Chapter 4

Kate yanked down the yellow police tape that hung across her doorway, inhaled and exhaled a deep breath, and then crossed the threshold into the rubble of her home with Rick close behind. It felt impossible that it'd been whole just the day before. Now only pieces of the life it'd held were left. She'd already had to escape the darkness of that test once. She would again, of course, and he was right. The only way was forward. But that did little to quell the anger, which without her work, she no longer had any meaningful outlet for.

"This is bad," Rick remarked, stepping around a hole in the floor. "Sorry, that was a stupid thing to say. I just, I didn't realize last night. It all happened so fast."

She moved around in silence, gritting her teeth. There were things to be saved, she saw, things layered in black from the smoke, down but not out, but she wondered how much of it would really be worth the effort.

Her bedroom had fared better, not that it, too, wasn't a mess, but the damage there seemed far less. On her hands and knees, she reached under the bed and slid out three totes. They were filled with belongings of her mother that she'd kept, and they'd been spared. If there was to be gratitude for nothing else, at least there would be for that.

"Your clothes in here look pretty good," Rick said with a peek into the closet. "We can take them all to my place, wash everything. The rest we can have sent out to be dry cleaned. The perks of a concierge building." He pushed the door closed again. "Or you could just go without clothes. I mean, I have already been there and seen that. No need to be bashful now."

When he walked over to her, Kate reached down and grabbed the hem of her sweatshirt, lifted it over her head. She was wearing a tank top underneath, but his eyes still lit up like a Christmas tree at the possibility she wasn't, which was the aim.

"You haven't seen anything yet, Castle." He practically gulped. "Now get out of here, so I can change. And don't touch anything out there. You already owe me for a new door," she joked. "You keep a list. I keep a list."

She came out a few minutes later. His head was in his phone, and he didn't realize she was there. She'd considered not telling him why, just closing the door on it as they'd done in the past, but that didn't seem fair this time, somehow.

"I did it because I knew you wouldn't."

Rick turned. "Did what?" He wore a genuinely puzzled expression.

"Last night, Castle… This morning, whatever. I kissed you because, I don't know, because every reason I'd ever come up with to convince myself not to suddenly felt like complete bullshit when you were standing that close to me. I mean, I could say it was the scotch or the bomb and all the emotion catching up with me in the moment, but that'd be a lie." He took a step nearer. "Look, Castle, I don't know what happens now-if something happens now. I don't know what it means. Maybe it doesn't have to mean anything."

"First of all, I don't want it to not mean anything. You know that." He tucked his phone away, pushed his hand into his pocket. "And I'm sorry I have to ask again, but what about Josh, Kate? After being locked in that freezer, when he showed up that night, you said-"

"Yeah, I did, and at the time I thought I meant it. And then we got to celebrate the end of that case, and you walked away because he walked in, and all I wanted to do was go after you, Castle. That was the night I ended it."

His fingers formed a fist in his pocket, and he squeezed into it every ounce of excitement and relief that shot through him, so he didn't explode in a thousand pieces right then and there.

"You ended it, that night," he calmly managed by some miracle, "because of me."

Her reflex was to argue, to deny, to withhold. Those were the defenses she'd become accustomed to. "I ended it because…" Her apartment was in shambles all around them, the door he'd broken down to get to her literally gone. Despite the very real danger, he'd been there, in it, with her, as he always was. All she had was the truth, so she gave it. "Yes, Castle, I ended it because of you."

"Okay, sorry, I know this is a really bad morning for you, but mine is officially awesome. I'll have a lot more to say on this, Detective, so stick around."

"Why doesn't that surprise me?" she quipped.

"Watch it with the wisecracks or I might not let you grab me and kiss me again later. For now, tell me how you'd like Scarlett and me to help, so we can get back to trying to find the bastard that did this."

Kate tossed him one of those looks only he ever seemed to earn. "You didn't seriously give your cast a name, Castle."

"We've grown very close."

She shook her head but laughed inside. "Start pulling the stuff on hangers out of my closet and set it on the bed. I'm going to take a closer look around out here and then I'll be in." He saluted in acknowledgement of his orders. "Hey," she called to him when he was nearly out of sight, "what makes you think I want to grab you and kiss you again?"

He responded without even a glance, and then continued on his way. "Please, I was there, remember?"

He was a cocky son of a bitch, but he wasn't wrong.

xxxx

"Everything okay?" Rick asked when Kate hung up and set down her phone. "Who'd you just give my address to?"

They'd been back at the loft for a few hours going over the case, talking it out point by point from the beginning, when she'd gotten the call.

"That was Shaw. She wants to talk but didn't want to do it over the phone. She's on her way here."

His eyes widened with thrill. "A sexy, badass, G-woman is coming here? To my apartment?" He hopped up off the sofa, his head darting around the place. "Do I need to clean up?"

Kate's eyes slowly rolled upward. "Sexy?" He froze like a deer in headlights. "Sure, Castle, you go ahead and clean up, and then maybe she'll grab you and kiss you."

The modest curve of his lips was nothing compared to the wide grin of delight he muzzled. "I love it when you talk jealous to me. And, yes, Detective, powerful, intelligent, independent women are sexy." He wasn't speaking of Shaw, of course. She read that in his gaze. "Even more so when they know how to enjoy a fine scotch. Yeah, I think my lips'll stick with the NYPD over the FBI. There's probably less paperwork."

