no Taisho said. Won't ever forget them though. Not for as long as I live," he says resolutely.
"I'm so sorry for bringing it up. I'll be leaving now." Avalon bows her head and turns around walking towards the door.
Hikari runs after Avalon, quickly bowing as well. When they get out the door she grabs Avalon's hand. "Why did you have to ask that. He was so sad!"
"I did not know he had lost his children. I feel horrible," Avalon says, walking away from the kitchen. "Why don't you show me your room," she says, downtrodden.
"Okay," Hikari replies, leading her to it. "Sesshomaru-sama said I could pick out my blankets and he even let me choose this kimono! He told the servants I could have more if I wanted and a futon to sleep on instead of a tabi mat. Jaken Jr. loves it! Where is she?" She leads Avalon back to her room and opens the shoji doors. "It's simple but it's as big as the hut I used to have."
Avalon looks around the room. "He can be kind at times," she says, still depressed. 'Why didn't Toga bring his kids back from the dead?'
Suddenly Jaken Jr. comes running through the door and leaps onto the bed, wagging her tail. "There you are," Hikari runs to the puppy and hugs her. "She's the only reason I can handle staying here."
"Well I'm glad she is here with you then." Avalon says rubbing the puppy's head.
A knock comes on the door outside. "Avalon...sama," Jaken calls sourly. "Avalon-sama!" he calls more desperately.
Avalon walks to the door sliding it open. "Yes Jaken-sama?" she says the sama with a sneer.
He rubs several cuts on his face. "You have to come right now before someone sees him. He was reading in the sunroom and he collapsed. I tried to help," he cups his cheek. "Someone will see him. You don't understand youkai politics, even here someone might take this chance to kill him."
"Take me to him, I'm sorry you got hurt. I'll see you later Hikari." Avalon sets out the door
"Bye Onesan!"
"Quickly, this way." Jaken grabs her hand and starts running. "His skin is red and he's hugging the stump." He leads her down several long hallways to a large room that is made almost completely of windows. At the end Sesshomaru lays on the floor in a ball hugging his arm. "Should I get his mother? She could move-"
"No, go to our room, there is a satchel full of vials. Bring it to me. I can move him if necessary."
"Hai," Jaken nods and then points at the door. "Lock it. He will be mortified if someone sees him like this."
"Go, I'll only open it for you." Avalon follows him to the door locking it behind him. She quickly makes her way over to Sesshomaru and wraps her arms around his stump putting more pressure on it and bringing her neck to be in his face. "I'm sorry. Jaken will bring the vials shortly," she says softly, leaning over him.
His breaths come out in short gasps, but his mouth reaches up for her neck anyway, licking her skin. He lets go of the stump now that she has it and searches for her waist and her lap as if he was blind. "Closer."
Avalon moves her body to be more inline with his now that he has released the stump. She places his head on her lap opening her kimono to expose her skin for him and she pushes her weight to put pressure on his stump. "I'm sorry, I'm here now," she soothes softly.
He sniffs his way into her stomach and holds her back tightly with his claws. "Engolish," he bites out, shaking. "Say...Engolish...d...distraction." His teeth chatter as his temperature rises.
"I am here for you." Avalon says in English. "I think I might have fallen for you," she says in English. "I must be a complete idiot." she says all in a soothing loving tone.
He kisses her skin just beneath her navel. His head aches from the fever, his shoulder feels like it's pinned to the ground. It's too hard to speak. Someone knocks at the door.
"Who is it?" Avalon calls calmly.
"Jaken," the toad calls. "I have them! But em...she followed me. The Healer…"
"No…" Sesshomaru shakes his head, making his nose rub across Avalon's belly, leaving sweat marks behind. "No…"
"Please leave Chie."
"But I must see him," Chie says through the door.
"He will not accept you. Go!" Avalon says more forcefully.
Chie clicks her tongue. "He will have to see me later then." Chie walks away leaving Jaken behind.
Jaken nearly faints from relief. "Can you unlock the door now?"
"N...not...him...p...please." He curls around Avalon, his claws digging into her back again.
"I can take the medicine and have him go," she offers gently.
He nods, poking her stomach with his face, completely lost in the euphoria of the fever, but his grip on her back doesn't lessen.
"You have to release me," Avalon says quietly.
His arm falls shakily to the ground, immediately gripping the floor boards and scratching holes in them.
Avalon gets up and unlocks the door. "Give me the satchel," she says, blocking Jaken's path.
He hands it to her. "Help him? Please?"
