Chapter Two: Horrors Behind Closed Doors
Crocker threw his filth and rat-piss-soaked apron at the offending rodent and walked with Angel Dust up the street to Charlie's kickin' hotel. The marquee was garish and bright tomato red like what the fock... but he was being given freaken' free board and meals if he just shut up and cooked for her so he could live with the awful decor.
They traversed the walkway up to the building, passing by several fragrant flower bushes they were so pretty. Crocker was delighted and would've stopped to smell them (he loved flowers, his momma was a gardener), but Angel was overexcited and reached the front door in a matter of seconds, so he hurried past the flowers to not keep him waiting. He got scary when he was kept waiting.
The (ex?)spider-hooker threw open the front doors to the hotel and called out, "Guess who said yes to being our cook!"
Charlie and her girlfriend Vaggie was there in the hallway, Charlie was flipping through the guestbook while Vaggie was checking something on her phone and their tiny cyclops maid Niffty was at first dusting away cobwebs but was now beating the giant spider creating the cobwebs into a hairy, mushy pulp because it wouldn't stop extruding silk all over everything. (and no it wasn't Angel Dust, it was just a giant recluse or something.)
"Angel you little shit, I already told you you're gonna hafta-" when Vaggie's eyes fell on Crocker, though, she exclaimed, "GOOD GRIEVOUS!" Immediately sick, she turned to a nearby potted plant to throw up.
"Sigh, yes, I have that effect on people," Crocker said. Charlie blushed at her girlfriend's reaction, hoping Crocker wouldn't be too offended, and got up and skipped over to greet them.
"Hi there! I'm Charlie, I own this hotel with my girlfriend, and that's Vaggie, the co-owner and my girlfriend," Charlie explained.
"Crocker Roach," Crocker introduced himself, even though they'd already met, but he figured she was busy, being a princess and all, so she probably met lots of her subjects and couldn't remember them all.
"And that girl fluttering about everywhere is Niffty, our housekeeper, she keeps our toilets clean and shiny," Charlie said as she pointed to the tiny maid skittering about at the speed of light.
"I appreciate that very much."
"Don't we all?" joked Charlie before Caggie got back in on the conversation.
"Like I was saying," she said, wiping her mouth with the back of her arm, "Angel, I don't like him cooking for us either, but he insisted and his help makes Charlie happy."
"Aw, you are so sweet!" said Charlie clasping her hands together at her grilfriend's sentiment.
"Yeah well, I'm sure Niffty wouldn't mind us all eating something other than jambalaya, would you Niffty?!" Angel shouted at the maid.
"Hell no it's been horrible utter chaos I say my good sir Crocker you said your name was mighty fine to meet you please spare my soul er wait well you get the point please save me from having to clean a jambalaya bathroom again it is most dreadful to the senses Squire" she said at a mile a minute.
"... say again?" asked Crocker, he'd hardly been able to catch a word of that.
Angel took over the floor again and said, "And with the hotel officially opening up tomorrow, and the sea of new guests floodin' in, you'll need a good cook to help ya out. Plus, he's an ex-fast food frycook, so he can keep up with the rush."
"Well, uh, if I get the job, I'd be happy to," Crocker said before Angel glomped him.
"See? He's such a selfless lost soul!" he said, squishing Crocker's beef-jerky-textured face despite his annoyed demands for his friend to let him go. Angel turned to Charlie, knowing he could tug on her heartstrings. "All he wants is to make others happy, Charlie. And he lives in deplorable conditions - sleeps on a bed of pure fecal matter!"
Charlie gasped, tears springing to her eyes. "That's terrible!" Vaggie rolled her eyes beside her.
"No I don't!" Crocker snapped.
Angel contunued, "And he was just fired from his last place of work for warning the customers of the dreadful demon rat infestation, when all he wanted was to keep them healthy!"
"That's... that's so mean of them!" Charlie sobbed before blowing into a red handkerchief with black loopy-doily designs sewn into it along the border, and her name "Charlotte" sewn in black cursive in the middle (it was a gift to her when she was born).
Angel let Crocker go as he fell to one knee, closing eyes eyes sadly for the icing on the cake. Mmm. "And so he's humbly come here, to our establishment, asking if we could give him the chance to do his best and deliver us the best cooking experience possible, in exchange only for a room and hot meals?"
