Road Trip
By: Odainath
Author's notes: Consider this story very AU as of mid-season 3. The basic gist is that Kate and Caroline did get married, Kate did get in a crash and not only she but also baby Flora died. Meanwhile, Gillian has sold the farm, bought a house and is no longer with Robbie.
Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own 'Last Tango in Halifax'; it is the creation of Sally Wainwright. No copyright infringement is intended.
Summary: AU. Two people, both broken and damaged, manage to help each other heal. A mid-season 3 C/G road trip story.
I tell myself you don't mean a thing
And what we've got got not hold on me
But when you're not there I just crumble
I tell myself I don't care that much
But I feel like I die 'til I feel your touch
'Only Love Can Hurt Like This' by Paloma Faith.
It's the day before the official handover of the farm and Gillian makes one final round of the property before getting into the Land Rover. There's a couple of boxes in the backseat, full of bits and pieces of her former life, odds and ends she'd found buried in different corners and shelves. And here she was now, driving through the gates of the farm for what she knows is the last time. She pushes back tears as she catches one last glimpse of the cottage before turning the corner.
Sure, she can always drive past if she's that desperate to see it but it's no longer hers. It's the end of this particular chapter of her life.
Now she was the owner of a new house, where Raff and Ellie had already taken residence. It was a nice house, but she couldn't bring herself to call it 'home' just yet. No, home she had just left behind her. Her throat clenches as she turns another corner and soon finds herself pulling into Caroline's driveway. Her friend, step-sister, whatever she may call her had taken a bad turn since Kate and the baby had died and she liked seeing her, making sure she was all right. It had been over a full year and Caroline was still an echo of the woman she had once been.
Caroline doesn't seem overly surprised to see her as she'd been calling in often of late and makes a tray of tea that she takes onto the back porch. Gillian's barely sat down before Caroline starts talking; about the school governors making efforts to remove her from her position as Headmistress; how she found herself not really caring as she'd lost the motivation she had once felt for the job but how she also didn't want to stay at home all day where she could feel Kate's presence in every room.
To Gillian's utmost surprise, she finds herself saying 'Why don't we get away for a bit? Go somewhere for a while?'
Caroline's eyes widen in shock. "What?"
Gillian presses, trying to put her plan into words. "It's summer holidays, right? You've got a few weeks where you don't have to go in. Let's go somewhere."
The idea is ludicrous, very Gillian but surely Caroline can't deny that she doesn't want to be in the house.
"My mother…" Caroline begins to protest.
"We'll leave both our parents notes," Gillian continues, warming more to the idea. "William's coming down for the university holidays, isn't he? He's more than capable of looking after the house."
To her disbelief, Caroline doesn't answer straight away, no doubt judging the pros and cons. A few tense minutes pass in silence then she nods and pushes her chair back to stand. "Let me pack some clothes."
Caroline disappears into the house and goes upstairs, leaving Gillian to wonder what on earth she is thinking. She gathers up their cups and saucers and heads into the kitchen, washing them quickly. After all, Willian didn't need to walk in to a mess. She turns off her phone and puts it in the bowl on the hallway table. If she takes it, her family will ring non-stop and she'll feel compelled to turn around. Next to the bowl is a pen and notepad which she pulls across.
Dad,
She stops for a beat, debating what to write.
Caroline and I are going away for a little while.
We'll be back before the start of school term.
I promise to keep you updated.
Love,
Gillian.
Another beat, then she adds:
P.S - tell Celia I'll take good care of Caroline.
She folds the note in half, writes 'Dad' on the front, wondering for what will not be the first time if this is a good idea. Caroline startles her when she appears without a sound and reaches across to take the pad and pen. Gillian doesn't see what she writes minus 'Dear mum', then Caroline takes the note to Alan and says that she's going to slip them through their parents' front letterbox. She places her own phone next to Gillian's, along with the keys to the Jeep.
"William needs something to drive," she explains. "I assume we're taking yours?"
Gillian nods. "We are."
She takes Caroline's suitcase and moves to the front door, telling her she'll put it in the car. Caroline locks the house behind her, then heads to the bungalow. Gillian waits by the passenger door and opens it as Caroline approaches. She feels like a chauffeur, a taxi-man. After Caroline has pulled herself inside she closes the door, comes around to the driver's side and gets in as well. Both are silent as Gillian turns the key in the ignition and pulls out onto the road. She drives in the opposite direction to usual, soon reaching the highway.
