They both froze, neither willing to move a step closer.
For all her preparation, she nearly crumpled at the sight of him. She'd never seen him look like that before. His normal bright eyes looked dull and gray, and even his hair seemed to drop down over his forehead, casting shadows on his darkened features.
For just a moment, she wanted nothing more than to rush forward and wrap him in her arms.
And from the look in his eyes, that was all he wanted as well. It was that look that brought her back to reality. She let the dull numbness settle over her again and she averted her gaze and walked stiffly instead. Ted didn't move, but she could feel his eyes on her, and for all her effort it made her skin tingle.
She didn't dare look in his direction all of class, even though every nerve in her body was begging her to do so. She had no idea if he was doing the same.
When class ended, she wanted nothing more than to find a secluded corner of the castle and disappear into the shadows behind it. If she looked hard enough she could probably find a spell that would allow her to do just that.
But once again she found herself rounding a corner and running into someone that would make her obsoletion impossible. Ted.
He must have followed her from class. Determined to speak with her, despite every sign she had given that she wanted nothing of the sort.
Still, here he was, standing in front of her. For just a moment, she forgot what they had been through and let her heart lift at the sight of him. Then she remembered that was a forbidden response now, and her heart froze.
For a minute, he just stared at her. She expected hatred, of some sort, but she didn't see it. She just saw pain, and grief, a grief so palpable she found her hand instinctively moving forward to brush his cheek—before she remembered that too, was forbidden.
He opened the empty classroom door next to him, and gestured inside. Her first instinct was too say no. It was too dangerous, after all. But looking in his eyes, she saw something past the grief and pain, a light. Hope.
Her breath caught. Hope from him was more dangerous than any clandestine meeting ever could be. Because she knew him, he would not give up. Not unless she did something drastic.
She did her best not to grit her teeth when the light in his eyes got brighter.
She couldn't bring herself to look at him as he closed the door behind them and then stepped toward. She kept her gaze fixed out the window, but she was hyper aware of his every movement. Hyper aware of the way he was staring at her, at as much of a loss to say as she was.
Finally, he spoke. "Andromeda, I,— I want you know I don't blame you."
Her throat constricted. She'd expected demands, for an explanation for her feelings. She hadn't expected forgiveness.
"You should," she breathed, but Ted wasn't done.
"You were just trying to protect yourself. Protect us." He stepped closer, and she stiffened. He stopped trying to come closer, but she could tell he wanted too. "I know you tipped off Sirius and company about what was happening."
She didn't answer. She didn't move. There was a time when she craved his forgiveness for the things she'd done more than anything, but now it was useless to her.
"This isn't your fault." He stepped closer, and this time he didn't seem to care when she stiffened.
"Stop, Ted," She didn't move, but she didn't look at him either. "Just stop."
The sharpness of his voice was enough to make him do just that. He wouldn't stop looking at her though, waiting, just waiting for her to give in and go to him like she'd done in this past.
But this was not the past.
"You're wrong." She swallowed the bile that rose in her throat, and her voice grew stronger. "It is my fault. I started this. I told you could be with me, and everything that happened to you happened because I made that choice."
"We made that choice." He didn't come closer this time, but there was a softness in his voice that her feel as though he was standing right next to her. "And I'd make it again, even knowing everything that would happen."
It was everything any sane woman would want to her from the man she loved. A declaration of devotion unlike any other. And it nearly ripped her heart in to.
"Then you are a fool," she seethed.
"If you're going to insult me will you please just look at me." His voice still carried the softness, but there was a brokenness that made her heart melt. Slowly, she let her face return to him, and immediately wished she hadn't. He was there just like her little ray of sunshine, but one that the dark clouds were threatening to cover.
"What do you want from me, Ted?" She asked, hoping her own brokenness wouldn't leak through. She couldn't let him see her weakness.
But he was making that very difficult. "I want what I've always wanted," he said in that same, soft whisper. "What we had."
She clenched her jaw to keep it from trembling. "What we had was a child's dream, nothing more." Her voice grew more sure. "And now we've grown up."
"That's not true," despite the pain in his voice, he sounded as sure as her, "and nothing you say will convince me otherwise." He stepped closer. She dared not move a muscle, but the fire that burned through her body as he came closer was enough to make her scream. "You can pretend you regret our relationship all you want, but you can't deny that it was real." He was so close now their lips could touch. The fire was overwhelming. "I know you loved me." He swallowed. "I know you still do."
She couldn't breathe. She'd never said those words to him, but she couldn't lie to herself. He was right.
And it didn't mean a damn thing. "You are wrong."
