Chapter 4

Jess lay on one side, balled up on the rug in the front room of their home. His body shook with convulsive grief. Nelson and Marilou had come to the cottage that Angelyne and Jess shared with their 7-year old daughter and taken Tali up to the big house on the farm with them. The Army Chaplain and Casualty Affairs officers had left hours ago. When they left, they took a large part of Jess with them. All he knew now was deep, palpable darkness. His chest ached as if he'd been stabbed to death. Everything Jess had known was upended and screaming in agony.

They had talked online just yesterday. All was calm in Afghanistan at her end. A few weeks before, she was awarded the Humanitarian Service Medal for her work with the women and children. She had been teaching them basic hygiene and how to keep the new water well the Seabees had dug from becoming contaminated. Her intelligence work had led to the capture of a high-ranking Taliban leader. Her colonel was writing up a Bronze Star award for that. Jess was not sure which award made her prouder of her efforts. But now: All he had left was their precious daughter, Tali; and she was safe with her grandparents. Joining Angelyne in death was a temptation he could not resist, if only he could move. All he could feel was the deep stabbing pain that tore through his heart and kept him from breathing.

Dr. Brown joined Dr. Arnie Johansen in the OR to continue what he'd begun a day ago. Dr. Johansen pinned the broken femur in Jess's supper leg while Dr. Brown continued his fancy stitching to restore nerve damage as well as vascular damage done to the lower part of Jess's leg. The transverse femoral fracture was right about in the middle of the thigh bone. An enormous bruise, the size of Rhode Island, had formed on impact.

Arnie spoke, "Ya know Dillon, this is one of the cleanest transverse fractures I've seen in a while. You said it was an IED?"

"That's right," replied the vascular surgeon. "He caught a tripwire that was attached to a poorly made IED which only half exploded on him."

"Well, he should be thanking his guardian angel then," commented the orthopod as he worked along to open the bone to insert the intramedullary rod. "Yep. Nice and clean. Not like what I'm used to seeing with car wrecks. It's more like a linebacker vs quarterback high school football fracture."

Brown chuckled, "Until you look at the hamburger I'm working on."

Johansen looked over for a minute and considered, "Yeah, well..." He continued to implant the pin, "At least this way, he can work some muscles before standing upright."

"Mmm, rehab is going to take a while..." Brown considered.

"Like a really bad day on the ski slopes!" chuckled Johansen. "Did I ever tell you the time I put..."

"You did," Brown never looked up. "Many times... As I recall, you got tired of putting bad skiers back together in Vermont which is why you moved your practice and family here."

"I'm just glad I'm not having to staple it back together. Were it not for that hamburger you're working on, he'd be up and about in no time at all," Johansen concluded.

Johansen had opened a small space just above the knee into which he ran the titanium rod. He pushed it up until it met the fracture point and a few centimeters beyond that. Screws held that in place to facilitate proper healing.

Jess alternated between feeling numb and feeling that pressure on his heart that felt like a butcher knife going in and twisting and yanking his heart out of his chest. He rolled over and cradled himself with her pillow. It still had her scent, but for how long. The funeral was tomorrow and all he could do was scream and cry.

He had been there when the transfer case came off the aircraft at Dover. The soldiers marched her with four others to waiting vehicles. Marines attended their dead in the same solemn manner. Six service members had come home for the last time. They brought her feet first down the ramp. Jess could see nothing through the tears that filled his eyes and ran down his cheeks.

Gently, they loaded her into the vehicle which would take her to the mortuary on the Air Force Base. Her body would be autopsied, washed, and dressed in the dress blue uniform of an Army captain. Her ribbons would be placed with greatest care - a Bronze Star and a Purple Heart at the top of the rack. The last soldier gave Captain Angelyne Skye LaCroix his final slow and deliberate salute and stepped back. The hatch was closed on the van, and it drove off to the mortuary. The formations marched away. Jess and the receiving officials remained for a moment or two more before being escorted to the terminal. Isobel had arranged for Jess to be there to receive her body. Now, she was waiting to take him to his hotel room.

She had stood down Jess and his team. She considered temporarily putting Barnes in charge if the team had to be used immediately. She knew that neither Jess nor Clinton would be effective for a while. She was, in fact, worried about Jess. He had that thousand yard stare and inattention of a man who had been through a deep trauma. She had been prepared for anger but was met with silence instead. Anger would be preferable since she knew what to do with that.

