Author's Note: Literal years. Years. Honestly, I said it on other updates but I got so hung up on trauma stuff and court proceedings.
I suck. I suck a lot. I am back! And I am back for awhile. I am updating everything. Finishing old fics.
I am also moving everything to Ao3, so go check me out if you're over there! My name is the same as it is here. Whiitewolf.
Also, feel free to shoot me a DM. I missed this place and the people here. A lot.
As of Sep 2020, I have also started a Weekly Prompt Forum that helps you get reviews, gives inspiration and just a place to make friends. The link is in my profile, and I would really appreciate it if you would check it out? It would mean a lot to me. I really want to get this forum going.
Jennifer Jareau sat nervously on the edge of the hard black plastic chair and looked up at the big circular clock above the bed, as its hands came together to tell her that the morning had already passed. The half-emptied lunch plates sat on the bedside table, growing cold. She would have pressed him to eat more, but she didn't feel like she had the right. Besides, she had left at least as much food behind. Her stomach was twisted with anxiety, and she could only imagine he felt the same. The sun shone brightly through the window behind her, giving the room a warmth that JJ wished she could feel from the man in the bed in front of her. She and Aaron Hotchner were married, yet he felt like barely more than a stranger right now. It was noon, and the kids would be here any time now.
It had been an overwhelming and exhausting few days for JJ, and she could tell Aaron felt the same.
"Now then, one more time. What are their favorite sports?" JJ asked.
"Jack plays soccer, Henry plays baseball and Samantha plays basketball," Hotch replied, with the measured tone of someone rehearsing lines they had repeated a dozen times before.
JJ had delayed the kids with excuse after excuse for why they couldn't come to visit Aaron before today. Obviously, they loved their dad and wanted to see him, and it had broken her heart to hear their disappointment each time she had to delay their visit. JJ had sighed with relief when Hotch had agreed that he was a father to all of them and would act the part, even if the only one he remembered was Jack – and a much smaller, much different Jack at that. Even if he didn't remember, Hotch knew if JJ (and the others on the team, for that matter) said Samantha was his daughter and Henry was his stepson, it must be true.
The children had been told their dad had been in an accident, and told about all the tubes and wires and machines that were connected to him now. They had an idea of what they would see and knew they might hurt Hotch if they hugged him right now. The kids had also been told that their dad had a few memory issues, because of the accident. They certainly had not been told the extent of his memory issues. JJ hoped this explanation would allow the kids to understand if Hotch made a few mistakes when he talked to the kids, but that would only go so far. JJ and Hotch had been practicing what felt like twenty six hours a day for a few days now, so that Hotch would hopefully know every little detail about the kids that he should know from raising them and living with them for years. JJ had also hoped going over these details would spark the return of the actual memories for Hotch, but so far that hadn't happened.
Today the kids would be coming to the hospital. JJ hoped desperately that her preparation with Hotch would be enough.
She opened her mouth to ask another practice question, then stopped as they heard a soft knocking on the door to the room.
"Come in!" Hotch called out a moment before JJ could do the same. JJ wasn't sure she could have kept the nerves from her voice the way her husband did, but she was sure she saw unease in his eyes. Sometimes she thought he was a totally different man than the one she had married, and other times she could read him perfectly.
The door opened smoothly and Haley's sister took one step inside before three children quickly slipped around her and rushed to Hotch's bedside. Jack stopped suddenly about a foot from the bed, holding up his arms to keep the other two from moving forward. "We could hurt him if we hug him right now, remember?" Jack said over his shoulder in a loud whisper. Hotch felt a rush of warmth at the sight of his child, shocked at how different he looked but sure he could see the same features in Jack's face that he remembered. Something in Jack's face made him think of Haley, and he had to blink to keep a sudden wave of grief from overtaking him. His oldest child, Hotch reminded himself. No matter what he could remember or could not, the other two were also his family.
"Daddy!" Samantha cried out loudly, "I missed you sooooo much!" Jack and Henry were only seconds behind in adding their voices to hers.
"I scored two goals in my match yesterday!" Jack called out, "We have another on Saturday, can you come?"
"I made you a picture!" Henry shouted, fighting for attention, "Do you want to see?"
Hotch held back a laugh, "I missed you, Sammie," he said, feeling a connection to her even though he didn't remember her, "And I missed you boys, too. I don't know if I'll make it out of this room for Saturday, Jack, but I'll try. And I'd love to see your picture, Henry."
Aaron and JJ were just catching their breath when Jessica, Haley's sister, walked slowly up behind the kids. They were crowded around the side of the bed, next to JJ, who was leaning back uncomfortably in the only chair in the room.
"I didn't give them any sugar today, if that's what you were wondering," Jessica said in an amused tone, "They've been like this since they woke up this morning, practically bouncing off the walls with excitement to see their daddy."
Hotch spoke with a contrite tone, "I'm sorry if they were difficult."
Jessica cut him off quickly, "Nonsense. It's been a pleasure taking care of them. And all this," she waved vaguely around the room, "Is hardly your fault."
Aaron smiled at her. She looked almost exactly as he remembered, and he had to bite down on a fresh wave of grief as he noted how similar Jessica looked to her sister, Haley. Her sister, who he would never see again. Her sister, who in his memory, he had lived with just days ago, but who had actually been gone for years. Dead, for years.
He shook his head gently. This was not the time to get lost in memories, no matter how strange, powerful and confusing they might be. Jessica was starting to look a bit concerned, and he could feel JJ watching him nervously, too. He broke Jessica's gaze, and looked at the kids again, asking with an excitement he had a hard time feeling, "So where's that picture, Henry?"
Henry stepped forward, leaning against the bed as he handed his father a drawing of the whole family and spoke up, "I thought you'd want a picture of all of us in your room here," Henry said eagerly, "Here's you and Mommy getting ready for work. And here's Jack, and Sam, and Spot, and me."
Aaron looked at the picture, smiling, then stopped and looked up at JJ with puzzlement on his face, "Wait a minute. Spot?" Hotch asked.
"Yeah!" said Henry with excitement, "Don't you remember Spot?"
JJ spoke up quickly, "Now Henry, we've told you before that we can't get a dog, at least right now," she told him in a tone that made it clear this was not a new discussion.
"Awww. I thought maybe if Dad could... umm... remember the family with Spot, we'd have to get a Spot," Henry replied shyly.
Hotch laughed softly, "Sorry buddy, no can do. I'll give you points for being clever, but you know it's not nice to fib, no matter how much you want a dog," he said.
"Can't we think of a better name than Spot?" Samantha piped up.
They all laughed, and despite the awkwardness of it all, Aaron Hotchner could see how he fit into this family. He had a lot to learn about, if his memory didn't come back soon.