You're a nutcase, she thinks as they speed along, a total madwoman.
An hour passes before Caroline speaks again. "Gillian?"
"Yes?"
"Where are we going?"
Gillian frowns. "Away."
A pause. "Away where?"
She decides that honesty is the best policy. "Not sure," she admits. "Away, away."
Another pause. "The entire school holidays?"
"Yes."
"That's quite a long time."
Gillian glances towards her companion. "Do you have any annual leave stacked up?"
One side of Caroline's mouth curves in what might be a half-smile. The first Gillian's seen in a very long time.
"I've got months of annual leave stacked up."
Gillian shrugs her shoulders. "Then we might go for a bit longer."
The other side of Caroline's mouth turns up in what is now definitely a smile. "I think I'd like that."
Gillian pulls into a bank and goes to the check-out, leaving Caroline in the Rover with the engine running. The teller's face curls in distaste as she approaches and she realises she is still dressed in work gear after her last round of the farm. She'd been planning to take a shower when she'd got to her new house.
Instead, here she was in…
She gives him her debit card and asks for eight hundred pounds.
The teller looks sceptical and Gillian watches in amusement as his expression turns from that to one of disbelief. The sale of the farm had been finalised yesterday and she had a substantial amount of money in her account. More than she'd ever had before. Wordlessly, he passes across the money and she holds it tightly in her hand which she jams into her jacket pocket. She keeps her head down as she walks quickly back to the Rover and swings herself inside.
Caroline looks slightly confused as she tucks the cash into her wallet. "Why did you get so much? You can always use a card."
Gillian hesitates, not quite sure of the answer. "It's just seems more definite this way," she says finally. "You know?"
Perhaps Caroline doesn't know for she simply looks out the window.
More hours pass and Caroline's stomach gives a loud growl. She dips her head down, embarrassed, trying to hide her blush. Gillian notes how Caroline's cheekbones look to press against her skin, how her jacket hangs loosely from her shoulders. She'd been losing weight for a while; it had just never seemed quite so obvious until now.
"Haven't eaten today?" she guesses.
A reluctant shake of the head.
Gillian nods toward the faint glow at the edge of the horizon. "We need to stop soon anyway. I don't like driving at night. We can grab a bite to eat."
She takes out a few banknotes from her stash that she gives to the receptionist.
"I've got a few things to get out of the car. I'll meet you upstairs."
Caroline obeys without protest and Gillian heads back outside. She rifles through the half-empty boxes, relieved to find a few bits of clothing. Jeans, underwear and some flannel shirts. Not much, but she can always stop at a clothes shop. A thick, yellow envelope labelled 'papers' catches her eye and a smile pulls at her lips as she glimpses inside.
"Caroline? Did you pack your passport?" she asks the second she enters the hotel room.
A nod. "I always do."
Gillian holds up her own. "Then the whole world is at our command."
They drive straight through Oxford without stopping to see any of Caroline's friends. Both know they would try to talk her out of this madness.
Soon enough, they arrive in London.
"We should book flights," Caroline says out of nowhere when they pass an internet café. "That will save us time at the airport."
Gillian can't argue with that and pulls into a parking spot. Together, they go inside and she orders lunch while Caroline sits at a computer.
"Anywhere in particular you want to go?" Caroline asks.
Gillian shrugs. "I haven't been to France."
Caroline opens her purse to check her credit card details and taps a few keystrokes.
"France, it is."
The next flight available is the following evening.
They head back onto the street and walk a few blocks. Caroline's eyes fall on the London Art Gallery. "Have you ever been…?"
Gillian shakes her head. "Not really my thing."
Caroline rolls her eyes and tugs her toward the entrance. "First time for everything."
Gillian admits that she likes some of the art but she can't deny for a moment that she loves the museum which Caroline drags her to next. She tries to look everywhere at once, sometimes leaving Caroline in another room but they find each other in the front hall after a couple of rushed hours.
As they walk down the pavement again, back toward the Rover, Gillian points at the glow on the horizon.
"Time to find somewhere to stay."
It's a cheap place, but the only one with any vacancies and Gillian knows it must be far beneath what Caroline is accustomed to. However, she doesn't seem to mind and sits uncomplainingly on one of the two single beds.
"No room service," Caroline says, holding up the hotel flyer. "We'll have to go out tonight." She bends down and opens her suitcase, taking out a dress and a pair of heels. She stares at them a moment before saying "Let's go somewhere nice."
