The pleasantly calm atmosphere of an average Parisian day, during which Marinette Dupain-Cheng had been searching out Andre's ice cream cart for some sugary comfort, was broken by the apoplectic crowing of a very familiar pair of voices.
After having split up, however amicably, from Luka due to her, well, being completely and totally not over Adrien and melancholic over his relationship with Kagami, which was made worse by the flares of strangely directionless jealousy whenever she had one of her orange juice meetups with the Japanese fencer who was so adorable when she gushed over the boy, Marinette had needed a creamy-sweet pick-me-up.
Acrimonious outrage appeared to be on the menu.
There, standing before Andre as he grinned far too widely, eyes locked on Marinette to plead for her assistance like someone being held hostage while he edged his cart away, were Adrien and Kagami.
Face like a burst, overripe tomato, split with a grimace that revealed her teeth, the jagged vertebrae of a spinal column splayed open by a hideous gash, the girl was snarling into Adrien's face, finger jabbing his chest aggressively.
"Your ignorance is truly astounding, Adrien!" Never before had Marinette imagined that Kagami's seemingly placid demeanour could rupture so violently outside of an akumatization, and the open-mouthed shock of it had her frozen in place.
"Well I can't believe how ridiculous you're being about this whole thing!" Adrien retorted, his arms thrown to the air.
"The only thing 'ridiculous,'" came the derisive retort, "is your opinion on the matter."
What on Earth was going on?
"I've seen it with my own eyes." A wild, almost feral animalism had twisted his body, making him seem smaller and larger at once. "I know what I'm talking about!"
"Then it's a wonder you even know where you are at the moment if you're that blind."
There was some ugly little corner of her mind that whispered in the voice of Lila Rossi that she should twist this situation to her advantage. Hurt both of them, break up their relationship, take Adrien for herself and then dump him to make him feel completely alone in the world.
Screw that.
Only in some vile, perverse alternate reality wherein she was a revolting parody of herself would she succumb to such a spiteful impulse and try to hurt her friends deliberately. Probably the same alternate universe in which Chat Noir was some kind of sexual predator – rather than her occasionally petulant goofball of a partner who'd die rather than see her get hurt, let alone hurt her himself – and his increasingly violent unwanted advances forced her to take his miraculous away.
As if any of that would ever happen.
So, setting aside her feelings for Adrien for a moment, she stormed into the scene.
"Hey!" she cried while jogging towards them.
The pair yipped and swung towards her, Andre taking the chance to hightail it out of there.
When properly motivated, the jovial man could really book it. Marinette was actually kind of impressed.
Making a note to ask Andre about his exercise regime when next she saw him, she butted into the few inches of space between the fencers, forcing the bickering teens to part like the red sea for Moses because Out of the way you gorgeous, rich, socially-awkward dorks; I'm Ladybug and I have had it up to here with your crap!
"That's enough, both of you!" A sharp jerk of her hand called a permanent end to their sparring match and had them both nearly cowering back from each other.
"I don't know what this is about, but this kind of thing is not a healthy way to deal with your relationship problems," she seethed, trying to mingle the tone of voice that her mother used to chastise her with her own brand of Ladybug confidence.
The tightening of Adrien's lips into a browbeaten grimace and Kagami deflating like a burst balloon, the dying pop of her anger nearly audible, assured Marinette that she'd hit the mark.
And after all, Marinette was all about dealing with problems in healthy ways.
How many cell phones had she stolen, again?
That's right. Only one: Adrien's.
Eight times.
Perfectly healthy.
Bet you can't steal just one.
"Now, I'm not going to say that you should apologize to one another." That assurance seemed to mollify both of the other teens, as did the shift from 'disappointed' Marinette to her 'Ladybug laying down the law' voice. "That has to be real and sincere for it to mean anything, but if there's something wrong, you should talk it out calmly. If you can't do that, you need to take a little bit of time apart to settle down and then talk about it."
Wow. Marinette was kind of impressing herself. Class representatives ... represent. You go, girl, her mental Alya encouraged. Thank you, Alya, she shot back.
"But, Mari," Adrien whined, turning to her with the plaintive expression of an uncomprehending puppy that she'd just beaten like an inhuman monster. It nearly broke her down into a stuttering, simpering mess, ready to toss herself in the Seine, hot garbage that she was, which would probably cause the river to boil with how her blush flamed, creating a steamy fog hazard that would cover the entire city because she'd imagined him calling her 'Mari' before using pretty much the exact same tone but in a completely different kind of situation and it was as blistering as she'd thought it would be.
Thirsty-guilt or guilty-thirst.
Not an unfamiliar feeling.
"This is important," he insisted, eyelids fluttering in an effort to stop her heart.
But it was important. Too important to let a heart-attack impede her.
"That's all the more reason that you should sit down and talk things out rationally."
Kagami sneered. "I am perfectly capable of doing that, but Adrien seems-"
"Kagami!" Marinette growled, cowing the other girl immediately as she suddenly looked like one of those waifish school girls from a really sexist harem anime where all the love interests were doe-eyed and submissive.
In other words, not Ladybugs or Dragons.
"Now, sit down over there." The smooth order was accompanied by a gesture towards one of the nearby park benches. With only a few grumbles, the other two teens slunk their way over to the seat and settled, as far from each other as they could, while Marinette took up a position before them, looking from one forlorn fabulous fencer to the next.
"Now, what is this about?" she asked, wagging a finger.
"Adrien and I are having a disagreement over our respective values," Kagami huffed, arms folded up as if she was trying to hug herself for comfort and look aggrieved at the same time which was really rather a cute little melange.
Vague, but enough for Marinette to work with.