"That'll be a neat trick, Castle, you somehow managing to do less paperwork than the none you do now." Her phone buzzed an incoming message. "She's pulling up."

Moments later, Rick opened for the agent, invited her inside. Shaw stood in the entryway, gave what she could see of the place a cursory scan, all she seemed to have time for. Her energy always screamed of the need to be done and elsewhere.

"Impressive, Castle," she said, winding up a pitch in a game he had no idea he was playing. When she had him hooked, she threw the fastball. "Compensating for something, no doubt." She noticed his cast but wasn't moved to comment. She'd been trained to notice everything. "Detective Beckett, a word? Alone."

Dazed, Rick nodded toward his office and the women went.

"What's this about, Agent Shaw?" Kate inquired curtly. The burn of being benched was still raw.

Her federal counterpart, though only days familiar with her, understood. "I hope he cuts you in on the paychecks, at least."

Kate perched herself at the edge of Rick's desk. "I try to be involved as little as possible. The books are Castle's deal. He gets bored without a toy to play with."

They weren't laughing together, but they were.

"We're moving on something. I know what I said yesterday, and I meant it. You're too close to this case. You're also too good not to be out there when this goes down. If you want in, Detective, I need you in right now."

Kate straightened up immediately. "Let's go. I'll get-"

"Just you, Beckett. Castle sits this round. This bastard has already shown how far he's willing to go. I don't need a civilian in the mix. I don't have time to babysit."

Kate followed when Shaw headed out. It would be a gut punch, but there was no way around it, only through. She walked straight up to Rick, looked him in the eye. "I need to go. I'll explain, okay?" Shaw was already out the front door. She hadn't uttered a word. "Wait here, Castle. I'll be back."

He heard the signal of the dryer from upstairs when it finished tumbling a load of her clothes.

"I'll be here, I guess," he said to an empty room.

xxxx

"Katherine didn't say when she'd be back, Richard?" Martha was in the kitchen cleaning up from the meal the two had shared. Alexis wasn't home yet but had texted she should be soon. "Shall we set aside a plate for her?"

It'd been hours since Kate had followed Shaw off to God knew where, and he hadn't heard a peep from her. He was doing his best not to worry. Unfortunately, powerful, intelligent, and independent never guaranteed anyone safe. The events of the past 24 hours had certainly proved that.

"Go ahead, Mother. For Alexis, too, just in case." He was still at the dining table, his focus largely absorbed by the dancing flames of the fireplace, his hand with a steady grip on his phone.

Martha wandered back over when she was done, affectionately squeezed his shoulder from behind. "I'm sure there was a good reason you had to stay behind, kiddo. Besides, you said she was with that FBI agent. If so, based on everything you've told us about her, Beckett's in capable hands." She walked around him, pulled out her chair again, and sat. "Speaking of hands, how long until that thing comes off? Here you accuse me of wearing things that are too loud."

Rick raised his cast, gave it a look. He may've been the only one, but he thought it was cool. "Six weeks, probably. And you do. Why do you think I own so many pairs of sunglasses?"

"Oh, you are fresh. So, tell me, what's the plan? You said Beckett can't move back to her apartment because of the damage. Is she going to be looking for a new place… or perhaps not looking for a new place?"

Martha was very good at saying things without saying things.

"Yes, Mother, she will be looking for a new place. What else would she do, live at the precinct? Sleep in her cruiser?"

"Well, no, of course not. I just thought maybe you two would finally get your act together and get on with it already. Situations like these-life and death and all of that-have a way of shifting priorities, of bringing together the present and the future. How many situations like these are you going to need, Richard? You told me months ago that your being with her every day was no longer about the Nikki Heat books."

They were getting on with it, maybe. At least, he hoped they were. If only Kate would come walking through the door, it was his intention to try to find out.

"I can't suddenly make her want me because a bomb blew up her apartment, Mother. Beckett isn't like me. She doesn't just jump into things. She doesn't live in maybes." He paused. "But there was… She did kiss me last night."

"On purpose?" she replied without a beat.

Rick's brow came together. "Thank you, Mother. Yes, on purpose." He dipped his head back, stared up at the ceiling. "Why did you even say it?" he asked himself aloud.

"I'm sorry, darling. I wasn't expecting a plot twist is all. See what a good writer you are?"

He got up, pushed in his chair, heard a key slide into the lock as he did. "Alexis is home. Thank God," he said, relieved that reinforcements had arrived. When the door opened, his daughter came through first, but Kate was right behind her.

"Beckett." Martha noted the instantaneous change in him with the sight of her and she released a happy mother's sigh. "You're back."

"I found her in the lobby," Alexis said and pushed the door shut.

Rick crossed to Kate. His daughter got barely a "Hey" as she passed him. "What happened to your forehead?" He reached out to touch the bandage but pulled back.

"It's just a scratch, Castle, really." The impulse to hug him was there, in a way it hadn't been there before. She didn't act on it, though. "We got him. Shaw's team cornered him in a warehouse off a tip, and we took him alive. It's over."

"A tip?" His voice oozed disappointment. "But that takes all the fun out of it." Kate rolled her eyes. "What? It just seems like a lot of effort for nothing."

"It's not nothing, Castle. It's the job. It's my job. It's why you're even around. Come on, Nikki Heat's worked plenty of tips."

He snickered, almost didn't say it but it was too good to let pass.

"That's what she said."

Kate pushed her tongue into her cheek, smirked. "You're gross, you know that?"

"You're back," he said again, and it felt even better the second time.