JUNE 1919

I've been breakin' hearts a long time, and

Toyin' with them older guys

Just to play things for me to use

Something happened for the first time, in

The darkest little paradise

Shakin, pacin', I just need you

With shaking hands, I pick up the letter that had just arrived. I could recognise the elegant writing even if I saw it in another life.

"Daisy, what's wrong?" I hear someone say.

"Get out! Everybody get out!" I scream, running into my bedroom. I slam the door behind me crumple like a piece of paper.

I open the envelope carefully, as to not tear the perfect, English paper. It was his paper, after all.

"Darling Daisy" the letter begins. I stifle a sob, I can hear his voice so vividly as if he were sitting in front of me. He apologises for never returning after the war.

"The truth is, I'm penniless."

For you, I would cross the line

I would waste my time

I would lose my mind

They say she's gone too far this time

So that's it. That's why he never came back.

That's it! That's the reason! That doesn't matter a speck of dust! I don't need money, I just needed him. But I know Jay, I know he would never settle for anything less than the world. Especially if he was settling these things for me. No, for Jay, everything must be perfect.

My family and friends have caught up with me by now and try to prize the mysterious letter from my hands.

"No!" I scream, pushing them away. I tear the letter into a million pieces. It was addressed to me. No one else may read it.

"What's going on?" my Mother asks.

"Tell then Daisy's changed her mind!" I rip at the pearls around my neck, the one's Tom gave me, snapping the chain and sending them out like shooting stars. As if I am setting the dainty things free. They are no longer Tom's, nor am I. I never was.

My name is whatever you decide

And I'm just gonna call you mine

I'm insane, but I'm your baby

Echoes, love your name inside my mind

Halo, hiding my obsession

I once was poison ivy, but now I'm your daisy

An hour later they finally get me into a bath. I drop the torn pieces of the letter into the water, one by one, like I am dropping petals. He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, but he didn't come back, because he wants to give me heaven, but he doesn't believe he can so he gave me up completely, but he wrote to me, but he didn't leave an address so I can't write back, he loves me, but he still hasn't come back.

And baby, for you, I would fall from grace

Just to touch your face

If you walk away

I'd beg you on my knees to stay

I feel I have one of two options. Run away now and carry on waiting for Jay like I did for a year. Tormenting myself over the idea of him with a bullet in his heart, dreaming over the idea of him coming home and making me his wife, only to wake up alone. He survived the war, but he didn't come home. That's something I never dreamed would happen.

But he still hasn't come back. He hasn't left an address for me to find him. He's still as lost to me as before.

My only consolation is that I now know the reason why he never came back. I can forgive him, I can be at peace, and let him go.

I won't have to be lonely anymore, I won't have to be angry anymore. All the stars have at last aligned. I can marry Tom, and be at peace.

Don't blame me, love made me crazy

If it doesn't, you ain't doin' it right

Lord, save me, my drug is my baby

I'd be usin' for the rest of my life