Gillian can feel the blush spreading across her cheeks as she thinks of her cheap and scrubby wardrobe. "I haven't got anything…" She hesitates, searching for the right word. "Anything appropriate to wear anywhere nice."
Caroline holds her gaze for several moments and an array of emotions cross her face. Confusion, disbelief and hurt. "Do you really think I'd care about what you wear?" Angry tears brim in her eyes. "With everything you have done, are doing for me? Do you really think I'd care?"
Gillian doesn't respond, knowing her face is beet red. Caroline gives an exasperated sigh and pulls out a shirt and night jacket that she hurls onto Gillian's bed with more force than strictly necessary.
"If you're that concerned, wear those."
She grabs her own outfit and enters the bathroom.
Caroline doesn't take long and looks her usual immaculate self when she re-emerges, telling Gillian to get herself ready. Gillian obeys without arguing and quickly performs her 'going out' toilette. Caroline's shirt and jacket hang over the towel rail but she supposes she is meant to wear her usual jeans. Which seems utterly ridiculous.
"Caroline," she tries again as she comes back out. She points down, gesturing at the numerous scuff marks all over the denim fabric. "I really don't…"
"Your jeans are designer and your boots are vintage," Caroline interrupts firmly.
Gillian hasn't felt this absurd, embarrassed or insecure in what seems like years. She was more than aware of the class differences between herself and Caroline; how she wasn't meant for the 'nice' places.
Caroline's expression softens in understanding. She crosses the room and pulls Gillian into a hug. "We really do need to get some more confidence into you," she says gently into her ear. "You still surprise me with how little you sometimes seem to have." She places a kiss to her forehead. "You're worth a hell of a lot more than the sum of your clothing."
They have a genuinely good night out, certainly not as boisterous as others they have had, but good nonetheless. Both are grinning when they get back.
"Thank you…," Caroline murmurs as she lies down and pulls the covers over herself.
It's a 'thank you' for more than just 'tonight', Gillian knows that, but she takes it in the spirit it's meant and replies "you're welcome." Then she pauses briefly and adds "thank you as well."
Heathrow is teeming with tourists and while Caroline goes to the money exchange, Gillian heads to the newsagent. Her attention is caught by the postcards lining one of the walls and she remembers her promise to keep her father and Celia updated. She buys a pack of cards and a sheet of stamps then hurries to a writing bench, reaching for one of the chained pens.
Dad,
A quick note to let you know that Caroline and I are doing well.
We're going a bit further than we expected but I'll keep writing.
Let Raff, Ellie and Calamity know that I love them.
Love,
Gillian.
She drops the card in the mailbox.
Caroline catches her eye by waving over the crowd. "I think I see what you mean," she says as they walk together towards the security scanners. She subtly opens her purse, exposing a thick sheaf of euros. "Cash does feel more definite. Like we should be doing this."
They hire a car in Paris and drive to another hotel. There's a restaurant on the ground floor and they order dinner but decide on only one glass of wine.
"Don't want to be hungover before we start tomorrow," Gillian says decisively as the waiter fills their wine glasses.
Caroline holds up her own in a toast. "Very sensible." A tiny smirk. "Who'd have thought?"
And because she's laughing at Gillian's expression; a true, proper laugh, Gillian's indignation dissolves in a matter of seconds.
Caroline has a nightmare that night and wakes up in tears, about Kate and about Flora. About losing them both.
Gillian comforts her as best she can, hating that she is reminded of those she had about Eddie.
They go to a vineyard and both love sitting, talking and walking around the fields, somehow managing to drink just enough so they shouldn't drive in the morning.
However, after Caroline's nightmare, Gillian finds it difficult to sleep and wakes numerous times during the following nights. Barely four days later, she can already feel the effects. She tries to hide it from Caroline but she becomes suspicious something might be wrong nearly straight away.
"You're tired," Caroline says bluntly, on their fourth night.
"I'm fine."
A frown before Caroline pulls a stack of brochures from her bag.
"Let's have a change of scenery. This is meant to be a road trip."
Gillian glances through the brochures and starts when Caroline reaches out to touch the back of her hand.
"Please tell me if there's anything wrong," she whispers. A beat. "I know you're doing this for me and…" Another beat. "Do you want to go back?"
Gillian turns her hand over and threads her fingers through Caroline's. "I don't want to go back." She gives a tiny squeeze. "Not yet."
They pack their respective bags and leave after breakfast. Caroline takes the car keys from Gillian and points her toward the passenger side.