"I will and you, I have a bone to pick with you later," she says as she closes the door, locking him out and rushing back to Sesshomaru. She picks his head back up and opens a vial and pours a small portion in his mouth, knowing he might gag if there is too much.
He swallows what she gives him and when he feels more he swallows again. Relief comes slowly and again his body feels exhausted. He curls into Avalon's body, nuzzling his nose in between the fabric of her clothing until he finds her skin again. "M...more...Engo...lish...On...aga."
"Why do you have to be so difficult? You keep breaking my heart with your stubbornness," she says softly in English. "You are so confusing to me." she says in English "Should stop saying things that you might ask what they mean. You make me happy and sad," she continues speaking in Japanese, "I can sing in English."
"S...sing...t...take...the...pain." He groans, tightening his grip on her back, tearing the fabric again.
" I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now, I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase "
He smiles completely unaware that this time she can see it. "So...beautiful," he whispers, relaxing his hand on her back. "My...mate is beautiful." He struggles to remain awake.
"Do you want to go back to your room?" she offers softly, smiling while tears fall down her face. 'He's smiling at me? He really thinks I'm beautiful?"
His mind is still foggy and lost in the fever while the pain is subsiding from the vial. "Can't stand yet. Stay...it's so warm...like when I loved her."
Avalon brows scrunch together confused. 'Who did he love?' Pain laces her heart. 'He says he doesn't love but what happened to her? And warm like when he loved her.' Avalon's mind spirals trying to figure out what could possibly happen. 'If it is like that warmth, does he love me?' Avalon shakes her head not wanting to hope that, not when he has made it so clear that he does not love.
His breath becomes more even but the fever still grips him. "Love hurts...only brings pain...do not make...this Sesshomaru love you," he stammers out against her stomach.
'Don't make you love me?' Avalon becomes pensive and confused. 'What do you mean, do not make this Sesshomaru love you? Do you mean that you are already falling in love with me and are fighting it?' Avalon feels hurt. 'Why do you think love only brings pain? What happened to you?' Avalon holds him to her, wondering about all he has said in his fevered state. She knew it made for loose lips. She asks quietly in a whisper, "Are you falling in love with me?"
"D...do not ask for...love," he murmurs, feeling his eyes close against his will. He would be safe in his room but here, instinct forced him to stay awake.
Avalon runs her hand lovingly through his hair. She notices the scroll on the ground that he has been reading. She reaches for it, grabbing it to read it. She only can recognize about 20% of the words. She recognizes Tetsusaiga and Totosai and Toga but not much more. 'What in the world?' Avalon sets the scroll down. "Do you want to go back to your room to rest?" she asks gently.
He nods, sweetly kissing her belly as the fever subsides slightly. "Help me up," he says unabashed, it was already too late, she had seen him like this too many times. He starts pushing himself off the ground weakly.
Avalon grabs the scroll stuffing it in the satchel and slinging it over her head. She reaches under his right arm wrapping her arms around his chest helping to lift him up. She helps to place his hand over her shoulder making it look more like they are just walking together and starts walking for the door to unlock it. She walks slowly with him as they make their way to his room. She opens the door sliding it closed behind them and helping to lay him in his bed. She covers him and then crawls into bed with him. She faces him and runs her hand through his sweat soaked hair.
"This is embarrassing," he whispers with closed eyes. "I am Daiyoukai," he breathes fitfully, "not a common dog."
"I never thought you were. I know what you are. Please don't be embarrassed around me. I am your mate. I don't judge you," Avalon says lovingly.
He nods. "Sleep." He nuzzles his face between her breasts, moving her yukata aside. "Sleep."
Avalon smiles wrapping her arms around his shoulders, holding him to her chest while closing her eyes, letting herself nap for the time being.
Several hours later Sesshomaru wakes, satisfied that Avalon had stayed with him while he slept. He tousles her gently to wake her up. "Avalon. I am getting up," he tells her while sitting up.
Avalon blinks her eyes then smiles gently when she sees him look at her. "Hey," she says softly, sitting up as well.
He leaves the futon peeling off the sticky yukata in the process and tosses it in the corner to be cleaned. Sesshomaru sniffs his shoulder and shakes his head. "This Sesshomaru stinks." He goes to the bowl of water and uses a nearby cloth to rinse his skin. His hair is matted to his back and damp from sweat.
"I think we need a bath," Avalon suggests while getting out of the bed, walking up and hugging him from behind leaning her body against his back.
"Humans bathe so often?"
