Sonia didn't bother knocking before entering the central computer lab. She shivered a little, the room was set at a cooler temperature, and her nightgown wasn't enough to protect her from the chill. As expected, Hajime was still at the desk, working, fingers dancing quickly across the keyboard, eyes rapidly switching from monitor to monitor. Sonia tried to walk quietly and made her way over.
Considering she could see her own reflection in the computer screens, Sonia knew Hajime was aware of her presence. Still, he continued his work and didn't acknowledge her.
"Hajime, have you reached a stopping point?" Sonia asked, peeking over his shoulder. Her understanding of computer code was steadily improving, but what was currently on the screen was beyond her. She tore her eyes away, progress wasn't her concern at the moment.
Hajime turned towards her, "Why? Is there- oh." In a moment, his mismatched eyes took her in and read her intentions. "You really don't have to-" He weakly protested, but Sonia wasn't going to take no for an answer.
"But I am! Come on!" Sonia grabbed Hajime's arm and started to pull him away from the computer.
Hajime barely resisted, typing a final line of code with his free hand. "Sonia, I think you're overreacting. This can wait until morning, you should get some sleep."
Sonia fought the urge to roll her eyes. "You're one to talk! You're also awake at this late hour, and continue to make no effort towards this problem." Said problem had been mentioned before but more politely and failed in getting anything done.
"It's fine. I'll get to it at some point." Hajime continued to insist, but let Sonia lead him out of the room.
Sonia again rebutted him, "It's not fine, and stop insisting otherwise. Come on."
The pair walked in silence for a short time, quickly making their way through the Future Foundation base they called home. They passed by bedrooms that each of them had claimed but rarely slept in. Then they reached their destination, the large communal bathroom at the end of the hall. When they entered, Sonia turned Hajime to face the mirror.
"Look at this." She gestured to his hair, which was now reaching his mid-back. "How is this acceptable?"
"It doesn't bother me," Hajime answered, his tone flat.
Sonia asked, "When was the last time you washed it, and I don't mean just getting it wet." She ran a hand through his hair, getting caught in a knot almost immediately. Pulling away carefully, Sonia resisted the urge to wipe the grease off her hand.
"It's been two weeks," Hajime answered honestly. Then less honestly, "I know what I'm doing. I'll take care of it."
Sonia raised an eyebrow. "Do you? When will you take care of it? When it trails along the floor, causing a tripping hazard? When seagulls come to roost and raise their young?"
Half-heartedly rolling his eyes, Hajime replied, "Obviously, I would cut it before then."
"Hajime. I thought the long hair bothered you." Sonia's voice was full of concern. "That's why you cut it short to begin with, right?"
"Yeah," Hajime admitted, "But-"
"Does this bother you?" Sonia cut him off before he could form his excuse. She was already tired of his bullheadedness.
"Not as much as it did then," Hajime spoke truthfully enough, but that still wasn't what Sonia wanted to hear.
Sternly, Sonia posed the question. "Be honest. Do you want me to cut your hair?"
"...yes…" Hajime finally admitted, his voice barely audible. He didn't make eye contact with Sonia or her reflection, and his body looked small and tense in the mirror.
Sonia placed a hand on his shoulder. "Was that so hard?" She tried to make her tone soft and encouraging.
Hajime prickled, "You know it's not that easy."
She sighed, "I do know. But explain it to me."
He straightened up, staring straight ahead, looking Sonia in the eye. They both paused, taking each other's appearance. Sonia stood tall, her posture still as impeccable as her upbringing. Though now she was diminished, queen of a kingdom long gone. She was unquestionably ruler of all she owned, but her body was all she had. Hajime was tense, wound up tight, ready to be anything at a moment's notice. His neglect of himself was the only reason he didn't look perfectly neutral.
"I know how this ends," Hajime stated as if that was all he needed to say.
Sonia tilted her head, "Isn't that the point of a haircut? You know what you want it to look like. It's just a matter of getting it to look like what you imagine."
"You're not wrong," Hajime admitted, "But it's-"
"You can talk while I work." Sonia interrupted, knowing she was never going to get him to actually agree, "Let me know if I'm too rough, okay?"
"Okay."
Sonia gathered the supplies she needed while Hajime took his shirt off. Both of them awkwardly bent over the sink. Hajime took the towel from Sonia and wrapped it around his neck while she filled a cup with lukewarm water. A couple of cupfuls later, Sonia felt like Hajime's hair was wet enough to continue. She rubbed some shampoo into her hands and got to work.
