APRIL 1919
Nice to meet you, where you been?
I could show you incredible things
Magic, madness, heaven, sin
Saw you there and I thought
Oh my God, look at that face
You look like my next mistake
Love's a game, wanna play?
I put on my golden dress and pin up my hair as instructed by my mother. After all, it's a special occasion, as she said. Tom Buchanan, the gentleman from the New Year's Eve party is coming to tea.
He is as charming as ever. My mother offers me up to give him a tour of the grounds. I comply. There are worst ways to spend one's time than entertaining nice gentlemen.
We are in the rose garden when he asks me, "which type of flower is your favourite?"
"A Daisy of course, it is my namesake after all." I tell him.
"Daisy's are remarkable flowers. Beautiful, pure. They are both delicate and dazzling at once." he says.
I laugh at him. "You are passionate about daisies I see, Mr Buchanan." I tease.
"Only the ones with pretty blonde hair." he replies. It is a cheap compliment, which makes me blush, but Tom mistakes my awkwardness for modesty. He offers me his arm. "It's cold out here, Daisy. Why don't we go inside and drink some wine and play cards."
"It sounds delightful." I agree.
So it's gonna be forever
Or it's gonna go down in flames
You can tell me when it's over, mm
If the high was worth the pain
Got a long list of ex lovers
They'll tell you I'm insane
'Cause you know I love the players
And you love the game
We don't make it inside. We reach the balconies and Tom stops to look up at the sky. I feel a pang of grief. It is too easy to draw parallels between the night I first met Jay, underneath the August stars, and now, with Tom, under the crystal blue eye of early spring.
He takes my hand. "Daisy Fay." he begins. "You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen." This time, I do blush from flattery. "More than that," he continues, "you're so delightfully charming, you light up a room and melt a man's heart. I've fallen in love with you Daisy."
I inhale sharply. "You flatter me, Mr Buchanan." I hesitate. Tom is so wonderfully charming. He is confidant and clever and curious, always wanting to know more about the world and how it works, which I find to be the single most attractive quality in a man since, as I have come to accept, this really is man's world. And a man who wishes to improve upon are of the most superior kind. "You will forgive my silence." I begin.
"Of course." he cuts in. "I would never expect you to reply before I speak to your father. But I swear to God I will or I don't know what I'd do."
I look up at him. He holds my gaze for a moment before leaning in and, for the first time since Jay, a man kisses me. And it is lovely kiss. The perfect balance of tenderness and passion, of affection and desire. But to admit to myself that I do love Tom, is to let Jay go and disappear into the void of the past forever.
Cherry lips, crystal skies
I could show you incredible things
Stolen kisses, pretty lies
You're the king, baby, I'm your queen
I am just about ready for bed that evening when my mother enters, smiling like a Cheshire Cat.
"I have never been prouder of my daughter!" she declares. "Oh, my dear," she perched on the edge of my bed and grips my hand. "Tom has asked your father for permission to marry you!"
"Marry!" I exhale. My mother nods eagerly.
"Oh my," I sigh.
"Aren't you happy?" my mother presses.
"Yes, of course." I begin.
"Don't tell me this is about that officer, Daisy." my mother warns.
I lay down and press my face into the pillow to hide my tears. "No." I say defensively.
"Because he was no match for you. Penniless, wasn't he?"
"Money doesn't matter to me, mother!" I mumble into my pillow.
"Daisy don't be absurd. You love pretty things. You've filled you're head with some romantic fantasy about this Officer, but life isn't like novels, dearest. I'm afraid life doesn't always have the happy ending you expected." Of course I know that, Hay didn't come back. "But you have a chance for a happy ending now."
I look up at her curiously. "A happy ending with Tom." she confirms. I bite my lip. Could Tom give me a happy ending? I can't deny it anymore, and why should I, Jay didn't come back, I owe him nothing. So I will no longer deny to myself that I love Tom. I have fallen in love with him, as he has with me. I love him differently to how I loved, but not less. Just different. But more and more amazing, are separate measurements entirely.
Screaming, crying, perfect storms
I can make all the tables turn
Rose garden filled with thorns
Keep you second guessin' like
"Oh my God, who is she?"
I get drunk on jealousy
But you'll come back each time you leave
'Cause darling, I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream.
And so the next morning Tom and I stand up in Church together.
In just a few months we will do this again for our wedding. But I can't contemplate that now. An engagement is a baby step and if I am to let Jay go, it has to be in baby steps, or I will never manage it.
Tom places the most beautiful diamond on my finger. And pledges to love me for the rest of his life.
I promise the same, and Jay slips a little further away.
We have our photo taken for the announcement of our engagement that will be published in all the papers. I know Jay will see it, even in England, and although I've let him go now, I hope there is a small part of him that wishes he hadn't let me go first.
'Cause we're young and we're reckless
We'll take this way too far
It'll leave you breathless, mm
Or with a nasty scar
Got a long list of ex lovers
They'll tell you I'm insane
But I've got a blank space, baby
And I'll write your name