"Indeed, we need to or we smell bad," Avalon says, nuzzling her nose into his right shoulder blade.
Sesshomaru sighs at the comfort. "Soon. I wish to read. I have not eaten since the boar in the field." He touches his stomach. "After I have eaten. Bring this Sesshomaru food," he means it as a command but it comes out gingerly.
"I will return soon," she says, softly kissing his back, then releasing him. She sways her hips as she walks to the door and turns around to smile at him before opening the door and stepping out.
He watches her hips, licking his lips. He is pleasantly surprised she is openly trying to seduce him. Before, he had initiated intimacy. 'She must enjoy it.' He returns to sponging himself off.
Avalon walks down the hall to the kitchen. "Hiromaru-san?" she calls into the room.
"Be with you in a minute!" he calls from deep in the kitchen. "You mangy little, mongrel!" There's sounds of something growling and struggling. Hiromaru walks around the corner holding a live serrow, fighting his hold. He snaps its neck as he reaches Avalon and the grey body falls limp. "That's better. What can I do for you?"
"Sesshomaru-sama is requesting food and I am hungry as well," she says, looking slightly saddened by the death of the serrow.
"Well you can give him this," he gives her the still warm body of the animal he just dispatched. "I've got more bear in the back, some shika, a boar and even some monkey."
"Ah...no monkey ever please, but if you could have some shika muscle cooked for me and sent to Sesshomaru-sama's room, I would appreciate it."
"We just finished that firepit. I'll get some made up right away for you."
"Arigato, how are you doing Hiromaru-san?" Avalon asks hesitantly.
"Oh I'm fine...eh...are you okay?" Hiromaru peers into her face.
"I'm alright." She lets a small smile grace her lips. "I'll go bring this to Sesshomaru-sama before it cools."
"He'll appreciate it. Likes things fresh," Hiromaru smiles at her while returning to his work. "Take care of yourself Avalon-sama!"
"You as well Hiromaru-san." She says, then turns slinging the beast over her shoulder walking back to Sesshomaru's room. She slides the door open and closed behind her. "I brought you something," she says lightly.
Sesshomaru turns the scroll. He's dressed in a simple black kimono with matching hakama, lounging on the futon with his back to the door.
Avalon walks with the animal on her shoulder to him. She grabs his shoulder, shaking it gently to get his attention. "It's freshly killed," she says, slightly annoyed he didn't acknowledge her and the thing was getting pretty heavy.
He bats her hand off his shoulder and turns on her. "I am not your pet." He yanks the Serrow out of her hand and sets it in a nearing bowl, cutting its neck and then sucking the blood out.
"What are you talking about? You asked for food, so I brought it."
"Do not shake my shoulder," he answers coldly as he finishes sucking the blood of the serrow demon out and starts cutting out chunks of meat to eat.
"I'm sorry," Avalon says quietly. "I didn't mean to insult you."
He goes back to the scroll, still leaning on his side while reading through it, eating the meat. 'Impossible to teach.'
Avalon looks at the scroll in his hand. "You keep reading that scroll over and over again. "What are you trying to find?" she asks hesitantly as she joins him in bed.
His eyes slide over to her, equal parts annoyed and endeared about her curiosity, but reading is slower when he eats at the same time. "You said I will manifest my own sword. This was written by Totosai, the day after Father manifested Tetsusaiga from his fang." He points to the section he is reading. "Can you read?"
"I can but unfortunately this dialect I'm unfamiliar with. I can recognize some of the words but most I don't understand. Like this," she points to one symbol "It looks similar to 'going' but there is an extra dash here," she traces the line. "So I don't know if it means 'going' or not."
"This tells of the day when father fought a great battle and he was outnumbered. That symbol means fear. He feared for my life and the life of my mother." He cuts the leg off the demon, pulling the skin off and begins eating it, wondering why Avalon is not disgusted by his eating habits.
"I see, that is interesting since fear looks like this." Avalon traces out the symbol with her finger on the futon. "It's very different. I'd love to learn this dialect."
"Another time." He goes back to reading the scroll and breaks off the other leg of the serrow. 'I should not have gone so long without eating.'
"It's odd. From what I know about it, your father gave his fang to Totosai and Totosai forged it into a sword. I wonder if the scroll is more of an indulgence of the truth than actual fact," Avalon speculates.
"Maybe what was written in your time was the tale and this is the truth," he challenges back.
