hello hello! So recently my friend who wrote When My Magic Meets Your Sceience with me got me into Hazbin Hotel. at fisrt I'm like whoa holy cow this show is messed up?! but I laughed and oh my gosh the designs of the characters were so pretty I loved them! especially Angel Dust he's just so pretty. personally my favorite character is Vaggie, a lot of people were offended by her I heard? something about her being a bad reprisentation of lesbians or latinas or both? i think i heard people were upset because she was angry all the time, even though she wasn't and even if she was everyone gets mad... personally she reminded me a lot of my boyfirned's mom (who's also Latina) who's a wonderful strong woman who's threatened to whoop my ass before if I ever made her boy cry (which I haven't lol!) but she's just the nicest person I know besides my older brother so i really don't get it. it just seems people complain about everything these days smh. well anyway I was inspired by what i saw and wrote up two chapters of this, I honestly don't know if I'll continue it, most likely only when the inspiration strikes, but i hope you enjoy it! have a wonderful day and stay safe!

Frycook in Hell

Chapter One: The Offer

It was just another day for Crocker at his workplace of McDiablo's, the shittiest restaurant in all of hell: scare the demon rats out of the dining room and into the kitchen where they would help him cook and not scare the clientele (though he doubted they would care anyway), start up the fryers and throw on his apron for another grease-filled haze until he went back to his shitty apartment and his shitty bed with a mattress that was shitty for other reasons.

Crocker stood at the stove flipping burgers and sighing, thinking about just how he got here in the first place. He was a good guy, honest! But there was that one incident that one day... that one day so long ago...

"order up, Dave," said the waitress girl who he'd always thought was cute, but was always too shy to speak with her and now he couldn't even remember her name.

"Thanks," Crocker (then Dave before he died) said and he looked at the order, it was for a double cheeseburger and a triple order of fries. Bloke must've been hungry.

"DAVE!" shouted his boss storming into the kitchen, "IN MY OFFICE!"

"Uh oh, he sounds mad," Crocker mused to himself and turned the stove down to simmer them patties as he went to go see just what the fock his boss wanted sheesh he was always doing this...

"What is it sir"

As his boss ranted and raved at him and cranked his boombox up all the way so no one outside could hear him verbally abuse his employee, Crocker's rival in the frycook business, Luther, his vastly inferior co-cook, crept up to the stove and laid a dead rat down on top of the burger meant for table 3. Then he put the top bun back on just as Crocker came back in.

"Sheesh he's such a bitch, he got all upset about lipstick prints on the stall doors again," he vented to Luther, who he didn't know hated him!

"Sorry about that, pal," Luther said faking pity and handing the newly-sculpted burger to his "friend." "Here, I got table 3's order done up for you so you didn't have to. Since you've had enough to deal with."
"Gee, thanks, man!" Crocker said taking the burgar and smiling at him. "You sure are a bro, you hear me?"

"Oh, yes," Luther said, giggling deeply... too deep to be innocent. "Yes, I hear you."

Crocker served that hell patty up to the customer, who literally took one bite, one bite, see, look at her, she's biting into it, one bite, then promptly died over the table. Ridiculous. It's as if she wanted to die and ruin his life. Crocker had no idea what happened and tried to tell the cops when they came but they didn't listen. Luther snuck out the back door and since no one had seen him at the restaurant the entire day he was able to lie that he'd been home sick so he got off scott-free. Crocker was sentenced to death by rats which is a lot more disturbing than it sounds so you're just going to have to trust me that it wasn't pretty, I'm going to spare you from the actual description. When he woke up after dying he was in Hell and Charlie, Hell's very own princess, was handing him a chocolate-ship cookie as a consolation for dying. It didn't help but it tasted good, mmm.

So now he was here. But since everyone who turns into a demon undergoes some sort of cosmetic change, he was now a cockroach demon to reflect his subpar kitchen cleanliness in life (which wasn't even true he was very clean in his kitchen but no one down here believed him), but honestly he looked more like a giant isopod than a cockroach so he was even more disgusting than he would normally be. Everyone puked upon seeing him, for example, whereas most people just scream after seeing a roach. But he dealt with it.