"I know you've mentioned it before, but what's so bad about knowing what happens next?" Sonia asked, "I find it comforting, having something you don't have to worry about. A simple thing that doesn't require your full attention. To allow your mind to wander and rest." Her current task didn't fit inside that category since Hajime's hair seemed determined to stay knotted, and Sonia was trying to be gentle.
Hajime closed his eyes and tried to relax and take in the sensation. "That's not how my mind works… now. Nothing is automatic. I'm aware of everything I do, how I do it, and everything around me. I can't be distracted. Not unless I choose to, and that's… difficult to achieve."
"What makes it so difficult?" Sonia scrubbed in some more conditioner, trying to make it foam.
"It's hard to justify. I can't do things unless it's to directly accomplish something. And whatever I do, it has to be perfect." Hajime nearly growled at the end. He opened his mouth to say something else but closed it. Sonia could guess he was about to instinctively correct the way she was massaging his scalp. Similar incidents had happened already, luckily no one was too offended.
She was slowly starting to understand, though. It wasn't the same, of course. But it reminded her of the endless lessons she had about the importance of her position. When she was out in the world, she represented her nation, and any mistake would reflect poorly on her people. For her, it used to invoke a sense of anxiety and pressure to perform. Though for Hajime, it seemed physically impossible. Running her fingers through his hair, Sonia racked her brain, trying to think if he had so much as tripped since they had left the Neo World Program. Coming up blank, she then asked, "Can't you pretend? You know how to do it right, just do it a little bit wrong."
Hajime sighed, "That's a no go. Pretending is just deception. Which is a key feature of many talents."
Sonia figured that loophole wouldn't work. Otherwise, he would have done it already. She washed out the shampoo, and it already felt much cleaner. Still a bit tangled, though. Sonia eyed the conditioner, wondering if it was alright to use it. She knew it depended on hair type and such, but never really had to worry about anyone else. And did men have different rules about that sort of thing? She didn't have to wonder for much longer since Hajime answered her question.
"You can use conditioner. Just try to keep it away from my scalp, makes it extra greasy."
Sonia made a small noise of acknowledgment, and washed his hair one more time, just in case and to work on another knot. Rubbing the conditioner between her hands to make a thin coating, Sonia started to work it into Hajime's hair.
"You're so strange," Sonia said absentmindedly. A bit embarrassed at the outburst, she quickly explained her train of thought. "You can so clearly see the intention, the care in… crafting you, but there's so much they missed. So much disregarded. How could they call you the Ultimate Hope without giving you… well, hope?"
Hajime laughed, a bit condescendingly. "Izuru was never Hope."
Sonia pulled some loose hairs between her fingers and continued working. "What would you say Izuru was then? What was he supposed to be?"
"Like most things, it depends on who you ask. But generally, a weapon, a du ex machina," Hajime began to list, "Someone who could take the world in the 'right' direction. To answer the question, 'What is perfection?'. To see if this experiment could work. To create someone devoid of all human distractions like personality, personal goals and codes, feelings, and baser urges. To define 'talent'. And the purest reason of all, to make money."
She couldn't help but smirk at that contradictory list. "Ah, the right direction to take the world. A conclusion created from feelings and personal ambitions." Sonia said coyly, plenty familiar with political philosophies.
"Hypocrisy from Hope's Peak? Color me shocked." Hajime's tone continued to be colored with sarcasm, "They just wanted someone fueled by pure logic, to be untainted by the humans that had complete control over the process."
"Pure logic? Is that what they got?" They were poking fun at rather horrific things, and Sonia tried to keep her cheer. Still, it was difficult keeping the darker thoughts at bay.
"Nope. There's no such thing as pure logic." Hajime gleefully denied.
Sonia began to wash the conditioner out. "How so?"
Hajime explained, "Logic is like a river. It starts with a premise, then follows a flow, but bounded by parameters. All logic has to start from some presumption, some common agreement of reality. Logic takes you to whatever conclusion you please."
That led Sonia to only one conclusion. "So Izuru was always an emotional creature like the rest of us?"
He snorted, "Like you wouldn't believe."
Sonia finished washing his hair out, and she squeezed out some of the excess water. "You still haven't explained it to me. Why did you cut it then, and not now?"
Sighing, Hajime muttered, "Not explicitly." He stood up and dried his hair some more with the towel. The two of them shuffled around, finding the best position for the next step. Hajime sat on the edge of the bathtub, while Sonia stood inside it, armed with a pair of scissors and her hairbrush. She began to brush Hajime's hair, noting how much healthier it felt now. When Hajime let things get greasy, it looked more like black oil. Now that it was actually clean, his hair was its proper color.