And just like that, the fire was gone as Ted stepped back. The coldness if her voice seeming to finally crack his defenses. The coldness seemed to spread through her entire body, until that was all she could fell.
"I don't believe you." He said, but his voice trembled. "You're scared, traumatized even, I understand. Believe me, I do." A shadow passed across his face. "But nothing will stop me from wanting to be with you."
"Except for this," She lifted her chin, a gesture so reminiscent of Bellatrix Ted seemed to shudder back. "I don't want to be with you."
"Stop, lying Andromeda," He started to raise his voice, so she cut to him to the chase.
"NO, you stop, and listen." She paused, regaining control. "I won't do it. I won't turn my back on my family, I can't. I'm going to marry Rabastan and there's nothing you can do to stop it."
Ted shook his head, like her could shake her words away. "That's your fear talking."
"No, it's not. For once I can see clearly." And she wasn't lying either.
"What about everything you told me?" He shouted. "About wanting to be free? About building a new world?"
"We would have had to burn my world down to do it!" Once again, she took a deep breath to regain control of herself. "And I can't do that, not while there are still people in it I care about."
And once again, with that part, she wasn't lying.
Ted's gaze dropped, and for a minute, he was silent. Then he finally raised his head.
"And me?" he asked softly. "What about me?"
"Your life won't end with your first love, Ted. You'll love again." That statement was more for her benefit than his, but if he noticed he didn't let on.
He met her gaze again. "And if I don't want too?"
For a brief moment, her defenses wavered. Everything was hinged on the belief that Ted would be happier without her. One day. She had to go on believing it, even if he didn't at the moment.
"Then I'm sorry," she replied coldly, "but I have nothing else to give you."
"Andromeda please, don't do this." She'd finally broken him completely. "Don't leave me."
Even the numbness she felt couldn't stop his begging from tugging at her heartstrings, but she kept it masked as she replied. "It's already done."
And with that, she turned to leave. Head held high, shoulders back, nothing short of the regal Black daughter she was.
"Andromeda," Ted whispered, "I love you. Please, don't forget it."
She didn't break stride, but her whole body seemed to break. She barely managed to make it outside and close the door before the gasping sob escaped her lips. She had to leave, in case Ted decided to follow her and saw. She took off running, and she didn't stop.
She was trembling as she made her way to the great hall for dinner. She would have given anything to skip dinner tonight, but she had promised Rabastan she would sit next to him, and she couldn't afford to break anymore promises to him. He was already sitting there when she arrived. He smiled at the sight of her. Normally his smile would lift her spirits, but not today. The numbness she had felt had been shattered by Ted's pleadings, and she felt the ache of his loss so sharply she could barely breathe.
But if Rabastan noticed something, he didn't let on, he was too busy basking in the rekindling of their relationship.
The moment she sat down Rabastan pressed a kissed to her head. "To think I almost lost you to that blood traitor's scheme," he murmured into her hair. She sighed, knowing her would mistake it for a sigh of contentment.
Rabastan continued to murmur in her ear, but she found herself drifting. She should have known better though, because no sooner did her gaze begin to wander then she found herself staring at the bright-haired Hufflepuff boy sitting directly across from her on the table next to hers.
That look of pain and despair was there again, only this time, there was no light.
As if he sensed her disturbance, Rabastan finally pulled himself away from her neck. His eyes found Ted's. She expected him to stiffen, but he only laughed.
"It still amazes me that the poor muggleborn ever thought someone such as yourself could ever be with him. I know he was jinxed, but still. It's crazy, isn't it."
"Yes, she said, it was certainly crazy."
Rabastan laughed again, and this time he pressed a large, long kiss to her neck. She should tell him to stop, remind him that such displays of affection were not appropriate for public, but she didn't. Because based on the expression on Ted's face, it was driving home the message clearer then he words ever could. She wasn't his anymore, and she never would be again.
She saw his friend, Olivia, shoot her glare. Her gaze softened as she turned to Ted. "Are you okay?" Andromeda could make out from the movement of her lips.
Ted's gaze never left hers as he said, "No."
Before his friend could reply, he rose up and stormed out of the Great Hall. A few eyes followed him, and then turned to her. She could hear there whispered conversations beginning. Rumors of their illicit affair had spread. She should be doing her best to look haughty. That was what Bella told her to do. Feign disdain until the rumors were squelched and honor was returned to Black name. But for just this moment Andromeda allowed herself not to think about and dwell on the forbidden subject, Ted.
She knew he wasn't all right, and she knew it would be sometime before he would be. But she had to believe he would be someday. Or this would all be for nothing.