Title Quote:
"We are, but not from him."
Jonothor Darry, A Feast for Crows
Are you not knights?
Jaime could not get the accusation out of his head. It burned. There had only ever been two things he had longed for. Knighthood and Cersei. Now he stood a member of the greatest order of knight's in the known world, but the ideal of a true knight had never felt farther. And Cersei was lost to him.
What had they been thinking? Jaime thought back to the time he was just a squire. When they had routed the Kingswood Brotherhood the world had shown such promise. Arthur and him had stood in for all that was good in the world, rescued princess Elia and her handmaidens and killed true beasts like the Smiling Knight.
Now he was guarding a beast just like that. Queen Rhaella cried once more behind his back and Jaime wished himself far away. The king was especially vigorous today. Well, at least the man had not started a war. Even Jaime, lacking in politics as he was, had understood the dangers of trying to burn the Warden of the North.
Seeing Rickard Stark fight had been a vision. The way that Lord Stark moved as he dispatched the three pyromancers after dropping a few feet in heavy armor had been graceful and swift without a single wasted movement. He did not brandish his weapons like a sell sword lacking formal training, nor did he fight with the flourish common to the style of knights.
Rickard Stark had moved like a predator and fought with ruthless efficiency. Jaime would have gladly fought him in a Trial by Combat even if he thought he might have lost. Against such an opponent there would not have been shame in defeat.
Maybe it would have even prompted his release from the Kingsguard. The irony, that Jaime tried to find an escape to the oath of a lifetime after less than a year. Maybe he should have just married Lysa Tully.
But Cersei would have been lost to him if he had married the younger Tully sister. For Cersei to be his and for him to be hers, that was what Jaime had always wanted. Now it was the only thing that Jaime wanted. Knighthood had lost its luster. But Jaime knew, Cersei would never be satisfied with only him. For Jaime, though, it would be everything.
The sobbing behind Jaime's back continued even after Aerys had finished with his last grunts. Ser Gerold shadowed the king after Aerys left his chambers, leaving Jaime to guard the door and the Queen on his own. And once more Jaime was alone with only anguished cries to accompany him.
But suddenly the crying stopped. The silence was something different, something new compared to all the times before. After a short fashion Queen Rhaella bid Jaime to enter after the tears had stopped. Usually she would wait a few hours and only invite trusted maids to help her when her wounds had dried completely.
Rhaella Targaryen sat with her back to Jaime as he entered, bleeding wounds and old scars crisscrossing on her pale skin.
In the name of the Maiden I charge you to protect all women.
Are you not knights?
It burned, the shame, and Jaime had to avert his eyes.
The queen was the first to speak before Jaime could find his words again.
"I am sorry to force my appearance on you in this state, Ser Jaime, but cloth on my back would hurt me right now and I have urgent need of information."
"My queen. It is not to your shame that you are forced to bear these marks. It is to mine."
While the queen spoke with measured, tranquil words, Jaime knew his to ring hollow. He forced himself to look up again. He would not avert his eyes any longer. The queen turned, her full body on display for Jaime to see.
Queen Rhaella was a beautiful woman with the typical extraordinary Valyrian features but her sight could not arouse Jaime right now. A slender neck marred by a purple bruise from choking on two sides. Jaime could make out the shape of the king's fingers. On her high cheek the mark of a heavy slap. A trail of blood flowing from her delicate nose. More scratches from the king's nails across her tout belly. Her breasts were full and voluminous despite her many pregnancies but discolored in old yellow and new purple marks. Her left nipple, rosy like a peach, was encircled by a bitemark. There were more on her shoulders as well. Her sex and her legs were concealed with a silken cover, but Jaime could see the sheet trembling. He felt bile rise in his throat as he kept his eyes on hers.
"Even Ser Hightower averts his eyes. I am sorry my husband forced you into this position, Ser Jaime."
This was something that Jaime could take pride in. Ser Hightower. Ser Darry. Ser Dayne. Ser Whent. Ser Selmy. Ser Lewyn. Ser Jaime. Only him and one of his brothers was truly in the good graces of the queen, and princess Elia.
"It was a foolish dream of a foolish boy, my queen. Your husband never forced me. There are times I feel honored beyond compare still."
The queen looked upon him with pity.
"I see your mother in you, Ser Jaime, and I feel I have failed my old friend. You have great kindness in you, just like she did. I thought your father taught you in politics instead. I was not aware you were to be named to the Kingsguard last year. Tell me, why did you not refuse? You were your father's heir."
The queen rose as she spoke, to find a backless dress. In her chambers Queen Rhaella usually left her wounds uncovered. Jaime knew the touch of fabric stung on fresh wounds. His mother Joanna had oft spoken of the fondness between her and the queen. Now Jaime's and the queen's talk was a welcome distraction from his duties. The queen she wanted to know something, but this was not it. This question was just to pass the time before matters of importance came to light.
The queen found a cream-colored dress do wear over her smallclothes that left her back free. She picked out a silken mantle and a veil to cover herself later. Before she moved to put any of her clothes on she sat down in front of Jaime with a small jar of salve she picked from a shelf on her night stand and a small basin filled with citrus water and wine in which a small piece of cloth swam. Jaime wordlessly picked it up and carefully wiped the wounds on his queen's back clean. Then the words flowed out of his mouth.
"My father was not aware of my plans to join the Kingsguard. Only Cersei knew. I was so happy when I told her. And she was happy with me. For me. All boys dream of joining the Kingsguard one day. I was going to be the youngest to ever join this fabled order. Someday, I was going to be the greatest.
"Now I don't know if you can even be a great Kingsguard. But at Harrenhal, when the king asked me to say my vows, I only saw the honor I would have. Then he sent me away as soon as I rose a Kingsguard and my father had left King's Landing before I got here, taking my sister away with him. I have not heard from them since."