"My turn."
Three small towns and another vineyard later and they arrive in Marseille. Gillian's driving again and looks up as a plane passes overhead. It's a huge passenger jet and casts a giant shadow across the road.
"Caroline," she says. "I chose France. Did you want to go anywhere in particular?"
A purse of Caroline's lips. "Can I decide at the airport?" she says finally.
"Sure."
Caroline grabs a timetable with a list of all the flights for the rest of the day. She closes her eyes and points her finger randomly to the page. It lands on 'Berlin, 3 pm'.
"Are you okay with that?" she asks Gillian immediately. "If you don't want-"
A roll of the eyes. "I haven't been to Germany either."
Dear Dad,
France was interesting. We both loved the countryside.
Missing you and everyone else loads.
Love,
Gillian.
She likes Berlin far more than she expected. Though it is the site of their first minor overseas disaster when the sole of her boot splits as they walk through the park.
"That's just fantastic," Gillian mutters drily, sitting on a bench.
Caroline looks across the street and tells her to stay put, that she'll be back in less than ten minutes. Gillian doesn't get a chance to respond and Caroline disappears from sight in a matter of seconds. However, she is true to her word and quickly arrives back bearing a cardboard shopping bag.
"I guessed a six," she says, pulling out a shoebox. "Hopefully-"
Gillian catches a glimpse of the price on the receipt and jerks away as Caroline puts the box next to her and removes the lid. "I can't accept them," she protests, a familiar flare of inadequacy surging forward. "Just get me some glue or-"
Caroline places her palm across her mouth, silencing her instantly.
Gillian knows Caroline won't take 'no' for an answer and grudgingly puts on the new boots which, she admits, are comfortable and a good fit.
"You like them?" Caroline asks.
Gillian nods, vowing to buy a good bottle of wine for them to drink over dinner.
Caroline likes the BBA Gallery. Gillian doesn't.
Gillian likes the Pergamon. Caroline doesn't.
However, both of them love the Berlin Wall Memorial. They walk its full length, one after the other, both with an outstretched hand that hovers inches away.
"Makes you realise how lucky we are, doesn't it?" Gillian whispers when they turn to go back.
Caroline stops a moment before she responds. "Yes, it does."
They make their way through the German countryside and it takes them only a couple of nights to reach Munich airport. The next flight with available seats is to Venice and doesn't leave until the following morning.
"Come on," Caroline says, nodding toward the hotel opposite. "We need to get a room."
She'd been funny since Berlin Wall and they don't spend long at the dinner table, arriving back early. Caroline bids her 'goodnight' almost immediately and switches off her night light. She turns away and though Gillian isn't foolish enough to think for a moment that Caroline is sleeping, she switches her light off too, playing along with the charade. She can see Caroline's silhouette and in a matter of minutes, her shoulders begin to shake. Gillian wordlessly gets up from her own bed and crosses to Caroline's, sitting on the edge of the mattress.
"I know I'm lucky," Caroline murmurs the moment Gillian touches her arm. "But, I still miss Kate…"
Gillian hushes Caroline and is startled when she sits up in a flash, pulling Gillian towards her. Gillian adjusts herself so Caroline can lie down again, her head in her lap. She runs her fingers through Caroline's hair and waits until her breathing has steadied before she gingerly tries to lift Caroline enough so she can slide out. To her disbelief, Caroline moves back, leaving plenty of space in front of her, a silent invitation.
"I don't want anything like that," Caroline whispers. "I promise I don't. I just…"
Gillian wordlessly slips in, surprised when Caroline's arms wrap around her and draw her close. It's been a very, very long time since Gillian's slept with anyone for any purpose other than sex and she realises that she rather likes it, that it makes her feel safe and secure.
Both fall asleep almost immediately.
When she wakes, she finds that Caroline has already risen and she turns around from the kitchenette bench, holding up two paper cups of tea.
"How do you feel?" she asks.
Gillian sits up, feeling the most rested she has in what seems like years. "Good," she answers truthfully. "You?" she continues as Caroline crosses the room, passes her a steaming cup.
"Good."
Caroline sits on the opposite bed, glances downward. "I'm sorry about last night," she says finally, looking up again.
Gillian waves a dismissive hand. "Forget about it." She pauses briefly, a smirk pulling at her lips.
Caroline raises a quizzical eyebrow as she takes a sip from her cup.
"You're the first woman I've slept with, you know."
Caroline chokes on her tea.
"Christ, Gillian!" she sputters between coughing.