"YES!" Charlie practically screamed, throwing her arms around Crocker despite how hideous he was, and she didn't even throw up over his shoulder. Good gravy how can the literal Princess of Hell be so nice this is giving me mixed emotions. "OF COURSE WE WILL TAKE YOU IN! YOU'RE SUCH A WONDERFUL DEMON!"
"Checkmate, baby," Angel whispered to Crocker, winking at his friend.
"Hold up here a sec," Vaggie interrupted, prying her girlfriend off the enormous roach and dragging her aside. "Charlie, I know you feel bad for this guy, but 1. Angel Dust is a pathogogical liar and 2. you know he's not going to take this well."
"Oh, Vaggie, it'll be alright!" Charlie insisted, smiling as she caressed her concerned girlfriend's cheek. "Besides, Alastor said he'd only cook for us as long as we didn't have one full-time, and I'm sure he'll be happy for the break."
"I know, I'm just... I'm worried about you, working closely with him."
"I promise, Vaggie," Charlie said, "I will be careful, and if he gets out of hand, he'll be out on his ass with his spatula shoved so far up it he'll be able to taste the last burgers we made."
Vaggie sighed, then smiled. "I don't know how I wound up with a woman like you."
"You didn't," Charlie said, smiling back, "you wound up with a demoness." After giving her girlfriend a peck on the cheek (almost like a chicken demon) she turned to the boys and asked, "Well, are you ready to see the kitchen?"
"I-" Crocker began but Angel Dust immediately butted in much like a spider with a very big caboose,
"Great, you just get settled in now buddy, I'm feeling awful tired cough and maybe a touch of the clap so I'm gonna go to bed see ya later bud!" and before anyone could stop him, he was in his room with the door slamming shut.
"Cobarde con cara de meada," Vaggie hissed under her breath.
"Well, uh... let's head into the kitchen, shall we?" Charlie asked, and escorted Crocker to his doom.
They walked through the dining room, it was empty right now, but there were fancy polished tables everywhere and tons of chairs. How many guests does she plan on having? Girl's optimistic, I'll give her that.
They reached the swinging kitchen door, the last door etween Crocker and his certain doom, oh the horrors opening this door would bring. Charlie said, "Okay, here we are!"
Slowly, agonizingly, she opened the door to the kitchen. Crocker froze in terror, his feelers actually standing still. Alastor, the Radio Demon himself was here washing dishes and shaking his booty to the radio nearby, which was playing Here Comes the Boogeyman. Ugh, how fitting. His fluffy little tail flicked to the beat. Crocker had heard rumors of this guy, but had thankfully never encountered him until now... and he was glad for that, because something about him just radiated evil.
"Um, excuse me, Alasator?" beckoned Charlie?
Alastor jumped since she startled him, but he was fine and he turned around with that mile-wide grin on his face... and a dark twinkle in his monocle, as he looked first to her and then to Crocker, his expression unchanging. "Oh, hello there, Charlie! Who is this fine-featured fellow you have allowed into the sterile environment of my kitchen?" he asked, his voice had radio interference in it what the heck? It made it difficult for Crocker to hear him.
"Well, um, actually it's Vaggie's and my kitchen," Charlie said quietly because truth be told, she was afraid of standing up to him, "but this is Crocker, he's our new cook! Angel Dust just brought him in!"
Alastor kept smiling, but something behind those eyes exploded in a mushroom cloud of rage and bloodlust. His eyes already being red didn't help. "But I am the cook here," he said, and his tone still sounded jubilant... weird...
"Well, it's just that-" Charlie began
"Is my food not good enough for your discerning palate, my lady?" Alastor asked, turning up the charm as he stepped closer to her?! "Ah, it has been a while since I cooked so regularly... that must be it. My work is not up to par with your standards."
"N-No, that's not it at all!" Charlie stressed! "I greatly enjoy your cooking, Alastor! It's just..."
"What?"
"Just,"
"What?"
"Just-"
"What?" That one was deeper and more gravelly than the last, oh dang he must've been mad.
"Everyone's... getting a little tired... of jambalaya?"