Dr. Johansen finished his work and made one last adjustment to the screws that now held Jess's femur in proper alignment.

"How much longer are you going to torture that tissue, Dillon?" Arnie inquired.

Dillon Brown looked up, rolled his neck around, adjusted his shoulders, and continued, "Maybe a few more crochet stitches," he laughed. "The RNs in the Unit call it my fancying stitching, don't you know. So I told them I would crochet him back together."

Arnie snapped off his gloves and pulled off the surgical gown, putting it in the dirty laundry bin.

"Well have fun," Arnie joked. "I'll tell the family that you are still working on your masterpiece."

Dillon nodded with his head down, staring intently at the open leg lying before him, "Tell 'em I should be out in an hour or so." He glanced at the vital signs, "As long as we've got good O2 stats and vitals, I'm going to keep working. I know I'll be back, but what I do today I won't have to do tomorrow."

Jess sat with Tali, Nelson, Marilou, and Clinton under a large green tent. Jess stared at the ground just in front of him. That stabbing pain, that intense ache continually oppressed his chest. It had not left him since the notification team had upended his life. He could barely breathe. Tali reached over and took his hand in hers. Jess pulled her closer to himself and kissed the top of her head. He felt dead inside, but he also knew that he would have to live for their Tali. No seven-year old should be without her mother. He needed to find a way to step-up for her. He looked across to his in-laws. They were also in deep grief, but they had each other.

Clinton was next to him with his hand on Jess's shoulder. Clinton was the strong one. Jess knew that Clinton would find a way through this desolation. A faint spark of relief was allowed into Jess's consciousness, knowing that Clinton also had his back at work. He decided to bury his grief in work. He had to survive for Tali's sake. Tali...his little sweetheart. How would he ever help her through her grief. His father had been cold-hearted and not much of a dad. He had to be better than that for Tali. The next time he was in the City, he promised himself to get a book about parenting. There was a bookstore two blocks from their basement office.

Dr. Arnie Johansen washed up and exited the surgical prep area and made his way to the waiting room. He was not disappointed, for the whole team and family were there gathered in a huddle. He could not tell who was work-related and who was family-related, except for one elegantly attired, slender woman who had that "work look."

"Clinton Skye?" he asked.

The whole tight little group got up and surrounded the surgeon.

"That's me. This is Tali, Jess's daughter," Clinton extended his hand. "Our family, Nelson and Marilou..."

The rest offered hands and introductions.

"Okay," he breathed in deeply, "Now that I've got the line-up card, I'm Dr. Arnie Johansen." He bent over to address Tali, "I'm your Dad's bone doctor, Tali. I want you to know that he's doing just fine. I put a device called an intramedullary rod to support the re-growth of your Dad's thigh bone," he said as he patted his upper leg. Again pointing to his own leg, he continued to explain to Tali, "His thigh bone got broken just about here," pointing to his own leg, "and to make sure that his leg stays straight and heals properly without either shrinking or lengthening, I put in the rod. It will hold his bone in the right position while it heals itself."

He looked up to the rest of those gathered, "The rod will neither speed nor retard bone growth. It will simply stabilize the bone and keep it from dislocating or warping. Dr. Brown will be out in an hour or so and explain what he's done today."

"How long is Dad going to be here?" Tali wanted to know.

Arnie knelt down, "That sort of depends on lots of things. We are keeping him sedated since the injuries he has will hurt, and hurt a whole lot," he stretched out his arms wide. "Pain does not help healing, so we are keeping him sedated for a while yet. Overall, though, that thigh bone should be able to knit itself back together in a couple of months." He smiled at the Tali, "But from now on, your Daddy is going to make noise at the airport and trip the metal detector alarms. It will make you giggle."

His gentle manner eased some of her fears, "When can I see him?"

"That's not my call, but I will let Dr. Brown know that it's really important for you to see him, even if he's still sleeping, okay?" Arnie offered with a big smile.

Tali looked unhappy, "I guess it will have to be okay. But I really want to see him now."

Marilou stepped in, "Sweetie, he's still in surgery. And we are not going anywhere until we all know that he's out of surgery and on his way back to his room in ICU."

Tali turned around and hugged her grandmother. Nelson stoked her hair and bent over to kiss to top of her head as Jess usually did.