Gillian can't bring herself to feel repentant and gives a puckish grin. "Sorry, couldn't resist."
Caroline looks aghast for a moment before bursting out laughing.
They arrive in Venice that afternoon and though Gillian can appreciate the beauty of her surroundings, the smell from the water canals make her feel ill. That's what she tells Caroline anyway. Caroline doesn't seem to mind when she asks to find somewhere to stay early and they catch a cab until they find a place a good three streets away from the canals.
Gillian hadn't been good with rivers or streams or anything similar for a very long time.
She tries to remain cheerful, tries to help maintain the grin that had been easier than usual to pull from Caroline since that morning.
"Are you sure you're all right?" Caroline queries as they eat that evening.
"I'd tell you if I wasn't," Gillian lies.
They finish dinner quickly and after a short walk, go back to their room. Gillian is desperate to hide her current state from Caroline and smiles as necessary, answers when necessary and doesn't turn her light off until after Caroline. After all, this trip was for Caroline, not for herself. It would be selfish to draw attention away.
Of course, her dreams do nothing to obey.
A Venice canal with a smiling tour guide turns into a field stream and Eddie. He slams her onto her knees, curves her back roughly forward until she feels her spine might break as he holds her head beneath the running water. He pulls her up for a second, laughing in cruel delight, only to push her down again.
Again and again and again.
She loses count of how many times he pushes her under. Until…
"Gillian!"
A voice breaks through and she realises her arms are flailing, her knuckles clenched into fists. Caroline stands a foot-or-so back, holding up one placatory hand.
"Gillian, it's me. You're safe," Caroline whispers as she takes a hesitant step forward.
Guilt surges through Gillian as she realises she had likely thrown a punch. She tries to force herself to relax and sinks into the mattress, stares at the ceiling. But her pulse is racing and she's breathing as if she'd just run a mile. Caroline doesn't hesitate to slide in beside her and Gillian finds herself rolling onto her side so her forehead rests against Caroline's chest, craving that sense of safety.
Caroline holds her tight, presses her lips against her forehead.
For the second night in a row, they both sleep the best they have in months.
Caroline seems to take charge a little more the following day and by noon they've got themselves another hire car and are stopped in a computer café. Caroline types a quick document and Gillian's eyes open widely as she sees the title.
Application for Extended Leave.
"Caroline," she says quickly. "Don't feel you have to…"
Caroline raises a finger. "It's been three weeks. I need to get this application in now." She hits 'send' before Gillian even has a second to question her further. "They'll say 'yes'," Caroline continues, pushing a plate of pastries towards Gillian. "As I've said before, they don't really want me there."
Gillian tears away a crust, takes a bite. "That doesn't seem right."
A shrug from Caroline. "Even now, the private sector isn't fond of lesbians."
Gillian shakes her head in disgust. "More fool them."
They both love Rome and stay a full week. The longest they've stayed in one place.
Caroline grabs one of Gillian's postcards so she can write her own. To who, Gillian isn't sure. Celia, Lawrence, William or John. "You don't mind if-?" Caroline asks before she puts pen to paper.
"Of course not."
They send their postcards together. Maybe they'll arrive at their destination on the same day.
Dear dad,
We're in Italy and after we had a minor mishap, we're having a good time.
Not quite sure where we're going next. Caroline's decision.
Love to all,
Gillian.
"You have got to be kidding me," are the first words from Caroline's mouth when she opens the shopping bag Gillian had brought back from the Athens market.
"We deserve a day on the beach," Gillian says.
"In this?" Caroline retorts, holding up a royal blue bathing suit.
"In that," Gillian affirms. She holds up her own, a similar style in a bright red. "And this is mine. Get going."
Caroline has no chance to object as she ducks into the bathroom and changes. Her own swimsuit fits well and she grabs a towel that she wraps around her waist before going back into the bedroom. Caroline's also changed and has draped a sun jacket around her shoulders and covered her lower half with a towel.
"I can't believe I'm agreeing to this," she mutters, following Gillian into the street.
"That's why I'm here," Gillian says as they walk the short, downhill road to the beach. "Get you out of your comfort zone." A pause. "Didn't you tell me I needed more confidence?
"That's different…" Caroline begins.
"I don't see how," Gillian interrupts.
Perhaps Caroline knows it might be futile because she doesn't try to argue.
