Hello hello hello! Thank you, buying gf and Krueger-X, for your kind reviews! I'm so happy you're enjoying the story. c: And yes, Alastor is quite a manipulative bastard. I'm excited to see how his and Charlie's relationship develops in the series - I'm worried she's a bit too nice and even though she follows her father's advice to "never take shit from other demons" she'll just wind up letting Al walk all over her. That's pretty much what I'm going for here. But does Alastor only want to cook in the kitchen, or is there more to his insistence...? c;
I'm really sorry for the wait - it wasn't planned i wanted to take the time to make it good but then I hit writer's block so... also eek I made a mistake in the last chapter! Alastor originally called Charlie a "floozy" - I thought this meant airhead but nope I just found out it meant a promiscuous woman. WHOOPS. That'll teach me to do my research on old slang. Anyway it's changed to "ditz" now and though I really wanted to find a word that sounded old-timey, I might change it in the future if I find something better but for now I just really wanted to correct it! My apologies Charlie ain't no ho.
Chapter Five: Hell's Handkerchiefs
Angel reached over and lit Crocker's cigarette, which he had clamped in his mandibles. The two were in Angel's bed relaxing after coitus. See, they were pretty good friends, so they became friends with benefits and would have sex with each other whenever one or both was having a bad day. And after what happened the previous afternoon, Crocker considered it a very bad day.
"I can't believe ya actually spoke to Alastor like that - and got out alive," the spider demon said, raising his brows.
"I think that creep just wants my job," Crocker said, exhaling the smoke. "He tried to win me over by playing with my feelings. Bastard."
"Gotta say, I ain't surprised. The guy's fucked up." Grinning mischievously, Angel then turned to Crocker and asked, "So, before he revealed his plan and all that... did you bonk him?"
"Of course not!" Crocker snapped. "It was entirely platonic manipulation!"
"Oh, come on," Angel teased, "You're tellin' me ya didn't at least try and get some tail when he was offering?"
"He's not my type. Plus, I don't think he's even wired that way."
"Whaddaya mean?"
"Really, Angel?" Crocker looked at his friend. "The guy's got immense influence down here. He could get anything he wants. If he wanted men, or women, he would've gotten some by now."
"Huh," Angel said, blinking. "Never thought of it that way. Maybe that's why he turned down the offer for a blowjob."
Crocker nearly inhaled his cigarette. "You what?!"
Angel snapped, "Why're ya always assuming it's me?!"
Suddenly, a horrific, flanging cry of agony rang throughout the hall. Startled, the boys jumped out of bed, Angel got dressed (Crocker normally walks around naked, not like there's anything to see anyway) and they scurried out the door like the spider and cockroach demons they were, you could even hear their skittering yeesh.
Rushing into the hall, they saw Charlie running in and out of the rooms, panic clear on her face. Occupants screamed when she invaded their rooms, but she didn't seem to take notice. Vaggie tried to calm her down, but was no match for her girlfriend's speed.
"What's going on?!" asked Crocker as he and Angel approached Vaggie.
"She can't find her handkerchief," Vaggie said. "You know, the red one with the black writing she always carries around? She thought she had it on her, but had a sniffle a few minutes ago and-"
"IT'S NOT IN HERE EITHER!" they heard the princess scream from one room where one of their guests was threatening to hit her with a baseball bat if she didn't stop rifling through his things. Charlie ran out and up to Crocker. Her face was pinkish and puffy, and wet with tears. "Crocker! Have you seen my hankie?!"
Crocker felt his heart twist. His boss looked so pitiful, but he had to tell her, "I'm sorry, Charlie. I haven't."
"Oh, what if I dropped it in the trash can when I took the garbage to the curb?!" Charlie said, eyes darting across the floor. "Sanitation came by this morning! I'll never see it again!"
"Well, knowing how thorough sanitation is down here, you'll likely find it strewn across the walkway with last week's chinese cartons," Angel huffed.
The thought of her precious handkerchief mixed with the filth caused Charlie to weep even more, and Vaggie growled at Angel, who backed away a few steps.
"Charlie," Crocker said gently, laying his horrible insect leg on her shoulder, "fourteen eyes are better than two. Angel and I will help find your hankie."
"'Fourteen?'" asked Angel, confused.
"Uh, yeah? Mine, Charlie's, Vaggie's, and you've got eight."
"No, I don't!" Angel said, seeming repulsed. He pointed to his cheeks. "These are just freckles!"
"Oh."
"That's very nice of you," Charlie said, wiping her tears away with the back of her hand. "Thank you, but I don't want to keep you from your work. Besides, Alastor's helping too."
"Ugh," Angel spat, looking around, wondering where the resident deer was.
"But, it wouldn't hurt to keep your eyes open. You two can take downstairs," Vaggie suggested. "Spiders have good eyesight, so Angel can look around while he takes orders - and you should know the kitchen pretty well by now, Crocker."
"Will do. We'll let you know if we find anything," Crocker said, and he and Angel made their way to the dining room.
"Gee, thanks for ropin' me into this, bud," Angel said, drawing out his words, "I didn't have anything better planned for today."
"Charlie's our friend," Crocker snapped, "and our boss. Besides, if she keeps this up for much longer, we might not have a roof over our heads."
Angel said, "Good point."
Upon entering the dining room, they saw a handful of demons reading the breakfast menu. More were surely to come soon, so Crocker hurried his little insectoid ass into the kitchen and prepared to fry it up. Meanwhile, Angel crawled around on the floor, examining every square inch for the hankie. Eventually, he accidentally bumped into a guest's leg.
"Hey! Whaddaya think yer doin'?!" the guest, some sort of dog demon, asked.