"Maybe. But I know that your stupid half-brother will break it in a fight and Totosai will reforge it, using one of Inuyasha's fangs-"
"The hanyou breaks my father's sword?" Sesshomaru's anger rises. 'Does he have no respect for our father?'
Avalon sighs. "It's an incarnation created by Naraku, able to break the sword with his teeth. He also can ready minds. A truly dangerous foe."
"Leave it to the hanyou to be unable to clear his mind." He returns to the scroll, picking up where he left off. 'How did you do it Father?'
"He does kill him after the sword breaks," Avalon says quietly.
Sesshomaru sounds her out, focusing on the scroll instead. His eyes narrow in finally on the area he had been searching for. 'I do not experience desperation. How could father allow himself to become desperate?'
Avalon starts running her hand along his outer thigh. "Talk to me, what did you just read? You seemed disturbed by it," she says gently, noticing his change in disposition.
"You are an Onaga," he says, going back to the same area. 'He did it to save the life of mother and this Sesshomaru and...'
Avalon smiles at him waiting for him to talk to her, when a knock comes at the door. Avalon gets up to answer the door and a male servant presents a tray to her with a plate of cooked meat on it. Avalon takes the tray and the servant bows to her.
"Arigato," Avalon says bowing her head.
"Please enjoy your meal Avalon-sama."
Avalon smiles as the servant. "I will." She closes the door and goes back to the bed and starts eating the cooked shika. 'Bland but it's good to eat. I'll have to teach the cook to cook.' Avalon giggles as she puts another piece in her mouth.
Sesshomaru finishes his meal, leaving nothing but the skin and the bones in the bowl and sets it aside while his stomach starts growling again. 'I should have remembered to eat.' Now that he has finished he reaches an arm out to Avalon, pulling her waist closer to his chest. 'So that's how you did it? What foe would this Sesshomaru fight to feel this desperation?'
Avalon smiles. "Satisfied?" she asks seductively.
"I am still hungry." He looks dismayed at the bones left behind.
"I can go get you something else," she offers.
"Why do you care for this Sesshomaru?" He glances up from the scroll.
"You're my mate for one, but also you have saved my life and you have cared for me," Avalon says looking over her shoulder to see him.
"You were not a consenting mate," he reminds her, turning on his back and massaging her scalp with his claws to draw her closer.
Avalon leans down forgetting the plate of meat and lays down with him. "No, but I like being with you. Your aura has always brought me comfort and things could be so much worse for me. Why would I fight something that I don't object to?"
"It is good to be satisfied with one's mate," he whispers. "The scroll speaks of Father's desperation, to protect my mother, to protect me. When two powerful daiyoukai come together and create a child, often opposite forces rise up to end their life, for fear of the power they will hold. The day Tetsusaiga was forged, mother was birthing this Sesshomaru. Father was fighting Ryukotsusei's father. A hundred smaller dragons had broken through his forces and were upon his house. In a moment of desperation to protect this Sesshomaru and mother, the sword was forged. He could not defeat them on his own, not even in his true form, drawing on all that he was. To save our lives as he was being crushed, it formed from his fang."
Avalon eyebrows knit together. "But I thought the Tetsusaiga was forged to protect Inuyasha's mother?"
"No," he says, combing her hair with his claws, then bringing some of the strands up to his nose, lazily enjoying her scent. "This happened 900 years ago."
"Well I guess it makes sense, Desperation and wanting to protect, it's how you forge your sword. Why would it be different for your father?"
He touches his stump. "Mine will come from this, if I understand what I have read."
"Yes, it will manifest from what is left of your arm and your arm will grow back. Desperation, compassion, and a desire to protect." Avalon nods on his chest ticking out what is needed.
"Why would you allow this Sesshomaru to lose his arm? You knew and said nothing and you question why I left you behind."
"I had wanted to warn you when we were in the tomb before you fought Inuyasha," Avalon says sadly. "If I would have said it sooner I don't think you would have believed me."
"I did not believe anything you said until the day the pink light went across the sky. You wanted this Sesshomaru to lose his arm. Half of what you just said was not true." He brings her hair up to his nose again. "Even these strands know it."
"I didn't exactly want you to lose your arm Sesshomaru, but it was something you needed to experience, to learn from. It makes you stronger in the end," Avalon says nervously, even if it was the truth, she didn't think he would like the answer. "I had hoped to be there to retrieve your arm after the battle and return it to you. It was why I asked about how long a finger was viable after being detached."
He growls low at Avalon, his eyes flashing red and then back to their normal color, but his yoki grows choking the room as he grips the back of her kimono, furious, annoyed but a part of him is relieved to know it was what was meant to happen.