They spend the day alternating between the ocean and the umbrella-covered sun-lounges. Years of farm work ensure that Gillian turns a nice tan. However, Caroline's pale skin goes bright pink with sunburn. She winces as they go back to the hotel, stopping at a corner store to buy a huge tube of aloe vera gel. Caroline heads immediately to the shower and re-emerges in a hotel bathrobe, sitting down to apply the gel to her skin.
"I can do your back if you'd like," Gillian offers.
Caroline wordlessly gives her the tube and lets her robe fall down, exposing her back to view. She hadn't bothered with her pyjama top just yet and sits in a pair of cotton shorts, hunched forward as she crosses her arms to hide her chest. A sigh of relief escapes from Caroline's lips as Gillian empties a line of gel across her back and begins to move her hands. She slides them over her shoulder blades, down the length of her spine, to the small of her back, up again. Caroline's head falls down in contentment as Gillian applies more gel, moves up to her neck, along her shoulders, back down.
"Thank you," Caroline whispers.
"You're welcome," Gillian mutters as she gets to her feet. "I'd better-" Her words trail to nothing as she rushes into the bathroom, barely registering Caroline's assurances that she'll call room service. She turns on the shower and doesn't wait until the water is warm before stepping beneath. She reaches between her legs before she even fully realises what it is she's doing. She takes much longer than usual and enters clad in a nightgown, towelling off her hair.
Room service has been and gone and Caroline sits with the television on, watching the latest news. She turns her head. "I just ordered the specials," she tells Gillian. "Hope that's-"
Caroline stops mid-sentence, her mouth falling ajar. Gillian can feel the heat rising in her cheeks as realisation crosses Caroline's face.
"Gillian-?" she manages finally.
"Special's fine, Caroline," she says quickly. She sits down on her own bed and pulls away the cover from the plate.
A nod, maybe even a tiny smile. "I'm glad."
A full day in and out of the water mean they're both physically exhausted and the two sleep for well over ten hours.
Caroline gets the official news her leave has been extended and the two go to a particularly good restaurant to celebrate. Gillian splurges on a nice dress that fits snugly, flows around her legs in Marilyn Munroe fashion. Though Caroline's is a touch more formal, she looks stunning and Gillian can see the various eyes following her as the waiter leads them to their table.
"You've got yourself some admirers," Gillian comments after they've settled themselves into their seats and ordered a bottle of wine.
Caroline laughs. "I was going to say the same thing about you."
Dear dad,
We're having fun.
Athens is great.
Love,
Gillian.
From Greece, they head to Malta.
Both are doing well when circumstances change in dramatic fashion and the step Caroline has taken forward, gets pushed back tenfold. It's just after dusk; there's even a bit of orange glow still in the sky and they judge it safe enough to walk back to their hotel.
How wrong they are.
They're less than a block away when a man rushes out of an alleyway and slams into Gillian, sending her the ground. Caroline screams as he smashes a foot into Gillian's stomach, then another, knocking the breath from her lungs. Gillian curls in for a moment, gasping for air but forces herself up, wanting to help Caroline.
"Two for one," the man leers, now sending a punch into Caroline's ribcage.
Anger rises in Gillian as she staggers to her feet and glances around searching for something, anything to use to defend them. Her eyes fall on a picket fence and she wrenches a rail from the frame, raising it up and smacking it against the man's skull as he leans over Caroline who has since fallen to the pavement. He's not knocked unconscious but he is unsteady and Gillian has time to pull Caroline to her feet. Together, they sprint the short distance to the hotel and rush inside, slamming the door to their room behind them.
Gillian dashes to the bathroom and heaves her stomach into the sink, too many memories running through her mind to cope with at the moment. Caroline appears a second later and vomits into the toilet. She seems to steady quicker than Gillian and steers her toward the shower.
"In you get."
Caroline's face is swollen slightly on one side, evidence she'd been struck and Gillian reaches forward to touch her jawline.
"I'm sorry," she breathes. "If I'd been quicker…"
Caroline shakes her head, repeats 'in you get', nudges her again. She leaves the room, telling Gillian she'll be right outside if she needs her and, slowly, Gillian strips. She tosses her clothes into a pile that can be thrown out the next morning. She turns on the tap and steps in, letting the water jet against her skin, noting the heavy, purple bruises that are already beginning to form.
She looks much the same she did so often all those years ago.