Angel straightened up, and set his elbow on the table. "Lookin' for my contact lens," he replied, smirking. "What, did ya think my eyes were really two different colors?"
"I don't care," the guest said, burying his immense snout back into the menu. "I just want to eat my demonic chicken eggs in peace."
Angel took the guest's order and brought it in to Crocker, who was peering in the different cabinets for any sign of black-on-scarlet. He thanked Angel for the order and began the easy process of cooking eggs over hard.
Orders came in and went out on Angel's many arms, but as he and Crocker nibbled at their own breakfast as they served the guests, they still found no sign of Charlie's handkerchief. Angel was about to suggest they sew a new one before they all drowned in Charlie's tears when the kitchen door flew open and Crocker was knocked up against the fridge, a gray hand seizing his throat.
"Would you like to tell me," Vaggie said, slowly, "how my girlfriend's handkerchief wound up in your room?!"
"Wh-what?!" Crocker choked, his legs flailing around as he panicked. "Vaggie, I'd never-"
"Don't hurt him, Vaggie!" Charlie begged, running into the kitchen, clutching her hankie to her chest. Alastor followed shortly after, smiling smugly.
"Why?! He hurt you! I knew we should've never hired him! Any friend of Angel's is bad news!" Vaggie argued, getting ready to punch Crocker square in the trembling mandibles.
"No!" Charlie cried, rushing over to try and pull them apart. "We don't have to resort to violence! We can just talk about this!"
The moth demon rolled her eyes to look at her girlfriend. Not wanting to upset her anymore, she reluctantly let Crocker go. "Fine, then. Explain yourself," she barked, folding her arms.
"I don't know how it wound up in my room," Crocker said, gently, "but I certainly did not put it there. You've been nothing but kind to me since we met, Charlie - you gave me a job and a home. Why would I hurt you in return?"
"Who searched Crocker's room?" Angel asked, glaring at Alastor, whose grin still hadn't faltered.
"Vaggie was the one who entered your friend's quarters," the Radio Demon replied. "I was searching the third floor."
"Well, what's so important about it, anyway?" Angel continued. "I don't mean no offense, Charlie, but this is a lot of hullabaloo for just a handkerchief."
"It's not just a handkerchief," Charlie began, "or a present from when I was a baby. It's a status symbol. All Overlords of Hell - my mother, my father, even your boss, Valentino... and me, since I'm the princess - have a personalized handkerchief. They're meant to distinguish the owner as someone with immense power. Fakes have been attempted, but the handkerchiefs are made with special magic that is impossible to recreate, except by one person."
"Who's that?" Crocker asked.
"... my father."
"As you can imagine, if one of these handkerchiefs fell into the wrong hands, someone could sell it on the black market for a fortune and we'd never see it again, and Lucifer's not the type to offer a replacement," Vaggie said, stroking Charlie's shoulder. "Which only makes you more suspicious, Crocker, since you've had a tough time making ends meet. You could've taken it and never had to worry about supporting yourself again."
"But... this doesn't even make sense," Crocker said, blinking. "I didn't know these special handkerchiefs existed until now, and besides that, I haven't even been in my room since yesterday."
"Then where were you after you came back from town?" asked Vaggie, narrowing her eyes.
Crocker was too embarrassed to say it, so Angel said it for him. "He was in my room. We were screwin' each other."
That certainly shut everyone up, and wiped the grin off Alastor's face. Crocker, actually sleeping with someone? Even Charlie didn't want to think about it.
"... I think I'm going to lie down," she said, turning around and leaving the kitchen.
After watching her go, Vaggie shot one more glare back at Crocker. "I don't know how this happened, but if it happens again, I'm throwing you out on your scaly ass," she threatened, before storming out of the kitchen as well.
Crocker, shaking like a leaf, let out the breath he'd been holding. Concerned, Angel asked him, "You okay?"
"I thought she was going to kill me for a second there," he admitted, trying to calm himself down.
A light chuckling reminded them that Alastor was still there. "Well, if you value your life so, why risk it with petty theft?"
"I didn't take Charlie's hankie, you son of a bitch!" Crocker snapped, pointing at him. "In fact, I think I've got a pretty good idea who did."
"Me too," Angel hissed.
"I assume you're referring to me?" Alastor said, gesturing to himself. "Why, I'm insulted! I would never dream of making such a foolish mistake as taking the Princess of Hell's crown equivalent. You, on the other hand-"
"I know you did this, stop fucking around!" Crocker snapped. "This is to turn Charlie and Vaggie against me, and get me fired!"
"Such language," Alastor said, glaring through his smile. "Maybe you really don't have any place among the upper class."
"Says the guy who keeps lying to the Princess!"
"I believe I've had quite enough of your accusations," Alastor said, and made for the door. Before he could step out, though, he said over his shoulder, "Oh, Crocker, do you know when the next cleanse is?"
"Uh..." Crocker trailed off, half because that question sort of came out of nowhere, and half because he honestly wasn't sure.
"Twelve days," Alastor answered for him. The insect and arachnid demons caught the flash of his smile. "I suggest you conduct yourself carefully if you value your afterlife - this may be your safest place to hide."
The Radio Demon left, and Crocker looked up at Angel, worried. Angel assured him, "He's not gonna get ya kicked out. Soon as Vaggie finds out what he's up to, she'll take care of him."
"But she definitely won't listen to me now. How can we convince her that he framed me?" Crocker asked.
Angel thought for a moment. He wished he had a better answer for his friend. "I guess... just watch yer back for now. She's smart. A hard-ass, but smart. She'll figure it out eventually."
Crocker sighed. "If Alastor's saying what I think he's saying, it had better be sooner than that."