At least he wasn't the only bug demon down here. He had a friend, Angel Dust, who was a spider demon, and the two of them had become drinking buddies - eventually, after Angel forgave him for hitting him with his car while rushing to work... but he hadn't really seen much of Angel lately? He'd heard he was hanging out at this hip new hotel in town, and that was all Crocker needed to hear to know it was a brothel.

For, you see, Angel Dust was a sex worker.

Crocker was taking inventory in the greasy spoon's kitchen, or as he liked to call it, Hell's Kitchen. At least he hadn't lost his sense of humor when he died but he did lose his flesh and he felt it wasn't a worthy trade off. And he was also quite handsome before and now... well anyway he was taking inventory when the bell at the counter was dinged.

"Be right there," he rasped, he was the only one here today because his boss was sick with measles and gonorrhea, so he was working double-duty. When he was done he went out to the register, only to see Angel Dust laying provocatively across the counter.

"Angel, get your bodily-fluid-soaked boots off of that counter," Crocker warned, "I just cleaned it."

"Pff. Not like anyone in this place'd care," the spider demon scoffed, slowly rolling off and back onto his feet.

"What are you doing here, anyway? You know my shift doesn't end until 6."

"I've got a little proposal for ya, my good man- uh... roach!"

"Thank you," Crocker said, rolling his eyes at his friend's stammering. "What do you mean by proposal?"

"You hate working here, right?" Angel began, gesturing around the decrepit dining room. "Every time I get ya liquored up, you're always complainin', "nobody tips, your coworkers mysteriously go missing, sludge comes up through the floor," et cetera et cetera. Well, I gotta real good job offer for you, my friend, right at the hotel-"

Crocker immediately cut him off and said, "I'm not interested in cooking for your brothel."

Angel imediately gave him a look of confusion. "Huh? I don't work in a brothel! At least, not anymore..."

"Angel. I'mma be straight with you. You're a spider-hooker, and have always been one or its equivalent for as long as I've known you." said Crocker, his brow was really low as he studied his friend. "How can I possibly believe you work for anything other than the sex industry?"

"Oh, babe, you're breakin' my heart!" Angel cried, gripping his ample chest as he feigned hurt. "And all along I thought... you weren't stupid. I'm a guest at the hotel, ya dimwit."

"Oh," Crocker said, embarrassed. "Sorry, man."

"Heh heh, it's all good. No one else has really taken the place seriously, either."

"Why's that?"

Angel cocked his brow. "Ya didn't see the news broadcast a week ago?"

"I hate the news network here that Killjoy bitch gets on my nerves. Plus Tom is kind of my ex..."

"Oh, right. Well, let's just say the boss is kinda, er, animated. The place has been a laughing stock since."

"Who's the boss?" Crocker asked

Angel winked at him. "Princess Charlotte Magne herself."

"The Princess of Hell owns a brothel?!" Crocker asked, surprised. She seemed too sweet and innocent!

"DARN IT, CROCKER!" Angel snapped, slamming his fists into the counter. "HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU, IT'S NOT A BROTHEL!" He took a moment to breathe, then continued when he'd calmed down. "Anyway, yeah, Charlie kinda screwed up our image last week, but she's a doll and has been real good to me. On the other hand..." Angel leaned in, eyes darting around the room to make sure no one was listening before continuing (the only guy there had passed out over his burger). "The guy you're replacin'... he's a real freakshow."

"What's wrong with him?" Crocker asked.

"He's a real creep, and an uptight jackass," Angel said, careful not to give the demon's real name, otherwise Crocker would surely turn him down. "He's kind of helping Charlie out with this whole thing, and has been cookin' for us until we find a full-time employee... but I need him out. Now." He clutched his gut, face twisting in discomfort. "After a week of having nothing but jambalaya for every meal, everyone's really paying the price."

"Ew..." Crocker said, backing up. He brought his hand to his chin, thinking it all over. "What's in it for me?"

"Other than getting to see my smiling, handsome face each day?" Angel asked, offended. "Well, all the staff lives at the hotel, so you'll have a nice, clean room, sturdy roof over your head, and three hot bowls of jambalaya- I mean three square meals a day. And we got a security system."

As Crocker contemplated this, one of the demon rats came out of the kitchen with a dirty toilet plunger. "Crapper soiled," it squorted. "Time to plunge."

The color drained from Crocker's face, but Angel added, "And we got a maid to clean the crappers for us."

"I'm sold," Crocker hissed through his mandibles.