She scrubs too hard but knows that Caroline also needs to wash so wants to get done quickly. She emerges in only a towel as she always leaves her nightgown beneath her pillow. Caroline offers a small smile, another silent reassurance before disappearing from sight. Gillian lets the towel fall to the floor once she hears the shower running, not that she'd really care if anyone saw her right now. She slips her gown over her head and sits in the centre of the bed, then shuffles up to lean against the headboard, crossing her ankles.
Caroline finishes and seems to think the same as Gillian because she simply dries and then dresses. Gillian sees Caroline is shaking slightly as the adrenalin rush ebbs and steps to her feet, pulls across the covers to Caroline's bed, gestures for her to get inside.
"Can you… as well," Caroline whispers.
Gillian glances up, thinking that she wants nothing more than to feel that sense of security.
"Please?"
It's a question, not a demand and Gillian slides under, never-more-grateful in her life when Caroline follows moments afterward. She folds herself around Gillian's body, rests her chin atop her head. Tiredness overwhelms them both and Gillian nearly misses Caroline's next words.
"I was scared."
Gillian reaches down, squeezes one of Caroline's hands. "Me too."
They don't bother with any more Maltese sites. Instead, they head again to the airport. Caroline buys a headscarf to hide the bruise on her face while Gillian gets their next tickets.
Caroline takes her hand aboard the plane and doesn't let go for the rest of the flight.
Dear dad,
Neither of us are fond of Malta.
We're headed to Barcelona.
Love,
Gillian.
Gillian has always been the mistress of hiding her emotions and sees straight through Caroline's attempts. They're staying in a good hotel, one with an incredible view and are eating dinner on the veranda when Caroline blurts out.
"How did you put up with it for so long? With Eddie?"
Putting up with the elusive 'it'. With Eddie.
A bitter laugh. "Remember that I broke in one hell of a way."
Caroline concedes her point with a nod. "True."
Gillian takes a bite of food, not really tasting anything. They're able to sit comfortably in silence, have been able to for a long time and watch the sun set in spectacular fashion.
"Robbie knew," she says after swallowing another mouthful. "He told me he knew about it."
Caroline's eyes widen. "About how Eddie-?"
A nod. "Yup."
"That's why the two of you split?"
Another nod. "Yup."
Caroline exhales a heavy breath. "I'm so sorry, Gillian."
Gillian pushes her half-finished meal away, appetite gone. Caroline silently gathers both their plates and cutlery, putting them to the edge of the table. Room service can pick it up the next morning. The sky is very dark now, a sharp contrast to the hundreds of lights from the streets. Gillian stares out without seeing and lets Caroline tug her to her feet. Her body begins to tremble as Caroline leads her to the bed.
"He must have loved Eddie a lot more than he loved me," Gillian whispers. "For him not to say anything."
They hadn't even bothered to book separate beds and wordlessly get beneath the covers.
Caroline wraps her arms around Gillian. She holds Caroline's hand tightly and pulls it up, presses a kiss to her knuckles.
"You don't like the beach," Gillian says in confusion the following morning when Caroline steps from the bathroom clad in her blue bathing suit.
"Correction," Caroline disagrees. "I don't like getting sunburned. Hence…" She holds up a bottle of sunscreen.
Despite herself, Gillian chuckles. "Good idea."
Caroline busies herself gathering their towels, sunglasses and other essentials. Gillian changes into her own swimsuit.
The sunscreen works reasonably well and Caroline is only the palest shade of pink when they get back that afternoon. They decide to branch out from room service, though neither is quite ready to venture further than the restaurant right next to the hotel. Caroline covers her sunburn with a light cover of foundation; Gillian, as is often, doesn't bother with anything more than a hair flick and mascara application.
Caroline's facial bruise is gone now though Gillian finds that her eyes often fall to where it had been. Part of her knows she'll always feel guilty.
They eat, drink and are in good spirits when they go back upstairs. Gillian's laughing at a joke Caroline's told when she touches her waist from behind. She freezes but doesn't protest as Caroline wordlessly slides her jacket from her shoulders, places it on the bedside table. She finds she still can't really move, not properly just yet but her eyes close as Caroline pushes her hair to one side, kisses her neck.
"I can stop if…" Caroline murmurs.
Gillian turns around and reaches up so she can pull Caroline's face down. "Please, don't."
They don't sleep a great deal that night.
Dear Dad,
We both love Barcelona. The lights are beautiful.
Love,
Gillian.
Barcelona is always going to have a special place in her heart but Gillian knows that they should keep moving. After a few more days, they finally catch a bus to a nearby country town and enter a tiny bed and breakfast. The owner looks from Gillian, to Caroline and back again as she asks for one bedroom and his expression turns to one of delighted comprehension.