"Every couple is going to have disagreements about the things they think are right or important, but you have to ask yourself if what you're arguing over is a deal-breaker or if its something that you can work though."
To lessen the power imbalance and bridge the gap both metaphorically and literally, she settled into the spot between the two other teens. Yes, butting her shoulder against Adrien's body was ... difficult because he was touching her and she really wanted him to... touch her, but she steeled herself. This certainly wasn't the time for those kinds of thoughts. Strangely, the distance between them seemed to be closing, in part, perhaps, because Kagami was scooting closer to her.
She must have been in danger of getting pushed off the edge of the bench.
Out of consideration for both of them, Marinette tried to make herself as small as possible, but it really didn't seem to alleviate the problem or the warmth that was building up where both fencers' respective shoulder smooshed up into her own, creating a Marinette sandwich with fencer bread.
That was one artisanal dish that would sell out in seconds if they found a way to package and market it at the bakery.
Best to wash it down with lots of water.
As Marinette could attest, that kind of sandwich left you feeling very thirsty.
"It is very important to both of us," Kagami continued, the angle of her gaze and softness of her eyes making it seem like she was looking to Marinette for approval.
"Okay," Marinette soothed in response, throat nearly closing up. Kagami was pretty dangerous with those sad kitten eyes. Adrien was a good teacher and a bad influence. Kitten eyes were a powerful weapon if they worked just as effectively for Kagami as they did for the boy on whom she had a crush. Who knew she could wield them with such deadly efficiency? "But that doesn't answer the question. Is this ... whatever it is critical to your relationship?"
Adrien shrugged against her shoulder, drawing her attention to him as he rubbed his neck and spoke. Anxiety warped his voice.
"It could be- well... It's more like it's a matter of taste."
"Taste?" Marinette exclaimed. "Were you arguing over ice cream?"
"No!" both teens cried with very nearly the exact same level of volume and anguish, jerking up to stare at her before glancing at each other over Marinette's lap.
At Kagami's nod, Adrien continued for both of them, chin to his chest as he sank under Marinette's still-hardened glare.
"We'd never fight over something so silly. We just have... different priorities." He nodded as if satisfied. "That's it."
"Well then, are those priorities vital?" Marinette pressed, putting one hand to Kagami's skirted-knee and one to Adrien's thigh.
Why was the hint of pale olive flesh exposed by the edge of Kagami's school uniform so scalding hot that it nearly burnt the lone finger that had strayed just beyond the safe, friendly zone of the school girl's plaid, pleated skirt? Maybe she had a fever. Regardless, Ladybug had job to do.
"Are they the most important thing?"
A little tremulous sigh burst from Kagami's mouth as she favoured Adrien with a softening smile. "No. We agree on that, at least."
"Okay. That's something," Marinette granted. The relief and that pesky ... omni-directional jealousy warred in her heart, the pitched battle raging seemingly without end as the two teens gazed at each other so softly. "There has to be room for differences in relationships. You're never going to agree on everything, but you need to agree on those that you think are essential."
A furious blush of embarrassment burst over Adrien's cheeks and throat, highlighted by the paleness of his skin. He chuckled awkwardly. "I- it's just that we're both so passionate about it that ... I guess we lost sight of what really matters."
"Indeed," Kagami affirmed after a moment's thought, reaching out to take Adrien's hand, the pair meeting over Marinette's lap, and she was both happy for them and consumed with the desire to cry. She had to be strong for them, though. "We must do better to keep in mind all of the most important things on which we do agree."
Curiosity got to her though as the pair stood, sliding into a slow and tentative reconciliatory hug.
That sort of thing only killed cats and did not result in Ladybugs getting stepped on, so it should be alright.
"By the way," she began slowly, trying not to sound too interested even though she really, really was, "what exactly were you discussing?"
"Oh, we were comparing our top ten lists, and we got stuck on numbers two and three, but you're right. So long as we agree on the essentials and our number one pick is the same, well..."
As Adrien pulled away from Kagami, he squeezed his girlfriend's hand, offering her a sunshiny smile that had her beaming with the reflected radiance, a full moon blazing in the night, guiding weary nocturnal-travellers with her cool and comforting light.
Wait. What the hell was with that description?
Was this... confused thirst or thirsty-confusion?
That was a new one.
"That's what really matters." Adrien's ensuing wink did things to Marinette's heart. And her throat. And her belly, bursting with butterflies. And her now foggy brain.
And other places.
Puberty sucked.
She was just a great big ugly-stupid bag of mostly icky-sticky hormones.
"What tists for tops?" She choked and coughed, smashing a fist to her breast in an effort to restart her heart under the pretense of clearing an obstruction. "I mean tops! You. Because you're a top, and not that I want to top you!"
Cringe.
Wince, wash, and repeat.
She grinned and grimaced. Grinmaced? "What top ten list?"
"Oh, the top ten cutest things in the world, and, like I said, you're right, Marinette," Adrien agreed, voice gentle and sure. A nod in her direction sent his blond hair flying out of its carefully-coiffed perfection.
"It's not really important whether you're cutter with a beret or hair buns."
Marinette's jaw dropped.
Dropped as in 'very nearly fell off her face' as it felt like she'd dislocated it with the force of her gape.
Kagami shrugged and rose to the tips of her toes to kiss Adrien's cheek, staring lovingly into his eyes as she settled backwards again. "We have a stable foundation for our relationship so long as we agree that the cutest thing in the world is Marinette with her hair down."
With an air of sagacity, stroking his chin, Adrien pursed his lips and nodded.
The wide Parisian street before them, free to choose wherever they should wish to go, they made their way along the path with meandering and slow steps.
Marinette stared after them, unblinking, finger raised in the air, until they were long gone.
"Wat?"