Avalon breath quickens and her heartbeat leaps up. She fights to keep reiki from reacting to the yoki flooding the room. "I'm sorry," she whispers.
"Are you?" he snarls out, his chest contracting more tightly.
"I'm sorry you lost your arm. I truly am even if I think it was meant to be I still feel bad about it. I'm sorry you have suffered in so much pain because of what you did to save me. So yes I am sorry," she says sincerely. "I don't like that you are suffering. It hurts my heart seeing it, and knowing it's my fault. I will do whatever I can to help you and even if it wasn't my fault, I would still do what I could to help you."
His yoki lowers. "Remember this Sesshomaru is not your pet to control."
Avalon shakes her head. "I never thought of you as a pet. I may have gone about things in the wrong way but I never thought less of you. You are a powerful and strong daiyoukai."
"You will do well to remember who it is that you have bonded."
"I could never forget," Avalon says relaxing against his chest.
Sesshomaru slides Avalon off his chest and reaches for the satchel. 'At least the Baba left more of these.' He flicks the lid off with his thumb and drinks the bitter liquid.
Avalon feels pain twinge in her chest. 'He stressed himself so much he pushed himself to be in pain again.' "Did you want to take a bath with me?" she asks hopefully.
"You wish to bathe with this Sesshomaru again?"
Avalon shrugs. "I like bathing and you being there makes for a more enjoyable experience," she hints to him.
"Again already?" His chest vibrates lightly. "When you were so scared before?"
"I couldn't see your face. I couldn't look in your eyes, I wasn't scared of the intimacy. It was...it was...I kept fearing it was him. It's stupid, I know but when I can't see you I..." she says slumping her shoulders shaking her head.
"It will fade," he says, tenderly. "At times I need more."
"I'm not against experimenting. It's just right now, I really need to be able to see you."
He nods, cocking his head to the side. Truthfully he was satisfied and wanted to rest. "Do you require release now?"
"No, I suppose not," she says. "If you're not in the mood, that's okay. We don't have to do anything," she says, feeling somewhat childish.
"Rest now." He traces the black circles around her eyes. "You're tired."
"Alright. Will you stay with me? If not, it's okay but if you want to, I'd like it. But if not, it's okay," she stumbles over her words.
"I will stay," he replies somberly. "In the evening we will bathe, after dinner."
"Okay." Avalon snuggles under the covers leaning on her side so he could spoon her if he wanted to. "Please hold me?" she asks delicately. "If not, you don't have to. It's up to you. I'm not trying to control you. It would just feel nice."
He turns on his side, sliding his arm beneath her shoulders and pulls her against his chest. "You are safe, Onaga." He kisses her cheek and presses his forehead into hers. "When you dream, remember I am here."
"Thank you." she grins leaning her head, so she can brush her lips against his.
"The weak among my kind can enter dreams. If you become scared, do you want me to enter your dream?"
"You could do that? Well I...um...I don't know. You can't judge me on my dreams. I don't control them."
"I will slay your fears." He nuzzles under her chin.
"I would like that. But if you see something you don't like in my dream you can't be mad-"
He presses his lips into hers, cutting her off. "Quiet. Go to sleep."
She kisses him back "Alright." Avalon's head drops to be more comfortable and closes her eyes, "Um Sesshomaru?"
Sesshomaru exhales, blowing the tendrils of her hair aside. "What?"
"Yamamaru...he...uh...is he interested in Hikari?"
"Interested?" Sesshomaru echoes her thought.
"Well me and Hikari were in the kitchen earlier and Yamamaru handed us a basket of fruit, but his eyes were fixed on Hikari for way too long."
"The boy is harmless," Sesshomaru reassures her.
"Alright." she says yawning.
"Sleep." He kisses her scalp.
Avalon nods molding her body to his.
Sesshomaru's head rests next to hers, listening to her breathing. It's even and peaceful, minus the gentle snores. 'Noisy Onaga. What is this Sesshomaru going to do with you?' His chest blooms with a warmth he is unused to feeling.
A/N I hope you are all enjoying my work. I plan on posting on the weekend and midweek. The song Avalon sang was My Immortal by Evanescence. Elohiniar had been a big help as my co-author and I can't thank her enough. This story had helped keep me sane through this period of isolation. I hope it has helped my audience as well. I was wondering if anyone would be interested in having an interview with the cast of my story. If you are interested please leave a review with who you would like to ask what. Thank you so much for your continued support.