He winks as he gives her the key. "Enjoy yourselves, ladies."
Over Gillian's shoulder, Caroline says. "Oh, we will."
Gillian flushes.
More nights and towns pass and Caroline frowns as she glances across the room and sees the calendar.
"What's wrong?" Gillian asks.
"I really do have to get back soon," Caroline replies softly. "I should have told you earlier. My extended leave is nearly up." She stabs moodily at the piece of cake they're sharing. "I should have asked for longer."
Gillian feels her heart sink a little but tries to think like an adult. "Then we have to go," she says. She takes out a map from her bag and skims her eyes across. "We can get to Madrid easily."
Caroline sighs. "I don't really want to," she admits. "I've loved…" She gestures between them. "Loved this. I love…"
Gillian smiles as Caroline's extensive vocabulary seems to elude her.
"I do, too, Caroline."
Maybe it's fate because the next available flight from Madrid is to London.
Dear Dad,
Can't wait to see you soon.
Love to everyone,
Gillian.
The Land Rover looks bent and battered compared to the sleek hire cars they'd become accustomed to. But there's a sense of 'home' when she and Caroline get inside. They've got a few more bags than when they started and the back area is a touch more crammed. Still, there's plenty of room and Caroline slides her seat back to give herself more leg space.
After a few minutes driving, Caroline breaks the relaxed silence with a laugh. "How on earth are we going to explain this?"
Gillian finds a smile pulling at her lips, imagining her father's, Celia's, everyone's reaction. "It could be a bit difficult," she admits.
Caroline looks at her, eyes firm. "I don't care. I don't care what they think."
Gillian grins properly. "No, neither do I."
This time, they do stop at Oxford to visit Caroline's university friends. A flash restaurant is suggested for lunch and Gillian hesitates, that old feeling of insecurity rising.
"Caroline, I'm sure they want to speak to you, not to me…"
A battered flannel shirt is thrown in her direction from behind. She turns around to find Caroline wearing one as well, though admits that her jeans probably are designer.
"I'd love you to come with me," she says softly. "More people should meet you."
All of the university friends comment on how 'very well' Caroline looks. That this idea of Gillian's had been brilliant.
They spend their final night on the road in the same town as their first. The receptionist seems to remember them and doesn't even attempt to try to hide her smile when Gillian books a room, asking for a queen-sized bed.
"Let's just go to the pub tonight," Caroline says when they get inside. "We can catch a cab back."
They drink a touch more than they should and arrive back after midnight. Both are laughing as Gillian reaches out to unbutton Caroline's blouse.
"Shall I-?" she breathes, letting the blouse fall open, reaching further around and up Caroline's back to unclasp her bra.
Caroline takes a step back, far enough to hurl them both to the ground before yanking Gillian forward, fingers pulling at the zip of her dress.
Gillian trails her tongue along Caroline's clavicle.
They don't wake up until well past ten.
The drive to Caroline's house seems to go far too quickly even if it does take several hours. It's late afternoon when they pull into Caroline's driveway and park next to her Jeep. Gillian turns off the ignition but neither move.
Neither really want to move.
Finally, Caroline opens her door and Gillian does the same. They leave their bags in the car and head to the bungalow. Caroline knocks clearly and they can hear her father and Celia making their way down the hallway.
A second before the door opens, Caroline reaches out and pulls her close, not letting her go.
Celia's eyes widen in delight and her mouth breaks into a huge smile when they land on Caroline. One that falters when they move from Caroline then down to their clasped hands.
"Caroline, what…?" is all she manages as realisation dawns.
Her father doesn't seem to notice the vice-grip they have on each other as he moves past Celia and flings himself around Gillian.
"I'm glad to see you, love," he says, embracing her tightly.
Celia's hugging Caroline now as well, happy to see her daughter.
As expected, it's very difficult to explain and there are looks of incredulity from across the table.
"You and Caroline?" her father says.
"Yes."
"What are you both going to do now?" Celia adds.
They're sitting side-by-side and glance towards each other.
"We're not exactly sure," admits Caroline. "We'll-"
A pause.
"We'll take it one step at a time," Gillian finishes.
Author's notes: I got a little bit of fluff in there, even if it nearly killed me. Lol.
Hope you enjoyed. Probably taking a break from writing for a bit. This doesn't mean I've stopped, it means I need to get going with my post-grad work. lol.
Please review.