Hajime finally answered her question. "You know how disorienting it is when you wake up. You have two very different trains of thought, with experience to back both of them up. Your instincts conflict. When Haji- I mean… yeah, Hajime surfaced after being… gone, I-he panicked. He needed proof he was here. He could barely see himself in the mirror. There was an easy way to fix that."
Sonia frowned. This was an issue for all of them, but differently for Hajime. The confusion between these identities, between who they were as Ultimate students and who they became as Ultimate Despair. The divide was razor-thin for the four of them, so easy to slip and stumble across the line. For Hajime, the divide was a chasm, a canyon of calculated precision. To get these two near opposites to coexist in one psyche was not a task Sonia envied. Though she had faith in him. After all, "And now, you're more secure in your identity. You don't need to fight to see Hajime. If you don't need it anymore, why fuss over it? There's so much more to concern yourself with. Have I got it right?"
Hajime nodded, perfectly timed, so it didn't interfere with Sonia's strokes. "Also, it does help. It's a burden, cumbersome, a distraction. And it's a choice, not the most efficient choice, but I could choose it, I could justify it. There are very few things I can do like that." His voice dripped with melancholy and regret. Sonia fought her instinct to change the subject. That was the agreed upon strategy to stave off despair. Wallowing in grief and sadness was the fast track to hopelessness. She tried a different route.
"It must be hard, but that's something we can work on together. I know about you, but how did Izuru handle it? What was his hope?"
"The most basic hope." Hajime answered sadly, "Living on. Life is the potential for change. So he waited for something to change. And it did. You know what happened next."
Now was the time to change the subject.
Sonia asked, a little excited, "Can I play with it?"
He smiled, "I knew you'd ask. Go ahead."
It was obvious, she knew, but Sonia started making a braid that was second nature to her. Doing another person's hair for the first time in years brought back a memory. A much happier memory, before. A girls' night sleepover, lots of giggling, and a large part of the night dedicated to doing each other's hair, trading styles. Sonia tried to think of whose hair she did that night, but the memory was blurry. The feeling was still strong, though. It was one of the first moments she truly felt at home at Hope's Peak. Some details started to come back.
Hiyoko told a joke so dirty that Mahiru choked on her drink. Akane tried to belch the alphabet while doing a handstand. Ibuki told a story about her old band that left everyone on the floor laughing. Someone… someone managed to get their hands on one the teacher's secret stash of trashy romance novels. That quickly devolved into a contest to find the cheesiest declarations of love. Sonia had loved all the melodramatic performances they all gave, so carefree and unaware of what lay ahead. But there was something else, something that was bugging her. Even in the best scenario, they never would have that kind of moment again. The thought was bleak. Things would never be as good as they were, they would never-
With a jolt, Sonia came back to the present. She shivered, realizing what brought her back. Hajime had splashed her with a little bit of cold water. "Thank you, Hajime."
"Of course. Bad memory?" He asked, but Sonia shook her head.
"Worse. A good one." Hajime just responded with a look of understanding.
Looking down, Sonia realized she had finished with her handiwork. Filled with a little bit of cheer, she dragged Hajime to the mirror. "Look! We match!"
He turned his head to see the whole thing, his expression unreadable. Sonia was pretty sure he was amused in some fashion. Then he said, "As much fun as this is, I do prefer my own look."
"Well, just let me finish up." The pair went back to where they were, and Sonia undid Hajime's hair, dark curtain lowering.
Gathering it in one hand, Sonia cut in several hacking strokes, removing most of it. What was left was a chin-length mess. Taking more care, Sonia cut and snipped, cut and snipped until she felt satisfied. The near trip into despair had taken a lot out of her, and the task at hand took all her concentration. Hajime didn't seem to mind.
"I think I'm done. Want to look?" Sonia asked.
Hajime gave a half-hearted shrug and walked to the mirror. He stared, and Sonia joined him there.
"Feel more like Hajime?"
A bit sheepish, he answered, "Yeah… thanks, I really needed that."
"You know you can always ask us for help," Sonia advised, fully aware that none of them were particularly good at following it.
Hajime voiced that sentiment, "You know how hard we find it."
Sonia insisted, "We're in this together."
"That's what makes all of this worth it." Hajime ran his hands through his hair, loose strands falling out. He ran his hands through again, measuring.
Sonia began to walk out. "Just… try to get some sleep tonight."
Grabbing her hand, Hajime pulls her into a hug.
"You too, Sonia."
She hugs back, maybe clinging a little too hard.