That did it. Alastor started shaking in fury but he still kept smiling, what a trooper. "Well. If that is the case, I will go up to my room until you have better use for me, my dear," he said as he took off his apron, he handed it to Crocker, but his fingers were crushing it and it took a moment for him to relax so the giant roach could take it. Then he went upstairs, an air of unease and cajun spices surrounding him.
"Don't worry about him," Charlie said smiling apologetically, "he gets kinda moody sometimes."
"I'm not gonna lie, Charlie," said Crocker, "I don't like the idea of living in the same place as that guy."
"Oh, please stay!" Charlei begged, honestly dreading the thought of eating Alastor's cooking again. "He'll behave himself - I promise! He's already made so much progress - just look at all the bowls he's used to make jambalaya for all of us!"
Crocker looked over at the dozen bowls scattered throughout the kitchen, red inside from the seasoning. "Isn't that why I'm here?"
"Just... trust me," she said, nervous. "If he gives you any trouble, let me know of course, but we're all in this together, and we gotta work as a team."
"I'll do my best."
"Great!" she said, bouncing up and down in excitement. "Follow me, I'll show you to your new room."
Dinner went poorly, and not just because it was yet another course of jambalaya as a "farewell/thank you for cooking for us/get it out of your system" meal from Alastor. No, it was because Crocker was furious at Angel for luring him into this death trap of a hotel. Even if there was a chance at redemption here his afterlife was still in danger from the vermilion venison. The only good things about dinner were that it was Crocker's first time eating jambalaya, and despite how Alastor was givig him the death glare the whole time he ate it, it was pretty good, and he got to spend more time with Niffty and Charlie and Vaggie's other hire, Husk, who ran the bar. Crocker thought it was weird that a place that was trying to redeem sinners had a freaking bar in it but to each their own I suppose. Also Husk was kind of scary looking, kind of like a cross between a cat and a griffon and that thought gave Crocer disturbing imagery, but he was an easygoing bloke to be around despite how gruff he was so they kind of hit it off.
After the meal Crocker stormed over to Angel Dust's room, intent on speaking his mind. Upon reaching it he banged on the door hard enough to splinter it, oh shit that would be coming out of his paycheck.
"WHAT DO YOU WANT I AM TRYING TO LAY MY EGGS IN HERE?!" Angel shouted from inside.
"Angel, you get your obese ass out here right now, before I squash it under my boots!" Crocker snapped.
A few slipping/scurrying noises later, Angel opened the door just wide enough to peek his head out but Crocker could still tell he was naked. "It is not obese, it is fluffy!"
"You listen to me, you arachnoid pretty boy!" Crocker said, jutting his insect leg at Angel, "You didn't tell me that the freaken' Radio Demon was your cook! He looked like he was ready to murder me earlier!"
"Why didn't ya ask?" When Crocker nearly wrunk his throat, Angel backed up and said, "Hey hey, I'm sorry, okay? But if I told ya, ya wouldn't have accepted!"
"Yeah, maybe that would be to save my own skin?!"
"Ya don't have skin anymore, ya got an exoskeleton, just like me. But look, we needed ya here, Crocker. I needed ya. Not just for sex, but because I woulda gone mad if I hadta eat another bowl of that disgusting slop."
"I had some for dinner, it was pretty kickass actually."
"That's because it's the first time ya've had it. Eat it nonstop for a week, and it'll start to taste like chickenshit."
"I'm gonna turn you into chickenshit for what you've done-"
"Coming to bed, honey?" called a voice from Angel's room. Both the spider demon and roach demon looked in to see one of Sir Pentious' egg bois sitting expectantly under the covers.
"Look, I'm sorry I hid the truth from ya, alright?" Angel asked, turning to his friend. "But we needed a cook, 'cause things are gonna get hairy tomorrow. I'll make it up to ya, somehow." He gave one last, apologetic look to Crocker. "G'night, buddy." He closed the door.
Crocker sighed, weighing his options in his head. He had food and shelter in this roaring fire of the afterlife, and safety, none of which he had reliably in his old digs. And he also had no job at his last place so that was a real popsicle stick in the ass. He had no choice anymore, other than to work here.
With the Radio Demon.
Resigned to his fate, Crocker walked back to his room in hopes of getting enough sleep to get through the insanity tomorrow would surely bring