Father was surely disappointed. Jaime had received no answers to any of his ravens. The wounds on the queen's back had stopped bleeding and he started cleaning the edges with the damp cloth as she started to answer him.
"Oh, you fool boy. Aerys never meant to honor you. He named you Kingsguard solely to deprive your father of his heir. You are the hostage he uses to keep your father in line, for Tywin is the one that Aerys is most afraid of in this realm."
Jaime stilled. He had expected it, of course he had. But his brothers never let him believe he was any less a Kingsguard than they and he forced himself away from the depressing thoughts that his naming to the Kingsguard was not because of his skill with the sword and his honor. The queen shattered the last vestiges of the illusion and while Jaime could have been resentful, there was something liberating about finally, really knowing. He looked to the kind queen Rhaella. Someone worthy of knights.
"My queen. Thank you for opening my eyes. You would do me honor if I could be your Kingsguard."
The queen laughed, freely. Jaime had not heard it before. Joy overcame him at eliciting such a response from the great woman. He made to apply the cool salve as the queen stopped laughing and spoke again.
"You truly are your mother's son. You do me an honor, Jaime. I accept your loyalty. Have you seen the lines drawn within the Kingsguard yet?"
Jaime knew what she was speaking of, but only knew half the answers. The conflict between the king and the crown prince had been coming for a long time and today Aerys had lit the spark. He thought over what he knew once more and laid out what he knew of where the loyalties of the Kingsguard had fallen.
"Ser Jonothor is loyal to the king above all. Ser Arthur to prince Rhaegar and Ser Lewyn to the princess. I do not know where the other three stand. But Ser Oswell left with the prince, so I guess he is backing him now."
"Your insight suffices. The other Kingsguards are more complicated than Ser Darry, Ser Dayne and Ser Lewyn. Ser Whent has more depths as well", the Queen replied, before filling Jaime in on the details of the current order.
"Let's start with Ser Selmy. He has trained the prince as his squire, but he is loyal to the ideals of the order. He will serve the king even if he wishes for that king to be Rhaegar. Ser Oswell is not acting independently. He is beholden to Ser Hightower, whom he squired under. Ser Hightower wishes to serve a worthy king and he was loyal to Aerys while Aerys was such a king.
"After Duskendale Ser Hightower had pivoted to Rhaegar and brought Ser Whent with him in the fold. My husband does not know this, as Ser Hightower only interacts with Rhaegar through Ser Whent. He has always been inattentive to the ties that bind people. Ser Hightower and Ser Whent had a very publicly a falling out as you know. Too publicly, but not enough people spend enough time with the two to know them well enough.
"I do however believe that with Rhaegar's conduct at Harrenhal and his recent folly Ser Hightower's allegiance may shift to Aerys again, as long as my husband does not grow more volatile."
Jaime could see it now. The disagreement between Ser Oswell and Ser Gerold had always sat ill with Jaime. Oswell had humiliated his teacher in the sparring yard half a year back. A feat only possible because Ser Oswell could only just best his former master now, as Ser Gerold was still suffering from the crossbow wound inflicted in the fight against the Kingswood Brotherhood. The injury still reduced Ser Gerold's range of motion now.
The fight would have been very uncharacteristic for the two men had it happened but three months prior to the event, almost unthinkable. But suddenly and without explanation the mood between the Ser Oswell and Ser Gerold had grown sour. Jaime was not sure if he should be happy two of his brothers were not truly at odds like they seemed or if he should be angry that they deceived him and their other brothers to such an extent.
Before he could make a decision on that, however, his queen continued to speak.
"There are other fault lines that are more important, Ser Jaime. These run through the realm. Had Lord Stark burned today, we would have an open rebellion tomorrow. The king cannot execute a lord paramount in this manner without retribution. I do not know how many kingdoms would have risen against us. Luckily, Lord Stark survived.
"Unluckily, the wolf proved abler at the game than everyone suspected. At the moment he has the ear of our king and men in that position can deal large amount of damage to us all. Which is why I do not have time to recuperate. I must speak with Lord Stark at once, preferably before the feast tonight. Do you know where I can find him?"
Jaime flinched at the mention of Lord Stark.
Are you not knights?
The queen noticed him freezing as she stepped into her dress, her mantle and veil before her. Rhaella Targaryen looked at him then, waiting for Jaime to speak. He did so in a whisper and with clipped breaths between his words.
"During the king's... visit to your chambers today, princess Elia and Lord Stark passed through the corridor. They have not returned from the princess' quarters since."
The eyes of the queen widened slightly in surprise before she regained control over them. It was uncanny at times, watching these people so trained in their courtly games that it bled into their true persona. The queen turned away from veil and mantle, her injuries on full display as she went towards the entrance of the room. Jaime swiftly walked past her and opened the door for her.
Together they walked to the rooms of Princess Elia. Ser Barristan had left his post at the corridor, probably to guard the king once more. Queen Rhaella stopped right at Elia's doorsill and turned towards Jaime.
"I had not expected to step in front of Lord Stark like this. I can bear that ordeal; I do not believe him to tell on me to the court and this look will be disarming to him. I do not, however, need to show my face in this condition to princess Elia's handmaidens. Tell them to leave through the servants' passages, Ser Jaime."
So Jaime did. He knocked on the door and stepped into the room once the princess bid him enter. Lord Stark and Princess Elia stilled in their conversation at his entrance, goblets of Dornish Red in their hands. He bade Lady Lemonwood and Qorgyle to exit through other ways and announced his queen before he opened the door for her.
When she entered Queen Rhaella Targaryen looked more regal and imposing then all the kings and princes of the world combined.